[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Things that don't belong anywhere else. (Check first).

Moderators: Moderators General, Prelates, Magistrates

User avatar
Noc
Put on her robe and wizard hat ALL NIGHT LONG
Posts: 1339
Joined: Tue Sep 16, 2008 7:36 pm UTC
Location: Within a 50 mile radius.
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Noc » Thu Nov 14, 2013 8:35 pm UTC

I think the closest is "genderfluid?" For folks who are quite happy to be all over the map, gender-wise, and use different presentations at different times. (Which is a stronger form of "gender variant," I guess.)

As opposed to identifying as genderqueer (somewhere in the middle) or agender (not really on the map at all).

My feeling is that "pan" doesn't really fit, since it's hard to occupy multiple points on the gender spectrum simultaneously? Since combining variously gendered elements tends to average them out to a point somewhere in the middle, accompanied by a greater or lesser degree of dissonance. So having a wider ranger of gender identity or presentation is generally described in terms of movement rather than span. (In my experience.)

(Contrast to, say, sexual orientation, which is usually figured as the potential to be attracted to people of a given gender, and you can be pansexual because you can be potentially attracted to ladies, dudes, and anyone else simultaneously, while it's difficult to have that kind of simultaneity with one's own gender. Note also that this isn't very prescriptual, obviously: like, I don't think those are semantic rules that I'd use to argue with someone who identifies themselves as pangender, but that is my impression of the way I've seen language used.)

. . .

Also note that blah blah blah as usual gender presentation and identity are distinct and may not actually match, which can make things more complicated: for instance, I feel like I identify internally as monogender (I'm a girl!) but am pretty okay with the fact that my presentation is kinda gonna be all over the place for much of the forseeable future, so it feels more accurate to describe myself as genderqueer or -fluid until things settle down. (And in either case I'd still be transgender, since my internal gender identity doesn't match (or is opposite of?) the one I was assigned at birth.)

(Whew. I feel like that needs some charts.)

(Also hello, fora, you can consider that me coming out! Which obviously only happened because it gave the opportunity to natter about something, which seems par the course for me I guess.)
Have you given up?

User avatar
Mighty Jalapeno
Inne Juste 7 Dayes I Wille Make You A Hero!
Posts: 11263
Joined: Mon May 07, 2007 9:16 pm UTC
Location: Prince George In A Can
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Thu Nov 14, 2013 8:48 pm UTC

See, that's what I thought, but there's a LOT of differing, sometimes contradictory, terms and definitions, and Google is no help, much in the same way that a 3 inch firehose is no help when you're only kind of thirsty and have a paper cup.

Thanks!

User avatar
netcrusher88
Posts: 2166
Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2007 4:35 pm UTC
Location: Seattle

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby netcrusher88 » Thu Nov 14, 2013 9:28 pm UTC

That said, though, there are definitely people who identify as pangender.
Sexothermic
I have only ever made one prayer to God, a very short one: "O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous." And God granted it. -Voltaire
They said we would never have a black president until Swine Flu. -Gears

User avatar
Monika
Welcoming Aarvark
Posts: 3666
Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2008 8:03 am UTC
Location: Germany, near Heidelberg
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Thu Nov 14, 2013 9:37 pm UTC

In the whatisgender.net-forum it's possible to enter one's gender in the user settings and it will be displayed under the avatar and user name. There are a couple of people there that identify as pangender / have put pangender in the field. Some say it is like an increase from bigender and multigender, so really all genders, at the same time. Some say it means "gender doesn't matter to me", just like pansexual means that the gender of the people one is attracted to doesn't matter.

And hi Noc!

/edit: overtaken by netcrusher88.
#xkcd-q on irc.foonetic.net - the LGBTIQQA support channel
Please donate to help these people

User avatar
Brace
Posts: 1169
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2009 5:40 am UTC
Location: Denver, Co
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Fri Nov 15, 2013 1:58 am UTC

60% on third exam. Better than I had hoped, enough to reduce what I need on the final for a B by 2% and what I need on the final for a C by 8%. Still terrible. I could be a mathematician if I had more spoons.
"The future is the only kind of property that the masters willingly concede to the slaves" - Albert Camus

User avatar
existential_squirrrel
Posts: 401
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 3:57 pm UTC
Location: San Rafael, CA

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby existential_squirrrel » Sat Nov 16, 2013 1:36 am UTC

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

so much dysphoria :( anyone have any tips for dealing with gender dysphoria? does it get any easier? does it go away, ever?
courage is about knowing when to pick yourself up and whisper to yourself, "I will try again tomorrow"
http://http://stats.free-dc.org/cpidtagb.php?cpid=f0b63432195be1a8665b08c414e36545&theme=12&cols=1

