[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Things that don't belong anywhere else. (Check first).

Moderators: Moderators General, Prelates, Magistrates

User avatar
crickets
Posts: 785
Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2008 6:57 am UTC
Location: Edmonton, AB
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby crickets » Sat Apr 25, 2009 7:19 am UTC

I wish i had a firmer sense of my sexual preference. Being all blurry and silly about it just makes me feel really immature, and even though i know it doesn't matter that much, i really want to go out and find... someone. A girlfriend, someone to sleep with, anything... but i'm not even sure who i'm looking for. And i'm really not the type of person that people flock too, so i can't just wait for someone i find attractive to hit on me...

/ramble.

I'm glad this thread is here. I have many issues about things.
SecondTalon wrote:Virtue may be it's own reward, but so are Skittles.

User avatar
Hyphe
Posts: 577
Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2009 6:55 pm UTC
Location: South of the river

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby Hyphe » Sat Apr 25, 2009 7:33 am UTC

I would also like to echo the "where are all the gay girls?" sentiment. I know they're around, just.... where? :|

The UK doesn't have same-sex marraige, but we have civil partnerships which are effectively the same thing but with a different name.

User avatar
StrengthInFaith
Posts: 76
Joined: Tue Feb 03, 2009 3:21 am UTC
Location: United States

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby StrengthInFaith » Sat Apr 25, 2009 7:36 am UTC

A little off-topic, but I think your hair is super pretty crickets.

I have absolutely no idea where to go from here. I haven't come out as being transgender to anyone, except the people here on the fora. One of my friends suspects that I am, I think. She's also the girl I'm in love with. However, she's not gay, so if I ever transition there's almost no chance of us ever being together. Which is very depressing.

Sigh sigh sigh. Stuff can be muy complicated sometimes. :(

User avatar
michaelandjimi
Isn't Even Playing
Posts: 2353
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 8:21 am UTC
Location: Citizen of the World
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby michaelandjimi » Sat Apr 25, 2009 7:46 am UTC

Hyphe wrote:The UK doesn't have same-sex marraige, but we have civil partnerships which are effectively the same thing but with a different name.
I still hate the hell out of the whole "separate but equal" thing.
Whelan wrote:Relax, have a good time, and hope for the bees ;)

User avatar
ameretrifle
Vera
Posts: 814
Joined: Sat Sep 20, 2008 6:32 am UTC
Location: Canada (the flat bit)

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby ameretrifle » Sat Apr 25, 2009 7:56 am UTC

...You see, I was going to post something here, y'know, voicing my support and describing my situation, but then crickets came in and now it'd be redundant. Because that is so EXACTLY where I am.

I mean, really. My real-life experience is exactly zero (unless you count one kiss on the forehead in sixth grade). I thought I had a crush on a kid in 7-8th grade, but looking back, I knew even at the time I started interacting with him because he reminded me of a friend I'd had in elementary school. After a new school got built and we got seperated (I was a rather stupid kid who didn't understand the notion of, you know, meeting people outside of school--and in my defense, I was never quite sure we were actually friends; some days we played house, some days she kicked sand at me), I tried to recreate that relationship in every other school I went to: I knew it even at the time. I kind of liked him, but it probably wasn't actually a crush, though I tried to convince myself otherwise. I wanted to feel that way about someone, and I was afraid I never would. I still feel that way, really.

So anyway, without any evidence, I'm stuck in a rut of questioning and second-guessing myself over and over and it's really quite annoying. *sigh* I mean, I'm the sort of person who can agonize over pizza toppings. (Well, I've been getting better at that, but the point stands...)

cycoden
Posts: 94
Joined: Fri May 18, 2007 9:21 am UTC
Location: Melbourne

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby cycoden » Sat Apr 25, 2009 8:30 am UTC

la fée verte wrote:
Jessica wrote:one of the questions is (If I remember correctly) about being gay. Probably like "have you ever had sex with a gay man" or something. I remember the question but at the time it was no, so I didn't pay attention. They still didn't want my blood...

In the UK you can never give blood if you are "a man who has had oral or anal sex with a man (even if you used a condom)". For women, you can't give blood for a year after sex with "a man who has had sex with another man".[...]

As a straight woman, I don't need to give any details at all about my safer sex practices in order to give blood. I just need to confirm that, as far as I know, I don't have HIV or hepatitis. So, in theory, I could have screwed a different stranger every night for the last month, never used a condom, and yet be allowed to donate. Whereas a responsible, monogamous, condom-using gay man is excluded. Gah.


