[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Delalyra » Thu Aug 13, 2009 12:21 pm UTC

*cheers Osha on*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Osha » Thu Aug 13, 2009 3:52 pm UTC

Yay, thanks everyone! :3

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Thu Aug 13, 2009 3:57 pm UTC

Yes, go Osha! Good luck!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Virtual_Aardvark » Thu Aug 13, 2009 5:10 pm UTC

I am doing the "Hooray Osha! dance" It's very encouraging.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Thu Aug 13, 2009 5:11 pm UTC

Dances are awesome :)
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Advice needed

Postby Anonymous Coward » Tue Aug 18, 2009 5:02 am UTC

First, a bit about myself: I'm male, late 20s, never been in a serious relationship, and would describe myself as "straight".

Over the weekend, I met an online friend I hadn't seen in a few years, and found him highly attractive.

Here's where it gets complicated: he's a pre-op, pre-hormones FtM transsexual. He's got a generally androgynous appearance, and usually has no trouble passing as a male. How do I tell if I'm attracted to him as a girl, or to him as a guy, or to him as himself, or simply attracted to the idea of being attracted to him?

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Tue Aug 18, 2009 5:08 am UTC

No idea. Maybe just go with it and see what develops. You might have a better idea after a while. Or not -- maybe it'll just stay cloudy and confusing. Stuff can happen like that. :wink:

Mostly, just don't overthink it. Be respectful of your friend and yourself and you really can't go wrong.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Tue Aug 18, 2009 5:11 am UTC

I agree with poxic. If you like them and are attracted to them, it doesn't matter too much what part of them you're attracted to, I think. Just be understanding and take it easy.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Virtual_Aardvark » Tue Aug 18, 2009 5:26 am UTC

I've dated two non-cisgendered people. I've learned that when first starting a relationship it's a good idea to take things slow sexually until you can figure out what you're attracted to and what you're not. It's also very important to be honest about the fact that you don't fully understand your feelings at this point. That way if you discover that your attraction doesn't fit his personal view of himself he may be more prepared when you tell him.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Osha » Tue Aug 18, 2009 6:41 am UTC

So uh, update on work stuff in ranty blogy form:
Spoiler:
So, I'm presenting as a woman at work now... and things went surprisingly well.
Most of my coworkers seemed supportive, or at least accepting that this was something that just happens and not my fault or anything. One coworker said something like "well I for one am happy to have another girl on the crew because as you can see, there are a lot of guys here" :3
'Course there was another coworker (who we shall call Richard) whose creepy levels were off the scale. I haven't seen him forevever as he works only morning shifts, and he's quitting in a week, so I have no idea why he came to this meeting. Passing him in the hallway he didn't say anything and just kinda *stared* at my breasts (well... my bra stuffed with a shirt <.<). But I don't have to work with him and everyone else thinks he's creepy too!

So overall my mood is: *hops like a bunny left and right; eats a pancake; hops up and down like a happy bunny*

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Tue Aug 18, 2009 6:48 am UTC

Oh Osha that's awesome! I'm so happy for you, it's wonderful you work in such a supportive place! And yeah, there will be assholes anywhere you go, so just try and ignore him. I want a pancake too!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Plasmic-Turtle » Tue Aug 18, 2009 7:14 am UTC

Mmmm, pancakes with maple syrup....

Anyways Osha that is so great! I'd been wondering how it went, it's Tuesday evening for me and I wasn't sure when the end of your Monday was...

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Tue Aug 18, 2009 12:11 pm UTC

That's awesome osha!! :D

Re: liking/dating trans people.
Be open, and be willing to talk. Is he even interested?
It's hard to give you advice, as everyone is different. But, again, the best path to take is one of communication. Because, if you talk, you'll get a better sense of what he wants, and what you want.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Delalyra » Tue Aug 18, 2009 12:37 pm UTC

Yaaaaaaay for Osha!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wednesday » Tue Aug 18, 2009 3:33 pm UTC

Ahh Osha! That's fantastic. I'm so glad it's going well for you.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Tue Aug 18, 2009 3:55 pm UTC

That's pretty awesome Osha.

I should also let you know that you have the best "overall mood" descriptions ever.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Flagpole Sitta » Tue Aug 18, 2009 9:52 pm UTC

yay, Osha!

