[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Wonderbolt
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Mon Dec 22, 2014 11:45 pm UTC

Thanks everyone.
poxic wrote:Don't worry about whether you're "reacting correctly" - there is no one true way to heal. Hold yourself in your heart and give yourself the compassion you would want to give to your best friend.

:nod: Thank you. I'm doing my best, but it's... hard.

Spoiler:
Monika wrote:You're not "crying rape over a minor thing"! Who knows what that guy was up to? Someone who tries to drag women into his car is certainly up to no good. I'm sure he is the kind of guy who gives women lots of alcohol at his shitty parties or maybe even date-rape drugs and then deludes himself into thinking that it's not rape if she's too drunk to say no. And if not that, then copious groping and other shit. Good you beat the shit out of him! Serves him right! Maybe he will not harass a woman so soon again.

I hope so, but... somehow I doubt he'll stop harassing people. And, to be honest, a lot of what I'm feeling awful about right now is the flashbacks to army things. I... that was when I was most dysphoric, and this brought back the memories pretty strongly for some reason.
Monika wrote:Your housemate is shitty, too. Why the hell would they say a thing like that? Why would you make up such a thing to tell them, why would they even think that? That's a horrible thing to say when someone tells them about sexual assault. Also sexual assault has little to do with how the victim was dressed or how pretty or not pretty she is, it even doesn't have a lot to do with sex, it's mostly about controlling the victim and feeling powerful.

Yeah. To be honest, she and I really don't get along well (to put it lightly). But I needed to talk to *someone* when I got home, and as much I dislike her, I didn't expect her to pull that one on me.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Bekah » Tue Dec 23, 2014 2:32 am UTC

having not read your post bc of my own trigger issues...

*warmest hugs*

react in the way that feels right to you, its about you feeling better not fitting a description in a manual somewhere.
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Wonderbolt
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Wed Dec 24, 2014 12:22 am UTC

Thank you all. I think today was a good day.

Considering permanently doing away with Facebook. I only have two or three people on there I'd definitely still consider friends, and the rest are just... meh. Besides, I have plenty other channels to talk with those people. Transitioning made things really awkward with most of my fb friends, too. (Uploaded a picture some time ago, and got a lot of private messages along the line of people thinking I looked great but they also felt really awkward and like I was a totally different person now, and I'm just here being... I never see these people, why do I subject myself to this?)

Otherwise, things are good right now, though. :) A little scared about Christmas, since I'm visiting parents and they have been... less than enthusiastic about things so far.

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PM 2Ring
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Wed Dec 24, 2014 4:40 am UTC

:big hugs: to Wonderbolt. No hugs to her bitchy housemate.

I guess you didn't get that creep's license plate number...

Spoiler:
That sort of shit is horrible to experience, and although what happened to you is technically not rape it is most definitely still sex-based assault and attempted kidnapping. Hell, just having unpleasant stuff yelled at you from some neanderthal in a car can be horrible for your confidence and self-esteem. And we have no idea what might've happened if you hadn't been able to fight him off (and beat the crap out of him :) ). So it's totally understandable that this incident upset you... and totally mean and bitchy for your housemate to make the comment she did.

At least you know that you have the love and support of the people here.

:more hugs:

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eSOANEM
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby eSOANEM » Sat Dec 27, 2014 4:58 pm UTC

So this Christmas was fun.

spoilered for rambling discussion about being outed and occasional problematic language:

Spoiler:
I came out as genderqueer (also grey-ace and bi) to my friends at uni in november but hadn't been planning to come out to my parents or any other family for a while yet.

On Christmas eve, my gran was staying over and, at dinner, the fact that many of my friends are queer came up. This led her to ask "what about you? Are you usual?".

At this point I either needed an immediate lie or to out myself and my response took too long coming to really have any option whatsoever.

I gave as brief an explanation as I could (although I did mention my pronouns). I hadn't wanted to do it in person; I certainly hadn't wanted to do it this soon; I hadn't wanted to do it to them before other people; I hadn't been planning to do it; I hadn't wanted to.

I also asked them to use he pronouns for me at Christmas dinner around the other family because there was no way I was ready to come out to them as well.

They reacted fairly well. None of them were as shocked as I'd thought them might be.

Christmas went ok as did boxing day (although they didn't seem to even acknowledge it when I corrected them using the wrong pronouns for me).

