[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Tue Mar 08, 2016 11:25 pm UTC

Congratulations, New Name! =D
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Echo244 » Wed Mar 09, 2016 9:17 am UTC

Indeed, yay New Name!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby CelticNot » Wed Mar 09, 2016 5:31 pm UTC

Hahahaha XD I guess I asked for that by being cagey~
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Echo244 » Wed Mar 09, 2016 6:58 pm UTC

Yay Cagey!

;-P
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Thu Mar 10, 2016 10:58 am UTC

Congrats on the new name!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby rath358 » Wed Mar 16, 2016 4:09 pm UTC

[I may have talked about this before; I can't really remember]
So, a few months ago I realized that while I really loved being on E, I'll probably want children eventually. So I started tapering off HRT (with the guidance of a great doctor). And it really sucks. Not like the acute everything is terrible that stopping cold turkey would be, but every reduction sucks a little or moderate amount.

Also, having it hanging over my head is really frustrating. I went down from the full dose in early January and won't be at nothing for another month. And 2-3 months from then until I'm done? Ugh fuck this. Doctor tells me to not look for changes but I can't help it. Feels like my hair is coming in darker, my meager chest is starting to decline, and my emotions in general are blah.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Wed Mar 16, 2016 4:17 pm UTC

I haven't had any experience with HRT but from what I hear any change is not fun to deal with.

Spoilered for unsolicited advice:
Spoiler:
I don't know your specific situation, but I've known both MTF and FTM people who had biological children. The MTF one just stopped taking hormones before she actually wanted to have children. It was hard, yes, but it was relatively constrained in time and worked well for her. I believe it was a similar experience for the FTM person I know, though I haven't discussed that with him in as much detail. Also, there's always freezing sperm as an option - get off HRT now, freeze some stuff, get back on it, and when you want to use it, you do an artificial insemination sort of thing, while you stay on your hormones.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Maelstrom. » Sun Mar 27, 2016 7:34 am UTC

A nice story appeared on the front page of the ABC (Australian) News website the other day, about gender fluid kids. I thought it was a nice story :)

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-03-23/g ... ry/7270260

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon Apr 04, 2016 4:49 pm UTC

As you know I got a baby. I'll work less and earn less. I'll have sufficient money for me and my family, but I can't keep my friends housed, fed, medicated and on hormones anymore. Some of you are poor, but some have money. If those who have excess money could donate some that would be a great relief. I collected the links to fundraisers and Paypal accounts in one post on my tumblr (already some months back, but I edit it when links or situations change): http://greenskyoverme.tumblr.com/post/1 ... ist-if-you
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby CelticNot » Tue May 24, 2016 3:02 pm UTC

One week until my next appointment with the psychologist leading my case.
One week until the approximate one year anniversary of my real life test.
One week until I find out if I can be put on the waiting list for SRS.

I'm just a little nervous. :?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Wed May 25, 2016 4:38 pm UTC

Good luck!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Wed May 25, 2016 6:08 pm UTC

Yes, good luck! Sorry you have to pull up with RLT bullshit in the first place. :|
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Echo244 » Wed May 25, 2016 7:26 pm UTC

Indeed, good luck! But just... live it, and I'm sure you'll be fine. ;-D
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby CelticNot » Tue May 31, 2016 2:55 pm UTC

The verdict: I qualify, but there's no budget for at least two years.

I was at least prepared for this possibility, so I'm coping, but man.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Echo244 » Tue May 31, 2016 3:08 pm UTC

...heck. That's... a long wait, and I worry about that "at least".
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Tue May 31, 2016 3:38 pm UTC

That really sucks. I hope at least things get clearer soon, in terms of timing.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby CelticNot » Tue May 31, 2016 8:50 pm UTC

Echo244 wrote:...heck. That's... a long wait, and I worry about that "at least".


It's more that I was warned in advance of the possibility. It seems that in Canada, GRS funding is covered by provincial governments, and the Alberta government only budgets for 25 surgeries a year. My doctor has campaigning for an increase (doubling it, preferably), but between the lousy economy and the massive hit we just took with the Fort McMurray fire, I'm not optimistic about his chances.

