The Xkcd Cookbook (with an unfinished index in the OP)

Apparently, people like to eat.

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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Fifi » Tue Aug 19, 2008 8:55 pm UTC

Delicious chocolate brownies (made them the other day and I think I gained weight just looking at them)

200g dark couverture chocolate
250g butter
4 eggs
1 & 3/4 cups brown sugar
1 & 1/4 cups plain flour (sifted)
1/3 cup cocoa powder (sifted)
1/4 teaspoon baking powder

Preheat oven to 160° C and line a 20cm square tin with non-stick baking paper.
Put chopped chocolate and butter in a saucepan on low heat and stir until melted. Allow to cool for a bit.
Mix all other ingredients in a bowl, then add chocolate and butter. Mix well and pour into tin.
Bake in the oven for about 50mins.
Leave plain or dust a bit of icing sugar on top.
Eat
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby nadreck » Tue Aug 19, 2008 10:55 pm UTC

Quick, filling and delicious breakfast for the lactose intolerant (like me)

A smoothie but one with no dairy, the thick creamy consistency comes from a banana

1 banana and 1 cup of any other blendable fruits that turn your crank in one cubic inch or smaller peices, if the other fruits don't have enough juice to make a smooth porable and drinkable liquid add a couple of ounces of your favourite fruit juice too.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby threepoint1416926dotdotdot » Wed Aug 20, 2008 10:54 pm UTC

1. What constants, variables, or functions X, K, C, and D cause the following equation to intersect the Awesome Noms equation at (dinnertime, kitchentable, 2, 9987625, 7) in any given 5D world?

a. pastacheese=X(curlymacaronis)+K(elbowmacaronis)+C(snappedinpiecespiecesofspaghetti)+D(ozofcolbycheese)
b. cherrymilk=X(cherries)+K(ozofmilk)+C(tspmaplesyrup)+D(straws) (Assume this happens in a glass)
c. settable=X(forks)+K(plates)+C(food types) *D(noms)

I whung it (whinged it? winged it?) and got pretty neat results.
Yay!
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Samsoneffect » Thu Aug 21, 2008 1:38 am UTC

Hey everyone, throwing my bread-and-butter dish in - Lemon Pepper Salmon.

Alright, so this one is designed for two people; scale up as necessary. Also, for the mixture on the salmon, I have no fixed ratio of ingredients; it all depends on how you like it.

REQUIRED:
2 Salmon Fillets, preferably skinless
Soy Sauce
Lemon Juice
Honey
Butter
Black Pepper
Olive Oil
Spices of choice
Mixed Veggies of choice
Third component of choice

Preheat to broil.

So here's the drill. For the veggies, I like to use a mixture of green and red peppers, carrots, and zucchini. One of each is good for two people, except carrots, you'll want two. Cut them into uniformly-sized pieces, for the peppers, as close to square as you can make them. In a small dish, mix a blend of lemon juice, honey, and butter, total of about 40 mL. Put the chopped veggies into a large enough bowl, pour the honey lemon butter mix in, cover with saran wrap, and shake it up good. Feel free to throw some ground black pepper in and re-shake a few times. Drain excess mixture.

Onto the salmon. Get a baking sheet, cover with foil, spray with non-stick oil if you have the sprayable stuff. In another mixing dish, mix up some lemon juice, soy sauce, and melted butter, in whatever ratio you like. (Optional: Pierce the salmon a few times with a fork.) Apply evenly to salmon fillets with spoon. Top with ground black pepper and seasonings (Basil, rosemary, thyme are all good bets; I went with basil and rosemary.) Flip and repeat.

Once that's set, put some olive oil on the other side of the tray, evenly spaced, not too much. Put the chopped veggies in the tray with the salmon. Mix the veggies around, add pepper if you like, or didn't earlier.
Once the oven is done preheating, put the tray into the oven for seven minutes. At the end of the seven minutes, flip the salmon fillets, and broil for another seven minutes.

For my third component, I've been using pan-fried asparagus. Olive oil in the pan, just before you pull the salmon out and flip the first time. You can cut the asparagus spears into three to five pieces each, 10-15 spears in total. Burner on med-high heat (7-8) to thin the oil, then put the asparagus in. Add salt and/or pepper. Keep stirring, and after three to four minutes, go to med-low or medium heat until second seven-minute bout in the oven is finished.

Possible substitutes for asparagus: Fried rice, mashed potatoes.

The two seven minute cooks is usually ideal, but it will vary from oven to oven. The salmon should flake off easily with a fork when it's ready. All of the mixture volumes are not exact at all; you can mix the stuff however you like. Also, lime juice substitutes well for lemon juice.

