Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

It's only cool if no one's heard of it.

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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby Bluey » Wed Apr 09, 2008 1:15 am UTC

- The sun is not a lightbulb.

- We don't specifically need doomsday Jesus now.
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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby Delalyra » Wed Apr 09, 2008 4:08 pm UTC

I say you can't go home, that's who.
you may remember me from 2008 or 2009. I left for a while. I'm now sporadically back. I tumble here.

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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby Philwelch » Wed Apr 16, 2008 2:27 pm UTC

Aside from having to drive at impractical and unsafe speeds to "drive a million miles to be with you tonight", it is not even technically feasible.

If your son is wayward, carrying on is the last thing you should advise him to do.

If the landlord is demanding my rent payment and a burglar stole my bed, I should worry a little bit. Happiness is completely out of the question.

It is unsafe, unprudent, and probably not physiologically possible to sleep now in the fire.

If you were president, you would not be elected on Friday, since US law sets Election Day on a Tuesday. And if you were assassinated on Saturday, you wouldn't be president at all, since you don't actually become president for a few months after election day. Finally, state funerals are elaborate events, and it would be highly unlikely that one would be arranged in time for you to be buried on Sunday.

Even assuming the existence of Jesus, almost no one believes he is currently within the physical world at all: he does not "walk", as that would require a physical body within the material world. And guess what: you talked about God, and your record did get played after all.
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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby neelakantankk » Wed Apr 16, 2008 7:49 pm UTC

Cannibals do exist. Just because you haven't seen them doesn't mean they don't exist.
Mary had a little sheep, little sheep, little sheep.
With the sheep, she went to sleep, went to sleep, went to sleep.
But the sheep turned out to be a ram,
Mary had a little lamb.

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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby JoyDivision » Wed Apr 16, 2008 7:57 pm UTC

Cannibals do exist. Just because you haven't seen them doesn't mean they don't exist.


There is no silicon chip inside her head and in fact you do need a valid reason to die.
Last edited by JoyDivision on Wed Apr 16, 2008 8:07 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
I have my fair share of the qualities of character necessary in political life. I can lie and dissemble with the best, slip out from under long before the blow fell, talk, toady and turn tail as fast as a Yankee fakir selling patent pills.

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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby JoyDivision » Wed Apr 16, 2008 8:05 pm UTC

And although there may be painless forms of suicide some probably hurt quite a bit.
I have my fair share of the qualities of character necessary in political life. I can lie and dissemble with the best, slip out from under long before the blow fell, talk, toady and turn tail as fast as a Yankee fakir selling patent pills.

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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby neelakantankk » Wed Apr 16, 2008 8:13 pm UTC

mathmagic wrote:I don't care if you didn't shoot the deputy. You're still going to jail for murder.


He could plead Manslaughter, although "Reflexes got the better of me" is probably not a good enough reason.
Mary had a little sheep, little sheep, little sheep.
With the sheep, she went to sleep, went to sleep, went to sleep.
But the sheep turned out to be a ram,
Mary had a little lamb.

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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby Dr. Canadian Ninja » Thu Apr 17, 2008 7:16 am UTC

Your heart cannot think. Therefore, it does not know you better than your brain. Similarly, horses cannot talk, and if they could, they're likely to know that they cannot enter into a legally binding contract such as marriage.

Seriously, drugs aren't the answer.
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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby annals » Thu Apr 17, 2008 10:38 pm UTC

School may be out for the summer, but it's not out forever and you know it. It's starting up again right after Labor Day and you're going whether you like it or not.

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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby Jessica » Thu Apr 17, 2008 11:00 pm UTC

Drugs may in fact be neat or good, but if you do them, people won't necessarily think that you're cool.
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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby Philwelch » Fri Apr 18, 2008 3:58 am UTC

neelakantankk wrote:
mathmagic wrote:I don't care if you didn't shoot the deputy. You're still going to jail for murder.


He could plead Manslaughter, although "Reflexes got the better of me" is probably not a good enough reason.


But he swears it was in self defense. All of a sudden he saw Sheriff John Brown aiming to shoot him down!
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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby neelakantankk » Fri Apr 18, 2008 9:18 am UTC

Philwelch wrote:But he swears it was in self defense. All of a sudden he saw Sheriff John Brown aiming to shoot him down!


Does he have proof?

