[SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Things that don't belong anywhere else. (Check first).

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby Rinsaikeru » Wed Nov 04, 2009 2:18 pm UTC

I agree. David Bowie, call me anything. Please.

I get bothered by random acts of endearment too. It's usually well intentioned admittedly, because the clerk, wait staff, maintenance staff don't know my name but don't want to say hey you. It's better than being called ma'am, ma'am makes me feel old. It really bothers me when some stranger tries to use sweetie, honey, babe, dear etc. Particularly if the stranger is male--women usually can get away with it more, particularly elderly women.

But I think that the ma'am thing is regional. Ma'am is way more normal elsewhere isn't it?

At work (a community centre where I work primarily with children) I even fall into using names for people who I don't know the name of. Usually I go for weird ones though...like Duckie (which is a Newfoundland thing from the maternal side of my family), Mr. Man, Ms. Lady...ummm whatever pops out of my mouth.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby abitha » Wed Nov 04, 2009 2:23 pm UTC

Yeah, i usually go with Sir/Ma'am at work (i.e. as a medical student talking to patients at the hospital), and people don't generally seem to mind. If i can remember their surnames i'll use Mr/Mrs X, but i'm pretty terrible at remembering names.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby Jessica » Wed Nov 04, 2009 2:37 pm UTC

This traffic light party reminds me of the hanky code which is prevalent in the gay community.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby Sungura » Wed Nov 04, 2009 2:40 pm UTC

I like terms of endearment...I find it sweet. That being said, I don't like it from strangers, but some people are just always that way, so if I don't really know them but I run into them a lot, then I don't mind so much. For example, I used to work nextdoor to a pizza place, and the two brothers there who ran it always called me "hun" when they saw me.

I don't really use terms of endearment myself, it just doesn't flow naturally for me. Also, many of them don't seem to be masculine and it would sound weird me saying it to my bf. But I love it when he calls me "sweetie" or "darling". My name often gets shortened too, from Amy to "Ames" or "Aim" depending on the person. Both of those is just something people lapse into after knowing me for a bit. I enjoy either. "Amy" is a kinda harsh sound on the end, and I like the way both of those soften it. Oh! And I've been called "ma cherie" (I think that's spelled right) which is also adorable.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby tin » Wed Nov 04, 2009 2:42 pm UTC

I quite like using terms of endearment amongst my friend. Things like 'chicken', 'lovely', 'chuck', 'm'dear/darling', 'sexy motherfucker', 'doucheface' etc are said and some call me those things back.

Regarding strangers, it depends on whether they can carry it off. In my experience, it seems women definitely seem to be able to say things like 'darling' and 'sweetheart' without sounding too skeezy. I squirm when older men say those sort of things to me, especially 'babe', but yet, I liked it when my exes called me that. I harbour murderous thoughts for strangers who refer to me as a little/good/naughty girl.

EDIT: Ninja'd by Sungura somewhat!
Last edited by tin on Wed Nov 04, 2009 2:43 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby Rinsaikeru » Wed Nov 04, 2009 2:43 pm UTC

Actually I thought that too. Though the hanky code is much more complicated and regionally diverse as far as I remember from whichever class we had to read about it for...

Re. Endearments, I don't mind them from friends/lovers etc. So long as they know my actual name. Though it depends on the endearment, never fond of babe/baby. Though my mum used to call me Baby Doll...so I like that one.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby Decker » Wed Nov 04, 2009 2:46 pm UTC

I must google this Hanky Code thing when I get home from work.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby Enuja » Wed Nov 04, 2009 2:53 pm UTC

Yeah, my rant wasn't about cashiers or waiters or people that I actually am interacting with. Terms of endearment often bother me when people in these situations use them, but it's usually either something I can just deal with or politely request that they stop (not by going to a boss: just by talking to them). It's the terms of endearment in the absence of even a conversation that my rant was about. No sweet old lady, or, in fact, anyone who "felt" like they were really trying to be nice to me has ever used a term of endearment to me as I walked past them. Maybe started a conversation with a term of endearment, but never said a term of endearment as the sole conversational item. Because, face it, that's just not polite. What I was complaining about is something that's quieter than yelling or a wolf whistle from the opposite side of the street, but it carries exactly the same tone (both tone of voice and emotional tone), and it's more unpleasant to get because it makes me feel involved in the wolf-whistle-like-thing.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby doogly » Wed Nov 04, 2009 3:21 pm UTC