User avatar
Monika
Welcoming Aarvark
Posts: 3666
Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2008 8:03 am UTC
Location: Germany, near Heidelberg
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sun Nov 17, 2013 6:14 pm UTC

*hugs Brace and existential_squirrrel*
#xkcd-q on irc.foonetic.net - the LGBTIQQA support channel
Please donate to help these people

User avatar
Pfhorrest
Posts: 5007
Joined: Fri Oct 30, 2009 6:11 am UTC
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Pfhorrest » Thu Nov 21, 2013 7:50 am UTC

Mighty Jalapeno wrote:Question: outside of troll blogs, is there actually such a thing as 'pan-gender', to complement the pan-sexual / pan-what-have-yous that the other spectrums enjoy?


I identify as pangender for the same kind of reasons I identify as pansexual, and I don't like "genderqueer" as an alternative for those same reasons.

I identify as pansexual because I find the idea of sex with people of any sex appealing; that is, in my own mental life, how I'd like my life and the world to be if free from external constraints, I'd like to have sex with people of all different sexes; and likewise it doesn't really matter to me what sex a person is. But despite that, I mostly end up in hetero relationships, because I'm a very socially passive person and romantic partners usually approach me instead of the other way around, and what with being male and all the majority of those people are straight women. And when I do reach out to approach other people, it's easier to approach women because of those same odds: I have to consider how well a man would take being approached by anyone male, never mind me in particular, and chances are much greater that a woman I approach would appreciate it than a man. And that's ok because I do like women too, just not exclusively; people of other sexes are sexy too, and I'm ok if I should somehow end up with one.

Likewise I identify as pangendered because I find the idea of being of any sex appealing; that is, in my own mental life, how I'd like my life and the world to be if free from external constraints, I'd like sometimes to be one sex or another; and likewise it doesn't really matter to me what sex I am (or am seen as, or whatever). But despite that, most people identify me as a man, and I've got a rather masculine build which suits mostly only men's clothes well, and I have to consider how well other people would react to me transgressing their expected gender expressions, so for that same social passivity I generally live life as a man, just because that's the easiest, least confrontational route through life for me. And that's ok, because I'm fine with being a man, I'm just not defined by it; I like the thought of being other sexes too, and would be fine if I should somehow end up as (or be identified as) one.

It's because of that "but despite that" that I wouldn't call myself genderqueer, because I don't really actively go out of my way to express my gender variance. Though now that I think about it, since I got my own house (no more housemates) and started working from home (no more coworkers), I spend the majority of every day wearing nothing but a skirt now (and I've been thinking about finding a dress that looks alright on me too, if such a thing exists), so in a way the masculine clothes are just sort of my "outside clothes" now. Huh, that's kind of neat.

Anyway, I also just like the word "pangendered" better than "genderqueer" or "genderfluid" or any of those. It's nicely analogous to pansexual, and I'm a big fan of a lot of other concepts that begin with that "pan-" prefix, so it fits nicely into my own personal idiom.
Forrest Cameranesi, Geek of All Trades
"I am Sam. Sam I am. I do not like trolls, flames, or spam."
The Codex Quaerendae (my philosophy) - The Chronicles of Quelouva (my fiction)

User avatar
NovaNatalia
Posts: 207
Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2011 1:11 am UTC
Location: Australia

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Thu Nov 28, 2013 9:39 am UTC

Didn't get into my PhD. I'm too stupid.
I am the way into the doleful city. I am the way into eternal grief. I am the way to a forsaken race ... You who enter here, abandon all hope.

User avatar
Monika
Welcoming Aarvark
Posts: 3666
Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2008 8:03 am UTC
Location: Germany, near Heidelberg
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Thu Nov 28, 2013 9:49 am UTC

Oh no :-( *hugs*
#xkcd-q on irc.foonetic.net - the LGBTIQQA support channel
Please donate to help these people

User avatar
Shivahn
Posts: 2200
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2009 6:17 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Fri Nov 29, 2013 6:56 am UTC

natashatasha wrote:Didn't get into my PhD. I'm too stupid.


You are not stupid.

And while that sucks, I just want to let you know that the first year I applied for PhD programs, I didn't get in anywhere. But it all turned out ok.

