Hotness of instruments?

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Aleril » Wed Nov 07, 2007 2:03 am UTC

I want to see the Accordion on there.

Where would THAT go?
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Rodan » Wed Nov 07, 2007 2:49 am UTC

Aleril wrote:I want to see the Accordion on there.

Where would THAT go?

based on Weird Al and what Lucy says, pretty high up.

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Flying Betty » Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:31 am UTC

Ren wrote:
Klye wrote:I sadly note that there isn't a bassoon in the super sexy section. There should at least be a contrabassoon. As any instument that is pitched low enough to make the floor vibrate tops the charts in my book.


The bassoon is so hot it's off the chart. *wink*



Yay, I was right! (and I said it first, too)

Flying Betty wrote:Agreed about the cello part. Change the saxophone to a soprano and then it's correctly placed. Being as the bassoon isn't on there at all I'm going to assume that it's off-the-chart-steaming hot.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Dibley » Thu Nov 08, 2007 12:31 pm UTC

Flying Betty wrote:Ah, Ren's explanation does help clear things up. Do you mind if I keep thinking of the tuba as a baritone? From my experience, tubas may not be terribly sexy but they're at least two orders of magnitude more attractive than a baritone or euphonium.


Fuck you. I used to play one. Well, technically, it was a trombonium, but I always got baritone parts. Thankfully I moved onto bigger and sexier things like violin and cello (neither of which I'm good at). Stringed instruments are the hottest though, with violin/viola being the top (especially when fiddled) with cello at a close second. And then there's bass guitar... Yum...

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby no-genius » Thu Nov 08, 2007 12:40 pm UTC

Ren: do you have oboe on any of your myspace songs?
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Ren » Fri Nov 09, 2007 1:38 pm UTC

Nope, but I have requested a recording of the recital I played last week. So maybe soonish there will be.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby no-genius » Fri Nov 09, 2007 3:22 pm UTC

awe-sum!
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Toeofdoom » Fri Nov 09, 2007 5:24 pm UTC

Aglet wrote:Where is the synth? Nothing, NOTHING is sexier than a synthesizer.


I need to clear up my previous statement with regards to synthesisers. Synthesisers suck balls and are not at all sexy. Ever. They infact hold the secret to being even less sexy than a clarinet, which is to try to synthesise the sound of a clarinet. This may sound a little extreme, and it is getting closer to 5 am, so it kinda is, but this statement applies perfectly to anything I would recognise as a synthesizer.

Okay, so I dont mind the sound particularly, but sexy just no.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Simius » Fri Nov 09, 2007 8:13 pm UTC

yelly wrote:And where is the harmonica? It should be way up there.

Hell yes!


I also have a love for all brass instruments, although the tuba, however awesome, may not really be considered 'hot'. The saxophone (which I believe isn't actually a brass, but nevermind that), trumpet and trombone should be way up though.

I don't see anything particularly attractive about the cello and bass, except for the acoustic bass an old friend of mine had. That was one sexy instrument. Still I think that contrabasses are the hottest string instruments out there.

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby I_Ate_My_Children » Fri Nov 09, 2007 9:40 pm UTC

Pretty accurate hotness rating, provided that the bassoon, rauschpfeife and heckelphones are of the chart (to the right). The flute deserves its place (until I hear a player that doesn't use way too wide vibrato all the time)

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby amylase » Fri Nov 09, 2007 11:27 pm UTC

Considering I play flute more than decently and am thus very familiar with it, I agree that you can get some pretty terrible flute players out there. And piccolo can make me nauseous. I generally avoid it unless we're playing Sousa. Baritones are pretty low on the sexy. Oboe is king of the sexy though. I really wish I could play it. That or bassoon. Yum. I wish my school district were less poor so that we could have more instruments to try out. (We have a bari sax that's something like 30+ years old. It is known as simply The Beast. Go SHS 1979!!)
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby EvanED » Sat Nov 10, 2007 12:43 am UTC

Hmm, maybe I should get back into playing the cello. :)

Or does this chart not apply if the person playing is a guy?