Decker wrote:I must google this Hanky Code thing when I get home from work.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby kellsbells » Wed Nov 04, 2009 4:22 pm UTC

In much the same fashion as many of you, I usually like pet names/terms of endearment from friends or SOs, but find them creepy and unwelcome from strangers. People very frequently refer to me by a pet name or some alteration of my name to make it more like a pet name (I get "Kellykins" from several people I live with), and I'm quite fine with that under most circumstances. Random strangers referring to me as "darling" sets my teeth on edge though.

The other one that nags me is "miss" or "ma'am". I feel like "ma'am" sounds far older than I am, but "miss" is not quite right either. I suppose I'd prefer it to ma'am, but I'd prefer to avoid both if possible.

However, David Bowie can call me whatever he likes. :D
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby crowey » Wed Nov 04, 2009 4:53 pm UTC

some terms of endearment round my way are quite entertaining, My Lover, My Handsome and Bird are common, and said with a really thick westcountry accent it's just superb. Bird I find especially amusing since it's also my actual name... other things are, like others have said, very context dependant. A little old lady can get away with calling me dear, a skeezy dude in a bar can't.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby bigglesworth » Wed Nov 04, 2009 5:05 pm UTC

Although would you be happy about a skeezy dude in a bar talking to you at all?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby sophyturtle » Wed Nov 04, 2009 5:13 pm UTC

The act of being called 'dear' or some such is kinda what makes them scetchy. Or at least it helps.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby Flagpole Sitta » Wed Nov 04, 2009 5:51 pm UTC

Jessica wrote:This traffic light party reminds me of the hanky code which is prevalent in the gay community.


I don't think I've known anyone who actually used this... but I can pretty oblivious sometimes...

Re endearments: When I'm in a more formal situation, or am feeling nervous or very angry I tend to call people I don't know very well Sir or Ma'am, but when I'm feeling more relaxed and comfortable I'll call people I don't know sweetie or honey or hun. I tend to call my friends love or babe or some weird nickname I've come up.

I know that sometimes endearments from strangers really set my teeth on edge, though. I hope I don't come off as condescending. I just have trouble remembering peoples names, and I like having a more friendly way to refer to them.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby Cassi » Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:49 pm UTC

I used to work in a chippy, and the older customers would call me love or dear all the time, but it was nice, not at all skeezy. There definitely are some people who just can't use any terms of endearment without coming off as really skeezy, but there's no real way to make them understand this, I think. (Luckily they weren't really the type of customers we got, so it was always fine.)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby Rinsaikeru » Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:56 pm UTC

I think I typically find gendered endearments from strangers much more offputting.

Dear is used nearly universally, Hun to a lesser degree. I've only ever heard a stranger call a female babe.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby sophyturtle » Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:59 pm UTC

My friends/roommate/lovers have taken to using "love", which I find wonderful. If only it was not used like "Love, you know that was stupid right?"
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby Shro » Wed Nov 04, 2009 7:19 pm UTC

I love nicknames. Some of my favorites have been things that aren't really "endearing" nicknames. I know a couple where the guy calls his girlfriend "ninja" and it's absolutely adorable. My boy has taken to calling me "probie" (we watch a lot of NCIS). The absolute worst is "baby".
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby crickets » Wed Nov 04, 2009 11:40 pm UTC

Given that i worked at a gas station and had many old men as regular customers, i've adjusted being given nicknames. I have been "red" and "smiley" for two specific men for three years. And they still remember me, even though i haven't worked there in over a year. I found it kind of cute, because they were making an effort to remember me. Had a couple younger guys, and a few ladies remember me as well. When it's them honestly making an effort to remember me, then it's not really bothersome at all.

There's also an older Indian gentleman at the gas station near my house who has nicknames for Denby and I. Denby is "slim girl" and i can't remember what he calls me... but it's honestly really funny.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby semicharmed » Wed Nov 04, 2009 11:44 pm UTC

sophyturtle wrote:My friends/roommate/lovers have taken to using "love", which I find wonderful. If only it was not used like "Love, you know that was stupid right?"


