[SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Things that don't belong anywhere else. (Check first).

Moderators: Moderators General, Prelates, Magistrates

User avatar
podbaydoor
Posts: 7548
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2007 4:16 am UTC
Location: spaceship somewhere out there

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby podbaydoor » Fri Apr 22, 2011 9:38 pm UTC

That's disappointing. The one VS I went to was pretty helpful to me even though ultimately I found the item I wanted in another store. Manager needs to retrain the salespeople to actually, y'know, sell.
tenet |ˈtenit|
noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
noun
a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.

User avatar
Ashlah
Posts: 650
Joined: Thu Oct 01, 2009 7:31 pm UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Ashlah » Fri Apr 22, 2011 10:24 pm UTC

Yeah, that's surprising for a VS. I never shop there, and have only been inside once, but the employees here all wear headsets and attack you as soon as you walk in the door. I don't care for that kind of salesperson, but yours don't sound great either. As a retail worker, though, I do want to say, don't be afraid to ask for help either. Some people just aren't that good at telling when someone needs/wants help or wants to be left alone, so it helps when people ask for help.

User avatar
Sungura
When life gives you banananas, make bananana bread
Posts: 3928
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2008 2:32 am UTC
Location: AL

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Fri Apr 22, 2011 10:38 pm UTC

I would have asked except for they were like, gawking at me. I didn't feel comfortable at all. It was like they didn't realize above size 4's exist and I was a Fat Girl Freak Show.
"Would you rather fight a Sungura-sized spider or 1000 spider-sized Sunguras?" -Zarq
she/<any gender neutral>/snug

User avatar
Plasmic-Turtle
Posts: 524
Joined: Fri Mar 21, 2008 9:17 pm UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Plasmic-Turtle » Fri Apr 22, 2011 11:18 pm UTC

That's really crap Sungura :(
Pootentially you could contact their boss or something somehow and just mention that a little more customer service would be nice?

Ashlah wrote:the employees here all wear headsets and attack you as soon as you walk in the door. I don't care for that kind of salesperson, but yours don't sound great either.
I'm totally with you about over-boisterous customer service, too. Me and boy went to try out the new 'staff club' on campus the other day (it's a cafe & bar for staff and post-grads only). We made our way toward the area where you can look at the menus and at the take-away food so that we might check out the place and get a feel for what food they have and whether we wanted to eat there or not. But nope - harrassed 3 times by 2 different employees about do we want to get a table and do we want anything to drink and what menus do we want to look at and are we actually alright just taking a look at things ourselves... and it was that full-on overly assertive-aggressive interrogation rather than pleasant customer service, and they completely ignored the "just fuck off" body language we were giving. Food was nice, but the experience was one that sent blood pressure through the roof, rather than being enjoyable - and all just to grab a take-away sandwich!

User avatar
Cathy
Posts: 850
Joined: Sun Dec 27, 2009 5:31 am UTC
Location: TX, USA

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Cathy » Sat Apr 23, 2011 4:51 am UTC

Ugh. I'm sorry you had a bad experience Sungura! My nearby VS is similar... I feel like I have to kick the people around the store to get them to help me with anything. *offers hugs*

Something I've started doing is taking a hip/waist/rib/chest measurement before I go out shopping and bringing my tape measure (one of those flexible sewing ones) with me. I absolutely suck at estimating sizes by holding things up or whatever, and even if my tape measure and I look funny, it really helps me get an idea for what Small vs Medium vs Large really means for a specific brand. I did this for Aeropostale when I was thinking about buying something from them online and it really helped me get an idea for the sizes.
Amie wrote:Cathy, I now declare you to be an awesome person, by the powers vested in me by nobody, really.
yurell wrote:We need fewer homoeopaths, that way they'll be more potent!

User avatar
KestrelLowing
Posts: 1124
Joined: Mon Mar 22, 2010 6:57 pm UTC
Location: Michigan

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby KestrelLowing » Sat Apr 23, 2011 12:46 pm UTC

That really sucks that your VS is so stupid.

If it makes you feel better though, I know that there are clothes/underwear (at least at the store near me) that will fit some larger people. I wear somewhere between US 11-13 size pants and I'm usually a medium for underwear. I am a bit odd in my sizing though because I have a somewhat awkward body shape (I wear a 34A or 34B - so I'm out of proportion as the majority of people with that bra size wear 0-6 pants) My mother however is a bit larger and has a more normal body ratio. I think she wears somewhere between 16 and 14 and she can get VS stuff.

