The Xkcd Cookbook (with an unfinished index in the OP)

Apparently, people like to eat.

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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Zohar » Fri Jun 06, 2008 8:36 am UTC

Any suggestions on what I can replace bacon with that's vegetarian in the ramen recipe?

Edited for clarity due to page topper (woo!)
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby hermaj » Fri Jun 06, 2008 8:51 am UTC

Tofu, maybe?
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Delmieth » Fri Jun 06, 2008 12:30 pm UTC

crowey wrote:My recipe (that I made up) for a marinade for sticky chicken.

It's dead easy:

per chicken breast:
1 tsp honey
1 tsp soy sauce
1 tsp tamarind paste
1 tsp poppy seeds
1 tsp sesame seeds.

Mix it up, cut your chicken into strips, soak them in the sauce for a bit and then griddle/grill/BBQ them. Spread the rest of the sauce over whilst they are cooking.

This is particularly nice on a salad that has mango and corriander in, and a dressing of lime juice, balsamic vinegar and olive oil.


add some hoisin sauce and sesame oil to this and i agree with you totally! :P
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby SecondTalon » Fri Jun 06, 2008 9:14 pm UTC

crowey wrote:
hermaj wrote: Also try to keep in mind that this thread is really for sharing your own ideas and recipes, so the issue of directly copying an existing recipe should not really be coming up here.
I don't really see the problem with posting an "I did this recipe by this person, and it worked really well"
Flogging the dead horse, but the spirit of the thread is for XKCD Forumites to post their or their family's creations, not favorite recipes done by a professional chef.

Hence, my lack of participation. I'm too damn basic and I've yet to steal any of my mother's stuff. Even though she's given me several, I've never bothered to write them down on paper or actually use them.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Nyarlathotep » Fri Jun 06, 2008 10:47 pm UTC

Zohar wrote:Any suggestions on what I can replace bacon with that's vegetarian in the ramen recipe?

Edited for clarity due to page topper (woo!)


I'm not sure. I've used turkey bacon before but that's hardly vegetarian.

I'd suggest using tofu as hermaj suggested and sauteeing it along with the mushrooms in... I was about to say olive oil, but maybe something moar asian is in order. Try it and tell me what you think?
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Wondrej » Mon Jun 09, 2008 4:30 pm UTC

how do I prepare a meal

we will need -

pork chop(s) - as many as you can eat :) iam ok with one or two with hunger level about 5-6 from 10
and spices - I use black pepper, chilly (not so much of it), hot souce, salt and grill seasoner.
olive oil

take a chop and tap it a bit so it will become softer
now take all of that spices and put it on meat

take oil (i rather use olive oil - virgin if possibele :) ) put it on hot pan and add meat :)

in few minutes you have great meal. you can also make frites or somethig ;)
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Wondrej » Mon Jun 09, 2008 4:42 pm UTC

for more skilled cookers (but not for master cooks, its still easy ;) )

we going to need

-chicken breast
-spices of few kinds
-oil (olive please :D )
-pan
-bowl

take bowl, put oil inside, not much but it have to be enough to cover all meat ;)
now take pepper, salt and all that you like / find and put it in.
mix it
and add tapped meat (breasts in this case)

put it in fridge for about one hour, this will make meat to take more flavour.

now prepare pan put oil on it and put it on cook range add meat and *make make* and you have a food

/alt text: did you noticed that chicken breast dont have nipples?
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Torvaun » Mon Jun 09, 2008 4:57 pm UTC

Wondrej wrote:/alt text: did you noticed that chicken breast dont have nipples?

That's because chickens aren't mammals.
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Postby Random832 » Mon Jun 09, 2008 6:00 pm UTC

Rice-a-roni and chicken.

This is from memory, I'm not 100% sure the amount of water was the same, and I don't remember the oven temperature or baking time right now - I'll edit those in later.

