Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate?

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Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate?

Postby FrancisDrake » Mon Sep 12, 2011 10:35 pm UTC

Lets say a scenario of any kind of events that follow christian law for evil are commited by your soulmate and she/he is sent to punishment, would you fight against God to save her soul from hell?
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby Deva » Tue Sep 13, 2011 12:09 am UTC

Depends. Wonders how this happened at all. Accepts some basic existence premises to save time. Questions:

1. Why is my hypothetical soulmate committing evil?
2. Which precise evil did they commit? Matters. Compare "working on the Sabbath" with "brutal slayings".
3. Can this problem be solved another way?
4. How does one fight a deity? With weaponry? With disbelief? With a contest of my selection?
5. Are there any personal consequences by losing (besides losing the soulmate's soul)? And are there any consequences by winning?
6. May aid be enlisted?

7. Does a possibility of victory exist?
8. How severe is the punishment? How does one harm a soul? Is it eternal, or just forty hours of community service? What are the living conditions like? Does air conditioning exist?
9. Are we discussing this metaphorically or not? By "save their soul", do you mean a conversion or a bettering of their person? Or do you mean potentially physically teleporting to a plane, essentially engaging in a series of "Press A to not lose, for real", and rescuing the soulmate from a tall, narrow structure?
10. Will rescuing the soul resurrect the soulmate? (Assumes that no soul equals no life. Might leave a living husk instead.)
11. Does anyone (excluding deities) possess special powers? Must if this is not a metaphor. Cannot challenge a deity without them. Never heard of a deity snatching someone up for a smackdown and then returning them to Earth. Never heard of deities visiting Earth recently, either. Probably keeps the divine appearances and subsequent (probable, and assumed physical) beatdowns a secret, though. Creates an improper impression.

(12.?) Or do you wish for people to select their own interpretations?
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby Magnanimous » Tue Sep 13, 2011 4:55 am UTC

What's the purpose of making unicorns hollow?

What? That's a stupid senseless question?

Well, so are questions about whether you would fight god to save your soulmate.

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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby Deva » Tue Sep 13, 2011 7:27 am UTC

Magnanimous wrote:What's the purpose of making unicorns hollow?

- Stores more candy.
- Facilitates flight.
- Saves material costs.
- Hides items, such as keys.

- Reduces unicorn blood levels for desperate witches and wizards.
- A challenge for expert taxidermists.
- A potential shocked moment for a know-it-all character.
- A scientist’s experiments.

- Increases the fragility of a unicorn. Leads to a skittish disposition.
- World flavor.
- Hints at characters who are familiar with unicorns. Spent time with them.
- A plot point for a unicorn. Felt empty inside. Wished to fill the void.

Produced more answers than expected. Treat the question similar to "What would happen if I was thrown back in time?". Would you be branded as a heretic? Could you dazzle them with your education? Is it your destiny to become a peasant?

Will the conclusion be useful? Unlikely. Will it be entertaining? Possibly. How would you combat a deity, using the "contest of your choice" angle? A wet t-shirt contest? Painting a picture? Capturing butterflies? Building Lego structures? Could you trick them instead? What abilities would lend you sufficient strength to defeat a deity? Will you enlist the assistance of celestial and/or infernal beings (probably the latter)? What happens after the deity is defeated? Would you still help someone important out? Is there a sufficiently large incentive to convince you to try? What might dissuade you from assisting the person?

Poor '?' key. Potentially surpassed the scope of this. Oh well. Short version: imagine this in a light-hearted light. Is not glaring at you, promising an unpleasant evening on an incorrect answer. Probably.
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby notzeb » Tue Sep 13, 2011 7:44 am UTC

FrancisDrake wrote:Lets say a scenario of any kind of events that follow christian law for evil are commited by your soulmate and she/he is sent to punishment, would you fight against God to save her soul from hell?
Assuming a Christian god, I'd probably fight to save my soulmate from heaven as well.

We've got better things to do with our afterlife.
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby tastelikecoke » Tue Sep 13, 2011 7:47 am UTC

Still, making unicorns hollow would make some people angry for torturing a nonextinctent species of horses.