I have some good news too! I managed to approach a cute girl at a store and ask her for her phone number! This is the first time I've approached a stranger in an attempt to get a date. My friend insisted that she was flirting with me, but I'm not so sure. All I know is that she's extraordinarily cute! I'm planning on calling her tonight, but I'm very nervous. =3

On a related, but much nerdier note, I'm planning on having my roleplay character come out to the rest of the group next game, and by extension have me come out as well. I hope it goes well, I like this group and would hate to have to find a new one.
Last edited by Flagpole Sitta on Tue Aug 18, 2009 11:36 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Tue Aug 18, 2009 9:53 pm UTC

Good luck, Fps! :D
I hope it goes well with both the girl and the group :)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Flagpole Sitta » Tue Aug 18, 2009 11:46 pm UTC

Thanks, Jessica! You've been very kind to me! :D
Poxic is, like, awesome. She's my favorite.

Kapojinha is pretty awesome too. <3

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Wed Aug 19, 2009 12:01 am UTC

it's what I do ;)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Delalyra » Mon Aug 24, 2009 10:02 pm UTC

Why no, no I am not totally crushing on my straight roommate. No I am not.

Anyone else ever worry about being pegged with stereotypes? Or, hell, most of you probably have been pegged with stereotypes before. My roommates haven't yet, but I'm kind of waiting for someone to get all "you're bi and in the same room as me, stop ogling me and the rest of our floor, you horny indecisive person!"
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Mon Aug 24, 2009 11:16 pm UTC

Delalyra wrote:you horny indecisive person!


For some reason, the way you put that makes me giggle.

As for the rest of your post, I'm not as terrified of being stereotyped as I am of being dismissed. I haven't posted in this thread recently, so I guess I'll give a brief update.

I believe that I am both bigendered and genderfluid. There are a couple of distinct points on the gender spectrum where I tend to hang out. I will move between them, however, and sometimes around in other directions a bit (I've even felt agendered, which was kind of disturbing at the time). Since it flows around, I'm genderfluid. Since there are two points where I usually am, I consider myself bigendered.

Those are both pretty rare, in terms of identity. Which means that not many people know about the existence of people like that. There aren't any stereotypes I can think of that truly belong to either category. The most likely stereotypes to be applied to me are probably general transgendered ones or transsexual ones, because those are the easiest categories to be shunted into.

I do, however, have a fear of being dismissed. So many people don't understand that sex and gender identity are different, and even fewer people understand that they aren't necessarily fixed. The words I'm most afraid of hearing when I tell someone are along the lines of "you're just imagining it". Or even outright "that's impossible". It's easy to dismiss something alien, and I'm terrified of people dismissing me. I've actually never been dismissed, but of the people who I know in real life, only three know that I'm not gendered in a typical manner. And online I tend to only frequent places with people who seem to understand what should be axiomatic, that some people are different and you can't know anyone else's raw experience better than them.

So, in short, the only stereotype I'm afraid of is that I'm crazy, deluded, and childish, though I am more afraid of that because it is an act of dismissal than a stereotype.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Flagpole Sitta » Tue Aug 25, 2009 6:01 am UTC

I hate the stereotype that queers are unilaterally attracted to people of the same gender. I know that my roommate from that half a semester of college that I made it through prescribed to that stereotype, and it's a not insignificant part of the reason my first try at college was such a fiasco. :/

She couldn't even say anything to my face about her issues with me. There was nothing so decent as a "Hey, you make me uncomfortable, let's talk about it." Oh no! She had to avoid me, and spread rumors about me, and make ~comments~ to any female friend I had over, and talk smack about me while I was right there and could easily hear her.

What? Me, bitter? Never!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Plasmic-Turtle » Tue Aug 25, 2009 7:33 am UTC

Delalyra wrote:My roommates haven't yet, but I'm kind of waiting for someone to get all "you're bi and in the same room as me, stop ogling me and the rest of our floor, you horny indecisive person!"

