Boy Thread: put a hat on ur butt

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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby Ian Ex Machina » Sun Jun 15, 2008 12:36 am UTC

On the topic of Stella being wifebeater, any other Uk-ers heard alchopops being called bitchpiss? (The things you learn at strawberry fair.)
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby benjhuey » Sun Jun 15, 2008 6:12 am UTC

How much does running through woods and jumping fences at 11:15 at night rate on the Manly Scale?
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby Alexiel » Sun Jun 15, 2008 7:13 am UTC

benjhuey wrote:How much does running through woods and jumping fences at 11:15 at night rate on the Manly Scale?

Were you naked?
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby benjhuey » Sun Jun 15, 2008 7:25 am UTC

Unfortunately, no.
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby steelmole » Sun Jun 15, 2008 5:08 pm UTC

Why is holding your balls so much fun? I do it in bed in the morning, I do it while I'm watching TV. It's not a sexual thing, it just feels nice for some reason.

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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby Fat Tony » Mon Jun 16, 2008 1:52 am UTC

steelmole wrote:Why is holding your balls so much fun? I do it in bed in the morning, I do it while I'm watching TV. It's not a sexual thing, it just feels nice for some reason.

I don't think I can relate.
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby tryptanymph » Mon Jun 16, 2008 1:57 am UTC

Fat Tony wrote:
steelmole wrote:Why is holding your balls so much fun? I do it in bed in the morning, I do it while I'm watching TV. It's not a sexual thing, it just feels nice for some reason.

I don't think I can relate.

I can. Sometimes I'll just be sitting, watching TV, and, for no reason, I'll have my hand down my pants. It keeps my hand warm, and I'm always ready to scratch, should there be an itch.
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby Rippy » Mon Jun 16, 2008 2:06 am UTC

sleepygamer wrote:
Fat Tony wrote:
steelmole wrote:Why is holding your balls so much fun? I do it in bed in the morning, I do it while I'm watching TV. It's not a sexual thing, it just feels nice for some reason.

I don't think I can relate.

I can. Sometimes I'll just be sitting, watching TV, and, for no reason, I'll have my hand down my pants. It keeps my hand warm, and I'm always ready to scratch, should there be an itch.

On the other hand, in doing so you are much less prepared in the event of a sudden raptor attack. I mean, you could have one hand down your pants and one on your gun (which is undoubtedly at your side at all times), but then how do you fend the raptor off long enough to fire?

(That's an actual tactic when faced with a crazy dog or a police dog: let it bite your arm and then shoot it as soon as it's grabbed hold.)

And somehow I've managed to turn the subject from holding balls to fending off police dogs. Another job well done.

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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby tryptanymph » Mon Jun 16, 2008 2:12 am UTC

Rippy wrote:
sleepygamer wrote:
Fat Tony wrote:
steelmole wrote:Why is holding your balls so much fun? I do it in bed in the morning, I do it while I'm watching TV. It's not a sexual thing, it just feels nice for some reason.

I don't think I can relate.

I can. Sometimes I'll just be sitting, watching TV, and, for no reason, I'll have my hand down my pants. It keeps my hand warm, and I'm always ready to scratch, should there be an itch.

On the other hand, in doing so you are much less prepared in the event of a sudden raptor attack. I mean, you could have one hand down your pants and one on your gun (which is undoubtedly at your side at all times), but then how do you fend the raptor off long enough to fire?

(That's an actual tactic when faced with a crazy dog or a police dog: let it bite your arm and then shoot it as soon as it's grabbed hold.)

And somehow I've managed to turn the subject from holding balls to fending off police dogs. Another job well done.

Oh that one's easy. I just pretend to masturbate, until the raptor is too embarrassed to stay.

After it leaves, I'll actually masturbate. :D (And eat some bacon)
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby Fat Tony » Mon Jun 16, 2008 2:55 am UTC

Sticking your hand in your pants for comfort is different than holding your balls.
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby tryptanymph » Mon Jun 16, 2008 3:00 am UTC

Fat Tony wrote:Sticking your hand in your pants for comfort is different than holding your balls.

I meant, hand down pants, hand on balls, pretty much. XD
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby benjhuey » Mon Jun 16, 2008 3:01 am UTC

I do the hands-down-pants thing sometimes.
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby tryptanymph » Mon Jun 16, 2008 3:03 am UTC

benjhuey wrote:I do the hands-down-pants thing sometimes.

It's even more manly if you are topless/wearing a wifebeater, drinking a beer, watching the game, and shouting at your wife to cook your food faster. Bacon sandwich, with all bread replaced by bacon, naturally.
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby SecondTalon » Mon Jun 16, 2008 3:28 am UTC

Shadic wrote:Talking about slang is weaksauce, we should be talking about lifting heavy objects.


Sez you. A man understands his surroundings. To understand something is to being to control something.