As for me, I think most would say God will forgive him if she repented using the magic of prayers. Not fight God, since that would require a very strong weapon.

A real Christian advice would probably include 3-90 quotations of bible verses, so I'm not capable at giving a real advice.

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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby Felstaff » Tue Sep 13, 2011 10:24 am UTC

Hollow unicorns would also allow for a 'Russian Doll'-style compact storage capability, providing you have a herd of ever-decreasing sizes of unicorn. It would provide the basis of a film called Incepticorn. Hollow unicorns could be filled with helium and thus be used for sky battles (akin to the The Great Inflated Narwhal Zeppelin-Poppin' Battle over the Ascension Islands, 1917). It's well documented that Al "Scarface" Capone used to conceal a Tommy-gun in a hollow unicorn, which itself was cleverly disguised as a horned violin case. The unicorn already has an advantage over the bicorn in that it can be used for accurate cosmetic drilling purposes (for hanging picture frames, mirrors, cupboards, etc.) and a hollow one would allow for easier and lighter transit, reducing carbon hoofprint. Hollow unicorns provide excellent acoustics for tiny mouse-based rock-bands, as well as a comfortable shelter for Nyan kittens who are unable to fly/shit rainbows/too small to escape poptartivores. If you shine a light inside a hollowed unicorn, some[who?] have stated that the effect of the unicorn's glowing eyes can reduce and reverse the current epidemic of upside-down-smileitis. A hollowed unicorn would have helped Luke Skywalker much more efficiently than a tauntaun. Spare horns ("corns") can be kept within the hollowed unicorn, giving the unicorn its distinctive rattle sound as it rears on its hind legs. Whenever a unicorn is used to secure and enforce world peace, they can now boast using the pun "well, it's a HOLLOW victory". (see also: unicorns are incapable of feeling depression as every utterance of "I'm feeling HOLLOW inside" is followed by the sound of giggling humans, and the oft-retorted line "well, that's because you ARE hollow!" which causes the unicorn in question to giggle in kind.)
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby Noc » Tue Sep 13, 2011 10:41 am UTC

Yeah, whatever.

Beat up God, and let Him sort Himself out.
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby the_mean_marine » Tue Sep 13, 2011 11:06 am UTC

I can't believe this has gotten 7 replies and so far no one has brought up the Babel fish.

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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby SecondTalon » Tue Sep 13, 2011 2:12 pm UTC

Why hasn't it? Because it's way the fuck more entertaining to make up our own shit than reference tired pop culture memes yet again.

But yeah, I'm waiting for answers to Deva's questions, as I think it irons out most of the variables of the situation, or at least the big ones.


Wait, am I allowed to get assistance?

13. Assuming I can convince them to join in, can I get assistance from Krishna, Thor, Quetzecoatl, Coyote or other such deities? Because.. fuck it, if I can get Coyote and Spider to roll with me, I win. Twice.
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby iChef » Tue Sep 13, 2011 2:25 pm UTC

I've always heard God was fond of wrestling matches. Since it's been a few thousand years since He's stopped by for one, I'd get Him with the old folding chair upside the head routine. Maybe a flying elbow off the turnbuckle. Actually screw the whole soul mate bit can I have a giant gaudy belt instead? I'd looks super cool everywhere I went with no shirt on (maybe just a vest) and shades with a giant Universal Wrasslin' Champion belt on. I guess the only question left it what to use for theme music for my entrance... What would God use? I hope it's not a bunch of preachy hymns, that won't go over too well on the Pay-per-view special.
We'd probably need a sponsor, like maybe Budwieser."The King of Beers presents: The King of Kings vs. Some Guy in a (awesome) Vest for the ultimate super heavyweight (hey! I'm not fat) wrestling champion crown!!!
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby Deep_Thought » Tue Sep 13, 2011 2:32 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:13. Assuming I can convince them to join in, can I get assistance from Krishna, Thor, Quetzecoatl, Coyote or other such deities? Because.. fuck it, if I can get Coyote and Spider to roll with me, I win. Twice.

