Gender Expectations and Shame

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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby poxic » Wed Dec 09, 2009 6:35 am UTC

f_s, you're reminding me of an ad I once read on the bus, maybe 25 years ago or so. It went something like this:
"I'm a giraffe, okay? I've always been the tall one, the one that stood out. I got so envious of the small, cute and cuddly girls. All I wanted was to be small, cute and cuddly myself. <insert whatever the ad was about :roll: > Now I'm a model, and my legs go on forever. I wear short skirts and high heels just to show them off. People turn to look at me all the time, and now I like it. And I don't want to be small, cute and cuddly anymore."

I've remembered that cheesy ad for a lot of years now, probably because it was a tiny lesson in "hey, maybe whatever I turn out to be, won't be so bad". (That was something that kept me going during my crappy adolescent years.)

Dunno if this will help or hurt. I hope it helps, if only a little. You're fantastic and different, and you'll learn to appreciate that more as you get older. Trust me in this, the extreme need to conform that we feel up to, say, 25 or 30 years old, does go away. You will start to revel in who you are, if you give yourself a chance. (A lot of chances, actually. It takes work. We're funny that way.)
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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby podbaydoor » Wed Dec 09, 2009 2:52 pm UTC

I went from liking ponies and ballerinas and Cinderella to a sexless weirdo in boxy t-shirts and unflattering jeans in my adolescence. I flaunted my weirdo-ness and hated anything that would remotely hint at preppiness even as I secretly writhed in jealousy that the preppy girls got all the hot guys. Then, in college, my best friend helped reform my wardrobe (still a work in progress) and I'm wearing more feminine things and I like it. Sometimes I feel bad that I'm not doing more to deconstruct gender roles, especially with my appearance. Then again, I make my boyfriend do all the cooking and have been known to make him sweep the floor, so.

Also, I recently spent some time in several homes where the wife had clearly gone to some lengths to make sure every last tasteful wreath and ornament was arranged just so on the mantelpieces and banisters and table corners, and I felt absolutely no desire to someday own a home and do the same.
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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby wizardy42 » Thu Dec 10, 2009 6:51 am UTC

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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby SlyReaper » Thu Dec 10, 2009 10:11 am UTC

wizardy42 wrote:Girls are supposed to be pretty.

:cry:


For a given value of "pretty"?
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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby Elvish Pillager » Thu Dec 10, 2009 1:07 pm UTC

While I sort of understand the concept of "gender roles", I've never applied that concept to myself (eew!). Coming from the outside... well, I guess someone else in this thread came to gender roles from the outside and didn't mind them, but my reaction is "Woah, what is this shit? Why the hell would I do that?"
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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby icanus » Thu Dec 10, 2009 2:51 pm UTC

I occasionally have a bout of "Shit, I'm not a real man, I'm just pretending", usually whenever I'm reminded that I don't like football, drink responsibly, can't drive, have never been in a proper fight, or have had fewer sexual partners than graduation ceremonies*.

I try to compensate by random acts of carpentry.

*there's only actually one of these things that I'd actually like to change (the one that doesn't involve kicking, punching or parrallel parking anything), but something about them all occasionally trips my "real man" programming and I get the uncontrollable urge to spend the rest of the day grunting, wearing a toolbelt, and doing that thing where you express disdain for someone else's workmanship by sucking in air through your teeth.

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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby Insignificant Deifaction » Thu Dec 10, 2009 8:28 pm UTC

My problem is thus:

I am female, and I am rather femme. I like pretty girls in dresses and make-up etc. I want to wear such things. This does not extend to an enjoyment of pink, nor for animals other than the snake. I also don't end up wearing much make-up, because my day is busy enough as it is.

For a while, I felt some guilt for not going out wearing a full complement of make-up and properly girly attire. This has faded, as all of the girls I date are goth. If they do wear make-up, it accentuates that fact. Their clothes are better suited as implements of murder than of girly flirtation. They prefer me au naturel, in particular as the typical tones of goth make-up don't suit me.