Since I was warned a year ago when I first asked that the line is long enough for a 1-2 year wait, I was expecting the worst.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Thu Jun 30, 2016 3:12 pm UTC

Today. Another coming out.
Colleague: "I don't know any gay people personally."
Me: "Yes, you do. Me."
Him: "But you're not completely gay."
Me: "Yes, I am. I'm bi, that's also completely gay."
Him: "Okay."
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Chen » Thu Jun 30, 2016 3:26 pm UTC

Perhaps its my ignorance speaking, but doesn't gay usually just mean homosexual? I thought being bisexual was distinct from that.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Pfhorrest » Thu Jun 30, 2016 6:02 pm UTC

Same here Chen. Though I have noticed that some people tend to treat "gay" as meaning "non-straight", but usually that seems to be people who treat straight as the only correct orientation and need a term to describe everyone outside that. (There also seems to be some ambiguity between people over whether "trans" just means "non-cis", including all nonbinary identities within it, or whether nonbinary identities are neither cis nor trans, in the way bi/pan/asexuals/etc are neither straight nor gay).


On a different topic, it strikes me that this might be a good place to ask something I was just wondering yesterday. I would like to be less hairy more often and am not really ready for big costly medical hair removal treatments or anything, but goddamn is shaving everything an enormous pain in the back and time sink. Can anyone recommend an easier, quicker way of removing body hair? I've tried a hair removal cream once before and my skin did not like it much. And I can't think of anything else besides those options myself.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Thu Jun 30, 2016 7:44 pm UTC

Waxing at a professional salon? It's an expense, but not thousands of dollars at once.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby CelticNot » Thu Jun 30, 2016 7:58 pm UTC

Pfhorrest wrote:... Though I have noticed that some people tend to treat "gay" as meaning "non-straight", but usually that seems to be people who treat straight as the only correct orientation and need a term to describe everyone outside that. ...


I had hesitated to say this earlier, but it seems to me that humans prefer dealing in binaries in general. Black and white, light and dark, good and evil, rich and poor... straight and not-straight. It's irritating, but it might be instinctive.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby eSOANEM » Thu Jun 30, 2016 10:59 pm UTC

I've not seen anyone actually use trans to exclude non-binary folks. I've heard of it, but everyone I know who's clued in enough to use the term (as opposed to various other terms which used to be more popular) is good enough to not shit on us nb folk by saying we're not trans enough.

As for gay I usually expect that to mean homosexual but, well, my datemate (who's non-binary and bi) uses it to describe themself and as a generic alternative to queer (arguably, this used to be a lot more common; many of the stonewall leaders who used the term gay don't fit most people's expectations nowadays).

Anyway, Monika clearly IDs as both gay and bi which is the important thing. Also, it's possible that the term tends to be used differently in German(y).
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Pfhorrest » Fri Jul 01, 2016 12:13 am UTC

eSOANEM wrote:I've not seen anyone actually use trans to exclude non-binary folks. I've heard of it, but everyone I know who's clued in enough to use the term (as opposed to various other terms which used to be more popular) is good enough to not shit on us nb folk by saying we're not trans enough.

I didn't mean it that way; I'm nonbinary, and I wouldn't feel comfortable calling myself "trans", for the same reason that (as a pansexual) I wouldn't call myself "gay". Not because nonbinary is "not trans enough", anymore than pansexual/bisexual/etc are "not gay enough", but just for acknowledging the nuances in my language. After all, if "gay" just meant "non-straight" and "trans" just meant "non-cis", how would I state the difference between me and someone who only wants to have sex with the same gender (and, unlike me, not the opposite or any other), or me and someone who only identifies as 100% the opposite gender they were assigned at birth (and, unlike me, not their assigned gender or anything else)? If that were the case, I'd have to say something like "I'm gay, but not gay gay" (instead of "I'm not gay, I'm pansexual"), or "I'm trans, but not trans trans" (instead of "I'm not trans, I'm pangender"), and if anything that sounds (to my ear) more exclusive of nonbinary identities and orientations.