*hug*

User avatar
Brace
Posts: 1169
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2009 5:40 am UTC
Location: Denver, Co
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Fri Nov 29, 2013 11:26 pm UTC

From what you were saying, there was some politicking going on irt getting into a PhD program anyway, so it sounds like there are plenty of sources of blame besides yourself.
"The future is the only kind of property that the masters willingly concede to the slaves" - Albert Camus

Becani
Posts: 87
Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2012 1:22 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Becani » Sat Nov 30, 2013 2:50 am UTC

Went to Thanksgiving at my family's place with my boyfriend. They actually managed to use proper pronouns most of the time! That was pretty awesome. :D

User avatar
Shivahn
Posts: 2200
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2009 6:17 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Sat Nov 30, 2013 10:11 pm UTC

Oh Thanksgiving stories! Man. Did I ever have a Thanksgiving.

Spoiler:
So my ex and I broke up in January of this year, and haven't spoken much since then. It was a three and a half year relationship, very long distance. Except of course in a fit of irony, now I am living thirty minutes from her. But we hadn't talked much over the last ten months. She knew I was here and didn't want me to be alone, far from family, so she invited me to her family's dinner.

I had never bothered to come out to them. She told most of the people before I arrived, but not everyone.

I arrived immediately after her grandma, who stared at me for a sec and then said "I'm sorry, I should know you but I don't."

"Oh this is Shivahn, she's a friend of mine."

"Oh ok! *turns to my ex* So I know you two aren't together anymore, but how is <old name>? Do you still talk to him? What's he up to?"

At which point my ex was gesturing wildly at me but she didn't get it until she just said "No, yeah, no this is her. Same person."

So that was fun!

I also got quite a bit of compliments over the course of the evening, especially from her sister who was a little bit jealous.

The best part was probably when stuff quieted down and we cuddled on a couch and talked about our relationship. We never really had had a talk about it, and while neither of us needed closure, the whole experience and discussion was intensely emotionally rewarding and nice.


So I'm gonna be riding the high from that for a while.

User avatar
NovaNatalia
Posts: 207
Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2011 1:11 am UTC
Location: Australia

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Mon Dec 02, 2013 8:09 am UTC

Thank you all for the support. It's just so much of my self-worth is tied up in my studies that when the bottom of the barrel falls out, my self-esteem completely goes with it. I'm cognitively aware of exactly what's happening, but completely unable to stop the emotions & thought processes, but thank you for your kind words & thought. I have a psychiatrist appointment on Thursday, so I might be able to sort something out then.

In slightly more positive news, my latest blood test has shwon that my oestrogen levels have entered the female range (albeit at the low end of a cycle); I'm now on 4mg oestradiol, and if my testosterone continues to be high after my next blood test (it started off well below male norms), we'll have a look at starting anti-androgens. Otherwise, it's been 14 weeks and for the first time I'm beginning to notice breast tenderness ^.^
I am the way into the doleful city. I am the way into eternal grief. I am the way to a forsaken race ... You who enter here, abandon all hope.

all_Lone
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Dec 01, 2013 6:11 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby all_Lone » Mon Dec 02, 2013 8:43 am UTC

Hi. I'm bisexual/agendered, and I guess this is me coming out of the closet. I probably won't be able to come out to anyone in meatspace anytime soon, but at least it's nice to know that someone knows.

User avatar
poxic
Eloquently Prismatic
Posts: 4718
Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2008 3:28 am UTC
Location: Left coast of Canada

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Mon Dec 02, 2013 6:44 pm UTC

Cheers!
All empires fall.
Don't look back.
- The Secret Knots

User avatar
Monika
Welcoming Aarvark
Posts: 3666
Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2008 8:03 am UTC
Location: Germany, near Heidelberg
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon Dec 02, 2013 9:22 pm UTC

*hugs natasha gently* Yay breasts!

Bi five all_Lone!
#xkcd-q on irc.foonetic.net - the LGBTIQQA support channel
Please donate to help these people

Becani
Posts: 87
Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2012 1:22 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Becani » Tue Dec 03, 2013 2:34 pm UTC

Whee breasts! I hope you get super lucky and they grow just as large and round and full as you wish. :)

User avatar
NovaNatalia
Posts: 207
Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2011 1:11 am UTC
Location: Australia

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Thu Dec 05, 2013 10:06 am UTC

Well, psych today didn't really help; he just upped my depression from 'moderate' to 'severe'. On the bright side, I now know where and when I can find a justice of the peace, so I can get my name change rolling, so soon I'll be able to apply for a passport as 'Natasha', and then I can get Medicare to change my sex (since the Commonwealth Government isn't as transphobic as the state governments, they don't require SRS).
I am the way into the doleful city. I am the way into eternal grief. I am the way to a forsaken race ... You who enter here, abandon all hope.