IIRC from the form I filled out last time I gave blood, I think its just 12 months wrt sexual practices in Australia. Also, your promiscuous theoretical person should probably disqualify themselves, since they couldn't be sure that *all* their partners met the requirements of a donor's partners.

On the other hand, I lived in Britain for a few months during the risk period for mad cow. Had I stayed for six months, I would have been banned permanently :S

The eligibility criteria for Australia is here: http://www.donateblood.com.au/page.aspx ... 0#answer47
VectorZero wrote:SEXUAL INTERCOURSE DISGUSTS ME!
Spoiler:
Bulvox wrote:This is probably one of the few times that I'll agree with Cycoden on anything. I just wish that my brain worked like that.

User avatar
setzer777
Good questions sometimes get stupid answers
Posts: 2762
Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2008 9:24 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby setzer777 » Sat Apr 25, 2009 8:39 am UTC

I'm somewhat familiar with the blood donation thing (my father works for a blood bank), I remember hearing about the mad cow thing.

The HIV test is extremely accurate, I believe the only risk is if someone has contracted it very recently before giving blood (making it more likely to slip past a test). The "have you ever had sex with a man" thing is bullshit though and is a holdover from the idea that AIDS is a "gay disease". If they do want to be extremely safe, they should just put something like: "Have you (male or female) had anal sex *without a condom* with anybody (male or female) in the last 6 months (or whatever the exact margin is for recent contraction being hard to detect).
Meaux_Pas wrote:We're here to go above and beyond.

Too infinity
of being an arsehole

happy-go-lucky
Posts: 23
Joined: Sun Apr 19, 2009 9:02 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby happy-go-lucky » Sat Apr 25, 2009 9:40 am UTC

"Civil Partnerships" annoy the hell you of me, I can't see why they can't be called marriages. I hate the argument "it's just a word," too. If it's just a word, then let us use it! (I live in England.)

User avatar
abitha
Posts: 278
Joined: Fri Mar 20, 2009 7:05 pm UTC
Location: UK

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby abitha » Sat Apr 25, 2009 10:01 am UTC

I have a question about terminology.

I had a conversation with a few of my gay friends a while back, where we were discussing LGBT terminology and how easy it is for a straight person to accidentally say something offensive. I was quite surprised by some of the things - i mean, it's obvious that it's not ok to call someone a 'fag' etc, or to say things like "that's so gay" to mean something's rubbish or broken - but one of my friends said that the word 'homosexual' was also somewhat offensive nowadays, and the only acceptable adjective was 'gay'. I believe the rationale for this was that 'homosexual' tends to be the word used in scientific discussions, and also by the church, rendering it unacceptable for use in social discourse (I may have misunderstood his argument). Someone else said he really hated when people use the word 'gay' as a noun, even if it was a gay person saying it (e.g. "I'm going to invite the gays round for a drink"). This one i think i can understand the offensiveness a bit more easily, although it surprised me because this usage was quite commonplace in our social group (which was about 50/50 gay and straight) at the time, particularly among the gay members of the group! I've tried not to use these words since then, but it reminded me how easy it is to say something offensive by accident.

So, what do other people think about such words/usages? Are there any others that annoy you, and if so, why?

User avatar
fyrenwater
Posts: 564
Joined: Wed Aug 20, 2008 2:26 am UTC
Location: SPAAAAAAAAAAAAACE
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby fyrenwater » Sat Apr 25, 2009 10:42 am UTC

"Gay" and "homosexual" seem to be okay terms. It's when they're spat out like disgusting things that causes the problem. Stuff like "homo" and "fag" are always a slap to the face, even when said "jokingly". Then there's the odd word, "queer". When used respectively, it's a proper term. When flung into someone's face, it's derogatory. It depends on the delivery, really.

Back to marriage, everyone has a different view of what "marriage" even is. Wouldn't it cause less trouble if the government only dealt with the legal part: civil unions? No need to fight with the super-religious &/or super-conservative if everyone, regardless of partners or sexuality, only needed civil unions to be legally seen as a couple. Then whatever couples wanted the religiously-allowed marriage part can go and do it at their [insert place of worship]. Those trying to "protect the sacred vows" (*snrk*) can be consoled by the fact that their religious marriage vows aren't given to "non-traditional" couples and whatnot. Buuuut there's flaws. Same-sex couples that want blessings still wouldn't get them. Just because laws make it okay doesn't mean that their family and friends would accept it. At least they'd be legally recognized as a couple? ...One step at a time?