If hard rains are gonna fall, then carry an umbrella or wear a raincoat.
Mary had a little sheep, little sheep, little sheep.
With the sheep, she went to sleep, went to sleep, went to sleep.
But the sheep turned out to be a ram,
Mary had a little lamb.

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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby PatrickRsGhost » Fri Apr 18, 2008 12:29 pm UTC

Speaking of rain, it is neither purple, black, nor red. If it was any of those, it would not be a good idea to stand in it or laugh in it. It does not come in a box either. You cannot see fire and rain at the same time. Rain usually extinguishes fire. Yes, I have seen the rain. If men were to rain from the sky, they wouldn't survive the fall long enough to fall in love with you.
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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby swagar » Fri Apr 18, 2008 1:37 pm UTC

If you've a date in Constantinople, and they're waiting in Istanbul, they're dead by now.

You don't know who my girlfriend is. Who are you to tell me I need a new one?

I don't see how sailing a sea made entirely of cheese would stop some trendy new atrocity from bringing me to my knees. Not that I wouldn't want to go on that delicious voyage anyway.

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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby swagar » Fri Apr 18, 2008 1:45 pm UTC

For that matter, the fact that one loves to sail the sea does not necessarily make them a pirate.

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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby SecondTalon » Fri Apr 18, 2008 8:37 pm UTC

If everything falls apart and your head keeps unravelling and "picking up the pieces" isn't as much fun... well, for starters, you really need to go in to rehab. Also, you should really stop trying to sing to inanimate chemical objects. They cannot respond.

Unless that was all an elaborate metaphor for a person, in which case you should know that while people are made up of chemical compounds, they are in no way, shape, or form ingestible as medication; colloquially "drugs"; and are most certainly not perfect.
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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby espire » Fri Apr 18, 2008 9:14 pm UTC

If Cowtown were under the sea, then the cow would not live in Cowtown. It would drown in Cowtown.

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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby Sir_Elderberry » Fri Apr 18, 2008 11:22 pm UTC

PatrickRsGhost wrote:Speaking of rain, it is neither purple, black, nor red. If it was any of those, it would not be a good idea to stand in it or laugh in it. It does not come in a box either. You cannot see fire and rain at the same time. Rain usually extinguishes fire. Yes, I have seen the rain. If men were to rain from the sky, they wouldn't survive the fall long enough to fall in love with you.


It is also usually bland, tasteless, like water, although that can vary with air conditions. It is unlikely to be chocolate.
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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby Meowgan » Sat Apr 19, 2008 1:47 pm UTC

The Japanese do in fact have a space program.

There are lady transformers.
<L> dude. she made a motherfucking stargate.
<L> you need to keep this girl. do whatever it takes.

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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby neelakantankk » Sat Apr 19, 2008 7:08 pm UTC

Eating the rich will not make you rich. You will, in fact, be charged with cannibalism. I have no idea what the punishment for that is, but I assume it's pretty severe.
Mary had a little sheep, little sheep, little sheep.
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But the sheep turned out to be a ram,
Mary had a little lamb.

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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby 1337geek » Sun Apr 20, 2008 3:42 am UTC

annals wrote:School may be out for the summer, but it's not out forever and you know it. It's starting up again right after Labor Day and you're going whether you like it or not.

Reminds me of this commercial.
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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby tday93 » Mon Apr 21, 2008 2:57 am UTC

Pavlov's dogs weren't chewin on the legs they never trust.


They wanted dinner at some point.
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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby TheMagicalTurtle » Mon Apr 21, 2008 3:52 am UTC

I'm not sure if you realize, but "friend", in fact, has six letters, no matter who is speaking to whom.

I don't think I can believe that you actually simply got caught up in the heat of the moment and had no previous thoughts of such actions, nor do I believe that you were paying any attention to my heart.

Living a life where you spend all night rocking and rolling and all day partying is not conducive to life. It's simply not biologically possible to carry on as such.

Much to the chagrin of Sir Mix Alot, fat bottomed girls have nothing at all to do with the spin of the Earth.

Even assuming that a deaf and blind child could learn to play pinball using only the vibrations of the machine itself, and setting aside the idea that the pinball machine's actions actually release a discernible smell for him to react to, it would take him some time to learn the workings of a new machine.

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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby Delalyra » Mon Apr 21, 2008 3:29 pm UTC

TheMagicalTurtle wrote:Even assuming that a deaf and blind child could learn to play pinball using only the vibrations of the machine itself, and setting aside the idea that the pinball machine's actions actually release a discernible smell for him to react to, it would take him some time to learn the workings of a new machine.

actually, my personal theory with that song is that the kid used to be able to see and hear before his tragic accident....and afterwards, he just kept playing and kept winning because he already knew the machines.