Hope you guys enjoy it. :mrgreen: I'm still tinkering with it, but this'll do just nicely, I'll make any adjustments when I come up with them.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby AntonGarou » Thu Aug 21, 2008 7:31 pm UTC

*looks over thread**likes*
Antongarou's really thick hot chocolate wrote:here is my really thick hot chocolate recipe, enough for one mug:
Materials
1 C 15% cooking cream
2 tablespoons pure cocoa powder(not instant powder- the good stuff that reads 100% cocoa:)
1.5 tablespoons sugar
1 piece(10g) of really good chocolate- I use Lindt 85%(which I subsist on during exam period) but anything 70% and above will do in a pinch

put everything in a finjan(small metal coffeepot) on a small fire, mix continually until the chocolate piece melted and the liquid is uniform.pour into cup.enjoy.

Yes, I'm one of the crazies that likes it when the hot chocolate is almost thick enough to eat with a spoon, and chocolatey enough to send hyperactives up walls.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Alder » Tue Aug 26, 2008 10:28 am UTC

My brother's
Uh-oh There's Nothing But Tuna In The Cupboard recipe
[with a few added bits from me]

A small can of tuna
Butter
Mayonaisse
Tomato ketchup
Sweetcorn
Reduced fat soft cheese (garlic and herb is partucularly good)

Melt some butter in a saucepan.
Add the tuna, and mush it up.
Once it's soft and changing colour, add a dollup of mayonaisse - not too much 'cause other ingredients still coming.
Add a squirt of tomato ketchup.
And a spoonful or two (use your imagination!) of sweetcorn.
Then a couple of scrapes of soft cheese (philidelphia is good, but almost any generic works too)
Stir until you have a weird slushy mixture.

Stick it on toast and eat. Any left over - you can end up with quite a lot of it - can go in the fridge and make an excellent sandwich the next day.
Enjoy!
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Situational Iron » Sat Aug 30, 2008 5:00 am UTC

wrote wrote wrote wrote wrote wrote:Bachelor Spaghetti

1 package of ramen
1/2 cup ketchup

boil noodles. drain noodles. add ketchup.



This is quite cheap and will not kill you. Immediatly. Give it a few days.

To mix it up a bit serve alongside grilled pork, fig and hazlenut salad, and complemented by a Vin Délimité de Qualité Superieure such as an 1828 merlot.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Korvost » Sat Aug 30, 2008 9:02 pm UTC

Situational Iron wrote:
wrote wrote wrote wrote wrote wrote:Bachelor Spaghetti

1 package of ramen
1/2 cup ketchup

boil noodles. drain noodles. add ketchup.



This is quite cheap and will not kill you. Immediatly. Give it a few days.

To mix it up a bit serve alongside grilled pork, fig and hazlenut salad, and complemented by a Vin Délimité de Qualité Superieure such as an 1828 merlot.

Isn't this the only stuff you need to survive other than water?
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby fishyfish777 » Tue Sep 02, 2008 7:57 pm UTC

Korvost wrote:
Situational Iron wrote:
wrote wrote wrote wrote wrote wrote:Bachelor Spaghetti

1 package of ramen
1/2 cup ketchup

boil noodles. drain noodles. add ketchup.



This is quite cheap and will not kill you. Immediatly. Give it a few days.

To mix it up a bit serve alongside grilled pork, fig and hazlenut salad, and complemented by a Vin Délimité de Qualité Superieure such as an 1828 merlot.

Isn't this the only stuff you need to survive other than water?


O.o Disgusting.

My recipe for winmeal is:
Fishy's recipe for Win wrote:No cups water
2 big tofu cubes, the green-wrapped ones that largely state TOFU
Ground beef
Soy sauce
A pinch of sugar
A little salt
Some pepper
Pon-Zu (THAT IS THE KEY TASTE) It's spelled ポン酢, incase anyone has the Japanese language pack installed. Or Vistah.
Pon-zu Alternative: Somen soup, thinned out with water. (pronounced So - men as in ramen, but with a so like sow)
Green onions (they're looong and green and look like a bunch of tubes)


First, cut up the big tofu cubes into cubes around 8 cubic centimeters in volume (2x2x2cm cubes), and mince the green onions. Then, pour the ponzu into the pan. As much as you will. Normal flavor is achieved by covering the tofu halfway. Then quickly put on the tofu, and mix it for around... I forget. A few minutes. This is essential to let the flavor soak into the tofu. Mixing around the tofu is essential to prevent burning though. When you think it has sat long enough, dump the meat in. Separate meat into little chunks, then mix around. Dump all the seasonings in at that point. Add a little ponzu if you think it's getting low. It probably will get low. Then, after a while, when you think the meat's cooked well enough (ALL BROWN, then let it sit for a minute or two), and the tofu has light brown marks on it, Go ahead and turn off the heat. Serve when it's not burning hot, but not freezing cold. Best served warm.


