[SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

[sophyturtle]

Good for you!
Yay for standing up and getting a little justice!

[Jessica]

Gas for the hour-long drive to court: $10
Iced latte to take the edge off the nerves: $3.15
Getting to tell your orange-clad chained attacker (who also happens to be your soon-to-be-ex-husband) exactly how he hurt you and what you think should be done to him in return while nearby criminals express disgust at his actions: Priceless.

Victim impact statements FTW. (Well... all things considered.)

I hope you don't mind I quoted you for another page of awesome.

So happy for you!!

[podbaydoor]

*hugs* I admire your strength. Go you!

[deerie]

Congratulations! I admire your courage!

[jmrz]

Kithplana, I admire your courage and ability to do what is right for you and to stand up in court and say what you did. I hope your life only continues to get better.

Picture time! For super cute outfit! The dress came from modcloth and the scarf and belt came from a shop called Dotti.

[GraphiteGirl]

Kithplana, yay for the justice system actually doing what it is meant to do sometimes, and providing justice!

[Chai Kovsky]

Kithplana, that wins SO hard. I'm proud to know you.

[crystal_owl]

Kithplana, major props! That must have taken a lot of strength, good on you for seeing it through.

jmrz, that's a really cute outfit! I really like the way you've tied the scarf.

[podbaydoor]

Cute cut. And nice touch with the scarf.

[Amie]

Kithplana: That's awesome. This post had objectionable content.
Rephrasing to clarify what that last sentence meant... lanicita pointed out that it'd be unfair to say this because a lot of women aren't in a position to stand up to their abusers. She's right. I've spoilered it for length and for the fear of digression from the current discussion.

Spoiler:

See, in my society, we live in a paradox. On one hand, women are put on a pedestal and are extolled for their superawesome abilities of giving birth to children and menstruating. On the other hand, a lot of domestic violence is practiced and half of it isn't even reported because of various unfortunate reasons. However, there are families where women are educated, intelligent and have all the means to fight back if they want to. They don't because of the stigma the society holds about divorced women and/or women who go to court about their husbands being jerks. However, there have been women who have taken things in their strides and have refused to lie down and take all the bullshit that their husbands put them through. When I wrote that last sentence, I was just hoping that more women (who have the means and the power) would act in the same manner because this is the only way by which any stigma can be wiped off the face of the planet.

A lot of times, women here don't do anything only because they've been told and they've seen for themselves that "it's okay" to undergo all this... and that all women bear with their abusers to "save the relationship" because women are more patient and virtuous than men. See what my society does? I just wish that they'd see through this utter nonsense.

Thanks lanicita, for pointing this out. I hope that what I said made sense... Also, apologies for digressing a little.

[natraj]

Woah, kithplana, that sounds really powerful. I have mad respect for you to be able to do that.

[PictureSarah]

Kithplana, I can't imagine how hard that must have been. So much respect and admiration! I hope it helped your healing process.

Also, I have a girly rant. Spoilered for grossness.

Spoiler:

I seem to have developed a sensitivity/allergy to something about maxipads. As a result, my nether regions have developed a horrendous itchiness, which I at first assumed was a yeast infection, but is not internal at all? I don't know. I should probaby go to the doctor if it doesn't get better. For the moment, I am generously applying diaper rash cream (Boudreaux's Butt Paste ftw), and it seems to be helping.

[Sungura]

Also, I have a girly rant. Spoilered for grossness.

Spoiler:

I seem to have developed a sensitivity/allergy to something about maxipads. As a result, my nether regions have developed a horrendous itchiness, which I at first assumed was a yeast infection, but is not internal at all? I don't know. I should probaby go to the doctor if it doesn't get better. For the moment, I am generously applying diaper rash cream (Boudreaux's Butt Paste ftw), and it seems to be helping.

Spoiler:

I've had that problem SO MANY TIMES. The only thing my body can stand any more are the cotton organic pads or the Party In Your Pants pads - later are cloth reusable - both I get at Whole Foods. I'm actually at the point that if I want to wear a tampon for whatever reason, that starts a painful rash like, /inside/. >_< So I get the organic cotton ones of those too, and try not to use them too often. Sucks. Luckily now with my IUD I only need to deal with it for about 5 days instead of 10-12.

[Shivahn]

O woman thread! I come seeking an answer to a question.

Or, a series of answers to a series of questions. Which I shall put within spoiler tags because I don't know how long they'll end up being.

Spoiler:

So, as some of you might be aware from reading the LGBTIQQ thread, I'm sort of confusingly transgendered. I got some feminine clothing at Old Navy, and I've been wearing it. I have mens' jeans at the moment, which are more androgynous than what I used to wear, though I'm hoping to get some womens' jeans too. I have women's gray, navy blue, green, and magenta T shirts, and magenta, orange, black, gray, and white light jackets. I'm coming here to basically ask for help, because... that's honestly the extent of my knowledge on what is feminine (aside from super marked stuff that I can't really (nor do I really want to) wear, such as dresses, high heels, etc.)

