[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Zohar
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Mon May 08, 2017 8:14 pm UTC

Pfhorrest wrote:Isn't the whole point of being tolerant and accepting of different orientations that people want to date or fuck whoever they want to date or fuck and we shouldn't be telling anyone that they should do or want anyone other than they want to do or want?

The details are important here. It's fine to say "I don't want to date people who don't share my values". You can criticize that, but it's not an offensive thing, in-and-of itself. It's another thing to say "I won't date black people" because that's pretty racist and ignores the huge variety of how people look and act. You could say "I'm not attracted to black people", which isn't as terrible, but still pretty bad.

You can't control who you're attracted to (at least usually), but translating that to sweeping generalizations or justifying it with sweeping generalizations is bad.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby flicky1991 » Mon May 08, 2017 8:36 pm UTC

Genitals seem a lot more acceptable to be something that affects whether you would sleep with someone than race. I am bi, but I wouldn't give anyone shit for only liking penises or vaginas any more than them being straight or gay.

That said, that person eSOANEM was talking about specifically clearly had a lot of actually transphobic beliefs on top of that, so I wouldn't want to defend him...
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby eSOANEM » Mon May 08, 2017 9:00 pm UTC

Like, labelling only wanting to fuck people with dicks as gay is cisnormative but the attraction is not inherently transphobic.

The point that was repeatedly made on the original post was that treating preferences as red lines is generally not good so should be meditated upon. And, when those preferences line up with existing axes of oppression, that should also be meditated upon and, if they come up in an existing relationship, should be discussed with the partner.

Anyway, this is a safespace thread in which I'm posting about transphobia in queer spaces so I really don't appreciate people coming in to drag me through the same emotional labour of explaining this again
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby flicky1991 » Mon May 08, 2017 9:01 pm UTC

Sorry, I did not mean to be argumentative.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ObsessoMom » Tue May 09, 2017 1:45 am UTC

I understand that nuanced explanations by the one seeking support are exactly what safe spaces are designed to avoid, but If it's any comfort, I found the explanation helpful, eSOANEM, and I'm sure others did as well. Appreciated.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Ginger » Tue May 09, 2017 10:22 am UTC

I don't have a problem dating trans* women or men. Even when they still have the parts that they don't want anymore. I value the existence of a gender binary only somewhat, as I try to conform to some norms for my gender presentation. Don't think I erase gay people though. It seems like a social justice attempt gone wrong.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Wed May 10, 2017 12:13 pm UTC

eSOANEM wrote:cn: transphobia within queer spaces and associated shit like bio essentialism etc; mentions of fgm

Spoiler:
A bunch of pages for my university appeared recently. First there was memebridge for memes, then crushbridge for people to do missed connections type stuff, then grudgebridge for people to anonymously rant about people, and then queerbridge which is crushbridge but queer.

Anyway, there was a post earlier along the lines of "I'm a lesbian and I was a bit taken aback when I found out my trans gf has a penis; how should I handle this". The first few responses were mostly good saying that yup, it can be difficult and that's understandable, but you should probably think a bit about why it bothers you and, more importantly, talk it through with your gf (in particular, if you're squicked out by penetration, that may not be relevant because a lot of trans women don't like that because it can be dysphoria inducing).

Then a shitlord showed up saying that everything was fine and dandy and under no circumstances is it wrong to refuse to date or fuck people of any group. He then submitted another post to the page saying as much and explicitly using race and genitals as examples.

This thread has then exploded into a complete shitshow. The original shitlord has repeatedly claimed that all this is just rampant homophobia and that we (the trans community) are trying to erase gay people out of existence and that my ID as genderqueer is irrelevant because fgm is a thing and was saying one of my friends (who is genderfluid) has never experienced homophobia in response to being told of a time they were beaten up by someone for making out with a dude outside a gay club. He also continually referred to all trans people as gender non-conforming even when it was explained to him why this was shitty.

And a few other cis gay men jumped in to defend him and it's just so tiring not even being safe from this bullshit in queer circles

Oh god, that sounds horrible :( "erase gay people out of existence" WTH, they need a reality check who inside the LGBTIQQA community is being a) erased out of existence b) (Trigger warning for violence/death) murdered out of existence - at least when we're talking about most countries in the Americas and Europe and not Chechnya that's not the LG part and there it's obviously not trans women who are responsible for cis gay and lesbians' misery.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Ginger » Thu May 18, 2017 11:30 am UTC

Went to my doctor a few days ago for blood work and a chat about further steps for making my estrogen work right. He doubled my current dosage so that's going to be something new to try. He as well talked about some kind of item that you spray little bits of estrogen foam or something onto your arm and then rub it into your skin... does anybody know what it is called?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Quercus » Thu May 18, 2017 11:42 am UTC

Ginger wrote:does anybody know what it is called?


A quick google indicates that it might be estrogel - gel rather than foam, but the same principle.

I'm glad your doctor had some ideas for alternatives for you to try.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Ginger » Thu May 18, 2017 11:48 am UTC

Thank you for your swiftness! I'm happy he had some alternatives as well. Checking out the link it does indeed sound like what he was suggesting. :)
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