Still, the salespeople were horrible and that should never happen.

thewittyandthedashing
Posts: 110
Joined: Wed Apr 20, 2011 10:41 pm UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby thewittyandthedashing » Sat Apr 23, 2011 1:38 pm UTC

Sungura wrote:Finally made it to VS.

Well that was fail. Walk in a whole bunch of size-0 type teens milling around. See 3 employees doing nothing. I make 3 loops around the store, passing the 3 empolyees (who were together in the same spot) 3 times. I am quite sure I had a deer-in-headlights look on my fact because there was /nothing/ normal in that store, no PJ's or anything. I finally found in tucked away on a rack in the corner pants for pj's. I figured well maybe I could try them on to get an idea at least, to order online. *Nothing* did they have a size above a medium. Which going by the teens grabbing the mediums, ain't no way anyone larger than a size 4 would fit in. The 3 employees enjoyed staring at me and never once asked if they could help me find anything.

I think I was the fat girl there for their amusement.

*sighs*


I'm sorry :oops: I'm kinda to blame for that. Some people just suck. I'd still try online, if you're really into something you see there. You can always send it back.

Again, I'm sorry :/

User avatar
PictureSarah
Secretary of Penile Nomenclature
Posts: 4576
Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:37 pm UTC
Location: Sacramento, CA
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby PictureSarah » Sat Apr 23, 2011 3:23 pm UTC

I really love VS bras, but I *never* shop at a VS in person, because the employees are so aggressive in every store I've ever been in. I don't want help from an employee, pretty much ever....even if I can't find what I'm looking for, it just makes me kind of uncomfortable. Doubly so for shoes and bras. So when someone comes at me with the pink measuring tape and the bubbly voice, I flee.

I order stuff online, though.
"A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for."

User avatar
beyondweird
Posts: 304
Joined: Tue May 13, 2008 8:41 am UTC
Location: Oxford/North West England
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby beyondweird » Sat Apr 23, 2011 8:28 pm UTC

-
Last edited by beyondweird on Tue Apr 26, 2011 8:46 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
Everybody has a secret world inside of them...No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.

User avatar
GraphiteGirl
Alpha Male
Posts: 1531
Joined: Sat Mar 28, 2009 3:45 pm UTC
Location: South-East Snakeville

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby GraphiteGirl » Sun Apr 24, 2011 1:24 am UTC

I guess the main question is, would you rather have to deal with a medium-size to large friendship blow-up now, or have to live with the guy long term? I personally would prefer the former, but the calculation is up to you. I think you need to talk to your other housemates and tell them you're uncomfortable living with him, and doing it last time made you miserable. Tell them you know you understand that they're fine with him, and you should have said something earlier, but that you really don't think you can cope with living with him. If possible, have suggestions of other potential replacement housemates ready, but if not, that's ok. See how that step goes.
Sandry wrote:Man, my commitment to sparkle motion is waaaaay lower than you are intimating.

User avatar
beyondweird
Posts: 304
Joined: Tue May 13, 2008 8:41 am UTC
Location: Oxford/North West England
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby beyondweird » Sun Apr 24, 2011 7:39 am UTC

-
Last edited by beyondweird on Tue Apr 26, 2011 8:46 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
Everybody has a secret world inside of them...No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.

User avatar
Plasmic-Turtle
Posts: 524
Joined: Fri Mar 21, 2008 9:17 pm UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Plasmic-Turtle » Mon Apr 25, 2011 1:47 am UTC

-
Last edited by Plasmic-Turtle on Tue Apr 26, 2011 8:55 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Sungura
When life gives you banananas, make bananana bread
Posts: 3928
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2008 2:32 am UTC
Location: AL

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Mon Apr 25, 2011 1:56 am UTC

My only thought is put a lock on your door if there isn't one already so that way you know that your room is a safe zone for you.
"Would you rather fight a Sungura-sized spider or 1000 spider-sized Sunguras?" -Zarq
she/<any gender neutral>/snug

User avatar
beyondweird
Posts: 304
Joined: Tue May 13, 2008 8:41 am UTC
Location: Oxford/North West England
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby beyondweird » Mon Apr 25, 2011 4:54 am UTC

-
Last edited by beyondweird on Tue Apr 26, 2011 8:45 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
Everybody has a secret world inside of them...No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.

