[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Pfhorrest » Fri Aug 18, 2017 7:16 pm UTC

Last weekend I went to do karaoke at a new place, not trying to be particularly feminine though wearing a "T-shirt" that's technically a dress but really just looks like a muscle shirt on me IMO. When my first song came on, some guy in the audience was excited, shouting that he loved that song, and then when I got up to the stage he said "you go girl!" Then I started singing (in my deep voice, for a man's song), and the excited guy's friends made fun of him at their table, but it made me feel good that at first glance he thought "girl", when I wasn't even trying.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ObsessoMom » Fri Aug 18, 2017 10:47 pm UTC

You go, girl!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Ginger » Sat Aug 19, 2017 8:13 am UTC

Pfhorrest wrote:When my first song came on, some guy in the audience was excited, shouting that he loved that song, and then when I got up to the stage he said "you go girl!" Then I started singing (in my deep voice, for a man's song), and the excited guy's friends made fun of him at their table, but it made me feel good that at first glance he thought "girl", when I wasn't even trying.

Congratulations on being identified properly. :) It can be so affirming just to hear a simple gendered word that it's amazing. Though that guy's friends shouldn't have made fun of him in my opinion--It's not like "real girls" can't have deep voices. I've been hearing a lot lately about "traps" and "authentic females" and "Guys In Real Life" so it's easy to forget that I too can pass at times and get the desired reaction. Anyways whatever here's to you and your womanhood! Hopefully more passing adventures in the future for you.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Pfhorrest » Sat Aug 19, 2017 8:57 pm UTC

Not sure "identified properly" applies to me since I'm genderqueer not trans, so being gendered male doesn't feel improper to me. But thanks for the support anyway. :-)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Ginger » Sun Aug 20, 2017 8:07 am UTC

Sorry. I didn't mean to identify you the wrong way either. That said I was only trying to show support for something that seemed to be good. I'm still learning.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Pfhorrest » Sun Aug 20, 2017 6:37 pm UTC

No worries at all, I was just saying there isn't a wrong way for me, I'm cool with whatever. So thanks. :-)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Ginger » Mon Aug 21, 2017 6:59 am UTC

No problem. My last thing on the subject is going to be that I find it cool that people can identify with whatever gender(s). As somebody that identifies so strongly with being female it's a new experience. Even though most people don't even know about my affliction either. So rock on sir/ma'am.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby thunk » Wed Aug 23, 2017 4:12 am UTC

ugh. I'm a wreck. I've been a wreck all summer.
It seems once again increasingly clear that I should transition, but for whatever reason I can't seem to do it.
Either I'm too scared, or nervous, or straitlaced, or just too damn lazy. Clearly It's easier to suffer and slowly become increasingly alienated from myself rather than lift a finger to do anything about it.
At this rate I'll just look like a brute that is doing a crude impersonation of womanhood because I can't seem to do any work that isn't directly for class.
And yet I've known about my gender for five years...how does everyone else manage to do something about it once they realize?
More importantly, how do I get past my upbringing?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Wed Aug 23, 2017 6:30 am UTC

Maybe break it down in little steps? Like
- find out what is necessary to change the name
- find out what is necessary to change the gender on ID, driver's license, passport, birth certificate, social security
- find out what is necessary to access hormones
- schedule appointment with psychologist / GP / endo / clinic (however it works in your country)
- tell friends
- tell siblings
- tell parents
- tell school / work
- buy clothes
- buy make-up
- watch make-up tutorials on Youtube
- ... whatever you come up with

Then bring them in an order.

Then schedule them or the first steps in your calendar. Scheduling stuff in the calendar really helps with depression and executive dysfunction. Maybe you don't manage it on that day but then you move it to the next day and not to an indefinite point in time. I usually managed to do schrduled things within a week of that date.

Maybe some steps scare you like buying clothes. Write about it here to hear from other trans women how it went for them.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ivnja » Wed Aug 23, 2017 7:43 am UTC

thunk wrote:It seems once again increasingly clear that I should transition, but for whatever reason I can't seem to do it.
Either I'm too scared, or nervous, or straitlaced, or just too damn lazy. Clearly It's easier to suffer and slowly become increasingly alienated from myself rather than lift a finger to do anything about it.
...
And yet I've known about my gender for five years...how does everyone else manage to do something about it once they realize?

I figured myself out about four years ago, as a 25 year old, after a decade of not feeling right with my post-puberty body and twenty years of being uncomfortable with the social roles I was "supposed" to play. Even then, once I knew for sure that I wanted to transition, I didn't take any concrete steps for almost three more years...I really feel you in the first couple lines I quoted. The inaction was miserable, but the idea of actually going through with it was pretty overwhelming. Ultimately, I gave myself a 28th birthday present: I scheduled an appointment with a gender therapist. And after six months, during which time I got my official recommendation and met with the NP who is handling the medical end of things to plan out how to move forward, I was able to give myself my first dose of HRT as a winter solstice present. Eight months later, the physical transition is getting to the point that I'm ready to try going out en femme. If I hadn't treated it as the ultimate gift to myself (and chosen a convenient special occasion to tie it to), I might still be sitting here frustrated with myself for not doing something about it.

