The Rules of Life

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mosiajam
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The Rules of Life

Postby mosiajam » Tue Aug 31, 2010 4:59 pm UTC

This thread is dedicated to posting the "Rules of Life" you have gathered in your many (or few) experiences. I'll start.

1. Everything is always anticlimactic. Always.
2. Being smart or strong doesn't make you superior to others any more than having an expensive Swiss Army Knife does. It just better prepares you for certain tasks.
3. There is no inherent purpose in life that can be observed or measured. Purpose is a word invented by people. Your purpose is invented by you.
4. Being emotional is important. Emotions can help make good decisions. Showing all those emotions is, however, stupid. Never give anyone the advantage of knowing what decisions you're likely to make.
5. It's not that hard to condition yourself to be smart or strong, even if you are neither. I can testify to this.

Disclaimer: I'm 17 years old, so my experiences will be limited. I'm very possibly wrong about a few things.

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Oregonaut
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby Oregonaut » Tue Aug 31, 2010 5:17 pm UTC

U.S. Marine Corps Rules:

1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.

Navy SEALS Rules:

1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.

U.S. Army Rangers Rules:

1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.

U.S. Army Rules:

1. Select a new beret to wear.
2. Sew patches on right shoulder.
3. Change the color of beret you decide to wear.

US Air Force Rules:

1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"
5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" PowerPoint presentation.
6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 1345 tee-time.

US Navy Rules:

1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Watch porn.
4. Deploy the Marines.
- Ochigo the Earth-Stomper

The EGE wrote:
Mumpy wrote:And to this day, librarians revile Oregonaut as the Antichrist.

False! We sacrifice our card catalogues to him in the name of Job Security!

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TheKrikkitWars
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby TheKrikkitWars » Tue Aug 31, 2010 6:58 pm UTC

0. Friends, Self, Others, Stuff is the order of priority.
    0.1 You don't have to be friends with your family members, but it's much nicer that way.

1. Never let them see you bleed
    1.1 Unless you're actually bleeding, because that probably needs seeing to.
    1.2 ABC does not stand for Airways, Bleeding, Cyclizine

2. If shit is being served, ask for a double helping, and make sure to return it when it comes out the other side.

3. If in doubt, ask.

4. If still in doubt, do what your reckon.

5. If following rule 4, make it deniable.

6.0 Never fight to prove a point or make someone back down, Only ever fight to win; If concern for your opponent outweighs your desire to win, you will lose.
    6.1 that applies doubly to actual physical altercations.

7.0 Down in one you zulu warrior!
    7.1 Any problem caused by beer can be solved with more beer.
    7.2 Any problem caused by Whisky/Whiskey cannot be solved with more Whisky.
    7.3 Any problem caused by Gin cannot be solved
      7.3.1 this is especially pertinant for Sloe Gin

8. It's only cheating if it's prohibited, otherwise it's simply an initiative advantage.

9. If you need more than your right hand to count your closest friends, you're doing it wrong.
    9.1 Amputees can use their other hand
      9.1.1 Or nubs if they're really unlucky.

10. A gentleman never tells.
Great things are done when Men & Mountains meet,
This is not Done by Jostling in the Street.

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KrazyerKate
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby KrazyerKate » Tue Aug 31, 2010 8:01 pm UTC

Oregonaut wrote:5. Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet.


They totally stole that from The Sniper.

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TheKrikkitWars
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby TheKrikkitWars » Tue Aug 31, 2010 8:51 pm UTC

Oregonaut wrote:7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice.


Sounds like the cardinal rule of demolitions: P for Plenty!
Great things are done when Men & Mountains meet,
This is not Done by Jostling in the Street.

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Oregonaut
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby Oregonaut » Tue Aug 31, 2010 9:05 pm UTC

Seriously, the only rule they missed was the simple one:

Tracers work both ways.
- Ochigo the Earth-Stomper

The EGE wrote:
Mumpy wrote:And to this day, librarians revile Oregonaut as the Antichrist.