I must advise you, only make it if you don't burn things, and make it on a special occasion (such as you have enough money, or your Girlfriend's coming over). Practice making. I will also warn you that it will cost a lot to gather the materials to make this, around $10-15, so save a little money. Wean away from Mac for just a little bit.

It's my best dish so far. whopee.

My other recipe for cheap ramen is:

Ramen, with a few extras wrote:A ramen pack
Some tabasco sauce
Some of that frozen corn
Green onions

This is pretty self-explanatory. Add meat if you will.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Situational Iron » Wed Sep 03, 2008 10:25 pm UTC

Fishy's recipe for Win wrote:No cups water
2 big tofu cubes, the green-wrapped ones that largely state TOFU
Ground beef
Soy sauce
A pinch of sugar
A little salt
Some pepper
Pon-Zu (THAT IS THE KEY TASTE) It's spelled ポン酢, incase anyone has the Japanese language pack installed. Or Vistah.
Pon-zu Alternative: Somen soup, thinned out with water. (pronounced So - men as in ramen, but with a so like sow)
Green onions (they're looong and green and look like a bunch of tubes)


wheres the language pack for firefox, on an off note?
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Babam » Sun Sep 07, 2008 11:04 pm UTC

Delicious Spicy Chicken ala Babam
-Chicken filet, already cooked
-1/2 stick Butter
-1 dill pickel
-Garlic Powder
-Salt
-Franks Red Hot Sauce
Slice chicken into chunks or strips of any desired size, place on a plate.
Mix butter and Hot sauce in a small glass bowl, (makes a creamy but solid sauce)
Chop one dill pickel into desired size chunks.
Mix pickel and chicken, sprinkle garlic powder and salt onto the two.
Microwave for about 30-45 seconds.
Mix in the butter hot sauce, and enjoy.


Feel free to alter it in any way
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Invertebrate » Sun Sep 21, 2008 4:50 pm UTC

One is a really easy sauce, which looks and smells (and tastes) as though it was more complicated than it is.

Chicken breasts. (One per person.)
Any other vegetables, totally optional. My personal favourites for this sauce are aubergine, onions, tomatoes, roasted peppers and sweetcorn, water chestnuts also work very well.
Tomato ketchup.
Some form of chilli sauce or powder - I recommend sweet chilli sauce.
Chinese plum sauce. You can make your own, but I usually don't bother. This can be substituted with mango chutney if necessary.
Red wine. I usually use port, but most reds do the job, I prefer a good flavourful wine.

Take the raw chicken breasts* and cut them into pieces. (I prefer mine to be small, but you might like strips or larger chunks, it doesn't really matter.)

Mix about half of a small bottle of tomato ketchup into a large bowl with the plum sauce and chilli sauce. Personally I prefer a lot of plum sauce and not very much chilli, but you can adjust this according to your taste. Then add the vegetables and chicken, plus a splash of wine, and put in a wok or similar pan. Cook until the chicken is white on the outside, then add about a glass of wine. (I usually go crazy with the wine, but it only needs about a glass! I just love cooking with alcohol...) When the sauce is bubbling and the chicken is cooked through, it's done! That's it, very simple.

It tastes best with rice, but can be had with chips, mash, pasta, in a sandwich or just on its own.

This can also be done by coating larger pieces of chicken in the sauce before grilling them on a barbeque or a sandwich-maker.

*Also, my sister is vegetarian and I've done this recipe with Quorn substitute and vegetables. It tastes almost the same!

(This takes about thirty-five minutes and costs about £2.50 per head.)
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby quintopia » Sun Sep 21, 2008 8:45 pm UTC

I think this forum would be much cooler if there were a different thread for every recipe, or at least, a different thread for each meal type (meat, pasta, beverage, salad, baked goods, other sweets, sandwiches, breakfast, etc.), but since I really have no mod control whereby to decrease the lameness of this forum, I shall post a recipe. If there were a "gourmet" or "sandwiches" thread, this would go there, but since there isn't:

Gourmet Pepperoni Sandwich wrote:
Cost: a little over a dollar a sandwich, but you pay for about 14 sandwiches at a time.

Ingredients:
Rosemary Foccacia (fresh or frozen and thawed)
Pepperonis (I use Smart Deli's Pepperoni Style Veggie Protein Slices. . .they're just like the real thing)
Bufala Mozzarella (Euro Pomella brand is good)
Greens (baby field mix, arugala, or artisan lettuce all work well)
Italian Dressing (I recommend Olde Cape Cod's Sundried Tomato, Olive Oil and Basil)

Procedure:
Cut off a 4"x3" piece of foccacia, then slice it in half sideways, so both sides have crusty backs.
Toast the pieces.
Add ~6 pepperonis to one half, followed by two thin slices of mozzarella. Microwave this half on a paper towel for 30 secs.
While that's microwaving, add a small dash of italian dressing to the other half of bread, and sprinkle with greens.
When the microwave beeps, open the door (important: do not break the glass!), and remove the paper towel et al. Fold the melted pieces of mozzarella back over onto the bread. Top with greeny half of foccacia. Fold paper towel around newly made sandwich. Take a bite. Then another.

