How many would it take?

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Lani
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How many would it take?

Postby Lani » Sat Nov 11, 2006 1:19 am UTC

Here's the situation:

You're locked in an empty room. It's a fight to the death. All of you have had one day of martial arts training.

Just how many five-year-olds would it take to take you down?




Discuss. :D


My answer:

Kids have an amazing ability to jump on and hang on. Considering that I am not a large person, I'd say maybe 8.


(I do hope this isn't stretching the forum's good taste...I have a dark sense of humor; I blame my job...Mods, let me know if this is awesome...)

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Postby miles01110 » Sat Nov 11, 2006 2:36 am UTC

Well, it depends on if they all rushed you at once. if this was the case, I'll be perfectly honest, I could take on at least 14 in the initial wave, and if I survived that the others would be so scared I could probably beat up more than 31.

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Postby aldimond » Sat Nov 11, 2006 2:41 am UTC

Depends on the size of the room. If it's a big room I could better use my advantages in speed and endurance and be able to disperse the mob better. A hard floor and walls would also help me, I think.

To be honest, I think I could survive quite a large number given a square room, 1 kilometer on each side. I am a long-distance runner ;-), and kids at that age aren't smart enough not to chase me.

In a smaller room, my lack of quickness and balance and my bad knee would do me in. Five to ten on average, it would vary wildly from instance to instance I think, because if I could survive an initial barrage each of their subsequent charges would be successively weaker.

On the other hand, I don't know if I could stomach killing kids beyond absolute self-defense. Kids generally aren't hard to scare. If they spoke English I could probably get their attention and work out a truce.

...

I mean, HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY MAKE ME THINK THESE THINGS?!!?! I am not going to be able to at the parents of young children at my Frisbee game tomorrow without feeling like a serious asshole... :oops:

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Re: How many would it take?

Postby svk1325 » Sat Nov 11, 2006 2:48 am UTC

I'd say maybe 7 or 8 for me.

I did it with four of my cousins at the same time, they were the same age as me (14, if you didn't read the intro thread). They would pile up pillows on top of me (so no one would get seriously hurt) and then just lay on top of them. I pushed upward and got out in about 10 seconds. So... uh...
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Postby Hawknc » Sat Nov 11, 2006 3:12 am UTC

I've answered this exact question before at another forum. Wierd.


Anyway, the answer is always 42.

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Postby rachel » Sat Nov 11, 2006 3:24 am UTC

So I worked in a daycare for near-on six months, and you may think you can take them, but those little kids are fucking tough. They get up and come back for more. They also bite and sometimes kick. And one little girl punched another little girl in the face once. All I am saying is, I could take maybe six before they got me.

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Postby AdamZ » Sat Nov 11, 2006 4:57 am UTC

Depends on what you mean by "take you down"... It seems like it would take a rather large amount of 5-year-olds to actually kill me, but then again, if they sat on my neck or something maybe it would only take a few.

So, are these smart five-year-olds? Like, raptors dressed up as kids? Or are they of average kid intelligence, such that I can take down many before they kill me?

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Postby Peshmerga » Sat Nov 11, 2006 5:00 am UTC

One if they bite.
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Postby Ephphatha » Sat Nov 11, 2006 5:10 am UTC

I'm going to be an optimist and say a few hundred.

Only about 20 would be within striking distance at any one time, and thats if they pile on top of one another so it'd be even easier to fend them off. If they just take to grabbing me to try pull me down, then thats fine. I can pull along four adults (two on each leg) so a bunch of kids should be easy. If they make a giant human pyramid on top of me I'm screwed however.
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Postby bv2 » Sat Nov 11, 2006 5:14 am UTC

With kids being naturally exuberant, while I, on the other hand, am naturally lethargic, I would lose to even three of them kicking, screaming and all over me like crazy string.

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Postby Narsil » Sat Nov 11, 2006 5:47 am UTC

I think the answer lies within your ability to use children as a bludgeoning/projectile weapon.

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Postby Corvin » Sat Nov 11, 2006 6:00 am UTC

Narsil wrote:I think the answer lies within your ability to use children as a bludgeoning/projectile weapon.


damn, you beat me to it.

spinning airplanes, body drops, drop kicks, weak points (face, stomach, knees...), and pure orneryness on my part would all contribute to being able to take out quite a few. im thinking 15-20.

meaning i could handle being a kindergarten teacher.

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Postby moopanda » Sat Nov 11, 2006 6:26 am UTC

I think I could hold off 5 year olds for quite a while. I can't imagine it would be hard to get a 5 year old to stay down if you're really trying, so it would probably be when I got tired. I play a fair bit of sport so I reckon I could last at least 20 minutes (this would be really tiring). 20 minutes, say 5 children a minute... I think 100 would do me in.

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Re: How many would it take?

Postby Gelsamel » Sat Nov 11, 2006 8:13 am UTC

lani wrote:Here's the situation:

You're locked in an empty room. It's a fight to the death. All of you have had one day of martial arts training.

Just how many five-year-olds would it take to take you down?




Discuss. :D


My answer:

Kids have an amazing ability to jump on and hang on. Considering that I am not a large person, I'd say maybe 8.