User avatar
Brace
Posts: 1169
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2009 5:40 am UTC
Location: Denver, Co
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Sun Dec 08, 2013 5:12 pm UTC

I got a C in Calculus 2. This will likely end my backup plan of going to CU Boulder. Potentially I could retake it in the summer, but that's kind of wonky.
Spoiler:
Plan 1: Get Math AS and Engineering AS, Move to Portland, Maine, Get Certs, Try to find work.
Contingency Plan 1: Go to CU Boulder for degrees 7-9, then try to find work again.
Contingency Plan 2: Political Activism with Extreme Prejudice.

Spoilered because everything I say deserves spoilers and my presence is unwanted generally.
"The future is the only kind of property that the masters willingly concede to the slaves" - Albert Camus

User avatar
Monika
Welcoming Aarvark
Posts: 3666
Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2008 8:03 am UTC
Location: Germany, near Heidelberg
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sun Dec 08, 2013 5:52 pm UTC

I want your presence and I think others want it, too.

Your other grades are all or almost all As, so maybe you can go to CU Boulder anyway?
#xkcd-q on irc.foonetic.net - the LGBTIQQA support channel
Please donate to help these people

User avatar
Brace
Posts: 1169
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2009 5:40 am UTC
Location: Denver, Co
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Sun Dec 08, 2013 7:33 pm UTC

Nope. Engineering school has not only a GPA requirement (which I meet), but a requirement for all coursework to be B or better. I could try to retake it in summer, but application deadline is March 1 and FAFSA deadline is on June 30th, whereas the class itself ends in late June or early August, so I kind of doubt that would work.
"The future is the only kind of property that the masters willingly concede to the slaves" - Albert Camus

User avatar
Mousepup
Posts: 24
Joined: Sun Dec 01, 2013 1:38 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Mousepup » Mon Dec 16, 2013 2:07 pm UTC

Hello, and thank you for being your lovable selves. I'm new here and... mostly just eager to say "Hi" and bring these to share, particularly for all of youse who have suicidal thoughts and self-destructive habits.

[Mousepup produces a tray heaped with hugs, places it on nearest table.]

They're nice and warm, and I'd have brought spoons too if I could. I'm afraid I don't really know how else to be supportive, because I can't think of what others could realistically do for me besides just creating this safe space, so here I am to add my voice. I'll try not to vent too much, and would appreciate a polite reminder if I start to froth at the mouth. It's way past my bedtime and I still haven't figured out how to articulate how I'm drawn here beyond just wanting to reach out to others who know what it feels like to be told that we don't exist, to feel unsafe in so many ways, and to feel like the best thing to look forward to is the day when we can be washed away "like tears in the rain," which no one needs suffer to see. I just heaved a heavely sigh, because I totally didn't mean to go there, but I guess I needed to get it off my chest so I can get to sleep, which I need to do ...hours ago.

Again, thank you. I should be better company later, less flaky.

User avatar
WilliamTheConqueror
Posts: 245
Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 10:16 pm UTC
Location: *tips meme*

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby WilliamTheConqueror » Mon Dec 16, 2013 2:47 pm UTC

Mousepup wrote:Hello, and thank you for being your lovable selves. I'm new here and... mostly just eager to say "Hi" and bring these to share, particularly for all of youse who have suicidal thoughts and self-destructive habits.


Hi! :D
--
Something weird happened over the past week, in terms of my sexuality? Basically I've developed a huge (like, almost debilitating) crush on one of my best friends. Thing is, he's a guy? I've only ever liked girls, so this is really confusing me and it's also kind of distressing, actually. I'm afraid that if the whole crush thing ends up becoming more, people will think that I was lying about my gynophilia-ness. (Most people think I'm a lesbian, but that's only because I'm not publicly out about my trans* identity.)

Any soothing words or advice?
addams wrote:Fucking Nature.

Tomlidich the second wrote:You cannot surgically graft enough middle fingers to my body to express how fed up I am with this.

User avatar
Aaeriele
Posts: 2126
Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 3:30 am UTC
Location: San Francisco, CA

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Mon Dec 16, 2013 5:29 pm UTC

WilliamTheConqueror wrote:
Mousepup wrote:Hello, and thank you for being your lovable selves. I'm new here and... mostly just eager to say "Hi" and bring these to share, particularly for all of youse who have suicidal thoughts and self-destructive habits.


