[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Things that don't belong anywhere else. (Check first).

Moderators: Moderators General, Prelates, Magistrates

User avatar
Shivahn
Posts: 2200
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2009 6:17 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Sun Apr 13, 2014 2:23 pm UTC

Yeah cells, more or less, don't see sex chromosomes. If you have more than one X*, all but one of them undergo lyonization, rendering them more or less nonfunctional. The only major gene product the Y chromosome makes is the protein SRY, which signals a bunch of other stuff to happen in early development - after that it serves no function that I'm aware of. The individual cells only see whatever hormones they're bathed in; really, the proximal cause for all sexual differentiation is the level of sex hormones.

*which doesn't mean XX

Edit for a bit more explanation: We have all of the codes for the various body structures (and probably some body structures we don't have anymore) on the chromosomes everyone has, the Y chromosome just has a switch that switches some switches to get a particular arrangement; but it's not expressed past a certain point and other things form self-regulating loops. Growing an organ in culture, you're usually selecting the code you want expressed more or less directly.

Wonderbolt
Posts: 212
Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2014 12:11 pm UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Thu Apr 17, 2014 8:35 pm UTC

Some good news!

Now on HRT for two weeks, and I'm actually capable of feeling things. I'm still having a bit of a hard time dealing with the mood swings and the confusion caused by all these changes, but overall I genuinely feel much healthier, psychologically. That feeling in the background that there's something-but-I-don't-know-what wrong has disappeared, which is really nice.

I also felt very apprehensive about IPL since so many people claim it totally sucks at hair removal (there's no laser where I live, and starting with electrolysis on a coarse, thick beard seemed like a bad idea), but it seems my worries were unfounded. First week after my first session was kinda sucky, but the week after that hairs have just been falling out, and now I'm already missing ~50% off beard hairs. :D

I'm also noticing some pain in my hips, and a sort of 'itchy stretchy' feeling under my boobs. Quite possibly just in my head because I'm focusing on it all too much (it's only been two weeks after all), but all quite awesome nonetheless.

The only thing that's really weird is how much the reduction of my libido has affected me. I hadn't expected that. I really like not having much of a sex drive, but I've grown close to a certain girl after I came out, and now I find myself unable to tell whether I'm attracted to her or like her just as a friend. I kind of want to cuddle her all the time, but it feels more like "like being close to her because she's nice, warm and comfortable and we get along well" than any sort of sexual attraction. (I also kind of don't want to develop such an attraction - this is the asexual friend I talked about, and I'm reasonably sure she heteroromantic, so it'd probably fundamentally not work.)

Becani
Posts: 87
Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2012 1:22 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Becani » Sat Apr 19, 2014 3:02 pm UTC

So I randomly buzzed my head. am liking it.

User avatar
NovaNatalia
Posts: 207
Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2011 1:11 am UTC
Location: Australia

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Sat Apr 19, 2014 11:19 pm UTC

Since I was pretty happy with how I looked in make up before (not putting up pics because I'm too afraid they'll get out), I thought I'd compare how I look today with how I looked 34 weeks ago, when I started HRT.
The. Exact. Same.
:(
I am the way into the doleful city. I am the way into eternal grief. I am the way to a forsaken race ... You who enter here, abandon all hope.

Killerofsheep
Posts: 31
Joined: Sun Apr 13, 2014 3:35 pm UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Killerofsheep » Sun Apr 20, 2014 6:04 pm UTC

I guess this is probably the safest place to put this, I just need somewhere to sort my thoughts out (typing out things I'm thinking helps clear my head).
I came out today. Not as pansexual, I did that sometime ago. No, this was me telling my friends that I was trans. They didn't react, or even comment on it. I mean sure, I was a little bit subtle, but they definately noticed. But it's not that they didn't care, in fact it was the opposite, they just continued talking like nothing had changed; they didn't see me any differently, they treated me like I was the same person, and they still treated me like a person.
But the reason I came here is to ask what people think about operations/hormone treatment, especially from those who've had them. (Judging by the comment above, it might not be effective, but I also want others' opinions)

User avatar
Brace
Posts: 1169
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2009 5:40 am UTC
Location: Denver, Co
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Sun Apr 20, 2014 6:56 pm UTC

This post had objectionable content.
Last edited by Brace on Mon Oct 06, 2014 1:02 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
"The future is the only kind of property that the masters willingly concede to the slaves" - Albert Camus

Killerofsheep
Posts: 31
Joined: Sun Apr 13, 2014 3:35 pm UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Killerofsheep » Sun Apr 20, 2014 7:55 pm UTC

I'll talk to my psych about the hormones, it might mess with my medication. (Which would REALLY suck)
I'm still quite unsure about the op, it's one of those things; if I do it, I don't know if I'll regret it or not. However, if I don't I know I will regret it. Does the risk outweigh the potential gains?