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby liza » Sat Nov 10, 2007 1:50 am UTC

EvanED wrote:Or does this chart not apply if the person playing is a guy?

Considering Ren drew it? (Also, I interpreted the chart as applying to the instrument itself, thus making whoever plays each one irrelevant.)
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Shadic » Sun Nov 11, 2007 9:40 am UTC

bbctol wrote:Um, trombones? Trombones are fuckin' sexy.

Trombones are indeed super sexy. The NAME itself is sexy. :D

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Ren » Sun Nov 11, 2007 12:56 pm UTC

EvanED wrote:Hmm, maybe I should get back into playing the cello. :)

Or does this chart not apply if the person playing is a guy?


Guys who play the 'cello are guaranteed sexy.

For all you brass lovers out there: The chart I drew is influenced by how much I hate brass sounds.
Which is a lot, admittedly. There aren't very many brass players I find attractive, and that's certainly influenced by how much I dislike the sound of a brass band/section.
French Horns are damn hot, though.
Damn hot.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Bakemaster » Sun Nov 11, 2007 3:59 pm UTC

Hate brass sounds what-whaaaat? Is it possible you haven't heard the Canadian Brass? Or a really good chamber group, like a brass quintet, in a setting where they stand around the outside of the room all authentic-like? Brass instruments can be so beautiful.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby no-genius » Sun Nov 11, 2007 4:03 pm UTC

Toeofdoom wrote:
Aglet wrote:Where is the synth? Nothing, NOTHING is sexier than a synthesizer.


I need to clear up my previous statement with regards to synthesisers. Synthesisers suck balls and are not at all sexy.

But.. Bernard Sumner built his own synthesisers? That is secksyness?
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Ren » Sun Nov 11, 2007 10:07 pm UTC

Bakemaster wrote:Hate brass sounds what-whaaaat? Is it possible you haven't heard the Canadian Brass? Or a really good chamber group, like a brass quintet, in a setting where they stand around the outside of the room all authentic-like? Brass instruments can be so beautiful.


Of course I've heard the Canadian Brass...and a number of very excellent brass chamber groups.
I still don't like brass sounds.
Although, that said, I also don't like the sound of the saxophone, or the flute (unless it's playing in its lowest octave), or the violin (most of the time).

Essentially, I'm a tone snob. You all seriously need to ignore me.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby no-genius » Mon Nov 12, 2007 2:37 pm UTC

What? Did someone just post?

... OH DAMN, I think I just double-posted, sorry guys :(
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby a386 » Wed Nov 14, 2007 6:43 am UTC

Ren wrote:
Bakemaster wrote:Hate brass sounds what-whaaaat? Is it possible you haven't heard the Canadian Brass? Or a really good chamber group, like a brass quintet, in a setting where they stand around the outside of the room all authentic-like? Brass instruments can be so beautiful.


Of course I've heard the Canadian Brass...and a number of very excellent brass chamber groups.
I still don't like brass sounds.
Although, that said, I also don't like the sound of the saxophone, or the flute (unless it's playing in its lowest octave), or the violin (most of the time).

Essentially, I'm a tone snob. You all seriously need to ignore me.


listen'a much jazz? miles davis springs to mind, lee morgan .. freddie hubbard. i guess we just have different preferences as far as tone gues. i dunno, im a trumpeter myself: maybe i'm biased. as for the chart i think piano should definitely be up higher. sax .. sax is kind of overdone, but still i think it deserves at least the middle. and where's the banjo, huh? off to the right? yeah it is.

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Bakemaster » Thu Nov 15, 2007 3:34 am UTC

Ren wrote:Essentially, I'm a tone snob who plays oboe and has an awesome hat. You all seriously need to forgive me.

Done!
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Ren » Thu Nov 15, 2007 8:03 pm UTC

I have been absolved by the Bakemaster!