Hi! :D
--
Something weird happened over the past week, in terms of my sexuality? Basically I've developed a huge (like, almost debilitating) crush on one of my best friends. Thing is, he's a guy? I've only ever liked girls, so this is really confusing me and it's also kind of distressing, actually. I'm afraid that if the whole crush thing ends up becoming more, people will think that I was lying about my gynophilia-ness. (Most people think I'm a lesbian, but that's only because I'm not publicly out about my trans* identity.)

Any soothing words or advice?


Image

More seriously... love who you're gonna love. You don't have to be "strictly lesbian" or "strictly straight". If anyone says you lied, tell them they're shallow for enforcing such a strict binary - or even better, ask them why it matters at all.
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

User avatar
existential_squirrrel
Posts: 401
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 3:57 pm UTC
Location: San Rafael, CA

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby existential_squirrrel » Thu Dec 19, 2013 6:57 am UTC

ohmycheese! I got my first binder today, and it is AWESOME!!

I am in love! with it
courage is about knowing when to pick yourself up and whisper to yourself, "I will try again tomorrow"
http://http://stats.free-dc.org/cpidtagb.php?cpid=f0b63432195be1a8665b08c414e36545&theme=12&cols=1

Becani
Posts: 87
Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2012 1:22 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Becani » Thu Dec 19, 2013 4:04 pm UTC

yay squirrel! I bet you look awesome in it. :)

User avatar
Shivahn
Posts: 2200
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2009 6:17 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Fri Dec 20, 2013 6:56 am UTC

Aaeriele wrote:
WilliamTheConqueror wrote:
Mousepup wrote:Hello, and thank you for being your lovable selves. I'm new here and... mostly just eager to say "Hi" and bring these to share, particularly for all of youse who have suicidal thoughts and self-destructive habits.


Hi! :D
--
Something weird happened over the past week, in terms of my sexuality? Basically I've developed a huge (like, almost debilitating) crush on one of my best friends. Thing is, he's a guy? I've only ever liked girls, so this is really confusing me and it's also kind of distressing, actually. I'm afraid that if the whole crush thing ends up becoming more, people will think that I was lying about my gynophilia-ness. (Most people think I'm a lesbian, but that's only because I'm not publicly out about my trans* identity.)

Any soothing words or advice?


Spoiler:
Image


More seriously... love who you're gonna love. You don't have to be "strictly lesbian" or "strictly straight". If anyone says you lied, tell them they're shallow for enforcing such a strict binary - or even better, ask them why it matters at all.


It was never really a great idea to try and fit all of human sexual behavior into two categories.

I've actually dated men before (well, a man), and generally keep that quiet because I don't want to deal with trying to explain my sexuality to everyone. So, that sucks, but I get it, and I get keeping it quiet. People who think you're lying are just.. silly, though. I'm not sure what makes people think they must know your experiences better than you, cuz they don't. Aaeriele is right, it shouldn't matter to others, and I doubt they'd be able to answer why it would.

User avatar
Monika
Welcoming Aarvark
Posts: 3666
Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2008 8:03 am UTC
Location: Germany, near Heidelberg
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sat Dec 21, 2013 11:44 pm UTC

Mousepup wrote:Hello, and thank you for being your lovable selves. I'm new here and... mostly just eager to say "Hi" and bring these to share, particularly for all of youse who have suicidal thoughts and self-destructive habits.

[Mousepup produces a tray heaped with hugs, places it on nearest table.]

They're nice and warm, and I'd have brought spoons too if I could. I'm afraid I don't really know how else to be supportive, because I can't think of what others could realistically do for me besides just creating this safe space, so here I am to add my voice. I'll try not to vent too much, and would appreciate a polite reminder if I start to froth at the mouth. It's way past my bedtime and I still haven't figured out how to articulate how I'm drawn here beyond just wanting to reach out to others who know what it feels like to be told that we don't exist, to feel unsafe in so many ways, and to feel like the best thing to look forward to is the day when we can be washed away "like tears in the rain," which no one needs suffer to see. I just heaved a heavely sigh, because I totally didn't mean to go there, but I guess I needed to get it off my chest so I can get to sleep, which I need to do ...hours ago.

Again, thank you. I should be better company later, less flaky.

Hello lovely person, welcome here :)

WilliamTheConqueror wrote:Something weird happened over the past week, in terms of my sexuality? Basically I've developed a huge (like, almost debilitating) crush on one of my best friends. Thing is, he's a guy? I've only ever liked girls, so this is really confusing me and it's also kind of distressing, actually. I'm afraid that if the whole crush thing ends up becoming more, people will think that I was lying about my gynophilia-ness. (Most people think I'm a lesbian, but that's only because I'm not publicly out about my trans* identity.)

