[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

[Bassoon]

Oh, how I loathe thee, Christmas with my racist family.

[Kewangji]

Happiness:

Spoiler:

I got a skirt as a gift from my cousins and I wore it during the whole Christmas evening :3

Unhappiness:

Spoiler:

Mum felt she had to tell me that I should take it off and that it was enough. Bah, humbug

[Nordic Einar]

Fuck the closet and fuck my family.

[Brace]

Someone from the internet bought me a gift and is stalking me. I feel happy, proud, confused, intrigued, and slightly unnerved all at the same time ^^

Edit: OH! I also stumbled across this today. Don't know if it's been posted or not, almost certainly given how many pages there are in this topic, but I thought it was nice, even though

Spoiler:

I'm almost certain that Charlie will die at the end of her chapter T_T

http://www.khaoskomix.com/cgi-bin/archive.cgi

...and a quick search reveals that this was posted not 6 pages ago, but whatever. I liked it.

[Virtual_Aardvark]

I've been reading Khaos since Mark's story. The author's irregular posting habits have caused me a fair bit of agony. I introduced it to a FtM friend at the beginning of Tom's story any he bought me a "I like men in a gay way" shirt. Even though that's all around untrue.

[Zohar]

Happiness:

Spoiler:

I got a skirt as a gift from my cousins and I wore it during the whole Christmas evening :3

Unhappiness:

Spoiler:

Mum felt she had to tell me that I should take it off and that it was enough. Bah, humbug

Sucks a bit, but it's pretty great that your cousins are supportive. As for your mom, hopefully she just needs getting used to the idea.

[Sourire]

Happiness:

Spoiler:

I got a skirt as a gift from my cousins and I wore it during the whole Christmas evening :3

I'm jealous. What color?

Unhappiness:

Spoiler:

Mum felt she had to tell me that I should take it off and that it was enough. Bah, humbug

Was this at a specific point? Like, before a formal dinner? I'm not agreeing with what your mother did, but it's possible she was generally alright with the idea but had some bloated idea of the importance of some holiday ritual.

That phrasing makes me sound like an awful person.

[jerome_bc]

Oh, how I loathe thee, Christmas with my racist family.

This. I could have done without the racism, sexism and homophobia flying around the dinner table on Christmas Eve. I tried to put some sanity back in the conversation but I tend to avoid conflict so I mostly just sat there and silently fumed.

[Bassoon]

Hey, that's what I did! Even when my uncle got out the picture of chimpanzees and called them the Obamas.

[Zohar]

Maybe he was talking about evolutionary theory.

[podbaydoor]

The hilarious (read: actually infuriating) part is when I try to argue, it's shot down in favor of accusing me of being brainwashed by the liberal overlords who run the university system. Or else it's put down to my young age and when I'm as experienced and sage as my relatives in their vast, advanced state of wisdom, I'll finally come to see the light.

[Whelan]

Person I don't like's facebook status: Is [my name] really a bisexual?

I have no idea how/if I should respond.

[TaintedDeity]

That seems a little rude/needlessly public.
Depending on who they are, I think you should say so (and answer their question, if you like).

[Whelan]

My instant reaction was "Yes. Was this really the best way to ask though?" But then I remembered I pretty much do my best to avoid him and his friends. I only saw the status because a mutual friend texted me.

[poxic]

Reminds me of a story from the stock trading firm I worked at during the '90s. A salesman asked a couple of my fellow clerks whether person X was "y'know, funny," said while making a limp-wrist gesture. They replied that they didn't know what he meant.

So he tried again. "Y'know, is he, like, gaaay?" One of the clerks replied (with a straight face), "I don't know. Why don't you ask him?"

/many of the salesmen (and some of the few saleswomen) were assholes, but this fellow was absolutely stellar in his obliviousness

[Aaeriele]

Monica -

Never be afraid to take things at the pace which is comfortable to you. Like a few others have said, it's never "too late" - and it sounds like you have an awesome and understanding partner who truly cares for you.

Don't let the sensationalism of the media worry you that you're not "doing it right" or "getting what you should get" out of it - each individual relationship is something that's handcrafted. If you think there are possibilities that pushing boundaries might make things even better than they currently are, perhaps it's worth some experimentation - but you're not obligated to to experiment at any particular pace.