Yeah, I'd pick just about anyone ahead of Quetzecoatl. The god of knowledge and traders is unlikely to be much help unless you are fighting the Christian god at University Challenge/College Bowl/Monopoly.

Although his Wikipedia page does have a picture of him swallowing somebody. Seems a bit out of character.

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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby Soralin » Tue Sep 13, 2011 2:52 pm UTC

See, this is why you want to make the proper preparations: http://dresdencodak.com/2010/05/05/a-de ... -for-hell/ :)

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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby SecondTalon » Tue Sep 13, 2011 5:50 pm UTC

Deep_Thought wrote:
SexyTalon wrote:13. Assuming I can convince them to join in, can I get assistance from Krishna, Thor, Quetzecoatl, Coyote or other such deities? Because.. fuck it, if I can get Coyote and Spider to roll with me, I win. Twice.

Yeah, I'd pick just about anyone ahead of Quetzecoatl. The god of knowledge and traders is unlikely to be much help unless you are fighting the Christian god at University Challenge/College Bowl/Monopoly.

Although his Wikipedia page does have a picture of him swallowing somebody. Seems a bit out of character.
Wait, you're telling me a god of knowledge wouldn't be useful when trying to determine the weaknesses of an enemy that you don't know much about?

You.. uh.. sure about that?
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby Angua » Tue Sep 13, 2011 5:54 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:
Deep_Thought wrote:
SexyTalon wrote:13. Assuming I can convince them to join in, can I get assistance from Krishna, Thor, Quetzecoatl, Coyote or other such deities? Because.. fuck it, if I can get Coyote and Spider to roll with me, I win. Twice.

Yeah, I'd pick just about anyone ahead of Quetzecoatl. The god of knowledge and traders is unlikely to be much help unless you are fighting the Christian god at University Challenge/College Bowl/Monopoly.

Although his Wikipedia page does have a picture of him swallowing somebody. Seems a bit out of character.
Wait, you're telling me a god of knowledge wouldn't be useful when trying to determine the weaknesses of an enemy that you don't know much about?

You.. uh.. sure about that?
God of knowledge is obviously a nerd - every knows nerds are no good at fighting. Never mind that Athena was the goddess of wisdom and warfare (and lots of other things).
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby SecondTalon » Tue Sep 13, 2011 6:19 pm UTC

Image

You're right.

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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby Deva » Tue Sep 13, 2011 7:30 pm UTC

Would select Hades for assistance. Do not initiate combat and ask for their soul once Hades receives it. Never needs to form a Celestial Justice League. Depends on his price, however.
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby Izawwlgood » Tue Sep 13, 2011 7:43 pm UTC

Feh, Hades got his ass kicked every time he tried and get out of that underworld.

I'd take a Haephestus/Ares tag team. Brilliant craftsmanship paired with brute barbarism ftw! Although... Shit! Why bother with the Gods, goto the motherfuckin' source! Gimme some Moros and Nyx action! I'm too terrified of Erebus to bother suggesting invoking his all encompassing ass.
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby iChef » Tue Sep 13, 2011 8:02 pm UTC

Really couldn't you postpone the fight until the soul mate in question got his/her game with death first. My last girlfriend was really good at Magic: The Gathering and could probably smoke death on turn 3/4 with my B/W/U re-animation-angel deck. Kinda fitting theme as well!
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby SecondTalon » Tue Sep 13, 2011 8:04 pm UTC

See, now we need to determine the scope of the Gods, as gobs of them overlap with each other, so do they only affect their worshippers, in which case being an Atheist is basically a superpower (immune to Gods!), do they only affect geographic regions, do they only affect particular people who's genetics hail from a particular area (that is, Hades only has power over the Greeks while Hel has influence over certain Scandiavians), do they only have influence at particular times, or is it some mix of those cases?
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby Mumpy » Tue Sep 13, 2011 8:39 pm UTC

If we take the American gods/Terry Pratchett route, power coming from the number of believers, then we leave ourselves spoiling for a huge fight. But it seems the most logical option to me.

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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby Cloud Walker » Tue Sep 13, 2011 11:39 pm UTC

Kinda What Dreams May Come-ish.