I finally redrafted the post I made for my friends so I could give it to them today. It's more of a rush job than I'd wanted it to be and was long and rambly and probably not very good. It's something though. Hopefully they'll be good with my pronouns (my mum's been good about using the correct pronouns for my friends). We shall see.

At least it gave me a handy opportunity to tell my dad I'm not a christian and I have mental health issues. Hopefully the gender stuff will overshadow that a bit.
my pronouns are they

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NovaNatalia
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Tue Dec 30, 2014 8:45 pm UTC

Spoiler:
I thought I could deal with this without coming here, but I can't and I'm having a really bad time. I'm home for Christmas and my family refuses to use the right names and pronouns, despite the face we're all really close and always have been, and my partner of two years dumped me for someone better a couple of days before Christmas, sending the break-up message in text over Skype. So the foundations I thought were secure are all coming apart :S Especially if you recall my last rant here when I had the panic attack they were the only one capable of talking me down. I don't know what I did wrong. :(
I am the way into the doleful city. I am the way into eternal grief. I am the way to a forsaken race ... You who enter here, abandon all hope.

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PM 2Ring
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Wed Dec 31, 2014 1:25 am UTC

:big hugs: to NovaNatalia. Getting dumped at Christmas sucks.

It's generally pretty hard for family members to break old patterns, but for them to point-blank refuse to use your preferred pronouns is mean. If it's any consolation, it could be worse.

:more hugs:

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NovaNatalia
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Wed Dec 31, 2014 1:31 am UTC

I know it could be worse, which makes me feel awful — I feel so terrible and monopolise so much attention when there are people that have it worse than me who need it more, so I feel guilty every time I try to talk about it. Especially after reading this this morning (TW: transphobia, suicide). I'm so lucky ... but I don't feel it. I'm so ungrateful and self-centred, and even being aware of that I still feel awful.
I am the way into the doleful city. I am the way into eternal grief. I am the way to a forsaken race ... You who enter here, abandon all hope.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Wed Dec 31, 2014 2:18 am UTC

Please don't feel guilty about coming here for attention, NovaNatalia - that's (partly) what this place is for! And by mentioning that other people have it worse I certainly didn't mean to imply that your suffering was trivial or to diminish it in any way.

Plenty of us here can relate to feeling horrible about lack of acceptance of our gender identity &/or sexuality. I'm sure you know that our sympathy for your situation is genuine, since we've been through that shit too. I wish that I could somehow use the suffering I've personally experienced to magically make you feel better, but sadly it doesn't work like that. But maybe knowing that we do care for you helps a little bit. So hang in there, girl!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Enuja » Wed Dec 31, 2014 3:23 am UTC

*hugs*

Do not feel guilty about coming here. Do not feel guilty about "taking" attention that other people need. This forum is actually quite quiet, and you coming here with your problems is a way of building community. People see your post and read it. Some readers feel empathy with your experience, feel stronger for knowing that they are not alone and other people have simliar problems. Other people understand unfamiliar experiences by reading your posts. And some people comment, in sympathy and aid. You (and others) posting about your problems is the backbone of this thread. Without problems, this thread would not exist. Do not feel guilty when looking for human support. We all need it, whether our "objective" experience is extremely cosseted and comfortable or absolutely horrendous, or the more usual situation of being somewhere in between. People feel pain in many circumstances. There is no reason to compare and rank negative experiences, and especially no reason to dole out sympathy only to those whose experiences are "bad" enough.

Everyone SHOULD be self centered. You are the person who knows yourself best, you are the person best situated to figure out what you need and to take steps to meet your needs. The most supportive and interconnected social support systems are built of people who figure out what they need to keep going, and get those needs met. There is a reason "self care" is a thing for activists. You can't help anyone, until and unless you're in good shape, yourself!

On the very sad news you read this morning: a friend of mine wrote about it, and she said that one of the most important concrete steps trans folks can do is to come out as trans, so people like Leelah don't feel as alone as she did. Being out here, under your username, counts. You posting about your own experiences is a super important concrete step to prevent future suicides. Just being yourself, sharing your human problems, is doing a good thing for society as a whole.