So, my early years were spent torn between a hyper-traditional family and one to whom the word tradition had no meaning. This has made it easier to roll with what others want. Note how I am not in anguish over my conformity or lack thereof. What really gives me anguish is how easily my preferences are swayed.
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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby Rinsaikeru » Fri Dec 11, 2009 3:22 am UTC

I kind of feel some twinges from both directions of the gender expectations game.

On the one hand I feel some social and familial pressure to conform. Have kids etc.

On the other hand, sometimes I feel judged if I like things that are viewed as traditionally feminine. I do like kids, if it was financially viable I might even be willing to spend some time as a stay at home mom--a really weird one admittedly, but I'd be just as happy if whoever I was with at the time decided to do so. I do my best not to think about gender and just think about what I like and want to do--but a lot of it exists on the feminine side of the gender binary.

It sometimes makes me feel like someone is about to point to it and say, you aren't really a feminist. (I know this would only be someone who has no concept of what feminism can mean--and it would certainly be someone who doesn't understand my particular brand of feminism).
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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby Teapot » Fri Dec 11, 2009 10:39 pm UTC

Rinsaikeru wrote:It sometimes makes me feel like someone is about to point to it and say, you aren't really a feminist. (I know this would only be someone who has no concept of what feminism can mean--and it would certainly be someone who doesn't understand my particular brand of feminism).
Our feminist society at uni has bake sales to raise money and they apparently get a lot of those people. Femsoc just has a lot of good bakers and it's a good way to raise some funds fairly quickly (as well as getting to eat some tasty treats).

I used to feel really bad that I wasn't "girly" enough. I very rarely wear make up (only ever on a night out, and even then only very little) and I never enjoyed playing with dolls or anything. When I got into academy it got really bad because all the girls I had been friends with before were all of a sudden wanting to wear dresses a lot and wear make up and go shopping and I just wasn't interested in those things at that point. I did try to fit in more with that for a while, but I was made to feel shame for that too. I wore a skirt to school a whole 1 time from when I was 12 to when I was 16. I have pretty long legs, so skirts tend to look shorter on me than they are. As a result a "friend" asked if I was planning on hanging out in the red light district of the town nearest us and a lorry driver beeped his horn at me as I was walking home.

I guess I felt like I couldn't ever really win either way.
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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby GraphiteGirl » Sat Dec 12, 2009 7:48 am UTC

Sometimes it... well, it doesn't bother me so much as weird me out that I'm such a 'typical' girl in many ways, at the same time as disliking many of the stereotypes I happen to conform to.
I have long hair, a high soprano singing voice, like costumes and clothing, am good at design and art, specialise in humanities subjects, am 'helpful' and sort of an amateur shrink for my friends, am somewhat curvy (typical "womanly" figure), love animals, and am pretty sure I'd make a good mum and might even quite enjoy being one.
Back in high school, I used to be resistant to the idea of hugging people, because it seemed like such a 'girly' thing to do, and I found it irritating that so many girls I knew hugged every time they met, even when they didn't particularly like one another. Since then, it's gradually sunk in that a) there's something just a little screwed up about not doing something because it's associated with being 'girly' and b) hugs are wonderful.
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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby Nifar » Sat Dec 12, 2009 8:17 am UTC

It's not so much shame that I feel, as mild aggravation that people expect me to conform to gender roles. I used to be a small kid, and coupled with the fact that I was/am relatively smart (not exactly a big feat in my area), that was okay since everyone expected me to be smart and nerdy because I was small and I wore glasses, so I unintentionally conformed. By the time I reached highschool though, I was a big guy, and everyone expected me to spend all my time playing sports and chasing after girls instead of burying my head in a book and being generally socially awkward.

Since I live in the Deep South, where most of the redneck jokes you hear are true, I suspect several of you can imagine what it was like growing up and transitioning from "the little guy who helps all the other kids with their school" to "that T______ boy what refuses to act like a man."
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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby H2SO4 » Sat Dec 12, 2009 8:20 am UTC

1. I can't grow facial hair worth beans. I constantly do a "No-Shave November" every month and it's hardly noticeable.
2. My arms are smoother than most of the girls I know.
3. I like small children more than a "man" should. I consistently was made fun of in high school for how excited I would get when the drama teacher would bring in her 5-month old and how much time I would spend with him.
4. I don't follow sports religiously. I can honestly hardly tell you who my university is playing in football next week.