Ingredients: (to serve six)
Two boxes rice-a-roni [any flavor, I believe when we did this it was the broccoli and cheese flavor]
Six chicken breasts

Brown rice/vermicelli mix as usual according to directions on rice-a-roni.
Place chicken breasts in medium-sized baking pan.
Salt and pepper chicken breasts.
Add rice/vermicelli mix, flavor packets, water (amount according to directions on rice-a-roni) to baking pan.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby hermaj » Wed Jun 11, 2008 12:54 am UTC

That sounds similar to something I make, except I coat the chicken in mild curry powder and brown it first, and just use jasmine rice and 550mL of stock. That usually takes 45 minutes at 200oC, if that helps, though I'm guessing yours would be a bit quicker than that if it is a packet mix.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby TEHFEZ » Thu Jun 12, 2008 3:09 pm UTC

hey guys , was goin on.
yay! cooking thread!I am a chef!

some nice sweets for you guys first(no suger for me,sniff :( ,im allergic)

toffe strawbries
you can do it with any fruit but im informed that these are the best

250g caster suger
5 tbsp liqued glucose
20 or so strawberies
100ml water
skewers

cover a baking sheet with foil and oil it lightly
pour 100 ml of water into a pan and add the suger, place over a low heat till the suger dissoulves completly, without stiring!
add the glucose and cover with a lid , cook till pale golden couler. alow to cool for 2 mins or so.
skewer your strawberies and dip them in the toffe ,rolling to make sure they are completly covered.
place on foiul till toffe hardens.(warning: the toffe will start to dissolve after about an hour so eat them fast!!

now for some ramen!
quick and easy miso ramen
makes enogh for 2 or one greedy person
you need : 1 portion soba noodles
1 egg (hard boiled and peeled)
2/3 teaspoons miso
1 lamb stock cube
1 vegie stock cube
2 spring onions
half a red peper
pan of water
dried ginger
soy sauce
2 leafs cabidge/cabige/whatever
1 small red onion
half teaspoon of lemon juice
1 portion of tofu (any kind will do)
aboiut 5 green beans/runer beans sliced


mix together the lemon juice , miso and half of each stock cube in a glass of water with a dash of soy sauce
slice spring onions diagonly , remove for later
chop onion into qauters and blanche fry/stir fry (with a little water) along with sliced red pepper beans and cabege and ,dash of soy and half a teaspoon of rice vinniger.place to one side
slice tofu.stir fry.place to one side.
boil noodlkes along with the rest of the stock cube and a litlle salt.
mix the stock concuction in with nodles and water
ad evgies ,tofu and choped egg
serve

and now : my favorite food in the world so far
yaki soba :mrgreen:
110g soba noodles
2 tablspoons yaki soba suace(consists of1ooml ligjht soy , 1 tsp dark soy,2 teaspoons suger and 2 tdp salt mixed up in a hot pan for ten miniuts.keeps for about a fortnight. )
1 small onion in half moon slices
4 spring onions in 1inch lenghts
handfull of beansprouts
15 peeled and gutted prawns
2tbs vegi oil
1/2 red pepper
1/2 green pepper
2 eggs , beaten

cook nodles in a pan of boiling water for ,3 minuets until just tender ,drain and refresh under cold water
put yaki soba sauce ,onion, beansprouts and prawnsin a big bowl and mix in the noodles.
heat a large wok wok till completly hot and almost smoking.add oil.place in the peppers and stir fry for two minitus add the nodles and stuff , stirfrying for 3 mins.add the beaten eggs and stir fry till the eggs are just cooked.
serve emidiatly with lime wedges , pickled ginger and a good sprinkling of sesame seeds
yum
:D
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Mother Nature's Son » Fri Jun 13, 2008 6:25 pm UTC

Here's a recipe I invented (though, as with Gutenberg's printing press, I probably wasn't the first) while miles from civilization in pouring rain on a tiny canister stove. Though it's an optimal meal for backpacking, it works well at home, too.

Evan's Magic Rainbow Oatmeal

Serves one (hungry):

Ingredients
    2 cups water
    1 cup oats
    1 handful trailmix (Preferably with peanuts, almonds, cashews, raisins, and M&Ms
Directions
    Remove all M&Ms from trailmix and set aside. Put the rest of the nuts and raisins in the water. Bring to a boil.

    When at a boil, add oats. Stir until consistent.

    Once thickened, add M&Ms. Stir again.