(I do hope this isn't stretching the forum's good taste...I have a dark sense of humor; I blame my job...Mods, let me know if this is not ok...)



A damn hell lot.

Edit: I do Aikijujutsu.

Edit: Aikijujutsu is the father of Aikido, so it's basically like Aikido except alot more violent.

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Postby aldimond » Sat Nov 11, 2006 8:33 am UTC

Well, I guess we answered the question about this forum's good taste. :twisted:

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Postby Nomic » Sat Nov 11, 2006 11:41 am UTC

SInce it probably wo't take more than 1 kick in the face to bring them down, it depend son how many come at once. With only 1 I could last aslong as I could keep kickign at me, with 5 or 10 I could probably still kill a lot, but if hundreds of them swarmed over me I would probably die rather quickly.

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Postby Rat » Sat Nov 11, 2006 1:35 pm UTC

the kids had martial arts training too?
i dont get the martial arts training part >_>

i guess my answer depends on how many kids could fit in the room with me...

ill take em all down.

edit: everyone on the forum had one day martial arts training?

does that mean my tae kwon do training (which i wouldnt use anyway) is taken away?

maybe im just thinking about it too much...

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Postby LE4dGOLEM » Sat Nov 11, 2006 5:47 pm UTC

Rat wrote:the kids had martial arts training too?
i dont get the martial arts training part >_>

i guess my answer depends on how many kids could fit in the room with me...

ill take em all down.

edit: everyone on the forum had one day martial arts training?

does that mean my tae kwon do training (which i wouldnt use anyway) is taken away?

maybe im just thinking about it too much...


one day of martial arts training TOTAL, so basically you are at the same martial-skill level as the five year olds. You are still however, bigger, stronger and faster. Now, remember, a raptor runs at 10m/s ... no wait.

I think the best way of imagining the room is some kind of non-infinite large size. EG you have one wall, and it is several miles to the corner. or perhaps a circular wall... or a spherical room? Some kind of hollowed out planet?

Now, having fought a 4, 5, 11 and 16 year old at once at the age of 13 and coming out victor, I'm pretty confident I could take out a number in the high twenties/low thirties...
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Postby hiddenmaniac » Sat Nov 11, 2006 7:16 pm UTC

Depends on the species. Do you mean 5-year-old raptors?
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Postby Gemini25RB » Sat Nov 11, 2006 7:58 pm UTC

Are we allowed to kill/seriously hurt the kids? If so, I'm putting my number in the 30's, at least. Otherwise, I'd probably be looking at <10.
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Postby Verysillyman » Sun Nov 12, 2006 1:55 am UTC

Has anyone linked to the article about this? I think it was on mcsweeneys.net

The final answer was i think 8. But they were 12 year olds. I don't remember. Leave me alone.

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Postby Lani » Sun Nov 12, 2006 3:30 am UTC

I had heard about the question on a different forum, so I didn't realize that there was an article.


So what if the situation were slightly different, like the 5 year olds were feral or something?
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Postby Jack Saladin » Sun Nov 12, 2006 3:33 am UTC

What if they were 5 year old ninjas?

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Postby BigMcStrongmuscle » Sun Nov 12, 2006 4:41 am UTC

Hmm...one day of traditional martial arts training is enough for basic stances, kicks and punches, but it's definitely not enough to learn anything other than groin strikes that can hurt a guy thrice your height. The head and face are out of reach unless they knock me over. I'm not a big guy, but family reunions tell me I can handle being mobbed by 4 kids and still throw them off without too much work. Most of those were a lot older than 5, so call it 6-7 five-year-olds. I doubt a five-year-old could kick me (let alone punch) with enough force to break bones, so no worries about them targetting legs or arms. Further, they don't know much about tactics yet, so they probably swarm instead of using any kind of coordinated plan. So no planned duck-and-trip gags (where they charge you from the front so you trip over the one on the floor behind you); likewise for the wolf pack technique (where they circle around you, send in one or two to harass you, and then constantly jump you from behind). They might also bite hard enough to draw blood, which wouldn't get you instantly, but would sap your strength as things drew out, and also would be really freaking creepy

A solid kick could break bones and keep one down for a while, but five-year-olds bounce, so probably not for good. If they are berserkers, charging at me with broken bones (I doubt most five-year olds would), I'd need to deal a finishing blow while they were down. I couldn't bring myself to do that to a normal five-year-old, but if they were in that kind of blood frenzy, I'd be scared enough to change my mind. Five-year-olds also have miniature fission reactors in their chests, so wearing them out isn't an option.

Biggest worries: Protecting the groin, not falling over, staying in open ground, and not letting them get behind or close enough to bite. If all that was covered, and if I had no qualms about killing them, (I dunno, if they were zombies, obviously and horrifically murderous, or if I was heavily drugged with some kind of disinhibitor) I think I could survive against an unlimited number for a good twenty minutes before getting swarmed.

If I was going for damage, I'm thinking I could down 20 or so before I tired out and things got dicey. At that point, any more than 3 could probably take out my knees and get at my face. So call it 24. Also, the room's empty, but if the floor is made of dirt, sand, or has loose rocks, being blinded or continually struck with rocks would bring me down right quick. In that case, halve the number to 12.