False! We sacrifice our card catalogues to him in the name of Job Security!

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TommyTumnus
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby TommyTumnus » Tue Aug 31, 2010 10:14 pm UTC

1. Nobody gets hurt
2. Fuck all else

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Midnight
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby Midnight » Tue Aug 31, 2010 10:31 pm UTC

The rule I hold above all others:
"Try and realize when you're fucking up. If you're fucking up, stop doing it. Don't do it again."
Which can be summed up as "Learn your shit."
uhhhh fuck.

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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby pseudoidiot » Tue Aug 31, 2010 10:49 pm UTC

Rule 0: don't be a dick
Derailed : Gaming Outside the Box.
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mosiajam
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby mosiajam » Wed Sep 01, 2010 2:43 am UTC

Midnight wrote:The rule I hold above all others:
"Try and realize when you're fucking up. If you're fucking up, stop doing it. Don't do it again."
Which can be summed up as "Learn your shit."


Except for scientists. A scientist always repeats a lab fuckup just to see exactly how and why the fuckup mechanism works.

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Vohu Manah
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby Vohu Manah » Wed Sep 01, 2010 4:18 am UTC

"If you have to ask, it probably is flammable."

"You can't hug a person with a nuclear weapon, but you can use it to keep a person from hugging you."

"You can't buy happiness. They don't accept Discover."

"The more friends you have, the more people available for organ transplants."
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby poxic » Wed Sep 01, 2010 4:39 am UTC

Life will take longer than you think to figure out. Every time you think you've got it, you'll find out that you overlooked something. Usually the hard way. (You're dumber than you think you are.)

You will eventually figure out your shit if you keep working at it, and if you keep measuring your opinions and beliefs against reality. (You're smarter than you think you are.)
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby BoomFrog » Wed Sep 01, 2010 4:55 am UTC

mosiajam wrote:Showing all those emotions is, however, stupid. Never give anyone the advantage of knowing what decisions you're likely to make.

I'm sad that you think this, life is not a competition. Letting a friend know what decisions your likely to make can give him an advantage in doing things that help both of you, and is therefore a good thing. Corollary is that, anyone who uses your emotions against you is not a friend.

1) People expect others to think the same way they do.

2) Almost everything can be solved by talking.

3) The best thing in life is a 100% trusting relationship.

4) If you lie eventually you will get caught, somehow by someone.

5) 3+4 means honesty really is the best policy, always, even with a stranger you'll likely never see again.
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby Gears » Wed Sep 01, 2010 4:56 am UTC

Oregonaut wrote:Seriously, the only rule they missed was the simple one: Tracers work both ways.
Never stand when you can sit. Never sit when you can lie down. Never stay awake when you can sleep. Take a shit whenever you can.

Marines shit tactically.
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby ++$_ » Wed Sep 01, 2010 5:25 am UTC

Rules for mathematicians:

1. If someone is confused, you weren't clear enough.
2. If you can't give an example, you don't understand it.
3. If you have to say it's obvious, it's not.
4. If Erdős couldn't solve it, neither can you. Probably.
5. Better to get ten minor results than try and fail to come up with one major one.
6. It always takes longer than you think it will take.
7. No one has ever understood an entire mathematics seminar or colloquium, so don't feel bad if you didn't understand.
8. When you give a mathematics seminar or colloquium, try to make it the first one in history that someone actually understands.
9. Explain how you got the idea or solved the problem; that's often more important than the idea or solution itself.
10. Don't be afraid to rewrite.
11. Use good notation.
12. Ask questions.

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Midnight
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby Midnight » Wed Sep 01, 2010 5:51 am UTC

mosiajam wrote:
Midnight wrote:The rule I hold above all others:
"Try and realize when you're fucking up. If you're fucking up, stop doing it. Don't do it again."
Which can be summed up as "Learn your shit."


Except for scientists. A scientist always repeats a lab fuckup just to see exactly how and why the fuckup mechanism works.

Repeating a lab accident to see how and why it works =/= fucking up. In fact, research is definitely included under Learning One's Shit.
uhhhh fuck.