Boiling the nuts will soften them somewhat and make them more edible when mixed in with the softer oatmeal. When you add the M&Ms, the candy shell will melt off, making the oatmeal "rainbow". The chocolate will remain in semisolid lumps. This is a good way to take a nutritious but bland food and, with almost no effort, make it much more palatable.

Cave et audi.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Grooving Tony » Tue Jun 17, 2008 12:49 pm UTC

A simple lunch and it's a very tasty meal.

What you need:
Two sesame seed rolls
six big slices of bacon
and four tattie[potato] scones

Butter your two rolls. Grill you bacon so it's goes crispy and fry off the scones.
Put one scone on the bottom of the roll next your three slices of bacon then another scone on top repeat for the other roll :D
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Sykotic1189 » Mon Jun 23, 2008 6:19 pm UTC

A lot of what I cook is by instinct and I specialize in breakfasts and big portions so adjust accordingly.

Andrew's Steak and Eggs wrote:16 oz New York Strip (you don't have to get something this nice but I have expensive tastes)
1/4 stick butter
6-8 eggs
1/2 cup sliced jalapenos with juice
1/8 cup chopped onions
1/2 cup salsa
1/2 cup cheese
mixing bowl

Generally you cook the steak to just under how you like it. i.e. if you like medium, cook it medium rare. Only exceptions are rare and well done. With rare you just marinate it before you go to cooking and well done starts well done. Cook it how you like it but keep in mind what you're about to cook it with and try not to mix styles too much.

Once you have the steak cooked almost how you like it cut it into bite sized pieces, drop it in the bowl still hot and throw in everything but the butter and salsa. While you mix that up get the pan about medium-hot and start melting the butter. Make sure your ingredients are well mixed when you drop them into the pan. Stir regularly. When done serve with salsa over the top. other accoutrement are welcome but not necessary.

Good times?


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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Random832 » Tue Jul 01, 2008 12:39 am UTC

Here's part of my "Experiments in Leftovers" series (the first part, as it happens)

Untitled 30 June 2008 wrote:1/4 pound ground pork patty, previously cooked (pan-fried, apparently)
1 regular-sized bowl Mac & Cheese
Heaping spoonful of salsa.
1 ounce butter

Break up pork patty, mix well with Mac & Cheese and Salsa, add butter

Microwave 1 minute

Stir in butter

Add salt and black pepper to taste
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Azrael » Tue Jul 01, 2008 2:30 pm UTC

Random832 wrote:Here's part of my "Experiments in Leftovers" series (the first part, as it happens)

Untitled 30 June 2008 wrote:1/4 pound ground pork patty, previously cooked (pan-fried, apparently)
1 regular-sized bowl Mac & Cheese
Heaping spoonful of salsa.
1 ounce butter

Break up pork patty, mix well with Mac & Cheese and Salsa, add butter

Microwave 1 minute

Stir in butter

Add salt and black pepper to taste


Considering how much butter there already is in the Mac & Cheese, why'd you add more?
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Random832 » Tue Jul 01, 2008 2:54 pm UTC

Azrael wrote:Considering how much butter there already is in the Mac & Cheese, why'd you add more?


It had dried out a bit in the refrigerator, and the pork patties were pretty dry to start with
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Axman » Wed Jul 09, 2008 6:38 am UTC

Success! Dak Jim

3-4lbs chicken (I used legs and thighs)
1/2c corn oil
1lb onion, julienned,
3-4 carrots, julienned, and/ or
1lb dichon/ cabbage, (estimate a pound uncooked total)
1c minced ginger,
3/4c minced garlic,
4 sliced jalapeno peppers
3/4-1c soy sauce,
1/2c sugar, refined, brown, cane, molasses, or otherwise,
2-3tbs sim sim oil (sesame)
2-3tbs vinegar (0pti9nal__)

You will use the highest level of fire your stove provides for the entire duration of cooking.

In a wok, cook the chicken, skinned--that means skinless--by adding it to searing oil. Salt and pepper to taste before cooking. Put a lid on it if you wish to contain the fuel. Flip the meat when it no longer sticks to the steel. Remove, let sit on paper towels or the counter.

