Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

It's only cool if no one's heard of it.

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BlochWave
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Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby BlochWave » Wed Sep 05, 2007 1:36 am UTC

Radar couldn't detect 99 red balloons!



WARNING - Any post relating to Alanis Morissette and irony will result in the use of the following emoticon: :roll:. We all get it and you're not clever.

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Ketzerei
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Postby Ketzerei » Wed Sep 05, 2007 1:40 am UTC

Cats can not really sing!

Or, alternatively, worms can not really play the drums for a variety of different reasons.
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functionally_stupid
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Postby functionally_stupid » Wed Sep 05, 2007 1:58 am UTC

Your "Humps" - they're mostly tumor by now, and you only dance like a whore so you can pawn that ice in to pay for the chemo. Night after night you lay awake, wondering how long you have before the disease begins to eat away at your only means of earning money - your looks. You can't get a masectomy, not with what your only real job asks of you. Secretly, being propositioned by strangers frigtens you even more than the cancer. You know it's a dangerous game you're playing with these men's sex drives, and if one of them rapes you after a night of drinking, you won't have the money for STD treatments or an abortion. After all, next to the hospital bills, you barely have enough money for food.

:D I'm an incredibly cheerful person.

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Belial
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Postby Belial » Wed Sep 05, 2007 2:00 am UTC

Your "Humps" - they're mostly tumor by now


A friend of mine made a comic with exactly that thrust to it.
addams wrote:A drunk neighbor is better than a sober Belial.


They/them

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Ketzerei
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Postby Ketzerei » Wed Sep 05, 2007 2:02 am UTC

I knew there was a reason I hated that song.

[edit]To contribute to the topic - You can't be a "mariner" if you were a landlubber until you went to sea for no purpose other than to exact your revenge.
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Handsome
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Postby Handsome » Wed Sep 05, 2007 2:08 am UTC

The sun is not a gas, it's a plasma. And it burns at billions of degrees, not millions.
I eat yellow snow
Cones, that is. Not yellow snow
Well, not normally.

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Ketzerei
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Postby Ketzerei » Wed Sep 05, 2007 2:10 am UTC

I was really hoping someone would do that one. Have you heard the original version? It makes the TMBG one that much better, I think.
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Belial
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Postby Belial » Wed Sep 05, 2007 2:11 am UTC

Technically, plasma is just energy-supercharged gas
addams wrote:A drunk neighbor is better than a sober Belial.


They/them

BlochWave
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Postby BlochWave » Wed Sep 05, 2007 2:19 am UTC

And the effective surface temperature(granted not the hottest part)is thousands of degrees >_>

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Ketzerei
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Postby Ketzerei » Wed Sep 05, 2007 2:21 am UTC

Well, yes, but you won't be building any hydrogen into helium with that, now will you?
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BlochWave
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Postby BlochWave » Wed Sep 05, 2007 2:23 am UTC

But the song doesn't specify!

Back on topic- It was the heat of the moment is no excuse for rape

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Nimz
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Postby Nimz » Wed Sep 05, 2007 2:55 am UTC

I have no idea what songs you're all talking about so I'll do one for a song I do know what I'm talking about.

Breakfast tastes the same whatever country you're in.
LOWA

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warhorse
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Postby warhorse » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:05 am UTC

"What if Got _were_ one of us?"

Use the subjunctive!
It's OK to be social, just don't tell anyone about it.

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Akula
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Postby Akula » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:09 am UTC

There are many situations in which is infact not Safe To Dance.
"I never let my schooling interfere with my education" - Mark Twain

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Hammer
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Postby Hammer » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:09 am UTC

Things that do not make you go blind:
1. Science
2. Looking at other people
"What's wrong with you mathematicians? Cake is never a problem."

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Swordfish
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Postby Swordfish » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:09 am UTC

Handsome wrote:The sun is not a gas, it's a plasma. And it burns at billions of degrees, not millions.


The temperature of the Sun's core is about 24,500,000° F. The song was right. :P
"If I had a nickel for every time I was wrong, I'd be broke." Stephen Colbert

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Solt
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Postby Solt » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:09 am UTC

There is no God?
"Welding was faster, cheaper and, in theory,
produced a more reliable product. But sailors do
not float on theory, and the welded tankers had a
most annoying habit of splitting in two."
-J.W. Morris

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Akula
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Postby Akula » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:11 am UTC

Hammer wrote:Things that do not make you go blind:
1. Science
2. Looking at other people


That should be:
1. SCIENCE!
"I never let my schooling interfere with my education" - Mark Twain

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The LuigiManiac
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Postby The LuigiManiac » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:12 am UTC

Steel horses aren't very effective. Just ride on a normal one next time.

Funky Town is not actually on any maps, except in works of fiction.
Spoiler:
THE CAKE IS A 3.141592653589...!

Khonsu
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Postby Khonsu » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:15 am UTC

YOU NEED EDUCATION AND SOME GODDAMN THOUGHT CONTROL BECAUSE DOUBLE NEGATIVES ARE IGNORANT.
Sorry, Floyd. I know we've never really agreed, but that's always bugged me more than how much the creepy guys I know love you.

Doing it faster, on the contrary, does not make you stronger, merely more likely to get a Charlie Horse. May I suggest more potassium? Broccoli is a good source.

Los Angeles isn't burning and 'caringosity' is neither a word nor did it kill Kerouac's cat. In fact, I don't believe Kerouac was inclined to like felines.

John is not the Walrus because John says Paul is the Walrus. I think that is a pretty scientifically air-tight assertion based on obvious eyewitness testimony.

Also, despite Harvey Danger's assertions, stupid people are not the only ones breeding; okay it certainly seems like that some of the time, but c'mon guys, things are looking up! No? Awww...