It seems like there's an important difference between me and, e.g., someone AMAB who absolutely does not want to be identified as male and identifies entirely as female, and we need the language to differentiate that instead of just calling us both "trans", me a specific kind with its own label, and them just "you know, trans trans".
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Carlington » Fri Jul 01, 2016 12:50 am UTC

I see it almost like a kind of hyponymy, because a lot of queer people in my circles tend to refer to themselves as gay when speaking casually, as a catch-all term when the exact information isn't really required, or in joking contexts like "my gay little heart can't take it!" and similar. I don't really do it personally, but I'm very new at this and not representative of everyone.
It's not precisely hyponymy, because, for example, pansexual isn't precisely a type of gay, but it's close.
Of course, it's very useful that words other than gay and trans exist, and it's also not like I'm going to make anyone call themself gay or tell them they can't.

Also, this:
eSOANEM wrote:Anyway, Monika clearly IDs as both gay and bi which is the important thing. Also, it's possible that the term tends to be used differently in German(y).

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby thunk » Fri Jul 01, 2016 3:56 am UTC

I feel a bit unqualified to be talking about this, but there's of course the great flame wars waged between people who think some form of gender dysphoria is a necessary condition for being trans (and that implying otherwise is appropriating the term), and those who think that's exclusionary and denies the fact that gender euphoria is a thing. This also seems to be related to the asterisk debate. I lean toward the latter camp, as do most others, it seems.

Even so, it is useful to have a term--I've heard "transitioners"--to refer to people who need transition in order to have a good quality of life. Similarly, I've been in (online) contact with people who were very insistent about being "transsexual" and not "transgender"--this seems to be limited to older trans(*) folk.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Pfhorrest » Fri Jul 01, 2016 6:33 am UTC

thunk wrote:gender euphoria

Thank you for introducing me to this term.

Also for that link in your sig.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Fri Jul 01, 2016 8:13 am UTC

Pfhorrest wrote:On a different topic, it strikes me that this might be a good place to ask something I was just wondering yesterday. I would like to be less hairy more often and am not really ready for big costly medical hair removal treatments or anything, but goddamn is shaving everything an enormous pain in the back and time sink. Can anyone recommend an easier, quicker way of removing body hair? I've tried a hair removal cream once before and my skin did not like it much. And I can't think of anything else besides those options myself.


Have you tried dry shaving, using talc as a lubricant and a razor with the safety guard removed?

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Pfhorrest » Fri Jul 01, 2016 5:56 pm UTC

I have tried dry shaving, though with the safety still on the razor (unclogging it doesn't seem as time consuming to me as your link suggests others find it), and without any lubrication. It's definitely better than shaving in the shower, and it lets me do it in more comfortable places (and just vacuum up the floor under me afterward), but it's still annoyingly time-consuming.

Also thanks Zohar for the suggestion, but going to a salon every time I want to get un-hairy sounds even more time consuming than shaving, though I guess it would hurt my back less, but (never having been waxed before) I'm not sure if I wouldn't just be trading that pain for a different kind.

I'm considering re-trying hair removal creams. Last time I tried them, I was going from fully man-hairy to as hairless as possible all at once, so I had mostly shaved most of my body first and then applied the cream and it seemed like the areas where shaving irritated the skin most were the areas where the cream caused irritation too. So I'm thinking maybe, after shaving everything and then giving it a few days for my skin to recover, I might try frequent, light applications of the hair removal cream, to slowly remove move and more of the hair without causing too much irritation. Slathering my body in a cream sounds way more convenient than any other options I've heard of, and if I can avoid the skin irritation -- which was pretty mild the first time -- I think that might be my solution.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Fractal_Tangent » Sat Jul 02, 2016 9:48 am UTC

There's hair removal creams that are designed for 'sensitive areas' of your body (by which I'm pretty sure they mean bikini area) but they might work better for you. There's some that come with a 'finishing balm' that might be right for you also there's ones just for sensitive skin, there's also spray?

