Help william overcome his fears of the fairer sex! (Split)

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william
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Postby william » Tue Nov 28, 2006 10:25 pm UTC

Dear World,

why did the really cute girl who said she liked me and would rush over to see me near the end of lunch blow me off?

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Postby william » Wed Dec 06, 2006 11:39 am UTC

Give me the courage to ask out the girl I've had a crush on for over a year, world.

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Postby william » Wed Dec 06, 2006 10:41 pm UTC

hermaj wrote:You should definitely do it, william! Asking out people is pretty scary but it is a good thing to do.

It happened today, the same as all days.
I walked past, I saw her.
I waved and said "hi".
She waved and said "hi".
I thought about it, but was too nervous and afraid.
I walked past again.

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Postby hermaj » Wed Dec 06, 2006 11:32 pm UTC

How old are you? You do not have to ask her out out straight away, you could invite her out for coffee and a chat or something? When you get past high school, you go on get-to-know-you-no-commitment dates all the time. Of course, that is not really helpful if you are still in high school, but at least you can show you are a mature young gentleman?

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Postby william » Wed Dec 06, 2006 11:34 pm UTC

hermaj wrote:How old are you? You do not have to ask her out out straight away, you could invite her out for coffee and a chat or something? When you get past high school, you go on get-to-know-you-no-commitment dates all the time. Of course, that is not really helpful if you are still in high school, but at least you can show you are a mature young gentleman?

I'm afraid to really ask her anything :P

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Postby aldimond » Thu Dec 07, 2006 1:43 am UTC

william wrote:
hermaj wrote:How old are you? You do not have to ask her out out straight away, you could invite her out for coffee and a chat or something? When you get past high school, you go on get-to-know-you-no-commitment dates all the time. Of course, that is not really helpful if you are still in high school, but at least you can show you are a mature young gentleman?

I'm afraid to really ask her anything :P


Start with, "What would you say if I asked you out?" Then you can ask her out and know what her answer will be, as long as she is fairly consistent.
One of these days my desk is going to collapse in the middle and all its weight will come down on my knee and tear my new fake ACL. It could be tomorrow. This is my concern.

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Postby Peshmerga » Thu Dec 07, 2006 1:58 am UTC

aldimond wrote:Start with, "What would you say if I asked you out?" Then you can ask her out and know what her answer will be, as long as she is fairly consistent.


Oh jeez :p

How about you get to KNOW her first. Does she even know you? At all?

I sit with my current interest at lunch twice a week. I eased into it by sitting there first with a friend and then sat there alone. From then on it's just talking and getting to know each other; of course there's always lying about yourself, but that comes with the job. Invite her to some informal activity or something fun you can both do together. Anything that requires you to touch each other is great; especially events that release endorphins (running, swimming, even walking) as this gets both of you extremely happy, and thus horny.

Always ask questions; people love to talk about themselves. Don't be afraid to ask a stupid question, unless it's a question that makes you seem like an ignorant shit. Don't spark too much philosophical or political arguments, unless she engages in them. You are the server and she is the customer; the customer is always right. It helps to be funny, too.
i hurd u liek mudkips???

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Postby aldimond » Thu Dec 07, 2006 2:15 am UTC

Peshmerga wrote:Oh jeez :p


The awkwardness generated by william doing that, then explaining it to this chick when she responds as if he's actually asked her out would cause teh earths to trip over its shoelace and fall face-first into the sun! It would be fun!
One of these days my desk is going to collapse in the middle and all its weight will come down on my knee and tear my new fake ACL. It could be tomorrow. This is my concern.

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Postby Verysillyman » Thu Dec 07, 2006 2:20 am UTC

aldimond wrote:[Start with, "What would you say if I asked you out?" Then you can ask her out and know what her answer will be, as long as she is fairly consistent.


So long as you know whether she's one of the ones who always lies or always tells the truth.