Neat.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby cephalopod9 » Sat Nov 17, 2007 10:18 pm UTC

Maracas?
I'm tying to think of them in a way that does not remind me of grade school music class... or mariachi bands... are mariachi bands sexy nowadays?
Also, violins can be way sexy. The high notes get a little grating, but that hardly begins to overide the over all sexiness of the instrument.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby saxmaniac1987 » Fri Nov 23, 2007 9:26 pm UTC

PS. I'm a sax player and insulted as well by the whole Kenny G/oboe thing. (and Kenny G, wherever you are.... how dare you.) (PS: Ren, you might find it funny that my senior year of high school i was transposing oboe parts to soprano sax since the school didn't have an oboe...)
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby curious and questioning » Sat Nov 24, 2007 3:31 am UTC

Proposed disclaimer: whatever instrument you play, your bias is to say it's hot. ('Cause it is! but there's my own personal bias...)

My opinions: accordion=John Linnell=hot
Trombone is way underrated in the chart (personal bias). Other low brass, ehh... not really.
Sax, in jazz, sexy. Excepting maybe soprano (too high), but I do note that the one person I know well at all who plays soprano sax hates me (and I hate him), so it's not unbiased.
Trumpets are often too screamingly high. If they're balanced with the rest of the band, it's okay, but usually, no.
If it can't play jazz, it isn't hot without a powerful reason otherwise(see: accordion). Jazz solos can automatically make an instrument hot.
Theremins are fascinating, but for me the connotations are inhuman, not "hot."
Synths... really depends what it's doing. And who's playing it.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Slacker Virtuoso » Sat Nov 24, 2007 5:19 am UTC

Fretless electric bass is the sexiest instrument by far.

curious and questioning wrote:Proposed disclaimer: whatever instrument you play, your bias is to say it's hot.


Crap.

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby liza » Sat Nov 24, 2007 9:04 am UTC

saxmaniac1987 wrote:(PS: Ren, you might find it funny that my senior year of high school i was transposing oboe parts to soprano sax since the school didn't have an oboe...)

That's not uncommon. I'm in an eighty-person band (with sixteen flutes :evil: :evil: :evil:) and we have no oboe. We have a bassoon, three bass clarinets, and a contrabass clarinet. No oboe. (Noboe.) :(

curious and questioning wrote:Sax, in jazz, sexy. Excepting maybe soprano (too high), but I do note that the one person I know well at all who plays soprano sax hates me (and I hate him), so it's not unbiased.

Doesn't matter - sopranos ARE too high, and a good friend of mine plays one. Though, it's curved to look like a miniature alto, and it is adorable :)

curious and questioning wrote:Proposed disclaimer: whatever instrument you play, your bias is to say it's hot. ('Cause it is! but there's my own personal bias...)

But it's not my fault my instrument HAPPENS to be incredibly hot. Okay, I've fulfilled my flute-glorying quota today ;)
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Antimatter Spork » Tue Nov 27, 2007 4:20 am UTC

Ren wrote:But see, I think classical sax--or any sax besides really good jazz sax--is *terrible*.

Have you ever heard the sax solo from the first movement of Rachmaninoff's Symphonic Dances? It completely changed my opinion about the Saxophone (especially classical saxophone).

Also, I'm just going to assume that the double bass (acoustic bass, contrabass, whatever you feel like calling it) is over hanging out off the chart with the bassoon. It's like a cello multiplied by bass guitar with added sexy/awesome.

Pretty much all the string instruments are sexy, but the bass and viola get overshadowed by violin and cello way too much. (Bass and Viola > Violin and Cello)
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby no-genius » Tue Nov 27, 2007 5:52 pm UTC

That Rachmaninoff, I bet he used all his fingers :P
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby NightStar » Thu Nov 29, 2007 9:32 am UTC

Everyone hating on the string section (violins, violas, cellos) needs to hear them play some romantic (period) music. No one, string players included, finds baroque orchestral music to be sexy.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Antimatter Spork » Thu Nov 29, 2007 11:35 pm UTC

NightStar wrote:Everyone hating on the string section (violins, violas, cellos) needs to hear them play some romantic (period) music. No one, string players included, finds baroque orchestral music to be sexy.


You've clearly been listening to the wrong Baroque music.

Also, my thoughts on flutes: ordinarily I don't find them attractive at all, but the Chaminade Concertino is absolutely beautiful (and it's got a love story attached, so bonus!)

