Poorly engineered foods

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Postby zenten » Tue Sep 18, 2007 1:42 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:.. sure there is. On ribs at least.

Grasp the edges of the bone lightly using only the tips of your index, middle fingers and thumb with both hands, and when you go in to tear off a chunk, pull the corners of your mouth back as far as possible. Always start on one end.. doesn't matter if it's left or right.. I personally prefer starting on the left myself..

Anyway, the mess is minimal. I'm not going to say noexistant, but minimal.


How do you actually separate the ribs though?
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Postby Pesto » Tue Sep 18, 2007 1:47 pm UTC

Okay, here's my next one.

Taco pizza.

Basically, it's pizza with some taco-ish toppings and crumbled Doritos on top. The problem is that the Doritos never stay on top of the slice of pizza.

Make the pizza a square, and while it's still warm, roll it up and cut it into slices, kind of like a wrap. Everything stays nicely contained.
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Postby Pesto » Tue Sep 18, 2007 1:47 pm UTC

zenten wrote:How do you actually separate the ribs though?

With a knife, or by pulling them apart.
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Postby SecondTalon » Tue Sep 18, 2007 1:49 pm UTC

Brute force, really.

Assuming they're properly cooked, all you have to do is grasp the bone of the last rib in line, and the one right before that, and tear..

Like... this explanation is probably going to suck, but..

The ribs are lying on the plate, so you grasp the two bones on one end on the same side...

Code: Select all

 |  |  |
*********
*********
 |  |  |
    ^  ^
     Grab here!

using those bones, you lift the very last one so that it shears off the rest of it, while keeping the other bone still...

Code: Select all

 |  |  |
*********
*********
 |  |  |
    ^  ^
    ^   Tear here!
     Hold this one still!
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Postby dubsola » Tue Sep 18, 2007 1:49 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:Grasp the edges of the bone lightly using only the tips of your index, middle fingers and thumb with both hands, and when you go in to tear off a chunk, pull the corners of your mouth back as far as possible. Always start on one end.. doesn't matter if it's left or right.. I personally prefer starting on the left myself..

SecondTalon's title, should he ever get one, must absolutely involve ribs and/or barbeque.

And FWIW - some mess is acceptable for gluttinous food like barbeque and ribs, pastrami sandwiches, and tacos.

Ooh, just thought of a good joke about eating tacos and getting stuff all over your face...
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Postby zenten » Tue Sep 18, 2007 2:01 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:Brute force, really.

Assuming they're properly cooked, all you have to do is grasp the bone of the last rib in line, and the one right before that, and tear..

Like... this explanation is probably going to suck, but..

The ribs are lying on the plate, so you grasp the two bones on one end on the same side...

Code: Select all

 |  |  |
*********
*********
 |  |  |
    ^  ^
     Grab here!

using those bones, you lift the very last one so that it shears off the rest of it, while keeping the other bone still...

Code: Select all

 |  |  |
*********
*********
 |  |  |
    ^  ^
    ^   Tear here!
     Hold this one still!


See, that's the part where I get messy, since there usually isn't enough bone to actually grip at all. It's tender, but being tender enough to make that easy for me would also result in the meat just falling off the bone.
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Postby gnomes » Tue Sep 18, 2007 2:03 pm UTC

KicktheCAN wrote:To clarify, I meant sandwiches like this:
Image


Now add lettace, tomato and honey mustard sauce and that thing won't stay on a pre-made bun designed to be shipped from coast to coast.
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Postby SecondTalon » Tue Sep 18, 2007 2:09 pm UTC

zenten wrote:See, that's the part where I get messy, since there usually isn't enough bone to actually grip at all. It's tender, but being tender enough to make that easy for me would also result in the meat just falling off the bone.


..... it should, really.

I mean, if you're getting shitty ribs from, like, O'Charleys or something then yeah, they're not going to be able to be torn apart with zero effort.. but good ribs can be torn apart by a slight breeze. That's part of it.
Last edited by SecondTalon on Tue Sep 18, 2007 2:11 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby mellow_geek » Tue Sep 18, 2007 2:10 pm UTC

I'm one of those weird people who doesn't mind eating ribs or wings with a fork and knife...
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Postby zenten » Tue Sep 18, 2007 2:19 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:
zenten wrote:See, that's the part where I get messy, since there usually isn't enough bone to actually grip at all. It's tender, but being tender enough to make that easy for me would also result in the meat just falling off the bone.


..... it should, really.

I mean, if you're getting shitty ribs from, like, O'Charleys or something then yeah, they're not going to be able to be torn apart with zero effort.. but good ribs can be torn apart by a slight breeze. That's part of it.


