Dumbest things said in movies

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greeneggsnoham
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Dumbest things said in movies

Postby greeneggsnoham » Tue Aug 26, 2008 4:25 am UTC

Forgive me if there is another thread on this topic. I did search and couldn't find anything.

Let me give you the example that inspired me to start this thread. Bonus points if you can guess the movie.

Code: Select all

It's an armageddon story. World is desolate, civilization destroyed. Our hero is standing in the desert, leaning against a post after a moving (i.e. horribly cliché) funeral scene, staring into the distance. The dust swirls around her in a way that only happens in the movies. One of the other characters walks away from the funeral and asks our hero "Got a minute?"



All I could think was "Who WROTE this DIALOG???" I mean, it's not like she's rushing off to pick the kids up from school, or to chair a board meeting. SHE'S LEANING AGAINST A POST IN THE DESERT!!! OF COURSE SHE HAS A MINUTE!!! HECK SHE MIGHT EVEN HAVE 2!!!

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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby Rippy » Tue Aug 26, 2008 5:19 am UTC

"Fly, you fools!"

But hobbits don't have wings!


...I'm sorry. I'll just, uh, pack my bags and leave the thread, then?

On a more serious note, I'll probably think of some better contributions when I'm not exhausted from staying up til 1AM. Can we also count stupid plot elements in movies? Because if so I'd list off half of The Day After Tomorrow.

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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby wing » Tue Aug 26, 2008 6:52 am UTC

greeneggsnoham wrote:Forgive me if there is another thread on this topic. I did search and couldn't find anything.

Let me give you the example that inspired me to start this thread. Bonus points if you can guess the movie.

Code: Select all

It's an armageddon story. World is desolate, civilization destroyed. Our hero is standing in the desert, leaning against a post after a moving (i.e. horribly cliché) funeral scene, staring into the distance. The dust swirls around her in a way that only happens in the movies. One of the other characters walks away from the funeral and asks our hero "Got a minute?"



All I could think was "Who WROTE this DIALOG???" I mean, it's not like she's rushing off to pick the kids up from school, or to chair a board meeting. SHE'S LEANING AGAINST A POST IN THE DESERT!!! OF COURSE SHE HAS A MINUTE!!! HECK SHE MIGHT EVEN HAVE 2!!!

If I'm standing alone at a post outside a funeral, it's a damn good bet I want to be left the fuck alone. If you walk up to me and just start talking, I'm likely to just ignore you and walk away. If you ask me if I want to be bothered, I might entertain you.
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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby the_bandersnatch » Tue Aug 26, 2008 10:52 am UTC

Well, there's the eternally stupid "They can take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!" -er, wrong, we'll take both thanks!

But my favourite is near the end of the final Matrix film, the (anti-)climactic battle between Smith and Neo. Smith asks "Why? Why do you keep fighting?" the viewers hold their breath for some witty comeback, some pearl of wisdom, some nugget of universal defiance... Neo's answer: "Because I choose to."

Gah.
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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby Kag » Tue Aug 26, 2008 11:47 am UTC

Well, in the context of the Matrix, that's really kind of a significant response. That doesn't make it any less of a lame-ass line, though.

edit: will edit in on-topic content later <.<
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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby ParanoidDrone » Tue Aug 26, 2008 1:18 pm UTC

Kag wrote:Well, in the context of the Matrix, that's really kind of a significant response. That doesn't make it any less of a lame ass-line, though.

Fixed.

Umm...my memory is failing me right now. I'll get back to you on that one.
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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby bbctol » Tue Aug 26, 2008 1:37 pm UTC

And of course the classics. "Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space? "

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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby Fossa » Tue Aug 26, 2008 1:39 pm UTC

[/thread]

bbctol just won.

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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby Fuzzy_Wuzzy.bmp » Wed Aug 27, 2008 12:43 am UTC

I will top that, because Star Trek!:
(away team in a cave with noone else in it)
Blind Black Guy: "It seems there are others here, at the same place, but a few nanoseconds behind us in time."

Well, would you look at that, at the same place, but at a different time. At the same place, but at a different time. AT THE SAME PLACE, BUT AT A DIFFERENT TIME. AT THE SAME GOD DAMN PLACE, BUT AT A DIFFERENT MOTHERFUCKIN TIME.

You know what shouldn't have been at the same place, but at a different time? Whoever wrote this and a speeding out-of-control train that is also on fire.

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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby Lord Aurora » Wed Aug 27, 2008 12:49 am UTC

Every single line ever written for the entirety of the Star Wars series.

No, not just the new ones.

The dialog in the old ones was just as bad---in fact, in many instances, it was much, much worse.
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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby Briareos » Wed Aug 27, 2008 1:20 am UTC

Lord Aurora wrote:Every single line ever written for the entirety of the Star Wars series.

