[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Wonderbolt
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Thu May 08, 2014 7:57 pm UTC

Weird question maybe, but could I perhaps PM some people here who know about that kind of thing a few pictures of my face? I'm... absolutely clueless about whether I'm going to need FFS of some sort. I hear all this stuff about bone structure, but other than a few things I'm not really seeing it. On the other hand, I'm not seeing a 'female face' either, so perhaps I'm just severely misguided. Halp?

I'd rather not just post it in the thread due to it then being easily available on the internet and all that.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Fri May 09, 2014 1:01 am UTC

Wonderbolt wrote:I'm... absolutely clueless about whether I'm going to need FFS of some sort.


Let me set a baseline here by saying no, you don't need FFS. The question is rather whether you want FFS. (Note: I'm not trying to say that it's a trivial choice or that it'd necessarily be a waste or anything - merely that if you do anything with regards to FFS, it should be because you want to, not because someone else thinks you need to. Feel free to ask other people for opinions on how you look, but the final choice should be based on how you feel.)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Fri May 09, 2014 1:02 am UTC

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Fri May 09, 2014 12:25 pm UTC

Brace, do you mean virtualffs.co.uk? I've considered going there if I'm actually certain about wanting FFS to get an idea of what to expect. I hear she's very good.

Aaeriele, that's a very good point. I guess it's mainly about wanting a bit of certainty about what's going to happen, instead of having to wait at least half a year or so. It seems easier to deal with if others can tell which parts may turn out to be problematic, instead of having to find out by waiting.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Sat May 10, 2014 10:29 pm UTC

Austria won the Eurovision Songfestival! Conchita Wurst made a pretty powerful political statement, and the fact that she won gives me hope that the world isn't as fucked up as it often appears to be.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby eSOANEM » Sat May 10, 2014 11:40 pm UTC

Sadly at least four countries (IIRC, Armenia, Belarus, Russia and one other) had quite popular petitions trying to get her banned from Eurovision.

It was also both slightly depressing and proud-making to see the western-europe/eastern-europe divide in votes for Conchita.

Anyway, I am glad she won. It was good politically and the song was the best bond theme that wasn't I've ever heard.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Red Hal » Sun May 11, 2014 8:21 am UTC

Except ... Conchita Wurst is actually the stage name of Drag Queen Tom Neuwirth. When in her stage persona as Conchita she prefers female pronouns, but when not he is definite Tom and is on record as NOT being trans http://wiwibloggs.com/2014/04/06/conchi ... er/45930/# .

I'm happy that someone with a non standard gender presentation won Eurovision, but doesn't this have the potential to confuse the wider audience about what being transgender actually means? Or maybe I'm wrong and actually it's a great chance to educate.

Edit: Actually, the more I think about it, the more I think it actually is a chance to educate people.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Sun May 11, 2014 9:24 am UTC

Red Hal wrote:I'm happy that someone with a non standard gender presentation won Eurovision, but doesn't this have the potential to confuse the wider audience about what being transgender actually means? Or maybe I'm wrong and actually it's a great chance to educate.

I saw it mostly as a good sign that gender-nonconformity is becoming less of an issue.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby eSOANEM » Sun May 11, 2014 11:01 am UTC

Red Hal wrote:I'm happy that someone with a non standard gender presentation won Eurovision, but doesn't this have the potential to confuse the wider audience about what being transgender actually means? Or maybe I'm wrong and actually it's a great chance to educate.

Edit: Actually, the more I think about it, the more I think it actually is a chance to educate people.


I think the public is, generally, more aware of drag acts and cross-dressing than they are of trans people. That said, the public does get confused by the distinction far too often. Still, like you say, hopefully with Conchita in the spotlight, people will end up looking around online and educating themselves more.

The main benefit (as one of my non-binary friends said) is that there's now a generation of young people confused about their gender identity or how they want to express that who've now seen someone who doesn't conform to traditional ideas of gender presentation being celebrated.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Red Hal » Sun May 11, 2014 12:25 pm UTC

Yes. And to my mind that's a good thing if it helps to normalise non-binary gender identity.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sun May 11, 2014 9:10 pm UTC

Some LGBT people of color who I follow on Twitter pointed out that the Conchita Wurst performance is cultural appropriation or similar to blackface, as a white person plays a character of color.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Kewangji » Sun May 11, 2014 11:39 pm UTC

Monika wrote:Some LGBT people of color who I follow on Twitter pointed out that the Conchita Wurst performance is cultural appropriation or similar to blackface, as a white person plays a character of color.