I can't think of any other gender expectations for men at the moment, though I'm sure I fail on many others.

#3 doesn't really bother me continuously, as I hear it's actually quite the positive trait, but it kinda bothers me when other guys point it out.
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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby SlyReaper » Sat Dec 12, 2009 11:57 am UTC

Alas I fear I've gone too far the other way. My stubble is visible a day after not shaving (and with fair hair, it really shouldn't be), my hairy arms would put a gorilla to shame, and I can't stand small children (the noises they make drive me crackers). As for sports, I'm the same. I can't really see the appeal of watching a sport, I'd much rather be playing it. Watching is boring. Especially in pubs. When I go to the pub, I go there to enjoy a beer and the company of my mates. A big old TV screen just dominates the room and you always find yourself looking over at it. Even worse is when the pub is playing REALLY LOUD MUSIC so you have to SHOUT AT THE TOP OF YOUR VOICE JUST TO HOLD A CONVERSATION.

But apparently, real manly men enjoy these things.
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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby GrawSith » Fri Mar 05, 2010 10:13 am UTC

I have issues with this at my work. The office I work at must be built with stereotype-bricks because every man is a Suit-And-Tie Manly-Man who opens every sentence with a thought about cricket and ends every day with beer and footy. And the girls are either young bombshells with heels and makeup who giggle about the Manly Men across the room, or old women who talk about their daughters (and their daughters are like the aforementioned bombshells).

And then there's me, the quiet, unkempt, "shut up about the cricket and tell me what you want" guy who enjoys books and computers and parts of the internet that aren't facebook. Seeing the Manly Men do their Manly things kinda makes me feel bad. Since there isn't really a geek community within the people at my job, I do feel a little alone.

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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby Incompetent » Fri Mar 05, 2010 2:14 pm UTC

I don't like gender stereotypes and don't particularly want to live up to them, but part of me wonders whether I'd do better on the dating scene if I was more of the 'real man' everyone seems to want, both physically and in terms of behaviour.

For what it's worth, I often find girls look prettiest when they're wearing no obvious make-up, no perfume, a low-maintenance hairstyle, casual shoes and jeans.

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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby TheKrikkitWars » Fri Mar 05, 2010 2:32 pm UTC

I've never felt particularly ashamed, but that's because I soon got the hang of "Banter" and realised that simply being quick-witted and thick skinned meant people would quickly accept that some of the things I liked were "un-manly" (poetry is the one that springs to mind) but that I wasn't going to change for them.

I think it must help that for all my geekyness I grew up to be a big guy who fitted the expectations of what a "manly manly man" should look like.

If there's something I'm ashamed of now its how I've slowly grown to enjoy many aspects of my gender role, Over the last couple of years of puberty I went from always being very gentle to occasionally displaying an almost barbarically aggressive streak, not unlike Dr Jimmy and Mr Jim (he only comes out when I drink my Gin).

Edit:
I also prefer girls with no makeup, and simple (even boyish) clothes, though I adore long hair (it tickles) and a really well selected perfume (not just any old shit) will leave someone imprinted on my mind forever
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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby embolalia » Fri Mar 05, 2010 10:23 pm UTC