Bark on topic: As a matter of fact, the way you want something is not necessarily the way you need it. I mean, I may want the spicy bacon cheeseburger, extra cheese, extra bacon, extra spicy, but as I'm lactose intolerant, on a diet, and prone to heartburn, I certainly do not need it that way.
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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby Balalaika Gap » Mon Apr 21, 2008 10:01 pm UTC

Love is an abstract concept and therefore does not have any discernible odor. Sex can be kind of smelly though; I'll give you that.

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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby TheMagicalTurtle » Mon Apr 21, 2008 10:19 pm UTC

Delalyra wrote:
TheMagicalTurtle wrote:Even assuming that a deaf and blind child could learn to play pinball using only the vibrations of the machine itself, and setting aside the idea that the pinball machine's actions actually release a discernible smell for him to react to, it would take him some time to learn the workings of a new machine.

actually, my personal theory with that song is that the kid used to be able to see and hear before his tragic accident....and afterwards, he just kept playing and kept winning because he already knew the machines.
If this were the case, then I ask what kind of accident could cause such a loss while not putting him into a state not fit for such play, and, on another note, why is it so important that this child is also dum? I understand it's a serious handicap, but I don't see (no pun intended) where it would impair him from playing pinball.

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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby 1337geek » Tue Apr 22, 2008 3:03 am UTC

TheMagicalTurtle wrote:
Delalyra wrote:
TheMagicalTurtle wrote:Even assuming that a deaf and blind child could learn to play pinball using only the vibrations of the machine itself, and setting aside the idea that the pinball machine's actions actually release a discernible smell for him to react to, it would take him some time to learn the workings of a new machine.

actually, my personal theory with that song is that the kid used to be able to see and hear before his tragic accident....and afterwards, he just kept playing and kept winning because he already knew the machines.
If this were the case, then I ask what kind of accident could cause such a loss while not putting him into a state not fit for such play, and, on another note, why is it so important that this child is also dum? I understand it's a serious handicap, but I don't see (no pun intended) where it would impair him from playing pinball.

From Wikipedia:
"Pete Townshend once called it 'the most clumsy piece of writing [he'd] ever done.'"
"The song was introduced into Tommy as an afterthought."
"To lighten the load of the rock opera's heavy spiritual overtones, the title character, a 'deaf, dumb, and blind' boy, should also be particularly good at a certain game. Knowing [music critic Nik] Cohn was an avid pinball fan, Townshend suggested that Tommy would play pinball.

Has the song been successfully ruined with knowledge yet? :wink:
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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby curious and questioning » Tue Apr 22, 2008 3:46 am UTC

espire wrote:If Cowtown were under the sea, then the cow would not live in Cowtown. It would drown in Cowtown.
Maybe it's a manatee. Sea cow.
[insert quote here]

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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby Philwelch » Wed Apr 23, 2008 4:44 am UTC

TheMagicalTurtle wrote:Much to the chagrin of Sir Mix Alot, fat bottomed girls have nothing at all to do with the spin of the Earth.


You're thinking of Queen. Sir Mix-A-Lot simply asserts that he likes big butts and he cannot lie, and the other brothers can't deny that when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in their face, they get sprung. I cannot ruin this song with knowledge, because it's undeniably true. Even white boys got to shout.
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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby 1337geek » Wed Apr 23, 2008 5:18 am UTC

Philwelch wrote:
TheMagicalTurtle wrote:Much to the chagrin of Sir Mix Alot, fat bottomed girls have nothing at all to do with the spin of the Earth.

You're thinking of Queen. Sir Mix-A-Lot simply asserts that he likes big butts and he cannot lie, and the other brothers can't deny that when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in their face, they get sprung. I cannot ruin this song with knowledge, because it's undeniably true. Even white boys got to shout.

I would venture to say that he intentionally mixed the two songs together. Like if I said "much to the chagrin of Albert Einstein, they didn't give the cat a radio to listen to while he sat in the radioactive box." You might say "you're thinking of Erwin Schrodinger," but in reality all I did was mesh two famous quotations.