User avatar
cplns
Posts: 213
Joined: Mon Apr 08, 2013 4:23 am UTC
Location: l'astéroïde B612

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby cplns » Sun Apr 20, 2014 8:02 pm UTC

I'm 25 and I've never actually come out to anyone as bisexual. I've made comments about finding both girls and guys attractive, but I've never dated a girl and I've never actually come out and said the words to anyone. It almost makes me feel like a fake, like I can't be truly bi unless the whole world knows.

User avatar
Enuja
Posts: 1576
Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2009 9:40 pm UTC
Location: Chicago, IL
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Enuja » Sun Apr 20, 2014 8:30 pm UTC

Oh, natashatasha, I'm so sorry to hear that you're not seeing big differences between how you looked with makeup before hormones and now. But I think that you should consider how powerful makeup is. Stage makeup can change people's apparent gender, and make them into "aliens," age them 50 years, and do all kinds of other things. So you've put this powerful filter over your appearance, and are disappointed that your appearance changes under that aren't showing through. Hopefully, you're now read as female more easily with less makeup, and without makeup at all. But when you put the same powerful mask of makeup on top of your face, you should expect to look quite simliar.

In other words: you're just awesome at makeup, and you've looked great the whole time. Nothing wrong with that!


cpins, I was at a great talk/workshop by Robyn Ochs, a bisexual activist, where she talked about how bisexual she was when she was teenager who hadn't dated anyone or told anyone about her sexuality, a young women who had only dated men, an adult in a long term relationship with a woman, and an adult dating both men and women. She felt exactly as bisexual the whole time. Some people's sexuality shifts over time, but Robyn's hasn't, and she spoke very powerfully about how, if you feel attracted to more than one gender, you are fully justified in identifying yourself as bisexual, whatever your experiences or relationship status. It's hard for the whole world to know about your bisexuality, especially if your relationships are, like the relationships of most people in our society, including most bisexual people, monogamous. People usually assume that you're attracted to whatever gender you have a current relationship with. You are truly bi as long as you identify as such, no matter what you do and no matter what other people assume about you.

User avatar
Sungura
When life gives you banananas, make bananana bread
Posts: 3928
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2008 2:32 am UTC
Location: AL

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sungura » Mon Apr 21, 2014 3:55 pm UTC

I can't remember if I've posted here or not before but I could use some advice - I am bi (and have actually told my mom and brother this, and a few close friends, I don't really "hide" it but I do live in the southern US and I don't want to become a target, either) and I'm also what I learned to be demisexual. I thought I was asexual for the longest time because I never went through that "Oh me yarm he/she's cute/sexy/attractive" stage. Tuns out nope, I just have to have a really good connection first. Anyway....I hope this question fits here. I would like to find a girlfriend, bonus if she is bi as well and likes (for whatever level of "like" she wishes to define) my primary SO too so we can at least all hang out and it's not awkward or something. But...I have a hard time connecting with people and most of my interests and passions are extremely male dominated so it is even harder to meet females whom I would get along with. Most of the females I do meet are catty and not friendly, probably partially due to the product of the interests and how a good bit of the men often act. I hate having pressure so I don't really want to try something like OK Cupid (it seems I just get an inbox full of lewd comments from males) but I do tend to find connections well on the Internet (probably because text is easier than vocal conversations for me). Seems like I am stuck in a catch-22 type situation. :?
"Would you rather fight a Sungura-sized spider or 1000 spider-sized Sunguras?" -Zarq
she/<any gender neutral>/snug

User avatar
Enuja
Posts: 1576
Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2009 9:40 pm UTC
Location: Chicago, IL
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Enuja » Mon Apr 21, 2014 4:12 pm UTC

If you don't want to take the time and energy to fill out an OkC profile, then don't, but ... if you identify yourself as "bisexual" or "gay," you can check a box "I don't want to see or be seen by straight people," which means you don't have to get messages from straight guys.