User avatar
KestrelLowing
Posts: 1124
Joined: Mon Mar 22, 2010 6:57 pm UTC
Location: Michigan

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby KestrelLowing » Mon Apr 25, 2011 4:36 pm UTC

My only suggestion for living with someone you're not overly fond of: Don't pretend like everything's ok, but don't be overly harsh either.

I always trended towards saying "everything's fine!" so that's what always cause the most issues for me. After all, if someone doesn't know that things they are doing are seriously annoying or destructive (and even if they do, they may need reminding - a LOT), how are they going to stop?


So, now for body image problems. For the first time in my life, I feel fat. Growing up, I was always fairly thin - genetics just worked out for me. The thing is, I know I'm not fat still, but it's amazing how fragile my self esteem is. I came home for Easter and I brought my new suit because I needed a little altering on the waistband of the pants (back gap - really annoying!). My mom was saying how the suit fit perfectly now, but that I'd want to make sure to not gain too much weight. Alright, I'm still cool because that's entirely true of any tailored clothes. So I mention that I've been 147 pounds very steadily for the past 5 years or so, even if I pig out or exercise a lot. It's just what my body likes to stay at. (Note: this is around my entire family)

My mom then says "Really? You're 147 pounds?" And of course my brother (who is about the same height) chimes in and says that he only weighs 135 lbs. Basically everyone was shocked that I weighed that much. It's just annoying, because I know I'm not fat. I'm 5'10" and 147 lbs is right where I should be - on the lower edge of the medium frame, which I am.

I know it was more of a shock thing, and I've had that before. Whenever I get into the inevitable pants conversation with a group of girls and people start throwing out pant sizes, everyone's shocked when I say I wear somewhere between 11 and 13, (and I've even had to buy a 14 before to fit my hips) depending on the style/company. It's just like all of the sudden everyone sees a number and they think that number is unhealthy, even though previously they didn't think I was bad! I hardly have any belly fat, my butt isn't that huge, and my thighs and such are fairly normal, but suddenly I feel horrible because of a number.

I know this is pretty common, but I've never had this feeling before. Heck, when I was younger before I developed child-bearing-hipsTM and it was evident that I would not get any more boob, I had numerous people who told me I could be a model when I grew up. I guess I'm just really uncomfortable, especially because it's my family.

Here's a picture: http://www.flickr.com/photos/61622943@N06/5653800389/

So I guess, could you guys just tell me I'm not fat!? Thanks :oops:

User avatar
podbaydoor
Posts: 7548
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2007 4:16 am UTC
Location: spaceship somewhere out there

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby podbaydoor » Mon Apr 25, 2011 4:43 pm UTC

5'10" gives you a lot of leeway to carry more weight than someone shorter (like me). Honestly, you look fine to me. Healthy, and (pardon me for a moment) deliciously curvaceous. Google some pictures of Marilyn Monroe, Betty Grable, or Esther Williams for extra assurance - Monroe wore a size 12, I believe. Esther Williams was MGM's "swimming star" so they put her in swimsuits all the time, and she doesn't look anything like today's Sports Illustrated.
tenet |ˈtenit|
noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
noun
a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.

User avatar
bluebambue
An der schönen blauen Donau
Posts: 900
Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2007 5:14 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby bluebambue » Mon Apr 25, 2011 5:11 pm UTC

I'm 5'7'' and 150lbs. I carry it well and wouldn't call myself fat. You are definitely not fat.

User avatar
Hope_
Posts: 579
Joined: Sat Oct 30, 2010 7:55 pm UTC
Location: UK

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Hope_ » Mon Apr 25, 2011 5:16 pm UTC

You are not fat at all, looking at the picture you look in good shape and quite thin to me. :) You do look curvy because of your hips, which is not bad thing at all, as Pod said deliciously curvaceous. Basically, you look great in the picture, and very adventurous. :P
Whelan wrote:
I Am Raven wrote:Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Damn baby, you're so wet!
Shakespeare was British.

User avatar
Jessica
Jessica, you're a ...
Posts: 8337
Joined: Tue Oct 23, 2007 8:57 pm UTC
Location: Soviet Canuckistan

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Jessica » Mon Apr 25, 2011 5:18 pm UTC

You are not fat.

I. I am fat (5'6.5, 220lbs)
doogly wrote:On a scale of Mr Rogers to Fascism, how mean do you think we're being?
Belial wrote:My goal is to be the best brain infection any of you have ever had.

