Dear Randall

Things that don't belong anywhere else. (Check first).

Moderators: Moderators General, Prelates, Magistrates

homicidalmunky
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2010 9:04 pm UTC

Dear Randall

Postby homicidalmunky » Tue Feb 02, 2010 9:19 pm UTC

I have a predicament of catastrophic proportions. I am not quite sure where I am supposed to put this, so I figured the general board would be the most apropos. I have a friend(no this isn't some backwards way of talking about myself, as I am a guy) named Ashley, or Smashley, whichever you prefer, who really would love to have your hand in marriage. If you would do her the honor of satisfying her every intellectual need for the rest of her life, that would be fabulous. I am also an ordained minister, so there would be no need to look for a priest, shaman, hobo, etc.

The only reason I am doing this and not her is due to the fact that your sheer awesomeness is far too intimidating for her to just outright say this. She lives in Texas but is very willing to move if necessary. In case you were wondering, no she's not fat.

Ok after quickly glancing at the contents of this post, I now realize that maybe a first date would be a better proposition.

Please respond ASAP. She will only wait 10 light years.

:)

User avatar
Izawwlgood
WINNING
Posts: 18686
Joined: Mon Nov 19, 2007 3:55 pm UTC
Location: There may be lovelier lovelies...

Re: Dear Randall

Postby Izawwlgood » Tue Feb 02, 2010 9:20 pm UTC

homicidalmunky wrote:She will only wait 10 light years.

She's really tall?
... with gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth, to tread the jeweled thrones of the Earth under his sandalled feet.

User avatar
lulzfish
Posts: 1214
Joined: Tue Dec 16, 2008 8:17 am UTC

Re: Dear Randall

Postby lulzfish » Tue Feb 02, 2010 9:29 pm UTC

Izawwlgood wrote:
homicidalmunky wrote:She will only wait 10 light years.

She's really tall?

I think he means 10 buzzwords, maybe?

User avatar
folkhero
Posts: 1775
Joined: Fri Aug 01, 2008 3:34 am UTC

Re: Dear Randall

Postby folkhero » Tue Feb 02, 2010 9:50 pm UTC

homicidalmunky wrote: no she's not fat.

That's good, seeing as how I couldn't even imagine another reason not to marry someone that you've never met before.
To all law enforcement entities, this is not an admission of guilt...

The Mighty Thesaurus
In your library, eating your students
Posts: 4399
Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 7:47 am UTC
Location: The Daily Bugle

Re: Dear Randall

Postby The Mighty Thesaurus » Tue Feb 02, 2010 11:32 pm UTC

homicidalmunky wrote:I have a friend(no this isn't some backwards way of talking about myself, as I am a guy) named Ashley, or Smashley, whichever you prefer, who really would love to have your hand in marriage.

There's no need to be coy; Randy lives in Gayssachusetts.
LE4dGOLEM wrote:your ability to tell things from things remains one of your skills.
Weeks wrote:Not only can you tell things from things, you can recognize when a thing is a thing

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

homicidalmunky
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2010 9:04 pm UTC

Re: Dear Randall

Postby homicidalmunky » Tue Feb 02, 2010 11:45 pm UTC

Haha yes ten buzzwords. I didn't wanna male anyone mad or perturbed about her not being fat. Just jokes. But the marriage proposal is real. No need for face to face interactions. She's low maintenance

User avatar
gmalivuk
GNU Terry Pratchett
Posts: 26818
Joined: Wed Feb 28, 2007 6:02 pm UTC
Location: Here and There
Contact:

Re: Dear Randall

Postby gmalivuk » Wed Feb 03, 2010 12:58 am UTC

Wow, random marriage proposals from complete strangers. Strangers who didn't have the guts to propose themselves, no less.