Ugh. The stupidest thing is that this is like the racist "no interracial marriages" laws of the past and that some people still don't see the parallels. That and it's all DISCRIMINATORY AND UNFAIR AND CHILDISH AND MORONIC ARGH. *headdesks*
...It made more sense in my head.

happy-go-lucky
Posts: 23
Joined: Sun Apr 19, 2009 9:02 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby happy-go-lucky » Sat Apr 25, 2009 2:04 pm UTC

So far as I know, in England same sex couples can get pretty much the same legal rights from civil partnerships as heterosexual couples get from civil marriages. It's just the fact that they wont let us use the word marriage in case we offend christians (yes I know it's not most christians and that I'm generalising horribly) or something. I don't want a "civil partnership," I want to get married.

User avatar
podbaydoor
Posts: 7548
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2007 4:16 am UTC
Location: spaceship somewhere out there

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby podbaydoor » Sat Apr 25, 2009 3:13 pm UTC

fyrenwater wrote:Buuuut there's flaws. Same-sex couples that want blessings still wouldn't get them. Just because laws make it okay doesn't mean that their family and friends would accept it. At least they'd be legally recognized as a couple? ...One step at a time?

For the record, I totally agree with your solution - the government should just mandate civil unions for everyone and wash their hands of the whole affair. It's violating separation of church and state for them to get into the marriage business, anyway. You're also right that even if the system became that everyone could get civil unions and those who wanted to, would get their spiritual vows done in their institution of choice, the same-sex couples might be excluded from their institution of choice...but unfortunately the government can't do anything about that. If marriage is relegated entirely to just a religion thing, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof."
tenet |ˈtenit|
noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
noun
a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.

User avatar
H.E.L.e.N.
Cheesy-tuna-bacon-pickle?
Posts: 2668
Joined: Sun Apr 15, 2007 1:53 am UTC
Location: the other side of the other river

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby H.E.L.e.N. » Sat Apr 25, 2009 3:24 pm UTC

michaelandjimi wrote:Q2 = Queer: I believe, but am unsure, that this refers to those whose gender and/or orientation do not come under any of the above listed terms. Correct me if I am wrong.


I've seen it used as an inclusive, umbrella term too, which is a convention I'm pretty fond of. Like it does include identities that don't fit a previous category, but also doesn't exclude any of the previously-listed categories.

User avatar
PictureSarah
Secretary of Penile Nomenclature
Posts: 4576
Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:37 pm UTC
Location: Sacramento, CA
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby PictureSarah » Sat Apr 25, 2009 4:26 pm UTC

When I took Queer Studies at school, the professor basically said queer works for anyone outside the heternormative, and is generally thought of as a good, inoffensive catchall. But you should still call people whatever they prefer to be called. I think that makes sense.
"A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for."

User avatar
H.E.L.e.N.
Cheesy-tuna-bacon-pickle?
Posts: 2668
Joined: Sun Apr 15, 2007 1:53 am UTC
Location: the other side of the other river

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby H.E.L.e.N. » Sat Apr 25, 2009 4:36 pm UTC

Definitely. More specifically I meant I really like its use in some of the meatspace groups I'm in, as a group descriptor, because it's purposefully used to show inclusivity.

The Mighty Thesaurus
In your library, eating your students
Posts: 4399
Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 7:47 am UTC
Location: The Daily Bugle

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby The Mighty Thesaurus » Sat Apr 25, 2009 5:15 pm UTC

I've been confused about my gender since fifth grade. Sometimes I feel entirely genderless, other times I feel rather girlish, and still other times I just want to be a physically androgynous boy. Whenever I do try to make a choice, I end up convincing myself that it is wrong, and that I was foolish for thinking it. I'm scared to ask anyone in meatspace for advice, because that would mean opening up to someone, and I'm too much of a loner to do that.
LE4dGOLEM wrote:your ability to tell things from things remains one of your skills.
Weeks wrote:Not only can you tell things from things, you can recognize when a thing is a thing

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

User avatar
poxic
Eloquently Prismatic
Posts: 4751
Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2008 3:28 am UTC
Location: Left coast of Canada

