Sungura wrote:Bi erasure...not heard that term. I take it to mean kinda the exclusion because of not having a hard set of preference? For example: my mom knows I am bi, but when I told her my SO is male, all of a sudden "i'm not bi anymore".
Yeh, that's one of the most common forms of bi erasure, but it can go up to the level of denying bisexuality exists at all
Yeah. There are people who say for example that bisexuals are gay people in denial, or straight people with some fetish or kink (or just doing it for the attention, etc), things like that.
When I mentioned it earlier I did mean more like what Sungura is saying, though; but really, the "bi the way
" trope is more what I meant. Basically everybody in person usually just assumes I'm straight, not because I'm closeted at all but just because I don't generally talk about my sex life much. The only people who realize I'm bi(/pan) are sexual/romantic partners, close friends who've known me a long time, or people in the internet like you all who I talk about sexuality etc with.
That's helpful for me too - I've never really had strong feelings for my assigned sex and as a kid I didn't really realise that a "strong internal sense of maleness/femaleness" was a thing for lots of people. I acknowledged that it was when I learned about gender dysphoria and transgenderism, so it's nice to know that there's other people around who feel similarly to me.
While on the topic of bi(/pan)sexual erasure, I feel like I've encountered a lot of bi(/pan)gender erasure too, even (or especially) in LGBT communities, that relates to this thing about not realizing some non-trans people are more strongly attached to / self-identified with their birth sex than others like you're talking about. Some people have tried to insist that I am cis because I don't have gender dysphoria and don't mind
being the sex I am, which seems to erase the big difference between people like myself and lots of other men who seem like (or explicitly say that) they really really really absolutely do not under any circumstances ever ever ever jesus fuck no please no
want to be even the slightest bit more feminine (or less masculine) than they are now. When I was younger I too didn't really realize that that was the case (that some guys were like that), as the only guys I really talked much about sexuality with in my youth were ones who, at the very least, would be interested in experiencing what it was like to be a woman if there weren't huge hurdles involved; not that they were all really bi- or pangendered, but were at least a little curious and interested and not strongly averse to it. It never occurred to me back then that some people would have something like the reverse of gender dysphoria, an extremely strong aversion to being anything besides the sex they already are, and that seems as different from me as actual gender dysphoria does, so I don't like being lumped together with people like that like there's no difference.
And that kind of thinking (of my younger self, and people who still have that mentality) seems very similar to the kind of thinking which says if you're interested at all in someone of the same sex or
insufficiently interested in the opposite sex, you must be "gay", and otherwise you are straight, completely erasing a whole spectrum of neither-gay-nor-straight possibilities (pansexual, bisexual, asexual, etc). Except kind of inverted, now that I think about it, if gay:trans::straight:cis is the analogy, because the assumption there seems to be that if you're not going full out to transition to the opposite sex, you're just cis, maybe with some kind of kink or fetish or just doing it for the attention, etc.
That's a good analogy. I'm almost the same, but not quite. I'm happy living where I'm living in that city, and although I have no particular aversion to moving, I am not sufficiently motivated to to so given the hassle and expense of it. I really like the way the "other side" decorate their houses though, and would like to incorporate some of that into my house. I also wish that bloody wall would go away.
To be clear in my analogy, the wall is supposed to represent the hassle and expense of moving from one side of the city to the other, whether to move
move (pack up all your stuff and live there) or just walk-over-and-back-again move. And of course not all of that hassle and expense is social; some of it is, but much of the wall is built out of physical, technological, biological bricks. Maybe a wall isn't the best metaphor; a canyon or something might be better, a preexisting natural feature which limits movement between the two areas, that we've recently begun to build bridges across. There are other social problems like, as you say, people on one side of the gorge being expected to decorate their houses (and speak and dress and otherwise behave) a certain way, and people on the other side a different way, when really there's no good reason why anyone on either side couldn't behave either (or neither) way. But that's more of a feminist / gender-egalitarian analogy. The gorge is more about a gender identity analogy, though it's closely related of course. I'm someone from the north side of the gorge who likes a lot of things about both the way people south of the gorge do things and also just the physical geography down that way, though I don't mind so much either the culture or geography up here on the north side either; but I'm tired of people saying to live like a northerner or get out (across the expensive scary toll bridge over the gorge) and never come back if I really like the south so much, and
I'd really like them to just fill that gorge in completely some day both to dissolve all these north-south schisms but also because ideally I'd like to live right there where that gorge is right now, enjoy the things I like most about both climates, and have it seem normal and natural that I do things sometimes in a more northerly way and sometimes in a more southerly way.