Losing a part of your support network sucks! And getting dumped by sucks! And your family being obnoxious around you sucks! I'm sorry that this sucky stuff has been happening to you lately, and wish you strength and happiness going forward.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Wed Dec 31, 2014 10:47 am UTC

NovaNatalia wrote:
Spoiler:
I thought I could deal with this without coming here, but I can't and I'm having a really bad time. I'm home for Christmas and my family refuses to use the right names and pronouns, despite the face we're all really close and always have been, and my partner of two years dumped me for someone better a couple of days before Christmas, sending the break-up message in text over Skype. So the foundations I thought were secure are all coming apart :S Especially if you recall my last rant here when I had the panic attack they were the only one capable of talking me down. I don't know what I did wrong. :(

*hugs and holds* You did nothing wrong. They are doing things wrong.
Do you feel you have the energy to keep reminding your family members of your pronouns? Or talk with them individually that it hurts you a lot? Or write them notes/letters to ask them to change their behavior?

And don't feel guilty complaining about how people treat you badly just because others have it worse. There is almost always someone having it worse. Not only the worst-treated people have the right to complain, and most of them would tell you so, too - [TW suicide for rest of sentence] the suicide note specifically mentioned wanting to achieve that all trans people are treated with dignity, and that includes you, even if your parents are not quite as bad and not sending you to faith-based anti-trans treatment.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Sun Jan 04, 2015 8:03 am UTC

NovaNatalia wrote:I feel so terrible and monopolise so much attention when there are people that have it worse than me who need it more


It is my observation that there is far more than enough attention to go around. Better to ask for the attention you need and let others worry about the attention they need, and let the people giving the attention prioritize as they wish. After all, it's their choice.
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sun Jan 04, 2015 10:06 am UTC

*feels an urge to give Aaeriele a big hug for being so lovely and fantastic*
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NovaNatalia
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Sat Jan 10, 2015 5:18 am UTC

Thank you all for your support. *Gives hugs to everyone*
TW: Violence (Psychological)
I'm sorry I didn't post a follow-up sooner, but things went downhill very fast after that, and I'm still reeling after the loss of the better part of my support network — five people I loved, and who I thought loved me, turned their back on me, and were probably lying to me for months and deliberately manipulating me. And it worked: I was so emotionally involved with them, and their troubles are what caused most of the 'downhill'. I feel like such an idiot for falling for it, but I've run out of tears to shed.
And the thing is, I still want them back — regardless of whether or not they were real to begin with, I still just lost five very close friends, people I loved and shared everything with. Hell, one of them was even helping me through my eating disorder. Not any more, though, they're just ... gone.
I am the way into the doleful city. I am the way into eternal grief. I am the way to a forsaken race ... You who enter here, abandon all hope.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Sat Jan 10, 2015 7:06 am UTC

@NovaNatalia

I know it's hard when that sort of thing happens, but please try to not let it upset you too much - people who do that sort of shit just aren't worth it. Don't forget your dreams. :more hugs:

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Sat Jan 10, 2015 7:37 am UTC

My friends urge me to do something I enjoy to occupy my time and try to recover, but the problem is that there isn't anything — my depression destroyed all my enjoyment in basically everything I do, and any friends I could be with for solace are a thousand kilometres away. I don't want to sound hopeless, but ... I am. I can't motivate myself to do anything beyond get up and go to work. I know it's a personal weakness, and the only thing stopping me is a nebulous resistance located only in my mind, but I'm finding it impossible to overcome.
I am the way into the doleful city. I am the way into eternal grief. I am the way to a forsaken race ... You who enter here, abandon all hope.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Quercus » Sat Jan 10, 2015 10:24 am UTC

I know how you feel. That particular feeling is called anhedonia, and it sucks, hard. Try not to see yourself as weak though because you're absolutely not. It takes great strength and courage to "get up and go to work" when you're feeling this way (you're probably thinking "Quercus is just saying that to try to make me feel better" right about now - I'm really not, it is truly what I believe).

Try to take good care of yourself, even if you don't want to. It helps, even if it doesn't feel like it does.

*big hugs*

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sat Jan 10, 2015 3:13 pm UTC

NovaNatalia wrote:Thank you all for your support. *Gives hugs to everyone*
TW: Violence (Psychological)
I'm sorry I didn't post a follow-up sooner, but things went downhill very fast after that, and I'm still reeling after the loss of the better part of my support network — five people I loved, and who I thought loved me, turned their back on me, and were probably lying to me for months and deliberately manipulating me. And it worked: I was so emotionally involved with them, and their troubles are what caused most of the 'downhill'. I feel like such an idiot for falling for it, but I've run out of tears to shed.
And the thing is, I still want them back — regardless of whether or not they were real to begin with, I still just lost five very close friends, people I loved and shared everything with. Hell, one of them was even helping me through my eating disorder. Not any more, though, they're just ... gone.