Put the cap back on the dressing and cupboardify it, put the mozz back in its tub in the fridge, along with the greens and pep. Put the bread [back] in the freezer.

Now finish eating.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby hermaj » Sun Sep 21, 2008 11:18 pm UTC

quintopia wrote:I think this forum would be much cooler if there were a different thread for every recipe, or at least, a different thread for each meal type (meat, pasta, beverage, salad, baked goods, other sweets, sandwiches, breakfast, etc.), but since I really have no mod control whereby to decrease the lameness of this forum, I shall post a recipe. If there were a "gourmet" or "sandwiches" thread, this would go there, but since there isn't:


1. Are you volunteering to sort through and categorise 22 pages worth of recipes? I am :P

2. There is, in fact, a sandwiches thread.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby fishyfish777 » Mon Sep 22, 2008 3:34 am UTC

Situational Iron wrote:
Fishy's recipe for Win wrote:No cups water
2 big tofu cubes, the green-wrapped ones that largely state TOFU
Ground beef
Soy sauce
A pinch of sugar
A little salt
Some pepper
Pon-Zu (THAT IS THE KEY TASTE) It's spelled ポン酢, incase anyone has the Japanese language pack installed. Or Vistah.
Pon-zu Alternative: Somen soup, thinned out with water. (pronounced So - men as in ramen, but with a so like sow)
Green onions (they're looong and green and look like a bunch of tubes)


wheres the language pack for firefox, on an off note?


I think you have to install the keyboard layout and support for east asian languages in the regional settings in control panels, if you're in any Windowze prior to vista.
Linux? I don't know.

Anyway, another recipe.
[quote="double you eye gee you"]
Ingredients:
Taco shell
Hot dog
Macaroni and cheese
Salt & Pepper
Wigu spirit

Put hot dog in taco shell. Put mac & cheese on top. Add wigu spirit.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby quintopia » Mon Sep 22, 2008 3:32 pm UTC

hermaj wrote:1. Are you volunteering to sort through and categorise 22 pages worth of recipes?

In exchange for modly power on this forum? Sure!


Thanks! Re-posting!
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby PictureSarah » Mon Sep 22, 2008 4:02 pm UTC

So, I keep making this soup, and people keep liking it...

- 1 large sweet yellow onion
- 1/2 cup butter
- 3-4 cloves of garlic
- 3-4 teaspoons curry powder
- hot sauce or crushed red pepper
- 1 block of silken tofu
- 1 carton of light cream/half and half
- 1 yellow and 1 red or orange bell pepper
- 1 bunch of green onions
- 1 small can of tomato paste
- 1 bag of frozen sweetcorn
- Meat if desired
- Several pints of water

Dice onion and mince/press garlic and sautee in the butter in a large saucepan. If you are using meat, you should cut it into bite-sized pieces and sautee the meat too at this stage. Add the small can of tomato paste and mix until everything is coated. Add a bit of water if things are getting too dry and scorching, and add the curry and hot sauce. In a separate bowl, whisk the tofu and cream together until they're as smooth as possible, and set aside. Add the bell peppers. Sautee until everything is getting tender, then add the tofu and cream mixture as well as a few cups of water. Add some salt and pepper/more hot sauce/anything you need to give it a little kick. Add about half of the sweetcorn, and the green onions. Let simmer for a while, stirring regularly, until you feel like all the flavors are nice and integrated. Serve. If you're feeling fancy, you can put a dollop of cream in the top of each bowl and swirl it to make it look all pretty.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Decker » Mon Sep 22, 2008 4:14 pm UTC

PictureSarah wrote:So, I keep making this soup, and people keep liking it...

- 1 large sweet yellow onion
- 1/2 cup butter
- 3-4 cloves of garlic
- 3-4 teaspoons curry powder
- hot sauce or crushed red pepper
- 1 block of silken tofu
- 1 carton of light cream/half and half
- 1 yellow and 1 red or orange bell pepper
- 1 bunch of green onions
- 1 small can of tomato paste
- 1 bag of frozen sweetcorn
- Meat if desired
- Several pints of water


I like it already.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby PictureSarah » Mon Sep 22, 2008 4:55 pm UTC

Well, between the butter and the cream it's not exactly a diet soup...but it also has quite a bit of water in relation to those things. I usually make a really large pot...so I don't imagine it's a particularly bad-for-you soup, what with all the fresh veggies and tofu and such.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Decker » Mon Sep 22, 2008 4:57 pm UTC

PictureSarah wrote:Well, between the butter and the cream it's not exactly a diet soup...but it also has quite a bit of water in relation to those things. I usually make a really large pot...so I don't imagine it's a particularly bad-for-you soup, what with all the fresh veggies and tofu and such.

