[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sungura » Tue Sep 27, 2016 6:36 pm UTC

e^iπ+1=0 wrote:http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-37383914

This 10 year old managed to articulate some of my own frustrations and such better than I've been able to. Like, I think if the world at large just accepted non-binary as a thing, I would probably identify that way and dress more femininely sometimes and go by "they" and all that jazz. But as is, it just feels like so much effort. Basically, I agree with all the stuff said at the end:

I still feel that "he" doesn't feel particularly right. I feel more right as "ze" or "they", but they draw attention to me and my gender when we're trying to have a conversation about trousers.

There isn't a body of the two genders. I just wish there was some way in the middle.

If they ask questions, I answer, but it doesn't have to be the centre of attention. It's not even the most interesting thing about me.

I really like the idea of having a beard. [...] but then again people would say: "Look at that MAN'S beard." I don't want people to associate me with one gender or another. But I know they will, I don't think there is any way of escaping that.


YES. I get this so much. I don't fully identify "Female" but I "look" as if, and with where I live, it would be hell to try and use any gender neutrality and "ranking" it i am about 70-75% okay with female-pronouns.

Also, I just learned that apparently bisexual doesn't necessarily mean only gender binaries, which is odd, as in my experience, that is the case. And apparently this was kinda a recent topic here too. I prefer pansexual as term for myself after learning about it (I used to use bi) because to me the very name of "Bi" seems to mean either-or, with no between, so linguistically this confuses me some as well as that in practice whenever I hear it - until now basically - it has been very binary.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Wed Sep 28, 2016 9:27 am UTC

Yeah, in the last 10 or so years bisexual/biromantic has been redefined to mean "attracted to 2 or more genders" or "attracted to my own and other genders" to include attraction to nonbinary people. There were very few bi people who were only attracted to men and women anyways (I only know one). But of course you can use pan. Nowadays the diff between bi and pan seems to be more along the lines of bi = attracted to 2+ genders, but possibly in different ways and pan = attracted regardless of gender, i.e. to all genders in the same way. I was worried at first if continuing to use bi discriminates against nb people, but by now I know a bunch of people are nb and use bi for themselves, so it doesn't seem as big of an issue anymore.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Quercus » Wed Sep 28, 2016 1:19 pm UTC

Monika wrote:Nowadays the diff between bi and pan seems to be more along the lines of bi = attracted to 2+ genders, but possibly in different ways and pan = attracted regardless of gender, i.e. to all genders in the same way. I was worried at first if continuing to use bi discriminates against nb people, but by now I know a bunch of people are nb and use bi for themselves, so it doesn't seem as big of an issue anymore.

I'm genderqueer and bi. Was also initially worried about using bi to describe myself for the same reason, but didn't want to use pan because how I feel attraction varies considerably depending on gender (difficult to describe, feels like the difference between e.g. "ahhh", "oooh" and "mmmm" - all pleasant, but different). There are also certain gender presentations (not so much identities) that cause me not to be attracted to a person at all - particularly very masculine presentations. Pansexual doesn't feel to me like it encompasses that very well.

I suppose I could describe myself as multisexual, but that's not a very well known term.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Pfhorrest » Wed Sep 28, 2016 4:59 pm UTC

To my ear it makes sense linguistically for "bi" to be inclusive of nonbinary; it just means you are attracted to both (of the binary) genders, but doesn't mean you're not also attracted to other (nonbinary) ones. "Pan" just makes that explicit. Bi people aren't necessarily pan, but all pan people are also bi, by that definition.

It seems kinda weird and almost... "cheating" in some way, conceptually... when people use "bi" to mean attracted to one of the binary genders and a nonbinary one. Like, I've seen ciswomen who say that they're attracted to cismen and transmen, and thus "bi"; to me, that just sounds pretty much like straight (and not transphobic), as you're a woman attracted only to men (whether or not they're trans).