User avatar
Sungura
When life gives you banananas, make bananana bread
Posts: 3928
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2008 2:32 am UTC
Location: AL

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sungura » Mon Apr 21, 2014 8:23 pm UTC

Enuja wrote:If you don't want to take the time and energy to fill out an OkC profile, then don't, but ... if you identify yourself as "bisexual" or "gay," you can check a box "I don't want to see or be seen by straight people," which means you don't have to get messages from straight guys.

That's something new then, I knew I could say I'm not looking for guys, but I didn't know I could prevent my profile from even showing up to them. I have a very old account from about four years ago, so that it's "new" may be relative. If I can filter out all that crap so I don't have to deal with it, I would be more inclined.
"Would you rather fight a Sungura-sized spider or 1000 spider-sized Sunguras?" -Zarq
she/<any gender neutral>/snug

User avatar
Monika
Welcoming Aarvark
Posts: 3673
Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2008 8:03 am UTC
Location: Germany, near Heidelberg
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon Apr 21, 2014 9:21 pm UTC

cplns wrote:I'm 25 and I've never actually come out to anyone as bisexual. I've made comments about finding both girls and guys attractive, but I've never dated a girl and I've never actually come out and said the words to anyone. It almost makes me feel like a fake, like I can't be truly bi unless the whole world knows.

*offers hugs, if wanted*
I felt the same. Only I was 30 when I came out and when I started dating women.


Sungura wrote:I can't remember if I've posted here or not before but I could use some advice - I am bi (and have actually told my mom and brother this, and a few close friends, I don't really "hide" it but I do live in the southern US and I don't want to become a target, either) and I'm also what I learned to be demisexual. I thought I was asexual for the longest time because I never went through that "Oh me yarm he/she's cute/sexy/attractive" stage. Turns out nope, I just have to have a really good connection first. Anyway....I hope this question fits here. I would like to find a girlfriend, bonus if she is bi as well and likes (for whatever level of "like" she wishes to define) my primary SO too so we can at least all hang out and it's not awkward or something. But...I have a hard time connecting with people and most of my interests and passions are extremely male dominated so it is even harder to meet females whom I would get along with. Most of the females I do meet are catty and not friendly, probably partially due to the product of the interests and how a good bit of the men often act. I hate having pressure so I don't really want to try something like OK Cupid (it seems I just get an inbox full of lewd comments from males) but I do tend to find connections well on the Internet (probably because text is easier than vocal conversations for me). Seems like I am stuck in a catch-22 type situation. :?

I recommend online dating anyway. Enuja already told you about the OK Cupid option to block straight people. Other dating platforms may work, too, I'm using one where men pay for being able to contact people and women don't (basically there are three levels, women get the lower two free and men only the lowest, and one needs the medium level to contact people other than marking their profile with "I like" and hoping they will contact them).
#xkcd-q on irc.foonetic.net - the LGBTIQQA support channel
Please donate to help these people

User avatar
Tomlidich the second
Posts: 1230
Joined: Thu Mar 22, 2012 5:38 pm UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Tomlidich the second » Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:54 pm UTC

purchased this

just had to have them! May pair it with a nice pinstripe suit like this

whatcha guys think?
Image

User avatar
Brace
Posts: 1169
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2009 5:40 am UTC
Location: Denver, Co
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:59 pm UTC

This post had objectionable content.
Last edited by Brace on Mon Oct 06, 2014 1:02 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
"The future is the only kind of property that the masters willingly concede to the slaves" - Albert Camus

User avatar
Sungura
When life gives you banananas, make bananana bread
Posts: 3928
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2008 2:32 am UTC
Location: AL

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sungura » Mon Apr 21, 2014 11:09 pm UTC

Tomlidich the second wrote:purchased this

just had to have them! May pair it with a nice pinstripe suit like this

whatcha guys think?

Uhm YES :D I think that's a great idea! Also, those shoes are cool.
"Would you rather fight a Sungura-sized spider or 1000 spider-sized Sunguras?" -Zarq
she/<any gender neutral>/snug

User avatar
Tomlidich the second
Posts: 1230
Joined: Thu Mar 22, 2012 5:38 pm UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Tomlidich the second » Mon Apr 21, 2014 11:11 pm UTC

Sungura wrote:Uhm YES :D I think that's a great idea! Also, those shoes are cool.

well thanks :) I just saw them and had to buy them for something, never seen anything quite like it. this is actually my first thing with any kind of heel so it could take some practice.
Image

User avatar
NovaNatalia
Posts: 207
Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2011 1:11 am UTC
Location: Australia

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Tue Apr 22, 2014 4:57 am UTC

Enuja wrote:Oh, natashatasha, I'm so sorry to hear that you're not seeing big differences between how you looked with makeup before hormones and now. But I think that you should consider how powerful makeup is. Stage makeup can change people's apparent gender, and make them into "aliens," age them 50 years, and do all kinds of other things. So you've put this powerful filter over your appearance, and are disappointed that your appearance changes under that aren't showing through. Hopefully, you're now read as female more easily with less makeup, and without makeup at all. But when you put the same powerful mask of makeup on top of your face, you should expect to look quite simliar.