Any soothing words or advice?

Welcome under the bi umbrella. It's a huge umbrella, we have plenty of space under it for people who are attracted to one gender mostly and other genders only rarely, for people who are attracted to genders equally, but in different ways, and for those for whom the gender of the attracté(e) doesn't make any difference.
So your heterosexuality was only a phase and you discovered your true bi-ness. That's okay :) . People who think it's not okay and you were lying can go put their face in a toilet, for they are poopfaces anyway.
#xkcd-q on irc.foonetic.net - the LGBTIQQA support channel
Please donate to help these people

User avatar
WilliamTheConqueror
Posts: 245
Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 10:16 pm UTC
Location: *tips meme*

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby WilliamTheConqueror » Sun Dec 22, 2013 3:04 pm UTC

oh, wow. thank you so much guys!! i feel like 1000% better about liking this dude.

i have successfully seduced the boy too, :D
addams wrote:Fucking Nature.

Tomlidich the second wrote:You cannot surgically graft enough middle fingers to my body to express how fed up I am with this.

User avatar
Mousepup
Posts: 24
Joined: Sun Dec 01, 2013 1:38 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Mousepup » Mon Dec 23, 2013 2:38 pm UTC

I just realised that I am at higher than usual risk of accidentally hurting others' feelings here by seeming insensitive, because I have trouble remembering people's genders, so if I sound like I have a grudge against pronouns, that's why. :oops: I am confident in my grasp of what "male" and "female" mean, but not "feminine" or "masculine," so think I am involuntarily, reflexively pushing that aside for fear of corrupting my attempt to understand the person talking to me, even though I know notionally that it's not helping. At. All. It's not that I'm the sort of ignoranus who has difficulty grasping that transwomen trans women are women and transmen trans men are men, just with birth defects. Rather, it's that I don't really feel like I understand what women and men are, so it's sometimes a bit hard for me to think of some one as being one.

I've been reading through older posts for long enough to be getting physically uncomfortable from being parked in front of the computer for so long, neglecting to get up and do other stuff. "Just a few more posts," "Just one more page," etc. Reading through it, I grow eager to speak, but now that I have a "Post Reply" tab open, I'm going through a hilarious routine of chewing through habitual self-doubts. (I know that on this forum, this form becomes invalid in some time less than four hours after I request it, so will have to copy-paste into a new form and click the "post" button before I start the cycle again. :roll:)

I just "recently" got to what PM 2Ring posted here, and find it useful. I also find the phantom genitalia thing interesting, though I didn't save the page number of this thread on which it was mentioned. I thought my gender is "derp," but "latent" is much more usefully descriptive. I'm not really sure how I feel about thinking of this as a gender thing vs. a sex thing, but I guess I'd like to transition to a Gethenian if it were an option. :lol: I'm gonna have to get a hold of that book, I've been meaning to do so for something by Ursula K. Le Guin for a while now.

Unfortunately, it's kinda hard to tell what "I'm really" feeling because I seem to have a psychotic tendency to identify with any other person I get to see much of, perhaps due to some desperate need to believe that there's some common ground on which to build understanding, trust and adoration because I'm conditioned to push people away. I'm pretty sure this growing craving is "realy mine," though; I have intrusive thoughts and daydreams about how nice it would be to feel comfortable and safe and at ease around another human- like, if I could totally let some one be within arms' reach without feeling a need to pay constant attention to that person, I think I'd actually desire to be there.

Hilariously ironic correction: Thank you, Delalyra.
Spoiler:
Delalyra wrote:
PM 2Ring wrote:transmen
Just nitpicking here-- it's preferred to be spelled "trans men" (and likewise, "trans women,") with a space, so that trans is an adjective. The idea is that "transmen" puts men who happen to be trans into their own othersome gender category, when they're really just men, full stop.
Last edited by Mousepup on Sat Dec 28, 2013 11:46 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Monika
Welcoming Aarvark
Posts: 3666
Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2008 8:03 am UTC
Location: Germany, near Heidelberg
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon Dec 23, 2013 4:10 pm UTC

I'm currently reading The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin. I started months ago. I'm kind of in the middle. Paused for a while, not much time and concentration and willpower to read.
#xkcd-q on irc.foonetic.net - the LGBTIQQA support channel
Please donate to help these people

User avatar
Brace
Posts: 1169
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2009 5:40 am UTC
Location: Denver, Co
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Mon Dec 23, 2013 4:47 pm UTC