User avatar
GraphiteGirl
Alpha Male
Posts: 1531
Joined: Sat Mar 28, 2009 3:45 pm UTC
Location: South-East Snakeville

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby GraphiteGirl » Mon Apr 25, 2011 5:29 pm UTC

You look lovely, and beautifully proportioned, and it's also a pretty lovely photo. You're not fat as far as I can see.

A little while ago I decided I was ok with describing myself as fat. And attractive. I like the use of the word as a pure descriptor, like tall or short of freckled or red-headed, without all the negative traits and assumptions of repulsiveness that people seem to tie to it.
Sandry wrote:Man, my commitment to sparkle motion is waaaaay lower than you are intimating.

User avatar
Cathy
Posts: 850
Joined: Sun Dec 27, 2009 5:31 am UTC
Location: TX, USA

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Cathy » Mon Apr 25, 2011 7:05 pm UTC

Hope_ wrote:You are not fat at all, looking at the picture you look in good shape and quite thin to me. :) You do look curvy because of your hips, which is not bad thing at all, as Pod said deliciously curvaceous. Basically, you look great in the picture, and very adventurous. :P


I completely agree with this! Slim and beautiful with curviness!
Amie wrote:Cathy, I now declare you to be an awesome person, by the powers vested in me by nobody, really.
yurell wrote:We need fewer homoeopaths, that way they'll be more potent!

User avatar
Isotope_238
Posts: 285
Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2009 9:59 pm UTC
Location: The Galaxy of a Thousand Rubies

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Isotope_238 » Mon Apr 25, 2011 7:11 pm UTC

You're not fat. You have delicious sexy curves, and you look awesome.

User avatar
Sungura
When life gives you banananas, make bananana bread
Posts: 3928
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2008 2:32 am UTC
Location: AL

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Mon Apr 25, 2011 7:52 pm UTC

You look great to me! Is that Lake Michigan?
"Would you rather fight a Sungura-sized spider or 1000 spider-sized Sunguras?" -Zarq
she/<any gender neutral>/snug

User avatar
Plasmic-Turtle
Posts: 524
Joined: Fri Mar 21, 2008 9:17 pm UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Plasmic-Turtle » Mon Apr 25, 2011 8:50 pm UTC

You look very slim to me, and very pretty too - is a gorgeous photo!

User avatar
RoadieRich
The Black Hand
Posts: 1037
Joined: Tue Feb 12, 2008 11:40 am UTC
Location: Behind you

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby RoadieRich » Mon Apr 25, 2011 9:22 pm UTC

Definitely beautiful. Definitely not fat.

If anything, I'd actually say you're bordering on skinny. Although it's a good, healthy skinny. (I realise the term has a lot of negative connotations, and don't want to imply that I'm applying any of them to you.)
73, de KE8BSL loc EN26.

User avatar
existential_squirrrel
Posts: 401
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 3:57 pm UTC
Location: San Rafael, CA

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby existential_squirrrel » Tue Apr 26, 2011 1:32 am UTC

Dear week of hell that is masquerading as finals week,

Leave me the hell alone! >:(
my trigger finger is acting up, I am tired as all hell, and I feel like a gorilla beat me up
I have three papers, three exams, and a crap ton and a half of other shit to do...
could somebody check in on me if I don't come back on by the 29th of April, 2011 by 2:00 pm Pacific Daylight Time?
just send me a message...

e_s

ps- to go along with the weight discussion:

I am 5feet 3 inches tall, very muscular and weigh nearly 150 lbs. I get mistaken for anything between 100 and 125 at the most. yet my doctor thinks I am very overweight... I am extremely active and carry a lot of my weight as muscle mass... funny
courage is about knowing when to pick yourself up and whisper to yourself, "I will try again tomorrow"
http://http://stats.free-dc.org/cpidtagb.php?cpid=f0b63432195be1a8665b08c414e36545&theme=12&cols=1

User avatar
KestrelLowing
Posts: 1124
Joined: Mon Mar 22, 2010 6:57 pm UTC
Location: Michigan

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby KestrelLowing » Tue Apr 26, 2011 2:00 am UTC

Aw, thank you guys! (or I guess girls... IDK, 'guys' is gender neutral for me) Yay for a little boost in ego!

Sungura wrote:You look great to me! Is that Lake Michigan?