A term I've heard more recently is "polysexual", which as I understand it is a superset of bisexual, meaning attracted to multiple genders, but not necessarily "both" (binary) genders. That sounds more apt to me for someone attracted to only one of the binary genders and some nonbinary ones.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sungura » Wed Sep 28, 2016 6:43 pm UTC

Interesting! I tend to be attracted to wide variety but it has to have a big mental connection, I've heard some people don't like sapiosexual or demisexual terms but I don't have a better way to describe it. and it is unique on individual level, and *most* people I am not attracted to at all, used to consider myself ace but don't think it fits anymore. Terms. They be hard.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Wed Sep 28, 2016 7:19 pm UTC

Sungura wrote:Interesting! I tend to be attracted to wide variety but it has to have a big mental connection, I've heard some people don't like sapiosexual or demisexual terms but I don't have a better way to describe it. and it is unique on individual level, and *most* people I am not attracted to at all, used to consider myself ace but don't think it fits anymore. Terms. They be hard.

That sounds like demisexual, which is part of the asexual spectrum. But of course you can use whatever term you want.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby natraj » Wed Sep 28, 2016 8:00 pm UTC

Pfhorrest wrote:It seems kinda weird and almost... "cheating" in some way, conceptually... when people use "bi" to mean attracted to one of the binary genders and a nonbinary one. Like, I've seen ciswomen who say that they're attracted to cismen and transmen, and thus "bi"; to me, that just sounds pretty much like straight (and not transphobic), as you're a woman attracted only to men (whether or not they're trans).


this statement here is conflating two things.

someone who is attracted to cis and (binary) trans men is only attracted to men. someone who is attracted to multiple nonbinary genders is still perfectly well attracted to more than one gender.

i agree that people who say they are bi/pan when what they mean is "solely attracted to cis men and trans men" or "solely attracted to cis women and trans women" are doing a gross thing, but the gross thing they are doing is transphobic: invalidating trans people's gender by classing it as some different gender than Real Men or Real Women.

i strenuously disagree, though, that it is somehow "cheating" in the general case to use bi/pan if you "only" mean "attracted to one binary and also some nonbinary, (but not the "opposite" binary) genders". i think the attitude that this is cheating also comes from a place of transphobia (more specifically nb-phobia), where only binary genders are considered Properly Valid and nonbinary genders are considered Probably Some Wibbly Subset Of One Of Those Two, But Who Are You Kidding You Don't Have A Real Gender*

*i mean some enbies don't have a real gender but that's a separate question from respecting the validity of the distinctness of those who do.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby e^iπ+1=0 » Thu Sep 29, 2016 12:36 am UTC

Yeah, I'm not entirely sure how to feel about the bi vs pan thing. My gut reaction, if you will, is that bi clearly refers to the gender binary and doesn't include other genders. But then I've seen people talk about what Monika said, i.e. it "actually" meaning "attracted to my own and other genders" or some such. And some of the people I've seen saying this have been very queer/feminist/whatever and I'm certain that they're not (consciously) discriminatory against non-binary people. But it kind of feels like using the term that way is, in fact, discriminatory. Like, I think I'd prefer if people didn't use it that way? I dunno.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Thu Sep 29, 2016 12:58 pm UTC

I think the term "bi" has history to it, and that's the reason bisexuals are attached to it. I don't know if most self-described bisexuals and pansexuals experience attraction differently and to different people. But bisexuality as a label has often been erased, ignored, and ridiculed, and I understand if people want to stick to that definition as a political statement. Not to mention that in non-queer spaces, bisexual is still a lot more recognized than pansexual.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby apricity » Sun Oct 09, 2016 3:54 am UTC

Quercus wrote:
Monika wrote:Nowadays the diff between bi and pan seems to be more along the lines of bi = attracted to 2+ genders, but possibly in different ways and pan = attracted regardless of gender, i.e. to all genders in the same way. I was worried at first if continuing to use bi discriminates against nb people, but by now I know a bunch of people are nb and use bi for themselves, so it doesn't seem as big of an issue anymore.

I'm genderqueer and bi. Was also initially worried about using bi to describe myself for the same reason, but didn't want to use pan because how I feel attraction varies considerably depending on gender (difficult to describe, feels like the difference between e.g. "ahhh", "oooh" and "mmmm" - all pleasant, but different). There are also certain gender presentations (not so much identities) that cause me not to be attracted to a person at all - particularly very masculine presentations. Pansexual doesn't feel to me like it encompasses that very well.