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby poxic » Sat Apr 25, 2009 6:37 pm UTC

Sounds like your best gender definition is "fluid". The only thing you can't do is nail it down, because that's a denial of what you are. :wink:
In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
- Albert Schweitzer, philosopher, physician, musician, Nobel laureate (14 Jan 1875-1965)

User avatar
DJorgensen
Posts: 1503
Joined: Tue Feb 19, 2008 9:24 pm UTC
Location: A small reality, fractured from this one.
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby DJorgensen » Sat Apr 25, 2009 6:49 pm UTC

The Mighty Thesaurus wrote:I've been confused about my gender since fifth grade. Sometimes I feel entirely genderless, other times I feel rather girlish, and still other times I just want to be a physically androgynous boy. Whenever I do try to make a choice, I end up convincing myself that it is wrong, and that I was foolish for thinking it. I'm scared to ask anyone in meatspace for advice, because that would mean opening up to someone, and I'm too much of a loner to do that.

Ah, I was the same really. I always thought that I had no choice so I just did my own thing and kept finding it not to fit in with the norm for those I grew up with. But I really didn't understand that there was really more options than boy or girl until I was about 17. From there on, the more that I realized, the worse things got that I couldn't do anything... It wasn't until I was 19 and met someone else like me that I just gave up and did my own thing and lived completely andro without worrying about the consequences. Once I hit 22 I had realized what I needed to do, and now at 24 I am mostly happy about things. That said I am never going to really feel like either gender, and I don't mind it so much now - I am just (mostly) happy with my body. :3

I mean even now I still have difficulties referring to myself with female pronouns...
trap: a device in which something (usually an animal) can be caught and penned.

User avatar
Jessica
Jessica, you're a ...
Posts: 8337
Joined: Tue Oct 23, 2007 8:57 pm UTC
Location: Soviet Canuckistan

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby Jessica » Sat Apr 25, 2009 7:50 pm UTC

I'd say go with it, TMT. Do what feels right at the time, and don't try and force yourself into anything. If it settles down then it settles down. If it doesn't then it doesn't. nothing wrong either way.
doogly wrote:On a scale of Mr Rogers to Fascism, how mean do you think we're being?
Belial wrote:My goal is to be the best brain infection any of you have ever had.

User avatar
H.E.L.e.N.
Cheesy-tuna-bacon-pickle?
Posts: 2668
Joined: Sun Apr 15, 2007 1:53 am UTC
Location: the other side of the other river

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby H.E.L.e.N. » Sat Apr 25, 2009 10:01 pm UTC

Jessica wrote:I wish I could find a way to meet gay women.


I don't remember where in Canada you are, but if you're near a city, I've had a lot of luck with meetup.com for lesbian-centric non-bar meetups. Probably depends wildly on the city, though.

The Mighty Thesaurus wrote:I've been confused about my gender since fifth grade.


HUGS. Seriously. I feel like the internet-tendency is to give advice, whereas...sometimes things are just Hard. I didn't have much social support for my oddity until relatively recently, and that's not an easy place to be. Hugs.

Carnildo
Posts: 2023
Joined: Fri Jul 18, 2008 8:43 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby Carnildo » Sat Apr 25, 2009 10:24 pm UTC

happy-go-lucky wrote:"Civil Partnerships" annoy the hell you of me, I can't see why they can't be called marriages. I hate the argument "it's just a word," too. If it's just a word, then let us use it! (I live in England.)


Domestic partenerships as implemented here in Washington state have two major differences from marriages:
1) They aren't called "marriages", so the conservatives don't get quite so annoyed about them.
2) They aren't called "marriages", so marriage-based clauses in various contracts don't trigger. For example, you don't lose various medical or disability benefits that you'd lose if you got married. This is the reason why domestic partenerships can also be entered into by heterosexual couples when one member of the partenership is over 62.

User avatar
Delalyra
Posts: 1812
Joined: Fri Aug 31, 2007 12:39 am UTC
Location: Western Mass
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby Delalyra » Sun Apr 26, 2009 12:02 am UTC

I'm... well. I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual, but more a 2 than a 3 on the kinsey scale. I mostly want sex at this point, but I'm in a hetero relationship, and it bothers the dickens out of me that a lot of lesbians/people in general won't take me seriously because of it. On the other hand, there are much bigger problems in the world than getting me laid more than once.