Asking what people would say of you asked them out is an awesome cop-out, it means if they say no then you can just go "Ah well, i guess i wont ask then" and if they say yes, you can fuck with their head for a while and say "Oh? Well, I might do that sometime then. But right now I have to get home for dinner, so maybe catch you later"

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Postby Narsil » Thu Dec 07, 2006 2:33 am UTC

Verysillyman wrote:
aldimond wrote:[Start with, "What would you say if I asked you out?" Then you can ask her out and know what her answer will be, as long as she is fairly consistent.


So long as you know whether she's one of the ones who always lies or always tells the truth.

Asking what people would say of you asked them out is an awesome cop-out, it means if they say no then you can just go "Ah well, i guess i wont ask then" and if they say yes, you can fuck with their head for a while and say "Oh? Well, I might do that sometime then. But right now I have to get home for dinner, so maybe catch you later"

Meta-questions FTW!

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Postby Peshmerga » Thu Dec 07, 2006 2:56 am UTC

My first kiss, I said "What would you say if I kissed you?" and she replied "Do I have to say anything?"

Dayum, that's some movie love makin right thur.
i hurd u liek mudkips???

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Postby hermaj » Thu Dec 07, 2006 3:04 am UTC

Awww, that's sweet!

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Postby aldimond » Thu Dec 07, 2006 5:52 am UTC

(Clearly someone that smooth must be a witch! Throw him in the lake!)
One of these days my desk is going to collapse in the middle and all its weight will come down on my knee and tear my new fake ACL. It could be tomorrow. This is my concern.

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Postby hermaj » Thu Dec 07, 2006 11:28 am UTC

He does seem to ooze smoothness. I always thought it was because he reminded me of Ryan Phillipe, which reminds me of Sebastian, which reminds me of being smooth.

Have I... have I stumbled on the secret yet? :shock:

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Postby myoumyouou » Thu Dec 07, 2006 12:15 pm UTC

note to all
hermaj knows too much.
everything you've ever thought about has been thought about before. think about it

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Postby aldimond » Thu Dec 07, 2006 5:01 pm UTC

Throw her in the lake, too?
One of these days my desk is going to collapse in the middle and all its weight will come down on my knee and tear my new fake ACL. It could be tomorrow. This is my concern.

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Postby TheTankengine » Thu Dec 07, 2006 6:56 pm UTC

Do not throw her in the lake!

Until she is on fire!

As we all know, Hitler cannot be extinguished by a mere lake, so we should be good.
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Postby william » Thu Dec 07, 2006 11:00 pm UTC

You know, I wasn't really expecting advice in the area of asking-out. But thank you.

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Postby hermaj » Thu Dec 07, 2006 11:03 pm UTC

If you two set me on fire and throw me in a lake I will have to mod your little socks off. Everything you say from now on will be "Ponies". Just think about the implications of that.

And, you're welcome :D (To william, not to you people who want to throw me in a lake.)

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Postby william » Thu Dec 07, 2006 11:35 pm UTC

hermaj wrote:And, you're welcome :D (To william, not to you people who want to throw me in a lake.)

Sigged.
Last edited by william on Thu Dec 07, 2006 11:44 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
SecondTalon wrote:A pile of shit can call itself a delicious pie, but that doesn't make it true.

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Postby aldimond » Thu Dec 07, 2006 11:43 pm UTC

hermaj wrote:If you two set me on fire and throw me in a lake I will have to mod your little socks off. Everything you say from now on will be "Ponies". Just think about the implications of that.


I once had to send an email to all my friends professing my undying love for the "My Little Pony" TV show, and asking them all to please call me "Buttercup" from then on, because I lost a bet.

What I'm trying to say is... BRING IT ON!

*gathers mob*
One of these days my desk is going to collapse in the middle and all its weight will come down on my knee and tear my new fake ACL. It could be tomorrow. This is my concern.

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Postby hermaj » Thu Dec 07, 2006 11:50 pm UTC

aldimond wrote:
hermaj wrote:If you two set me on fire and throw me in a lake I will have to mod your little socks off. Everything you say from now on will be "Ponies". Just think about the implications of that.


