I didn't make eye contact until I was in 7th grade. I wasn't aware that eye contact was something people did, or were supposed to do, until my speech therapist told me. So I had to force my eyes to look at hers. She had blonde hair and blue eyes and made us use the word "sexy" as vocab, and I tell you, it was hell. It hurt, almost physically. I could barely stand it. My eyes had to skirt around hers nervously.
I became a bit obsessed with the topic shortly after that. There was this whole dimension of communication I did not know about previously. For the next few years I would practice it on people, and quickly dart them away. I would look up the topic in psychology books at the library at high school. There wasn't that much information. I couldn't (and still don't) understand why I was so averse to them. When TV characters talked I would study their eyes very carefully, judging how long they lingered, how their eyes would dart to the other person's left, then right, then left. It depended a lot on intimacy. I became kinda jealous when I watched other people make eye contact, because that was a tool they used that I simply didn't have because I was different.
If you want to know what it felt like for me to make eye contact, it was like physical pain, yes, but also, mentally, I feel like the other person was peeping into my soul, which severely unnerved me. I didn't want people to know inside me. So I looked away. I got better though, because when I did it, I felt happier, and almost flirty. I didn't do it with guys, because it made me feel gay (still does, a little), but I would purposely make eye contact with girls...made me feel flirty. And little kids, because they're smaller and won't judge me as much...or something?
I did and still do hate making eye contact with older people, and with blue eyed people. I'm very serious about this. Blue eyes just pierce into you.
I hope people don't think I'm sketchy...I really wish I could make eye contact better. I think I'm passable, but I'm not sure. Don't get offended when you're talking to me, and I look anywhere but at you. It takes a lot of energy to make eye contact, and when I make no effort at all as opposed to the little effort I do, that means I'm paying a lot of attention to what you're saying.
General_Norris: Taking pride in your nation is taking pride in the division of humanity.
Pirate.Bondage: Let's get married. Right now.