Anyhow, hi to the thread. *hugs*
you may remember me from 2008 or 2009. I left for a while. I'm now sporadically back. I tumble here.

User avatar
poxic
Eloquently Prismatic
Posts: 4751
Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2008 3:28 am UTC
Location: Left coast of Canada

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby poxic » Sun Apr 26, 2009 12:14 am UTC

*hugs to Delalyra*

I'm still getting used to the idea of considering myself queer. I feel like I don't deserve the word, since I'm "merely" asexual and possibly non-gendered. On the other hand, I much prefer to think of myself as "normal for someone who's slightly queer", rather than "would be normal if I weren't broken".

One day I might even wander down to the local GLBTAetc office, or join the asexy folks when they march in Pride this year. We'll see if I'm still a bit twitchy around the idea of "outing" myself that way. :?
In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
- Albert Schweitzer, philosopher, physician, musician, Nobel laureate (14 Jan 1875-1965)

User avatar
StrengthInFaith
Posts: 76
Joined: Tue Feb 03, 2009 3:21 am UTC
Location: United States

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby StrengthInFaith » Sun Apr 26, 2009 6:31 pm UTC

I know how you feel, poxic. It still feels a bit strange to refer to myself as transgender, and possibly asexual. Still working some things out. But it's good to know there are friends here on the fora. *Hugs*

Osha
Posts: 727
Joined: Wed Dec 03, 2008 3:24 am UTC
Location: Boise, Idaho, USA

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby Osha » Sun Apr 26, 2009 8:31 pm UTC

StrengthInFaith wrote:I know how you feel, poxic. It still feels a bit strange to refer to myself as transgender, and possibly asexual. Still working some things out. But it's good to know there are friends here on the fora. *Hugs*

Yeah, it took me months to be comfortable thinking of myself as a woman, now I'm pretty comfortable from extensive counselling and talking online, though I'm sure I'll always have some issues.
Sexuality wise, It was just as hard starting to think of myself as a lesbian when it up and changed on hormones to probably straight, maybe bi, and very confused. :? So don't get too attached to being asexual, there's a small chance you'll be surprised!

And just don't get discouraged! In no time at all it will all be a lot less strange!

User avatar
Shivahn
Posts: 2200
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2009 6:17 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby Shivahn » Mon Apr 27, 2009 2:04 am UTC

I know I'm a little late, but I just found this thread. I have trouble expressing myself clearly sometimes, so it's often easier to kind of base what I say off of what others have said. So...
The Mighty Thesaurus wrote:I've been confused about my gender since fifth grade. Sometimes I feel entirely genderless, other times I feel rather girlish, and still other times I just want to be a physically androgynous boy. Whenever I do try to make a choice, I end up convincing myself that it is wrong, and that I was foolish for thinking it.


That is basically exactly how I feel. Though I didn't really feel my gender was off until recently (Last December...I'm in my third year of university). At that time I was convinced that I was transgendered about as much as possible without actually wanting surgery. I shift a lot though, and sometimes I feel like there's no dissonance (and I can't tell if this means that I'm cisgendered or genderless, or something else entirely).

I dislike the pronoun used for my sex, but feel awkward using the other. To be honest, I almost feel like I don't deserve it, like I'm disrespecting the people who are transsexuals by doing what they're doing without having the severity of feelings that they do. I feel like someone pretending to be special like others, so that I'm unique. I worry that I'm somehow denigrating their experiences by imitation, and I often phrase my speech (online, anyway) to avoid pronoun use where I'm the referent altogether.

I guess... I don't know what I am, and it hurts. It hurts a lot. Just as Thesaurus, I can't see what I am and am always afraid that what I think is wrong, and I'm just being stupid. If I'm feeling particularly off one day, I'll convince myself that I'm just trying to be special and faking it to myself (a sort of placebo effect, or something). When I'm feeling less off-gendered, I'll beat myself up for ever having thought I was anything else, and try to convince myself that I'm just a cisgendered pretender. Which of course makes me feel like a terrible liar, denigrating the experiences of others. What's worse is that when I'm feeling non-off, I don't get the sense that I'm entirely lying, but I can't even be sure if that's real or if that's just me subconsciously trying to reinforce the notion that I'm not transgendered at all, and just whiney for attention. But then I doubt my doubt - it seems like that may just be my paranoia about hypochondria doing an ironic reversal by imagining a condition out of existence.