If you do not understand the properties of gasoline when compressed and a spark is present, nor understand how a timing system can be engineered so as to deliver a spark at the precise moment of maximum compression, nor understand the importance of the exact amount of air required and so forth, you cannot tune a car engine. And there are few tasks manlier than souping up a car.

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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby Verysillyman » Mon Jun 16, 2008 4:46 am UTC

Is Carring up some soup as manly as souping up a car?

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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby eternal luna » Mon Jun 16, 2008 4:52 am UTC

benjhuey wrote:I do the hands-down-pants thing sometimes.
As do I.
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby SecondTalon » Mon Jun 16, 2008 4:54 am UTC

Verysillyman wrote:Is Carring up some soup as manly as souping up a car?

.... Sure, why not?
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby Fat Tony » Mon Jun 16, 2008 6:31 am UTC

Men's advice time:
A couple minutes ago I started feeling pain in my crotch as if there's too much pressure in the tubes or something. It's just now starting to ease off. Is this normal? Any clue what's going on?
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby Cooley » Mon Jun 16, 2008 7:29 am UTC

blue balls? I really don't know...

in your scrotum or closer to your prostrate gland? (anatomy hrs ftw)

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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby ishikiri » Mon Jun 16, 2008 10:54 am UTC

eternal luna wrote:
benjhuey wrote:I do the hands-down-pants thing sometimes.
As do I.

Hmm...One of may friends used (and probably still does, I haven't hung out properly with her in a while) to slip her hands over the top of the opposite boobs and said that was comforting. It just looked like had crossed her arms a bit too high really.

I am rather partial to slipping a hand in when sat. I also like to grab a boob when spooning. Squishy flubablubs of Happiness.
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby Mother Superior » Mon Jun 16, 2008 11:16 am UTC

sleepygamer wrote:
Rippy wrote:
sleepygamer wrote:
Fat Tony wrote:
steelmole wrote:Why is holding your balls so much fun? I do it in bed in the morning, I do it while I'm watching TV. It's not a sexual thing, it just feels nice for some reason.

I don't think I can relate.

I can. Sometimes I'll just be sitting, watching TV, and, for no reason, I'll have my hand down my pants. It keeps my hand warm, and I'm always ready to scratch, should there be an itch.

On the other hand, in doing so you are much less prepared in the event of a sudden raptor attack. I mean, you could have one hand down your pants and one on your gun (which is undoubtedly at your side at all times), but then how do you fend the raptor off long enough to fire?

(That's an actual tactic when faced with a crazy dog or a police dog: let it bite your arm and then shoot it as soon as it's grabbed hold.)

And somehow I've managed to turn the subject from holding balls to fending off police dogs. Another job well done.

Oh that one's easy. I just pretend to masturbate, until the raptor is too embarrassed to stay.

After it leaves, I'll actually masturbate. With some bacon. While eating some more bacon.


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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby backslash » Mon Jun 16, 2008 6:43 pm UTC

Rippy wrote:I mean, you could have one hand down your pants and one on your gun (which is undoubtedly at your side at all times), but then how do you fend the raptor off long enough to fire?

You got in serious shit for calling your weapon a "gun" in basic. As in Full-Metal-Jacket-run-around-the-billets-with-one-hand-on-your-crotch-and-one-carrying-your-rifle-while-chanting serious shit. The chant? "This is my weapon [shake rifle] this is my gun [shake crotch] this is for killing [shake rifle] this is for fun [shake crotch]." Repeat until you fall down from the running, shaking and yelling. Which was about twenty laps for private smartass, if I remember correctly.

SecondTalon wrote:A mastery of language shows you have a mastery of your tounge. Which is often something women (or men, if that's your flavor) are interested in, both linguistically and.. otherwise.

Heh. You said flavor.
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby 0xDEADBEEF » Mon Jun 16, 2008 6:51 pm UTC

backslash wrote:You got in serious shit for calling your weapon a "gun" in basic. As in Full-Metal-Jacket-run-around-the-billets-with-one-hand-on-your-crotch-and-one-carrying-your-rifle-while-chanting serious shit. The chant? "This is my weapon [shake rifle] this is my gun [shake crotch] this is for killing [shake rifle] this is for fun [shake crotch]." Repeat until you fall down from the running, shaking and yelling. Which was about twenty laps for private smartass, if I remember correctly.


In the military, a gun is a weapon. They issue it to you for the sole purpose of killing the enemy.

When I buy a gun, its main purpose is for fun, as a sporting good. I have no plans to kill anybody with it.

But if you back me into a corner, or threaten my family, a sporting good can become a weapon quick, fast, and in a hurry, whether it be a gun, a baseball bat, a golf club, a fillet knife, or damn near anything else at hand.

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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby steelmole » Mon Jun 16, 2008 7:07 pm UTC

Fat Tony wrote:Sticking your hand in your pants for comfort is different than holding your balls.


Which kind of pants do you mean? underwear pants or trouser pants?