Though I think the idea of the finishing balm seems to be to stop any burning sensations in which case, aftersun cream with aloe vera might be alright.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sat Jul 02, 2016 9:04 pm UTC

In English gay can both mean men-loving-exclusively-men and a collective term for that first meaning of gay, lesbian and bi (and any other sexual orientations in the general area like pan).
In German this is not so, schwul absolutely only refers to men-loving-exclusively-men.
I would not generally introduce myself as gay (when the topic of sexual orientation is relevant), but as bi/pan/queer/ace. But when the question is whether I am gay - yes.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby e^iπ+1=0 » Mon Jul 04, 2016 1:50 pm UTC

Pfhorrest wrote:
eSOANEM wrote:I've not seen anyone actually use trans to exclude non-binary folks. I've heard of it, but everyone I know who's clued in enough to use the term (as opposed to various other terms which used to be more popular) is good enough to not shit on us nb folk by saying we're not trans enough.

I didn't mean it that way; I'm nonbinary, and I wouldn't feel comfortable calling myself "trans", for the same reason that (as a pansexual) I wouldn't call myself "gay". Not because nonbinary is "not trans enough", anymore than pansexual/bisexual/etc are "not gay enough", but just for acknowledging the nuances in my language. After all, if "gay" just meant "non-straight" and "trans" just meant "non-cis", how would I state the difference between me and someone who only wants to have sex with the same gender (and, unlike me, not the opposite or any other), or me and someone who only identifies as 100% the opposite gender they were assigned at birth (and, unlike me, not their assigned gender or anything else)? If that were the case, I'd have to say something like "I'm gay, but not gay gay" (instead of "I'm not gay, I'm pansexual"), or "I'm trans, but not trans trans" (instead of "I'm not trans, I'm pangender"), and if anything that sounds (to my ear) more exclusive of nonbinary identities and orientations.

It seems like there's an important difference between me and, e.g., someone AMAB who absolutely does not want to be identified as male and identifies entirely as female, and we need the language to differentiate that instead of just calling us both "trans", me a specific kind with its own label, and them just "you know, trans trans".

Yeah, this largely mirrors my feelings as well. Though for what it's worth, I've seen people use the terms "binary trans" and "nonbinary trans".
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Quercus » Mon Jul 11, 2016 10:58 am UTC

I had a realisation recently about my bisexuality. I'm attracted to men, but really turned off by (most aspects of) masculinity, and I think that's why I didn't realise I was bisexual until recently - because I hadn't really separated the two before then. Probably explains why I'm attracted more often to women and non-binary people than I am to men - because most men "do" masculinity a lot, whereas most women and non-binary people do masculinity a lot less.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon Jul 11, 2016 8:04 pm UTC

That's cool.

I'm also bi and not into macho / masculine men. As the result I only like few men and many women and nonbinary people.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby eSOANEM » Mon Jul 11, 2016 9:15 pm UTC

I have a similar thing in my attraction to men. I'm not sure how related it is, but my datemate (who's also bi) has said before that they would probably not want to date a man even if they found one attractive because, by virtue of not have experienced gender-related oppression, there'd likely be a more stuff they'd need to explain RE:gender than they'd have the energy to explain.

It certainly doesn't seem unreasonable to assume that a masculine man would have even less experience/awareness of gender related shittiness and/or arbitrariness than a more androgynous or feminine man (who will probably have experience gender policing).

So yeah, that may be a related thing. Either way, it sounds familiar to me and doesn't seem to be that unusual. It sucks a bit that it delayed you realising things but congrats for realising it now.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby CelticNot » Thu Jul 14, 2016 7:41 pm UTC

Interesting thought. I've been identifying mainly as lesbian because I haven't been finding men any more attractive, but I always had that odd soft spot for certain types of male characters - mostly the nerdy glasses-wearing archetypes, rather than bishonen.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Quercus » Thu Jul 21, 2016 4:34 pm UTC

Thanks for your responses Monika, eSOANEM and CelticNot, it's comforting to know that others have experiences of a similar/related nature.

In other good news I seem to be continuing my streak of good luck with clothing... just doubled my femme clothing collection in a sale at Joy. Got a top, a skirt and two dresses for £60. Bought them online, and they all fitted first time. The skirt has pockets too!