The doubt is terrible - I'm afraid that all my memories are tainted irreparably by what I "wanted" to see. I know back when I first realized that I might not be cisgendered, it was because I couldn't get to sleep because I was up crying over my sex. I felt like I'd grown up wrong, like the other experience would have been so much... happier. Better. I can't really describe why, I just wished everything had been different. But now that I'm not feeling as transgendered, I wonder if maybe it was all psychosomatic, and I was just making it up? I guess the return of tears I'm getting now indicates otherwise, but what if I'm wrong? What if I really just have no idea how I work, or they're some defense mechanism to stop me from getting too much cognitive dissonance? I know I can never be sure of things like this, but I want to be sure. I wish I knew what I was, if for no other reason than that not knowing is a painful experience.

I.. I only intended to write a few lines. Sorry, I didn't mean to write an essay, but I kind of got going and couldn't stop. I'm kind of having an identity crisis, so it's kind of been a big issue for me recently, and it's hard to stop writing about once I get started.

User avatar
DJorgensen
Posts: 1503
Joined: Tue Feb 19, 2008 9:24 pm UTC
Location: A small reality, fractured from this one.
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby DJorgensen » Mon Apr 27, 2009 2:27 am UTC

Shivahn wrote:I know I'm a little late, but I just found this thread. I have trouble expressing myself clearly sometimes, so it's often easier to kind of base what I say off of what others have said. So...
The Mighty Thesaurus wrote:I've been confused about my gender since fifth grade. Sometimes I feel entirely genderless, other times I feel rather girlish, and still other times I just want to be a physically androgynous boy. Whenever I do try to make a choice, I end up convincing myself that it is wrong, and that I was foolish for thinking it.

[snip]

*hug*
That's normal. I mean at least normal in the sense of someone who is really questioning it and unsure.
Again, the best advice that I can give is to do what makes you happy. Don't worry about your gender just go out and be you. Try some new things that you are interested in (regardless of if they are male or female) and just explore what you like and what you want.
Even now as I am, I am really unsure about surgery, or even that I've made the right choice. But so long as I continue to be happier here I am going to keep going for it. :)

If any of you questioning people want to talk, by all means you can pm me or add me to msn. I may not always be around, but I do make an effort to be there and to help.
trap: a device in which something (usually an animal) can be caught and penned.

User avatar
the-graverobber
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Mar 13, 2009 2:17 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby the-graverobber » Mon Apr 27, 2009 3:09 am UTC

Hello, XKCD Fora. I come humbly asking for advice and support. Please? It's very new, scary ground for me.

My best friend of two years, henceforth referred to as "V", came out as transgender F-T-M this...September?
I love him dearly and I've tried really, really hard to be super supportive and cool with it all. I live, fight, and die for this boy.

But I SUCK at being supportive because I have extreme daddy issues that I won't go into here. He's all masculine and tough and it's unnerving because I feel....threatened by him now, almost. Just like how my father scares me.

This breaks my heart. Really it does. I probably sound like a jerk, but he's the best friend I have in this world and I can't open up to him anymore. There's this huge... roadblock between V and I. I'm not even sure if I fit into his life anymore, he's acting like such a different person. I'm so confused about what to do and how to reconcile all this. V's my boy. I don't wanna let this ruin our friendship. It shouldn't. A body is just another accessory. Another form of self expression. This is no different than him changing his shirt.

Right?

*begins to repeat last lines as a mantra of sorts*
avvie thanks to tiniwiel of the Repo! Boards

User avatar
StrengthInFaith
Posts: 76
Joined: Tue Feb 03, 2009 3:21 am UTC
Location: United States

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby StrengthInFaith » Mon Apr 27, 2009 3:19 am UTC

Hi the-graverobber.

I would talk to V and tell him exactly how you're feeling. This should be okay if you are close friends: just an open, honest discussion about the turn your friendship has taken. I'm sure he'll understand how you feel and where you're coming from. Many kudos for being so supportive :) I'm sure it's meant the world to him! I hope everything turns out great.

User avatar
TheSkyMovesSideways
Posts: 589
Joined: Thu Oct 02, 2008 8:36 am UTC
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby TheSkyMovesSideways » Mon Apr 27, 2009 3:55 am UTC

happy-go-lucky wrote:"Civil Partnerships" annoy the hell you of me, I can't see why they can't be called marriages. I hate the argument "it's just a word," too. If it's just a word, then let us use it! (I live in England.)