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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby 3fj » Wed Sep 24, 2008 10:50 am UTC

You made me want to cook soup, but i had none of your fancy ingredients, so i had to stick to "last of the veg" soup instead. Turned out alright, but cabbage is really not something you want to try and blend in a stick blender. Nor cook for an hour and a half.
So much better! So much fun! Let's start from scratch and blow up the sun!
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby King of Frogs » Sun Sep 28, 2008 1:42 pm UTC

King of Frogs' Tasty Chicken Satay wrote:
Ingredients
Stove top Cooking - Intermediate Difficulty
(I don't tend to measure my ingredients, but I'll do my best to give approximations. By these measurements this will feed 3, with a bit left over for seconds)

This isn't the kind of satay you get as a starter in restaurants, this is saucy and a proper filling meal.

- Half a large onion
- Garlic (I use about 5 or 6 cloves in a go, I'm a bit of a garlic fiend, but you can just use what you prefer)
- Ginger (Ginger is difficult to measure out, but I use about a 2cm cube. Again, this is just what I prefer)
- 4 or 5 Spring Onions
- Half a Fresh Chilli (you can use chilli powder or something else if you don't have chillies)
- Peanut Butter
- About 230g/1lb 8oz Ready-Chopped Chicken Breast (you can chop it yourself of course, but it's just easier this way)
- Soy Sauce
- Coriander
- Cumin Seed
- Pepper
- 200g/7oz Rice Noodles

Cooking

Chop up the onion and garlic, and shallow fry in a pan with olive oil (better for you and tastier than butter-frying IMO). Wait until caramelized and add the chicken, soy sauce and some cumin seed, if you are not used to using it, I suggest about a tablespoonful, you can taste the dish later on to see if you want more. Grind some pepper over the chicken and leave to cook through (never eat undercooked chicken!).

Next chop up the spring onions, chilli and ginger. In a bowl, mix up about 4 or 5 tablespoons of peanut butter into water until you can stir it easily. Add this and the spring onions, chilli and ginger into a second pan and cook on a medium heat until bubbling, but don't let it reduce too much, keep it topped up with a little water periodically. Taste the peanut butter mixture to see if it needs any more seasoning and add at your leisure, I like to use a bit of coriander, mustard seed, Tabasco and extra soy sauce.

When both sauce and chicken are ready, mix them together until the chicken is entirely covered. Boil the rice noodles and drain. Serve immediately, because it's so delicious!


Apologies if the recipe is a bit vague. Seriously one of my favourite meals ever. Writing this has actually made me extremely hungry, though that could be because I haven't eaten anything today...
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby kevinalle » Thu Oct 02, 2008 3:01 pm UTC

kevinalles FRIED BANANAS
Get a teflon pan, a bit of butter, one or two bananas cut transversally.
Melt butter in pan.
Add bananas, cook until brownish.
Turn over bananas, cook until brownish. Remove from pan.
Pour some syroup over it, a LOT of grated coconut.
Enjoy!


kevinalles GIANT PANCAKE
3 eggs for 2 people.
A glass of milk for each egg.
A bit of vanilla essence.
Fluor.
bananas
siroup
chocolate

Mix eggs milk and vanilla and add flour while mixing until dough gets thicker.
Get the biggest pan you have. No, the bigger one.
Put butter on it. and melt.
while (there is dough in the bowl) {
pour dough onto pan, until brownish.
turn over, until brownish
put it on a plate (at least as big as the pan)
}
cut bananas into slices, add syroup and melted chocolate.
Enjoy!!
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby carbohydrated » Sat Oct 04, 2008 12:45 pm UTC

Delicious Fried Noodles with Chicken:

For 2:
3 chicken breasts
2 packets Udon Noodles (preferrably the kind that doesn't come dried, but kind of soggy looking worms in plastic packaging)
Cabbage
2 Paprikas
Mushrooms
2 Shallots/ 1Onion

The sauce for the chicken:
1 tablespoon cooking wine
1 teaspoon chicken bullion
1 teaspoon sugar
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon oil
[For a vegetarian version, the chicken buillion can just be left out, and chicken can be replaced with eggplant, etc]

Cut the chicken into comfortable sized strips and put in the marinade at the beginning, so by the time you get around to frying them the flavor has absorbed.

The sauce for vegetables:
1 tablespoon cooking wine
1/2 tablespoon soy sauce
1 teaspoon hoisin sauce (clicky http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-hoisin-sauce.htm)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon sugar
1/4 teaspoon chicken buillion

Save this for later.