Fry the onion and carrot in the hot fat left over. When the onions start to glaze/ brown, add the aromatics, the liquids, and 4c water. Return the meat to the wok. Reduce 'til the meat starts falling off the bones/ apart. It'll be pretty dark, and everything else soggy.

Serve over steamed rice. Substitute beer/ sake for 1/4 of the rice's water, that shit's tasty. Or d0n't, and fucking write soemthing, you knever now. K-FOOOD FTW.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby aleflamedyud » Sat Jul 12, 2008 8:49 pm UTC

I made this up completely on impulse. After trying it, it occurred to me that perhaps the god of tasty foods had spoken to me for a moment.
Aleph Dip
Ingredients:
1 diced jalapeño pepper (roughly... 2 teaspoons pre-diced peppers?)
2 teaspoons honey
1 teaspoon (approximately) lemon juice

1. Dice the pepper, removing the seeds.
2. Put pepper and honey in a dish. Stir together.
3. Add lemon juice. Stir until the consistency of an unreduced sauce is achieved.

Makes one small dishful.

Use as a dip, sauce or marinade.

I really need to figure out how this scales up. I might try it as a part of a stir-fry if I get the chance, or possibly as a chicken-wing sauce. So far it goes great with tortilla chips!
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Decker » Fri Jul 18, 2008 1:37 pm UTC

A favorite snack of mine.

Decker's Grilled Cheese and Pepperoni Sammiches wrote:Ingredients:
2 Slices of bread (white, Italian, whatever)
2 slices of American cheese
Some pepperoni (Sliced or diced. I like diced better)
A little butter.

Heat a non-stick skillet over medium-high heat.
Make sammich by stacking the ingredients in this order. Bread, cheese, pepperoni, cheese, bread.
Spread some butter thinly and evenly on top of the top slice of bread.
Pick up sammich and carefully flip it over so that the butter side is facing down (Try not to loose and pepperoni) and put in pan.
Butter the bread that is now facing up.
Cook until the buttered bottom is golden brown and the cheese is melted enough that you can flip everything over without making a mess (a few minutes)
Cook until the bottom is golden brown (Warning: This will take a lot less time than the previous side. Watch that you don't burn it.)
Take off pan.
Eat.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Axman » Tue Jul 22, 2008 2:57 pm UTC

Eggs marinara

An old Neapolitan breakfast recipe, favored by few, probably a hangover cure:

fry a small potato into home fries or toast a hard roll in butter in a skillet
crack two eggs, salt and pepper, and cook to runny whites, flip
spoon 1/2c or more ragu (sauce style, not necessarily the brand) over the eggs,
liberal crushed red pepper
add chunks of motz, fresh is tasty (cheese is optional)
cover, cook eggs over medium
serve over the potatoes or bread
eat quickly to hide your shame.

Tweaks: onions, ham, mushrooms, sausage... along with the home fries.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby 3fj » Tue Jul 22, 2008 6:06 pm UTC

This is what student life is about.

Take your favorite dish that says "add x amount of water", and replace water for beer, cider or beer and cider.
I recently tried this with chilli.

Code: Select all
Snakebite chilli
1lb mince
1 can of chopped tomatoes
2 beef stock cubes
2tsp of chilli powder (mild, medium or hot depending on taste)
1 diced onion
1 diced carrot
1 bottle of beer
1 can of cider (as in... 5% alcohol. Srsly. non alcoholic cider is apple juice)
I swapped out the carrot for sweetcorn because i was all out, but you get the picture. Veg, mince, tomatoes, stock cubes and spices
 
Fry your mince like the bitch it is in the bottom of a pot until its only a wee bit pink
add onions and a stock cube, continue till brown
add tomatoes, other veg, chilli powder. Stir
Add beer, cider and stock cube. Cover. Turn down to simmer, Stir every 5 minutes until suitably solid.

If you fancy being slightly quicker about it, you can drain away some of the alcohol after 20 minutes and add gravy granules to thicken.
So much better! So much fun! Let's start from scratch and blow up the sun!
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Food Recipe Exhange

Postby aro3n » Mon Jul 28, 2008 4:02 am UTC

I'm fairly surprised that nobody posted a recipes thread (or its dead), but I'm going to start one!