This view of it makes me really quite sad.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby eSOANEM » Mon May 12, 2014 12:11 am UTC

I heard about this. I think it'd be important to know whether it was American latinos who were objecting or if European Spaniards were as well. I know that, in the states, latino is generally treated as a distinct ethnicity and, whilst Spanish is certainly a distinct nationality and something someone might identify as even if they don't have a Spanish passport, I don't think it'd be considered as a separate ethnicity in the same way.

I'm also not sure to what extent she is borrowing from Spanish/latino culture either beyond the name.

Unfortunately, the internet's making it difficult to find out any relevant info on the matter (or indeed anything beyond a few people saying that there have been accusations of appropriation) because everything's swamped by people saying how good it is that she won.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Mon May 12, 2014 12:13 am UTC

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Thu May 15, 2014 9:28 pm UTC

The character Conchita Wurst has a made-up biography that starts with being born in the mountains of Columbia: http://www.conchitawurst.com/index.php?id=7 . So this is pretty definitely "brown face".
(I don't get the point about Spanish from Spain and Spanish from Latin America.)
The (in my opinion legitimate) complaint by some queer/trans people of color is: "This white queer person created a brown character to make a point about the oppression of white queer people".
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Kewangji » Thu May 15, 2014 9:54 pm UTC

I'm sorry, I misunderstood your point, Monika.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby eSOANEM » Thu May 15, 2014 10:46 pm UTC

Monika wrote:The character Conchita Wurst has a made-up biography that starts with being born in the mountains of Columbia: http://www.conchitawurst.com/index.php?id=7 . So this is pretty definitely "brown face".
(I don't get the point about Spanish from Spain and Spanish from Latin America.)
The (in my opinion legitimate) complaint by some queer/trans people of color is: "This white queer person created a brown character to make a point about the oppression of white queer people".


I hadn't realised Conchita Wurst was explicitly Columbian. I'd assumed it was more likely that she was intended to be Iberian-Spanish and so it's Spaniards' opinions which are relevant rather than latinos'. Obviously, as I was mistaken, my conclusion is no longer valid.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Thu May 15, 2014 10:51 pm UTC

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Fri May 16, 2014 8:34 pm UTC

Very, very, veeeeery TMI.
Spoiler:
I think I'm shooting blanks already. That happened sooner than I expected. :|
Re: Conchita Wurst, I didn't even realize the 'brown face' thing (though I must admit I also didn't know what Tom looked like), but that's sucky. Kind of reminded me of the blackface disasters we've been getting the last few years in the NL.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sungura » Fri May 23, 2014 6:07 pm UTC

Great blog by a friend of mine, promoted by some stuff that has happened (because of course, some people are transphobic and angry) since the City of Rochester (NY) is one of the rare cities to provide transgender health benefits Jan 1 (I think 2015, by the sounds of the article) - "Under the new coverage, effective Jan. 1, city employees will be eligible to receive services related to gender reassignment surgery, such as medical and psychological counseling, hormone therapy and cosmetic and reconstructive surgeries." from the article here http://www.democratandchronicle.com/sto ... s/2232754/

http://chronsofnon.blogspot.com/2014/05 ... black.html
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Fri May 30, 2014 4:20 pm UTC

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Fri May 30, 2014 9:29 pm UTC

Brace wrote:Also, good news for everyone else too. The Federal Health board ruled medicare can be used to pay for SRS. (Although technically it doesn't say SRS, so it might be broader)

As usual, don't read the comments (or in this case, the retweets).

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Sat May 31, 2014 4:43 am UTC

Does anyone know anything about epilators? As near I can tell, it works basically the same way as tweezing (but faster) or waxing (but cheaper), and when I looked it up a number of sites seemed to prefer it (e.g. Ideal Muslimah), which is making me think of buying one. Are they as good as they seem, and does anyone have any recommendations if they are? Looking around YouTube reviews, the Braun Silk-epil 7 Pro 7681 seems to be highly rated and popular.

