[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Things that don't belong anywhere else. (Check first).

Moderators: Moderators General, Prelates, Magistrates

User avatar
PM 2Ring
Posts: 3707
Joined: Mon Jan 26, 2009 3:19 pm UTC
Location: Sydney, Australia

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Sat Mar 06, 2010 5:48 am UTC

Zohar wrote:These two books came out in 2009. What an enlightened world we live in.


Stereotypes in themselves aren't evil, it just depends on how seriously people take them. If males & females behaved the same, wore the same clothing & jewellery, etc, cross-dressing wouldn't be as much fun. To paraphrase RuPaul, we are all born naked, everything else is just playing dress-ups. :)

I don't have a problem with a society defining standards of male & female behaviour. What I object to is forcing people to choose one or the other, rather than allowing them to pick & choose the elements they identify with. This is closely related to the issue of labels. Labels are useful signposts to identify different parts of the complex "behaviour landscape". Labels become evil when they are attached to individuals and used to fence off the behaviour landscape into disconnected regions. When that happens, people are punished if they don't stay in the region that society assigns to them, and people who identify as "normal" feel entitled to punish those of us that are in the more exotic parts of the behaviour landscape.

User avatar
Zohar
COMMANDER PORN
Posts: 8515
Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2007 8:45 pm UTC
Location: Denver

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Sat Mar 06, 2010 8:18 am UTC

When society defines a standard that "it's free for people to choose or or the other" it doesn't really encourage diversity. Anyone who's not in the standard is at risk of being seen as different, strange and not normal. If society keeps telling boys they should be able to light a fire and girls that they should know how to put makeup, how will people know they can do whatever they want? I don't think it's fair to leave the option only to strong-willed people who are willing to go against the flow and suffer the consequences. Besides, if everyone is allowed to choose whatever parts they like best, why identify them with "boy" or "girl" at all?
Mighty Jalapeno: "See, Zohar agrees, and he's nice to people."
SecondTalon: "Still better looking than Jesus."

Not how I say my name

User avatar
Amie
Posts: 910
Joined: Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:34 am UTC
Location: in Somnia.

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Amie » Sat Mar 06, 2010 10:59 am UTC

Why are stereotypes alright? Most people can never think for themselves. To the majority, stereotypes are very serious. People get prejudiced because of stereotypes. I think labels look good on boxes and should be used only on them. Not people. But that's just me.
Summer is miles and miles away, and no one would ask me to stay.
And I, should contemplate this change... to ease the pain.
And I, should step out of the rain... turn away.

User avatar
PM 2Ring
Posts: 3707
Joined: Mon Jan 26, 2009 3:19 pm UTC
Location: Sydney, Australia

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Sat Mar 06, 2010 12:22 pm UTC

Amie wrote:Why are stereotypes alright? Most people can never think for themselves. To the majority, stereotypes are very serious. People get prejudiced because of stereotypes. I think labels look good on boxes and should be used only on them. Not people. But that's just me.

I hope I didn't suggest that stereotypes are alright. They are a mental tool, and like all tools can be dangerous when misused. And I agree that they often do get used badly, but they aren't going to go away. So people need to learn to understand them and how to work with them properly. As I said earlier, stereotypes are dangerous when they are taken too seriously, and seen as defining some sort of absolute truth, rather than being a crude approximation to a subtle reality.

IMHO, one powerful technique for breaking this attitude is humour, so I fully approve of poking fun at stereotypes. But you have to do it in a way that won't alienate your audience. It's very difficult to have a positive effect on people's attitudes & behaviours if they don't want to pay attention to what you have to say. :)

...

Labels don't work so well when they are stuck on people. But they can be useful to describe the territory that people are moving through. They simplify the process of creating maps of the complex behaviour landscape. Of course, problems arise when people start confusing the map with the territory.

User avatar
Amie
Posts: 910
Joined: Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:34 am UTC
Location: in Somnia.

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Amie » Sat Mar 06, 2010 12:51 pm UTC

PM 2Ring wrote:
Amie wrote:Why are stereotypes alright? Most people can never think for themselves. To the majority, stereotypes are very serious. People get prejudiced because of stereotypes. I think labels look good on boxes and should be used only on them. Not people. But that's just me.

I hope I didn't suggest that stereotypes are alright. They are a mental tool, and like all tools can be dangerous when misused. And I agree that they often do get used badly, but they aren't going to go away. So people need to learn to understand them and how to work with them properly. As I said earlier, stereotypes are dangerous when they are taken too seriously, and seen as defining some sort of absolute truth, rather than being a crude approximation to a subtle reality.

