Creepy Guys and Internet Security

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setzer777
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Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby setzer777 » Tue Sep 08, 2009 4:06 pm UTC

Sometimes it seems like there was some sort of vote where every creepy guy in the world agreed to harass my girlfriend. Too many examples to list, but the most recent was especially unnerving:

Apparently before we met (about 10 months ago) she was chatting with a guy on OkCupid who seemed friendly. Just last night she got a message from him asking if she was still seeing someone, and she said yes. He proceeded to tell her that he's been fantasizing about her for months ever since he viewed a web-cam conversation she had with me (!?) that was of an...intimate nature.

So......yeah...we live nearby now, but if we ever use webcam again, is there any way to secure it? And...are there any signs of how "high-risk" creepy guys are? I'm sometimes afraid that one of them will decide that she belongs to them and try to hurt her and/or me.
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby Bartimaeus » Tue Sep 08, 2009 4:12 pm UTC

I'm not sure if it would work depending on how you contact your girlfriend, but I hope this will help.
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby sje46 » Tue Sep 08, 2009 4:15 pm UTC

setzer777 wrote:Sometimes it seems like there was some sort of vote where every creepy guy in the world agreed to harass my girlfriend. Too many examples to list, but the most recent was especially unnerving:

Apparently before we met (about 10 months ago) she was chatting with a guy on OkCupid who seemed friendly. Just last night she got a message from him asking if she was still seeing someone, and she said yes. He proceeded to tell her that he's been fantasizing about her for months ever since he viewed a web-cam conversation she had with me (!?) that was of an...intimate nature.

So......yeah...we live nearby now, but if we ever use webcam again, is there any way to secure it? And...are there any signs of how "high-risk" creepy guys are? I'm sometimes afraid that one of them will decide that she belongs to them and try to hurt her and/or me.

Are you sure he wasn't making that up? Because that is really messed up...and sound pretty difficult to do.
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setzer777
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby setzer777 » Tue Sep 08, 2009 4:18 pm UTC

I don't know, she didn't say how much detail he gave about it. I think we were using AIM to do it, so if he had her screen name, maybe he could do it? I'm not sure.
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby Decker » Wed Sep 09, 2009 12:24 pm UTC

I can't really think of any way this could have gotten intercepted unless:
1. You had a very specific virus on your computer
2. The video was saved and posted somewhere
3. He was bullshitting you.

One is possible but incredibly unlikely. I don't know enough about the involved parties to comment on number two. Three seems like the most likely answer to me.

Make sure you have a firewall and antivirus.
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby setzer777 » Wed Sep 09, 2009 1:54 pm UTC

Ah, figured it out. We were actually using Yahoo messenger, and she hadn't changed the settings away from the default "everyone can see my webcam", all she'd do is make herself appear signed off to people. But if they clicked on her anyway, they would be able to see the cam.
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby Decker » Wed Sep 09, 2009 3:06 pm UTC

setzer777 wrote:Ah, figured it out. We were actually using Yahoo messenger, and she hadn't changed the settings away from the default "everyone can see my webcam", all she'd do is make herself appear signed off to people. But if they clicked on her anyway, they would be able to see the cam.

If you're going to do steamy webcamming, having that setting on is generally a bad idea.
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby Will » Wed Sep 09, 2009 3:13 pm UTC

Which begs the question of why Yahoo thinks that making that setting the default is a good idea.
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby setzer777 » Wed Sep 09, 2009 3:23 pm UTC

Yeah, we'll definitely fix that in the future, and it does make me less creeped out about the guy seeing it in the first palce (he was on her friends list). But saying: "I've been fantasizing about you ever since I secretly saw your webcam four months ago" is very creepy. Apparently he also talked about how he makes a lot of money so she should leave me so he can take care of her.

Also recently another creep online, after she said she was in a serious relationship and not interested, text-messaged a picture of his penis to her....yeah...

I don't know why she gets all these creeps. I guess she's very friendly and is openly sexual, but how do people make the leap to thinking that she'll cheat on me or leave me at the drop of a hat? Some of it is guys from Rocky - she and I both do shadow cast for Rocky Horror Picture Show, and while there are a lot of cool people there, it attracts its share of socially inept stalker types as well.
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby EnderSword » Wed Sep 09, 2009 4:07 pm UTC

setzer777 wrote:Ah, figured it out. We were actually using Yahoo messenger, and she hadn't changed the settings away from the default "everyone can see my webcam", all she'd do is make herself appear signed off to people. But if they clicked on her anyway, they would be able to see the cam.


That's kind of a little funny.

I can see how a guy might end up getting the wrong impression from that. Still a bit creepy, but from his point of view he's thinking he's talking to a girl who does that sort of thing on a webcam in public...not a girl who he hacked into or something.

Guys liek the are emboldened by it being over the internet, and if she responds to it positively or is still friendly or sexually open after the initial attempt, probably just encourages them. Kind of up to her to signal she's not going to be doing any of that, then if the continue after the fact then the guy's really creepy and a problem.
You haven't mentioned her actually telling the guy that it isn't going to happen or trying to shut the guy down at all. If he says stuff and doesn't get shot down, then he'll think its ok. And a lot of people have people they talk explicitly to online who they wouldn't with irl as well and neither consider it a problem to their rl relationships, so that mentality could play a factor too.
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby setzer777 » Wed Sep 09, 2009 4:32 pm UTC

Oh, as soon as he brought that up she shut him down and blocked him. Part of what seems creepy is the waiting four months before mentioning it at all, and then saying he's been fantasizing about her ever since then and "other girls just aren't good enough anymore". That is something I didn't mention before - with a lot of these guys it isn't just sleazy hitting on her, they become fixated on her with various degrees of obsessiveness.
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby Certhas » Wed Sep 09, 2009 5:31 pm UTC

Maybe you just have a really really awesome girlfriend?
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby gmalivuk » Wed Sep 09, 2009 5:41 pm UTC

EnderSword wrote:Still a bit totally creepy, but from his point of view he's thinking he's talking to a girl who does that sort of thing on a webcam in public.

