xkcd

by **mstjarna** » Fri Jan 21, 2011 4:51 am UTC

Two days after the officer's arrest, a second person came forward to say he had also been raped by the officer in 2008. As part of the plea agreement, prosecutors won't pursue the second allegation, according to court documents.

How the fuck does that happen? Did the plaintiff agree to drop the charges, or did they get tossed by the court?

by **Zeda** » Fri Jan 21, 2011 5:06 am UTC

Holy crap what went wrong? He rapes some woman and he gets a year. On top of that he is on the job as a police officer. He cannot work as a police officer in Texas, but elsewhere it is fine? Well wasn't he punished harshly!

by **poxic** » Fri Jan 21, 2011 5:07 am UTC

Could be money and/or in-group stuff. 1) We can't afford to fight hard enough to prosecute both violations fully, so we'll bargain the perpetrator down to something that will be easy to convict. 2) This is our bro, so we really can't face up to him and say "we're calling you on your bullshit" when we have this all-for-one unwritten code of behaviour, so we'll do something minimal to save face and still be able to tell him we've got his back.

I actually would prefer the first scenario.

by **doogly** » Fri Jan 21, 2011 5:10 am UTC

Police in charge of bringing justice to other police? I dunno, I think this looks like a job for...
...vigilante justice!

by **Brace** » Fri Jan 21, 2011 5:16 am UTC

doogly wrote:Police in charge of bringing justice to other police? I dunno, I think this looks like a job for...
...vigilante justice!

Maybe when I get married I'll blow up a police station on my honeymoon. Unfortunately my current last name comes with a caveat of pacifism.

by **Jessica** » Fri Jan 21, 2011 5:17 pm UTC

That stuff pisses me off. Unfortunately it generally isn't unheard of. Which makes me sad.

by **Lostdreams** » Fri Jan 21, 2011 7:29 pm UTC

Even worse is that you know after the garbage sentence that he got there must be a lot more that aren't prosecuted and a whole lot more than those that aren't reported at all.

by **Sarr** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 8:03 pm UTC

Hey thread. I've been doing some thinking about things lately, and I thought I'd share. Spoilered as usual for "if you know me in real life, keep out".

Spoiler:

by **Shivahn** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 8:27 pm UTC

Sarr wrote:Hey thread. I've been doing some thinking about things lately, and I thought I'd share. Spoilered as usual for "if you know me in real life, keep out".

Spoiler:
So, I've moved from straight trans to more of a bi-gender outlook. I feel that I'm both a guy at times and a girl at others, and to just go for one or the other would be kinda denying who I am. This has been fairly freeing, and I feel better knowing it. However, this kinda raises the question of transitioning. I still feel that I should've been born female, but now that I identify as both, I'm not sure if I... should try to transition? Want to try to transition? On the one hand, I would love to actually be physically a girl. On the other hand... it's almost a scary prospect. It's expensive, it's a hassle (from what I've heard), it's (after a point) irreversible, and it's lifechanging. And... I don't know how I feel about committing to it, right now.

I guess I'm wondering if anyone has any advice/thoughts, or is in a similar situation. And I felt like you guys deserved an update.

I don't have any advice, per se...

Spoiler:

by **Vaniver** » Sun Jan 23, 2011 12:31 am UTC

Sarr:

Spoiler:

by **Bassoon** » Sun Jan 23, 2011 1:15 am UTC

I got a kick out of this.

by **Virtual_Aardvark** » Sun Jan 23, 2011 1:29 am UTC

Wow. The crickets just make that.

by **Brace** » Sun Jan 23, 2011 5:11 am UTC

Sarr wrote:Hey thread. I've been doing some thinking about things lately, and I thought I'd share. Spoilered as usual for "if you know me in real life, keep out".

Spoiler:
So, I've moved from straight trans to more of a bi-gender outlook. I feel that I'm both a guy at times and a girl at others, and to just go for one or the other would be kinda denying who I am. This has been fairly freeing, and I feel better knowing it. However, this kinda raises the question of transitioning. I still feel that I should've been born female, but now that I identify as both, I'm not sure if I... should try to transition? Want to try to transition? On the one hand, I would love to actually be physically a girl. On the other hand... it's almost a scary prospect. It's expensive, it's a hassle (from what I've heard), it's (after a point) irreversible, and it's lifechanging. And... I don't know how I feel about committing to it, right now.

I guess I'm wondering if anyone has any advice/thoughts, or is in a similar situation. And I felt like you guys deserved an update.

Spoiler:

Shivahn wrote:
Spoiler:
Hormones are something I'd really like to try, but unfortunately we live in a society that seems to think it needs to protect us from ourselves, especially if we're thinking of being at all deviant because we couldn't possibly know what we wanted.