No, not just the new ones.

The dialog in the old ones was just as bad---in fact, in many instances, it was much, much worse.


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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby anyone » Wed Aug 27, 2008 1:23 am UTC

Briareos wrote:
Lord Aurora wrote:Every single line ever written for the entirety of the Star Wars series.

No, not just the new ones.

The dialog in the old ones was just as bad---in fact, in many instances, it was much, much worse.


I've got a bad feeling about this.


That's no moon...

Also, Legolas: "A diversion!"

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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby Fat Tony » Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:28 am UTC

Here's the big climactic scene from the Golden Compass: the main villianness reveals to the protagonist that her (the protagonist's) parents didn't *really* die in an airship crash. She follows this up with, "I am your mother!"
The young lady refuses to believe this and screams her disbelieve.
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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby bbctol » Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:30 am UTC

anyone wrote:
That's no moon...

Also, Legolas: "A diversion!"


"They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!"

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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby Seremite » Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:33 am UTC

X-Men:
"You know what happens to a frog when it's struck by lightening?
Same thing that happens to everyone else."

Hurrah for superhero wit.
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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby ParanoidAndroid » Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:56 am UTC

If Final Fantasy: Advent Children counts, then there's only one option.

"Dilly dally shilly shally."

According to a Japanese friend of mine, the original line was an untranslatable Japanese idiom. Okay, that's fine. Just don't substitute it with stupid sounding nonsense.

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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby Sir_Elderberry » Wed Aug 27, 2008 3:19 am UTC

Padmé Amidala: You're not all-powerful, Ani.
Anakin Skywalker: Well, I should be! Someday I will be. I will be the most powerful Jedi ever. I promise you. I will even learn to stop people from dying! It's all Obi-Wan's fault! He's jealous! He's holding me back!


Grrr. Star Wars has been mentioned. But still, this line stands out. It should be noted that the last thread like this resulted in me linking TVTropes, and I'm sure several people are tracing my IP now to kill me judging from the reaction. I will attempt to avoid doing that in the future.
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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby emceng » Wed Aug 27, 2008 8:59 pm UTC

I am amazed no one has posted the classic:

"The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isoceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side."
-Scarecrow, "The Wizard of Oz"

Then, as a follow up and also horrible:

"The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isoceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side."
"That's a right triangle you idiot!"
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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby Raiku » Wed Aug 27, 2008 10:21 pm UTC

Meh, mine's an obvious one if you're sad like me and watch Jackass:

'Does it hurt?'

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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Wed Aug 27, 2008 10:30 pm UTC

bbctol wrote:"They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!"

To Isengard! To Isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!
To Isengard! To Isengard!

...

I almost barfed from laughter when I first saw that, and even now, in my office, I can't stop chuckling at the thought.

Can I throw in pretty much all of Spiderman 3? Except where Topher asks God to kill Parker... that was poetry.

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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby Dave Rapp » Wed Aug 27, 2008 10:45 pm UTC

I always thought John McClane's catchphrase was pretty stupid. Plus the genius writers apparently failed to realize that they could never put it in a trailer. If "Why So Serious?" is any indication, the trailer is one of the few places where a catchphrase actually works.
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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby Lt Greatsocks » Thu Aug 28, 2008 1:16 am UTC

Fantastic Four

Doctor Doom: Let's not fight.
Jessica Alba: No... let's.

God, that line makes me want to kill myself. That movie sucked.

Also, not really a line, but still worth mention.
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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby Solt » Thu Aug 28, 2008 5:59 am UTC

That sappy love line in Star Wars 2 or 3 between Anakin and Padme. I was trying to give Lucas the benefit of the doubt on those movies but that line just made me want to do a facepalm.

Unfortunately when I google star wars quotes or similar, I only get good quotes...
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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby AllSaintsDay » Thu Aug 28, 2008 6:09 am UTC

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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby AtomicCow » Thu Aug 28, 2008 7:15 am UTC

A.I.: Artificial Intelligence

Everything. Just... everything...

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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby Manial » Thu Aug 28, 2008 11:00 pm UTC

AtomicCow wrote:A.I.: Artificial Intelligence

Everything. Just... everything...


It would've been a lot better if the film ended with them underwater in front of the fairy statue.

Anyway, Resident Evil: Apocalypse has some particularly horrendous quotes and plot points. Like the fact that the characters decide to walk through a cemetery. They've just been attacked by hundreds of living dead, so clearly the cemetery's the best place to be :roll:

And yet, now that I think about it, how did those bodies get infected anyway? :?