That's so mean of them :( *hugs very long*
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NovaNatalia
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Sat Jan 10, 2015 9:09 pm UTC

Thank you <3 Besides the anhedonia (thanks for that word, I'd never heard of it before), the thing that I'm finding hardest is my possible eating disorder. My former friends were fairly convinced that I had one, although I no longer trust their opinion, but my psychologist agreed with them at least somewhat, so I can't just dismiss it out of hand. I hope it's okay to talk about here (so TW: Possible Eating Disorder):
Spoiler:
Okay, so I got down to eating a single meal a day, and was getting under 1 MJ of energy. I only eat when hungry, though, and that's the amount I eat because in general I'm not hungry. However, my psychologist strongly suggested that I increase this to two meals a day and increase the energy intake by at least a factor of five. The first day I tried to put this into practise was when I found out my friends were manipulating me, and I ended up binging until I threw up. Since then I've been fighting the urge to binge, which I knew would come if I started eating more. On the whole I hate being fat, and I was a lot happier on the smaller amount of food, but I don't want to disobey the psychologist, nor do I want to have to lie to her.

Things are very confusing and emotionally turbulent for me right now. I feel adrift — all I ever wanted was to be the good daughter, but my parents won't see my like that and I can barely keep my responsibilities in check. I used to be such a stable person, too, so sure of her duty and calm enough to complete it. Now ... well, I definitely need help.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sun Jan 11, 2015 11:54 am UTC

*hugs Natalia*

Comments re eating disorder
Spoiler:
Love, you have a very serious eating disorder. Even multiplying the joule (or calories) by five (getting to 5 MJ or 1190 kilocalories) is not enough. E.g. a woman of 170 cm (67 inches) height, weighing 50 kg (110 lbs) (which is seriously underweight) requires approximately 1347 kcal (5.6 MJoule) a day for just lying there and breathing and not moving a finger. If you weigh more than that, you require more calories for just breathing and pumping blood etc.

Not being hungry is not an indicator anymore. Already after three days of not eating hunger diminishes and can go away completely. You may, however, experience serious headaches as a sign of starvation.

How many meals you eat is up to you, few bigger ones or many smaller ones, whatever is more comfortable. Probably you would like 5 small meals better, so that you are not binging and won't throw up. You can also try "inverting" the advice that is given to people who need/want to lose weight. So start drinking lots of sugary beverages like coke and juices, snack whenever you feel like snacking, pour extra oil / use extra butter for cooking, eat cookies and cake and white bread, put extra cream on everything that is somewhat compatible with it (cream can even be put into/onto coke), eat fast food and preprocessed foods you like, get the high-fat cheese if you like cheese, fry everything that is fryable and tastes good for you and so on.

Not to obey the psychologist but because we love you and we don't want you to die *hugs*.

Normally I would recommend looking for a clinic to get stationary treatment, but considering that many psychological and psychiatric treatment places are total shit to trans people I'm not sure it would be good advice or it could make things even worse for you.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Tue Jan 13, 2015 3:32 pm UTC

Guys guys guys! Look what we got at work today!
Image
A trans woman and a non-binary colleague organized this together, aligned with the employees with disabilities council and got permission & support by HR. We relabeled two bathrooms + one combined bathroom/changing room in the sports area.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Tue Jan 13, 2015 6:50 pm UTC

:shifts awkwardly: I guess that's okay, as long as binary trans people are free to use the men's or women's restroom? It... makes me a little uneasy, sorry.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Wed Jan 14, 2015 9:36 am UTC

That looks nice, Monika! It's great that non-binary people have a space where they can be comfortable =D Although that said, that looks like the trans symbol (although I can't really tell from this angle; please correct me if I'm wrong!): are they barred from the men's/women's toilets, or is this just an additional space that can be used if they feel more comfortable?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Wed Jan 14, 2015 1:48 pm UTC

Just additional space, binary trans people get to use binary bathrooms (my work place has a gender transition policy that prescribes that binary trans people get to use the appropriately gendered bathrooms from the day that they make their transitioning known at work ... together with getting new business cards with the new name and mandatory support by the manager). Sadly there's no (or no widely-known) non-binary oder gender-neutral symbol. I personally would also not have suggested putting the trans symbol on them for the reason you two mention (instead e.g. write a text "gender-neutral bathroom"), but the two trans people involved, one binary and one non-binary, loved it. So I didn't say anything against it. They say they like the statement and visibility.
I also suggested to make one of the non-single-stall bathrooms genderneutral, in a place where the next set of binary bathrooms is just a few steps away, so nobody can seriously complain and there cannot be a negative impact from reducing the number of ladies' bathrooms in a tech company.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Wed Jan 14, 2015 2:47 pm UTC

Monika wrote:but the two trans people involved, one binary and one non-binary, loved it. So I didn't say anything against it. They say they like the statement and visibility.