IMHO, one powerful technique for breaking this attitude is humour, so I fully approve of poking fun at stereotypes. But you have to do it in a way that won't alienate your audience. It's very difficult to have a positive effect on people's attitudes & behaviours if they don't want to pay attention to what you have to say. :)

...

Labels don't work so well when they are stuck on people. But they can be useful to describe the territory that people are moving through. They simplify the process of creating maps of the complex behaviour landscape. Of course, problems arise when people start confusing the map with the territory.

Ring, I am no saint. I poke fun at stereotypes myself and I agree fully with what you say about humour. My only point was that most people can't distinguish between what's correct and what's funny. In today's society, how many people do you see that actually use stereotypes as just bases for reference and not as a set rule? Stereotypes won't go away, true. But neither are people going to understand. I can't even begin to tell you how many conversations I have had with people who have called me a hundred names just because I was born in India. Even before talking to me, people decide that my English is horrid, that I like cricket (UGH!) and that I believe in a million gods. None of these are true.

Yes, there are many people here who will fall under the above definition of an Indian (which is why there is a stereotype in the first place) but the stereotype doesn't affect any of those people. It affects people like me. I'm OK with you if you're not prejudiced. Sadly most people who believe in stereotypes, are.

I apologize if I, in my haste and its consequent momentary lapse of rationality, assumed that your statements meant something you did not intend them to mean. :oops: I think we're both saying the same thing essentially.

Peace! *Waves a white flag*
Summer is miles and miles away, and no one would ask me to stay.
And I, should contemplate this change... to ease the pain.
And I, should step out of the rain... turn away.

User avatar
PM 2Ring
Posts: 3707
Joined: Mon Jan 26, 2009 3:19 pm UTC
Location: Sydney, Australia

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Sat Mar 06, 2010 1:13 pm UTC

Amie wrote:My only point was that most people can't distinguish between what's correct and what's funny. In today's society, how many people do you see that actually use stereotypes as just bases for reference and not as a set rule? Stereotypes won't go away, true. But neither are people going to understand.

[..]

I apologize if I, in my haste and its consequent momentary lapse of rationality, assumed that your statements meant something you did not intend them to mean. :oops: I think we're both saying the same thing essentially.

Peace! *Waves a white flag*

No apology required, Amie! I'm sure that we agree much more than we disagree, although we might express our thought & feelings in different ways.

I think all of us here have some experience of being discriminated against because of stereotype-based thinking. Some more than others. (I'm sure glad I don't live in Uganda!) My post was designed to encourage readers to look at stereotypes from a different angle, and maybe give them a more positive attitude to stereotypes.

User avatar
Esperite
Posts: 447
Joined: Tue Aug 18, 2009 1:35 am UTC
Location: The Internet

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Esperite » Sun Mar 07, 2010 6:59 pm UTC

Stereotypes, in my opinion, aren't the problem at all. It's perfectly fine to use the (use, not abuse), but they aren't a rule, they are a generalization. Sure, most boys would rather make a fire than put makeup on, and (some of you will disagree with my reasoning here =P) it is weird when that is changes around. What is bad is when weird changes from "out of the ordinary" to "wrong or negative." I have no problems seeing myself as weird for alot of the things I like/do, because that, to me, is not a bad thing. So when people make stereotypes, all they are doing is figuring out what to them is a general trait and what is not. Used correctly, they just allow some things to go smoother. However, once it becomes unacceptable or negative in any way to go against the stereotype, it has gone from being a description of the average to being a box. Generizations aren't the problem, it's really just when people suck and decide they don't want to accept anything different from what they expect. It's when people react to you based on a stereotype alone that it becomes a problem.
Sadly, because people tend to suck stereotypes usually tend to be a problem =(. (I hope this all makes sense.)
"A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it."
— Oscar Wilde

User avatar
Josephine
Posts: 2142
Joined: Wed Apr 08, 2009 5:53 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Josephine » Tue Mar 09, 2010 2:14 am UTC

Alright. Coming Out part 2 was via an email, and it was successful. My mom asked me today to find some therapists she could call. I can't believe this is actually beginning.