Yeah, I bet Randy will totally give two shits about your weird obsessed "friend"...
Unless stated otherwise, I do not care whether a statement, by itself, constitutes a persuasive political argument. I care whether it's true.
---
If this post has math that doesn't work for you, use TeX the World for Firefox or Chrome

(he/him/his)

User avatar
poxic
Eloquently Prismatic
Posts: 4756
Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2008 3:28 am UTC
Location: Left coast of Canada

Re: Dear Randall

Postby poxic » Wed Feb 03, 2010 1:22 am UTC

...when he finally gets around to visiting the forums again, maybe 2012 sometime?
The Supreme Ethical Rule: Act so as to elicit the best in others and thereby in thyself.
- Felix Adler, professor, lecturer, and reformer (13 Aug 1851-1933)

User avatar
Accipiter
Posts: 16
Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 10:05 pm UTC

Re: Dear Randall

Postby Accipiter » Wed Feb 03, 2010 1:44 am UTC

Hmm yeah I don't think this will work. What your friend needs is a dowry which is so awesome that Randall will forget that your friend is a random stranger, that the proposal was made via a forum post from a second persond and that this whole thread is probably a rather boring joke. (atleast I hope it is a joke.)
In other words travel to the ISS and occupy it! I mean who wouldn`t want to have his own international space station? Though since it's supposed to be a gift it's important that you don't forget the gigantic red ribbon.
But that alone won't be enough your friend must have some special talents. Let's see force powers are a must at least on the level of Luke Skywalker and it wouldn`t be a bad idea to use a raptor as a mount, one or two doctor titles wouldn`t hurt either oh and being Summer Glau would be good too.
I hope this will be useful for your friend it's all the help I can give you.

PS:Should that not work it's because I'm talking utter nonsense.

User avatar
NecklaceOfShadow
Posts: 775
Joined: Sun May 03, 2009 7:40 pm UTC
Location: In the alchemical aether
Contact:

Re: Dear Randall

Postby NecklaceOfShadow » Wed Feb 03, 2010 2:27 am UTC

Spoiler:
homicidalmunky wrote:I have a predicament of catastrophic proportions.


Ran out of alcohol?

(no this isn't some backwards way of talking about myself, as I am a guy)


...Ok? *completely pointless*

who really would love to have your hand in marriage


I was right!

If you would do her the honor of satisfying her every intellectual need for the rest of her life, that would be fabulous.


Nice euphemism //_>

I am also an ordained minister, so there would be no need to look for a priest, shaman, hobo, etc.


What a nice coincidence. Does your friend also just happen to have a house in Massachusetts?

The only reason I am doing this and not her is due to the fact that your sheer awesomeness is far too intimidating for her to just outright say this. She lives in Texas but is very willing to move if necessary.


Because the best relationships are based on unequal power dynamics and subservience, huh?

In case you were wondering, no she's not fat.


Because really, that's all men think about when choosing a partner. Which one's the least fat. I myself won't date a girl unless her BMI is at least 15.

Ok after quickly glancing at the contents of this post, I now realize that maybe a first date would be a better proposition.


Gee, you think!?

Please respond ASAP. She will only wait 10 light years.

:)


So... Is Randal supposed to meet her at the nearest solar system?


God, I hope this was a joke //_>
Significantly less weird than I used to be. Still pretty weird.

οὗτός ἐστιν Ἀγαμέμνων, ἐμὸς
πόσις, νεκρὸς δὲ τῆσδε δεξιᾶς χερός
ἔργον δικαίας τέκτονος. τάδ’ ὧδ’ ἔχει.

User avatar
suffer-cait
Yes, that's my perfectly normal house cat, why do you ask?
Posts: 2575
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 12:01 am UTC
Location: da aina
Contact:

Re: Dear Randall

Postby suffer-cait » Wed Feb 03, 2010 7:06 am UTC

The Mighty Thesaurus wrote:Gayassachusetts.
fix'd
ImageImageImageImageImage

HiddenCounter
Posts: 165
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2010 1:05 am UTC
Contact:

Re: Dear Randall

Postby HiddenCounter » Wed Feb 03, 2010 7:33 am UTC

suffer-cait wrote:
The Mighty Thesaurus wrote:Gayassachusetts.
fix'd
This guy is just trolling.
http://www.freesportsbet.com/HiddenCounter.html Free Bets, pm me for details on the validity and rules.