I use both "love" and "darling" like this. Darling usually comes out when I feel like the other party is being condescending. I.e., "darling, just because I have a vagina doesn't mean I don't know my way around a computer/powertools/etc."
Whereas love is usually for exactly what you said, implying the other person has done something kind of foolish.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby parkaboy » Thu Nov 05, 2009 3:36 am UTC

I deeespiiiiiise pet names from people I am not close to, and even then some really grate on me. d33p calls me darlin', which took me a little while to warm up to, but I took to it the fastest because of the way he says it. The same reason I don't grind my teeth at him when he calls me babe or sweetheart... the tone he uses and context in which they are used are usually very appropriate. He's not just tossing them out because he can, he means them lovingly.

I did get a "Have a good night, beautiful" from a stranger on the street the other night and I guess I was already feeling a bit sassy so I smiled and said thank you, when I normally would have hunched in on myself and walked faster, glowering.

long story short: I hate "baby", chances are you aren't allowed to call me anything but my name, and sometimes it really just depends on my mood. One customer at work calls me "Jack" and I'm ok with that. He calls everyone something and has the grandpa personality to get away with it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby altair4 » Thu Nov 05, 2009 4:25 am UTC

I love being in the midlands as I know I'll get called petal, pet, chuck, georgous or my love when ever I go in a shop.
I love it, always makes my day.
Glad I'm not the only one who calls people Chicken as well, as a boy its about the only thing I can use that doesn't make me sound like a potential rapist and can't be construed as sexual in any way.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby LL Cool J » Thu Nov 05, 2009 4:31 am UTC

Pez Dispens3r wrote:What, like David Bowie?
Alright, that's two people in the world who can call me babe. :D
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby apricity » Thu Nov 05, 2009 5:26 am UTC

sophyturtle wrote:My friends/roommate/lovers have taken to using "love", which I find wonderful. If only it was not used like "Love, you know that was stupid right?"
"Love" is the only pet name I have ever really liked and used myself. Though hendu sometimes calls me things like "pretty lady," which sounds wonderful coming from him so I allow it :) . The other thing I'm fine with is specific nicknames, rather than generic hun/sweetheart stuff.
crowey wrote:some terms of endearment round my way are quite entertaining, My Lover, My Handsome and Bird are common, and said with a really thick westcountry accent it's just superb.
Aaaaaaack, that gave me terrible flashbacks to my ex from West Country who always said "aright meluvr?" to annoy me.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby doogly » Thu Nov 05, 2009 5:30 am UTC

altair4 wrote:I love being in the midlands as I know I'll get called petal, pet, chuck, georgous or my love when ever I go in a shop.
I love it, always makes my day.
Glad I'm not the only one who calls people Chicken as well, as a boy its about the only thing I can use that doesn't make me sound like a potential rapist and can't be construed as sexual in any way.

Really? It could be just one step short of chicken head.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby existential_elevator » Thu Nov 05, 2009 8:24 am UTC

I'm pretty strange with pet-names or nicknames. I hate any permeation of babe/baby, and maybe 50% of the time sweetheart is really skeezy too. Sweetpea, however, is fine. Between me and my other half, well, we have a good evolution of pet names. It started out as honey, and now he winds up being called honey-weasel, or knees, and I get called cherry-muffin. I'd like to hope the names keep evolving until they are unrecognisable. With friends, again, names are very specific. I have one friend who gets called "hun", and one who gets called "monkey" and another who gets called "guv" or "guv'nor".

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby tin » Thu Nov 05, 2009 10:34 am UTC

lanicita wrote:
crowey wrote:some terms of endearment round my way are quite entertaining, My Lover, My Handsome and Bird are common, and said with a really thick westcountry accent it's just superb.
Aaaaaaack, that gave me terrible flashbacks to my ex from West Country who always said "aright meluvr?" to annoy me.


Heeee. I do that whole "y'alroight moy luhver?" thing with my best friend and did do it with my ex who was from the West Country also. Seeing Hot Fuzz just increased it's usage ten fold.

doogly wrote:
altair4 wrote:I love being in the midlands as I know I'll get called petal, pet, chuck, georgous or my love when ever I go in a shop.
I love it, always makes my day.
Glad I'm not the only one who calls people Chicken as well, as a boy its about the only thing I can use that doesn't make me sound like a potential rapist and can't be construed as sexual in any way.