In other words: you're just awesome at makeup, and you've looked great the whole time. Nothing wrong with that!


Thanks for that Enuja, it made me smile.
I am the way into the doleful city. I am the way into eternal grief. I am the way to a forsaken race ... You who enter here, abandon all hope.

User avatar
Sungura
When life gives you banananas, make bananana bread
Posts: 3928
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2008 2:32 am UTC
Location: AL

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sungura » Tue Apr 22, 2014 3:05 pm UTC

Tomlidich the second wrote:
Sungura wrote:Uhm YES :D I think that's a great idea! Also, those shoes are cool.

well thanks :) I just saw them and had to buy them for something, never seen anything quite like it. this is actually my first thing with any kind of heel so it could take some practice.
I put on heels for the first time last week. I managed to not fall over but I only walked about 10 feet in the shoe store (was helping a friend shop). My trick was I walked on my tiptoes and never put any weight on the heel, but I would guess that would be hard over distances. Although according to my friend, that method is extremely important when walking on grass/dirt so the heel doesn't sink in.
"Would you rather fight a Sungura-sized spider or 1000 spider-sized Sunguras?" -Zarq
she/<any gender neutral>/snug

User avatar
SecondTalon
SexyTalon
Posts: 26529
Joined: Sat May 05, 2007 2:10 pm UTC
Location: Louisville, Kentucky, USA, Mars. HA!
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby SecondTalon » Tue Apr 22, 2014 3:49 pm UTC

That, or you get those stand things. I have no idea what the proper name for them would be, but they exist and they work ...well enough, at least.
heuristically_alone wrote:I want to write a DnD campaign and play it by myself and DM it myself.
heuristically_alone wrote:I have been informed that this is called writing a book.

User avatar
philsov
Not a fan of Diane Kruger
Posts: 1350
Joined: Sat Sep 20, 2008 7:58 pm UTC
Location: Texas

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby philsov » Tue Apr 22, 2014 8:19 pm UTC

Tomlidich the second wrote:purchased this

just had to have them!

whatcha guys think?


They're kinda fashionable -- but heels. ew. not for me. They'll go well with the suit, at least.

Have you always wanted to sport typically female fashion from time to time, or just felt the need to after coming out as bi? Or is there something about the heel aspect (height, comfort, feel, etc) that you're into? [Feel free to ignore these questions if that's your bag, too.]

(edited because ST justly loves the fora; apologies for making the space less safe)

Spoiler:
Yeah, let's Don't Do What Donny Don't Does. Namely, statements of opinion that paint those counter to the opinion as being objectively wrong. I'm leaving the rest in case whomever wants to answer it wants to answer it, but... y'know, ignore the shit out of it if that's your bag too. -ST
The time and seasons go on, but all the rhymes and reasons are wrong
I know I'll discover after its all said and done I should've been a nun.

User avatar
Monika
Welcoming Aarvark
Posts: 3673
Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2008 8:03 am UTC
Location: Germany, near Heidelberg
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Tue Apr 22, 2014 9:39 pm UTC

Brace wrote:I'm really sick, and I don't know whether it's physical or mental. I guess it doesn't matter, the problem will resolve itself soon.

I hope you get better soon!
#xkcd-q on irc.foonetic.net - the LGBTIQQA support channel
Please donate to help these people

User avatar
Tomlidich the second
Posts: 1230
Joined: Thu Mar 22, 2012 5:38 pm UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Tomlidich the second » Wed Apr 23, 2014 3:54 pm UTC

philsov wrote:
They're kinda fashionable -- but heels. ew. not for me. They'll go well with the suit, at least.

Have you always wanted to sport typically female fashion from time to time, or just felt the need to after coming out as bi? Or is there something about the heel aspect (height, comfort, feel, etc) that you're into? [Feel free to ignore these questions if that's your bag, too.]