Oh.

You know, living in Ontario sucks sometimes. I thought I was describing really good ribs, since I don't have to strain myself (ie, must first make an incision, and then pull apart using the force of my arms) to get them separated from where I'm thinking of. We also have no Mexican food that isn't complete crap.
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Postby SecondTalon » Tue Sep 18, 2007 2:24 pm UTC

..yeah, I've torn some ribs apart using a finger.. as in, I nudge one bone on the end, the weight of the rest of it keeps the rest of it from moving along...

Get thee to the South US, find a place that looks like it's about to collapse with a name spraypainted on it, usually something like "RAYS BBQ", and get some ribs there.

You'll either have the best ribs you've ever eaten, or have the best ribs you've ever eaten and then die later of food poisoning. I figure it's about an 80/20 chance.
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Postby Phenriz » Tue Sep 18, 2007 2:25 pm UTC

Will wrote:@Phenriz: I have a gigantic mouth and I have issues eating nigirizushi in one bite. I generally take two, as I've become proficient enough with chopsticks to bite the thing in half without it falling apart or dropping it. Makizushi (rolls) on the other hand are really a function of how they're prepared. Some places in America have a tendency to make them way too big.


hrmm, then i just have an overly sized mouth. Or i'm just stubborn and refuse to take more than one bite.

I don't care if i look like a chipmunk!
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Postby zenten » Tue Sep 18, 2007 2:30 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:..yeah, I've torn some ribs apart using a finger.. as in, I nudge one bone on the end, the weight of the rest of it keeps the rest of it from moving along...

Get thee to the South US, find a place that looks like it's about to collapse with a name spraypainted on it, usually something like "RAYS BBQ", and get some ribs there.

You'll either have the best ribs you've ever eaten, or have the best ribs you've ever eaten and then die later of food poisoning. I figure it's about an 80/20 chance.


I know *sigh*

On the other hand I live in a great city for Pho. So it all sort of works out I guess.
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Postby SecondTalon » Tue Sep 18, 2007 2:31 pm UTC

And I have no idea what Pho is.

What it is?

.. I mean.. What is it?
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Postby zenten » Tue Sep 18, 2007 2:36 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:And I have no idea what Pho is.

What it is?

.. I mean.. What is it?


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pho
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Postby dubsola » Tue Sep 18, 2007 2:39 pm UTC

Pho (pronounced 'fuh') is Vietnamese deliciousness, in soup form. Broth, noodles, thin strips of meat, and garnished with various herbs like coriander and mint, as well as bean sprouts, chilli and various other whatnot depending on the restaurant. Sometimes they're nice enough to give you the herbs and other stuff separately so you can make it as tasty as you want.

EDIT: dammit. Well, at least I saved some people a click.
Last edited by dubsola on Wed Sep 19, 2007 4:11 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Phenriz » Tue Sep 18, 2007 2:42 pm UTC

sri racha and hoisin sauce please
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Postby mellow_geek » Tue Sep 18, 2007 2:42 pm UTC

When I lived in Georgia, I loved going to Saigon Cafe for pho with a friend of mine. Too many times, I think we "augmented" the flavor a bit too much with the chili peppers and hot sauces, seeing who could make their soup the hottest. Pho is awesome.
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Postby zenten » Tue Sep 18, 2007 2:44 pm UTC

mellow_geek wrote:When I lived in Georgia, I loved going to Saigon Cafe for pho with a friend of mine. Too many times, I think we "augmented" the flavor a bit too much with the chili peppers and hot sauces, seeing who could make their soup the hottest. Pho is awesome.


Yeah, I still get caught with the fact that the hot sauce ends up sinking to the bottom a bit, so if its a good level at the beginning, it will kill you at the end.
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Postby d0rk » Tue Sep 18, 2007 3:12 pm UTC

Ribs should be tough to eat! I love having to use brute force to tear them apart (I use ST's solution, only pulling left and right, instead of up and down). I really don't like meat that falls apart when you look at it too hard, so I might be prejudiced..
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Postby Okita » Tue Sep 18, 2007 3:14 pm UTC

Am I the only one who sometimes pretends he's a surgeon while eating ribs, effectively trying to cut everything nicely?
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Postby Clerria » Tue Sep 18, 2007 3:52 pm UTC

I pretend I'm a raptor.

But no. I really like ribs, but I've always had a huge aversion to getting my hands dirty. Even as a kid it was difficult for me : P

I have to take a deep breath and reconcile myself to the fact that my hands are going to be covered in goo and meat for the next 30 minutes or so, and then I'm fine.