Haha yeh, somehow a friend and I ended up talking about bisexuality (very briefly) after a night out on the town a month or two ago and she came out with the "bi's being indecisive and just wanting sex with everyone" stereotype! I'm not entirely sure how much she actually believes it, but figured that seeing as we were sharing a bed that night it probably wasn't a good idea to mention that I'm not sure I'm 100% hetero... :lol:
Think I might have drunkenly mentioned it to her since, perhaps that's why she's been more distant lately. Or maybe she just doesn't really like me. Who knows!
I really don't know if I'm bi or not, at a casual group gathering on the weekend, the person I found most physically attractive by far was another girl, but I'm not sure how keen I was on her personality - the personality I found by far the most attractive belonged to a guy. And personality has a huge influence on how attractive I find someone as a whole. I really don't care right now, whether I'm lesbian/bi/straight/single/taken... meh. I'm just going to live and end up wherever I end up.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Tue Aug 25, 2009 12:18 pm UTC

FlagPoleSitta wrote:I hate the stereotype that queers are unilaterally attracted to people of the same gender. I know that my roommate from that half a semester of college that I made it through prescribed to that stereotype, and it's a not insignificant part of the reason my first try at college was such a fiasco. :/

She couldn't even say anything to my face about her issues with me. There was nothing so decent as a "Hey, you make me uncomfortable, let's talk about it." Oh no! She had to avoid me, and spread rumors about me, and make ~comments~ to any female friend I had over, and talk smack about me while I was right there and could easily hear her.

What? Me, bitter? Never!
Totally agree. I've had friends become distant because I was gay. It's never fun. Like seeing how they'll hug their straight friends but not their gay/bi friends. Or... how they just don't get it...

So much hate!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Flagpole Sitta » Tue Aug 25, 2009 5:18 pm UTC

Jessica wrote:Totally agree. I've had friends become distant because I was gay. It's never fun. Like seeing how they'll hug their straight friends but not their gay/bi friends. Or... how they just don't get it...

So much hate!


Yeah. People like that upset me so much. For the most part I've been pretty lucky, though, in that almost all of my friends are comfortable enough in their femininity that they will hug me and such. (And let me ostentatiously hit on them. :P ) Which is good, because I'm a cuddle-bug. :D
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aetius » Tue Aug 25, 2009 6:01 pm UTC

Delalyra wrote:Why no, no I am not totally crushing on my straight roommate. No I am not.

Anyone else ever worry about being pegged with stereotypes? Or, hell, most of you probably have been pegged with stereotypes before. My roommates haven't yet, but I'm kind of waiting for someone to get all "you're bi and in the same room as me, stop ogling me and the rest of our floor, you horny indecisive person!"


I wouldn't worry about it. My roommate freshman year was gay and it posed zero issue for me or anyone else in the suite (six other guys including an orthodox Jew and an observant Catholic). The only time it really came up was when an older gay man was pestering my roommate with highly unwanted advances and I had to take him aside and tell him to back off (which quite frankly was not something I ever thought I'd have to do).

You're in college, chances are your roommate is way too self absorbed to care what you're thinking anyway.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Osha » Tue Aug 25, 2009 7:07 pm UTC

Delalyra wrote:Why no, no I am not totally crushing on my straight roommate. No I am not.

Anyone else ever worry about being pegged with stereotypes? Or, hell, most of you probably have been pegged with stereotypes before. My roommates haven't yet, but I'm kind of waiting for someone to get all "you're bi and in the same room as me, stop ogling me and the rest of our floor, you horny indecisive person!"


I worry about being pegged with stereotypes a lot.
If I put on too much makeup (in a futile attempt to cover my beard hair, which needs to grow for 3 days before getting zapped) will that be a stereotype?
If I don't put on enough makeup I'll look more mannish and will that be a stereotype too?
If I dress or talk or act too feminine, will I be seen as flamboyant (for lack of a better word), or "reinforcing the gender binary", or accused of being misogynistic for that matter?
If I do stuff that's stereotypically thought of as masculine (computer programming, video-gaming, being on the internet, eating large quantities of steak) will I be seen as really a man?
How many more times will I hear the phrase "woman trapped in a mans body"?
Will people judge me on my fake breast size? (hey, I didn't get precise measurements but it was cheap!)

In the end I think that if someone's going to stereotype you then they'll stereotype you no matter what you do. Knowing this doesn't keep me from worrying though.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby podbaydoor » Tue Aug 25, 2009 8:42 pm UTC

@FlagPoleSitta - that describes my first college experience too, only it wasn't because I was bi/lesbian, it was because I was messy, anti-social, and blunt to a fault.