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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby Mo0man » Thu Aug 28, 2008 11:17 pm UTC

Also: Wouldn't they have been rotten by now? How does the T-Virus infect stuff when all that's left is.. goo. Goo and bones
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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby greeneggsnoham » Fri Aug 29, 2008 8:34 pm UTC

Manial wrote:
Anyway, Resident Evil: Apocalypse has some particularly horrendous quotes and plot points. Like the fact that the characters decide to walk through a cemetery. They've just been attacked by hundreds of living dead, so clearly the cemetery's the best place to be :roll:

And yet, now that I think about it, how did those bodies get infected anyway? :?


Bingo. That's the movie I was referring to with the OP. Cookies for you.

There are SO MANY stupid things in that movie. Like for example how at the end when everyone piles into a helicopter to fly to alaska. Helicoptors average around a 400 mile range on a tank. Did the T-virus affect knowledge of american geography too? I mean, Vegas and Alaska are kinda far apart...

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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby Manial » Fri Aug 29, 2008 10:11 pm UTC

greeneggsnoham wrote:
Manial wrote:
Anyway, Resident Evil: Apocalypse has some particularly horrendous quotes and plot points. Like the fact that the characters decide to walk through a cemetery. They've just been attacked by hundreds of living dead, so clearly the cemetery's the best place to be :roll:

And yet, now that I think about it, how did those bodies get infected anyway? :?


Bingo. That's the movie I was referring to with the OP. Cookies for you.


Actually I was wrong, you're talking about RE: Extinction :oops: *eats a cookie anyway*

But yeah, that series went to crap pretty quickly, although I actually liked the first movie. It was within the bounds of realism, had some semblance of a plot, and was actually suspenseful and creepy (Like the first zombie part where you hear one dragging an axe but can't see it. Or the Red Queen.) The other films are just "Here's a zombie exactly where you'd think they'd be: Blargh!".

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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby Mother Superior » Fri Aug 29, 2008 10:19 pm UTC

Pirates of the Carribean, the first one: Elizabeth had just proposed some wacky and weird idea for saving the day, and the black lady who is in that movie for no good reason says "You're daft woman!" and (here it comes) the first mate answers back:
"Daft like Jack!"

Urgh... it's so... bad. So very bad.
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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby DuSTman » Sat Aug 30, 2008 1:27 am UTC

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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby roc314 » Sun Aug 31, 2008 6:19 pm UTC

"It's got what plants crave; it's got electrolytes!"

Or did you mean dumbest as in the quote wasn't supposed to be idiotic? Dumb as in bad plot or writing for the movie?
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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby pkuky » Mon Sep 01, 2008 4:17 pm UTC

I liked star wars lines. dumbest/awesomest one was when they get trapped in a bubble in the hallway and obiwan says "how could this have happened? we're smarter then this!"
not exactly from a movie, but the awesomest line ever is from FF7 when cloud's a plant and it's like "of course he is, with all the radiation poisoning he's been getting. frankly I can't see how he survived this long".
(it's relevant because it points out how stupid the rest of it is. I mean, they get super soldiers by exposing them to high levels of radiation until their eyes glow? what the hell?)
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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby Cheese » Mon Sep 01, 2008 6:18 pm UTC

pkuky wrote:(it's relevant because it points out how stupid the rest of it is. I mean, they get super soldiers by exposing them to high levels of radiation until their eyes glow? what the hell?)
...radiation from Mako, or the Lifestream. They infuse them with extra life force, or something.

Generally, things like this are left fairly vague so that people can come to their own conclusions - and critics can't point out how stupid they are because the specifics aren't set in stone.
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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby crowey » Tue Sep 02, 2008 12:45 am UTC

in X men 2
"The mutant gene is carried by the male"

How are there female mutants then?

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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby DaMullet » Tue Sep 02, 2008 12:48 am UTC

It just means female mutants won't have mutant babies, just the male ones will.
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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby crowey » Tue Sep 02, 2008 12:49 am UTC

if the mutant gene is carried by males, it must be on the Y chromosome, otherwise it would be carried by both.
if it's on the Y females can't get the gene and so won't ever be mutants.

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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Tue Sep 02, 2008 1:58 am UTC

There are no female mutants.

Seriously, no-one ever got jiggy with Rogue or Storm, so... y'know...

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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby GCM » Tue Sep 02, 2008 2:54 am UTC

"Bond. James Bond."

But honestly, Casino Royale made a good one out of it. It's context, baby!
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Re: Dumbest things said in movies

Postby DaMullet » Tue Sep 02, 2008 3:34 am UTC

Yeh, I know nothing of genetics. I'm assuming my interpretation is what they're getting at- That at which they're getting, which is what most people who know nothing of genetics will assume.
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