As a side note, just passed 40 weeks HRT!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Sat May 31, 2014 5:18 am UTC

Epilators hurt like fuck. I have one and seriously most of what it's made me is afraid to remove hair. Some people like them and they are definitely faster than tweezing and cheaper than waxing but I cannot, based on my experience with a single model, recommend them. I might just be a baby with sensitive skin but good god, it's even worse than electro.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Sat May 31, 2014 5:59 am UTC

I got one in a fit of optimism, ages ago. I tried it once, then shoved it way into the back of the bathroom cabinet from where it haunted me for a couple of years before I chucked it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Sat May 31, 2014 7:39 am UTC

natashatasha wrote:As a side note, just passed 40 weeks HRT!

Yay!

Shivahn wrote:Epilators hurt like fuck.

This. Epilators can be ok if you have fine body hair, otherwise they can be torture - worse than a bad wax job.

Is HRT making your body hair finer? If so, epilation may be ok for you; if not now, maybe in another year or so. If you have thick body hair, epilation will be painful, so it might be advisable to save up your pennies for laser or IPL. It is expensive, and it requires multiple treatments over time to catch all the follicles in the right growth phase. But be warned light-based methods work best if your hair is dark.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Sat May 31, 2014 7:44 am UTC

That's a bit disappointing :( My chest is completely covered in fur and it's so hard to find decent women's clothing that covers all the way to the neck, and I don't want to shave it every other day (and there's no way I"ll ever be able to afford monthly waxing or permanent hair removal on such a scale).
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Sat May 31, 2014 9:53 am UTC

natashatasha wrote:That's a bit disappointing My chest is completely covered in fur and it's so hard to find decent women's clothing that covers all the way to the neck, and I don't want to shave it every other day (and there's no way I"ll ever be able to afford monthly waxing or permanent hair removal on such a scale).

You can probably wax your chest yourself, as it's not hard to reach nor hard to see in a mirror. Waxing strips can also be pretty cheap (although you have to experiment a bit, some are awful and leave stickiness all over your body). Not to mention that epilators aren't terrible for everyone! Well, they were for me, but I've heard people say good things about them. If nothing else works, you can always try. :)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sat May 31, 2014 2:17 pm UTC

Brace wrote:CU Boulder accepted me to their Computer and Electrical Engineering program.

Congratulations! *hugs*

Hopefully I don't disappoint them

I'm sure you won't.

or run out of money, or fail to find a place to live other than my mom's house since she's insane and I couldn't function around her.

I hope everything will turn out alright.

Also, good news for everyone else too. The Federal Health board ruled medicare can be used to pay for SRS. (Although technically it doesn't say SRS, so it might be broader)

That's great news!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sungura » Mon Jun 02, 2014 1:55 am UTC

Wonderbolt wrote:
natashatasha wrote:That's a bit disappointing My chest is completely covered in fur and it's so hard to find decent women's clothing that covers all the way to the neck, and I don't want to shave it every other day (and there's no way I"ll ever be able to afford monthly waxing or permanent hair removal on such a scale).

You can probably wax your chest yourself, as it's not hard to reach nor hard to see in a mirror. Waxing strips can also be pretty cheap (although you have to experiment a bit, some are awful and leave stickiness all over your body). Not to mention that epilators aren't terrible for everyone! Well, they were for me, but I've heard people say good things about them. If nothing else works, you can always try. :)

Look up recipes for sugaring, or get moom. Simple cheap and IMPO less painful than waxing. I haven't tried making my own yet but recipes are basically "sugar, honey, and a dash of this and that" - all common stuff most folk have in their kitchen already. Cut up some strips of cloth, wash & reuse them. Overall, really cheap. When I get in the mood I do my own legs, usually in the summer when I'll get away for a while and don't want to bother with shaving. Chest should be easy enough to get the angle right yourself, or find a buddy and make a movie/popcorn/moom party out of it?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Mon Jun 02, 2014 2:28 am UTC

Yeah, as everyone said, waxing (or sugaring, really) yourself should be fine. Like a $20 kit should be good for many months. That is what I have backed up to.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby AngrySquirrel » Tue Jun 03, 2014 8:14 am UTC

Gods I'm tired of having to defend my sexuality as a real thing.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Tue Jun 03, 2014 12:40 pm UTC

AngrySquirrel wrote:Gods I'm tired of having to defend my sexuality as a real thing.