I'm pretty sure. I know it's when I was going up to school in the UP, so it's either Michigan or Superior and based on the fact that I'm actually in the water up to my knees and just looking at the nice sand, it's probably Michigan for certain.

Also, good luck for all who are taking finals soon. It completely sucks, but it will all be over soon!

User avatar
dragon
"Can I have a Mountain Dew?!"
Posts: 319
Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2007 12:18 am UTC
Location: the darkness

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby dragon » Tue Apr 26, 2011 11:03 am UTC

Jessica's reply made me notice when I also did the self-comparison at the photo. The written weight hadn't registered as I don't think in pounds, but the image did. I am sensitive about my size. I do want to lose weight, for health and ease of activity, but I also feel immense shame for my appearance.

Repeatedly, it is shown that body-shame is not restricted to people who are fat. People like KestrelLowing, at the "normal" weight still get this. I think there are people on the other side too, people who are fat and happy with their body and their shape.

How do I drop the shame? It's not productive. There's no benefit. If anything, it makes me less likely to do the things I want to. Is this something in my head that I can fix?
Context? What context?
Sandry wrote:I'm kind of feeling like it'd be a good idea to somehow position a vibrator for hands-free use, then you can legitimately DDR with your feet while knitting and it all works.

User avatar
KestrelLowing
Posts: 1124
Joined: Mon Mar 22, 2010 6:57 pm UTC
Location: Michigan

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby KestrelLowing » Tue Apr 26, 2011 2:45 pm UTC

dragon wrote:Jessica's reply made me notice when I also did the self-comparison at the photo. The written weight hadn't registered as I don't think in pounds, but the image did. I am sensitive about my size. I do want to lose weight, for health and ease of activity, but I also feel immense shame for my appearance.

Repeatedly, it is shown that body-shame is not restricted to people who are fat. People like KestrelLowing, at the "normal" weight still get this. I think there are people on the other side too, people who are fat and happy with their body and their shape.

How do I drop the shame? It's not productive. There's no benefit. If anything, it makes me less likely to do the things I want to. Is this something in my head that I can fix?


It's a long, long process. While, as I said before, this was the first time I felt fat, it's certainly not the first time I've had issues with my body, and I'm gradually learning to be ok with them. For example, I used to be very annoyed at my A sized boobs. They were annoying as anything because nothing ever fit. However, as the years have gone by, I've become quite happy with them, realizing what's nice about them and learning how to deal with the things that made me hate them in the first place. So now I own a fair number of push up bras that allow shirts to fit much better, but I'm actually happy with my boobage now! I'm still learning to be happy with my extreme pear shape, but I'm starting to not hate it as much.

For me what helps is thinking that if you're just confident that you are amazing (which obviously is very difficult to do!), then other people will believe it to. So act like you are confident, even if you're not. Just pretend. Eventually, you may find yourself trending towards what you're acting. It works for me, but of course YMMV.

User avatar
Sungura
When life gives you banananas, make bananana bread
Posts: 3928
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2008 2:32 am UTC
Location: AL

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Tue Apr 26, 2011 3:04 pm UTC

I don't know dragon.

I am definitely curvy and have fat. My mom was always the same way, as was her mom, and grandma, there is a very genetic trend to this body shape in women in my family I'd say because the majority of females have it. And my mom tried to tell me I was normal and build my self-image when I was younger which helped for sure. But also being very conservative household, I never really learned how to dress to show off good things either. Tighter clothes, anything that would show my scar from open heart surgury, etc was off-limits. And the scar comes up almost to the top of my sternum so basically that means a normal t-shirt neckline.

About 3 years ago I started to wear (long) skirts, which I found fun and slimmed me down visually, and this was acceptable wear in my family. It was around then when I realized how much the shape of clothes I put on affected the appearence of my body. Over time, and now that I live on my own the last year, I've played more with lower necklines and more fitted jeans, which my mom always liked me in straight leg jeans (I often felt they made it look like I had elephant legs but they did make my hips look smaller, which was my mom's point in wearing them) and I realized that sort of thing actually ended up having a negative effect. I had to cover up my chest so much, and a nice V-neck really helps extenuate my awesome boobs. I was getting the straight-leged cut jeans to shrink my hips visually, but made (impo) my legs look bad and actually, while skinny jeans don't look good on me a relaxed boot cut shows off my curvalicous hips wonderfully without making them look huge.