EDIT:
haha... didnt notice this!

EZ+Quick Turkey Lasagna


Ingredients:
Code: Select all
Filling
1 large container of part skim ricotta (32 oz)
.5 cup of grated Parmesan cheese
1 egg beaten

Mozzarella cheese
Oven Ready Lasagna Pasta (varies by how much pasta a person likes)
2 jars of made pasta sauce (choose plain/ flavoured/ etc... avoid very watery pasta sauces or else the lasagna will be watery!)
Code: Select all
Meat Filling
Ground Turkey Meat
1/2 an Onion (diced)
Oil
2-3 cloves of Garlic (diced)


Instructions:
Mix all the filling ingredients together.
To make the meat filling...
1. Turn on the Flame (high) and cook the oil for a bit, then add in garlic
2. Let it fry for a moment, DO NOT LET THE GARLIC BURN
3. Add the onions (turn to low flame)
4. Cook for a moment, DO NOT LET THEM BURN (have the fragrant aroma rise)
5. Then add the turkey meat, then as it cooks use a spatula to separate the clumps of meat to smaller pieces
6. put a cover on and turn off the flame.

Then layer the lasagna as following

***TOP***
mozzarella
pasta sauce (thin layer, just enough to cover pasta)
pasta
filling
Code: Select all
:::repeat as many times as needed or desired:::
mozzarella
pasta
meat filling (thin/ or however you like it)
filling
pasta sauce

***BOTTOM***

Cheers and Good Luck!

=========
========

LiangFen 凉粉 (I know no english equivalent... {lit: Cool Powder/ Google: Jelly})

Intro:
Commonly eaten in China (yes, it's real Chinese food) during the hot summer days and its low Calorie since its almost the equivalent of eating water! This is a basic, and traditional recipe.

Ingredients:
Mung Bean Powder (available at most oriental shops) will be referred to as MBP
Water
2+ ClovesGarlic (diced)
Xiang Chai (once again, I know no real English equivalent {lit: fragrant vegetable}, this is optional)
1 stem of Scallion (thin sideways slices 15degrees/75 degrees, 1mm)
Soy Sauce
Sesame Oil
Sugar
Peanuts (crushed) optional
Hot Sauce optional
NOTE: Everything MUST be clean AND fresh, since the final result will NOT be cooked!

Mix MBP to water in a 1 cup to 7 cup ratio, respectively (see what I meant by eating water?) Then once mixed thoroughly (should be a colloid). Turn on the flame and stir. DO NOT let it sit, keep stirring and it will soon get harder and harder to stir, keep going until the substance is near clear, then put in the fridge for an hour, or however long it takes to cool it entirely (sometimes overnight). *** Once cool take out a chopping board and flip the pot upside down (without the lid) and gently tap until the gelatin comes out, then remove the pot. Now cut it into slices, I recommend about 1.25cmx1.25cmx6cm (note, dont make them too small or else they will sorta melt, and if they are too big the flavour will not go in and this is a rough science-- the size I mean). Once all are cut, put them into the pot again and refrigerate while we make the sauce (just to be on the safe side, normally it can be outside for hours and not melt, but you want them looking presentable!)

The following instructions can and should be customized:
Take your soy sauce, and put about 1 cup into a big bowl. Then add about 2Tbsp of Sesame oil, and about 5Tbsp of sugar. Mix well then add the Garlic and Scallion and mix again. Taste, modify, and repeat!
</end customization>

Mix them all together now, don't be afraid to use your (presumably) clean hands. Leave for a few hours for the flavour to soak.

Optional:
-Garnish with XiangChai
-Add hot sauce (even better with peanuts!


Enjoys!
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby niko7865 » Mon Jul 28, 2008 8:43 pm UTC

Axman wrote:Success! Dak Jim

3-4lbs chicken (I used legs and thighs)
1/2c corn oil
1lb onion, julienned,
3-4 carrots, julienned, and/ or
1lb dichon/ cabbage, (estimate a pound uncooked total)
1c minced ginger,
3/4c minced garlic,
4 sliced jalapeno peppers
3/4-1c soy sauce,
1/2c sugar, refined, brown, cane, molasses, or otherwise,
2-3tbs sim sim oil (sesame)
2-3tbs vinegar (0pti9nal__)

You will use the highest level of fire your stove provides for the entire duration of cooking.