The next stage is to learn to not give a flying fuck for the opinions of people who expect you to defend your sexuality as a real thing... :)

:big hugs:

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Tue Jun 03, 2014 1:50 pm UTC

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Tyndmyr » Tue Jun 03, 2014 2:24 pm UTC

Brace wrote:I sent my mom a letter explaining that I no longer want her in my life unless she goes to therapy for her narcissism. She will probably respond by throwing out or selling all of my possessions, and possibly filing a restraining order if she's able to spin things that way.


A restraining order on such grounds should be somewhat hard to pull off, loose as those requirements are...but all the same, that's particularly rough. Good on you for taking action, though. I grew up in a somewhat similar environment, and it wasn't until I took a similar stance that things kind of simmered down to a sort of a cold war. Here's hoping things don't go quite so badly!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Tue Jun 03, 2014 3:15 pm UTC

That's rough, Brace =/

Hopefully things go better than expected.

AngrySquirrel wrote:Gods I'm tired of having to defend my sexuality as a real thing.


I gave up labeling myself (which is almost always for the convenience of others, anyway) when I was told by two people with the same information that I'm not really a lesbian, I'm bisexual, and that I'm not really bisexual, I'm a lesbian.

I'm sorry people are giving you flak for being you.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Sat Jun 07, 2014 11:03 pm UTC

I... I think I can actually see a girl face when I look in the mirror after taking a shower (a bit of steam and having my hair pulled back helps). That was weird.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby existentialpanda » Sun Jun 08, 2014 7:37 am UTC

Hello, alphabet soup thread, I've been following you for nearly four years :D (Is there any way to say that without sounding like a stalker?) I've considered posting many times, but always chickened out. I do this in real life too. I'm hoping to fix that.

Hi, I'm existentialpanda, and I'm a lesbian.

So far, only my brother and a couple of my friends know, though I'm hoping to change that soon. My parents at least suspect, given that they've both explicitly told me that they would be okay with it - at which point I utterly failed to take the opportunity to tell them that it's good that they feel that way because I am, in fact, gay - but I have yet to explicitly tell them.

Some time ago, I set myself a deadline (graduation) for coming out on Facebook, which would take care of everyone I know IRL in one fell swoop except maybe my parents (who almost never go on FB, so I'd still probably have to tell them in person). Every time I try, though, I chicken out. But I'm running out of time now, unless I want to give up on my little self-imposed deadline and feel like even more of a coward. So. Sometime this week. Maybe tomorrow. (I know, I know, but it's the middle of the night and nobody will see, which kind of defeats the purpose.)

Maybe posting this, here, now, will make it easier. A dry run, so to speak. In front of people who I don't know (except for one of you *waves hello to that one person*).

I don't know why I chicken out. I'm not worried about anybody's reactions or anything. I know that everyone I currently know (whose opinions I care about, anyway) will be perfectly okay with it. I've been lucky thus far in that respect. But I still freeze up. Because no matter how certain I am that the people I care about won't mind, I still hear the voices whispering otherwise (not actual voices, metaphorical ones) and even though I'm better at ignoring them these days, I've got a long way to go.

Hopefully, though, before too long I'll be able to report that all of Facebook knows and that I got showered with likes (or something). Crossing fingers.

And on a completely unrelated note: As I mentioned earlier, I've been following this thread for nearly four years now, and I just wanted to say that I've found it extremely helpful - not only the things posted here, but all the various outside sources that people have linked to. I've learned so much from you all, and it has helped me not only in figuring out who I am, but also in learning about LGBT issues in general. In short, you are all wonderful people, and I thank you :D :D :D

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sun Jun 08, 2014 11:34 am UTC

Welcome to the thread :) . Good luck with your coming out!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Sun Jun 08, 2014 6:06 pm UTC

Coming out can be scary! I've come out to people who were not super important in my life and also I knew would be ok with it and it was still nerve wracking. That's totally normal!


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