I now have three skirts, four dresses and two femme tops (and lots more neutral T-shirts that I can pair with skirts). I just need some dressy shoes (maybe some low wedges) and I've got myself a femme wardrobe I'm happy with for the moment.

Edit: Oh, and some leggings for when the weather is cold (I've got tights, but they don't cut it when it's freezing).

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Pfhorrest
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Pfhorrest » Thu Aug 25, 2016 3:34 am UTC

For a few years now, every now and then, I go out completely en femme, usually somewhere somehow distanced from my home; a few walks or hikes here or there, a movie in a neighboring town, and for my birthday weekend last month, I spent the whole day in another neighboring town like that. I've never gotten any kind of negative feedback and, at most, maybe one possibly weird look about it. On the whole it's given me the impression that I live in a remarkably progressive area; or else that I pass as feminine way better than I think I do, and nobody has any idea, but I don't think that's the case.

You'd think that this would give me the confidence to go about like that more regularly, as I'd like to, and as I do pretty much at all times inside my own home, which is also my place of work, so, most of the time really. But every now and then, rarely (but not rarely enough), when out and about (in masculine clothes), I run into some redneck or other asshole and have some altercation or another with them (about something unrelated to gender issues, like them smoking where they shouldn't be, or someone calling me "fatty"), and those times, I'm really glad to be as masculine as I am, both because angry-me is very masculine in mannerism (I think mirroring my dad somehow, probably) and I would feel weirdly incongruous acting like that while looking feminine, and also because it would likely be just one more thing for them to turn against me in the altercation.

I wish I lived in a world where I didn't have to always "do masculinity" in public just as a defensive precaution in case I should happen to run into an asshole, and could instead relax, let my guard down, and be as femme outside the house as I am inside it.

eta: i guess the real solution is just never be angry and avoid all confrontation
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Echo244
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Echo244 » Wed Aug 31, 2016 10:19 am UTC

...well that's one solution to the problem.

(File this one under trying to offer helpful advice from someone who hasn't walked the same path)

But... well, there's other options. There are lots of ways to express your anger, and... they're not necessarily associated to a particular gender. And even when they are, that doesn't mean they're off limits for someone of the other gender. There's much more shared behaviour than fixed dividing lines.

It's more important to express yourself, however you feel, than... try to constrict yourself into something where every little detail is feminine/masculine, depending on how you've currently chosen to appear.

So, a (probably irrelevant) example. I'm female. I also have a minor leadership role in a traditionally male dominated industry. I talk over people. I use commanding tones of voice, all the time (sometimes to little effect, but this is about my behaviour here, not the outcomes). I speak first, grip the thread of conversation, and direct it firmly and irresistably towards the areas where I know the optimal solutions to lie. I even get angry once in a while, and express it (generally through tone of voice and not letting anyone else speak too much). None of this would be particularly classed as "feminine" in isolation, but... it doesn't have any effect on my perceived gender. There's lots of terms that could be used for me, most of them unflattering, but just because I exhibit behaviours seen as masculine doesn't make me any less female, it's just... how I, as an individual, choose to express myself when confronted with a room full of numpties who don't know what they're doing.

...does that help or am I not really understanding the problem?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby e^iπ+1=0 » Sun Sep 18, 2016 2:27 pm UTC

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-37383914

This 10 year old managed to articulate some of my own frustrations and such better than I've been able to. Like, I think if the world at large just accepted non-binary as a thing, I would probably identify that way and dress more femininely sometimes and go by "they" and all that jazz. But as is, it just feels like so much effort. Basically, I agree with all the stuff said at the end:

I still feel that "he" doesn't feel particularly right. I feel more right as "ze" or "they", but they draw attention to me and my gender when we're trying to have a conversation about trousers.

There isn't a body of the two genders. I just wish there was some way in the middle.

If they ask questions, I answer, but it doesn't have to be the centre of attention. It's not even the most interesting thing about me.

I really like the idea of having a beard. [...] but then again people would say: "Look at that MAN'S beard." I don't want people to associate me with one gender or another. But I know they will, I don't think there is any way of escaping that.
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poxic wrote:I note that the hair is not slowing down. It appears to have progressed from heroic to rocking.

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