EDIT: If they were 5-year old ninjas, anyone could handle any number, as long as there are more than three. Movies clearly show that ninjas grow exponentially weaker as you add more ninjas. One ninja can kill just about anything he's faced with, but if you ever see more than three on screen at once, 90% of them generally die within a few minutes.

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Postby Jack Saladin » Sun Nov 12, 2006 5:02 am UTC

EDIT: If they were 5-year old ninjas, anyone could handle any number, as long as there are more than three. Movies clearly show that ninjas grow exponentially weaker as you add more ninjas. One ninja can kill just about anything he's faced with, but if you ever see more than three on screen at once, 90% of them generally die within a few minutes.


I think you'll find this a situation much like the one instance in Jurassic Park where someone survives a raptor attack. The "mass numbers of ninjas are weaker than sole ninja" rumour is the perfect ruse put forth by the ninja community. How many pirates have been killed when they confidently walked into a ninja dojo, sure that the huge numbers of ninjas would keep them safe from harm? Many.

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Postby hermaj » Sun Nov 12, 2006 7:00 am UTC

I've done a kids program before! I have dealt with about twenty kids for about 6 hours a day launching themselves at my waist and yelling at me. I got through it okay if I was allowed to have lots and lots and LOTS of hot chocolate. Is there a cafe express machine thingy in the room? If there is, then I guess about twenty each wave. If there is not, probably about four. In total.

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Postby myoumyouou » Sun Nov 12, 2006 7:40 am UTC

lots
cuz once i'd taken out one
i'd grab him/her by the legs and use him/her as a club to bludgeon others
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Postby starvingartist » Sun Nov 12, 2006 11:58 pm UTC

I think as long as you have a microphone and tell the kids their mommies died or something horrible like that, then you can take on as many kids as possible, in hearing distance that is. But the incessant crying may eventually tear you down.

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Postby Peshmerga » Mon Nov 13, 2006 12:00 am UTC

"YOUR MOTHER IS DEAD!!"

"Yayy!!!"
i hurd u liek mudkips???

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Postby svk1325 » Mon Nov 13, 2006 12:32 am UTC

Hm... speaking of movies, didn't you ever notice how they are never life a real-life fight would be? The other ninjas (or whatever is being fought) would never wait patiently to fight one-on-one with you.

But seriously, I think it would matter if we were allowed to hurt them or not, or if we have anything on hand (throw a cell phone at them? :D ) to use as a weapon.

But this wouldn't apply to me anyways, I've had about three years of martial arts training already.
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Postby moopanda » Mon Nov 13, 2006 12:33 am UTC

Mental note: Don't start any fight in the xkcd commune, everyone else is martial arts trained.

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Postby Lani » Mon Nov 13, 2006 12:35 am UTC

- Lani



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Postby myoumyouou » Mon Nov 13, 2006 10:15 am UTC

i agree with moopanda
you're all arsekicking nerdlings
i too have had small amounts of martial arts training,
and a fair amount of streetfighting experience (not the game, actual streetfighting, cuz i'm tall ppl are all "hey lets see if we can beat up the tall guy", just for the record, they can't). but yeah, i try not to fight if i can help it,
but little kids, and pre-teens who sing whatever song is on the radio at the moment really loudly and off key, yeah they deserve the beatings they recieve
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Postby hermaj » Mon Nov 13, 2006 10:43 am UTC

Also emo kids, maybe?

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Postby Verysillyman » Mon Nov 13, 2006 11:02 am UTC

Emo kids are cute!

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Postby Gelsamel » Mon Nov 13, 2006 11:07 am UTC

hermaj wrote:Also emo kids, maybe?


Infinite, they would kill themselfs.

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Postby Narsil » Mon Nov 13, 2006 3:31 pm UTC

Hey, you know what would be awesome? A parody video from The Matrix Reloaded, where Neo is fighting a bunch of balding Agent Smith babies! How cute!

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Postby myoumyouou » Mon Nov 13, 2006 3:52 pm UTC

emo kids are suprisingly cute
i don't know what it is about them
but their hair and the eyeliner is hot
i do hate their whinging, and their mainstream 'we hate society, leave us alone, my chemical romance' my chemical romance music makes me want to kill someone, but yeah, i dunno
i'm strange like that
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Postby fjafjan » Mon Nov 13, 2006 7:20 pm UTC

Ephphatha wrote:I'm going to be an optimist and say a few hundred..


100 6 year old with an average weight of 20kg, would be 2 tons, that is the equivalent of a pretty big car. Now you may be able to hold them off for a while, but seriously, if you manage to kill 50, which is quite an archievmen, you'd most likely be exhausted, kids however... and there'd be another 50 left, so that's another ton of kicking and biting.

And i have to say, if they go for the balls, no one could take more than 20. (well, women i suppose)

Personally i think around 10 kids, depending on size, intelligence, luck etc. If they were your average kid then it would probably take quite alot, being so easily scared. If they were savage and unfrightenable however... yeah ca 10.
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