User avatar
poxic
Eloquently Prismatic
Posts: 4756
Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2008 3:28 am UTC
Location: Left coast of Canada

Re: Dear Randall

Postby poxic » Wed Feb 03, 2010 7:42 am UTC

No, suffer-cait has been around a long while. That's just her sense of humour.

HiddenCounter, maybe you should lurk a while and get to know people better here.
The Supreme Ethical Rule: Act so as to elicit the best in others and thereby in thyself.
- Felix Adler, professor, lecturer, and reformer (13 Aug 1851-1933)

HiddenCounter
Posts: 165
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2010 1:05 am UTC
Contact:

Re: Dear Randall

Postby HiddenCounter » Wed Feb 03, 2010 7:46 am UTC

poxic wrote:No, suffer-cait has been around a long while. That's just her sense of humour.

HiddenCounter, maybe you should lurk a while and get to know people better here.
I didn't mean to quote, I meant the O.P


I just press quote to get to the reply faster. I should of deleted the quote part.
http://www.freesportsbet.com/HiddenCounter.html Free Bets, pm me for details on the validity and rules.

User avatar
CueBall
Posts: 477
Joined: Sun Apr 26, 2009 6:50 pm UTC
Location: Somewhere with a gherkin in the middle.
Contact:

Re: Dear Randall

Postby CueBall » Wed Feb 03, 2010 8:42 am UTC

HiddenCounter wrote:
poxic wrote:No, suffer-cait has been around a long while. That's just her sense of humour.

HiddenCounter, maybe you should lurk a while and get to know people better here.
I didn't mean to quote, I meant the O.P


I just press quote to get to the reply faster. I should of deleted the quote part.


Yes. Yes you should. I however, will marry this girl.

I give you my word!

And my bow!

And my axe!
Spoiler:
Zohar wrote:Cueball is being generally hilarious today.
Sungura wrote:Cueball, I...I...
...
<3
Box Boy wrote:Now let us wait for the outcome of CueBall's fight to the death!

User avatar
Zohar
COMMANDER PORN
Posts: 8565
Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2007 8:45 pm UTC
Location: Denver

Re: Dear Randall

Postby Zohar » Wed Feb 03, 2010 8:49 am UTC

CueBall wrote:Yes. Yes you should. I however, will marry this girl.

Good. Randall's MINE.

Maybe I can clone him and make him gay.
Mighty Jalapeno: "See, Zohar agrees, and he's nice to people."
SecondTalon: "Still better looking than Jesus."

Not how I say my name

User avatar
bigglesworth
I feel like Biggles should have a title
Posts: 7461
Joined: Sat Apr 07, 2007 9:29 pm UTC
Location: Airstrip One

Re: Dear Randall

Postby bigglesworth » Wed Feb 03, 2010 9:04 am UTC

I thought they got rid of all the old cloning tanks that had the side effect of making the person gay?
Generation Y. I don't remember the First Gulf War, but do remember floppy disks.

User avatar
CueBall
Posts: 477
Joined: Sun Apr 26, 2009 6:50 pm UTC
Location: Somewhere with a gherkin in the middle.
Contact:

Re: Dear Randall

Postby CueBall » Wed Feb 03, 2010 9:06 am UTC

Zohar wrote:
CueBall wrote:Yes. Yes you should. I however, will marry this girl.

Good. Randall's MINE.

Maybe I can clone him and make him gay.


Then clone the clone. We could use them as fuel! Or food!

bigglesworth wrote:I thought they got rid of all the old cloning tanks that had the side effect of making the person gay?


After Julian Clary was cloned from Rambo?
Spoiler:
Zohar wrote:Cueball is being generally hilarious today.
Sungura wrote:Cueball, I...I...
...
<3
Box Boy wrote:Now let us wait for the outcome of CueBall's fight to the death!

User avatar
the tree
Posts: 801
Joined: Mon Apr 02, 2007 6:23 pm UTC
Location: Behind you

Re: Dear Randall

Postby the tree » Wed Feb 03, 2010 11:24 am UTC

bigglesworth wrote:I thought they got rid of all the old cloning tanks that had the side effect of making the person gay?
If by gotten rid of you mean I took them all and have them stacked up in my garage, then yes.