College kids tend to be passive-aggressive bitches about anything.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby H.E.L.e.N. » Wed Aug 26, 2009 2:13 pm UTC

...doesn't change how this is a specific issue that multiple posters have dealt with/are concerned about.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wednesday » Wed Aug 26, 2009 2:22 pm UTC

Bleh, stereotypes. I recently chopped off most of my hair, and look...still very feminine, in my opinion.
What does bother me immensely, are the comments I get about being a "dyke" or something along those lines from those who know I enjoy the company of ladyfriends. I'm fairly tomboyish, yeah, but seriously, I know I look like a girl most of the time. It's rude. Stop. Grawaaarwrararwr.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Wed Aug 26, 2009 2:32 pm UTC

If I'm doing that, I'll stop. I've really picked up the slang a bit, and I don't see Dyke (from one queer woman to another queer woman) as a bad thing. It just is. It's kind of a compliment in my opinion.

But, if I'm doing it, I'll stop.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wednesday » Wed Aug 26, 2009 2:33 pm UTC

I've only been called it in the derogatory sense, and being in highschool and all, that's really all the meaning it carries for me and much of my age group. It isn't you, Jessica, so you don't have much to worry about when talking to me. Can't speak for anyone else though.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Wed Aug 26, 2009 2:35 pm UTC

Ah, yeah. If it's a derogatory sense then Booooo!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby semicharmed » Wed Aug 26, 2009 3:17 pm UTC

FlagPoleSitta wrote:I hate the stereotype that queers are unilaterally attracted to people of the same gender. I know that my roommate from that half a semester of college that I made it through prescribed to that stereotype, and it's a not insignificant part of the reason my first try at college was such a fiasco. :/


I'm always baffled by people like that, too. One of my really good friends from my freshman year, who I lived with for the next three years, was gay. And on more than one occasion, I was asked by more or less mutual acquaintances about "how it felt to live with a [voice drops] lesbian?". Of course, this was always when she wasn't around... and it seemed like the predominantly male askers were always disappointed when I didn't answer that I constantly had to fend her off with a stick, since she was always trying to get in my pants.
Just because she was gay, didn't mean she was attracted to every woman she saw ever. Just like you, sir, are not attracted to every woman ever — or maybe you are, but that's a whole 'nother issue. Her being gay had no bearing on how we lived together as roommates — the fact that she liked the shower to be a whole hell of a lot cleaner than I did was much more important.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Wed Aug 26, 2009 3:19 pm UTC

Oh man, I hate the dropped voice. I find it hilarious that people still do it, and sad at the reason that they do it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby diotimajsh » Wed Aug 26, 2009 8:20 pm UTC

Osha wrote:I worry about being pegged with stereotypes a lot.
If I put on too much makeup (in a futile attempt to cover my beard hair, which needs to grow for 3 days before getting zapped) will that be a stereotype?
If I don't put on enough makeup I'll look more mannish and will that be a stereotype too?
If I dress or talk or act too feminine, will I be seen as flamboyant (for lack of a better word), or "reinforcing the gender binary", or accused of being misogynistic for that matter?
If I do stuff that's stereotypically thought of as masculine (computer programming, video-gaming, being on the internet, eating large quantities of steak) will I be seen as really a man?
How many more times will I hear the phrase "woman trapped in a mans body"?
Will people judge me on my fake breast size? (hey, I didn't get precise measurements but it was cheap!)
It totally sucks, but yes, transfolk can get criticized for going either way. In addition to what you said, adhering rigidly to a preferred gender role might be interpreted as "trying too hard" even if the transperson just happens to be that way naturally. But deviating from that will either make people ask, "So.... why did you want to be seen as a girl if you're just going to act like a guy?" (with the appropriate roles switched for FtM), or dismissed as inept at portraying their preferred gender. I've even seen these kinds of responses from other transgendered individuals (on a trans message board I used to lurk at), complaining when they've seen/encountered some other transwoman who "makes the rest of us look bad", whether through being excessively girly or insufficiently feminine.

For CIS women, it was just this kind of double bind in the work force not too long ago: dressing too femininely or masculinely could be grounds for rebuke (or even dismissal. In some early legal cases, firing for this reason was genuinely held up in court.). Might still be this way to some degree too, I don't know; after all, female politicians can still receive that same negative commentary, regardless of which extreme they're closest too (masculine or feminine), though maybe today it doesn't ostensibly affect their treatment in practical matters.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ASmileWithoutACat » Sat Aug 29, 2009 4:20 pm UTC

Been lurking around here for a while; I suppose I might as well speak...