I don't feel shame as much as anger. I hate that I am expected to act a certain way because of what's between my legs. I don't care about sports. At all. Seriously, don't talk to me about sports, because you will lose me very quickly. People think I'm a quiet person, because they don't hear me talk much. Those who know to get me talking about politics or technology know this is not true. I will talk your ear off. But most men, or at least those in my family, or on my floor here in the dorm, seem to have nothing else to talk about besides sports.
Am I sexually attracted to women? Yes. Men too, but that's a whole different topic. Do I want to discuss the relative attractiveness of different celebrities? No. Will I watch something simply because it has an attractive woman in it? No. Do I think it makes you seem positively simian to have nearly naked women as your desktop background, or on posters on your wall? Absolutely.
And yes, I know how to change a tire. But I'd rather just call AAA. That's why we pay for it, isn't it? Yeah, it's a good skill to have, just in case. But it's just as important for my sister to know that as it is for me. Perhaps more so. And yet, my father never did teach her. Part of that is because he's a bit, er, traditional, but mostly it's because my sister learned long ago that she can abuse her gender to get out of doing things. Mowing the lawn is not exactly a technically challenging thing, but my brother and I still did it far more than she did. Which reminds me, I need to go walk all the way across campus to my sister's apartment, so that I can check the oil and tire pressure in the car we share before we drive home for break. Because obviously, my sister couldn't possibly do it.
But as much as I dislike that particular tactic of my sister, I really have her to thank for my dislike, both of that tactic and of my supposed assigned role. She helped me realize that being called a woman isn't an insult, and that there is no reason I can't be my own person. It's okay for me to dislike things, even if people think I must like them. And if someone wants to call me a name because I don't participate in something I don't agree with, I can and should take such as a compliment. If I don't like your morality, and you're telling me I don't conform to it, how can I take offense?

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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby hawkmp4 » Fri Mar 05, 2010 11:31 pm UTC

I think I figured out a major source of some of my frustration, reading through this thread.
I'm frustrated not because I don't fulfill the manly-man requirements that society has prescribed for me...but because I wish I could but can't fulfill some of the feminine stereotypes.
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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby Shivahn » Sat Mar 06, 2010 12:46 am UTC

hawkmp4 wrote:I think I figured out a major source of some of my frustration, reading through this thread.
I'm frustrated not because I don't fulfill the manly-man requirements that society has prescribed for me...but because I wish I could but can't fulfill some of the feminine stereotypes.
I'm a guy.


Haha....

Yeah, me too. If I'm reading that correctly. I'm sad that I don't have more stereotypically feminine characteristics.

I generally ignore/avoid masculine ones. Though more ignore.

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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby hawkmp4 » Sat Mar 06, 2010 1:48 am UTC

Yeah. That's me. I don't consciously avoid masculine stereotypes. I just don't care for them.
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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby Amie » Sat Mar 06, 2010 1:17 pm UTC

1. I like sports.
2. Maybe I like kids a little but I don't want to have them. I think they're more annoying than they're cute.
3. I have more guyfriends than girlfriends.
4. My alcohol tolerance is pretty high (which is the heights of un-womanliness in my society's culture).
5. While I don't mind a teeny tiny bit of make-up, I'd much rather go without it.
6. Don't want to shave my body hair off and never will.
7. I cuss like a sailor. On crack.
8. You will not catch me dead in pink.
9. I have never blushed once, in my entire life. I am not shy, I'm not lady-like.

I have a pretty large family (not immediate) and they keep clicking their tongues in disapproval of my "boyish" behaviour. Their eyes bulge out when my maa tells them that I can't really cook all that well and neither am I great at household chores - yet. It makes no difference to them when she tells them that I'm a fast learner and that I will pick it up quickly.

I still feel like a woman. Have I ever felt ashamed of it? Hell no.
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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby podbaydoor » Sat Mar 06, 2010 5:25 pm UTC

Amen to that!

Unfortunately I can't change a tire and I have almost no interest in sports except as a source of funny or fascinating human interest stories (that would be the journalist coming out in me). I do feel kind of ashamed sometimes for fitting into some feminine stereotypes. But I'm not a tomboy anymore and I don't really want to exert myself to be someone I'm not. D:
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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby You, sir, name? » Sat Mar 06, 2010 5:27 pm UTC

SlyReaper wrote:Even worse is when the pub is playing REALLY LOUD MUSIC so you have to SHOUT AT THE TOP OF YOUR VOICE JUST TO HOLD A CONVERSATION.

But apparently, real manly men enjoy these things.


I find that speaking volume is proportional to blood alcohol concentration regardless of ambient sound-volume. So the music volume is probably a consequence of the people shouting, not the other way around.