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lowbrass
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Postby lowbrass » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:31 am UTC

The cost of a stairway to heaven would be astronomical and there is no possible way that it could be financed by a single person.

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Hammer
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Postby Hammer » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:37 am UTC

Khonsu wrote:John is not the Walrus because John says Paul is the Walrus. I think that is a pretty scientifically air-tight assertion based on obvious eyewitness testimony.

I agree.

In addition, almost everyone has feet down below their knees. Why did this require special mention?

On the other hand, we are indeed all stardust.
"What's wrong with you mathematicians? Cake is never a problem."

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Felgraf
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Postby Felgraf » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:39 am UTC

It is easy to take the sky from someone just by locking them underground, with no access to the outside world.

Czechoslovakia is no longer a country. Sorry, Yakko.
"What can the harvest hope for, but for the care of the reaper man?" -Death, from Terry Pratchett's Reaper Man

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Akula
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Postby Akula » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:43 am UTC

There is no real evidence to suggest that dreams actually stay with you, simply because you live in a big country.
"I never let my schooling interfere with my education" - Mark Twain

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Ketzerei
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Postby Ketzerei » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:44 am UTC

Felgraf wrote:It is easy to take the sky from someone just by locking them underground, with no access to the outside world.

Similarly, it's completely infeasible to boil an entire sea.
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Akula
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Postby Akula » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:47 am UTC

It is impossible to spontaneously turn Japanese. Or any other race for that matter.
"I never let my schooling interfere with my education" - Mark Twain

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Belial
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Postby Belial » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:48 am UTC

If one has run so far away then one has, by definition, gotten away.
addams wrote:A drunk neighbor is better than a sober Belial.


They/them

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Akula
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Postby Akula » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:49 am UTC

You cannot actually smell "teen spirit"
"I never let my schooling interfere with my education" - Mark Twain

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Belial
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Postby Belial » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:51 am UTC

Actually, you can. It's a brand of deoderant
addams wrote:A drunk neighbor is better than a sober Belial.


They/them

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Akula
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Postby Akula » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:51 am UTC

You cannot become entangled in a color, including blue.
"I never let my schooling interfere with my education" - Mark Twain

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Hammer
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Postby Hammer » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:52 am UTC

You cannot dangle from a rope of sand.

It is much more likely that you have been drinking than that the piano has.

And nobody ever became a slaughterhouse bigshot by playing accordion for the boss.
"What's wrong with you mathematicians? Cake is never a problem."

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Akula
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Postby Akula » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:55 am UTC

These days, if you offered to give a little girl a "magic carpet ride" you would probably wind up getting a stern talking to from Dateline's Chris Hansen instead.
"I never let my schooling interfere with my education" - Mark Twain

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lowbrass
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Postby lowbrass » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:57 am UTC

You cannot, in fact, fly like an eagle.

Infants, if not colorblind can see the full color spectrum, not just black and white, then red and yellow.
Last edited by lowbrass on Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:59 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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podbaydoor
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Postby podbaydoor » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:57 am UTC

You actually pronounce all the letters in Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz separately.
tenet |ˈtenit|
noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
noun
a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.

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pollywog
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Postby pollywog » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:59 am UTC

Every day is not a Saturday. Saturdays only happen once in a week.

One man cannot sell the world.

Not everything is broken. Some things are still unbroken.

Technically, the last cut, in a series, will be the deepest, and in many cases, the first cut does not even break the skin.

Weather is a natural phenomenon. No person can take it anywhere.

Everybody without colour blindness can see red, mate, you're not that special.

Almost all of these are favourite songs of mine, yet this doesn't hurt at all. Strange.
suffer-cait wrote:hey, guys?
i'm fucking magic

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Akula
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Postby Akula » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:59 am UTC

It doesn't make any sense to be more human than human.
"I never let my schooling interfere with my education" - Mark Twain

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Hammer
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Postby Hammer » Wed Sep 05, 2007 4:00 am UTC

Doctors do not consider "a bad case of lovin' you" to be a valid diagnosis.
Same goes for "any love is good love" as a treatment option.

Oh, and you see the lightning before you hear the thunder.
Last edited by Hammer on Wed Sep 05, 2007 4:01 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
"What's wrong with you mathematicians? Cake is never a problem."

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Belial
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Postby Belial » Wed Sep 05, 2007 4:01 am UTC

lowbrass wrote:Infants, if not colorblind can see the full color spectrum, not just black and white, then red and yellow.


Well played.
addams wrote:A drunk neighbor is better than a sober Belial.


They/them

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lowbrass
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Postby lowbrass » Wed Sep 05, 2007 4:04 am UTC

Belial wrote:Well played.


Thank you.

This thread wins. Less tasteful: it is impossible for hips to lie. Saying that they don't is meaningless.

Khonsu
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Postby Khonsu » Wed Sep 05, 2007 4:08 am UTC

Akula wrote:These days, if you offered to give a little girl a "magic carpet ride" you would probably wind up getting a stern talking to from Dateline's Chris Hansen instead.

I'm a bad person because I guffawed at this.

Any assertions of "s/he can't love you like I do," are, with few exceptions, resoundingly hyperbolic.

There have never been instances of the sun going 'round the moon, though sometimes snow does come down in June.

No matter how far you and how much you lose, in the end, it does matter very much, but you are a douchebag. Alternately, if you have the sensation of living things crawling under your skin, you should put down the guitar and the notebook of shitty lyrics and please escort yourself to the nearest psychology ward.

Also, in case anyone's interested...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yakko's_World
Last edited by Khonsu on Wed Sep 05, 2007 4:10 am UTC, edited 2 times in total.


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