...Ponies?


What the hell kind of bet was that? :P What would have happened if you had won?

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Postby aldimond » Thu Dec 07, 2006 11:52 pm UTC

hermaj wrote:What the hell kind of bet was that? :P What would have happened if you had won?


I don't remember. I never won any bets.

*Googles "How to make the best torches"*
One of these days my desk is going to collapse in the middle and all its weight will come down on my knee and tear my new fake ACL. It could be tomorrow. This is my concern.

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Postby william » Thu Dec 07, 2006 11:53 pm UTC

aldimond wrote:
hermaj wrote:What the hell kind of bet was that? :P What would have happened if you had won?


I don't remember. I never won any bets.

*Googles "How to make the best torches"*

The best torches are made by hermaj wishing them into existence.
SecondTalon wrote:A pile of shit can call itself a delicious pie, but that doesn't make it true.

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Postby aldimond » Thu Dec 07, 2006 11:55 pm UTC

william wrote:The best torches are made by hermaj wishing them into existence.


Fine. Hermaj, will you please wish a torch into existence for me?
One of these days my desk is going to collapse in the middle and all its weight will come down on my knee and tear my new fake ACL. It could be tomorrow. This is my concern.

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Postby hermaj » Fri Dec 08, 2006 12:12 am UTC

You're going to set me on fire with it! I have a best friend of scathing wit, you are going to have to try a little harder to outmanoeuvre me. (That said, I am slightly weakened after the arduous task of spelling that ridiculous word.)

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Postby aldimond » Fri Dec 08, 2006 12:21 am UTC

Ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies, ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies "ponies" ponies ponies ponies .

Ponies.

Ponies ponies ponies ponies, "Ponies."

Ponies.

Ponies ponies.

POOOOONIIIIIIEEEEEEES!
One of these days my desk is going to collapse in the middle and all its weight will come down on my knee and tear my new fake ACL. It could be tomorrow. This is my concern.

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Postby william » Fri Dec 08, 2006 12:31 am UTC

aldimond wrote:
Peshmerga wrote:Oh jeez :p


The awkwardness generated by william doing that, then explaining it to this chick when she responds as if he's actually asked her out would cause teh earths to trip over its shoelace and fall face-first into the sun! It would be fun!

You think this should be added to this page?
SecondTalon wrote:A pile of shit can call itself a delicious pie, but that doesn't make it true.

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Postby aldimond » Fri Dec 08, 2006 12:32 am UTC

william wrote:
aldimond wrote:
Peshmerga wrote:Oh jeez :p


The awkwardness generated by william doing that, then explaining it to this chick when she responds as if he's actually asked her out would cause teh earths to trip over its shoelace and fall face-first into the sun! It would be fun!

You think this should be added to this page?


Ponies.
One of these days my desk is going to collapse in the middle and all its weight will come down on my knee and tear my new fake ACL. It could be tomorrow. This is my concern.

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Postby william » Fri Dec 08, 2006 12:33 am UTC

aldimond wrote:
william wrote:
aldimond wrote:
Peshmerga wrote:Oh jeez :p


The awkwardness generated by william doing that, then explaining it to this chick when she responds as if he's actually asked her out would cause teh earths to trip over its shoelace and fall face-first into the sun! It would be fun!

You think this should be added to this page?


Ponies.

hermaj, can you not ponyize his posts relating to this?
SecondTalon wrote:A pile of shit can call itself a delicious pie, but that doesn't make it true.

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Postby hermaj » Fri Dec 08, 2006 12:35 am UTC

This is better than expected. I am just wishing for a dignified and above-board victory, and suddenly, everywhere there is "ponies"! I did not even edit that or anything, even though I am sure you would love for it to look like I did. :P But instead you have awakened me to my super-awesome mind powers. Thankyou, aldimond, I am in your debt! But not so much in your debt as to allow you to set me alight and throw me in a lake.