Now for something less happy. i was reading a bunch of stories about how, for instance, someone felt consciously wrong from a young age, how it became overbearing on them. I'm worried because I don't experience it that severely. I'm not constantly aware of it, and the only time it really becomes strong when I see an article of clothing I'd like but can't have, or the gender envy that seems common around here at least.
Belial wrote:Listen, what I'm saying is that he committed a felony with a zoo animal.

User avatar
Aaeriele
Posts: 2127
Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 3:30 am UTC
Location: San Francisco, CA

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Tue Mar 09, 2010 2:31 am UTC

nbonaparte wrote:Now for something less happy. i was reading a bunch of stories about how, for instance, someone felt consciously wrong from a young age, how it became overbearing on them. I'm worried because I don't experience it that severely. I'm not constantly aware of it, and the only time it really becomes strong when I see an article of clothing I'd like but can't have, or the gender envy that seems common around here at least.


Honestly, I don't think that there's one "standard" way of feeling in regards to these kind of things. There's no "if you have A, B, and C, you qualify" because it's just not that simple. Unlike, say, the flu, no one aside from yourself can truly tell you what gender you are.
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

User avatar
Esperite
Posts: 447
Joined: Tue Aug 18, 2009 1:35 am UTC
Location: The Internet

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Esperite » Tue Mar 09, 2010 3:03 am UTC

Yeah, don't worry if it's not all the time or not very apparent frmo a very young age. I had to deal with that aloy myself, and that was a major hurdle for me really believing myself. I don't have childhood memories or wanting to be a girl, wear dresses, or other stuff like that. In fact, all I had were memories of not wanting to be called a girl. I even did some stupid stuff to make sure noone could really think I was a girl (ie. standing up in toilet stalls.) Yeah, that does mean some stuff, but I always got worried whenever I hear that many people experience this from a very young age.
As for all the time, I tend to think about the idea of transitioning alot, but when I'm having fun or with my friends it doesn't really seem to matter and I don't think of it. It's actually really nice to not care =).

And yay for coming out! I really need to tell my brother...
Also: Group = awesome! Yay!
"A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it."
— Oscar Wilde

Carnildo
Posts: 2023
Joined: Fri Jul 18, 2008 8:43 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Carnildo » Tue Mar 09, 2010 4:40 am UTC

Esperite wrote:In fact, all I had were memories of not wanting to be called a girl. I even did some stupid stuff to make sure noone could really think I was a girl (ie. standing up in toilet stalls.)

This is actually fairly common. For example, before transitioning, my aunt was one of the most overtly manly guys I've ever met.

User avatar
Aaeriele
Posts: 2127
Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 3:30 am UTC
Location: San Francisco, CA

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Tue Mar 09, 2010 9:49 pm UTC

A knowing friend let me borrow some nail polish today, my toenails are now as cute as can be. ^_^
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

Bassoon
Posts: 476
Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 10:58 pm UTC
Location: Wisconsin

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Bassoon » Tue Mar 09, 2010 11:13 pm UTC

Okay, I am seriously getting sick of the people I come out to telling other people. Seriously, WTF? Knock it off!

It especially hurts when you go and tell people who don't exactly think I have a right to exist. No, actually, I'm not a disgusting person.

User avatar
Aaeriele
Posts: 2127
Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 3:30 am UTC
Location: San Francisco, CA

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Tue Mar 09, 2010 11:17 pm UTC

Bassoon wrote:Okay, I am seriously getting sick of the people I come out to telling other people. Seriously, WTF? Knock it off!

It especially hurts when you go and tell people who don't exactly think I have a right to exist. No, actually, I'm not a disgusting person.


Eeep. :/ That's not nice. If anything, that's the biggest thing with telling people things for me... having to trust other people with a secret. If you don't tell anyone, you have complete control over who knows... but as soon as you do, you don't anymore.
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

Osha
Posts: 727
Joined: Wed Dec 03, 2008 3:24 am UTC
Location: Boise, Idaho, USA

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Osha » Wed Mar 10, 2010 1:03 am UTC

Yeah, srsly.
RANT:
I told my immediate family about being trans awhile back, and now EVERYONE AND THEIR CHEESECAKE know. I don't know who knows for sure, which can be awkward. Grandpa is pretty damn transphobic and dad told him (dad ain't exactly stellar about the trans stuff himself) and I have no idea what he said or how grandpa took it, except that now our relationship is now ruined and I'm left wondering if I could have done more damage control if I got to reveal personal information, y'know, IN PERSON. And meanwhile mom's like "oh I told my doctor I hope you don't mind" and I'm sitting her thinking "oh of course I don't mind you're running around telling everyone about how trans I am as if it was like winning the spelling bee or running for student government. There's no way this is private information or could possibly have any negative repurcusions for me now or down the line! Certainly not! :O"
Privileged bludering idiots grah >:(