While I was always active in karate, I started a year ago to cave, and then a few months later to play capoiera. Both have seriously increased my physical fittness and muscle tone. I've actually gained weight, but have lost mass. I still have fat for sure on my body and some of it I'd like to tone, and I think it will come in time some of it. But with caving, I learned that I can actually fit into a lot of damn tight spaces and I have amazing flexibility. Capoeira the flexibility comes in handy and with a little balancing help I can hold a handstand for like a minute, I'm throwing my body around every which way and the muscles I'm getting are awesome.

My shape will never change, but learning I am actually pretty awesome flexibility wise and definitly have compacity to have a good bit of muscle, naturally and in a fun way, as well as that HEY my boobs and hips are pretty damn awesome and those are never changing and it's *ok* to embrace them in what I wear was what turned my personal body image around. Yeah I still have those days when I just feel fat and ugly. I don't really think such days are unavoidable. But in general, I am pretty ok with who I am, and I can honestly say that. It is very freeing.

Photos
Spoiler:
Well, that is me in my avatar doing some capi on a hilltop!

Checkin' out a small crevice while ridgewalking
Image

Few weeks ago during our ice storm.
Image

SRT practice for vertical caving
Image

took this one just yesterday trying to explain to a friend how my chest harness for srt was because I want to edit it.
Image Image


my body stats
Spoiler:
between 5'6" and 5'7" and 185 lbs last checked, I wear a size 14-16
"Would you rather fight a Sungura-sized spider or 1000 spider-sized Sunguras?" -Zarq
she/<any gender neutral>/snug

User avatar
podbaydoor
Posts: 7548
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2007 4:16 am UTC
Location: spaceship somewhere out there

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby podbaydoor » Tue Apr 26, 2011 3:14 pm UTC

@Sungura and dragon: Also, I think the way you carry yourself can also affect your body image. Everybody has a belly pooch if you slouch, whereas it smooths out if you stand up straight (but comfortably straight, otherwise you look stiff). I can't help but conclude that Snug's martial arts, capo, and caving is probably helping you move more like an athlete with more physical comfort in your body, which would put you worlds away from someone who's equally curvy, but hunches over and shuffles (or some similar example).

One of my friends looks overweight - but only if you stop and think about it. She runs multiple miles a day (she's a soccer referee), knows how to play up her awesome boobs and hair, and moves with a self-confidence that makes her sexy as hell, with the suitors to show for it.
tenet |ˈtenit|
noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
noun
a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.

User avatar
Sungura
When life gives you banananas, make bananana bread
Posts: 3928
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2008 2:32 am UTC
Location: AL

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Tue Apr 26, 2011 3:43 pm UTC

yeah how you carry yourself definitely matters. The way i walk and carry my body is so different from years ago. Core musles are actually to help support your back and be straight, I naturally engage them when standing and walking now. I still slouch when I sit and definitely look fatter then because tummyfat just bllluuughhhs out haha! Also, standing up straight and looking around instead of down at the ground just shows confidence with body language, which also totally helps.
"Would you rather fight a Sungura-sized spider or 1000 spider-sized Sunguras?" -Zarq
she/<any gender neutral>/snug

User avatar
apricity
almost grown-up but not quite
Posts: 3983
Joined: Fri Jan 26, 2007 9:28 am UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby apricity » Tue Apr 26, 2011 3:47 pm UTC

KestrelLowing, I wouldn't call you fat. But I also don't think fat is a bad or negative thing to be, and it might be worth it to think about how your desire and ability to say "Oh good, I'm not fat" kind of marginalizes people who are. I know you're only worrying about yourself here, and it doesn't mean you think badly of people who are fat, but here in the Safespace it's best to be sensitive to everyone's experiences.

I could probably be considered fat... my limbs are pretty muscular but my stomach has always stuck out. I'm 5'8, and at the moment I'm 170 lbs. In the past I've been as low as 145 lbs, at which point my stomach still stuck out. At that point I was also going to the gym multiple times a week and counting calories. I'm happier now that I'm not doing that, but I do wish I could be more naturally inclined toward working out and eating right. I've gained weight this winter, which I'm a bit uncomfortable with as it means I haven't been as active as I'd like to be and I've also been eating things that I'm not supposed to eat (for medical reasons). But I now have a great new bike and I'll be working full-time on my feet this summer, so I expect I'll get much more fit as it gets warmer. I hate that winter brings me into hibernation mode, although since I've been taking Vitamin D supplements I've noticed I don't do that as much as I used to.
LE4d wrote:have you considered becoming an electron

it takes just a little practice to learn to be
(she/her/hers)

User avatar
podbaydoor
Posts: 7548
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2007 4:16 am UTC
Location: spaceship somewhere out there

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby podbaydoor » Tue Apr 26, 2011 4:00 pm UTC

Hmm...winter puts me in hibernation too (more depressed, less motivated). Perhaps I should look into Vitamin D supplements.
tenet |ˈtenit|
noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
noun
a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.