I do still have work to do. My voice isn't where I want it yet. I need to schedule laser appointments for my face. I'm still not very good at letting my hips or shoulders relax and move when I walk, so my gait is somewhat more masculine than I'd like. And then I still need to tackle the paperwork for the name and gender marker change, which I'm a little intimidated by. But I've made plenty of small steps that have added up, and I feel pretty good about them. I started going to an LGBT-friendly hairdresser that my therapist recommended once my hair got long enough (I'd been keeping my head shaved, so that took a while). I've slowly started accumulating a wardrobe with the help of some friends who provided cover for me at the stores before I was comfortable going in and shopping by myself (still don't like trying things on in dressing rooms unless they're unisex and the store isn't busy, but I'm at the point that I'm ok with shamelessly picking out sports bras and such). I finally went in to Sephora just this month to get help finding the right concealer for my beard shadow, and the girl who helped me was spectacular about it. And the big one, I've come out to most of the people who are most important to me. Immediate family kind of sucked, I'll admit that, but my friends have been amazing and the extended family I've told have been awesome, too. That in particular has been a rather drawn-out process - I told my immediate family a couple months before I started HRT, and most recently I told two cousins just two weeks ago.

The point in all that is that these things will come, and I think you'll find yourself ready for each different step when it's your time - and there's no schedule you have to be on! There's nothing saying, for example, that you have to progress to a certain point on HRT before presenting as female in public, and not every girl goes on HRT at all. I do recommend finding your reason to take the first step and make an appointment with a gender therapist, since I think you'll likely find that s/he will be able to help you decide where your path will begin going forward.


thunk wrote:More importantly, how do I get past my upbringing?

What do you mean by this bit?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Dr34m(4+(h3r » Thu Aug 31, 2017 3:05 am UTC

It's been a bad few years. I went from having a psychotic break to being diagnosed schizotypal to almost recovering to getting expelled from school due to mental health complications with only two semesters left to graduation, having my credit permanently ruined, and no possibility of continuing college, leading to another psychotic break and a schizoaffective diagnosis, leading to homelessness, and now I'm staying in a shelter where they don't even know what a trans person is and trying to hold down a shitty job at a gas station and trying to decide whether I want to actually live or not. I just finished my application for SSI, so at this rate I have 5-7 months of homelessness before I can even potentially get a real place to live again.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ivnja » Thu Aug 31, 2017 5:45 am UTC

Hey, I'd actually been wondering recently how you've been doing. I don't know if we've ever directly interacted in the many years we've both been on here, but you've always provided interesting perspectives that are worth reading. I'm really sorry to hear that life has been shitting on you (or, more than it had been already, I guess). Do you have any sort of emotional support system of folks that know you offline?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Dr34m(4+(h3r » Fri Sep 01, 2017 2:51 am UTC

No

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ivnja » Sat Sep 02, 2017 2:07 am UTC

Sorry to hear that :/ What part of the world are you in these days? We've just gotten our first autumn cool snap here this week. Good riding weather, but it does require a little more bundling.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Dr34m(4+(h3r » Sat Sep 02, 2017 2:53 pm UTC

I'm in Seattle. I ended up sleeping on the street. May get kicked out of the shelter program due to complications, we'll see.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ivnja » Sun Sep 03, 2017 2:34 am UTC

Dr34m(4+(h3r wrote:I'm in Seattle. I ended up sleeping on the street. May get kicked out of the shelter program due to complications, we'll see.

How are you doing tonight? I know this must be an immensely stressful time. Any luck with getting things worked out with either shelter?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Dr34m(4+(h3r » Sun Sep 03, 2017 12:50 pm UTC

ivnja wrote:
Dr34m(4+(h3r wrote:I'm in Seattle. I ended up sleeping on the street. May get kicked out of the shelter program due to complications, we'll see.

How are you doing tonight? I know this must be an immensely stressful time. Any luck with getting things worked out with either shelter?


Surprisingly, things are fine at the shelter I'm staying at. I just need to make sure they remain that way.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ivnja » Sun Sep 03, 2017 1:39 pm UTC

Dr34m(4+(h3r wrote:Surprisingly, things are fine at the shelter I'm staying at. I just need to make sure they remain that way.

That's wonderful!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sun Sep 03, 2017 5:53 pm UTC

Dr34m(4+(h3r wrote:
ivnja wrote:
Dr34m(4+(h3r wrote:I'm in Seattle. I ended up sleeping on the street. May get kicked out of the shelter program due to complications, we'll see.

How are you doing tonight? I know this must be an immensely stressful time. Any luck with getting things worked out with either shelter?


Surprisingly, things are fine at the shelter I'm staying at. I just need to make sure they remain that way.

