Shoofle wrote:<critic>Amusing, but it appears to have MS Paint gunk on it...</critic>
Tropylium wrote:Mehâ€¦ lame punchlines or execution. Usually not both however, which is rather promising. I'm reminded of the very erliest BTC comics.
#19: Ow. That's way too contrived a pun. At least skip the "he dreamed about the cuffs" twist and just have all caracters be household items anyway.
#18: Easily the best one here so far. I'd only suggest "not valid" in place of "no value", but even that might be just to taste.
#17: If Jesus ever had a son, he likely did not wear a T-shirt. Nor bragged about him, really; and if that were meant in a "our father thy art in heaven" sense, then the crucification wouldn't make senseâ€¦ egh. Some jonkes just can't be made work.
#16: Facial expressions (or, well, the art in general) need work, but script's OK otherwise.
#15: Do not get.
#14: Needs to be clearer on the point that nobody's going to be the master; currently it looks like it's just a lame party that no one came to. Also, the smaller guy looks like a kid in comparision to the bigger, which is a bit creepy.
#12: Violence is not a punchline. Also, trying to combine the "arse-on" and "covering their own ass" puns in a single strip does not really work.
#11: I don't really get itâ€¦ is this supposed to be nonsense or politics? Or just fugly skeletons?
#10: Instead of just showing the final results, this could use a shot of the officials (?) walking away, relieved, as the elephant stumbles off the roof and towards the school bus.
#9: Is there a punchline in here somewhere?
#8: If she's out of business, how come she still has the stall and lemonade?
#7: Suffers from the fact that you can't see the smaller guy dorkily grinning in panel 2. I suggest investing in filters.
#6: So the guy in gray is a teacher or something? I kinda suspect that a student wouldn't use such a line in that situation.
#5: The current version is kinda torn due to the fact that actually hearing one's mom call would usually result in anwering. Dialog improovment suggestion: "You don't dare to spend the night here? What are you, a wimp?" - "Uh, no, Iâ€¦ just heard my mom calling for meâ€¦" - "Dude, what are you, 12? Also, your mom died three years ago." (Except she's rising from the grave behind the others.)
#4: The idea is good; however, kaleidoscopes usually don't come in suitcases. If you drew its view better it'd probably be identifiable a k.scope without that unnecessary tidbit. (Also, shouldn't the view be purple-dominated rather than blue-dominated, as that's the background color?)
#3: Curse my inadequat Latin skills.
#2: Again, the idea is good, but instead of the post-punchline shock panel I'd have gone for an additional setup panel instead. Also, cement takes a lot of time to pour in (and this does not really feel like a Girly-esq "I happened to have a cement truck in my purse" scenario)- so maybe the "Jon can't swim" note should have come from a new caracter. No, wait, that doesn't work; how'd xe kno' it was Jon there? â€¦ OK, so better suggestion: "Isn't that well dry?"
#1: Makes absolutely no sense.
Art looks rushed too (esp. givn all the copypastas), but by the look of #18 you could do much better if you took the time.
Users browsing this forum: Slageammalymn and 3 guests