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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby Fat Tony » Mon Jun 16, 2008 7:29 pm UTC

Both.
Also, whatever pain I was feeling last night went away in a couple minutes and I haven't felt it again.
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby Philwelch » Mon Jun 16, 2008 10:52 pm UTC

That tube pain actually happens to me too sometimes. Not sure what causes it.
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby 3fj » Mon Jun 16, 2008 11:14 pm UTC

0xDEADBEEF wrote:A sporting good can become a weapon quick, fast, and in a hurry, whether it be a gun, a baseball bat, a golf club, a fillet knife, or damn near anything else at hand.


Bonus points for using a less weapony kind of object.

"I protected myself with a gun" <---manly-ish
"I protected myself with a deck of cards" <---pretty fucking manly
"I protected myself with a single sheet of 'Value' A4 printing paper" <---[insert manly god of choice]
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby Felstaff » Mon Jun 16, 2008 11:18 pm UTC

'I protected myself with the 1000-yard stare of a hardened Vietnam vet'
'I protected myself by crumpling up a cup. And I'm not talking styrofoam.'
'I protected myself by baring my teeth/kissing my biceps'
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby |Erasmus| » Mon Jun 16, 2008 11:21 pm UTC

I was on tv claiming that the best kind of food to use as a weapon is an anchovie...

but yeah, fighting someone off with a sheet of paper would be pretty awesome.

ninja edit: And once again felstaff proves his awesome.

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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby tryptanymph » Mon Jun 16, 2008 11:26 pm UTC

Felstaff wrote:'I protected myself by crumpling up a cup. And I'm not talking styrofoam.'

Has someone been watching Red Dwarf?
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby Fat Tony » Tue Jun 17, 2008 1:40 am UTC

Philwelch wrote:That tube pain actually happens to me too sometimes. Not sure what causes it.

Me neither. Honestly, the only time I've ever felt that before was this one night last summer when I was second-basin' it with this chick who was apparently a fan of my guitar-playing, but I wasn't particularly stimulated last night, so I don't think that's relevant.
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby BoomFrog » Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:37 am UTC

Second base is boobie access, and home run is obvious, but I never really figured out what's third base? Hand in her pants?
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby benjhuey » Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:45 am UTC

I was under the impression that third-base was "naked time", but not yet "sexy-fun time".
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby Hoshi no Kabii » Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:59 am UTC

Then what is first base? Actually getting with her? So I goes straight from hooking up to boobie touching? One would think there must be a "base 1 1/2" with intimate touching or something.

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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby tryptanymph » Tue Jun 17, 2008 3:01 am UTC

Okay, from what I can gather from my erratic memory, it goes like this:

1st Base: Kissing. Easy peasy. :D
2nd Base: Boobie grabbing and so on.
3rd Base: "Heavy Petting" is how my friend jokingly described it. Think touching down under. Maybe a bit of oral play. :D
Home Run: *UnfUnfUnfUnfUnf*
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby benjhuey » Tue Jun 17, 2008 3:02 am UTC

If you consider "making out" the same as "hooking up with her", then yes.

Then again, I never use this scale to rate my relations, so I could be wrong.

Edit: NINJARS!
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby Philwelch » Tue Jun 17, 2008 6:17 am UTC

You actually can fight with a piece of paper, or at least a rolled up newspaper. It's called a Millwall brick, since it was once popular with English football hooligans.
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby ZLVT » Tue Jun 17, 2008 8:01 am UTC

backslash wrote:You got in serious shit for calling your weapon a "gun" in basic. As in Full-Metal-Jacket-run-around-the-billets-with-one-hand-on-your-crotch-and-one-carrying-your-rifle-while-chanting serious shit. The chant? "This is my rifle [shake rifle] this is my gun [shake crotch] this is for fighting [shake rifle] this is for fun [shake crotch]." Repeat until you fall down from the running, shaking and yelling. Which was about twenty laps for private smartass, if I remember correctly.


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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby Felstaff » Tue Jun 17, 2008 8:52 am UTC

sleepygamer wrote:
Felstaff wrote:'I protected myself by crumpling up a cup. And I'm not talking styrofoam.'
Has someone been watching Red Dwarf?
Technically I was just thinking back to the Smeg Ups VHS video I had some years ago. It has a tendency to interrupt even the most engrossing of my fantasy repertoire, on a daily basis*.
The Cat spoke, rather than wrote: 'You can always tell when he's tense. The way he scrunches up cups and throws them in the bin. And I'm not talking Styrofoam, I'm talking... [beat] ...what am I talking?'



*This belongs in the confession thread.
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Re: Man Thread: BOLLOCKS!

Postby 3fj » Tue Jun 17, 2008 9:47 am UTC

Philwelch wrote:You actually can fight with a piece of paper, or at least a rolled up newspaper. It's called a Millwall brick, since it was once popular with English football hooligans.


A newspaper is about 100 pages thick! 1 page would ROCK.

Didn't they start having to confiscate papers off of people in football games cause of that?
MY friends dad is a Millwall football hooligan. He looks the part too. Its rather amusing.
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