Does anyone else actually like the idea of a separate word?

What if there was a type of "civil union", separate from marriage but equal in terms of rights, which was available to anyone, heterosexual or otherwise, couple or more*? It's conceivable that this sort of non-discriminatory union could come into mainstream use and actually displace marriage as the norm. I for one think that the effect this would have on the church would be hilarious. :D

*I'm thinking of Heinlein's "group marriage" from Time Enough For Love.
Last edited by TheSkyMovesSideways on Mon Apr 27, 2009 4:16 am UTC, edited 2 times in total.
I had all kinds of plans in case of a zombie attack.
I just figured I'd be on the other side.
~ASW

User avatar
DJorgensen
Posts: 1503
Joined: Tue Feb 19, 2008 9:24 pm UTC
Location: A small reality, fractured from this one.
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby DJorgensen » Mon Apr 27, 2009 4:01 am UTC

Talking to him is certainly the best course. It's also not overly uncommon for transfolk that just came out to hmmm 'overdo' things and overcompensate to try to distance themselves from the life they felt that they were living prior to being out. Sometimes its really just hard for them to realize it, but with time many of them will find their happy medium.
While you may be somewhat correct in that a person's body is a form of self expression, a person's identity runs much deeper than that. Being transgendered is both psychological and physical. We end up changing ourselves physically to meet that image of what are brain adamantly believes that we are, but we also need to sort out years and years of issues from contending with the fact that we lived in the incorrect gender for so many years. Anyway, I wish you all the luck. It sucks to lose a friend - lets just hope that's not the case here.
Last edited by DJorgensen on Mon Apr 27, 2009 4:58 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
trap: a device in which something (usually an animal) can be caught and penned.

Carnildo
Posts: 2023
Joined: Fri Jul 18, 2008 8:43 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby Carnildo » Mon Apr 27, 2009 4:40 am UTC

TheSkyMovesSideways wrote:
happy-go-lucky wrote:"Civil Partnerships" annoy the hell you of me, I can't see why they can't be called marriages. I hate the argument "it's just a word," too. If it's just a word, then let us use it! (I live in England.)

Does anyone else actually like the idea of a separate word?

What if there was a type of "civil union", separate from marriage but equal in terms of rights, which was available to anyone, heterosexual or otherwise, couple or more*? It's conceivable that this sort of non-discriminatory union could come into mainstream use and actually displace marriage as the norm. I for one think that the effect this would have on the church would be hilarious. :D


I've always favored that sort of system. A "civil union" is a standardized contract between two or more adults, registered with the government, that provides certain rights and responsibilities. "Marriage" is something you do in a church.

User avatar
Zohar
COMMANDER PORN
Posts: 8515
Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2007 8:45 pm UTC
Location: Denver

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby Zohar » Mon Apr 27, 2009 5:15 am UTC

I'm a very lucky person to have such a supportive family that accepted me without any questions, but lately I've met two other gay guys that have had problems.

The first told both his parents and while his dad was semi-OK with it, his mom got so upset that he didn't want to stay in the house for quite some time (and is still constantly looking for other places to be at). The second only told his mother and she's really freaked out about it - she's trying to find blame, trying to see what went wrong, she absolutely forbids the guy to tell his dad because she's sure the father will either get a heart attack or want a divorce. While they talk, it's mostly because the mother wants to keep the secret away from the dad and make things seem normal.

I have two questions regarding this:
1. I know I probably can't help much or offer them very good advice, but can you think of anything in particular that could help?
2. I'm a bit speechless when they tell me about it. What do you think is the best way to respond to it? I can say "yeah that sucks" but after a while I'm not sure how sincere it sounds. I don't know what else to say, though.
Mighty Jalapeno: "See, Zohar agrees, and he's nice to people."
SecondTalon: "Still better looking than Jesus."

Not how I say my name

User avatar
michaelandjimi
Isn't Even Playing
Posts: 2353
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 8:21 am UTC
Location: Citizen of the World
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby michaelandjimi » Mon Apr 27, 2009 9:25 am UTC

Carnildo wrote:
TheSkyMovesSideways wrote:
happy-go-lucky wrote:"Civil Partnerships" annoy the hell you of me, I can't see why they can't be called marriages. I hate the argument "it's just a word," too. If it's just a word, then let us use it! (I live in England.)