Anyway, I really don't concern myself with gender stereotypes too much. I don't like sports (viewed or part-taken in), I don't have a fascination with large machines or loud noises/explosions, I can barely tell the front from the back of a car, while I'm pretty physically imposing that's mostly because of my generous height and size, and I'm really not competitive at all. Though you can probably blame my parents for this disregard of social expectations, as they're both kinda left-wing oddballs that never really put an expectations on me.
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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby jacqueshacques » Sat Mar 06, 2010 11:13 pm UTC

I dunno if shame is the right word but yeah I feel different sometimes, like a lot of times I am the first one to make a move with a guy and some guys don't like that, it makes them uncomfortable

so I guess being so forward with guys makes me uncomfortable sometimes because it makes them uncomfortable sometimes?

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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby Esperite » Sun Mar 07, 2010 7:06 pm UTC

One thing that happens to me a good deal isn't really shame per say, but more annoyance. When I'm with my friends who want to talk about sports/girls/sex it's just annoyingly uncomfortable. I don't really care about any of that stuff, so I'm basically listening to an awkward subject I care very little about. (About attraction to girls, not girls in general. I know it's slightly ambiguous.)
Anime still makes me embarassed at my house though. It's embarassing watching something that looks really girly near my brother, because of the general expectations embarassment and because he hates anime in general and thinks it's rediculous. Ugh. I always have to find another room to watch it in because of that. (ps. lucky star is awesome =). )
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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby MrGee » Mon Mar 08, 2010 5:31 am UTC

jacqueshacques wrote:I dunno if shame is the right word but yeah I feel different sometimes, like a lot of times I am the first one to make a move with a guy and some guys don't like that, it makes them uncomfortable

so I guess being so forward with guys makes me uncomfortable sometimes because it makes them uncomfortable sometimes?


That's okay, we're just unprepared. It's like when someone makes the wrong opening in chess.

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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby General_Norris » Mon Mar 08, 2010 1:25 pm UTC

I don't really know what has been gender expectations and what has been social expectations so excuse me if I make some mistakes.

I think the most annoying expectation is liking football. Women get the past without loving it do death but not me so I have always been the odd boy or something like that. Similarly I don't like cars or saying how big my dick is.

However now I don't usually face this a lot, what I face a lot is the obvious "we male, we sex, we not think, we sex". The obvious "Oh me yarm, she's hot, wouldn't you fuck her?" is something I hate with passion. Specially when it's followed by the message that the guy doesn't caer at all about being friends with a girl or not as long as she is hot and allows him to fuck her.

And I specially hate when they "promote" me in their "penis rank" because I date a lot of girls or they are hot or I have had threesomes. There's nothing more disgusting than someone saying "Hey, your GF is hot, you must fuck her a lot bla bla bla fuck blalbla sex bla bla how manly you are".

Oh, and god forbids you if you tell someone that you date several girls! There are three responses:

1) You are evil and sexist!
2) You are the man! Yeah! Fuck those girls, they were born for that!
3) (Says 1 because they are jealous but really think 2)

And it sucks. If I have threesomes and you don't is because you are jealous bastard that almost hit me because I hugged your "not-yet-girlfriend" when I met her. Don't suggest that everyone is like you, I actually love those girls thank you. Yes, I have been in love. No, I will not get cancer because of this, etc etc.

It's like when you oppose, say, women paying less taxes and someone else agrees but noy because it's sexist but because he wants to kill all women. Meh. Your approval fills me with shame...


Also tall girls rock! It's unconfortable to lower your body to kiss short girls! No kidding, I would rather have a tall girl over a short girl anyday.

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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby Peter Galbavy » Mon Mar 08, 2010 3:00 pm UTC

I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

:?

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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby hawkmp4 » Tue Mar 09, 2010 7:42 pm UTC

Peter Galbavy wrote:I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

:?