(edited because ST justly loves the fora; apologies for making the space less safe)

Spoiler:
Yeah, let's Don't Do What Donny Don't Does. Namely, statements of opinion that paint those counter to the opinion as being objectively wrong. I'm leaving the rest in case whomever wants to answer it wants to answer it, but... y'know, ignore the shit out of it if that's your bag too. -ST


was this pre edit really offensive? i feel no shame.

anywho, always been a little curious about the other side of thigns bust mostly just going for more of a gender ambiguous approach: if it looks decent on me, i don't care what gender it was intended for. I will say coming out as Bi had a big part in finally expressing myself though.

as far as the heels go, well, they were traditionally seen as a sign of masculinity. now, i suppose they are feminine.
Me personally, the extra height is pretty cool, and they come in so many more varieties than other shoes do.
Image

User avatar
philsov
Not a fan of Diane Kruger
Posts: 1350
Joined: Sat Sep 20, 2008 7:58 pm UTC
Location: Texas

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby philsov » Wed Apr 23, 2014 7:28 pm UTC

the pre-edit was mostly a rant how crappy (imo) heels are. Mostly meant as provocation for discussion on their merits, but it came across as too judgey.

I appreciate the answer; I think it's kind of interesting how you're opting to go that direction with things, when it's equally as valid to adopt fashion typically suited for a homosexual man. Or a what homosexual man prefers, rather; fashion and orientation/gender is such a muck of things with all sorts of weird feedback loops and associations.

Tangental -- this popped up in my FB feed recently -- The Private Lives of Public Bathrooms: How psychology, gender roles, and design explain the distinctive way we behave in the world's stalls. It's a decent read. Personally I'm more at ease than average in a public restroom, mostly because throughout high school and college (sports, dorms, work) the showers / facilities were designed for multiple simultaneous users so I got over all that long ago.
The time and seasons go on, but all the rhymes and reasons are wrong
I know I'll discover after its all said and done I should've been a nun.

User avatar
SecondTalon
SexyTalon
Posts: 26529
Joined: Sat May 05, 2007 2:10 pm UTC
Location: Louisville, Kentucky, USA, Mars. HA!
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby SecondTalon » Wed Apr 23, 2014 7:31 pm UTC

philsov wrote:(edited because ST justly loves the fora; apologies for making the space less safe)


I do. I love it this much [.]

That's a scale model of our galactic cluster.
heuristically_alone wrote:I want to write a DnD campaign and play it by myself and DM it myself.
heuristically_alone wrote:I have been informed that this is called writing a book.

User avatar
poxic
Eloquently Prismatic
Posts: 4756
Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2008 3:28 am UTC
Location: Left coast of Canada

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Wed Apr 23, 2014 7:46 pm UTC

Heels make legs look awesome, on very many body types. They also throw yer body's mechanics out of whack. Since my body type is "old and sore", I avoid the hell out of anything more challenging than old people shoes.

(Seriously, when I check out people's shoes on the bus, 75% of over-engineered running shoes are worn by old fogeys.)
The Supreme Ethical Rule: Act so as to elicit the best in others and thereby in thyself.
- Felix Adler, professor, lecturer, and reformer (13 Aug 1851-1933)

User avatar
PM 2Ring
Posts: 3715
Joined: Mon Jan 26, 2009 3:19 pm UTC
Location: Sydney, Australia

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Thu Apr 24, 2014 7:07 am UTC

Sungura wrote:I put on heels for the first time last week. I managed to not fall over but I only walked about 10 feet in the shoe store (was helping a friend shop). My trick was I walked on my tiptoes and never put any weight on the heel, but I would guess that would be hard over distances. Although according to my friend, that method is extremely important when walking on grass/dirt so the heel doesn't sink in.

When wearing heels you do need to walk properly, with good posture, if you want to avoid wrecking your back. If you can't walk comfortably on your tiptoes, then it's probably a good idea to avoid wearing heels. Fortunately, there's lots of advice on the net on how to walk properly in heels. Walking around on tiptoes in bare feet (or comfy shoes) can be a good way to practice and to strengthen the muscles in your legs & lower back. Don't overdo it, and if you get pain, especially in your lower back, take a break.

User avatar
Tomlidich the second
Posts: 1230
Joined: Thu Mar 22, 2012 5:38 pm UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Tomlidich the second » Thu Apr 24, 2014 6:23 pm UTC

I have recieved aforementioned heels, and they are amazing.