*hugs* Hopefully that picks up. If you can try to read it when you have the time, you might find the concentration and willpower coming back faster. At the very least you will find out when they've come back much sooner.
"The future is the only kind of property that the masters willingly concede to the slaves" - Albert Camus

User avatar
flickering_candle
Posts: 39
Joined: Sat Sep 10, 2011 1:19 pm UTC
Location: Connecticut, USA

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby flickering_candle » Mon Dec 23, 2013 6:46 pm UTC

Mousepup wrote:I just "recently" got to what PM 2Ring posted here, and find it useful. I also find the phantom genitalia thing interesting, though I didn't save the page number of this thread on which it was mentioned. I thought my gender is "derp," but "latent" is much more usefully descriptive. I'm not really sure how I feel about thinking of this as a gender thing vs. a sex thing, but I guess I'd like to transition to a Gethenian if it were an option. :lol: I'm gonna have to get a hold of that book, I've been meaning to do so for something by Ursula K. Le Guin for a while now.

Unfortunately, it's kinda hard to tell what "I'm really" feeling because I seem to have a psychotic tendency to identify with any other person I get to see much of, perhaps due to some desperate need to believe that there's some common ground on which to build understanding, trust and adoration because I'm conditioned to push people away. I'm pretty sure this growing craving is "realy mine," though; I have intrusive thoughts and daydreams about how nice it would be to feel comfortable and safe and at ease around another human- like, if I could totally let some one be within arms' reach without feeling a need to pay constant attention to that person, I think I'd actually desire to be there.

Some people are fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to very clearly understand where they fall on issues of gender and body without much introspection at all. For others, it takes a good deal longer. It took me about three months of frequent introspective journal entries (about 25,000 words according to Word- holy crap!) to find a place on the gender constellation that feels right. And another year and a half to figure out what I wanted (as opposed to "not wanted"- that I knew!) for my body in terms of sexual characteristics. I used to worry about how much my own feelings on these matters were being influenced by the opinions of others. In some aspects, this influence was positive- it gave me knew perspectives, new vocabulary and concepts that allowed my thoughts to crystallize. There were ways in which others' thoughts impeded self-knowledge, but it was in terms of their thoughts being focused in a direction that was not right for me, rather than-- in the end-- convincing me of things that were not true of me.

At one point I was reading a blog post that was a trans woman talking about her thoughts in relation to cis people asking her about her gender, and in the context of discussing hormones, she said this:
Natalie Reed wrote:What matters with hormones is that they redirect your experiences and questions from being about who or what you are and “am I trans?” and “what’s my gender identity”, towards questions of “how do I feel about this?” and “is this making me feel better?”. “Is this making me happy?”.

What gender you “are”, whether or not you “are” trans (or “really” trans), your “gender identity”, your “brain sex”, your socialization, your genitals, your chromosomes and your doubts can all go fuck themselves if they’re not making you happy.
And that second part really is the point, isn't it? It is easy to be swayed by the thoughts and positions of others, our desires for connection leading us to take up their positions. But in the end, does that position make you happy? At least less unhappy?

User avatar
Monika
Welcoming Aarvark
Posts: 3666
Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2008 8:03 am UTC
Location: Germany, near Heidelberg
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon Dec 23, 2013 10:40 pm UTC

Brace wrote:*hugs* Hopefully that picks up. If you can try to read it when you have the time, you might find the concentration and willpower coming back faster. At the very least you will find out when they've come back much sooner.

*hugs* Thanks :')
#xkcd-q on irc.foonetic.net - the LGBTIQQA support channel
Please donate to help these people

User avatar
PM 2Ring
Posts: 3652
Joined: Mon Jan 26, 2009 3:19 pm UTC
Location: Mid north coast, NSW, Australia

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Tue Dec 24, 2013 6:55 am UTC

Hello & welcome, Mousepup.

Mousepup wrote:I just "recently" got to what PM 2Ring posted here, and find it useful. I also find the phantom genitalia thing interesting, though I didn't save the page number of this thread on which it was mentioned. I thought my gender is "derp," but "latent" is much more usefully descriptive. I'm not really sure how I feel about thinking of this as a gender thing vs. a sex thing, but I guess I'd like to transition to a Gethenian if it were an option. :lol: I'm gonna have to get a hold of that book, I've been meaning to do so for something by Ursula K. Le Guin for a while now.


Oh, good!

Also see viewtopic.php?t=38355&p=2731534
On the topic of labels, they have their good and bad points. If they are understood as ways of referring to regions of the sexuality / gender landscape, like signposts, they can be useful, as they can give us the points of reference we need to discuss this complex & subtle topic. Their bad side arises when we try to attach them to individuals because that is essentially an attempt to chain the person to the signpost. Actually, it's even worse that that because we all have different interpretations of what the labels mean, which just adds to the possible confusions & misunderstandings.

