Hotness of instruments?

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Goatboy » Sat Mar 01, 2008 12:12 am UTC

As far as a member of the opposite sex playing an instrument to make it sexy: Bass guitar, harp can be way hot, Rhodes piano, good drums. Acoustic guitars are played out, but aggressive guitar is pretty cool.

Cello is sexy no matter what. Bari sax is like vibratory sex. Saxophone in pop music was ruined by the 80's. 'Cept when Bowie does it.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby The Coincidence » Sat Mar 01, 2008 12:53 am UTC

As a bass guitar player, my instrument is naturally the sexiest. Hehe. Seriously, though... "Money" is one of the easiest bass lines, ever, and it always turns heads. Instant-win in my book. If that doesn't get 'em, I can always break out "Heart of the Sunrise" or "Schism". :D

Saxophone definitely deserves higher placement. Has nobody listened to Springsteen, Floyd, or Traffic?

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Goatboy » Sat Mar 01, 2008 1:04 am UTC

Or "Cochise" or "April 26 1992" or pretty much anything by the Chili Peppers.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Dream » Sat Mar 01, 2008 2:31 am UTC

The Coincidence wrote:As a bass guitar player, my instrument is naturally the sexiest. Hehe. Seriously, though... "Money" is one of the easiest bass lines, ever, and it always turns heads. Instant-win in my book. If that doesn't get 'em, I can always break out "Heart of the Sunrise" or "Schism". :D

Me too. But I prefer the intro to So What by Miles Davis. Not as easy as Money, but it's on another planet in terms of sheer cool (and sexy). Makes me wish I played upright...

Schism is also great, but not really sexy. I find it too abrasive, and something about the left hand technique isn't at the sexy end of the scale. Those opening chords, however, they are sexy. Sexy.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Midnight » Sat Mar 01, 2008 3:56 am UTC

Jesse wrote:Bass is the sexiest instrument ever.


well um, you win.
edit
Me too. But I prefer the intro to So What by Miles Davis. Not as easy as Money, but it's on another planet in terms of sheer cool (and sexy). Makes me wish I played upright...

whoo! i can do both! not that either is particulary hard to do... still, do i get to be twice as sexy?
uhhhh fuck.

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Antimatter Spork » Sat Mar 01, 2008 10:06 pm UTC

Upright bass is way sexier than bass guitar. True sexiness is only found in instruments that are taller than you are.

Also - So What? played on anything but an upright is just not as cool.

Of course, the sexiest are those who can double (and actually sound good at it)

And I will be very surprised if anyone ever manages to out-sexy the Bach Cello suites (and if you don't agree with me, you've been listening to the wrong versions, or, worse cellists playing them).
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Mercat » Sun Mar 02, 2008 12:26 pm UTC

I think it all depends on who and what kind of music is being played. I have yet to experience "hot" oboe playing, but I think English Horns are damn cool.

Flutes can be awesome but I'm not sure I would qualify them as hot.

But everything else, I'm pretty sure I can think of an example for.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Sandry » Sun Mar 02, 2008 7:02 pm UTC

Antimatter Spork wrote:And I will be very surprised if anyone ever manages to out-sexy the Bach Cello suites (and if you don't agree with me, you've been listening to the wrong versions, or, worse cellists playing them).


Hey, man! Don't diss the cellists. That's bogus.

That said, I've never seen (or heard) a bassist play any of Bach's cello suites (I think largely because I only ever saw one bass recital), and so therefore am intrigued and bemused. Prove your assertion somehow, sporkboy. :P
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Antimatter Spork » Sun Mar 02, 2008 7:19 pm UTC

Sandry wrote:
Antimatter Spork wrote:And I will be very surprised if anyone ever manages to out-sexy the Bach Cello suites (and if you don't agree with me, you've been listening to the wrong versions, or, worse cellists playing them).


Hey, man! Don't diss the cellists. That's bogus.