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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby SurgicalSteel » Wed Sep 01, 2010 5:54 am UTC

Oregonaut wrote:6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."
Did you mean ".4"? I'm pretty certain a handgun that's 4.x caliber would be ridiculously large and unusable and a handgun that is 4.x mm would be pretty small.
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Anchorman screams that he's seen a monster (mayday)
There's blood stains on his shirt (mayday)
They say that he's gone berserk."
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Midnight
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby Midnight » Wed Sep 01, 2010 7:09 am UTC

When you say ".44" you don't say "a forty-four-hundreths" or a "point-forty-four", you say a "forty-four". Which, homophonically, sounds like it starts with a four.
uhhhh fuck.

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SurgicalSteel
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby SurgicalSteel » Wed Sep 01, 2010 8:27 am UTC

That's true, but he said "4." with a decimal. Come to think of it he may have been ending the sentence. That makes sense.
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Anchorman screams that he's seen a monster (mayday)
There's blood stains on his shirt (mayday)
They say that he's gone berserk."
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TheKrikkitWars
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby TheKrikkitWars » Wed Sep 01, 2010 8:52 am UTC

++$_ wrote:4. If Erdős couldn't solve it, neither can you. Probably.


That's a poor rule, as there are/will be people who are both bright enough and masochistic enough to push beyond Erdos...
Great things are done when Men & Mountains meet,
This is not Done by Jostling in the Street.

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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby SlyReaper » Wed Sep 01, 2010 9:01 am UTC

BoomFrog wrote:2) Almost everything can be solved by talking.
Bollocks. Unless by "solved" you mean "it goes the way of the dominant person in the room, and everyone else pretends to themselves that that's what they wanted all along".

4) If you lie eventually you will get caught, somehow by someone.
Also bollocks. I have lied before (admittedly a long time ago, as I try to be as honest as possible nowadays) and never been found out. If you always get found out, you're not good enough at lying. Rule of thumb is if it can be found out from another source, don't lie about it.

My rules:

1. Try not to piss people off if you can help it.
2. If you don't know something, know how to find out.
3. You can get more done with a kind word and a steely glare than you can with a kind word alone.
4. Give the kind word a try first.
5. You're going to fuck up at some point. Pray it's not on something critical, and that you have the opportunity to learn from it.
6. Everything can and must be joked about.
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby Silas » Wed Sep 01, 2010 9:18 am UTC

I have two rules for life. I used to have a third, but I kept forgetting what it was, and I decided that a rule I can never remember isn't a rule I have in a meaningful sense. So the slots for rules 3 and above are wide open. Here are 1 and 2 (corollaries are left as an exercise for the reader):

1) Never eat anything bigger than your head.
2) Never hit a Marine with a 2x4.
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby Plasma Man » Wed Sep 01, 2010 9:44 am UTC

Nothing is worth taking totally seriously, you have to make room for a little fun in your life.
Integrity is valuable, but can be hard to maintain.
Talking about nothing is a very human activity, you'll fit in better if you can master it.
Be polite to people. It doesn't cost you anything and people appreciate it.
Appearances are important: If you can create the impression that you're meant to be doing something, you'll probably get away with it.
You're probably not going to convert anyone to your world view, so don't have huge arguments about it.
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Promicin
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby Promicin » Wed Sep 01, 2010 12:29 pm UTC

Don't grieve for what you never had.
Be nice to people, just in case they're psycho killers.
Not all witches melt in water.
1 is not the loneliest number. 9 is.

mosiajam
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby mosiajam » Wed Sep 01, 2010 12:50 pm UTC

The most important Rule of Life. A human brain is limited in its algorithmic thinking capacities; hence, we can't beat Deep Blue, the chess engine; hence, we can't solve 435/192 to nineteen decimal places in our heads in five seconds. Logic is, unfortunately, almost always algorithmic. So clearly logic won't get you through everything. Emotions, however, aren't the manifestations of primal urges. In fact, they're heuristics specially coded into our minds subconsciously. They may have a logical basis, they may not. But they are heuristics generated through life's trials and errors. Strong chess players play with heuristics as much as they do with logic. Creative mathematicians and physicists use heuristics, at least in the "creative" part, before using algorithmic thought to get through the hard calculations.