Yahweh's sense of ethics is extremely fucked up, so I'm more concerned with what my soul mate did with respect to my ethics. If it's all good, then, sure, I'll fight. Since we're assuming the Christian deity exists for this exercise, then might as well assume all kinds of other magical crap exists. I'd probably go looking around for a radioactive moth to fly down my throat and give me superpowers or something. Then recruit Superman and Wolverine and Santa Claus. We'd be unstoppable.
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby FrancisDrake » Wed Sep 14, 2011 7:02 am UTC

I would pull out the bible in front of god and state: "If I am permitted anything I want in Heaven than I would like my soulmate back, and if you refuse, than this is a breach of contract and I want my life back.
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby notzeb » Wed Sep 14, 2011 7:32 am UTC

FrancisDrake wrote:I would pull out the bible in front of god and state: "If I am permitted anything I want in Heaven than I would like my soulmate back, and if you refuse, than this is a breach of contract and I want my life back.
"What contract? You think that a poor translation of the written record of some of my son's disciples puts you in a position to bargain with me? Haahahahahahahahaahaa... oh... oh dear...... wow.

"I AM the Law."
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby Turtlewing » Fri Sep 16, 2011 8:21 pm UTC

notzeb wrote:"What contract? You think that a poor translation of the written record of some of my son's disciples puts you in a position to bargain with me? Haahahahahahahahaahaa... oh... oh dear...... wow.

"I AM the Law."


It worked in Dogma.


Personally given anything resembling the opportunity I'd challenge God to pretty much any contest I could. I mean even if I loose that's some bragging rights there.

If I absolutely had to defeat God for some reason my preferred choice would be literal "death race". That is, first to die wins.

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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby SecondTalon » Fri Sep 16, 2011 10:46 pm UTC

notzeb wrote:
FrancisDrake wrote:I would pull out the bible in front of god and state: "If I am permitted anything I want in Heaven than I would like my soulmate back, and if you refuse, than this is a breach of contract and I want my life back.
"What contract? You think that a poor translation of the written record of some of my son's disciples puts you in a position to bargain with me? Haahahahahahahahaahaa... oh... oh dear...... wow.

"I AM the Law."

Actually, God wouldn't even have to say that. I don't recall the Bible being specific on the details of Heaven, other than it's a Paradise and so on. A.. lot of the details - as in pretty much all of them - have been filled in by non-Biblical sources and as such, do not apply.

Point being - I do not recall any passage that states that you will be given anything you want. I recall lots of passages that say you'll be filled with awe of and majesty and so on, and it pretty much sounds like a lobotomy and some brainwashing dashed in for taste. Basically, far from a paradise.. for me. Might be kinda sweet for the guy in charge... but whatever.

Hell, first.. you have to figure out if the Kingdom of Heaven and Heaven are one in the same. They may not be, which changes a number of things.
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby TimelordSimone » Fri Sep 16, 2011 10:53 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:Hell, first.. you have to figure out if the Kingdom of Heaven and Heaven are one in the same. They may not be, which changes a number of things.

So, there could be a Democratic Republic of Heaven as well?
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby Kang » Sat Sep 17, 2011 12:32 am UTC

Given how well most 'democratic republics' have done on that whole 'heaven on earth' promise they used to come with, I sure wouldn't count on them to provide heaven in heaven. But I love the idea of a Democractic Republic of Heaven and I'll be quoting it sometimes for sure.

In regard of the original question: simply yes. God's alleged almightyness, my nonexistant track record on fighting the supernatural and what I remember from Dante's exploits all say it's a bad idea, but still... yes.

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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby PeteP » Sat Sep 17, 2011 3:15 pm UTC

The christian god? Well if you look t the old testament he doesn't seem to be almighty so it's not necessarily impossible. But if I'm still alive I probably wouldn't know and I would have no way of reaching god. And if I were dead I would either be in Hell which probably has good security or in heaven and... well as ST said it sounds like you won't think all that clearly if you are there.
But if I get the ability to plane-shift, sure. I would try to find some allies, god would probably find out but I would try.