In a wok, cook the chicken, skinned--that means skinless--by adding it to searing oil. Salt and pepper to taste before cooking. Put a lid on it if you wish to contain the fuel. Flip the meat when it no longer sticks to the steel. Remove, let sit on paper towels or the counter.

Fry the onion and carrot in the hot fat left over. When the onions start to glaze/ brown, add the aromatics, the liquids, and 4c water. Return the meat to the wok. Reduce 'til the meat starts falling off the bones/ apart. It'll be pretty dark, and everything else soggy.

Serve over steamed rice. Substitute beer/ sake for 1/4 of the rice's water, that shit's tasty. Or d0n't, and fucking write soemthing, you knever now. K-FOOOD FTW.


I made this, it was awesome, even with boneless/skinless chicken.
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Re: Food Recipe Exhange

Postby Random832 » Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:06 pm UTC

aro3n wrote:LiangFen 凉粉 (I know no english equivalent... {lit: Cool Powder/ Google: Jelly})


Grass jelly according to wikipedia (well, "according to" in so far as the chinese characters in the box match 凉粉 and it looks like it matches your description) - based on that, your Xiang Chai seems to be Mesona chinensis
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Re: Food Recipe Exhange

Postby aro3n » Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:34 pm UTC

Random832 wrote:
aro3n wrote:LiangFen 凉粉 (I know no english equivalent... {lit: Cool Powder/ Google: Jelly})


Grass jelly according to wikipedia (well, "according to" in so far as the chinese characters in the box match 凉粉 and it looks like it matches your description) - based on that, your Xiang Chai seems to be Mesona chinensis

"Grass Jelly" is not the same thing, that is a dessert dish, the one I'm speaking of is near transparent (with a whitish tint), but its basically the same thing, only made from another powder, and people add sugar to this!
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby darth.malie » Sun Aug 03, 2008 7:04 pm UTC

Carbonera (I think that's how you spell it):

Ingredients (one serving):
1 egg
Parmesan cheese, the finer the better
Pasta - spaghetti works well, but I like more interesting varieties.
Vegetables: such as peas, red pepper, spinach, carrots, etc. Some vegetables will not work well here.
Olive oil
Ham, cut up into small pieces. (Optional)

Directions:
While you're cooking the pasta, beat the egg and parmesan together. There should be enough cheese to make a decently homogenous mixture.
If you're using vegetables that you wouldn't want to find raw in pasta (such as carrots, zucchini, red pepper, mushrooms, etc.) dice them and put them in a small bowl with olive oil. Microwave this for about 15 seconds. Or sauté them, if you're feeling fancy.
If you have frozen vegetables, throw them in with the pasta in the last minute or so of cooking.
Drain the pasta, and put all ingredients except the egg mixture into the pot, back on the burner.
Pour the egg mixture over everything else, and stir it quickly with any handy utensil.
The egg will scramble, and you'll end up with a pasta/reverse omelet/delicious thing.

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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby nadreck » Sun Aug 03, 2008 9:54 pm UTC

Salsa Verde:

8-12 tomatilos
3-5 cloves garlic
5 green onions
2 celery stalks plus a bunch of the celery leaves (or some lovage instead of celery leaves)
1/2 green bell pepper
1 or 2 habenero peppers (ok for the really mild version 1/2 a pepper)
2 or 3 tbls of fresh cilantro
1/2 tsp salt (note this is the only Salsa recipe that I have salt in, but I find that tomatilos require it (if you get canned ones they might not - check on the canned ones if salt is added - note I have never tried making this with canned tomatilos)

I am increasingly lazy as I get older so rather than chop all this stuff finely as I should I just throw it all in a food processor in pieces smaller than 1 cubic inch and run it until it is the consistency of relish. Note, given that it looks like relish I have tried it on hot dogs and it is mighty fine. Almost as good as chili on a hot dog.