Hence why I said earlier, emotions should be a part of rational decision making too, because many times, they're subconsciously rational themselves. Now, there's a limit, of course. If your emotions tell you to subvert science because God says so, the heuristic is most probably wrong. The logical brain still takes precedence over heuristics.

Off this topic, life is not a competition. The reason why it's stupid to open up to people, though, is because it's never safe to assume that others also think life's not a competition.

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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby styrofoam » Wed Sep 01, 2010 1:19 pm UTC

1. If everyone around you says something you want to do is stupid, ask them why. If they can't tell you ("That's the way it's always been(tm)" isn't telling you), and there are no gaping holes, or if they do tell you, and they're wrong, go ahead anyway, but be careful.
2. There's a reason your brain gets a disproportionate amount of your body's energy. Treat it accordingly.
3. Life is not a competition. There are plenty of competitions in it, but life proper isn't one. Not everyone agrees; beware.
4. Politeness doesn't cost you anything, and people around you like it; be polite.
5. Sometimes it's logical to rely in intuition.
6. Voice and correctness are the most important traits of writing. Your english teacher was/is wrong.
7. If it smells bad, don't eat it. If it looks bad, don't eat it. If, when you first taste it, it tastes bad, stop eating it. (these last three can be superceded by people around you enjoying it; the last one can't) If people who eat it seem to have a shorter lifespan than people who don't, don't eat it.
8. If it doesn't work, try to find out why. If it does work, make sure you can do it again. Unless it's dangerous; then just stop the first time.
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Kang
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby Kang » Wed Sep 01, 2010 2:05 pm UTC

Not much to add, a lot of good points already made, sorry if there are repeats.
Addendum:
a) The worst mistakes are the ones that you are aware of while making them
b) Emotions are not a very good basis for decisions. Especially important ones.
c) While you don't have to believe everything they say, listen to people around you. Learn from their mistakes, because you might not live through making all of them yourself.
d) Get along with people as far as you can. You don't have to like everyone, but being outright hostile might have dire consequences.
e) The majority of a group believing in something does not make them right, though it might be a good idea to think about your standpoint.
f) A good captain is the last to leave the ship.

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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby SecondTalon » Wed Sep 01, 2010 2:27 pm UTC

SurgicalSteel wrote:That's true, but he said "4." with a decimal. Come to think of it he may have been ending the sentence. That makes sense.
That, or only use 100+mm rounds in a gunfight. Either or.

I don't like rules, as they imply they shouldn't be broken. I like statements or suggestions, as while you should pay attention to them, you should probably adjust them to your own situation.

Statement 1. Remember yourself ten years ago? Remember how goddamn stupid you were? You're still that stupid today, it'll just take you ten years to figure that out.
Statement 2. Everyone is that stupid too, so don't feel too bad.
Statement 3. Whenever you say things like "People ought to..." never forget that you're people too.
Statement 4. That said, you're still the most important person in the universe.
Statement 5. But that only applies for you. Everyone else is their own most important person in the universe.
Statement 6. Never forget that you're important to someone. Even if that someone is your pet. Hell, pets are better humans than half the people I know.
Statement 7. But you are replaceable.
Statement 8. While I understand that it is possible to exercise too much and to eat too many vegetables over other foodstuffs, unless you're completely insane you're not going to hit this limit. So get to it, jackass.
Statement 9. Just remember that phrase about pain has it wrong. Soreness, tiredness, stinking of sweat.. those are weakness leaving the body. Pain is a sign that something is wrong and that you need to stop now and get it checked out. Anything that makes your body produce a popping or tearing sound is probably not good.
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby kingofdreams » Wed Sep 01, 2010 2:54 pm UTC

Next to no one 'chooses' a lifestyle they fall into what's comfortable, or easy, or necessary. Sometimes, it’s the little choices we make and hold to in spite of the rest of our lives, rather than because of it that makes our life worth something.