User avatar
Arancaytar
Posts: 1642
Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2007 12:54 am UTC
Location: 52.44°N, 13.55°E
Contact:

Re: Dear Randall

Postby Arancaytar » Wed Feb 03, 2010 12:49 pm UTC

Ashley, or Smashley, whichever you prefer, who really would love to have your hand in marriage. If you would do her the honor of satisfying her every intellectual need for the rest of her life, that would be fabulous. I am also an ordained minister, so there would be no need to look for a priest, shaman, hobo, etc.


Man, I need to start a webcomic.
"You cannot dual-wield the sharks. One is enough." -Our DM.
Image

User avatar
Kewangji
Has Been Touched
Posts: 2254
Joined: Sun Oct 07, 2007 5:20 pm UTC
Location: Lost in Translation
Contact:

Re: Dear Randall

Postby Kewangji » Wed Feb 03, 2010 1:07 pm UTC

bigglesworth wrote:I thought they got rid of all the old cloning tanks that had the side effect of making the person gay?

I have a pill that makes a person gay for two hours. That's just like, 4400 pills a year. Easily done.
If you like my words sign up for my newsletter, Airport Tattoo Parlour: https://tinyletter.com/distantstations

The Great Hippo wrote:Nuclear bombs are like potato chips, you can't stop after just *one*

User avatar
philsov
Not a fan of Diane Kruger
Posts: 1350
Joined: Sat Sep 20, 2008 7:58 pm UTC
Location: Texas

Re: Dear Randall

Postby philsov » Wed Feb 03, 2010 5:35 pm UTC

Zohar wrote:Maybe I can clone him and make him gay.


I think if he got cloned (or any of us, really!) the first thing that'd happen is he'd make out with himself. You'd be pre-empted from the get-go :|
The time and seasons go on, but all the rhymes and reasons are wrong
I know I'll discover after its all said and done I should've been a nun.

User avatar
Weeks
Hey Baby, wanna make a fortnight?
Posts: 2023
Joined: Sat Aug 23, 2008 12:41 am UTC
Location: Ciudad de Panamá, Panamá

Re: Dear Randall

Postby Weeks » Wed Feb 03, 2010 5:53 pm UTC

Huuuulk....SMASHLEY!
TaintedDeity wrote:Tainted Deity
suffer-cait wrote:One day I'm gun a go visit weeks and discover they're just a computer in a trashcan at an ice cream shop.
Dthen wrote:FUCK CHRISTMAS FUCK EVERYTHING FUCK YOU TOO FUCK OFF

User avatar
folkhero
Posts: 1775
Joined: Fri Aug 01, 2008 3:34 am UTC

Re: Dear Randall

Postby folkhero » Wed Feb 03, 2010 6:25 pm UTC

philsov wrote:
Zohar wrote:Maybe I can clone him and make him gay.


I think if he got cloned (or any of us, really!) the first thing that'd happen is he'd make out with himself. You'd be pre-empted from the get-go :|

I know some identical twins that I don't think make out with each other, and if I found out that I had an identical twin, I don't think I would make out with him (clones are essential the same as identical twins). Also making out with babies is very much frowned upon in our culture (since a clone would have to start out as a baby just like the rest of us). Or are you using some sci-fi magic definition of clone that involves the clone being full grown instantly (or at least very quickly) with all the memories and personality of the cloned? I would totally make out with that sort of clone of myself.
To all law enforcement entities, this is not an admission of guilt...

User avatar
Lord Aurora
Posts: 566
Joined: Mon Mar 03, 2008 6:14 am UTC

Re: Dear Randall

Postby Lord Aurora » Wed Feb 03, 2010 8:22 pm UTC

HiddenCounter wrote:
poxic wrote:No, suffer-cait has been around a long while. That's just her sense of humour.