Fair enough, I think that's what counts. :) While I might initially have been a little uncomfy with it, I can't imagine feeling unsafe with those people in a place like that.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Wed Jan 14, 2015 8:09 pm UTC

Edit: Below is a happy story, not my usual litany of woe! :D

That's very awesome then Monika ^_^

As for awesome news, I have some myself, and it'll be told chronologically because I like narrative style! On Monday I went back to work, and was feeling really ... bleh. Couldn't concentrate, read a grand total of three pages in the eight hours I was there. But when my PhD supervisor asked what's wrong (I had not the most optimistic demeanour) I told him, and he responded by giving me Tuesday off and chastising me for coming in when I wasn't feeling up to it.

So I head home, and when I get home I get a phone call from reception at my apartment complex, asking me to come down to reception tomorrow (Tuesday) morning at nine o'clock. They were constantly repeating that I wasn't in trouble (which made me nervous), and suggested we could get coffee (which made me very nervous — previously all contact had been strictly formal). However, since I had the day off I agreed, and proceeded to get about three hours of sleep, narrowly dodging a panic attack after a fleeting hallucination.

Anyway, come nine o'clock I go down to reception and I go have coffee with one of the ... receptors? I have no idea what the word is for 'someone who works in reception'. Receptionist! That was silly of me: I swear I'm a native speaker. Anyway, it turns out they wanted to see me because my new flatmate had been complaining and demanded to have a different room, and was told that he'd have to break his lease, he's not going to get a free move. He did so, and I'll be getting a new flatmate — I'd met him once and was polite, cordial and even friendly the entire time, so I didn't give a Tinker's cuss for him or his opinion of me.

Anyway! The receptionist had figured out that I was trans (not that I was hiding it: the boobs, women's clothes and the e-mails ID'd from 'Natasha' were probably enough clues), and was insistent that I would get to meet my new flatmates beforehand to make sure we get along, and that as per my preference I'd get women flatmates! So it was a very happy ending, especially given how anxious I was.

Yesterday (Wednesday) I was still having difficulty concentrating, and so went for a walk by the lake: sooooo many turtles! It was fantastic watching them all. Still couldn't concentrate, but turtles! The only little bit of a dark cloud was that I came out to a close friend (this one from real life) about the potential eating disorder, and they were very, very not happy with me. But in the end they were supportive! Even if they compared me hurting at unable to be a 'real' woman (I know, internalised transphobia) to them not being able to be James Bond >.>

And today, I have a meeting with a legal professional concerning legal change of name, and re: potential eating disorder, I ate this morning ^_^ And next week I have my psychologist and psychiatrist, and should be able to get my official name changed with my University (unrelated to my legal name change, they only need a doctor's note after being yelled at for refusing me last time).

The only downside is that I'll have to tell my parents at some point and I do not expect them to be supportive at all. But on the other hand, for today I made a salad of mesclun lettuce leaves, alfalfa sprouts, mung bean sprouts, with some Basmati rice & peas cooked in brown mustard seed and some thin slices of marinated kangaroo (it's a small serving size, not a massive meal ... I'm not switching from barely eating to binge/purging).
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Wed Jan 14, 2015 10:46 pm UTC

That's all great news, NovaNatalia, I really hope you get along well with your new flatmates. Happy things seem to be getting better. :)

I have a picture of myself that I don't hate, even though the lighting is really awful and I totally should be banned from using a webcam! :mrgreen: Mostly liking it because it's probably the first picture of me where I'm actually smiling.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Thu Jan 15, 2015 12:03 am UTC

Nice!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Thu Jan 15, 2015 9:40 pm UTC

Turtles \o/Nice things happening \o/

Wonderbolt, I expected your hair to be rainbow-colored :D

Is anyone from Melbourne and would like to meet? I'm going to be there next month.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Thu Jan 15, 2015 9:52 pm UTC

Oh no, I just moved from Melbourne a few months ago. Brilliant timing as always, Tash =P
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Fri Jan 16, 2015 6:54 am UTC

Australia is just too huge, that's the actual problem.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Fri Jan 16, 2015 9:42 am UTC

Have fun in my home city =D Don't ask me about touristy things, because I don't do them, but the [ur=http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/books/melbourne-comic-book-store-voted-worlds-best-20140728-zxr56.html]best comic book shop in the world[/url] is in Melbourne (according to the Eisner awards)! And there're soooooo many cafés and restaurants in the laneways ... I hope you enjoy yourself! As an aside, we're only 1.3 orders of magnitude larger than Germany, it's not that many!