My tomato salsa recipe:

2-4 tomatoes (about 2 cups once food processed)
1/2 red bell pepper
1/4 red onion
1/2 green bell pepper
4-6 radishes
1-2 jalapeno peppers (just a recomendation here, basically do it with whatever hot peppers you like based on how caliente you and those you share with enjoy)
2 or 3 tbls of fresh cilantro

Again the food processor thing unless you really like choping stuff finely by hand and are in full posession of your faculties and won't miss with the knife and prune your fingers. Also, when dealing with hot peppers, note that you don't want to touch eyes or any mucous membranes (yours or anyone elses) after you have cut up hot peppers and gotten the juices on your fingers, even after quite a bit of washing this can still come back to haunt you
When someone blunders, we say that he makes a misstep. It is clear that all the: ills of mankind, tragic misfortunes that fill our history books, political blunders, failures of great leaders; arise merely from the lack of skill in dancing. Molière
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby hermaj » Mon Aug 04, 2008 4:39 am UTC

darth.malie wrote:Drain the pasta, and put all ingredients except the egg mixture into the pot, back on the burner.
Pour the egg mixture over everything else, and stir it quickly with any handy utensil.
The egg will scramble, and you'll end up with a pasta/reverse omelet/delicious thing.


Ooooh, you're doing really well until this part. But you want the sauce to form smoothly, not to scramble the egg. Try putting everything back into the warm pot you cooked the pasta in, pour in the egg and parmesan without turning the heat back on and see how that goes for you? I find the residual heat in my pot is enough to melt the cheese and emulsify the sauce; that said, I also use a little bit of wine when I cook up my bacon and garlic (I usually serve it with bacon, small tender broccoli florets and lots of cracked pepper) and that probably helps everything to combine.

Also, love the giant microbe. :P
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby TheStranger » Sat Aug 09, 2008 2:00 am UTC

Chicken Marsala

Chicken, boneless and skinless, cut thin
1/4 cup flour per piece of chicken
butter
olive oil
beef broth
mushroom
ground black pepper
salt
pasta (I use thick spaghetti, but linguine will work as well)

put a small amount of butter and some olive oil in a large pan and bring it to a good medium-high heat

while the pan is heating (and the butter is melting) mix the flower with a bit (to taste) of pepper and salt then coat each piece of chicken in the mixture.

put the coated chicken in the pan turning occasionally. While this is being done you can quarter the mushrooms.

Once the chicken is nicely done (light brown on each side) remove the pieces and set aside (I usually put them on a plate and wrap them in a paper towel). Reduce the heat to a medium heat then put the mushrooms in.

while the mushrooms cook open the wine and pour 1/4 cup. Once the mushrooms are starting to cook CAREFULLY add the wine. If you are making a large amount of chicken you can add more wine, but it should still be added in increments of 1/4 cup (maybe 1/4 cup wine to every 2 cups of flour used). Once this starts simmering add the beef broth (1/2 cup per lb of chicken) and stir well.

At this point you can start your pasta.

Once the pasta is in check on the sauce, it should be thickening nicely now. Add the chicken back in at this point, making sure to cover in the sauce. Reduce the heat to a low medium and let sit while the pasta cooks (stirring occasionally). If the sauce seems to be getting to thick at this point add a 'splash' of the white wine and stir it in (the heat should be increased if you do this to). Once the pasta is done it's ready to be enjoyed.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby TomatoBlue » Sat Aug 09, 2008 6:42 am UTC

"Recipes" for lazyass people:

Tomato Smoothie

One can of tomato soup.
Cup and a half of ice.
Half a fresh tomato.
Half-cup of milk (Or ice cream, for the eclectic palate.)
Optional: 1/4 cup orange juice, or a tablespoon OJ concentrate.

Blend until it's frothy and chug it, or put it in the freezer and make tomatosicles. I first drank it when I lost a bet, but it's so damned good, I went back for seconds. Their horrified expressions made it taste like victory.


