Hotness of instruments?

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Hotness of instruments?

Postby liza » Sun Nov 04, 2007 2:11 am UTC

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Discuss.
(I hope Ren doesn't mind?)
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Bakemaster » Sun Nov 04, 2007 3:40 am UTC

Maracas should be in "depends who's playing".
Piano is definitely hot.
Where is the drum set?
I must assume that's a double bass in "almost never" because everyone knows celli are sex in wood-and-dead-animal form.
Saxophone deserves more credit than it is given.
All due respect to Ren, oboe is way too high.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby nyeguy » Sun Nov 04, 2007 4:15 am UTC

Saxophone definitely too low, and oboe WAY to high.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby latch.r.ite » Sun Nov 04, 2007 4:40 am UTC

I've never met a hot oboe player... nor have I heard any hot oboe performances.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Flying Betty » Sun Nov 04, 2007 5:03 am UTC

Agreed about the cello part. Change the saxophone to a soprano and then it's correctly placed. Being as the bassoon isn't on there at all I'm going to assume that it's off-the-chart-steaming hot.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby yellie » Sun Nov 04, 2007 7:26 am UTC

Bakemaster wrote:Where is the drum set?


Yeah, drums should go in "HOT". Or at the very least, "really quite sexy".

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Jesse » Sun Nov 04, 2007 8:11 am UTC

Bass is the sexiest instrument ever.

Also I am now a big fan of the oboe, I have been listening to a lot of pieces so it is now considered a pretty hot instrument. Still not as hot as bass though.

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Tisiphone » Sun Nov 04, 2007 9:36 am UTC

Does vocal performance count? If so, it wins hands down for me.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby yelly » Sun Nov 04, 2007 11:57 am UTC

I think it all depends on the gender of the person playing the instrument (or are we only talking about females?). The bass guitar is definitely the sexiest instrument ever.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby tiny » Sun Nov 04, 2007 3:24 pm UTC

A piano makes a person instantly sexy. That's what I think. Celli are quite hot, too.
I can't stand saxophones, the other instruments are... neutral to me.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby bagelfairy » Sun Nov 04, 2007 7:02 pm UTC

saxophones are not sexy imo; they sound too squeaky.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Jesse » Sun Nov 04, 2007 7:27 pm UTC

How can you listen to the beginning of Baker Street and not think saxophones are drop dead gorgeous?

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby liza » Sun Nov 04, 2007 10:58 pm UTC

Saxophones deliver some of THE hottest jazz solos are therefore should be higher. The problem with the sax lies in the fact that the different kinds have different levels of hotness - sopranos outside jazz? Meh. Baritone? Heck yes.

Also, the flute is HOT and you all know it.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby bbctol » Sun Nov 04, 2007 11:08 pm UTC

Um, trombones? Trombones are fuckin' sexy.

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby liza » Sun Nov 04, 2007 11:17 pm UTC

bbctol wrote:Um, trombones? Trombones are fuckin' sexy.

He speaks the truth, people.

Edit: Also, guitars do very little for me. I guess I'm more into the orchestral thing. Plus, guitars are so mainstream; everyone who wants to be cool plays guitar. Now basses...
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby yelly » Sun Nov 04, 2007 11:26 pm UTC

And where is the harmonica? It should be way up there.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby slashalt » Sun Nov 04, 2007 11:38 pm UTC

liza wrote:Also, the flute is HOT and you all know it.


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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby tiny » Mon Nov 05, 2007 12:31 am UTC

liza wrote:Saxophones deliver some of THE hottest jazz solos are therefore should be higher. The problem with the sax lies in the fact that the different kinds have different levels of hotness - sopranos outside jazz? Meh. Baritone? Heck yes.

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Bakemaster » Mon Nov 05, 2007 1:47 am UTC

^FOE'D^
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby The Sleeping Tyrant » Mon Nov 05, 2007 1:51 am UTC

liza wrote:everyone who wants to be cool plays guitar.


Yar. This is true. Which makes it sad for guitar players who actually like the instrument.