That's good to hear. But it also doesn't have a possibility to cook, does it?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Dr34m(4+(h3r » Tue Sep 05, 2017 5:27 pm UTC

Monika wrote:
Dr34m(4+(h3r wrote:
ivnja wrote:
Dr34m(4+(h3r wrote:I'm in Seattle. I ended up sleeping on the street. May get kicked out of the shelter program due to complications, we'll see.

How are you doing tonight? I know this must be an immensely stressful time. Any luck with getting things worked out with either shelter?


Surprisingly, things are fine at the shelter I'm staying at. I just need to make sure they remain that way.

That's good to hear. But it also doesn't have a possibility to cook, does it?


It actually does have a kitchen, but in order to save money I'm basically eating nothing but instant noodles and ravioli out of a can anyway so it's a moot point. It also has a shower, surprisingly. It's a pretty swell place, the only downside is figuring out how to schedule mandatory chores around my work week. And I'm still in a state of nervousness about upsetting people, but that's about it. First week in the shelter is over and done with though, and at this rate I can probably keep going for another couple of months at least. Also, my medicaid card arrived, so now if I do have to commit myself it will be covered.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ivnja » Tue Sep 05, 2017 7:01 pm UTC

Dr34m(4+(h3r wrote:
Spoiler:
Monika wrote:
Dr34m(4+(h3r wrote:
ivnja wrote:
Dr34m(4+(h3r wrote:I'm in Seattle. I ended up sleeping on the street. May get kicked out of the shelter program due to complications, we'll see.

How are you doing tonight? I know this must be an immensely stressful time. Any luck with getting things worked out with either shelter?


Surprisingly, things are fine at the shelter I'm staying at. I just need to make sure they remain that way.

That's good to hear. But it also doesn't have a possibility to cook, does it?
It actually does have a kitchen, but in order to save money I'm basically eating nothing but instant noodles and ravioli out of a can anyway so it's a moot point. It also has a shower, surprisingly. It's a pretty swell place, the only downside is figuring out how to schedule mandatory chores around my work week. And I'm still in a state of nervousness about upsetting people, but that's about it. First week in the shelter is over and done with though, and at this rate I can probably keep going for another couple of months at least. Also, my medicaid card arrived, so now if I do have to commit myself it will be covered.

That sounds like a lot of good news :) Are you feeling less stressed overall?
As a side note, make sure you're drinking enough water and work in a little potassium if you get a chance to counteract all the sodium in the ramen and canned pastas/soups/etc.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Tue Sep 05, 2017 7:38 pm UTC

That sounds pretty good for being homeless at least.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Ginger » Mon Sep 18, 2017 9:56 am UTC

Update on my hormone therapy: After trying for over a month to get my doctor's people to write a prior authorization they finally did however my insurance isn't approving the right dosage. So what did they actually write or is that some other kind of problem? The insurance actually sent me a rejection letter once stating their concerns or whatever so it might be that I simply can't get that high of a dosage. Regardless of the exact problem the only solutions offered so far were trying the injection kind or keep going trying to get the dosage on patches they wanted approved. It's taken several months. If I can't get things straightened around with my current doctor in the next month or two I'm looking for a new hormones doctor.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby CelticNot » Mon Sep 18, 2017 3:13 pm UTC

Been in communication with the clinic for my SRS. They wanted an A1C update since it was old. I have a new one and it's quite good. Just need to get the results from my endocrinologist, scan and send them in, and maybe within a month I'll have a date.

I should be a lot more nervous about this than I am, and the fact that I'm not is more worrying than the surgery.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ivnja » Tue Sep 19, 2017 10:50 pm UTC

Ginger wrote:It's taken several months. If I can't get things straightened around with my current doctor in the next month or two I'm looking for a new hormones doctor.

Yeah, it's sounded from your last couple posts like your current endocrinologist is at best not on the same page with you.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Ginger » Wed Sep 20, 2017 10:42 am UTC

He's even said after I've called him and the pharmacy's called him that he had no clue what was going on. Their office doesn't even contact me when there's a problem most of them time so I can't move ahead. However I really don't know how to feminize my appearance without hormones. I could try doing more of the steps I take now to look feminine but I doubt that's going to do the same job hormones does. So I'll try to shop around for somebody that works.

CelticNot wrote:Been in communication with the clinic for my SRS. They wanted an A1C update since it was old. I have a new one and it's quite good. Just need to get the results from my endocrinologist, scan and send them in, and maybe within a month I'll have a date.

I should be a lot more nervous about this than I am, and the fact that I'm not is more worrying than the surgery.

Congratulations on taking such a big step in your transition. Hopefully everything goes well. I'd be worried about the surgery even though I want it. It's envious that you're not as worried as I imagine I'd be ha-ha. :P
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby CelticNot » Wed Sep 20, 2017 3:15 pm UTC

Ginger wrote:Congratulations on taking such a big step in your transition. Hopefully everything goes well. I'd be worried about the surgery even though I want it. It's envious that you're not as worried as I imagine I'd be ha-ha. :P


Thanks. I'll probably start panicking when I have a firm date, since that puts a countdown timer on the whole thing...
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