I feel the exact same way. My attraction varies by gender and there are certain gender presentations that I'm not into (I think my attraction hovers in the in-between, as I'm not usually into very feminine or very masculine people of any gender identity). I also feel that bi is the right term for me and I usually explain it as being attracted to people of my gender ("ahhh") and people not of my gender ("oooh"). The "ahhh" comes from the extra thrill of having a shared identity/experience, I think - I haven't met enough nonbinary people that I'm attracted to to know for sure if there are more feelings like "mmmm" but so far I've felt "oooh" about them and definitely not "ahhh".

I don't like the term pansexual for myself because I feel like it ignores gender altogether and gender is really important in my mind. To say I'm pan is not only inaccurate but feels like it invalidates the gender identity of the person I'm with. I do also like the history and the community that comes with bisexual that isn't so prevalent for pansexual, but that's not the reason I go with it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon Oct 17, 2016 10:21 am UTC

It got too hard to keep track who of my friends knows I'm bi/non-straight and who doesn't so I used the coming out day last week to post on Facebook that I'm bi. It went well, 18 likes, including by the mother of one of my husband's daycare kids (that's the only material risk, homophobic parents not sending their kids here anymore).

I'm not really amused with one of the replies along the lines of "doesn't matter, I don't care as long as $husband is okay with it", like if it didn't matter I wouldn't post it and what if my husband was not okay with it, then they wouldn't support it? But whatever.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby AngrySquirrel » Mon Oct 17, 2016 11:01 am UTC

I'm not officially "out", cause I wouldn't know what to be "out" as.

Like, most of the people I hang around with knows I'm not 100% straight, I don't actively try to make that a secret, so I guess in that matter I'm kind of open about it. I just don't know what words I'm supposed to be using for what I am.

I'm attracted to some people, and I'm not attracted to some people, and for the vast majority of people I'm pretty "meh". But, so far I haven't really found a common denominator for the people I'm attracted to. I like feminine men, and masculine women, but sometimes I also like feminine women, and masculine men, and mostly I'm attracted to people other people find come on to strong, or are hard to talk to cause they're too shy. I like people who are self-confident, but sometimes I just want to gobble up that insecure woman in the corner and be her platform of security. Just as long as she doesn't actually rely on me.

And it's all difficult, cause in the end I'm not attracted to peoples gender identity. Gender is a part of a person, but it's not all they are? Is that okay to think?

As to my own gender identity, it's...complicated. I don't identify with being a woman, but I sure as hell don't identify with being a man. I do share experiences with women, and it's a whole lot easier to pass as a woman and not deal with all the misunderstandings. But it's a box I don't fit in. When people clearly identify me as "she" it feels like some parts of my brain are itching. It feels wrong. And when I write "woman" on forms that require my identity I feel like I'm lying. Like I'm playing some elaborate charade that might fall apart at any moment and when it falls apart I'll be exposed as...what exactly? I don't know.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon Oct 17, 2016 1:55 pm UTC

Your orientation sounds like it might be pansexual or panromantic? And your gender identity like demiwoman/female of center? But you don't have to label yourself if you don't want to. Maybe generic terms like just saying queer and non-binary work for you?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby thunk » Mon Oct 24, 2016 3:13 am UTC

My sexuality is a right mess, and given it's been purely theoretical in recent yips, I don't really bother with labels. If they work for you, great. If not, that's also perfectly fine.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby flicky1991 » Fri Nov 04, 2016 9:44 pm UTC

So... I guess I'm bisexual. Feels weird to admit it to myself, but now I've come out I feel so much better about it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby thunk » Fri Nov 04, 2016 11:08 pm UTC

Glad you do feel much better.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Dr34m(4+(h3r » Sat Nov 05, 2016 9:38 pm UTC

I'm homeless and have money but nobody will rent to me because I'm transgender and mentally ill. I've been looking for a place to live for almost a month now.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Quercus » Sun Nov 06, 2016 9:44 am UTC

Oh, that really sucks. Lots of *hugs* if you want them. If you ever want someone to talk to feel free to PM me - I'm genderqueer and have a diagnosed anxiety disorder, so solidarity.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Dr34m(4+(h3r » Mon Nov 07, 2016 8:05 pm UTC