User avatar
Mousepup
Posts: 24
Joined: Sun Dec 01, 2013 1:38 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Mousepup » Wed Dec 25, 2013 3:14 pm UTC

Thanks, and hello to you too. That's exactly what I've been having trouble with: "we all have different interpretations of what the labels mean, which just adds to the possible confusions & misunderstandings." I'm afraid of people misinterpreting me as saying something other than what I mean to say, and more generally of making incorrect assumptions that can lead to angst, even if intellectually I know it's not my responsibility to keep others from making unjustified leaps.

I have a bit of an obstacle on the inside as well, so far as I can tell a matter of classical conditioning from unhealthy aspects of my history which I cannot detail right here and now; I am rather comfortable and secure with those things at this moment, but I cannot speak for my future selves regarding such comfort because I am emotionally unstable and several aspects of my personality, including my boundaries, shift across very wide dynamic ranges. I've been this way for as long as I can remember, so have had to learn to stop taking a few things for granted, like how I cannot easily invoke any arbitrary activation pattern unless I am already close to it or have a handy reference stimulus, and how I have blind spots I can feel around but don't know how to get into. When discussing something subjective like my own experiences, it can take me forever to say anything.

Re: sexuality, I've mostly been having trouble figuring out what might make me desire sex with some one, besides simply recognising it as being desired by that person- within context of a relationship where attraction is satisfied, of course. :lol: I've got arousal and attraction figured out, those being pretty mundane in my case, it's just the question of where the other "jump all over me, please" buttons are hidden. Arousal for me is triggered by what I gather triggers it for the vast majority of us; anything one has for whatever reason associated with sexuality, including repulsive and even unpleasant things. Attraction for me is anthrosexual, though some might class me as asexual because I don't crave having my buttons pushed, or even monosexual due to my biases. I think my biggest bias is a hope that some day I'll get to explore some of those dark corners with some one to hold my hand, snuggled safely before a warm, bright fireplace. Desire is... weird, snaking around a big handful of turn-offs ranging from the simple, [near-]universal ones to individual hangups to some goofy Sierpinski stuff, and I've only recently figured out how to comfortably snoop around there.

Would-be double-post:
I want to thank you, especially Jessica, for reminding me that awesome people like you exist. The horror stories are hard to get through, and I think I might need a break from catching up, but I can't imagine any way I'd rather find out than here, from people who understand how and why. For the first time in I-don't-know-how-long, instead of just shutting down and going numb, I broke down and sobbed until I could feel something else again.

I don't want to leave off on such a dramatic note, so here's an irrelevant treat! Becani's current Curly Brace avatar suggests that she might appreciate this beautiful (IMO, at least) take on Geothermal and Moonsong which I found, by Viking Guitar in case that link breaks.

User avatar
NovaNatalia
Posts: 207
Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2011 1:11 am UTC
Location: Australia

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Sun Jan 05, 2014 10:19 pm UTC

I have a question about breast development, so I'll put it in spoilers for NSFW subject matter:

Spoiler:
I'm a 23yo transwoman, and as I've taken HRT I've noticed one breast begin to develop much faster than the other; that is, I first noticed a hard lump under (as in towards my lung, not towards my feet) my right nipple a fortnight ago, which has only continued to grow and be incredibly sensitive (if I fold my arms wrong, I quickly find out I've folded my arms wrong). However, I've notice absolutely no change in my left breast at all; is it normal for there to be such a significant delay between the two breasts? Is this a significant delay? Does it mean one will likely be significantly larger than the other?


I'll be posting a copy of this in the women's safespace thread, too, because I don't know how many women (ASAB or trans) frequent this thread.
I am the way into the doleful city. I am the way into eternal grief. I am the way to a forsaken race ... You who enter here, abandon all hope.

User avatar
Monika
Welcoming Aarvark
Posts: 3666
Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2008 8:03 am UTC
Location: Germany, near Heidelberg
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon Jan 06, 2014 12:52 am UTC

For cis girls I can say that it's not unusual that the breasts don't develop in parallel (mine did, but many other girl's didn't), which might or might not mean that you end up with differently sized breasts ... I think it's probably very much the same for trans and cis women, considering it's exactly the same process, estrogen making the breasts grow.
#xkcd-q on irc.foonetic.net - the LGBTIQQA support channel
Please donate to help these people


Return to “General”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: sardia and 31 guests