I'd really like to wear more feminine things. I feel better about myself when I catch a feminine glimpse in the mirror, and a lot of that has to do with what I'm wearing (and what I've done to my face with respect to facial hair and eyebrows.) But other than a light jacket on top of a T shirt worn with flared jeans, I honestly don't know what I can wear day-by-day that's also feminine, or at the very least, very androgynous.

For the record, I'm in San Diego, and though it's been cooler lately (70 or so,) I'm much more comfortable frozen than even moderately warm, so I wouldn't like to be bundled under infinite layers or anything (though advice about that would be helpful for later, too!)

So, I guess I'm asking for general fashion advice that will give me a very feminine look without skirts, dresses, or high heels-type clothing. I am really out of my element in the fashion world - I didn't pay any attention to mens' fashion either, and have always worn what's comfortable (which, as it turns out, is often very masculine ><)

In terms of dimensions, I don't know what would be needed, but I'm 5'11'' to 6' tall and weigh about 165-170 pounds (remember, male frame, so this is actually somewhat lean, not stocky, though it certainly isn't a light frame either.)

So, yes. I'd really appreciate any advice people could give me. I know what I want, I just don't know how to get there, and this thread seems like the best (and friendliest!) place to ask.

[jmrz]

You have definitely come to the right place. You could probably pick up some light button up shirts with 3/4 sleeves in a women's style, which when paired with the right jeans would give you a more feminine look. The tshirts and light coats are a great start and if you are into the dresses and skirts deal, then you've done really well so far.

This is kind of what I'm talking about:

[Rinsaikeru]

You can try layering pieces like cardigans, vests, and camisoles. You can accessorise with scarves, belts, or jewelry.

[Shivahn]

Thank you two!

It's a little hot for scarves, and I'd probably need it to be snowing before I'd be comfortable wearing one, sadly. Belts are a good one though. And I was planning on... getting... some jewelry (I'm taking two jeweling classes right now, actually). So I am hoping to be able to use those ideas!

jmrz, that is an excellent suggestion. I'll be sure to look for light buttoned shirts next time I'm out. The real trick will be finding one that looks good and feminine on my stupid thorax.

But yeah, I am definitely going to the buttoned shirt area next time I'm clothes shopping

[Moo]

Scarves don't necessarily have to be warm. Ones like these can really lift an outfit with very little added warmth or cost.



Other things I can think of are some nice chinos or slacks that are from the women's department so they're a bit tailored or fitted but not overtly feminine to wear with your tshirts or the button up blouse suggested above; or a necklace like the following with your tshirts (although jewelry is already mentioned)




Oh, and I had to share this scarf I found while looking for pictures:

[semicharmed]

jmrz, that is an excellent suggestion. I'll be sure to look for light buttoned shirts next time I'm out. The real trick will be finding one that looks good and feminine on my stupid thorax.

But yeah, I am definitely going to the buttoned shirt area next time I'm clothes shopping

YMMV, but button-up shirts can be one of the hardest pieces of women's clothing to find the right fit in. Especially if you have a "stupid thorax". So if you have problems finding a good, flattering feminine fit - it's definitely not you, but the shirts!

Something like this or this might be another way to go. A little more feminine than a straight t-shirt, can be worn under light jackets/cardigans, and easier to find a good fit in. Also, the Apostrophe line from Sears happens to include the only button up shirt I've found that's flattering on me, and it's definitely lightweight.

Old Navy also has some similar-type shirts - one, two, and three.

And some of the scarves in Moo's post would definitely make a plain t-shirt more feminine.

[podbaydoor]

I vote for the boob scarves. /immature.

[Jessica]

Agreed with Semicharmed - As a transwoman with masculine shoulders and thick arms, it's almost impossible for me to find fitted button shirts. I find that I have to wear generally non-fitted clothes with a little stretch.

[Shivahn]

Ok. Thanks for the advice everyone! I definitely have more (and better) ideas than when I started. This will all be very helpful

Thanks again!

[Rinsaikeru]

Come back anytime--we all have our own dilemas about clothes and I think we're all happy to discuss them.

My problem with fitted shirts is that my waist and breasts don't agree on a size. I've sometimes had to buy a bigger shirt (to fit breast and shoulders) and have it nipped in a bit at the waist. That might also work re. larger shoulders Jessica.

[Jessica]

Yeah... Essentially I have to pick up shirts that fit the largest part (boobs and shoulders) and take it in for the rest.

I just don't like getting someone to take in my shirts, and I don't sew.

[Vaniver]

I don't know your opinion on clothes shopping and wardrobes, but it may be worthwhile to get one tailored shirt in a broadly useful color that suits you rather than a dozen shirts that are a bit off. It'll be expensive (I think that 12-1 ratio might be underestimating it), but the quality difference will be noticeable.

You could also order a shirt with your exact measurements. I haven't poked around on that website, but I imagine it's cheaper than a local tailor and more reliable quality. (The men's shirts site I've looked at let you pick all the features; I imagine that one most likely does something similar.)

[Rinsaikeru]

I've also heard of a place in NYC where you can buy shirts based on bra size--which sounds like a good idea to me.

[Jessica]

Oooo thanks Vaniver! I may not use that one (american company, shipping is a bitch...) but that's a good idea to get something that actually fits.