I haven't tried them at length, due to being busy with other things, but walked around the house a tad. the extra height is very intriguing, and somewhat exciting. they actually look, well, pretty doggoned good on me. now i just need other stuff to match it.
Image

User avatar
Pfhorrest
Posts: 5487
Joined: Fri Oct 30, 2009 6:11 am UTC
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Pfhorrest » Fri Apr 25, 2014 4:56 am UTC

cplns wrote:I'm 25 and I've never actually come out to anyone as bisexual. I've made comments about finding both girls and guys attractive, but I've never dated a girl and I've never actually come out and said the words to anyone. It almost makes me feel like a fake, like I can't be truly bi unless the whole world knows.

Late to the convo (been on vacation) but I want to chime in that I too know this feel. I'm male and though my first sexual experience was with another man, and I've maintained a vivid fantasy life about sex with men my whole life, I'm very introverted and almost all of my relationships have begun when other people approached me, not when I approached other people, so statistics being what they are I've mostly had relationships with straight (or bi/pan) women. For the longest time I didn't think anything about that would disqualify me as bisexual (or pansexual as I say now), but then I read things... I can't even remember where, but something authoritative-sounding somewhere, I think from somewhere in the LGBT community or maybe some psychological/sociological authority... claiming that orientation is defined by behavior and not by internal mental states, and that has made be feel like a bit of a "fake" ever since, and kept me from mentioning it much to either straight or other queer people, because to the straights I'm a freak and to the queers I'm not even that, I'm a fake freak trying to be a special snowflake for attention or something. :( Or so it feels anyway. Like I need to join the LGBTU at my local university and go do pride parades and make a point of specifically seeking out gay relationships (instead of just letting whatever relationships happen, happen) just in order to validate thinking some men are sexy and that I'd enjoy doing sexy things with them if something like that were to happen.
Forrest Cameranesi, Geek of All Trades
"I am Sam. Sam I am. I do not like trolls, flames, or spam."
The Codex Quaerendae (my philosophy) - The Chronicles of Quelouva (my fiction)

User avatar
eSOANEM
:D
Posts: 3652
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2009 9:39 pm UTC
Location: Grantabrycge

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby eSOANEM » Fri Apr 25, 2014 7:45 am UTC

Most people have slightly different orientations when it comes to romantic attraction IRL, sexual attraction IRL, romantic attraction in fantasies and sexual attraction in fantasies. For most people the way they identify is some sort of average of this.

And of course, most people work out their identity based on attraction/fantasies rather than on their experiences (because generally their experiences are more limited). Other people may be surprised to learn how you identify if they only know your past relationships etc. but if they try to use that to tell you you're wrong then they're being a douchecanoe.
my pronouns are they

Magnanimous wrote:(fuck the macrons)

Wonderbolt
Posts: 212
Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2014 12:11 pm UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Fri Apr 25, 2014 9:17 am UTC

Pfhorrest wrote:I can't even remember where, but something authoritative-sounding somewhere, I think from somewhere in the LGBT community or maybe some psychological/sociological authority... claiming that orientation is defined by behavior and not by internal mental states, and that has made be feel like a bit of a "fake" ever since, and kept me from mentioning it much to either straight or other queer people, because to the straights I'm a freak and to the queers I'm not even that, I'm a fake freak trying to be a special snowflake for attention or something. :(

Bleh. The problem with being bi is that most people tend to be in a relationship with a single person at a time. So people are either going to claim that you're gay but just in denial, or actually straight and claiming to be bi for attention. Since bisexual people clearly exist, this alone is good enough reason for me to think the "orientation is defined by behavior and mental states don't matter" is stupid.

The Mighty Thesaurus
In your library, eating your students
Posts: 4399
Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 7:47 am UTC
Location: The Daily Bugle

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby The Mighty Thesaurus » Fri Apr 25, 2014 3:18 pm UTC

I guess that means straight virgins aren't really straight.
LE4dGOLEM wrote:your ability to tell things from things remains one of your skills.
Weeks wrote:Not only can you tell things from things, you can recognize when a thing is a thing

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

User avatar
philsov
Not a fan of Diane Kruger
Posts: 1350
Joined: Sat Sep 20, 2008 7:58 pm UTC
Location: Texas

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby philsov » Fri Apr 25, 2014 3:40 pm UTC

Wonderbolt wrote:The problem with being bi is that most people tend to be in a relationship with a single person at a time. So people are either going to claim that you're gay but just in denial, or actually straight and claiming to be bi for attention.