User avatar
KestrelLowing
Posts: 1124
Joined: Mon Mar 22, 2010 6:57 pm UTC
Location: Michigan

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby KestrelLowing » Tue Apr 26, 2011 4:22 pm UTC

lanicita wrote:KestrelLowing, I wouldn't call you fat. But I also don't think fat is a bad or negative thing to be, and it might be worth it to think about how your desire and ability to say "Oh good, I'm not fat" kind of marginalizes people who are. I know you're only worrying about yourself here, and it doesn't mean you think badly of people who are fat, but here in the Safespace it's best to be sensitive to everyone's experiences.

I could probably be considered fat... my limbs are pretty muscular but my stomach has always stuck out. I'm 5'8, and at the moment I'm 170 lbs. In the past I've been as low as 145 lbs, at which point my stomach still stuck out. At that point I was also going to the gym multiple times a week and counting calories. I'm happier now that I'm not doing that, but I do wish I could be more naturally inclined toward working out and eating right. I've gained weight this winter, which I'm a bit uncomfortable with as it means I haven't been as active as I'd like to be and I've also been eating things that I'm not supposed to eat (for medical reasons). But I now have a great new bike and I'll be working full-time on my feet this summer, so I expect I'll get much more fit as it gets warmer. I hate that winter brings me into hibernation mode, although since I've been taking Vitamin D supplements I've noticed I don't do that as much as I used to.


Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean for it to be a negative thing. While I believe there is a certain point where you are too fat (when it affects your long term health) there shouldn't be a problem. Stupid society says it is, and unfortunately I've listened throughout my life. I meant for it just to be a "Society sucks because they have these unrealistic ideals that numbers are what make people beautiful!" But, you're right, it totally wasn't. I'll try to make sure to think about that in the future though.

Now that you pointed that out, that was pretty crappy of me. :cry: I'm sorry everyone!

Also: Vitamin D supplements, that sounds like a decent idea. I find myself being very sluggish in the winter so I'll have to look that up and see if it would be beneficial for me, or at least have a placebo affect! (Which is very real)

User avatar
Virtual_Aardvark
Posts: 882
Joined: Fri Jun 20, 2008 8:27 pm UTC
Location: The Final Frontier
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Virtual_Aardvark » Tue Apr 26, 2011 7:25 pm UTC

For a really long time I was super unhappy with my body. Anorexia, bulimia, whole nine yards. I think IDing as lesbian really helped. In the queer and particularly dyke community no one really has patience for stereotypical female beauty. It wasn't okay for me to say I'm unattractive because that sexy bull-dyke in leather sure as hell doesn't fit the standard and do YOU want to tell her that? At the same time I switched to a mostly black and Latino HS where all of a sudden a (relatively) big ass was an advantage on a white girl. Living in environments where my shape was okay made me okay with my shape.

The big thing though is acting like I am sexy as hell. Even if I don't always feel attractive I've learned to walk and hold my body like I am. Even though my thighs are a little jiggly, I'm going out in this miniskirt and I'm going to look fantastic. It's just confidence. If you play at it long enough it starts to come true.
"imaginary gardens with real toads in them"
Mighty Jalapeno wrote:An actual cloud... full of lesbians.

User avatar
beyondweird
Posts: 304
Joined: Tue May 13, 2008 8:41 am UTC
Location: Oxford/North West England
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby beyondweird » Tue Apr 26, 2011 8:45 pm UTC

Um. Could I just ask for people who replied to my question to delete their replies.
I just found out said person still goes on these forums.
Basically, I'm hoping they haven't seen it. Bollocks.