User avatar
Jessica
Jessica, you're a ...
Posts: 8337
Joined: Tue Oct 23, 2007 8:57 pm UTC
Location: Soviet Canuckistan

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Wed Mar 10, 2010 3:24 am UTC

Osha wrote:Yeah, srsly.
RANT:
I told my immediate family about being trans awhile back, and now EVERYONE AND THEIR CHEESECAKE know. I don't know who knows for sure, which can be awkward. Grandpa is pretty damn transphobic and dad told him (dad ain't exactly stellar about the trans stuff himself) and I have no idea what he said or how grandpa took it, except that now our relationship is now ruined and I'm left wondering if I could have done more damage control if I got to reveal personal information, y'know, IN PERSON. And meanwhile mom's like "oh I told my doctor I hope you don't mind" and I'm sitting her thinking "oh of course I don't mind you're running around telling everyone about how trans I am as if it was like winning the spelling bee or running for student government. There's no way this is private information or could possibly have any negative repurcusions for me now or down the line! Certainly not! :O"
Privileged bludering idiots grah >:(
Just tell her "Don't worry, I told your friends about your crabs."
doogly wrote:On a scale of Mr Rogers to Fascism, how mean do you think we're being?
Belial wrote:My goal is to be the best brain infection any of you have ever had.

User avatar
Amie
Posts: 910
Joined: Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:34 am UTC
Location: in Somnia.

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Amie » Wed Mar 10, 2010 4:10 am UTC

I've had the same problem although not with my family. I told some "friends" a while ago and it was like they made it their life's mission to tell as many people as they could. Within half an hour everyone was asking me, "Really? Are you really bi?"

I hated it. Then I decided to be open about it. I don't have any reason to shy away from my sexual orientation just because it isn't the same as thousand other people's. They can say what they want about me, I really don't give a flying fuck. I am DONE hiding.
Summer is miles and miles away, and no one would ask me to stay.
And I, should contemplate this change... to ease the pain.
And I, should step out of the rain... turn away.

User avatar
poxic
Eloquently Prismatic
Posts: 4751
Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2008 3:28 am UTC
Location: Left coast of Canada

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Wed Mar 10, 2010 4:31 am UTC

It's been hard for me to come out as asexual, something that in theory should be simple as pie. I've come out to a total of five people so far, I think, barring those associated with the AVEN website.

I'm not sure how I'd feel if they told others. Yay not having to tell them myself, boo not being able to choose who knows or how it's explained. (There's a helluva lot of misinformation about asexuality floating about.) I probably won't really know how I feel about it until it happens, I guess.

PS: Amie, I just had to riff on your sig. :wink:
In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
- Albert Schweitzer, philosopher, physician, musician, Nobel laureate (14 Jan 1875-1965)

User avatar
animeHrmIne
Posts: 509
Joined: Tue Jun 09, 2009 4:33 pm UTC
Location: Missouri, USA, Sol III

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby animeHrmIne » Wed Mar 10, 2010 4:51 am UTC

I've never known who actually knows I'm pan. I've always liked to think that I was never really in the closet. Any time I'm anxious about people finding out, I just tell myself that they probably already know, and if they don't, they will eventually. I did take the chicken way out of coming out to my grandparents while filling out an application for a summer program: "Hmm, am I part of an underrepresented group? Well, I'm pansexual and Native American enough for it to be legal, so yep! :D " They were just kind of like "O...kay..."
I wanted to see the universe, so I stole a Time Lord and ran away. And you were the only one mad enough.
Biting's excellent! It's like kissing, only there's a winner.
-Sexy

User avatar
Amie
Posts: 910
Joined: Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:34 am UTC
Location: in Somnia.

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Amie » Wed Mar 10, 2010 7:20 am UTC

*Applause for Proxic* Nice one xD

Anime - I'm just glad the people whom you told KNEW what pansexual meant. You try telling that to people here and first they'd be like :shock: and then you explain and then they'd be like :shock:

I can see why it's hard for people to come to terms with the fact that there are people like us but they're going to have to accept it. It's not like we're aliens off of a different planet and I'm sick of being looked at that way. Gandhi said that a society can be judged by how it treats its most vulnerable people. If I were to use those parameters and judge a society, almost every damn society would suck donkey's balls.