That's... never happened to me. If nothing else people at least provide the benefit of the doubt. What has happened is the scenario enuja talked about; when I'm with a dude, people think I'm gay and when I'm with a girl people think I'm straight. If I (or someone else) has corrects em, that's the end of it. Sure, I've been effectively gay for over a year now, but I'll never be a gold star member.

I'll agree that going by action-only is folly, though. Also the criteria is hazy... what counts? Kissing? Penetrative sex? Fapping to? Visual-sexual arousal? Too blurry.
The time and seasons go on, but all the rhymes and reasons are wrong
I know I'll discover after its all said and done I should've been a nun.

User avatar
Tomlidich the second
Posts: 1230
Joined: Thu Mar 22, 2012 5:38 pm UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Tomlidich the second » Fri Apr 25, 2014 4:44 pm UTC

I too, know this feeling. part of the reason i waited so long to actually come out as bi.

luckily I have a few, very supportive friends here and there that keep me going.
Image

User avatar
Monika
Welcoming Aarvark
Posts: 3673
Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2008 8:03 am UTC
Location: Germany, near Heidelberg
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Fri Apr 25, 2014 6:22 pm UTC

philsov wrote:
Wonderbolt wrote:The problem with being bi is that most people tend to be in a relationship with a single person at a time. So people are either going to claim that you're gay but just in denial, or actually straight and claiming to be bi for attention.


That's... never happened to me.

It was not quite that extreme (no mentioning of "gay in denial" or "bi for attention"), but monosexual gay people at my work LGBT group have said that in their opinion bi people in a heterosexual relationship are straight and those in a same-sex relationship are gay and only those that have at least one male and one female partner at the same time are bi.

Those people are wrong.
#xkcd-q on irc.foonetic.net - the LGBTIQQA support channel
Please donate to help these people

User avatar
Sungura
When life gives you banananas, make bananana bread
Posts: 3928
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2008 2:32 am UTC
Location: AL

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sungura » Fri Apr 25, 2014 10:06 pm UTC

Monika wrote:
philsov wrote:
Wonderbolt wrote:The problem with being bi is that most people tend to be in a relationship with a single person at a time. So people are either going to claim that you're gay but just in denial, or actually straight and claiming to be bi for attention.


That's... never happened to me.

It was not quite that extreme (no mentioning of "gay in denial" or "bi for attention"), but monosexual gay people at my work LGBT group have said that in their opinion bi people in a heterosexual relationship are straight and those in a same-sex relationship are gay and only those that have at least one male and one female partner at the same time are bi.

Those people are wrong.

Most people assume I am heterosexual because the only person they ever see me with is my male partner (boyfriend sounds too fleeting, as it's much more serious - which brings up a side question, what are some other terms people use?). This bothers me, and at the same time, living where I do, it doesn't because it means I have less questions coming at me. I already get enough questions about why my partner and I have been together for over two years now and aren't married (which while I guess doesn't exactly fit into a LGBTQ thread, we have a non traditional relationship and while it could work, why? neither of us can think of why we would bother). I'm not actively seeking out an additional relationship but I kinda want to start, and thanks to the info about okcupid blocking, I will once I get a moment to start up my profile again.

There is a person I have joked about going to a family reunion with and making out with her and hold hands and all that, just to make my family freak out because they refuse to acknowledge who I am. She liked the idea a lot, but its one of those "that would be hilarious! but we will probably never have the guts to do" things. "dont rock the boat" and all that with families. Ugh.

I think what bothers me most is when others (whether individual or groups) are convinced they are more able to tell someone what that person is, more than the person knows themselves.
"Would you rather fight a Sungura-sized spider or 1000 spider-sized Sunguras?" -Zarq
she/<any gender neutral>/snug

User avatar
apricity
almost grown-up but not quite
Posts: 3983
Joined: Fri Jan 26, 2007 9:28 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby apricity » Fri Apr 25, 2014 10:14 pm UTC

Sungura wrote:Most people assume I am heterosexual because the only person they ever see me with is my male partner (boyfriend sounds too fleeting, as it's much more serious - which brings up a side question, what are some other terms people use?). This bothers me, and at the same time, living where I do, it doesn't because it means I have less questions coming at me. I already get enough questions about why my partner and I have been together for over two years now and aren't married (which while I guess doesn't exactly fit into a LGBTQ thread, we have a non traditional relationship and while it could work, why? neither of us can think of why we would bother).