"First do no harm" is an excellant idea as well

theres a whole bunch of quotations I'd like to throw around but I'll limit myself to one since its cheating

"Each time that one loves is the only time one has ever loved. Difference of object does not alter singleness of passion. It merely intensifies it. We can have but one great experience at best, and the secret of life is to reproduce that experience as often as possible."
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby Vapour » Wed Sep 01, 2010 2:57 pm UTC

Wear sun screen.

*cue song*

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I Think He's Getting At Diplomacy

Postby Felstaff » Wed Sep 01, 2010 3:08 pm UTC

SlyReaper wrote:
BoomFrog wrote:2) Almost everything can be solved by talking.
Bollocks. Unless by "solved" you mean "it goes the way of the dominant person in the room, and everyone else pretends to themselves that that's what they wanted all along"
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby Oregonaut » Wed Sep 01, 2010 3:21 pm UTC

And yet both are phallic.
- Ochigo the Earth-Stomper

The EGE wrote:
Mumpy wrote:And to this day, librarians revile Oregonaut as the Antichrist.

False! We sacrifice our card catalogues to him in the name of Job Security!

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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby Fat Zombie » Wed Sep 01, 2010 3:48 pm UTC

Vohu Manah wrote:"You can't buy happiness. They don't accept Discover."


You forget Ianucci's Corollary:

"Money can't buy you love. But it can buy you a yacht, which you will grow to love."
...And before you ask: yes, I do like to listen to myself talk!

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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby mosiajam » Wed Sep 01, 2010 3:50 pm UTC

Au contraire, you can buy happiness. You just need to convince yourself that the $15000 Ethan Allen sofa makes you happy.

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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby Fat Zombie » Wed Sep 01, 2010 3:53 pm UTC

Money can't buy you love. It can buy you lust, though.
...And before you ask: yes, I do like to listen to myself talk!

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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby Belial » Wed Sep 01, 2010 4:00 pm UTC

If you turn away and stop looking (literally or metaphorically) when things get unpleasant, you don't live in the real world anymore. This is dangerous. To you, and to everyone you meet.
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They/them

++$_
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby ++$_ » Wed Sep 01, 2010 5:38 pm UTC

TheKrikkitWars wrote:
++$_ wrote:4. If Erdős couldn't solve it, neither can you. Probably.


That's a poor rule, as there are/will be people who are both bright enough and masochistic enough to push beyond Erdos...
Like the other rules here, it's only true most of the time. And of course you might have access to tools that Erdős didn't have, so in that case it obviously doesn't apply. And of course, if you're a masochist, breaking rules is probably a good way to get what you want.

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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby Cloud Walker » Wed Sep 01, 2010 6:09 pm UTC

~ You can do anything if you put your mind to it. However, to really put your mind to it, you need to have passion backing it up.

~ Nothing is sacred.

~ Whenever possible, make allies rather than enemies.

~ Honesty is the best policy.

~ Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

EDIT: Forgot one.

~ Know thyself.
Last edited by Cloud Walker on Thu Sep 02, 2010 6:16 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die. - Amelia Burr

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mosiajam
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby mosiajam » Wed Sep 01, 2010 7:55 pm UTC

Fat Zombie wrote:Money can't buy you love. It can buy you lust, though.


Forgive my 17 year-old mind if I don't see the difference.

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TheKrikkitWars
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Re: The Rules of Life

Postby TheKrikkitWars » Wed Sep 01, 2010 8:00 pm UTC

mosiajam wrote:
Fat Zombie wrote:Money can't buy you love. It can buy you lust, though.


Forgive my 17 year-old mind if I don't see the difference.


Money could buy you a nice dinner, a fancy hotel room, and the services of an escort... But could money buy forgiveness from anything you do no matter how henious? Could money buy someone laying their life down for you?
Great things are done when Men & Mountains meet,
This is not Done by Jostling in the Street.


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