That said, I've never seen (or heard) a bassist play any of Bach's cello suites (I think largely because I only ever saw one bass recital), and so therefore am intrigued and bemused. Prove your assertion somehow, sporkboy. :P

Listen to Francois Rabbath sometime. I haven't heard his recording of the suites, but he's an amazing player, and I heard him play the first Suite's Sarabande as an encore to a recital he gave at my school. Edgar Meyer has recorded some of the suites (1, 2 and 5), and that's a pretty amazing recording.

My teacher, Nicholas Walker, does an amazing job when he plays the suites, but he hasn't recorded them (though he might in the future).

Nothing against cellists, I think the cello is a wonderful instrument and there is a lot of beautiful music written for it, but most of the cellists I've heard play the Bach suites play them way too fast and don't really look at the phrasing very much (for example, the Rostropovich recording). By contrast, most of the bassists I've heard play them do so a bit slower and with more expression and attention to the phrasing.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Aperfectring » Sun Mar 02, 2008 9:56 pm UTC

I am a very big fan of the Canadian Brass. Unfortunately, no matter how much I love the sound of brass instruments, I generally can't go out and listen to any, because it is WAY too easy to make a trumpet sound bad. I am a prime example of how easy it is.

I generally prefer to play a cornet, but most of the time people can't notice the difference between that and a trumpet.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby tylerwylie » Sun Mar 02, 2008 10:45 pm UTC

Bass guitar, easily. Especially when I'm holding it. 8)
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby wery67564 » Sun Mar 02, 2008 11:09 pm UTC

This thread is enlightening in 2 ways now.

a) I need to buy an oboe

b) When I conducted the band after reading this I found myself rating instrument sexiness, trumpet is way low. Baritone sax is Uber high.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby RedMaggit » Mon Mar 03, 2008 6:50 am UTC

RE: The Hotness of Bass Guitars

Now, I'm the proud owner of an absolutely killer Ibanez SRX series Bass guitar.

And, I have to say, it's the hottest instrument alive.

I had this debate with a friend of mine, an avid classical guitarist.

He's of the opinion that Classical Guitar is better than Bass in terms of sexy.

He reasons that, well, you just can't serenade a girl with a Bass guitar.

That's the thing. If you play Bass, you just don't have to.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Ren » Mon Mar 03, 2008 12:15 pm UTC

wery67564 wrote:This thread is enlightening in 2 ways now.

a) I need to buy an oboe

b) When I conducted the band after reading this I found myself rating instrument sexiness, trumpet is way low. Baritone sax is Uber high.

Rent one and take some lessons *first*.

It will not be sexy unless you can play it well. Guaranteed. Oboe played poorly is like...anti-sex.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Antimatter Spork » Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:07 am UTC

Ren wrote:Oboe played poorly is like...anti-sex.

This is true. (This is true for almost any instrument, but especially for oboe.)

Re: Bass guitar:
Upright bass > bass guitar >= normal guitar
(and if your friend claims that you can't serenade someone with a bass, they're doing it wrong).
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Mercat » Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:30 am UTC

wery67564 wrote:b) When I conducted the band after reading this I found myself rating instrument sexiness, trumpet is way low.


I think it all depends on who's playing it. I'm completely biased, I have lots of experience with trumpeters, being one myself.

Egotistical players? --> gross.

Quiet but good? --> awesome.

also if you march drum corps it's like +10 hotness points ;D
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby une see » Tue Mar 04, 2008 2:46 am UTC

I have to say that I think piano is super duper sexy, if only because I play it.

Sexy:
piano
brass instruments (tuba, trumpet, etc.)
cello/bass (I guess violin/viola too)
electric guitar/bass guitar
organ
drums (timpani, tom-tom, etc. -definitely conga)
tambourine (if only because I always imagine gypsies with tambourines, and gypsies are way hot)
zither

Not sexy:
woodwind instruments
accordion
maracas
castanets

Okay, there's probably more that I missed, but I don't feel like thinking about it anymore. So there is my (totally complete and comprehensive) list of sexy and non-sexy musical instruments! Enjoy.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Antimatter Spork » Tue Mar 04, 2008 4:34 am UTC

une see wrote:Not sexy:
woodwind instruments
accordion

I think that Chaminade and Al Yankovich, respectively, beg to differ on that point.

(Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me asks all the musicians that come on what the sexiest instrument is. The answers are generally predictable.)
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby wery67564 » Tue Mar 04, 2008 12:51 pm UTC

By "me" buying, I really mean that being in charge of thousand 4,000+ dollars a quarter for woodwind purchases and repairs, I will get one for the band room, and spend my spare time learning oboe. I'm already working on flute and clarinet but more means better!
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Little Richie » Wed Mar 05, 2008 1:40 am UTC

A tuba, it sits between your legs and vibrates. Only hot when girls play it tho...
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby SPsnow02 » Wed Mar 05, 2008 1:45 am UTC

Well, What about us people that can play Clarinet, Alto Sax, Soprano Sax, Tenor Sax, Oboe, and Bass clarinet ^^
Does sexiness add up? xD
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Antimatter Spork » Wed Mar 05, 2008 4:54 am UTC

Little Richie wrote:A tuba, it sits between your legs and vibrates. Only hot when girls play it tho...

If you want to talk about sitting between your legs and vibrating, I'm afraid bass and cello have got you beat there.

Besides. Brass players have to empty water/spit/condensation/whatever from their instruments all the time. That = not sexy.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby LikwidCirkel » Wed Mar 05, 2008 5:07 pm UTC

For me?

Definitely a laptop and a mixing board, and some damn smooth sexy beats.

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby tylerwylie » Wed Mar 05, 2008 5:38 pm UTC

It has to be bass guitar, as proof I submit exhibit A.

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Teh Russians » Wed Mar 05, 2008 5:45 pm UTC

WHAT!!?? no hurdy gurdy!!?? Hurdy gurdies are teh sechs.

I would have to agree with the cello being uber sexy if only just because the girl I had a crush on at my old high school played it.

Also, violins can be sexy. Like in a good metal band with an awesome female electric violinist.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Aleril » Wed Mar 05, 2008 7:17 pm UTC

This graph needs more cowbell.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Nebulae » Wed Mar 05, 2008 11:24 pm UTC

Ren wrote:
ChocloManx wrote:Sax should be way higher, and flute too.

But see, I think classical sax--or any sax besides really good jazz sax--is *terrible*.
And the flute is my least favourite sound, second only to the piccolo. There is *no way* I am going to change their sexiness rating. Just...ew. Sound. Gross. Always sharp. Always speeding up. And always vibrato. Makes me fucking seasick.

Don't bring your ensemble(and orchestral) biases into this!

Hmm, a few things to note. Female pianists are hot, male pianists less so (generally). Violas sound evil. Percussion is so broad you can't really rate it as a whole. (Triangle, reaaally?). BUT a good timpanist, xylophonist, or glockenspieler can be very sexy. Standalone percussion acts just make you realize this fact. Oh, and then there are Taikonauts =).

Also, I approve of all this cello loving :twisted: :twisted: Cellos of EITHER gender are incredibly sexy 8) . /bias

Nothing against cellists, I think the cello is a wonderful instrument and there is a lot of beautiful music written for it, but most of the cellists I've heard play the Bach suites play them way too fast and don't really look at the phrasing very much (for example, the Rostropovich recording). By contrast, most of the bassists I've heard play them do so a bit slower and with more expression and attention to the phrasing.


This is just blasphemy!

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Antimatter Spork » Thu Mar 06, 2008 11:00 pm UTC

Nebulae wrote: Violas sound evil.

Your opinions clearly cannot be trusted.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Nebulae » Thu Mar 06, 2008 11:29 pm UTC

I've heard this from violists themselves! (They enjoy being evil)

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Jessica » Thu Mar 06, 2008 11:43 pm UTC

Trombones and drums are awesome. But that's because I play them.

I miss my drums... I need to find a reason to trombone again.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Antimatter Spork » Fri Mar 07, 2008 12:07 am UTC

Nebulae wrote:I've heard this from violists themselves! (They enjoy being evil)

Still, I've heard some damn sexy viola playing. Just hearing the Shostakovitch sonata makes me want to do things with violists which shouldn't be mentioned on a family-friendly forum like this one.*

Gharbad wrote:I need to find a reason to trombone again.