Yeah, I have the same problem where it bothers me that people assume I'm heterosexual because I have a male SO. Terminology-wise, I say SO online, but usually boyfriend in person because the phrase "significant other" sounds weird and too formal to me out loud. But boyfriend also sounds wrong and immature, since we've been together almost 5 years. I wouldn't say partner because that sounds permanent to me and we're not there yet. If we get married I'll probably say partner rather than husband because I like the ambiguity. Other suggestions would be nice, especially if they're not gendered. I like the idea of other people not being able to assume pronouns, because it at least introduces the idea of "hey maybe she's not straight". I like "siggo" as a shortened form of "significant other" but other people don't really know what that means!
LE4d wrote:have you considered becoming an electron

it takes just a little practice to learn to be
(she/her/hers)

User avatar
PM 2Ring
Posts: 3715
Joined: Mon Jan 26, 2009 3:19 pm UTC
Location: Sydney, Australia

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Sat Apr 26, 2014 8:26 am UTC

Wonderbolt wrote:The problem with being bi is that most people tend to be in a relationship with a single person at a time. So people are either going to claim that you're gay but just in denial, or actually straight and claiming to be bi for attention. Since bisexual people clearly exist, this alone is good enough reason for me to think the "orientation is defined by behavior and mental states don't matter" is stupid.

Yeah, that can be annoying. Especially when you miss out on hooking up with people because they incorrectly assume that you wouldn't be interested in them. And vice versa...

When I was in my late teens, many moons ago, I was somewhat attracted to one of my house mates in a share house. We had a good musical relationship (we both sing & play guitar), but we both assumed that the other wouldn't be interested in anything more intimate, since I assumed that she was lesbian & she assumed that I was gay, due to the relationships we each observed the other to be in. Luckily, we bumped into each other about 10 years later and worked out we were both bi. :)


lanicita wrote:Terminology-wise, I say SO online, but usually boyfriend in person because the phrase "significant other" sounds weird and too formal to me out loud.

The phrase "significant other" always reminds me of this:
Image
:D

User avatar
Sungura
When life gives you banananas, make bananana bread
Posts: 3928
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2008 2:32 am UTC
Location: AL

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sungura » Sat Apr 26, 2014 6:17 pm UTC

lanicita wrote:
Sungura wrote:Most people assume I am heterosexual because the only person they ever see me with is my male partner (boyfriend sounds too fleeting, as it's much more serious - which brings up a side question, what are some other terms people use?). This bothers me, and at the same time, living where I do, it doesn't because it means I have less questions coming at me. I already get enough questions about why my partner and I have been together for over two years now and aren't married (which while I guess doesn't exactly fit into a LGBTQ thread, we have a non traditional relationship and while it could work, why? neither of us can think of why we would bother).

Yeah, I have the same problem where it bothers me that people assume I'm heterosexual because I have a male SO. Terminology-wise, I say SO online, but usually boyfriend in person because the phrase "significant other" sounds weird and too formal to me out loud. But boyfriend also sounds wrong and immature, since we've been together almost 5 years. I wouldn't say partner because that sounds permanent to me and we're not there yet. If we get married I'll probably say partner rather than husband because I like the ambiguity. Other suggestions would be nice, especially if they're not gendered. I like the idea of other people not being able to assume pronouns, because it at least introduces the idea of "hey maybe she's not straight". I like "siggo" as a shortened form of "significant other" but other people don't really know what that means!

Yes i feel the same about SO! Sounds great...but not all written out.
Ugh we need more words. Anything good in other languages we can borrow, perhaps?

A quick search reveals "lovefriend" and "paramour"
Any more ideas?
"Would you rather fight a Sungura-sized spider or 1000 spider-sized Sunguras?" -Zarq
she/<any gender neutral>/snug

User avatar
poxic
Eloquently Prismatic
Posts: 4756
Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2008 3:28 am UTC
Location: Left coast of Canada

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Sat Apr 26, 2014 6:28 pm UTC

I sort of like "my [dude|gal]". Casual yet implies a non-fleeting relationship.
The Supreme Ethical Rule: Act so as to elicit the best in others and thereby in thyself.
- Felix Adler, professor, lecturer, and reformer (13 Aug 1851-1933)


Return to “General”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 26 guests