I'd like to expand a bit on what I mentioned above, especially as it connects to the driving question of "do I even want to transition or not?"
There are several contexts in which I tend to see myself as a girl and would very much want to be(come?) one. However, these are mostly imagination/wishful thinking/daydream type things, yet persistent and present for a long while since reaching puberty.
But it also seems that when presented with the opportunity to take concrete steps in transitioning, I don't actually want to. Clothes shopping scares me the fuck away. Mannerisms and all that sound like too much work (and it seems...what's the point of all this? I'm not bothered enough to want to do that most of the time?). And as I mentioned, estrogen and AAs didn't really do much for me.
As a result, I've had a nagging worry that I'm merely a "transtrender" and am merely considering myself non-binary either out of misinterpreting what I'm feeling inside or as a result of being convinced to do so by the social justice community. This has gotten more acute recently as I've drifted away from the more extreme positions I used to take in high school, and then reading once again about the "truscum"/"tucute" drama.
Arguments in favor of me being trans are 1) that I do tend to have some level of physical dysphoria about certain gendered bodily features--I dreaded growing facial hair when it first started happening to me, and still aggressively try to shave it (though my skin is a bit damaged due to improper procedure.) and 2)that imagining myself as female does make me feel quite good when it happens, and that has been consistent, including instances before I even started considering that I was trans.
Arguments against are that 3)when it comes to dysphoria, I need to be reminded about it before I'm upset enough that it becomes a significant push factor in my presentation to the outside world. If I'm preoccupied with work or whatnot, I'm reasonably okay with being a "man", 4)as above, that I haven't done much concrete (aside from leg-shaving?) to address the things I tend to be concerned about, though that may be due to anxiety and fear of backlash/the new, and that 5)I may well be brushing aside moments when I'm unhappy about considering myself female(-like)/would rather be male in order to fit the narrative that I'm trans. I hated girls' toys when I was young, for instance, and my level of considering-myself-a-girliness tends to correlate a lot with my current level of being leftist, which implies that it may well be political.
In short, I don't think there are any easy answers to this question. The best path right now seems to get back to therapy/counseling (it's free where I'm currently at, thankfully), and use that in order to untangle the points above, before making a firm commitment on one course of action or another.
Free markets, free movement, free plops
Blitz on, my friends Quantized, GnomeAnne, and iskinner!