Same for hotwings.
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Postby gnomes » Tue Sep 18, 2007 3:58 pm UTC

I'm the same way, actually. When I know i have to suck it up for a messy, yet tastey food, it doesn't bother me, but if I can avoid it, I try to.
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Postby Rat » Tue Sep 18, 2007 4:00 pm UTC

that peanutbutter/jelly combination jar

sounds like an ace idea and all but...

whatever they do to the jelly happens to the peanutbutter and it's rancid


oh yeah i did get this mexican pizza at some place once... it was basically impossible to eat.. and who uses a fork on pizza? i just reached in and grabbed handfuls and ate it... TOPPINGS STACKED TEN STORIES HIGH
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Postby SecondTalon » Tue Sep 18, 2007 4:05 pm UTC

Wings.. yeah, either you're getting messy as hell, or you pop the whole thing in your mouth and spit out the bones a few moments later.

Neither option makes them good date food.
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Postby gnomes » Tue Sep 18, 2007 4:08 pm UTC

boneless
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Postby dubsola » Tue Sep 18, 2007 4:15 pm UTC

Oh yeah... I forgot how some people might want to leave a good impression. Date food, hmm. Personally, I think a girl with a belly full of meat and sauce all over her face is hot. *

* Who's going to make the crude joke, I wonder?
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Postby mellow_geek » Tue Sep 18, 2007 4:15 pm UTC

You know, eating boneless wings never really gave me the same sort of satisfaction as the traditional type. Just not as enjoyable, for some reason.

Btw, if anyone likes really hot wings and you're in Georgia, check out TacoMac. I miss the Three Mile Island wings. Good wings + good beer.
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Postby mellow_geek » Tue Sep 18, 2007 4:16 pm UTC

dubsola wrote:Oh yeah... I forgot how some people might want to leave a good impression. Date food, hmm. Personally, I think a girl with a belly full of meat and sauce all over her face is hot. *

* Who's going to make the crude joke, I wonder?


Giggity.
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Postby Rat » Tue Sep 18, 2007 5:42 pm UTC

mellow_geek wrote:You know, eating boneless wings never really gave me the same sort of satisfaction as the traditional type. Just not as enjoyable, for some reason.

Btw, if anyone likes really hot wings and you're in Georgia, check out TacoMac. I miss the Three Mile Island wings. Good wings + good beer.


i hear you!, bonless wings are just nuggets.. the texture is all off... wings need that fresh-off-the-bone tenderness
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Postby Grlmm » Tue Sep 18, 2007 5:45 pm UTC

mellow_geek wrote:
dubsola wrote:Oh yeah... I forgot how some people might want to leave a good impression. Date food, hmm. Personally, I think a girl with a belly full of meat and sauce all over her face is hot. *

* Who's going to make the crude joke, I wonder?


Giggity.

You do realize that you could not have pulled that off any smoother than you did, right?
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Postby d0rk » Tue Sep 18, 2007 6:59 pm UTC

boneless wings are really not my kind of thing.. thats engineering gone wrong imho
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Postby Alisto » Tue Sep 18, 2007 7:07 pm UTC

dubsola wrote:Pho (pronounced 'fur')


No, it's not.
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Postby d0rk » Tue Sep 18, 2007 8:03 pm UTC

depends on how you pronounce 'fur'
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Postby Pesto » Tue Sep 18, 2007 8:33 pm UTC

/fœ/
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Postby bigglesworth » Tue Sep 18, 2007 8:49 pm UTC

zenten wrote:Pizza (ie, North American pizza, not the Mediterranean custom of putting stuff on a pita) is eaten with the hands. Just like you eat a sandwich with the hands.


I think that's the result of another engineering solution: the deep pan.

(bleagh)

I hate over-cooked pizza.
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Postby Will » Tue Sep 18, 2007 8:57 pm UTC

Clerria wrote:I really like ribs, but I've always had a huge aversion to getting my hands dirty. Even as a kid it was difficult for me : P


I'm exactly the same way. Sometimes, when I really don't feel like getting my hands dirty, I'll eat ribs with a knife and fork...and people never stop giving me shit about it, either.
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Postby gnomes » Tue Sep 18, 2007 9:00 pm UTC

Give them three options.
Forked
Knifed
Let you enjoy your meal
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Postby Fantastic Idea » Tue Sep 18, 2007 9:04 pm UTC

Inspired by Alisto's girly lunch-

Poorly engineered food: Salad.

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Postby Pesto » Tue Sep 18, 2007 9:04 pm UTC

I'm not so sure ribs would even enter my radar. I wouldn't call them "engineered" at all. They're pretty much taken straight out of the pig.
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