Now, chop the lettuce/paprika/shallots/onion into ~ 1 inch long slices, and quickly fry the shallots/onion in oil and set aside. Now, fry the chicken until it's cooked/slightly browned. Then, put the lettuce, paprika, shallots and other vegetables in the pan, throw in the sauce for the veggies and add a decent amount of water in there, then place the noodles ontop of the vegetables. Cover the pan. If the noodles are the kind that stick together and seem raw before cooking, the steam from the water will cook them quickly (they're super absorbent). Keep it covered and let it boil until the noodles loosen up, then mix the whole deal and throw in the chicken and you're done. :)

It's quick, relatively light and very easy to make.


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mmm. :)
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Decker » Mon Oct 06, 2008 5:23 pm UTC

This isn't a recipe so much as a request for one.

Does anyone know how Wegman's makes these?
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby niko7865 » Thu Oct 09, 2008 12:13 am UTC

Made these hamburger patties yesterday and I'm addicted, I've eaten four already today and I've only been awake for 7 hours.

Hamburger Patties wrote:2 lbs ground beef, drain if you just thawed it, we'll be adding plenty of liquids
1 egg, whipped
1/4-1/2 C. bread crumbs
1+ tsp balsamic vinegar
1+ tsp soy sauce
1+ Tbs bbq sauce
1/2+ Tbs minced garlic
1/2+ tsp garlic powder
1/2+ tsp ground pepper
1/2+ tsp dried onion (more for fresh onion)
1/2+ tsp dried parsley flakes
splash of milk to achieve correct wetness
salt to taste

Meat should stick together fairly well, add more milk/breadcrumbs if too dry/wet. Form them into balls and squash thinner and wider than you want them, as they will get taller and have a smaller diameter when cooked. Throw them into a hot pan with a bit of olive oil, cook until done.

The flavoring of the meat MAKES a hamburger. This recipe only works if you put sauces on your hamburger that compliment the flavors in this recipe.
Recommended Possibilities
* Ketchup
* Mustard
* Mayonnaise
* Lettuce
* Onions
* Cheddar or Swiss
* Tomato
* Hot Sauce
* Jalapeños

Not Recommended
* BBQ Sauce, tried it, it does NOT work, too much garlic in the meat I think
* Pickles
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Matsi » Fri Oct 10, 2008 1:19 pm UTC

Not an easy recipe, and very time consuming, but if you get the hang of it you can make excellent dumplings:

Dumplings wrote:250g flour
1/2 cup of water
1-2 tablespoon oil (i use olive, but any type will do)
pinch of salt

150g ground beef
1 onion
1 clove of garlic
1-2 tablespoon soy sauce
fresh peppers (as many as is your taste)
salt to taste
any other seasonings you like

1 cooking pan half full of stock (I use beef stock)

Mix the flour, salt, oil and water and knead until you have an elastic dough. Add water if it is too tough, flour if it feels wet.
Set aside with a clean, damp cloth covering it.

Mix the salt, beef, seasoning and soy sauce.
Fry the onions first, add garlic and peppers when onions start to go soft, then add beef mixture. Stir fry until the beef is all crumbly, but make sure not to fry for too long.

Break of a piece of dough, roll out into a circle, put a bit of the fried meat mixture in the middle and fold it closed. Repeat until out of meat or dough.

Cook dumplings for about 6-8 minutes in the stock. Let them dry for a minute on a plate. After that, you can eat them, or fry them in oil for a minute or so before eating, or freeze them. But if you freeze them, you will have to fry them after defrosting. Don't boil in stock a second time!
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Jebobek » Fri Oct 10, 2008 2:30 pm UTC

Easy to prepare, requires a bit of maintaining while it is being served.

Honeymustard creamcheese dip

1 Honeymustard containter. (Fancy, thick preferred. I suggest Honeycup)
1 Block of cream cheese (Philiadelphia)
1 Box of crunchy, salty crackers (Wheat thins)

1 Knife
1 Serving plate

Put open block on plate. Slather mustard on top. Should cover entire block. Make sure both are chilled. Spread crackers around very edge of plate.