I feel like I need to apologize about the angry posts. Today has been horrid and my best friend decided to not talk to me for some strange reason.
Summer is miles and miles away, and no one would ask me to stay.
And I, should contemplate this change... to ease the pain.
And I, should step out of the rain... turn away.

User avatar
Aaeriele
Posts: 2127
Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 3:30 am UTC
Location: San Francisco, CA

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Wed Mar 10, 2010 1:14 pm UTC

Amie wrote:I feel like I need to apologize about the angry posts. Today has been horrid and my best friend decided to not talk to me for some strange reason.


*hug*
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

User avatar
Amie
Posts: 910
Joined: Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:34 am UTC
Location: in Somnia.

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Amie » Wed Mar 10, 2010 1:55 pm UTC

Aaeriele wrote:
Amie wrote:I feel like I need to apologize about the angry posts. Today has been horrid and my best friend decided to not talk to me for some strange reason.


*hug*

Ty, I needed that =)
Summer is miles and miles away, and no one would ask me to stay.
And I, should contemplate this change... to ease the pain.
And I, should step out of the rain... turn away.

User avatar
Aaeriele
Posts: 2127
Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 3:30 am UTC
Location: San Francisco, CA

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Fri Mar 12, 2010 12:56 pm UTC

A trip to Goodwill today has left me in the possession of 5 more skirts than I previously used to own. >.> But hey, at 5$ apiece it was hard to say no...
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

User avatar
tentacleTherapist
Posts: 96
Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2009 5:33 am UTC
Location: Land of Light and Rain

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby tentacleTherapist » Fri Mar 12, 2010 8:18 pm UTC

I wasn't sure whether to post this in here or LSR, but I figure you guys might be able to empathize better.
Spoiler:
OK, some background info. I'm genderqueer. My boyfriend knows this.
I also have a somewhat male body image and want to present as such. My boyfriend doesn't know this.
Of course I should've told him at the same time I came out as genderqueer, which was shortly after we started going out, but I somehow forgot, and then decided to leave it to later because I didn't want him to think I was only saying this in order to weird him out and dump me. He's definitely straight. He said he was ok with me being gq and said he didn't think less of me for it, even though he didn't really understand it. I thought, brilliant! He accepts me!
Until Saturday. Over something that seems so dumb, but really got under my skin.

He was telling me about this episode from The Cleveland Show (which I have never seen, and now have no desire to) in which Cleveland's dad sleeps with a trans woman, finds out about her transsexuality, and there is much vomiting from everyone. I told him that I really wouldn't find that funny at all, but he kept on seeing that 'you have to see it, it's hilarious!' All throughout his speech he put all pronouns referring to woman in question in air quotes. I looked up the episode in question later on, and it's much worse than I thought: she is portrayed as deceptive, as only transitioning in order to 'give his wife a feminine influence in her life after her mother died,' and all the characters refer to her as he once she is outed and is repeatedly called a tranny. Basically, one big transphobic orgy.
All of which serves to make telling him the full story about my gender identity that much more difficult, because it raises some uncomfortable questions.

Does his liking this show mean that he also thinks trans people are disgusting and deceptive? That they are 'really' the sex they were born as? Is he only ok with me being genderqueer as long as I still look like a cisgendered girl?
I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt - after all, he said he didn't completely 'get it', and often people say bigoted things without understanding how or why.
But then it occurred to me; maybe the only reason he accepts me is BECAUSE he doesn't understand, and when I explain the whole thing to him and my wanting a more masculine expression, he'll be all, "Wait, what?" and be disgusted, and who knows what drama might follow.

In short, this one little thing has put me in a very uncomfortable position, and I don't know how to explain this to someone else without sounding petty. And he's the only person I've come out to.


:(

But also on the subject of clothes, I went out and bought some 'guy' threads yesterday and am wearing them right now. Nobody seems to have realised, though. :mrgreen:
Tumblr-ma-doodle
Spoiler:
You will see my shadow
On every wall

User avatar
Aaeriele
Posts: 2127
Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 3:30 am UTC
Location: San Francisco, CA

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Fri Mar 12, 2010 10:03 pm UTC

That *is* an uncomfortable situation to be in... but in my experience it's always seemed to be better in the long run to clear the air. Otherwise the pressure just sort of builds up, and it's quite possible that it'd work out well if you just clarified things a bit. In the short run, yes, it can be awkward; I've just never found it to be any *less* awkward in the long run, just sort of a procrastination.
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