HiddenCounter, maybe you should lurk a while and get to know people better here.
I didn't mean to quote, I meant the O.P


I just press quote to get to the reply faster. I should of deleted the quote part.
TMT has been around a while, too...not that he's not trolling, but...
Decker wrote:Children! Children! There's no need to fight. You're ALL stupid.

homicidalmunky
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2010 9:04 pm UTC

Re: Dear Randall

Postby homicidalmunky » Wed Feb 03, 2010 10:10 pm UTC

Arancaytar wrote: Man, I need to start a webcomic.

that's basically all it takes to impress her.

And to answer you all, yes this is a joke. She has a tendency to want to marry pretty much anything that will entertain her for more than 2 seconds. And sorry I didn't reply sooner, I was at work last night and this morning and not able to get to a computron3000.

User avatar
CombustibleLemons
Posts: 471
Joined: Wed Jul 29, 2009 12:58 am UTC
Location: In Your computer. go on check.

Re: Dear Randall

Postby CombustibleLemons » Thu Feb 04, 2010 1:22 am UTC

poxic wrote:...when he finally gets around to visiting the forums again, maybe 2012 sometime?

the first thing i thought of when i saw this thread was when was the last time randall visited?
You, sir, name? wrote:Just make sure to consistently whack it in the ass, as that's one end it does not shoot fire out of. Be careless with the flame-magic and it may just shoot fire out both ends.

User avatar
Briareos
Posts: 1940
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2007 12:40 pm UTC
Location: Town of the Big House

Re: Dear Randall

Postby Briareos » Thu Feb 04, 2010 1:26 am UTC

xkcd's profile wrote:Last visited: Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:02 pm
There you go.
Sandry wrote:Bless you, Briareos.

Blriaraisghaasghoasufdpt.
Oregonaut wrote:Briareos is my new bestest friend.

User avatar
Pez Dispens3r
is not a stick figure.
Posts: 2079
Joined: Thu Dec 04, 2008 3:08 am UTC
Location: Australia
Contact:

Re: Dear Randall

Postby Pez Dispens3r » Thu Feb 04, 2010 1:52 am UTC

how the hell did I do that?
Last edited by Pez Dispens3r on Thu Feb 04, 2010 3:04 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
Mighty Jalapeno wrote:I feel like you're probably an ocelot, and I feel like I want to eat you. Feeling is fun!
this isn't my cow

smashley
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2010 9:32 pm UTC

Re: Dear Randall

Postby smashley » Thu Feb 04, 2010 2:29 am UTC

gmalivuk wrote:Wow, random marriage proposals from complete strangers. Strangers who didn't have the guts to propose themselves, no less.

Yeah, I bet Randy will totally give two shits about your weird obsessed "friend"...




wow, you seem to be pretty angry. aww you really made me feel like a bad person!
stfu.

smashley
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2010 9:32 pm UTC

Re: Dear Randall

Postby smashley » Thu Feb 04, 2010 2:29 am UTC

homicidalmunky wrote:
Arancaytar wrote: Man, I need to start a webcomic.

that's basically all it takes to impress her.

And to answer you all, yes this is a joke. She has a tendency to want to marry pretty much anything that will entertain her for more than 2 seconds. And sorry I didn't reply sooner, I was at work last night and this morning and not able to get to a computron3000.




/win its true.

Please don't double-post. -L

crowey
That's DOCTOR Crowey, to you
Posts: 1603
Joined: Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:52 pm UTC
Location: UK

Re: Dear Randall

Postby crowey » Thu Feb 04, 2010 2:38 am UTC

Protip: telling a mod to STFU in your first post is probably a bad idea. Especially a mod who is an actual real life friend of the guy you want to marry.

Also there's an edit button so that you don't need to double post.

User avatar
TheGrammarBolshevik
Posts: 4878
Joined: Mon Jun 30, 2008 2:12 am UTC
Location: Going to and fro in the earth, and walking up and down in it.

Re: Dear Randall

Postby TheGrammarBolshevik » Thu Feb 04, 2010 2:49 am UTC

smashley wrote:wow, you seem to be pretty angry. ... stfu.

Hmm...