Spoiler:
Yeah, so I'm... I don't know. Bi, I guess, or maybe pan, according to some of the definitions above... Anyway, finally just accepted in the past year or two that yeah, given the taste I have for guys in my porn (and how distracting the local joggers are- the one advantage of going to a sports-focused uni that I've noticed so far), telling myself I'm absolutely straight is... a bit of a stretch. Straight-leaning, maybe, but definitely not 100%. I do, however, pretend to be for pretty much everyone; given that I'm in a scary-conservative area, and that I think it would cause all sorts of tension with my family &c. that I don't need right now, I'm wimping out for now. The fact that (I think) I come off as pretty completely disinterested in the whole subject helps- I'm good at doing that: I really wasn't interested until probably junior year of high school, or later, and being painfully shy and having the whole "polite people don't talk about such things" idea drilled into my head as a kid don't hurt. (Hooray conservative religious fundies: Screwing people up for centuries! :roll: )

Just been thinking about it lately because I kind of realized over the summer that I accidentally developed a bit of a crush on one of the guys in my D&D group... who I'm almost sure is straight, except maybe when he's drunk. When he's drunk (or when he was) we got on very well. And he decided (for whatever reason) to sit on my lap for a bit... Didn't mean much to him, I think, but it was one of those "Oh. Hmm. This is nice." moments for me. Then he left for summer a few months after that, so my brain decided to fantasize about the guy who wasn't there, and of course add all sorts of lovely qualities that I'm pretty sure, for the most part, he doesn't possess... and now we're starting again and I'll be spending 4-5 hours or so in close proximity once a week...

And I've just realized how little coming out is an option; I love the local geeks I hang out with, but I just occasionally have the urge to kick several of them and yell "Grow up!" The odd gay joke or so on I... well, I mind, but I'm far too quiet to make an issue of. But then somebody in a conversation between two or three friends comes up with (I forget the exact context) a gem like, "Well, I can accept somebody choosing to be gay, but I can't really approve of them." And I think to myself, Oh. Right. Act straight act straight act straight. Hey, there's a girl; ogle a bit. Quit looking at him. No, I know he's cute. Just not right now, okay?. Yeah, I'm spineless.

And then I worry about whether I'm really actually all that interested in guys, just because my taste runs (physically) to more... sterotypically effeminate guys, I guess? I mean, I really dislike facial hair, and despise muscular guys (or just the ones who look like they want you to focus on that... Hooray for frat boys. Blah.), and just can't see the appeal of... well, pretty much any of the standard "manly" bullshit. Yes, I like me some yaoi... ><


Wow, that turned into a long rant that I didn't mean to really make, but then my posts usually do. Spoiler'd; tl,dr: Meh. I don't feel like summarizing. Screw you, go read it if you care.

Oh, yeah. I actually was thinking about something on topic...
FlagPoleSitta wrote:I hate the stereotype that queers are unilaterally attracted to people of the same gender. I know that my roommate from that half a semester of college that I made it through prescribed to that stereotype, and it's a not insignificant part of the reason my first try at college was such a fiasco. :/

This idea really mystifies me. The friend who made the comment in my spoiler, I'm pretty sure, subscribes to this stereotype... One reason I've really reconsidered rooming with him. I mean, I love his place and he's a nice enough guy, but really, his habit of "I just want to say this to make clear that I am straight. And not gay. Just in case you were getting ideas. Which you shouldn't be. Because it would be wrong. And eeeevil." grates on my nerves after a while. I just want to say, on occasion, "Look, you can stop making jokes to scare off teh gay now. Nobody's interested in you that way. Really." (And I mean nobody; I like him despite all his prickly-assholishness, but I do not understand how his exes put up with him for any length of time.) I know a few others with similar attitudes, but he's the worst.

I think it's that attitude in particular that puzzles me; guys (I don't know if girls are the same way, honestly) who aren't attractive, and know it, but still think somebody being gay would automatically cause them to be attracted. Seriously, this... just... baffles me. Why do people seem to believe that "Oh, well, you're gay; therefore you must have no standards whatever."? I mean, most straight people don't, as far as I know, find everyone of the opposite sex irresistible... what is it that implies same-sex attraction is any different?
You know it's all beginning
To feel like pretending...

Happy yesterday to all!