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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby a_fuzzyduck » Sat Sep 17, 2011 4:00 pm UTC

well, for a start fighting myself would be really stupid :p
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby Anachrome » Sun Sep 18, 2011 1:32 am UTC

So what is God's rapport with the Lovecraftian Godbeings?
Since if he hasn't really done anything to put him in their favour, I doubt it'd be that hard to ensure that he gets in their way.
> Challenge God to summon Lovecraftian Godthings
> He is forced to summon them, likely resulting in everyone in the vicinity's destuction, including his.
> Alternatively, he doesn't, and you win.

Also, what if god just refuses your challenge, whatever it would be? "God, I challenge you for the soul of m-" "No."
And if God is sending Soulmate's soul for punishment, wouldn't that give jurisdiction to Satan?

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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby jestingrabbit » Sun Sep 18, 2011 3:08 am UTC

Felstaff wrote:The Great Inflated Narwhal Zeppelin-Poppin' Battle over the Ascension Islands, 1917).


Documentary footage.
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby SecondTalon » Sun Sep 18, 2011 6:47 am UTC

Anachrome wrote:And if God is sending Soulmate's soul for punishment, wouldn't that give jurisdiction to Satan?

In the same sense that the executive legislative and judicial branches (or whatever your local equivalent would be) cede jurisdiction to the prison warden, yes.
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby Nomic » Sun Sep 18, 2011 8:13 am UTC

Depends. Would there be a punishment of failure? If not, then definitely. You should atleast try to help if you can. If yes, and the punishment would be severe, like losing your own soul, then probably not. No offense to my hypotethical soulmate, but if you have to fight against deities, it's usually a lost cause already. I'm just a mortal so I wouldn't really be able to stand against an omnipotent (or rather arbitarily powerful. True omnipotence causes way too much logical problems ot be worth it) being, and I rather have only one of us lose our soul instead of both. Would be willing to consider changing places with their soul, but that would depend on the exact circumstances. Then again, I do know God's wekaness (according to the Bible, it's iron chariots), so maybe I could take Him on.

That being said, there does exist a person I would fight God for, but that's due to special and somewhat confusing circumstances (note: swearign eternal and unconditional servitude for someone for any reason usually ends up beign a bad idea in the long run, because sooner or later you have to punch God in the face for them). Atleast then I could arque that there has been a mistake and they have the wrong person, since if there's anybody on this planet that doesn't deserve to be sent to Hell, that would be her (yes, even if we're talking about the omniscient and infallible God. Infact, that would pretty much prove that He clearly isn't as infallible as He wants us to believe).

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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby Menacing Spike » Sun Sep 18, 2011 4:35 pm UTC

Guess I'd just ram a boat into his head. And avoid fish and foreigners forever afterwards.

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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby ikrase » Mon Sep 19, 2011 6:22 am UTC

God's abilities in most of the bible are actually rather unimpressive and sometimes seem very arbitrarily limited. I think that many are within the range of modern technology to deflect. I actually thought about this a bit during last rapture insanity as a response to most people's 'what if it's true' idea being to party. I would flee to the nearest National Laboratory and start trying to figure out how to move an object that surely cannot be immovable. It could be as simple as nuclear weapons.
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby Evengeduld » Mon Sep 19, 2011 8:20 am UTC

Yes, I would fight god in order to save my soulmate. I mean it is your soulmate there are not to many of them on this planet :)
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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby userxp » Mon Sep 19, 2011 10:35 am UTC

I'd ally myself with Harry James Potter-Evans-Verres. Then defeating god would be a breeze.

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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby podbaydoor » Mon Sep 19, 2011 3:26 pm UTC

First I would obtain a fiery sword forged in the flames of Betelgeuse.
tenet |ˈtenit|
noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
noun
a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.

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Re: Hypothetically would you fight god to save your soulmate

Postby Kang » Mon Sep 19, 2011 4:46 pm UTC

podbaydoor wrote:First I would obtain a fiery sword forged in the flames of Betelgeuse.

Betelgeuse might be a problem, but you certainly can make yourself a fiery sword. Somebody recently told me of a friend having such a project going. Basically it's a small liquid reservoir in the handle, a bit of tubing and electric sparks, all triggered with a button for that decisive blow.


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