Crackers are dipped into the chunk. Serves a medium party of snackers. Replaice exposed block with more honeymustard.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby podbaydoor » Fri Oct 10, 2008 3:30 pm UTC

@Matsi: Holy crap, those dumplings are so much more complicated than the dumplings I make.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby crowey » Fri Oct 10, 2008 4:00 pm UTC

crack biscuits:

2 egg whites
4oz butter (melted)
4oz caster sugar
2 oz self raising flour

Beat the sugar and egg whites together until smooth, stir in the butter and then the flour.
Dot teaspoons of the mixture onto greasproof paper on a baking tray (leave plenty of space for spreading out, when they cook, a teaspoon will become a biscuit about 3 inches wide), oven at 200oC for 10 minutes-until a lovely golden colour.
NB keep an eye on them, they burn very very quickly.
leave to cool and consume!

they are extra good covered with dark chocolate :mrgreen:

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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Rinsaikeru » Fri Oct 17, 2008 8:56 pm UTC

Here's a frequent recipe of mine. Saves on take-away costs. :D

Lemon Chicken sans Take Out

Ingredients:
3-4 Boneless chicken breasts (or 6-8 boneless chicken thighs)
Corn Starch
1 egg
1 Lemon
1 Clove Garlic
Ginger (if handy)
Green Onion (if handy)
I chilli pepper
Chicken Stock
Soy Sauce
Sugar (or honey)
Vegetable Oil

Method:

1. Combine Juice and zest of one lemon, 1/2 cup chicken stock, 1-2 tbsp of soy sauce, garlic, ginger, finely chopped chili, and 2-3 tbsp sugar (or honey). Set aside. In a measuring cup or mug combine 1/4 cup cornstarch with water till it's the consistency of milk.

2. Cut chicken into bitesize pieces.

3. Whisk egg and dip the chicken into the egg. (Usually I just dump all the chicken into the beaten egg and mix with my hands).

4. Dredge chicken in corn starch. (Shake off extreme excess but don't be too fidgety about it).

5. Heat 2-3 tbsp of oil in a large wok or skillet.

6. Cook chicken pieces on Medium in pan till cooked through and browned on outside.

7. Remove chicken and set aside.

8. Pour lemon sauce into pan. When it boils add the cornstarch mixture.

9. Add chicken back in and chopped green onion. Toss and warm through.

Eat quickly before scavengers/housemates arrive.

Rice Puddin.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Nath » Sat Oct 18, 2008 12:14 pm UTC

Khichdi, a simple but good Indian one-pot meal:

Ingredients
2/3 cups rice
1/3 cup lentils (I used red lentils; "masoor" at your local Indian grocery)
2.5 cups of water
A small onion
Some butter or oil for frying
A bit of ground cumin
Salt and pepper to taste
Any other spices and vegetables you feel like
(All these ingredient ratios are adjustable. This dish is hard to screw up.)

Method
Slice the onion into thin slivers, and brown. Really brown, not translucentify.
Add cumin and pepper.
Wash rice and lentils together. Add to pan. Stir it all together.
Add salt.
Add 2.5 cups of water, and any additional spices you want. (I used a bit of ground cloves. Garam masala is probably more common.)
This is also a good time to throw in some vegetables, if you want. Frozen peas, diced carrots, and/or cauliflower.
Stir it all together, cover, and let it simmer.
Check periodically. Turn off the heat when most of the water is absorbed and the rice feels done. Note that khichdi is supposed to be bit runny and mushy, like a risotto gone slightly wrong.

The four standard accompaniments are:
  • Yoghurt.
  • Papads (poppadums). You can microwave the ones from an Indian grocery, or perhaps substitute potato or tortilla chips.
  • Ghee (clarified butter). I skip this one, and instead use butter as the frying fat.
  • Indian pickles. Not related to those silly green things in vinegar. These are spicy, salty, oil-based pickles.
Also goes well with bhartas, thick dips made of mashed vegetables. Cook, peel, and mash a vegetable; add diced onions, garlic, green chillies, salt, and mustard oil (magic ingredient). Try it with tomatoes, eggplants (think baba ganoush), or potatoes (basically north Indian mashed potatoes).
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby TodayIsTomorrow » Sat Oct 18, 2008 9:25 pm UTC

I figure I'll throw a little recipe into here that I enjoy very much. Its a desert and can be anywhere from sweet to having a deep flavor. Its right horrible to clean the dishes after its served, but it makes a splash and is really ridiculously easy to make.

One banana per person, sliced in to strips long ways.
Around a cup of butter.
Around a cup of sugar.
Bottle of Rum.
Pan large enough to fit the banana slices into.

Alright, so the first thing you need to do is figure out how thick you want the banana slices. Thicker strips will make the end result softer and more fruity, thin strips will make an almost crispy treat. Once you slice the bananas, warm up the pan and melt the rum, butter and sugar together in it. Once the sugar is completely dissolved in the butter, you'll need to heat it up until it is slightly browning and then drop the heat down to low, just enough to keep the mixture from hardening. Take your banana slices and lay them flat in the mixture and flip often until the banana begins to brown. At this point you can take the slices out or leave them in to brown longer and soften the banana further or crisp it up completely.

After the bananas are cooked, and while still warm, sprinkle rum over top of them and light while serving for flambee, or if no fire is wanted, sprinkle for flavor.