Waffleburger:
1) Make instant waffles.
2) Season a ground beef patty to taste.
3) Shove it in the waffle iron (Well greased) and hold the lid down. Mine cook in twenty seconds, at most.
4) Take it out, drain the grease, admire my genius.
5) Put the waffleburger between the waffles and nom.
6) Avoid using that waffle iron for making actual waffles ever again.
7) Die of a heart attack.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Alpha Omicron » Sun Aug 10, 2008 1:13 am UTC

Paper

Ingredients:
One piece or sheet of your preferred paper. Preferably not written on.

Procedure:
Eat it.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby 3fj » Sun Aug 10, 2008 3:36 pm UTC

Everyone has there own stew recipe, so i wont bother detailing mine, instead; some suggestions.

Add 2 tbsp of branston pickle. Delicious
Go out and buy a loaf of tiger bread (they come in a range of sizes) to serve in slices with the stew. I don't know what makes it tiger bread. Its just crusty bread with some stuff on top.
Try switching the water out for any low alcohol drink (beer, cider, wine, etc.). It gives it a nice flavor (especially red table wine. Stole it off my flatmate. We both agreed its the best use for it :P)
Even if your buy yourself, cook a load of it. It keeps for nearly a week if you refrigerate the parts you don't eat. I cooked and lived off of stew for a week. Delicious.
So much better! So much fun! Let's start from scratch and blow up the sun!
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby nysha » Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:37 pm UTC

Bacon Cheese Bread

1 hot dog bun or sandwich roll, split apart
2-4 slices of bacon, cooked & crumbled
Ranch salad dressing
shredded cheese (I mix cheddar & mozzarella together for this)

Spread a thick layer of ranch dressing on the buns, top with bacon crumbles and cheese. Heat in toaster oven or oven broiler until cheese is melted.

This is my son's favorite snack, combining his 3 favorite foods - bacon, cheese, & ranch dressing.
Last edited by nysha on Sat Aug 16, 2008 4:46 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby ParanoidDrone » Wed Aug 13, 2008 2:57 pm UTC

CakeCookies

1 box cake mix
1/2 cup oil
2 eggs
Whatever goodies (chocolate chips, nuts, whatever) you want in your cookies

Mix all ingredients and spoon onto baking sheets. Bake at 350 degrees for 12 minutes. Makes too many to count.

Courtesy of my grandmother.
Insert witty phrase here.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Nath » Sat Aug 16, 2008 9:43 am UTC

Behold, an experiment: pork kebabs. Should work with other meats.

Marinate cubed pork in yogurt, lemon juice, salt, pepper, chili powder, cumin, coriander, ginger powder, minced garlic, a couple of shakes of powdered cloves, and any other seasonings you think would fit.
Meanwhile, soak some wooden skewers in water. You'll need about one skewer for every four pieces of meat.
Preheat oven to 350 F (177 C). Put some foil on a baking tray. Skewer the meat; bake till done, turning occasionally. Took me about 25 minutes, I think.

I ate it in warm pita with garlic hummus and sliced, salted tomatoes. It was good, but I don't think hummus is the optimal condiment.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby hermaj » Sat Aug 16, 2008 10:45 am UTC

That sounds absolutely delicious, I will definitely try it. Tzatiki or raita perhaps for the condiment? Or would that be a little heavy on the yoghurt?
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby nadreck » Sat Aug 16, 2008 2:52 pm UTC

Nath wrote: It was good, but I don't think hummus is the optimal condiment.


my thoughts would be to put tahini and maybe a little coriander chutney on there
When someone blunders, we say that he makes a misstep. It is clear that all the: ills of mankind, tragic misfortunes that fill our history books, political blunders, failures of great leaders; arise merely from the lack of skill in dancing. Molière
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Nath » Sat Aug 16, 2008 9:16 pm UTC

Tzatziki would work. So would raita, but not in sandwich form. I think some sort of garlic-tahini sauce would be ideal. Coriander chutney wouldn't have occurred to me, but it might be a good combination too.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby threepoint1416926dotdotdot » Tue Aug 19, 2008 7:48 pm UTC

Take 1 cup frozen cherries, ! cup frozen blueberries, half of a cup of H2O in solid or liquid state, 2 tsp sugar, and a dash of nutmeg. Throw in blender. Blend. Yum!!
Yay!
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