This. Exactly this. It's so hard to explain to people who don't experience it.

and @MrGee- But standard chess openings usually have very good reasoning behind them ;)
Frankly, I would find it very attractive if a girl made the first move on me. Some guys would feel emasculated though, I think. I think there's a stereotype that the guy needs to woo the girl and all that crap. Turning things around makes them feel like less of a man. It's garbage, but I think that's why.
Though, if your date is uncomfortable with his masculinity because you kissed him first, I think you need to find a new date ;)
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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby H2SO4 » Tue Mar 09, 2010 8:19 pm UTC

hawkmp4 wrote:and @MrGee- But standard chess openings usually have very good reasoning behind them ;)
Frankly, I would find it very attractive if a girl made the first move on me. Some guys would feel emasculated though, I think. I think there's a stereotype that the guy needs to woo the girl and all that crap. Turning things around makes them feel like less of a man. It's garbage, but I think that's why.
Though, if your date is uncomfortable with his masculinity because you kissed him first, I think you need to find a new date ;)

While the whole making a first move in an established relationship I don't find to be a big deal, I will admit that it's a little bit awkward for me for a girl to ask me out first. I'm one of those guys that would much rather have the way-obvious hints and then I ask, instead of the girl just asking me out. Call me sexist, chauvinist, whatever, it's how I am.
But I, being poor, have only my dreams. I have spread my dreams under your feet; tread softly, because you tread on my dreams.

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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby podbaydoor » Wed Mar 10, 2010 12:02 am UTC

Meh. Maybe it's due to the types of people I usually wind up dating (nerds), but I find that hinting just leads to extra weeks of dancing around and uncertainty. So once I'm pretty sure he's interested, I just go ahead and make an overt move. Sometimes it turns into a mutual move.
tenet |ˈtenit|
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a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
noun
a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.

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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby CHR1110 » Wed Mar 10, 2010 1:09 am UTC

I honestly don't give two red cents whether I'm considered a "Manly man" or not. Sure, I've never been in a "proper" fight, but that's because nobody wants to fight someone (me) who will use every aspect and advantage of their equipment/environment, including weapons. (Yes, I do carry an assisted-opening knife. Never had to use it for anything more than opening boxes/cutting strings/etc., thank god...) I'm not much of one to care about working out, other than staying in the "not a tub of lard" category. I do cycle quite a bit, so I have rather muscular legs, when compared to my arms, but whatever. I do seem to have a talent for growing facial hair, but that doesn't matter, as I shave anyway. I have no hair on my chest, but do I care? Nope.

I say "Gender Roles/Expectations" should be canned. We live in a society that can figure out how to rocket people into space, fit an entire computer in your pocket, and cure diseases that used to plague the race. Isn't it time we said 'fuck these "rules"' as well?
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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby Shivahn » Wed Mar 10, 2010 8:35 am UTC

hawkmp4 wrote:
Peter Galbavy wrote:I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

:?

This. Exactly this. It's so hard to explain to people who don't experience it.


Man, I once told my mom that I felt like "if I were female, I'd be a lesbian" and then realized that almost all heterosexual men would say that.

I kind of was at a loss for words for why it was different for me, though, and why I felt I meant it differently than they would. But I really do mean that, and I don't think it's in the standard way.

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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby KestrelLowing » Thu Apr 22, 2010 6:08 pm UTC

Right now I don't really have much shame from gender expectations, but I wish that I could relate to people better and be more compassionate. Girls are supposed to understand people and be caring. People confuse me, and sometimes I really don't care.

I have a feeling that later in life, I'll feel really guilty. If I get married and have kids, I'm going to feel guilty for not staying at home and being a full-time mom. I could not see myself doing this even if there were no financial issues with staying at home. I simply would become overly depressed and that is not what I've ever planned on doing. I want to be an engineer, and I know I can be and have children, but I know I'll also feel guilty, especially if they go to daycare.

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Re: Gender Expectations and Shame

Postby HiddenCounter » Thu Apr 22, 2010 6:49 pm UTC

I seemed to have the opposite, I was part of the conformity when I was younger.

Fought, acted tough, followed sports religiously.


Now I will watch sports, but only if my team is in the playoffs. I just mainly do not care anymore; and I used to want to be the big stong duder. Now I do not care and generally rather play video games and go on the internet.
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