Spoiler:

by **Zohar** » Sun Jan 23, 2011 5:30 pm UTC

Hi everyone. I need some help from some of you.

As some of you may know, I'm an instructor for a gay youth group. We want to make an activity based on transgenders, since we noticed they had a lot of misunderstandings. I thought maybe I could ask whoever here that is not cisgendered to write a few sentences about it. Specifically, what it means to you, how it felt when you were just finding it out, if you're transitioning or already finished doing so, how that changed your feeling.

I will then take these sayings, translate them into Hebrew and we'll ask the kids to choose some that they identify with, without explaining we're talking about trans. After they choose, and explain how they identify with that, we'll tell them they've all been written by trans people and ask them how they think that fact relates to the thoughts they hold in their hands.

The point would be to try to help them understand a bit more about what it feels like on the emotional level.

What I would like from you, if you're willing, is to write general sentences. Not things that specifically relate to your body, if possible, only about how it made you feel (e.g. "it felt like what everyone was telling me was wrong", or something similar).

I would really appreciate if you could help me with this. Of course everything will remain anonymous (and translated

). And feel free to PM me instead of replying in this thread.

Thanks a lot!

by **Van** » Sun Jan 23, 2011 10:32 pm UTC

I finally had to buy new uniform shirts for work. Previously I'd had the unisex shirts, as I wasn't out at the time when I bought them, but this time I went ahead and got the feminine cut just 'cause. The buttons are purely decorative, and that amuses me to no end.

by **viscusanima** » Sun Jan 23, 2011 10:40 pm UTC

So I was reading the student British Medical Journal, and there's an article about working with transsexual patients. It was actually really good. It's written by a trans woman, and it really helps to dispel a lot of the ignorance and doubt etc which surround trans people as far as the medical profession is concerned. Given the horrific experiences of many trans people I've read about online, hopefully with more articles like this we can actually change attitudes and make life a whole lot better.

by **Aaeriele** » Sun Jan 23, 2011 11:04 pm UTC

viscusanima wrote:So I was reading the student British Medical Journal, and there's an article about working with transsexual patients. It was actually really good.

I'd have to agree with that assessment. Hurray for medical literature that actually isn't terrible!

by **Monika** » Mon Jan 24, 2011 3:56 pm UTC

So, what's new.

Writing down here what I feel and what upsets me helped me be able to think about new things. Instead of thinking in circles of yes-no-maybe-whatif-whatifnot (what I did for years) I could think about what to do.

So first after some days I considered going to one of the meetings of the LGBT groups near here, either in Heidelberg or in Mannheim. The idea kind of freaks me out because I am not sure if I am bi, lesbian, asexual, whatever, so what do I say if anybody asks? Also, I am not so sure what they will think of my being married to a man. But well, I don't have to go around telling everybody right from the beginning. (Even though that's strange, too.) Well, it turns out the LGBT groups around here seem to be dying like flies. The websites are not reachable (one link was even still to Geocities), or last updated 2008, or actually sport the text "This group is dead". Then I seemed to have found the perfect group: LGBQ, so if they mention queer, they are hopefully not so limited to clear-cut orientations like LGB. No upper age limit. And not associated directly with the university, actually they specifically mention also being open to young working people (without specifying young). The website says they meet always on the 2nd Thursday. I wrote them an e-mail to check if this is current. Also kind of to force myself to go, because if I write an e-mail to confirm that and then don't show up, how strange. Well, the group stopped at the end of the year. They sent me a reply that they are sorry, but too few people showed up. They changed the website the next day to saying that it's over. This leaves two groups in the area (not counting groups for men), one has an upper age limit of 25, the other is a "coming out group for lesbians" under the lead of a psychological support center. Not quite what I have in mind.

What is alife and kicking is the websites for the gay and lesbian party scene. I have been to uni parties while I was in uni. Number of people I have talked to that I did now know before: 0. It's unlikely that I would manage to go to any party on my own and actually meet somebody.

