I've been doing a lot of thinking about my sexuality lately (probably because it looks like there might actually be a chance for me to express said sexuality for once). I've discovered (with the help of this kickass article on cross-orientation sexuality
that I'm a pretty much a panromantic bi-curious heterosexual (I've just discovered that my romantic orientation isn't even in firefox's dictionary). I also think I'm in theory polyamorous (in that I see no wrong in it, and it would be a bit difficult to explore my orientation fully without being poly).
I've recently realised that romantic and sexual attraction are sometimes two entirely separate things for me, and are quite often elicited by different people. Gender plays no part in my romantic attraction, male, female, both, neither - it makes no difference (although I had been suppressing my romantic attraction to guys, because I wasn't sexually attracted to them). Romantic attraction for me is to do with a person's mind, not their body (although I think non-sexual physical contact such as holding hands, snuggling or even kissing would be massively important for me in such a relationship - because it has such profound emotional content).
As for sexual attraction, it's about 90% female, but there are a some men I'm sexually attracted to and I'd like to explore that someday. I'm becoming more receptive to the idea of homosexual relationships as time goes on, so I'm wondering how much of my heterosexuality is cultural conditioning.
This is a rather tame sort of coming out as coming-outs go but there it is (it's tame mainly because I could still be happy in a heterosexual monogamous relationship, which is a bit of a safety net as far as societal acceptance goes)*. I do have a few questions, so if any of you wonderful people have any thoughts on the following I would be grateful:
1) Are there any good dating sites for finding non-sexual romantic relationships? I'd really like to see what one is like - I find that sex complicates romance for me, a purely romantic relationship sounds like it could be a wonderful thing.
2) For any romantic asexuals following this thread - are you likely to be freaked out be someone who is sexually attracted to your gender in general, but not to you in particular, would you consider a romantic non-sexual relationship with that person?
3) What happens if I am in a non-sexual romantic relationship and I become sexually attracted to the other person over time? It strikes me that could be very painful for all involved.
* Given my (lack of) dating history I am also reminded of Alan Bennett's answer when asked by Sir Ian McKellen if he was gay or straight: "That's a bit like asking a man crawling across the Sahara whether he would prefer Perrier or Malvern water."
Edit: Now I'm reading about the difference between sensual and romantic attraction
, and I guess I can put myself down as pansensual too - this human relationship stuff sure is complicated. I'm rapidly coming to the point of just saying I'm queer: I'm attracted to different people in lots of different ways and it doesn't all fit within a nice neat little box.