I think it's still way creepy, even to a person who clearly chooses to do online porn, to open up with "I've been fantasizing about you for months" unless it's been explicitly stated that she wants to know that about random strangers.

And if he knew it was a conversation she was having with her boyfriend, and he had to click on her apparently offline name to see it, it's not as though she was posting the videos to her own porn site or something.
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby EnderSword » Wed Sep 09, 2009 5:50 pm UTC

He'd really have to post the video for us to determine that... (j/k)

Yeah that sounds a little more intense a opposed to a casual thing, good that she blocked him them. But if its a lot of guys, there must be something going on they're interpretting as an invitiation, even if its just normal politeness. Not that she means it that way, but if its unwelcome she might want to delete herself from those places like OKCupid too.
I know once me and an Ex who I was still dating changed our facebook status to 'Open Relationship' as an inside joke with a couple friends, and she got 50 messages within a week from guys she didn't even know.
People just go patrolling for that stuff.

And if he knew it was a conversation she was having with her boyfriend, and he had to click on her apparently offline name to see it, it's not as though she was posting the videos to her own porn site or something.


True in theory, but Yahoo IM is terrible for that, 'show offline' often only shows offline until you do something, sending cam potentially even sends a notice like 'boxxybabee is broadcasting webcam' like its sending an invitation to everyone, so Again I wouldn't totally condemn the guy for that alone, he might have seen it and just thought 'Wow, awesome' and I assume he thought it was on purpose, and if he only saw her end, possibly didn't even know it was to her b/f etc...
The other stuff does sound much worse, but it was potentially prompted by this accident so just giving a bit of a benefit of the doubt here. I can see how a person might misunderstand that initial thing...but the later more obsessive stuff obviously not.
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby Flagpole Sitta » Wed Sep 09, 2009 6:37 pm UTC

This is pretty creeptastic. I've had a couple of guys get obsessional over me, but luckily no one so intensely. I wish I had some advice on how to get them to back off. It's very, very hard to do. :/

And if I accidentally walked into someone I know's steamy webcam adventure I would be so embarrassed! What on earth is the right etiquette for that?

"Hey, um, you don't have... you're not... actually invisible. Yeah..."
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby gmalivuk » Wed Sep 09, 2009 6:46 pm UTC

I haven't had anything like that happen, but I've wondered about it myself. Solution I came up with was to use a different email address to send them an anonymous message like, "Hey, we actually know each other but I figured it might be less awkward if I told you anonymously that, well, your webcam isn't actually invisible." Maybe include an invitation that they can ask to know who I am, if they want, to prove that I am indeed not just some random creep trying to provoke a response? I dunno.
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby EnderSword » Wed Sep 09, 2009 7:18 pm UTC

I think Purple Roses are the 'I saw your breasts by accident' flower.
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby setzer777 » Fri Mar 18, 2011 8:49 am UTC

So, mega-necro here, but I actually have an update. Now that she's my ex and we're staying friends, she admitted to me that she had steamy webcam sessions with him several times while we were exclusive (and just made up the story about him seeing ours), and then actually slept with him when we opened up our relationship near the end.

Weirdly enough, I mostly just find that amusing. I guess I've just come to accept that she doesn't have the same ethical standards I do when it comes to sex (and, well, not lying), and that fact doesn't really bother me (in terms of staying friends, I know for sure we aren't compatible at all).
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby Thirty-one » Fri Mar 18, 2011 12:33 pm UTC

Now that the thread has some sort of happy ending, I feel it's only fair to ask

setzer777 wrote: Also recently another creep online, after she said she was in a serious relationship and not interested, text-messaged a picture of his penis to her....yeah...


was it basically this 8======> then?



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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby Menacing Spike » Fri Mar 18, 2011 12:56 pm UTC

Thirty-one wrote:Now that the thread has some sort of happy ending, I feel it's only fair to ask

setzer777 wrote: Also recently another creep online, after she said she was in a serious relationship and not interested, text-messaged a picture of his penis to her....yeah...


was it basically this 8======> then?



Yes, I'm mentally 12, or so.


MMS obviously.
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby setzer777 » Fri Mar 18, 2011 2:16 pm UTC

Lol, you know what I mean :-P

But yeah, just to be clear, the guy still was a bit pushy in terms of falling for her and trying to get her to leave me, though obviously a bit more understandable now. Of course, not the wisest or nicest thing for her to do: sleeping with (once we were open) guys she knew had feelings for her.
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby RainbowTwink » Mon Mar 21, 2011 9:50 pm UTC

Computer people don't scare me. I've met plenty of creepy guys in public and IRL. I roll my eyes at them and sulk. That sends the "bitch signal".
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby Red Hal » Fri Mar 25, 2011 10:04 am UTC

For those who may be concerned about security, skype video chats are encrypted on PC to PC calls.
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Re: Creepy Guys and Internet Security

Postby Von Haus » Fri Mar 25, 2011 10:58 am UTC

Red Hal wrote:For those who may be concerned about security, skype video chats are encrypted on PC to PC calls.

That is very very very good to know. :P Though also makes me feel like I probably should have been more concerned about security before finding that out.
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