Individual relationships are all tricky and complex matters, and I don't really think there's a good way to compare between one person's relationship challenges and another. We all just try to help each other out. Don't feel bad about it (and don't feel bad about feeling bad, if you do initially - we've all been there). I'm glad to have you among the participants of this thread. ^_^

Regarding the whole femininity/clothes/etc thing - it's pretty much all what you define it to be for you. I've seen things all across the spectrum - complete tomboys who every once in a while liked to doll themselves up, other gals who wouldn't go a minute without their makeup if they could help it, others who didn't really care how people saw them. Across all of those, there was very little correlation to whether they considered their gender definite, ambiguous, or something in between.

[Monika]

Thanks (((Aaeriele))).


----


Why does it have to hurt so much?

[NecklaceOfShadow]

Because life, aside from being complex, is douchey.

-hug-

[poxic]

Spoiler:

Because ... there's no reason I can come up with that will answer. Stuff gets hard, and then it gets harder, and then we think we're going to implode or explode from all of the clashing and yelling within us (and sometimes outside us), and we just feel all wrong, all the time. And we muddle on through because we have to. And we find a compromise between what we wish and what we need and what can really happen, because we have to.

And then, really, it starts to work out. We don't even notice when it does, because it feels like all we're doing is struggling to keep a balance. But that's exactly what it feels like to learn to ride a bike: fall down, fall down get hurt, fall down, wobble, fall down, wobble wobble wobble fall down, wobble wobble wobble ride ride wobble ride. Ride ride ride. Ride some more. Still fall down sometimes, but get up and ride. Left foot pedal down, right foot pedal down. Ride.

There's no shortcut to learning to ride. You just have to find out the hard way, bruises and scrapes and bangs and all. Let your body work it out. No one can tell you exactly which people in your life you'll need to talk to, or exactly what to say, or exactly what do think or do or feel to get yourself to where you want to be, or when you'll get there. You have to work it out for yourself, and yes, you'll have to let your body and mind work it out together. And there will be some bruises and scrapes, and some successes and lots and lots of joy in your future as you hone in on your true self, on your own personal rhythms and rhymes. On your own style, your own -- really your own -- life, including the choice to ally yourself with another and tie your paths together.

Peace and joy to you. Much, much joy. The joy of the ride is worth the scrapes and bruises.

Spoilered because poxic went on an old-lady rant again. >.<

[Kewangji]

Happiness:

Spoiler:

I got a skirt as a gift from my cousins and I wore it during the whole Christmas evening :3

Unhappiness:

Spoiler:

Mum felt she had to tell me that I should take it off and that it was enough. Bah, humbug

Sucks a bit, but it's pretty great that your cousins are supportive. As for your mom, hopefully she just needs getting used to the idea.

Yeah. I told her to stop and she realized she'd been stupid, I think.

Happiness:

Spoiler:

I got a skirt as a gift from my cousins and I wore it during the whole Christmas evening :3

I'm jealous. What color?

Puuuuuurple!

Unhappiness:

Spoiler:

Mum felt she had to tell me that I should take it off and that it was enough. Bah, humbug

Was this at a specific point? Like, before a formal dinner? I'm not agreeing with what your mother did, but it's possible she was generally alright with the idea but had some bloated idea of the importance of some holiday ritual.

That phrasing makes me sound like an awful person.

I'd been wearing it over my jeans for about half an hour, and she pulled me aside to say that, in a way implying that I was wearing it to… offend people? Show off? Contrarianly? Something like that. Like it's not me wearing a skirt, it's me trying to get reactions from people and deciding the best way to do it is to wear a skirt. Over my jeans.

And nah, to me it sounds like you're trying to understand the action without defending it.

[GraphiteGirl]

Monica - it sounds like you are thinking of this problem as not sufficiently important to spend counselling time on, but at the same time it is seemingly affecting your happiness and fulfillment in daily life. If investigating further could help you become more comfortable in your identity and your relationships, then it seems worthy of investigation, in or out of therapy *hugs*

[NecklaceOfShadow]

I really hate that I freaked out for ten whole minutes because I lost a hair clip.