So now something completely different. I signed up for a dating site. Something I didn't think I would ever do. It's a nice website. For women it's free on the basic and "plus" level and cheaper than for men on the premium level. Best is: They have forums and they have "groups", which are basically user-created forums, for which one needs admission by the group moderator. They have a big group just for bisexual women who are married to or in a permanent relationship with a man and want to date a woman :shock:

. This is strange. This me. But it's strange anyway. Why is it not a mixed group with lesbians? It does not specifically state that lesbians are not welcome, they are not mentioned, but the name is "bisexual women only" (the description suggests that they mostly try to keep out the m/f couples, who apparently are constantly hitting on bisexual women on the site). I have joined that group. And two of the four local/area groups for the same topic, as I live right at the border between the South and the West group. There is a lesbian group - that one specifically mentions that bisexual women who are in a relationship with a man should rather join one of the bi groups. Well, it's a dating site. Whatever works. I had been wondering how a lesbian woman would accept a parallel relationship, moreover marriage, to a man, anyway. I mean, in all the information material about bisexuality, it always says: Bi doesn't mean being in a relationship with a man and a woman at the same time (and that this is just prejudice). Except sometimes it does :-/ . But being with one man and one woman does not qualify as poly, either, does it?
The sign-up process for the website is a bit weird, one thing to choose (unchangeable) is the gender: heterosexual woman, lesbian woman, transgender. Hey, where is bisexual woman? And how come, if we consider hetero/homo-sexuality as a supposedly unchangeable part of the gender identity as this site seems to do, transwomen are somehow not straight or lesbian?! And there is very much an extra area for choosing "interested in" (options: men, women, couples). Additionally there is a section "bisexual: yes, curious, no". So do I choose heterosexual woman + bi: yes or lesbian woman + bi?? I went for lesbian woman + bi, as I am looking for a woman on the site. Little did I know that if you choose heterosexual woman, this shows up as just "woman" in the profiles, while if you choose lesbian, it shows up as "lesbian woman". Grmpf. (I am thinking of the Chinese "Is a white horse not a horse?" and also about othering now.) Also, one of the first forum postings to come across was by a lesbian (non-bi) woman who complained how women can sign up with lesbian + bi, because lesbian means homo so they can't be bi ... technically correct, but did she forget that the other option was hetero + bi, which is not any more correct, either? Hmpf. Whatever. I think the site is trying to be LGBT-friendly, but has not quite figured it out. I am going to spoiler the next sentence, it may be triggering for transwomen:

Spoiler:

Next thing: Clothes. I have a large collection of gray pullovers

. I actually went yesterday and bought some clothes that could be considered moderately sexy. That is: Not like bags. There are basically two reasons I don't have any (well, few, and those I also only bought last year, with the assistance of a friend). One is I never needed to. I have been dating my husband since I was in high school. (I was 20; also the age of consent is 14/16.) I totally didn't feel like wearing such stuff before. And then I had no need to attract someone. The second reason I realized within the last few days: I was afraid I would attract men and they would hit on me. Being attractive for a woman is somehow something completely different.

My husband knows I signed up to the dating site and he went buy the clothes with me

. He commended me for being so brave to sign up. Heh.

Sorry for subjecting you to this stream-of-consciousness posting.

by **Brace** » Mon Jan 24, 2011 4:08 pm UTC

I got in a fight with my mirror today. It insulted me for the last time. I won, but it took a chunk out of me in the process.

@Monika's spoiler: No, you're not remotely mistaken.

by **Zarq** » Mon Jan 24, 2011 5:02 pm UTC

You should send a PM about that to a moderator or administrator of the board. If they really care about being LGBT-friendly, there's a good chance they'll change it.

by **Jessica** » Mon Jan 24, 2011 7:25 pm UTC

Hey Zohar - give me a bit of time and I'll think of something to send you!

by **Zohar** » Mon Jan 24, 2011 7:55 pm UTC

Thank you Jessica. Preferably before the end of Wednesday would be best. And again, if anyone else who's trans wants to send me something (I would really appreciate it), please read the post above for what I'm looking for.

by **bluebambue** » Tue Jan 25, 2011 4:00 am UTC

Monika wrote:Except sometimes it does :-/ . But being with one man and one woman does not qualify as poly, either, does it?

My understanding is that it squarely falls under the definition of poly, more than one simultaneous relationship. I don't think gender factors into it.

by **Aaeriele** » Tue Jan 25, 2011 4:35 am UTC

Debated between posting a link to this here or not, since I wasn't sure if I wanted people from it to be able to reverse-google my xkcd profile. But I think I've found a workaround: shortlinking!

I've started writing on some various trans-related topics here: http://wp.me/1j5Io

Edit, unrelated

Tweets like this make me sick.

Spoiler:

by **Monika** » Tue Jan 25, 2011 9:03 am UTC

What do you think about the mentioned movies Transamerica and Ticked-Off Trannies with Knives? Besides that they are hardly suitable training material for medical professionals, especially the second one.

by **Aaeriele** » Tue Jan 25, 2011 9:07 am UTC

Monika wrote:What do you think about the mentioned movies Transamerica and Ticked-Off Trannies with Knives? Besides that they are hardly suitable training material for medical professionals, especially the second one.