Also, after much discussion with my friends, psych, and no small contribution on your part Monika, I've accepted that I do have an eating disorder.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Fri Jan 16, 2015 1:41 pm UTC

Monika wrote:Wonderbolt, I expected your hair to be rainbow-colored :D

Haha, I've actually been thinking of dyeing it either purple or bright red. The problem is that I'm kind of trying to blend in, and brightly-coloured hair might not be conducive to that goal at this point. :p

Also I'm trying to come up with a meatspace-name I actually want to keep using. Have some decent ideas of what I want to do when it comes to first name, but last name is just... a royal pain. Most of them are just kind of 'meh' (heck, the idea of a last name is somewhat meh in itself), but I want to do this right and not want to change it a few months later.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby rath358 » Fri Jan 16, 2015 1:56 pm UTC

Names are hard. I found a name I sort of like, but it is a different spelling of a childhood friend who I sort of keep in touch with and don't know how to bring it up/avoid weirdness. I guess I am really lucky in that my middle name isn't really gendered and I have a supportive family so I don't need to think about changing those. Sorry I can't come up with any tips in that regard.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Fri Jan 16, 2015 1:58 pm UTC

rath358 wrote:Names are hard. I found a name I sort of like, but it is a different spelling of a childhood friend who I sort of keep in touch with and don't know how to bring it up/avoid weirdness. I guess I am really lucky in that my middle name isn't really gendered and I have a supportive family so I don't need to think about changing those. Sorry I can't come up with any tips in that regard.

Yeah, that's one of the problems, too. :/ I had something I sort-of wanted, but that was while still planning to stay in the NL where I can't really change my last name and having a Dutch-sounding name is a legal requirement. Since I'm planning to (hopefully x_x) move to the UK, I suddenly have *options* I've thought about for a long time but thought would never happen.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Fri Jan 16, 2015 9:59 pm UTC

NovaNatalia wrote:Have fun in my home city =D Don't ask me about touristy things, because I don't do them, but the best comic book shop in the world is in Melbourne (according to the Eisner awards)! And there're soooooo many cafés and restaurants in the laneways ... I hope you enjoy yourself!

Thanks :)

As an aside, we're only 1.3 orders of magnitude larger than Germany, it's not that many!

Only more than 10 times larger, right, such a minor difference of size ^^

Also, after much discussion with my friends, psych, and no small contribution on your part Monika, I've accepted that I do have an eating disorder.

That is good *hugs* . I hope you will recover.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Sat Jan 17, 2015 5:08 am UTC

So, it turns out in eighteen months of HRT my endocrinologist has managed to triple my testosterone levels.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sat Jan 17, 2015 10:45 am UTC

:shock: How can that happen? They gave you an anti-androgen and estrogen, didn't they?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Sat Jan 17, 2015 12:34 pm UTC

I have no idea, but he only gave me oestrogen and refused to give me anti-androgens until last month :( So for most of the past 18 months I've been having no progress. Or negative progress.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Sat Jan 17, 2015 1:30 pm UTC

NovaNatalia wrote:I have no idea, but he only gave me oestrogen and refused to give me anti-androgens until last month :( So for most of the past 18 months I've been having no progress. Or negative progress.

What anti-androgen are you on? If you're only on something like finasteride (Proscar) or dutasteride (Avodart), those only inhibit the 5-alpha reductase enzymes that convert T into DHT. This is good for stopping hair loss and whatnot, but means that total T tends to increase if you're not on another anti-androgen (or a shitload of E). If this is the case, there's a good chance your T only increased when you went on that anti-androgen.

Also, you may want to consider a different endo. :/ In 18 months this is the first time he did a blood test? If so, bad endo. (She says, having not done a single blood test since she's been DIYing 'mones.) Also, prescribing E but no AA is baaaaaaaaad. :(


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