EDIT: William, just to clarify - I have not been ponyising his posts at all. It is my super-awesome mind powers, or more likely, aldimond trying to second guess me.

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Postby aldimond » Fri Dec 08, 2006 12:38 am UTC

hermaj wrote:This is better than expected. I am just wishing for a dignified and above-board victory, and suddenly, everywhere there is "ponies"! I did not even edit that or anything, even though I am sure you would love for it to look like I did. :P But instead you have awakened me to my super-awesome mind powers. Thankyou, aldimond, I am in your debt! But not so much in your debt as to allow you to set me alight and throw me in a lake.


Don't you see? Because I am saying "Ponies" all the time you clearly must have already been set on fire and thrown into the lake! Muahahaha!

Err, I mean... Ponies!
One of these days my desk is going to collapse in the middle and all its weight will come down on my knee and tear my new fake ACL. It could be tomorrow. This is my concern.

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Postby william » Fri Dec 08, 2006 12:38 am UTC

hermaj wrote:This is better than expected. I am just wishing for a dignified and above-board victory, and suddenly, everywhere there is "ponies"! I did not even edit that or anything, even though I am sure you would love for it to look like I did. :P But instead you have awakened me to my super-awesome mind powers. Thankyou, aldimond, I am in your debt! But not so much in your debt as to allow you to set me alight and throw me in a lake.

EDIT: William, just to clarify - I have not been ponyising his posts at all. It is my super-awesome mind powers, or more likely, aldimond trying to second guess me.

Yeah, I probably should have noticed that by the you not being logged on bit.
SecondTalon wrote:A pile of shit can call itself a delicious pie, but that doesn't make it true.

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Postby hermaj » Fri Dec 08, 2006 12:40 am UTC

Blub blub blub blub blub blub blub

Bwla hwa hwa hwa blub...


...Hrrrumph at whoever did that. I am not drowned at all.
Last edited by hermaj on Fri Dec 08, 2006 1:49 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby aldimond » Fri Dec 08, 2006 1:01 am UTC

hermaj wrote:Bubble, bubble bubble bubble bubble Bubble bubble bubble bubble bubble bubble bubble bubble bubble bubble bubble bubble bubble's bubble bubble bubble bubble bubble :P


What was that? It's kind of hard to hear you from under water. Ponies.
One of these days my desk is going to collapse in the middle and all its weight will come down on my knee and tear my new fake ACL. It could be tomorrow. This is my concern.

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Postby fjafjan » Fri Dec 08, 2006 1:29 am UTC

It appears she does not float attached to a church, apples and very large rocks. Goodnight LANI RIFENSTALL!
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Postby Lani » Fri Dec 08, 2006 6:16 am UTC

fjafjan wrote:It appears she does not float attached to a church, apples and very large rocks. Goodnight LANI RIFENSTALL!


Do you mean Leni Riefenstahl? Or is this about me?
- Lani

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Postby Lani » Fri Dec 08, 2006 7:11 am UTC

Going back to the pick up lines bit, here are my two favorites:

1.) "If I were to ask you for [x], would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?"

You can't lose with that one. It's logically impossible.

2.) "Your voice masturbates my soul."

That one has actually seriously been used on someone I know.
- Lani



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Postby hermaj » Fri Dec 08, 2006 7:16 am UTC

The first one, depending on the guy, would either result in me walking off in a huff, or me actually buying him a drink.

The second one, I think I would just have to get the slap on.

EDIT: Edited because for some reason earn = either.
Last edited by hermaj on Fri Dec 08, 2006 7:23 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby aldimond » Fri Dec 08, 2006 7:22 am UTC

hermaj wrote:The first one, depending on the guy, would earn result in me walking off in a huff, or me actually buying him a drink.


Especially in the case where x belongs to the set of all drinks.
One of these days my desk is going to collapse in the middle and all its weight will come down on my knee and tear my new fake ACL. It could be tomorrow. This is my concern.


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