Variations are the thickness of the bananas and how brown you let the mixture get before browning the bananas. The lighter the mixture is, the sweeter the flavor will be. If you let it get dark, it will taste like the caramel you put on flan. Its just a matter of preference.

The way I do it is to let the mixture get brown, but still see-thru and use quarter slices of the banana so that they cook through rather quickly, but are still soft on the inside.

I know its not a set-in-stone recipe, seeing as its one I made up, but I've done it and you can only really cock it up if you let the mixture go too long in the pan, like if you're making a whole lot of this. The mixture is usually good for about three bananas worth until it gets too darkened and starts tasting too bitter. Captain Morgan's rum is great for this, especially if you can find the coconut flavored one.

Cheers
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby podbaydoor » Tue Oct 21, 2008 9:34 pm UTC

Garnaches:

Fry some small tortillas.
Shred some cabbage. Sprinkle with a capful of vinegar.
Heat some beans and mash with a fork until gooey. Or open a can of refried beans.
Spread tortillas with beans, top with cabbage.
Sprinkle with shredded cheese. Squirt some ketchup or salsa on top.
Eat. Repeat.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby sindustries » Wed Oct 22, 2008 9:18 pm UTC

Super Easy Brats and Sauerkraut

Ingredients: 1 beer, 2 brats, sauerkraut, cheese, hot dog buns

Pour beer in small saucepan, and put in brats and sauerkraut. Cook over medium heat until beer boils away. This takes a while, though you could probably speed it up by drinking some of the beer beforehand, so that there's less to boil away. :D Cook a bit more to brown the brats, but watch that the kraut doesn't burn. Put some cheese in a hot dog bun, add your brats, and cover with the sauerkraut. Add ketchup, or whatever you like.


I haven't experimented with very many beers yet. I've just done it with Pilsner Urquell and Miller Lite, and the Miller Lite Kraut tasted a bit better.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Nath » Sun Oct 26, 2008 12:39 pm UTC

Anyone else using this thread as a repository of successful experiments?

Braised beef

Salt and pepper a cheap cut of meat (I used bottom round). Brown it for a few minutes, and let it sit on a plate.
In the same pan, throw in some diced onions, celery and carrots. I used a roughly 2:1:1 ratio. Throw in a little salt and cook for a while.
Add some diced garlic, and cook for another minute or so.
Return the meat to the pan, including the juices that have probably come out.
Add your braising liquid. I used water, part of a bouillon cube, and a bit of tomato paste. The meat will release some liquid, so don't add too much.
Add your flavourings. I used dried thyme, oregano and pepper.
Stir and simmer on low till meat reaches desired texture. This'll take a couple of hours, so go do your laundry.
(At this point, if you want the sauce thicker, you can take out the meat and reduce it. Mine was about right, so I was ready to eat.)
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby malex » Mon Nov 03, 2008 4:45 pm UTC

Dice up onions, green peppers, bacon. Cook some rice and get two eggs and a slice of chedder.

Toss bacon into pan and cook till its cooked.

toss in onions and green peppers until they're cooked

toss in a bowl of rice until its all mixed nicely

crack two eggs into the mixture and cook until the egg is done

add a slice of chedder cheese and mix until its melted

Yum.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby nysha » Tue Nov 04, 2008 5:44 pm UTC

Taco Beans for 1

1 cup dried beans - I use 1/2 c black beans, 1/4 c pinto, 1/4 dark red kidney
1 package taco seasoning

Soak beans overnight, drain & rinse.
Throw in crock pot & cover with water 2 inches above the beans.
Stir in taco seasoning.
Cook on low for 8-9 hours.
Top with cheese & sour cream.

If I'm home early, I'll throw in a bit of chopped onion, green pepper, or tomato
and cook on high for 1/2 hour.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Gojoe » Tue Nov 11, 2008 7:00 am UTC

OK, I have a feeling this is not the place to post, but I could not find the equivalent of the what book is this thread for food. When I was a kid, I used to make with my mother what we called "Rock candy" but it wasn't this
Spoiler:
Image


From what I can remember it was pretty much corn syrup, mixed with flavoring and food coloring, then spread over a cooking tray, then let to set. I assume that their was more than that though. And I can not remember what the hell it was. Anyone here have any idea? It was easy enough to make that when I was like 10 I could make it. I would ask my mother, but she is currently in France with no phone.

Oh, and after it was cooled, we had to break it off the pan, and it would look like broken glass (and was delicious!)

Anyway, if you know what it is I am rambling about, please help me out. Otherwise, if their is a better thread for this, please let me know. Thanks!

-Gojoe
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I really only do it to aid you.
*Various positive comments on your masculinity
That continue on into infinity*

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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Alpha Omicron » Tue Nov 11, 2008 6:56 pm UTC

Note that the type of 'rock candy' shown in the image in Gojoe's post is AWESOME!
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