I would like a place to live

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Dr34m(4+(h3r » Sat Nov 12, 2016 10:51 pm UTC

I'm leaving the country.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ivnja » Fri Nov 18, 2016 5:47 am UTC

Hi all. I guess I belong here now. After over three years of agonizing over things (and with the greatly appreciated advice of several forumites who post regularly in this thread, though they may not realize it because I was posting under a different username (although it'd probably also not be particularly difficult to figure it out)), I finally began seeing a gender therapist at the beginning of this summer. And...if all goes well with genetic material banking tomorrow (as in, it only requires the one, or possibly two trips down to Cambridge to the clinic), I'll be starting hormones sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Impeccable timing, right? Just in time for all of us in the States to see how hard the Republican party wants to push their social agenda. But despite that concern, and some general anxiety about pushing into the unknown, I feel like I'm ready to move forward. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead! Or half speed. I think Farragut was a little nuts, even if he did win the battle.

It also does feel a little odd to come out to a forum on which I'm not 100% anonymous before doing the same in real life (the people that need to know now do, but I'm going to wait until I'm farther along for a general coming out), but as far as I know there's only one active poster on here that I know in person, and I don't think he probably reads this thread. [That said, though, just in case...Hey Glenn! Surprise! So far, Sam knows, as does Katie, although Nate doesn't unless she's shared.]

So anyway, that's me. I'm happy this little club is here.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Fri Nov 18, 2016 1:43 pm UTC

Congrats on your realizations! Welcome!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Sat Nov 19, 2016 12:19 am UTC

Welcome to the alphabet side of life! It's colourful here.

And everywhere else, of course. But still.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ivnja » Sun Nov 20, 2016 6:18 pm UTC

Thank you :D

The cryogenic clinic managed to make 8 vials ( = 8 fertilization attempts) out of my deposit, which should be enough to safely make one mini-me. So now the question is whether to go down again before starting on HRT. I'll be giving the NP at the family planning clinic doing the hormones a call tomorrow to see what others that have gone through their practice have typically done. Anyone in here who's been through this have any thoughts? I'm not sure that I necessarily even want kids, but given that I've now already put over $1000 into this (initial deposit costs plus first year storage cost), and the storage cost is a flat fee and not dependent on the number of vials, it's probably worth the ~$250 (and the Cambridge traffic, which is dumb...although this time at least I'll know that I can in fact take the Tobin bridge across the river without a FastPass thingy, even though the signs all say "no cash") for a second deposit, just to be safe.

I also saw my dad's new house, met my dad's new* wife, and came out to my sister this weekend, so it's been a pretty busy few days.

* For a fairly loose usage of "new" - it's been more than a few years at this point. Because of circumstances surrounding the whole thing, I'd spent most of the last almost-decade quite disinterested in ever meeting her. She was pleasant, though.

Edit to add an unrelated question: is there a reason why this thread wouldn't be showing up in my egosearch?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Deva » Sun Nov 20, 2016 6:31 pm UTC

ivnja wrote:Edit to add an unrelated question: is there a reason why this thread wouldn't be showing up in my egosearch?

Stems from the forum migration. Updates search results (including egosearch) slower. Appears eventually.

Edit notes: 1. Lights up with new posts immediately, however. Do not worry about that.
2. Temporarily locks threads to their page on egosearch. Keeps updated threads on page two of egosearch on that page. Corrects itself eventually.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon Nov 21, 2016 11:41 am UTC

Welcome here, ivnja!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ivnja » Tue Dec 27, 2016 9:39 am UTC

I started hormones (estradiol valerate) last Wednesday. The solstice seemed like a particularly appropriate time. So that's a yay. The weekly stabbing myself in the stomach part is somewhat less yay, but it's supposed to be the most effective way, so I can deal. The slightly concerning and much less yay part is the hamstring cramping that started a day or two later. That may be a side effect from the spiro (currently 1x50mg pill per day, increasing to 2x50mg pill per day this coming Wednesday), but I drink a couple liters of water a day so I don't think it's dehydration due to the diuretic effects (I'm also not really seeing that much of an increase in frequency of urination), and it's not an effect you'd expect to see from the potassium-sparing aspect of it - spiro generally would cause K levels to be too high, while muscle cramping occurs when K levels are too low. I also haven't deliberately changed my potassium intake - I've never been a banana a day person, more like maybe one a week, and since that's the only thing I've purposely avoided so far, this hasn't been an unusual diet week for me. So now that the holiday stuff is all over, I'll put a call in to my NP tomorrow to see what she thinks about all that.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Carlington » Tue Dec 27, 2016 12:00 pm UTC