(strings are still awesomest)
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby jacjac10 » Thu Feb 28, 2008 9:37 am UTC

Ren wrote:
EvanED wrote:Hmm, maybe I should get back into playing the cello. :)

Or does this chart not apply if the person playing is a guy?


Guys who play the 'cello are guaranteed sexy.


Agreed. There's an amusing video on youtube that mentions sexy cellists- pachebel rant. Definately worth a look if you're in the mood.

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby wery67564 » Thu Feb 28, 2008 2:07 pm UTC

tiny wrote:
liza wrote:Saxophones deliver some of THE hottest jazz solos are therefore should be higher. The problem with the sax lies in the fact that the different kinds have different levels of hotness - sopranos outside jazz? Meh. Baritone? Heck yes.

Jazz is evil. Jazz drives me nuts. I can't stand jazz.



You and your jazz saxophone hating friends have obvioulsy seen me give my nude performance of john coltranes a love supreme.

The whole album.

@ren: what? No respect for classic sax? Pictures at an Exhibition. I'm done here...
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby reflectia » Thu Feb 28, 2008 11:36 pm UTC

I find the need to defend the sexiness of the clarinet. Apparently you haven't heard some of the ah-mazing solos that they can pull off. I also must say that grand pianos are sexy, but uprights and squares are not. I think there's no need to argue over the placement of the oboe on the hot scale.

jacjac10 wrote:Agreed. There's an amusing video on youtube that mentions sexy cellists- pachebel rant.
I wouldn't say sexy cellists, but it is worth taking a look at.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Ren » Fri Feb 29, 2008 1:34 am UTC

wery67564 wrote:@ren: what? No respect for classic sax? Pictures at an Exhibition. I'm done here...


On the *occasional* time that that is played in tune and well, it is okay.

Other than that? *twitch*
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby wery67564 » Fri Feb 29, 2008 1:47 pm UTC

Agreed, played out of tune and not naked that song is far inferior.

An out of tune sax player is no fun.."but its my instrument!" well, my sax is 80 years old and I still manage to bend my notes in tune.

Lazy saxophonists.

Sidenote: Clarinets are awesomeness as well.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Koriina » Fri Feb 29, 2008 2:06 pm UTC

The French Horn is either far too high or far too low, depending on who's holding it.

It sounds like a dying frog in the hands of a beginner . . . so you're either sticking your hand up it's butt or putting your mouth on it's butt. Not appealing.


However, when an expert is playing it, it may as well be their girlfriend. Cute raspberries and a mischievous roaming hand . . . quite appealing.


When I play it, it's more like an epic piece of taxidermy.


If you can imagine what that sounds like, ten points.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Hica » Fri Feb 29, 2008 2:20 pm UTC

Wow. I started learning how to play the piano with the idea that it was sexy regardless. I've seen some pretty bad players play and then have their pick of the crowd. Maybe I'll pick up the accordion and hope for the best.

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Koriina » Fri Feb 29, 2008 2:32 pm UTC

Hica wrote:Wow. I started learning how to play the piano with the idea that it was sexy regardless. I've seen some pretty bad players play and then have their pick of the crowd. Maybe I'll pick up the accordion and hope for the best.



I love the way fingers look when people play the piano well . . . It makes almost anyone seem elegant from the wrist down.

Accordions are VERY fun to play. I need to buy one somehow . . . but first I'm getting a harp. They're so expensive . . . aghfdk.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby I Am Raven » Fri Feb 29, 2008 8:59 pm UTC

Dibley wrote:Fuck you. I used to play one. Well, technically, it was a trombonium, but I always got baritone parts. Thankfully I moved onto bigger and sexier things like violin and cello (neither of which I'm good at). Stringed instruments are the hottest though, with violin/viola being the top (especially when fiddled) with cello at a close second. And then there's bass guitar... Yum...


Finally! I thought nobody would be turned on about my violin. I always figured "I've played for 10 years now, and what has it paid of so far? Nothing!" but now, it's more like "I've played for 10 years now, and what has it paid of so far? Someone on the internets think I'm hot! Yay! :D "
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