I'm almost tempted to go out myself right now just so that I can avoid that feeling the next time the stupid thing gets caught inside a Wii remote sleeve.

*sigh*

[Aaeriele]

I really hate that I freaked out for ten whole minutes because I lost a hair clip.

I'm almost tempted to go out myself right now just so that I can avoid that feeling the next time the stupid thing gets caught inside a Wii remote sleeve.

*sigh*

*hug*

[Virtual_Aardvark]

Spoiled for whiny ranty thing.

Spoiler:

Stupid stupid stupid gender roles!
Does anyone here remember Queer Eye? So I have for a long time been jealous of Tim Allen. He has a way of dressing that can only be defined as "snappy". I look at him, the cut of his suit, the colour of his tie and shirt and I want to emulate him. There is something so charming about how some gay men pull off the effeminate snappy look with such grace. I dream of owning an expensive, well cut suit. I want to be fabulouth (insert limp wrist).
But I am a woman, and a feminine one no less. That's not something I want to lose. But if I dress like an effeminate man I become a butch woman. Nothing wrong with butch, it's just not me. It's like there's no way to be properly femme and still look "snappy". It's not fair.

[podbaydoor]

If the suit is cut properly for your proportions, you can look fabulous and snappy while being femme. At least I think so.
http://www.amazon.com/Valentino-Womens- ... B000JWO79O

http://www.lifeinitaly.com/fashion/women-suits.asp
The pinstripe one looks pretty awesome.

[Aaeriele]

I agree with podbaydoor. Though it seems like it is a lot harder to get the "cut for your proportions" bit right.

[SecondTalon]

Buy it on the large side, find a tailor and have it altered? That's probably not bad advice all around as I believe a large component of snappy dressing is simply having things tailored to fit You and not the generic "A Medium is a Medium is a Medium" sizing straight off the rack.

[podbaydoor]

Yeah, as far as suits and other expensive clothing goes, I've heard over and over that the really good-looking stuff has to be tailored, otherwise it will look cheaper, or at least unflattering. So basically, it will be difficult to look snappy in anything that's just off-the-rack (especially if you're comparing yourself to someone on TV who probably has a team of assistants to make him look good). On the upside, when it's been tailored, it looks fabulouth.

[tentacleTherapist]

Speaking of tailoring clothes and other awesomeness I was wondering if you guys have heard of the Genderplayful Marketplace. It's still collecting funds for the launch atm and it's being run by the same person behind Genderfork. This is an actual thing that is actually happening

[Whelan]

Buy it on the large side, find a tailor and have it altered? That's probably not bad advice all around as I believe a large component of snappy dressing is simply having things tailored to fit You and not the generic "A Medium is a Medium is a Medium" sizing straight off the rack.

Especially when you consider that actually, a medium is a large is a double extra small, because shops can't even be internally consistent about sizing.

[Aaeriele]

Speaking of tailoring clothes and other awesomeness I was wondering if you guys have heard of the Genderplayful Marketplace. It's still collecting funds for the launch atm and it's being run by the same person behind Genderfork. This is an actual thing that is actually happening

If my math is right, between the Google donations and the Paypal donations, the $5000 mark has been hit.

[podbaydoor]

HA, I found it. Posted this ages ago in the Women thread. That's snappy for you:

[Zarq]

Is that Helga from 'Allo 'Allo?

[podbaydoor]

Marlene Dietrich, one of the more glamorous cross-dressers in old Hollywood.

[Zarq]

Oh right.

She really looks like Helga though.

[doogly]

Marlene Dietrich is the best ever.

[Zohar]

I like that today's SMBC has nothing to do with it being a date between two guys, and it's not commented on in the least, it's just there.

[Bassoon]

I caught that too, Zohar. I was happy!

[Vaniver]

it's not commented on in the least, it's just there.

Well, he mentioned it on his twitter, and the news feed. It confused me a bit, then I got it, then I was mildly impressed.

[Kewangji]

Hah, that is fantastic. I'm remembering arguments with slightly homophobic people, using SMBC as an example of 'you never mention gays unless it's the joke'. I feel like I win now. I totally win.