The former is so-so; the latter is somewhat the trans equivalent of blaxsploitation.

by **Monika** » Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:36 pm UTC

Zarq wrote:You should send a PM about that to a moderator or administrator of the board. If they really care about being LGBT-friendly, there's a good chance they'll change it.

I have sent a message to their support. Let's see what happens.

Aaeriele (and others): Is the "transploitation" movie genre good/empowering or bad/promoting stereotypes?

by **Wyvern** » Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:48 pm UTC

It's good in a "hey more people know we exist now" kind of way, but that's the only good thing I could say about it. Everything else about it is degrading and perpetuating awful stereotypes and just all around terrible.

by **Aaeriele** » Wed Jan 26, 2011 12:04 am UTC

Monika wrote:bad/promoting stereotypes?

by **TaintedDeity** » Wed Jan 26, 2011 1:20 am UTC

Really, I think a lot of people know trans folk exist, they just don't know much more than that and I'm not sure how effective transploitation films are going to be at rectifying that...
Rectifying is a funny word.

by **Bassoon** » Wed Jan 26, 2011 3:16 am UTC

Gah, I wish Obama would have stood up for trans* folk and hadn't called for universities to allow the ROTC back onto campuses.

by **The Mighty Thesaurus** » Wed Jan 26, 2011 4:39 am UTC

by **TheGrammarBolshevik** » Wed Jan 26, 2011 4:51 am UTC

The USA recently repealed its ban on military service by openly gay/lesbian/bisexual individuals, while leaving the corresponding ban on transgender individuals in place. Subsequently, several universities (including my own) have moved toward reinstating the Reserve Officers Training Corps, an elective program whereby students graduate with a military commission. Some universities banned the ROTC from their campuses in the 60s due to anti-war sentiment, and left the bans in place as university policies came to condemn the military's discrimination against LGB individuals. In welcoming the ROTC back, such universities effectively indicate that discrimination on the basis of gender identity is not to be taken as seriously as discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.

by **Brace** » Wed Jan 26, 2011 5:18 am UTC

Not surprising at all. It will be at least another half century past whenever GLB people get full rights for TG acceptance to happen.

by **poxic** » Wed Jan 26, 2011 5:34 am UTC

After all, there can only be one chunk of progress per couple of generations, else the people will headsplode. If we give them non-whites the vote*, welp, them wimmins** gotta wait fifty years. And then another fifty before them gays have the right to not be illegal***.

So yeah, looks like the Ts have to wait until [counting on fingers] ... 2019.

Hey, that's not as far away as I thought it would be.

* Black suffrage in the US: 1870
** Women's suffrage in the US: 1920
*** Stonewall riots: 1969

by **Brace** » Wed Jan 26, 2011 5:42 am UTC

Except the GLB's have the funding and organization of the G's, L's, B's, and T's, whereas the T's will largely have to try and bootstrap themselves. I don't see a lot of support for transgender rights from the rest of the community once the rest of the community gets theirs. Why invest the effort or money? The only motivations are altruistic, hence less compelling.

by **poxic** » Wed Jan 26, 2011 6:04 am UTC

Some enlightened LGBs will contribute to the Ts, just as some enlightened women contributed to the LGBs (and, I don't doubt, enlightened non-whites contributed to the women's movement). It's a diminishing number, true. All the more reason for Ts and allies to get out there and write, act, sing, produce, lobby, draw, paint, legislate, and a thousand other activities that I could keep listing.

Yeah, 2019 might be a bit optimistic. Or not. We won't know until we get there, and until we do what we can and find out if it's enough yet. The world population will only keep growing (barring uberplague or asteroids or whatnot), so the absolute count of Ts will also keep growing. And it's absolute count that matters in these things, really. One person in 100 isn't a movement. Ten people in 1,000 isn't a movement. One million people in 100,000,000 is absolutely a movement.

Take heart. Things always look impossible until they don't. <3

by **Monika** » Wed Jan 26, 2011 2:57 pm UTC

They've refused to change the title of the forum. :evil:

by **Brace** » Wed Jan 26, 2011 3:06 pm UTC

Perhaps you could suggest they replace the second word with "Femmeboys" or "Genderqueers". Maybe they're trying to convey a range of gender possibilities but are just incredibly, hopelessly bad at doing so in an appropriate way.

by **Jessica** » Wed Jan 26, 2011 5:34 pm UTC

I hate the 50 year thing... Transgender people have been at the forefront of GLB politics from the beginning. They just keep denying us. Stonewall wasn't the first, and it included a lot of queens who would later transition.

Stupid history, stupid people ignoring... *muttering*

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