Sorcyress wrote:...especially when I'm paraphrasing stories.
Since I'm the only person who pays attention in english my friends are like,
"Ok, so what's this all about?"
"Well, There's this Merchant and he's got tons of friends, noe of whom he has vaguely homosexual feelings for, but that all goes out the window because That one(The love interest) has decided that there's a girl all the way out of town that's Super-hot, and she's an Heiress to boot! Problem is, if he doesn't turn up with some serious BLING, everyone's going to be like, 'Get out, BITCH!' So he needs some cash right? 'cos he can never hold onto it. THAT'S why he goes to his bestest Butt-buddy(The last section unbeknownst to him) and says 'Hey man, I need some Cash so I can get some more cash to pay back the cash I already owe you, PLUS the cash you're lending me right now, because I'm sure that as soon as we're married this chick won't mind me paying all our money to various loan-sharks and debt-holders. So the Merchant is like 'OK, but I don't gots that kind of cash RIGHT at this VERY moment. So we have to get it from some other lender, but he's Jewish, so he'll probably charge interest!' (Did I mention it's the 16th century? oh... well... it is, so Racism(Religion-ism?) is A-OK!)
SO They go to this guy, and he's like 'Why the hell would I give you money, You're a religionst ASSHOLE!' And the Merchant's like 'OH, right, you're the guy I HATE...'
But then the lender is like, 'Whatever dude, I'll lend you the cash, free of interest too!' And everyone's like 'SWEET!' And so the Lender is like,
'HEY, You know what'd be hilarious?! If we put down that the penalty for not returning the money in time is being Brutally slaughtered!' So the Merchant's friend is like 'That doesn't sound very funny.'
But the Merchant is like, 'yes it is, It's hilARious. Excuse me while I sign this apparently legal document.'*Forboooode*
Lots of stuff happens, the guy gets Married, through an odd process that values a Man's enitre personage on a 1-in-3 chance or simply common sense in that of COURSE the lead box is the one, Why would her father make it the OBVIOUS choice?0 The Lenders Daughter runs away 'cos he was a bit of an asshole, He gets all pissed off, the Merchant loses all his money, and the chick the guy was amrrying follows him back to the city to prove to him that he's a jerk... after she married him... and her maid married his friend.
So she preteds to be a Lawyer, and argues for the defence of the Merchant, she pulls some crap out her arse, they spit on the Lender and generally kick the crap out of him, and they all go home for tea and scones (Except the Lender, because they took all his stuff)
And that's The MErchant of Venice, By William Shakespeare