[meridian]

How about hair clips? I don't know what you are comfortable with yet or how long your hair is, but some simple metal hair clips could be a nice feminine addition to your wardrobe. If you're daring, clip a big fabric flower in or grab a hair band or ribbon. It's kind of like having hair jewelry, but in some cases it can be very practical too.

[Cathy]

Coming in from lurking to post that ribbons are also a nice, non-flashy way to decorate hair. Even with short hair you can use a headband-like ribbon. I also second the hair clips. Plus ribbons are super cheap if you can get them in a fabric section or fabric store.

[crowey]

a bit late, but I just wanted to add another well done to Kithplana, that took guts.

[Shivahn]

At the moment, Vaniver, I can't go nuts with self-tailored stuff (unemployed full-time student, whee). But I will certainly keep that in mind - it sounds like a pretty good plan for once I have a steady income.

How about hair clips? I don't know what you are comfortable with yet or how long your hair is, but some simple metal hair clips could be a nice feminine addition to your wardrobe. If you're daring, clip a big fabric flower in or grab a hair band or ribbon. It's kind of like having hair jewelry, but in some cases it can be very practical too.

Coming in from lurking to post that ribbons are also a nice, non-flashy way to decorate hair. Even with short hair you can use a headband-like ribbon. I also second the hair clips. Plus ribbons are super cheap if you can get them in a fabric section or fabric store.

These are pretty fantastic ideas. It's... a little more than I'm comfortable with at the moment, but this is my last quarter at school, so I've been thinking of doing something more... boundary pushing... for my last few weeks as an undergrad. My hair is in dire need of a trim, but is about... collarbone length for most of the hairs that start on top, and one or two inches longer for the ones that start lower. I come from a family with balding issues, but I started using meds for that as soon as I noticed thinning, which means that I have a bunch of shorter (several inch) long hairs in weird places where they'd previously fallen out ><. But those aren't much of an issue (and they're growing back, yay), other than making it impossible to have my hair lie down nicely without copious amounts of product.

[Sungura]

Spoilered for possible grossness...

Spoiler:

Okay anyone out there with the Mierna IUD - this is the fourth month/period I"ve had on it, and things are kinda stabalizing. I don't think I'll get to be one of the lucky none-at-alls but I'll take the slower few days over 10-12 I used to have. And no more cramping either which is a bonus. Anyway, my question is - have any of you noticed that it's more like brown stringy cellularlyness rather than red blood? On the day or two of faster flow it will be a darker blood red, but other days, it's just like brown stringyness, basically, the color of dried blood and clumped together probably from clotting factors. Normal? Not? I'm waiting on my med insurance to kick in so I can't exactly just go to the gyno and ask.

[GraphiteGirl]

Spoiler:

That's kind of been my experience with periods while on the Pill. I'd had uterine chunks before, but now it is basically a much smaller flow where for at least two days brown viscous material is the headline act and blood might show up just as a supporting band.

[Sungura]

Spoiler:

Okay awesome, that's prettymuch exactly what I'm getting. Just making sure it's not some funk that I should be worried about...I didn't think it was really but it's weird and different, one never knows!

[poxic]

Spoiler:

I tend to get brown stringiness at the end of my periods, but yeah, I'm assuming it's normal. (Cat on lap, must stop typing.)

[meatyochre]

Spoiler:

That sounds a lot like my periods on bc pills, as well. I have one and a half-ish days of red blood. The rest is sludgy and brown.

Bonus: one time I tried to keep stacking active weeks for as long as possible to see how long I could go without a period. I made it about 4 months and then I got a constant breakthrough totally-brown-colored period that wouldn't go away for 2 weeks. ugh

[cephalopod9]

Spoiler:

I think the brown stuff is just the blood taking longer to leave your body. I get that pretty often on slow days. I'm not on any birth control, but I did just get a sonogram to see if I have uterus problems (at this point, I'm mostly thinking it's just my problems with keeping any sort of routine in general, but best to make sure, even if making sure means drinking all 8 cups of my recommended water intake in 2 hours).

Coming in from lurking to post that ribbons are also a nice, non-flashy way to decorate hair. Even with short hair you can use a headband-like ribbon. I also second the hair clips. Plus ribbons are super cheap if you can get them in a fabric section or fabric store.

You can also tie ribbons into bows and attach them with hairclips, or bandies, or headbands. (thread a ribbon through something you usually wear in your hair, and tie it like you tie shoe laces.
There's also ways to braid with ribbon, but I didn't get very far in learning to do that (I don't go out places where I want my hair to look nice often enough).

[GraphiteGirl]

Shivahn, if you're not yet comfortable with overtly feminine accessories, maybe more gender-neutral necklaces or rings would work? Head to etsy or your nearest market and have a look at some of the leather-thong-based necklaces, or simple pendants on chains; maybe there will be something there that you find suitably feminine but can also pass as neutral if you need it to.

[meatyochre]

And lots of girls AND guys do the skinny jeans thing, these days. I think. I'm not very hip, though.

[Sungura]

And lots of girls AND guys do the skinny jeans thing, these days. I think. I'm not very hip, though.

They both do around here, yes.