On the other hand, 7+ string guitars are just freaking hot.
(Actually, this reminds me of this video on youtube of a guy playing the Mario theme on a 10 string bass. God it was amazing.)

I third the flute hotness.

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Ren » Mon Nov 05, 2007 4:12 am UTC

liza wrote:Image
Discuss.
(I hope Ren doesn't mind?)


*Sigh*
It sounds like I need to explain my picture.
First off, it's a 'cello over on the hot side, and a bass guitar next to it.

The stringed instrument next to "Almost never attractive" is a violin.
The rest *should* be easily identified.

@latch.r.ite: I am an oboe major. Clearly you have never heard it played well. S'fucking orgasmic.

Anyway, I published this comic with a blog, which I will now reproduce here.
Ren's blog wrote:Okay, okay. So the comic was pretty biased. But I *did* think about it for a while, and some of the instruments were granted a higher or lower spot than was my first inclination. So here’s my explanation.

The flute: Oh, lowest of the low. This one is totally and entirely personal bias. I know lots of really cool flutists, but I continue to dislike the sound of their instrument. Oh well?

The tuba: There’s nothing to be said for this one. I like the sound better than the flute, but there is just…nothing sexy about a tuba. Nothing.

The saxophone: I actually like the sound of the sax less than the flute. However, it’s impossible to overlook jazz sax. So.

The trumpet: It’s just not sexy. Sorry! Although, Zach Condon from Beirut gave it a bit of a boost. There *have* been sexy trumpetists.

The violin: I, somewhat guiltily, fall asleep when I go to violin-centric concerts. Except for Owen Pallett/Andrew Bird/Patrick Wolf. If all violining sounded like any of them it would be right up there with the ‘cello.

The trombone: I like the sound, I really do. It’s just that I don’t know many sexy trombonists.

The clarinet: You’d think this would be lower, according to my insanely biased and stupid standards. But it’s so pretty! Totally overrides everything else.

The piano: This one can be sexy or not depending on who’s playing and what they’re playing. This is why it’s in the middle.

The tambourine: Stereotypically sexy, but I just…I’m not a big fan.

The bass guitar: Awesome. I miss my bass so much.

The french horn: My third favourite orchestra sound. I have a tendency to get a stupid grin on my face (only in rehearsals!) when they have great soli/lines.

The oboe: Sound + Awesome + Hard = Sexy

The ‘cello: How is anything sexier than the ‘cello? I can sit and listen to cello concertos for ages, where I’d have fallen asleep near the beginning for a violin. Why? No one knows. Gah. I want to be a cellist in my next life.

The maracas: Okay, okay. You caught me. This whole scale is tongue-in-cheek. Seriously though! What’s sexier than maracas?
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby no-genius » Mon Nov 05, 2007 2:20 pm UTC

Ren wrote: Seriously though! What’s sexier than maracas?


We don't know. We just don't know.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Toeofdoom » Mon Nov 05, 2007 4:20 pm UTC

I think drums so big they need a missile fired at them to sound a note would be really fucking awesome, but thats a bit off topic. I have to agree that standard guitars are kinda meh. They're okay, but no particularly good. Too much has been done with them recently, it'll be cool again once its retro or something.

I'd go for a set of timpanis pretty high, cause they're cool... and they're the closest to the missile-drums...

I do mostly agree with the chart, apart from some instruments I dont know well (oboe >.<), but I think saxophone should be a bit higher... Oh, and in my personal opinion, clarinets are far below anything on this list, due to the clarinet group at my high school. They were bad. They were so hilariously terrible. Like those annoying late night tv shows that want you to text "sexy women etc." for only $6.00 a message and have recordings of the most outrageously bad pieces of acting on tv ever that you can't stop laughing. Laughing is not a sign of things being sexy. Except with those ads theres only one person at a time and in this group there were about 10 of them. Point being, I will never find anything clarinet related sexy at all ever.