Einstein: 0 cats
Schrodinger: 2 cats
Average: 1 cat in the box
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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby Goatboy » Wed Apr 23, 2008 6:30 pm UTC

espire wrote:If Cowtown were under the sea, then the cow would not live in Cowtown. It would drown in Cowtown.
That...that's weird. I don't spin my copy of Lincoln very often, but I sure was listening to that song when I read this post. Freaking weird. So, um, on that note, purple toupee is not here to stay. That's never been popular. Ever.
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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby michaelandjimi » Tue Apr 29, 2008 11:28 am UTC

Birds cannot fly at the speed of sound. I feel sure that, even if they did, their purpose would not be to 'show me how it all began', but rather to stop before the die in a puff of feathers against a stationary object.

Tigers are not known for their gravity-defying powers. Points if you get this one.
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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby kgirl06 » Wed Apr 30, 2008 10:25 pm UTC

Nighttime does not have the capability of purchasing anything, so it would be impossible to sell your body to it.

You can't measure anything with love, as it isn't any sort of tangible object with which to measure anything, much less a period of time.
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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby zealo » Mon May 05, 2008 4:34 pm UTC

you claim that it is 2 minutes to midnight at the start of the song, and repeat this claim several times all the way through to the end of the song, and the song is 6 minutes long. i'm no mathematician, but i believe your watch is broken.
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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby Strange Alchemy » Mon May 05, 2008 8:29 pm UTC

clayasaurus wrote:no cab would ever drive from philly to bel air. NO CAB.


Objection! I ruin your attempt at song ruining with Knowledge!
There are lyrics they dont have in the theme, that they only played for the pilot episode of Fresh Prince.

"I begged and pleaded with her the other day
But she packed my suitcase and sent me on my way
She gave me a kissin’ and she gave me my ticket
I put my walkman on and said I might aswell kick it

First class, yo this is bad,
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass
Is this what the people of bel-air livin’ like,
Hmm... this might be alright!"

He takes a plane! *Emerges victorious*

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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby aleflamedyud » Mon May 05, 2008 8:47 pm UTC

JoyDivision wrote:
Cannibals do exist. Just because you haven't seen them doesn't mean they don't exist.


There is no silicon chip inside her head and in fact you do need a valid reason to die.

There are in fact other things we want to do than eating your brains.
"With kindness comes naïveté. Courage becomes foolhardiness. And dedication has no reward. If you can't accept any of that, you are not fit to be a graduate student."

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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby zealo » Tue May 06, 2008 12:56 am UTC

if you believe you can fly, if you believe you can touch the sky, if you think about it every night and day, if you want to spread your wings and fly away, if you believe you can soar... why the hell are you singing for a career? your flying demonstrations will earn you enough money to pee on all the little girls you want, i'm sure you'd also be able to set a few world records and win some high level science prizes if you want respect too. quickly, get to the top floor of the tallest building in your area quickly and jump off to make sure you actually can fly.


If the bough breaks and the cradle falls, DCS is going to sue your ass off and take away your kids.
So don't put your cradles on trees.


If I were a rich girl, I'd have all the money in the world to learn the difference between the indicative and subjunctive moods.

her love does cost a thing, you just cant afford it
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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby johnie104 » Fri May 09, 2008 9:11 pm UTC

How can you assure the freedom off all men by breaking some seal? And since your free, why the hell are you continueing trough fire and flames?

It's not physically possible to cut a life in two pieces, even as a last resort.

FYI, I did not want to put on make-up to hide my scars. (10 points to anyone who knows which song this is)

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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby Sir_Elderberry » Sat May 10, 2008 1:04 am UTC

johnie104 wrote:How can you assure the freedom off all men by breaking some seal? And since your free, why the hell are you continueing trough fire and flames?


Here we stand with their blood on our hands
We fought so hard, now can we understand?
I'll break the seal of this curse if I possibly can
For freedom of every man!
(chorus)


It was a curse, not a seal. So it could very well be messing with the entire world, if it was epic enough. And where does he say he's free?
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Re: Let's ruin songs with knowledge!

Postby aleflamedyud » Sat May 10, 2008 2:09 am UTC

If I were a rich girl, I'd have all the money in the world to learn the difference between the indicative and subjunctive moods.

Dear God, I laughed so hard when I realized that a shallow remix of a song from Fiddler on the motherfucking Roof had become a pop hit.

And man, if you were rich you'd still have to work hard at GETTING RID OF THAT HIDEOUS YIDDISH ACCENT.
"With kindness comes naïveté. Courage becomes foolhardiness. And dedication has no reward. If you can't accept any of that, you are not fit to be a graduate student."


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