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ParanoidAndroid
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ParanoidAndroid » Sun Aug 30, 2009 10:18 pm UTC

ASmileWithoutACat wrote:Yeah, so I'm... I don't know. Bi, I guess, or maybe pan, according to some of the definitions above... Anyway, finally just accepted in the past year or two that yeah, given the taste I have for guys in my porn (and how distracting the local joggers are- the one advantage of going to a sports-focused uni that I've noticed so far), telling myself I'm absolutely straight is... a bit of a stretch. Straight-leaning, maybe, but definitely not 100%. I do, however, pretend to be for pretty much everyone; given that I'm in a scary-conservative area, and that I think it would cause all sorts of tension with my family &c. that I don't need right now, I'm wimping out for now. The fact that (I think) I come off as pretty completely disinterested in the whole subject helps- I'm good at doing that: I really wasn't interested until probably junior year of high school, or later, and being painfully shy and having the whole "polite people don't talk about such things" idea drilled into my head as a kid don't hurt. (Hooray conservative religious fundies: Screwing people up for centuries! :roll: )

And then I worry about whether I'm really actually all that interested in guys, just because my taste runs (physically) to more... sterotypically effeminate guys, I guess? I mean, I really dislike facial hair, and despise muscular guys (or just the ones who look like they want you to focus on that... Hooray for frat boys. Blah.), and just can't see the appeal of... well, pretty much any of the standard "manly" bullshit. Yes, I like me some yaoi... ><

I'm just going to go ahead and assume that you're my long lost clone or something. No, seriously, this describes me really, really well.

At the moment, though, I don't feel comfortable self-identifying as one thing or another. If I had to put something down, I guess I'd say "ambiguous". I feel that I really can't claim anything one way or another until I have more experience (read: more than none). Every so often it really bothers me and causes me a lot of stress, but I try not to think about it and just live my life. I also kinda had (have?) a crush on a guy that I know. He felt the same way (more or less), but a thousand different factors ensured that nothing would come of it. I've talked to one of my friends about it, but for the most part I just internalize everything until I start feeling awful. I get really reclusive until I find some sort of catharsis, then rinse and repeat. Just last night, I went on a walk around midnight and wandered around campus in the dark for almost two hours trying to clear my mind. Eventually, I went home, collapsed in my bed, and fell asleep. I just wish that I could stop thinking about it completely. This kind of stuff is only a temporary fix at best.

Most of my friends would feel pretty uncomfortable about it if they knew. I know that a few of my friends would be understanding and great if I talked to them about it, but I can't. Oh yeah, did I mention that my father is a pastor? A pastor who sometimes counsels people "struggling with homosexuality"? So yeah, talking to my family about it is a one way ticket to "How to be not gay" therapy. To make things more complicated, I'm also a Christian. I've mentioned this elsewhere, but I haven't brought it into this thread, partially because I was afraid that I would get a response like, "Fuck that Bible bullshit, it's messing up your head. Go have some mansex to figure things out." So yeah, I feel like experimenting (with either sex) isn't an option as far as I'm concerned. I also firmly believe that I shouldn't pursue any sort of relationship with anyone at this time because I honestly don't believe that anyone deserves to be forced to put up with my self-centered bullshit. There are Christians who believe that modern Christians have misinterpreted parts of the Bible that speak of homosexuality as a sin, but I don't know if I can buy their reasoning. Some of it sounds good, but I'm not sure.* I've always been a doubter for tons of reasons, I suppose, and this is only making things fuzzier. Parts of my mind are telling me, "You somehow chose this and it's wrong and you are right to feel ashamed of this," "No, it's fine and you should just go with it,", and "You weren't caused to be this way or anything because you aren't this way. You're lying to yourself." Here's the thing. They ALL sound like bullshit to me. I'm sorry if that offends anyone here, but I'm being honest. I can't buy any of it. I can't buy it when people say, "Being bisexual is wrong". I can't buy it when they say, "Just go with it. It's not like you can help it."

...I'm not sure how much faith I have left in me.

*Basically, the argument is that homosexuality as we understand it wasn't understood as such back then. Any references to it referred to pagan ritualistic temple prostitution, so the prohibition was against prostitution and worshiping pagan gods, not homosexuality.**
**This is, of course, a terribly simplistic presentation of the whole argument.***
***Zampano seems to have falsified this source as well. (see pg. 137)

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Hyphe
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Hyphe » Sun Aug 30, 2009 11:20 pm UTC

There's a difference between 'being able to help it' in the sense of feeling attraction and the sense of acting on that attraction. The first isn't really an option. The second is - it's your choice. If you don't want to do it, then don't do it. No-one has a right to judge you for whatever impulses you do or do not act on.


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