Really? It could be just one step short of chicken head.


Aaaah, no. I'm from the Midlands and it is a term of endearment which i've picked up from friends, relatives around me when I lived in Birmingham. I sometimes shorten it down to 'chick' or 'chicka'.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby Sungura » Thu Nov 05, 2009 1:34 pm UTC

__jess wrote:
Pez Dispens3r wrote:What, like David Bowie?
Alright, that's two people in the world who can call me babe. :D
I finally clicked that link to find out who on earth David Bowie is. And I still don't get it. David Bowie seems creepy and can just stay away from me.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby crowey » Thu Nov 05, 2009 1:35 pm UTC

How did you not know who David Bowie is? :shock:

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby Jessica » Thu Nov 05, 2009 1:36 pm UTC

David bowie is pretty awesome.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby Sungura » Thu Nov 05, 2009 1:48 pm UTC

Eh. You can keep him.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby Zohar » Thu Nov 05, 2009 1:50 pm UTC

Sungura wrote:Eh. You can keep him.

We will.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby Sungura » Thu Nov 05, 2009 1:51 pm UTC

Zohar wrote:
Sungura wrote:Eh. You can keep him.

We will.

You've never seen Labyrinthwhen you were little, Snugura?
Nope, never saw it. I didn't know who he was until now. And he still creeps me out so don't tell him where to find me.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby LL Cool J » Thu Nov 05, 2009 1:54 pm UTC

He's a musician, not a predator. Don't judge a book, etc.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby Sungura » Thu Nov 05, 2009 1:56 pm UTC

I looked at the google image search too. He just does nothing for me. And I find him creepy looking. I'm allowed to think different from the rest of the worldthread. ;)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby Jessica » Thu Nov 05, 2009 2:28 pm UTC

You sure are.
He's just a famous musician who's kind of strange, and cool. Did a lot of drugs, said he was bi, and did a few weird movies like labyrinth, then he was tesla in the prestige.

Oh, and he's also in the venture brothers as spoiler.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby LL Cool J » Thu Nov 05, 2009 2:48 pm UTC

Sungura wrote:I looked at the google image search too. He just does nothing for me. And I find him creepy looking. I'm allowed to think different from the rest of the worldthread. ;)
I'm not going to force you to like him, or find him attractive. I just don't much like snap judgments of people based on photographs. There's a big difference between 'unattractive to me' and 'creepy'.
Jessica wrote:tesla in the prestige.
HOLY SHIT! I didn't know that! I've seen the movie and I didn't know that. :shock:
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby SecondTalon » Thu Nov 05, 2009 2:55 pm UTC

I'd point out that he was also the walk-off judge in Zoolander, but.. that one's kinda obvious.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby GraphiteGirl » Thu Nov 05, 2009 2:56 pm UTC

My best friend and I have an obsession with Labyrinth that's persisted since childhood. We used to sing As The World Falls Down and Magic Dance to each other when we were walking down the street and bored or hanging out at home and a little hyper. He does, admittedly look a little creepy and a little villainous, as is his role, but we greatly enjoyed him nonetheless. (Figuring out it was him in The Prestige was an enormous shock; the eyebrows and the jawline were really the only clues.) He also reminds me of a male friend who's the only person with a personality effortlessly charming enough to be able to call me babe and get away with it. (I call Best Friend 'chickadee', a nickname my mum was fond of for a very little while; she calls me "hon".)
To my knowledge, no one has ever tried to call me babe, gorgeous or hon or any other gendery endearment out of the blue; I think I radiate some sort of nicknameless field, which is just fine by me. The Lad called me Unnicknameable One the other day; nothing seems to stick.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - #sharkweek on irc.foonetic.net

Postby LL Cool J » Thu Nov 05, 2009 3:05 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:I'd point out that he was also the walk-off judge in Zoolander, but.. that one's kinda obvious.
Thank goodness I knew that, at least. My mind can only handle so many Bowie-related delightful surprises. I think it's the mustache that threw me off in The Prestige.
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