Sourire
Posts: 334
Joined: Mon May 25, 2009 3:11 pm UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sourire » Sat Mar 13, 2010 11:25 pm UTC

My Shadow-
That's definitely not a fun situation to be in. That being said, however, I think we have a habit to laugh at things that aren't funny some of the time. I know that I, for one, as a (self-appointed) fairly empathetic person on LGBT issues can still laugh at a 'good', if improper, joke. I can see how the episode itself would throw you off-honestly, I haven't seen it, and really feel no desire to even watch the clip you linked. But I wouldn't worry about its effect on your boyfriend, I don't think he'd take any life lessons from the Cleavland show. At least, I'd hope for your sake not.

Rantdom (Random and Rant, now all in one!):
So I went to get my haircut today. There were four pictures arrange on a wall in a sort of 2x2 grid. I said "I like the bottom left", which showed a woman with longer bangs/sides, and shorter hair in the back-something like a bob. My mom quickly responded "That'd look great on you!" I was so excited. I told the hairdresser, got into the chair, and was a little confused when she said "Do you want the sides all short like that"? So the hairdresser brings me over to the pictures, and points to the picture on the bottom right, which was of a man with shorter hair. I simply say "Bottom left dear", and then both her and my mother's facial expressions just dropped. The entire time the hairdresser just seemed to me like she felt awkward, and didn't even finish this time by showering me with compliments as per usual. Granted, my mother still liked it after it was done, but oh dear...it was weird.
Emi: Let the urge take you on a magic coaster ride of innuendo!

Kewangji: The universe is having an orgasm. Right now.

User avatar
Lumpy
I can has morbid obesity?
Posts: 1450
Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2007 2:19 pm UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Lumpy » Sun Mar 14, 2010 4:32 am UTC

My sister said she was coming over in the morning
then the afternoon
then at 10 o'clock at night
and I was wearing guy's clothes all day
because I thought she might come in soon.
I took a nap for a few hours.
When I woke up, I felt like I'd punched myself a lot;
I switched into my tank top,
looked in the mirror,
sized myself up,
and spent several minutes crying
at the possibility she'd think of me as "it."

User avatar
Josephine
Posts: 2142
Joined: Wed Apr 08, 2009 5:53 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Josephine » Sun Mar 14, 2010 4:41 am UTC

Lumpy wrote:My sister said she was coming over in the morning
then the afternoon
then at 10 o'clock at night
and I was wearing guy's clothes all day
because I thought she might come in soon.
I took a nap for a few hours.
When I woke up, I felt like I'd punched myself a lot;
I switched into my tank top,
looked in the mirror,
sized myself up,
and spent several minutes crying
at the possibility she'd think of me as "it."

*hug*
Belial wrote:Listen, what I'm saying is that he committed a felony with a zoo animal.

lunchtime.samurai
Posts: 76
Joined: Fri Mar 12, 2010 11:02 am UTC
Location: Satellite Two

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby lunchtime.samurai » Sun Mar 14, 2010 12:59 pm UTC

I dunnoo whether to come out... (as gay)
I go to a Catholic boy's school (though they're not too traditional and such), and some of the shit my bi friend puts up with...

Examples:
'Would you rather have sex with a guy or a chick?' [they *all* think 'chicks or dicks?' is *the* height of wit...]
'Would you rather have sex with [random male] or [other random male]?'
'Shouldn't you go to the bi toilet?'
Overheard:
'And at uni, he'll be like, 'get them off me!' 'cos of all the chicks.'

This isn't including all of the predictable 'faggot' remarks, of courrse.

I'm fairly sure, and so far I've told the friend I mention above, as well as one other friend, but I don't think anyone else I know will take it well.
Last edited by lunchtime.samurai on Wed Jul 21, 2010 1:21 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
Scenes from the dim, dusty, back corner of Omegle:
Stranger: He's a loving, sensitive man.
You: He's a neo-nazi.
Stranger: Your point being?

(Grammar and spelling repaired for your protection)

User avatar
Zohar
COMMANDER PORN
Posts: 8515
Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2007 8:45 pm UTC
Location: Denver

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Sun Mar 14, 2010 1:49 pm UTC

You don't have to, you know. It has benefits, sure, but it also has consequences. And while we all want an age where it's a non-issue, almost none of us want to sacrifice our own happiness trying to break through social conventions. It's OK if you don't want to do it and it doesn't make you lesser than anyone else. That said, maybe you could talk with the teachers/councilors about it. Not even say it's about you, just tell them you know it bothers friends of yours and you don't think people should suffer for it in school. You could write an anonymous note as well. I don't know if it will help, but that probably can't hurt.
Mighty Jalapeno: "See, Zohar agrees, and he's nice to people."
SecondTalon: "Still better looking than Jesus."