I'm sure someone can prove me wrong about a couple of absolutes if they really try, but the point stands.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Flying Betty » Mon Nov 05, 2007 5:57 pm UTC

Ah, Ren's explanation does help clear things up. Do you mind if I keep thinking of the tuba as a baritone? From my experience, tubas may not be terribly sexy but they're at least two orders of magnitude more attractive than a baritone or euphonium.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby ChocloManx » Mon Nov 05, 2007 9:39 pm UTC

I agree on the cello and bass. Sax should be way higher, and flute too.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby bigglesworth » Mon Nov 05, 2007 9:50 pm UTC

tiny wrote:A piano makes a person instantly sexy. That's what I think.


I think you've definitely got something there, but it really depends on the piano. A baby grand... sure, i'd tap them. An upright... less so. imo, of course.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Ren » Tue Nov 06, 2007 4:59 am UTC

ChocloManx wrote:Sax should be way higher, and flute too.

But see, I think classical sax--or any sax besides really good jazz sax--is *terrible*.
And the flute is my least favourite sound, second only to the piccolo. There is *no way* I am going to change their sexiness rating. Just...ew. Sound. Gross. Always sharp. Always speeding up. And always vibrato. Makes me fucking seasick.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Klye » Tue Nov 06, 2007 5:12 am UTC

I sadly note that there isn't a bassoon in the super sexy section. There should at least be a contrabassoon. As any instument that is pitched low enough to make the floor vibrate tops the charts in my book.

Of course, I also may be a wee bit oppinionated on this matter...

Sax should be higher up though.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Dark Ragnarok » Tue Nov 06, 2007 6:16 am UTC

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby no-genius » Tue Nov 06, 2007 10:25 am UTC

bigglesworth wrote:
tiny wrote:A piano makes a person instantly sexy. That's what I think.


I think you've definitely got something there, but it really depends on the piano. A baby grand... sure, i'd tap them. An upright... less so. imo, of course.

cf, cockney music (and examples in classical music of the 'ave a banana cockney intro)
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Ren » Tue Nov 06, 2007 2:16 pm UTC

Klye wrote:I sadly note that there isn't a bassoon in the super sexy section. There should at least be a contrabassoon. As any instument that is pitched low enough to make the floor vibrate tops the charts in my book.


The bassoon is so hot it's off the chart. *wink*
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby no-genius » Tue Nov 06, 2007 2:46 pm UTC

Ren wrote:
Klye wrote:I sadly note that there isn't a bassoon in the super sexy section. There should at least be a contrabassoon. As any instument that is pitched low enough to make the floor vibrate tops the charts in my book.


The bassoon is so hot it's off the chart. *wink*

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby d33p » Tue Nov 06, 2007 2:49 pm UTC

All you violin haters are lunatics.
Stephane Grippelli! Ashley MacIsaac! Koshka!
Sheesh.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Angelene » Tue Nov 06, 2007 2:56 pm UTC

Dirty Three and Rachel's both make beautiful not to mention sexy music with the help of violins.

I do agree with the cello being rather erotic, though. (see Esmerine for case in point)
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Klye » Tue Nov 06, 2007 4:33 pm UTC

Ren wrote:
Klye wrote:I sadly note that there isn't a bassoon in the super sexy section. There should at least be a contrabassoon. As any instument that is pitched low enough to make the floor vibrate tops the charts in my book.


The bassoon is so hot it's off the chart. *wink*


Haha thanks ( :
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby opium4themasses » Tue Nov 06, 2007 6:54 pm UTC

The Oboe is forever marred by Kenny G. You may want to reconsider it's placement and your extreme proboe bias.

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Bakemaster » Tue Nov 06, 2007 7:00 pm UTC

I believe it's a soprano saxophone you're thinking of, there.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Aglet » Tue Nov 06, 2007 9:19 pm UTC

Where is the synth? Nothing, NOTHING is sexier than a synthesizer.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Dark Ragnarok » Wed Nov 07, 2007 1:18 am UTC

Hence Aphex Twin :DDD

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Ren » Wed Nov 07, 2007 1:28 am UTC

opium4themasses wrote:The Oboe is forever marred by Kenny G. You may want to reconsider it's placement and your extreme proboe bias.

Bakes is right, it's a soprano sax.

And you just went into my bad books for that. How could you THINK that? Oboe, the most wonderful of all instruments? And KENNY G? HERESY!
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