Small rant about queer spaces below spoiler (spoilered because references to abuse/manipulation):

Spoiler:
So like, queer spaces are kinda insular by nature, right, and everyone tends to know everyone. This is often a really good feature, it can make socialising way easier when you can meet a new person and say "Oh okay, we have mutual friends X, Y, Z" and immediately have an idea of what things you'll have in common based off of that.
Sometimes, though, it really sucks. Especially when, for example, you know people who have been abusive and otherwise terrible to you and those you care about, and you know that those people now walk in the same circles as you and have complete acceptance among queer communities to the point that people would not believe you and/or take their side if you raised the things they've done in the past to explain why you don't feel safe around them. I mean, I think it's sufficiently obvious I'm referring to a specific person at this point. And I mean, sure, she's a better person now by all accounts. She's also committed emotionally and sexually abusive acts, which makes it just super hard to trust her because abusers and manipulators are always great people unless you're the one being abused or manipulated. So I think it's totally valid to feel unsafe and not want to exist in the same spaces, but that means needing to try and sneakily vet any new friends you make in certain spaces to try and make sure they won't bring you into contact with people you don't want to hear of again.

I got rambly, but does anyone here feel?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Tue Dec 27, 2016 2:14 pm UTC

Good luck ivnja, I hope the treatment gets better soon. Good thing you have an NP to consult with.

Carlington:
Spoiler:
I've had similar experiences. When I used to move around queer spaces in Israel there was a bit of that for me. Not with regards to abuse, luckily for me, but just "I have this impression of this person, and everyone else seems to have a totally different one". It can be frustrating. I don't know how many degrees of separation you "should" have between yourself and an abusive person, but it's good you're conscious of it.


Unrelated sad, spoilered for self-harm.
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Someone who I didn't know very well committed suicide a few days ago in Israel. She was a trans activist in Israel, and I ran into her a few times, mostly when she still identified as a man but also at later times. A lot of my friends knew her and are (rightfully of course) sad.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Fri Dec 30, 2016 2:44 pm UTC

@ivnja: Yay for hormones! Hopefully the doc will fix the cramping somehow.

@Carlington: That sucks a lot :(

@Zohar: My condolences :(
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby liberonscien » Mon Feb 06, 2017 8:50 am UTC

I'm asexual, I think. I'm not sure. I've never had a chance to verify it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Mon Feb 06, 2017 1:56 pm UTC

liberonscien wrote:I'm asexual, I think. I'm not sure. I've never had a chance to verify it.

You're welcome to seek out sex and see how it makes you feel, but you really don't have to in order to verify it. Like, I knew I was gay about a decade before I had sex with anyone.

I'm not saying you should feel 100% even without experience, I'm saying you might feel certain of it even without it.

Also, asexuality is part of the wider spectrum of human sexuality, and is not a binary position - there's different degrees of it, and it also doesn't contradict having romantic feelings. It's a pretty wide definition, and you shouldn't feel like you need to fit a specific criteria to call yourself "asexual".

If you're interested, there are plenty of online resources you could use to learn more, some probably also linked in this thread.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Liri » Mon Feb 06, 2017 2:02 pm UTC

This is a cheesy comparison, but it's like what you eat. Let's say you want to call yourself vegetarian, but you can't say no to some fine gyros - the vegetarian police aren't gonna come knocking on your door. If you're down with a label, feel free to use one, but don't think you're chained to it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby liberonscien » Mon Feb 06, 2017 2:10 pm UTC

Zohar wrote:
liberonscien wrote:I'm asexual, I think. I'm not sure. I've never had a chance to verify it.

You're welcome to seek out sex and see how it makes you feel, but you really don't have to in order to verify it. Like, I knew I was gay about a decade before I had sex with anyone.

I'm not saying you should feel 100% even without experience, I'm saying you might feel certain of it even without it.