Not how I say my name

Nordic Einar
Posts: 783
Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2008 7:21 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Nordic Einar » Tue Mar 16, 2010 3:22 am UTC

I mentioned about 5 pages back or so a rather horrible experience with a therapist which was extremely discouraging as it was my first steps towards treatment - well, I'm happy to say that's turned around.

I recently was involved in setting up a LGBT-101 workshop for my college campus put on by a prominent LGBT-Legal Advocacy firm. The guy co-presented the workshop with a young, bisexual psychologist who had recently started an excellent activism group that sets out to research and make available to public policy makers the effects of discrimination on LGBT peoples from a psychological perspective. On top of her political activism she also sees clients; not surprisingly her specializations are centered around GLBT issues and GLBT peoples.

We hit it off *extremely* well; not only will we be continuing a professional relationship in regards to collaborating on various local activist projects, but she's agreed to see me for counseling. Needless to say I'm extremely excited.

User avatar
Josephine
Posts: 2142
Joined: Wed Apr 08, 2009 5:53 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Josephine » Tue Mar 16, 2010 5:00 am UTC

Nordic Einar wrote:I mentioned about 5 pages back or so a rather horrible experience with a therapist which was extremely discouraging as it was my first steps towards treatment - well, I'm happy to say that's turned around.

I recently was involved in setting up a LGBT-101 workshop for my college campus put on by a prominent LGBT-Legal Advocacy firm. The guy co-presented the workshop with a young, bisexual psychologist who had recently started an excellent activism group that sets out to research and make available to public policy makers the effects of discrimination on LGBT peoples from a psychological perspective. On top of her political activism she also sees clients; not surprisingly her specializations are centered around GLBT issues and GLBT peoples.

We hit it off *extremely* well; not only will we be continuing a professional relationship in regards to collaborating on various local activist projects, but she's agreed to see me for counseling. Needless to say I'm extremely excited.

wow, nice. Hope it goes well.
Belial wrote:Listen, what I'm saying is that he committed a felony with a zoo animal.

User avatar
Aaeriele
Posts: 2127
Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 3:30 am UTC
Location: San Francisco, CA

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Tue Mar 16, 2010 5:52 am UTC

Nordic Einar wrote:We hit it off *extremely* well; not only will we be continuing a professional relationship in regards to collaborating on various local activist projects, but she's agreed to see me for counseling. Needless to say I'm extremely excited.


Yay! It's always nice when things just work out like that. Hope it goes great. ^^
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

User avatar
Esperite
Posts: 447
Joined: Tue Aug 18, 2009 1:35 am UTC
Location: The Internet

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Esperite » Tue Mar 16, 2010 11:18 pm UTC

Yay! I finally told my brother about being transsexual. It was alot different than telling my mom, and it was alot more eloquent in my head than when I said it out loud. He seems ok about it though. I asked him, and he said he was, but he did need a bit of time alone to process this! Yay! I'm still in panic-relif mode, but not as much as right after.

yay!
"A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it."
— Oscar Wilde

najradanti
Posts: 42
Joined: Thu Dec 17, 2009 3:52 pm UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby najradanti » Wed Mar 17, 2010 2:11 am UTC

Yay, Esperite!

In other happy coming-out stories I have one of my own from this weekend. Spoilered for... long, and me being very squee.

Spoiler:
I went on a date this weekend with a guy who I have kind of had a huge Internet Crush on for a little while now. For strange reasons that are not particularly relevant, the date was kind of a surprise (I knew I was going on one! But not who I was going on one with.) And it went super well, and when it was over neither of us really wanted it to be yet, and I ended up inviting him to a party one of my friends was throwing later that night, and he seemed to get along pretty well with my friends too which is a nice sign! So, basically, everything was pretty much wonderful and we hit it off super well but. Uh. Because of the part where it was kind of a surprise, I didn't have a chance beforehand to talk to him about stuff I would otherwise have wanted to.

Like being trans.