Who needs a reason?


*This is pretty odd, since the Shostakovitch Viola Sonata is about death.

EDIT for the right Russian composer who's name starts with an "S".
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Nebulae » Fri Mar 07, 2008 3:49 am UTC

Antimatter Spork wrote:
Nebulae wrote:I've heard this from violists themselves! (They enjoy being evil)

Still, I've heard some damn sexy viola playing. Just hearing the Shostakovitch sonata makes me want to do things with violists which shouldn't be mentioned on a family-friendly forum like this one.*

You could always start a necrophilia thread....oh wait.

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Antimatter Spork » Fri Mar 07, 2008 4:08 am UTC

Nebulae wrote:
Antimatter Spork wrote:
Nebulae wrote:I've heard this from violists themselves! (They enjoy being evil)

Still, I've heard some damn sexy viola playing. Just hearing the Shostakovitch sonata makes me want to do things with violists which shouldn't be mentioned on a family-friendly forum like this one.*

You could always start a necrophilia thread....oh wait.

Hasn't someone already done that? I've lost track of general's sex-threads.

Besides, it's not Shostakovitch that I find sexy, it's the people who play his music.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby rut774 » Fri Mar 07, 2008 4:13 am UTC

For all you brass haters out there, you need to watch a Division I Drum Corps. Then you will know that bugles in G (except mellophones) ooze sexiness. It's one thing to have something vibrate between your legs whole you play it. It's another to feel the vibrations on the second deck of an NFL stadium when you're watching them.

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Peregrin » Fri Mar 07, 2008 5:38 am UTC

Ren wrote:And the flute is my least favourite sound, second only to the piccolo. There is *no way* I am going to change their sexiness rating. Just...ew. Sound. Gross. Always sharp. Always speeding up. And always vibrato. Makes me fucking seasick.

Well, if we've never heard oboe played well, clearly you've never heard flute played well. I will say this though: both are good, but only in moderation.

And piano needs to be higher than it is. Before rock bands, pianists were the ones who scored all the chicks. Just look at Liszt. And ladies, you know you can't resist a well-played Rachmaninoff piano concerto. No mortal can.

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby ChocloManx » Fri Mar 07, 2008 7:34 pm UTC

Classical guitar is at least very close to the cello in terms of sexyness, okay.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Antimatter Spork » Fri Mar 07, 2008 10:42 pm UTC

Peregrin wrote:Well, if we've never heard oboe played well, clearly you've never heard flute played well. I will say this though: both are good, but only in moderation.

Well, good flute is damn hard to find. I've never been able to find a recording of the Chaminade without ugly vibrato on the first note. Come on, people, how about a little variety of interpretation here?

rut774: Nothing has ever been sexy in an NFL stadium. Ever. (Well-played brass, especially Euphonium, can be pretty sexy, though).
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Jeanius » Fri Mar 07, 2008 10:52 pm UTC

Perhaps most wouldn't consider them instruments, but turntables send me off the roof as it goes for the downbeat, trip hop genres.
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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby SkaBassist » Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:09 pm UTC

The Coincidence wrote:Saxophone definitely deserves higher placement. Has nobody listened to Springsteen, Floyd, or Traffic?


Seriously, sax could be the most terrible instrument ever, and Clarance Clemons of the E. Street Band could make it awesome.
Then again, I'm just a ska kid :)
Yeah, as a Bassoon/Contrabassoon/Bass/Timpani/Bari sax player, I'm assuming any really low instruments not pictured are way off to the right.

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Re: Hotness of instruments?

Postby Antimatter Spork » Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:16 pm UTC

SkaBassist wrote:
The Coincidence wrote:Saxophone definitely deserves higher placement. Has nobody listened to Springsteen, Floyd, or Traffic?


Seriously, sax could be the most terrible instrument ever, and Clarance Clemons of the E. Street Band could make it awesome.
Then again, I'm just a ska kid :)
Yeah, as a Bassoon/Contrabassoon/Bass/Timpani/Bari sax player, I'm assuming any really low instruments not pictured are way off to the right.

Of course they are.
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