Does anyone else actually like the idea of a separate word?

What if there was a type of "civil union", separate from marriage but equal in terms of rights, which was available to anyone, heterosexual or otherwise, couple or more*? It's conceivable that this sort of non-discriminatory union could come into mainstream use and actually displace marriage as the norm. I for one think that the effect this would have on the church would be hilarious. :D
I've always favored that sort of system. A "civil union" is a standardized contract between two or more adults, registered with the government, that provides certain rights and responsibilities. "Marriage" is something you do in a church.
I know it's always mentioned, but try and envisage it this way:

Imagine it's pre-1956. There are two parts of the bus. One for black people, one for white people. The white people, given they aren't a minority, can wander up into the black section of the bus with little-to-no repercussions. The black people, though, aren't allowed in the white section of the bus. Now, I have two questions:

1) Is that really reasonable?
2) Do you really think that many white people at all would venture up into the black section of the bus, especially when there is immense societal pressure to conform?

Now. I don't speak for this thread. I made it, but it's not my decision what goes on in here. Do the people in this thread wish to occasionally entertain talk and perhaps debate on gay marriage? This is a SAFESPACE and should it feel threatening or painful to any one of you, it ought to stop.

In other news - trying to work out my orientation. On the Kinsey Scale, I'm definitely not a 0. I am definitely attracted to the ladyfolk, so I'm not greater than a 3. I'll try and narrow it down s'more.
Whelan wrote:Relax, have a good time, and hope for the bees ;)

User avatar
Hyphe
Posts: 577
Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2009 6:55 pm UTC
Location: South of the river

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby Hyphe » Mon Apr 27, 2009 9:38 am UTC

Edit: the peeps have spoken. No arguing here. :3
Last edited by Hyphe on Mon Apr 27, 2009 3:13 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
ParanoidAndroid
Posts: 1198
Joined: Sat Jul 12, 2008 5:15 pm UTC
Location: Virginia
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread

Postby ParanoidAndroid » Mon Apr 27, 2009 10:38 am UTC

michaelandjimi wrote:In other news - trying to work out my orientation. On the Kinsey Scale, I'm definitely not a 0. I am definitely attracted to the ladyfolk, so I'm not greater than a 3. I'll try and narrow it down s'more.

Same here, mostly. We muddle-headed university students have to stick together, after all. I tried to pin it down, decided "No no no, that's not entirely accurate," and eventually just gave up on any sort of label for the time being.

User avatar
natraj
Posts: 1895
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2007 10:13 pm UTC
Location: away from Omelas

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby natraj » Mon Apr 27, 2009 1:24 pm UTC

I can only speak for myself and not other people, and since the debate is already going on it seems like other people want to debate it, but I personally so very much do not want this thread turning into yet another debate on gay marriage. So Very Much.

@the-graverobber: I will ditto the other good advice here to talk to him honestly! It sounds like you guys are really close and I am sure he would appreciate knowing the things that are on your mind before it becomes an impassible issue.
You want to know the future, love? Then wait:
I'll answer your impatient questions. Still --
They'll call it chance, or luck, or call it Fate,
The cards and stars that tumble as they will.

pronouns: they or he

The Mighty Thesaurus
In your library, eating your students
Posts: 4399
Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 7:47 am UTC
Location: The Daily Bugle

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby The Mighty Thesaurus » Mon Apr 27, 2009 2:07 pm UTC

Surely there are other, more appropriate places to talk about gay marriage.
LE4dGOLEM wrote:your ability to tell things from things remains one of your skills.
Weeks wrote:Not only can you tell things from things, you can recognize when a thing is a thing

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

User avatar
Delalyra
Posts: 1812
Joined: Fri Aug 31, 2007 12:39 am UTC
Location: Western Mass
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Delalyra » Mon Apr 27, 2009 3:11 pm UTC

Safespaces are not appropriate for debate.
you may remember me from 2008 or 2009. I left for a while. I'm now sporadically back. I tumble here.

User avatar
StrengthInFaith
Posts: 76
Joined: Tue Feb 03, 2009 3:21 am UTC
Location: United States

Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby StrengthInFaith » Mon Apr 27, 2009 3:30 pm UTC

There's also a thread for the discussion of gay marriage in Serious Business. Here's the link: A link be this. There haven't been any posts in it since December 2008, however, so it might be a bit of a necro.


Return to “General”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 29 guests