And we ended up planning to get together again the next day (yes, very quick, but uh. We kind of just got along that well. :oops:) but I was really nervous because I like him a whole awful lot and I was not sure how he would take it, being as he is really pretty gay (and so am I! Except with, you know, breasts, and ovaries, and all.), but I wanted to get it over with early on while it was still just One Date and therefore Not Serious.

So he came over and we had hot chocolate and pie (it was Pi Day!) and went to my room to talk and I started out with "I've been really super nervous all day about having this talk and I would have liked to have it before actually going out with you but I didn't get the chance so I need to have it now!" but then I was kind of too nervous to even continue for a bit.

But I didn't have to because when he saw how shaky I was he was quick to reassure me that he is very easygoing and he is sure whatever it was it'd be okay and he'd still like me and -- well, okay, I was still nervous after that. And he said if it helped any, he thought he already knew what I was going to say. And I just looked at him for a moment and he said, I don't think you're wearing kevlar under your clothes.

Which made me laugh! So that was nice and tension-breaking. But anyway he said he Kind Of Suspected after hugging me because while holding me he said there are really only two things that feel like what I was wearing under my shirt and I am way too very tiny to have been in body armor.

SO uh. I didn't even have to tell him after all. And he still wanted to go out with me. And likes me. And thinks I am gorgeous.

... and we totally went out again yesterday. And he is still wonderful. And I was pretty much grinning nonstop from Saturday through today.

User avatar
poxic
Eloquently Prismatic
Posts: 4751
Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2008 3:28 am UTC
Location: Left coast of Canada

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Wed Mar 17, 2010 2:15 am UTC

Wait, wait, there's a pic around here somewhere...

... ah, here it is.

picarsq.jpg
picarsq.jpg (17.79 KiB) Viewed 3395 times

:D
In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
- Albert Schweitzer, philosopher, physician, musician, Nobel laureate (14 Jan 1875-1965)

User avatar
Amie
Posts: 910
Joined: Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:34 am UTC
Location: in Somnia.

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Amie » Wed Mar 17, 2010 5:12 am UTC

Yay Esperite and Najradanti!

*Throws a chocolate at both of you*

I just love happy stories :D Good luck to you both :)
Summer is miles and miles away, and no one would ask me to stay.
And I, should contemplate this change... to ease the pain.
And I, should step out of the rain... turn away.

Teapot
Posts: 1804
Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2008 2:32 pm UTC
Location: Scotland. Edinburgh mostly.
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Teapot » Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:28 am UTC

The happy in this thread has just made me getting up an hour too early to get into the library totally, totally worth it.
Jessica wrote:Dammit, teapot is better than everyone else.
Moo wrote:
pseudoidiot wrote:Localized, non-contagious willy leprosy?
"I'm sorry, sir, it's LNWL. There's nothing we can do".

User avatar
GraphiteGirl
Alpha Male
Posts: 1531
Joined: Sat Mar 28, 2009 3:45 pm UTC
Location: South-East Snakeville

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby GraphiteGirl » Wed Mar 17, 2010 10:06 am UTC

For any Aussies, a new show called Hungry Beast on ABC is on literally right now, and is going to be doing a feature on what it's like to be a person who is intersex. I don't know how well or not it'll be handled (the show has some comedy sections and some informative ones, and looks to be somewhat progressive in tone/content), but it may well be interesting. (It's 9pm here in Melbourne.)
Sandry wrote:Man, my commitment to sparkle motion is waaaaay lower than you are intimating.

User avatar
Zohar
COMMANDER PORN
Posts: 8515
Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2007 8:45 pm UTC
Location: Denver

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Wed Mar 17, 2010 10:24 am UTC

I read an article about someone down under who's male, at 28 decided to go through a sex change operation (is the PC term "gender reassignment surgery?) to a woman and then decided they didn't feel right in either gender. Now they're the first person ever to have "genderless" in their ID. The talkbacks were very much against it (some people sensibly replied to "so what is he attracted to?" with "what does that have to do with his gender?", though). I guess it's to be expected. The notion of a fluid gender identity and the possibility of not only man and woman but of something in between (or both at once or none of them at all) is very strange. It's also nearly impossible to relate to for cisgendered people - I know I can't relate to it. Although I accept that it's there and doesn't correlate with biological gender, I just can't find the part of me that means "I'm a man," probably because I've never had a conflict in that area.
Mighty Jalapeno: "See, Zohar agrees, and he's nice to people."
SecondTalon: "Still better looking than Jesus."

Not how I say my name


Return to “General”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 17 guests