On the current topic - I come from the opposite end, I'm tiny but I'm also boyish. I don't *have* a waist - no matter what I do, I don't go in on the waist at all, I'm also an A-cup, though slightly weightier on the hips. And it really is a lot to do with attitude - I get a lot more attention when I'm acting up 'feminine' than when I'm not, even in the same cut of clothes. I could be wearing the same outfit, and if I'm in my usual mode (tomboyish) I won't get much attention regarding looks beyond "You know, you really do look like a twelve year old boy". If I wear that outfit, and go out whislt glamming up with some makeup and go into 'girly mode', I get far more nice compliments. It really is to do with how you carry yourself.

(As for the people posting pictures, you all look lovely :D)
Everybody has a secret world inside of them...No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.

User avatar
sophyturtle
I'll go put my shirt back on for this kind of shock. No I won't. I'll get my purse.
Posts: 3476
Joined: Thu Mar 20, 2008 4:19 pm UTC
Location: it's turtles all the way down, even in the suburbs
Contact:

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby sophyturtle » Tue Apr 26, 2011 9:21 pm UTC

On jiggling thighs: In high school when I was a cheer leader and a wrestler and ballerina being about 5'5" and 111 pounds my thighs still jiggled when I walked because I was not flexing constantly. Around then I was dating a (jerk) guy who said something about how I should lose weight because I had fat rolls above my knee. Then I flexed the muscle he was talking about, explaining more leg presses were not going to get ride of it since that was where it came from.

I wish I still worked out at all. I miss flexing stuff.
I want to get to a place where I am neither conforming nor rebelling but simply being.

User avatar
Plasmic-Turtle
Posts: 524
Joined: Fri Mar 21, 2008 9:17 pm UTC

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Plasmic-Turtle » Tue Apr 26, 2011 10:28 pm UTC

Nice one sophy :) You could have further demonstrated the muscularity of your legs by giving him a good kick to the shins!

Spolier for excessive length!
Spoiler:
I have found that changing boyfriends can be a brilliant help. 1st boyfriend would go on about how he was only 7% body-fat. This was not helpful as I already had self-esteem and body image issues and was starting to head down a disordered-eating path. 2nd boyfriend did a wealth of things over the course of our 2 year relationship which I found really unhelpful: hold up our jeans & compare the waist-band size, comment on how large my serving of food was in a restauruant, tell all his friends that I 'eat like a bird', maintain some sort of expectation that I should be more feminine with bags & clothes etc e.g. even if I was freezing my arse off I shouldn't have the hood of my hoody over my head, not really take me seriously or care when I said I had issues with food and would like him to be more careful with what he says. These things were minor, and both blokes were overall very lovely people, but with my current boyfriend I know now what I CAN have. He won't bat an eyelid if I get though a whole pizza by myself in one sitting, NEVER makes me feel that I'm not feminine enough or not pretty enough, and when I do go through fitness phases he'll be there running or at the gym right beside me.

Also, to get away from the current media ideals for a bit, take a look at some nudes in art, e.g. Renoir. There is a range in body-shape, and none are treated in the paintings as any less beautiful than any other:
http://www.renoirgallery.com/painting.asp?id=151
http://www.renoirgallery.com/painting.asp?id=18
http://www.renoirgallery.com/painting.asp?id=127

Another thing I've found to greatly help me is to stop thinking about my body as a visual thing and instead to focus on what it can do. I can smell and see and feel and dance and sing... climb trees, experience the wind and the rain and the sun and gorgeous yeasty smell of home-made bread. Kestrel's body could see that gorgeous lake-view and feel the caress of the water against her legs. Snug's body can take her caving and has the strength and flexibility to allow her to handle capoeira, and yet the gentleness and sensitivity in her hands to care for tiny baby bunnies and feel their soft fur. When you look at it from that angle, our bodies are fucking AWESOME.

User avatar
Isotope_238
Posts: 285
Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2009 9:59 pm UTC
Location: The Galaxy of a Thousand Rubies

Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Isotope_238 » Wed Apr 27, 2011 4:00 am UTC

Plasmic-Turtle, I love you for that last paragraph. I'm definitely adding that to my mantras for when I'm not feeling body-confident.

Also, I've been immortalized in my psych teacher's collection of stories! We were talking about irrational fears, and I volunteered the story of the time I spilled almost-boiling water on myself as a little kid while stirring Jell-O, so I didn't make it again until a few years ago. He thought it was a great example, so he asked me if he could use it in future classes.

edit: typo. I'm learning Dvorak and keep mixing O and N.


Return to “General”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 30 guests