Image
Nothing rhymes with orange,
Not even sporange.

User avatar
poxic
Eloquently Prismatic
Posts: 4756
Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2008 3:28 am UTC
Location: Left coast of Canada

Re: Dear Randall

Postby poxic » Thu Feb 04, 2010 2:54 am UTC

So who's taking bets on smashley and homicidalmunky being the same person, and that person being a deathly-bored young teen who feels like telling some really tall tales online where no one can see him/her?
The Supreme Ethical Rule: Act so as to elicit the best in others and thereby in thyself.
- Felix Adler, professor, lecturer, and reformer (13 Aug 1851-1933)

User avatar
TheGrammarBolshevik
Posts: 4878
Joined: Mon Jun 30, 2008 2:12 am UTC
Location: Going to and fro in the earth, and walking up and down in it.

Re: Dear Randall

Postby TheGrammarBolshevik » Thu Feb 04, 2010 2:58 am UTC

Well, he/she/they clearly prefers/prefer posting this stuff online, but it's not like stalky fans are unheard of.
Nothing rhymes with orange,
Not even sporange.

homicidalmunky
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2010 9:04 pm UTC

Re: Dear Randall

Postby homicidalmunky » Thu Feb 04, 2010 3:04 am UTC

We're definitely not the same person, but I will have to apologize for her response. She's upset she has no chance now.

This all just started because she told me she wanted to marry Randall, so I said I'll find a way. It's definitely not to be taken seriously and most certainly didn't mean to offend anyone. I'll just continue reading the comics in solitude and leave you all be.

:)

Edit: in response to the post above, I have no problem showing you who I am. http://www.facebook.com/homicidalmunky?ref=profile I'm not trying to hide behind a firewall.

User avatar
suffer-cait
Yes, that's my perfectly normal house cat, why do you ask?
Posts: 2575
Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 12:01 am UTC
Location: da aina
Contact:

Re: Dear Randall

Postby suffer-cait » Thu Feb 04, 2010 3:14 am UTC

CueBall wrote:
HiddenCounter wrote:
poxic wrote:No, suffer-cait has been around a long while. That's just her sense of humour.

HiddenCounter, maybe you should lurk a while and get to know people better here.
I didn't mean to quote, I meant the O.P


I just press quote to get to the reply faster. I should of deleted the quote part.


Yes. Yes you should. I however, will marry this girl.

I give you my word!

And my bow!

And my axe!

wait...me? oh the non-existant one, good luck
ImageImageImageImageImage

homicidalmunky
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2010 9:04 pm UTC

Re: Dear Randall

Postby homicidalmunky » Thu Feb 04, 2010 3:15 am UTC

that can be arranged. muahahahah!

User avatar
gmalivuk
GNU Terry Pratchett
Posts: 26818
Joined: Wed Feb 28, 2007 6:02 pm UTC
Location: Here and There
Contact:

Re: Dear Randall

Postby gmalivuk » Thu Feb 04, 2010 3:52 am UTC

crowey wrote:Protip: telling a mod to STFU in your first post is probably a bad idea.

Meh, I'm not a mod in General, and even if I were, telling me to stfu would only be a particularly bad idea if it was in response to something I posted in modtext and you decided to argue with it in-thread.
Unless stated otherwise, I do not care whether a statement, by itself, constitutes a persuasive political argument. I care whether it's true.
---
If this post has math that doesn't work for you, use TeX the World for Firefox or Chrome

(he/him/his)

User avatar
AJR
Posts: 327
Joined: Tue Apr 01, 2008 9:53 pm UTC
Location: London

Re: Dear Randall

Postby AJR » Thu Feb 04, 2010 4:06 pm UTC

CueBall wrote:
Zohar wrote:
CueBall wrote:Yes. Yes you should. I however, will marry this girl.

Good. Randall's MINE.

Maybe I can clone him and make him gay.


Then clone the clone. We could use them as fuel! Or food!

Can I have my own pet Randall? Pleaseeeeeee? I'll pet it, and feed it, and I promise I'll clean out it's tank every week.


Return to “General”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 30 guests