Also, asexuality is part of the wider spectrum of human sexuality, and is not a binary position - there's different degrees of it, and it also doesn't contradict having romantic feelings. It's a pretty wide definition, and you shouldn't feel like you need to fit a specific criteria to call yourself "asexual".

If you're interested, there are plenty of online resources you could use to learn more, some probably also linked in this thread.

I know. Not having romantic feelings makes one aromantic, not asexual.
I don't know why, but I sometimes feel like some of this stuff is Tumblresque nonsense.
Liri wrote:This is a cheesy comparison, but it's like what you eat. Let's say you want to call yourself vegetarian, but you can't say no to some fine gyros - the vegetarian police aren't gonna come knocking on your door. If you're down with a label, feel free to use one, but don't think you're chained to it.

I suppose that is accurate.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Liri » Mon Feb 06, 2017 2:12 pm UTC

Hey, see that [Safespace] tag? Yeah. I'm gonna echo what F_T said to you in the likewise-safe women's thread.

Edit: wrt to the "nonsense"
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Mon Feb 06, 2017 4:06 pm UTC

I'm asexual and occasionally post about it (here and other places). AVEN is a decent resource (www.asexuality.org). They have a "Meetup Mart" where folks from different cities post about where the group is going for coffee or whatnot.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby liberonscien » Mon Feb 06, 2017 5:15 pm UTC

Liri wrote:Hey, see that [Safespace] tag? Yeah. I'm gonna echo what F_T said to you in the likewise-safe women's thread.

Edit: wrt to the "nonsense"

Spoiler:
Oh, I've apparently not been clear. I'm wondering if I'm understanding this stuff correctly or if I'm getting bad information from Tumblr. I mean, I hear about stuff like sapiosexual on Tumblr and I am not sure if stuff like that is a real thing or Tumblr nonsense like "frost gender" and "otherkin". I've heard of sapiosexual before but whenever I look it up I get Tumblr stuff. I'm pretty sure frost gender isn't a real thing. I'm almost absolutely certain otherkin isn't a real thing either.

poxic wrote:I'm asexual and occasionally post about it (here and other places). AVEN is a decent resource (http://www.asexuality.org). They have a "Meetup Mart" where folks from different cities post about where the group is going for coffee or whatnot.

Spoiler:
Oh, an actual website that doesn't have a reputation for being extremely strange like Tumblr.
Alright, something real.

More clarification: I have nothing but support for the LGBTIQQA community and I'm just wondering if some of the stuff I hear about it is an actual part of it or not.

If I have inadvertently been unclear in the above post, let me know and I'll do my best to clarify.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Mon Feb 06, 2017 5:35 pm UTC

Gender can be a strange issue. I'd describe myself as non-gendered, except that sometimes I do feel like a woman and occasionally like a man. And sometimes I can't even gender because what is that.

There is correlation between asexuality, a-gender, and autism spectrum. I don't know whether there is any science that tells us why (yet).
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby doogly » Mon Feb 06, 2017 5:54 pm UTC

I don't think it is fruitful to inquire whether something you see on tumblr is "real." The relevant issue is whether someone is sincere. If they are sincere, there's really no validating for you to do.

(To clarify: I don't mean that if someone is sincere, it doesn't matter if what they're talking about is "real." I mean that "real" is not a useful concept and you should use "sincere" instead.)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby liberonscien » Mon Feb 06, 2017 6:01 pm UTC

poxic wrote:Gender can be a strange issue. I'd describe myself as non-gendered, except that sometimes I do feel like a woman and occasionally like a man. And sometimes I can't even gender because what is that.

There is correlation between asexuality, a-gender, and autism spectrum. I don't know whether there is any science that tells us why (yet).

Interesting. I have Asperger's syndrome and ADD.
I am pretty sure I'm agender. My definition of agender is not thinking of one's self as anything. I think of myself as a person. I use "male" pronouns because I was designated male at birth, I grew up using male pronouns and am somewhat resistant to change, even neutral change. I am fairly certain that if I had been raised using "female" pronouns I wouldn't be much different.
I think I'm asexual. I'm interested in intercourse, but I'm not interested in actually engaging in it.
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