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'The Daily Felstaff' - guess who hasn't updated their photobucket account!

Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 12:15 pm UTC
by Felstaff
Hello, in a blatant abuse of my Moderator's Powers, I am going to sticky my own topic in Your Art & Links until a different, more responsible moderator comes and un-stickies it.

I run a Daily Newspaper, called the Daily Felstaph. It runs every day, and is currently on its seventeenth Issue, having celebrated its four month birthday last Tuesday. You can read the Daily Felstaph here. However it is in an unmoderated forum that you need to apply for The Truly Free ). You can read all the way up to issue #20 there, whereas here it's intentionally a few issues behind (Currently #17). (Also free bonus supplement: The Felsport!)

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Felsport #1
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Felsport #2
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Issue #1
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Issue #2
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Issue #3: (NSFW)
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Issue #4
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Issue #5
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Issue #6
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Issue #7
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Issue #8
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Issue #9
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Issue #10
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Issue #11
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Issue #12
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Issue #13
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Issue #14
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Issue #15
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Issue #16
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Issue #17
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____________________________________

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Rickets
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I need to search where the sun don't shine.
Blagging
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It's me, drowning_in_tears. Remember? You wrote a comment on my livejournal entry about how I was planning to kill my mom for making me tidy my room.
Being John Malkovich Is Coming Out Tomorrow
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Wait, today is March 16th, 2000, right?
1.337% Blood-Alcohol Concentration
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Proved by Shientishts
Grownups
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Jesus, I thought that was a mop. That explains its aversion to detergent...
Qwantz/xkcd Mash-Up
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Ah, but which author penned the alternative title text? WE JUST DO NOT KNOW.
Robot War
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Yeah, I scared the shit out of him by replacing the Windows default beep sound to "hal.wav"
Rulebook
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I think you'll find it's a boomerang. And, hey, don't you ever knock?
Typewriter
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PPS: This thing doesn't even have   driversplanet.com   USB 1.0 support
Stapler
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At least the beret is still attached. I also "fixed" your ceiling cat problem.
Misquoted
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'Why are you protesting?' 'He just discovered a cure for cancer'
Hamster
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Dammit, what the hell did I just say?
Scrabble
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It was all fun and games until grandma picked out PRNSTAR
Flow Chart
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I immediately regretted the decision to ask my family how to use flow charts
I Am Not A Motorcyclist
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The sad thing is, I just wanted to tell you I've bought you motorcycling lessons. ...Why the hell do you have that thing in the house, anyway?

Re: The Daily Felstaph

Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 1:22 pm UTC
by Moo
As a totally inbiased (and unbribed) member of the public I can honestly say that the Daily Felstaph is the best news source I have read and that its editor is a handsome and intelligent man of unquestionable integrity and you should read it because it changed my life and can change yours too oh and you should join FaiD.


Is that how you wanted it, Mr Felstaff sir? Can I have my kitty back now please? Please don't hurt him

Re: The Daily Felstaph

Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 1:25 pm UTC
by existential_elevator
Wonderful! A delight! Five Stars! - The Unprompted Reader

Re: The Daily Felstaph

Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 1:54 pm UTC
by Felstaff
See, ladies and gentlemen? The previous two posters proves the following comic:

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Re: The Daily Felstaph

Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 2:49 pm UTC
by I Am Raven
Hahaha, that was worth every second I spent reading it!

Re: The Daily Felstaph

Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 2:54 pm UTC
by Artemisia
Teh Daily Felstaph, it ROCKS!

Re: The Daily Felstaph

Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 3:23 pm UTC
by felltir
I, as someone who has NEVER BEEN MENTIONED EVER in this paper, heartily approve.

Re: The Daily Felstaph

Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 9:23 pm UTC
by The Hyphenator
Felstaff wrote:So we can all agree that, mostly, it's just lies, really. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer, is no.
ISWYDT!

Re: The Daily Felstaph

Posted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 2:47 pm UTC
by Cheese
I've subscribed, and I get my Daily Felstaph delivered daily!

...the paper boy's not half out of breath when he delivers it, though. What's his round like?

Re: 'The Daily Felstaph' & Other Folly

Posted: Sun Oct 19, 2008 4:33 pm UTC
by Felstaff
Oh, hello.

I've edited the initial post to contain all my entries to Saladin's Thread. For posterity, mainly, and so I can see what I've done, thus eliminating any repetition.

Not just a hat-stand, my friend.

On another note, I fired the paperboy. He came up with some nonsense about how his bike can't simply cross the Atlantic Ocean four times a day. So I burned him on a pyre.

Re: 'The Daily Felstaph' & Other Folly

Posted: Sun Oct 19, 2008 11:59 pm UTC
by Jack Saladin
*steals ur image*

Re: 'The Daily Felstaph' & Other Folly

Posted: Mon Oct 20, 2008 11:34 am UTC
by I Am Raven
Felstaff wrote:I've edited the initial post to contain all my entries to Saladin's Thread. For posterity, mainly, and so I can see what I've done, thus eliminating any repetition.

Not just a hat-stand, my friend.

Yay!

Re: 'The Daily Felstaph' & Other Folly

Posted: Mon Oct 20, 2008 2:47 pm UTC
by existential_elevator
I still don't know why the Felstaph is giving me cancer :x

Re: 'The Daily Felstaph' & Other Folly

Posted: Tue Oct 21, 2008 7:10 pm UTC
by Cheese
existential_elevator wrote:I still don't know why the Felstaph is giving me cancer :x
That would be due to the unique CancerPaperTM * on which it is printed, giving YOU cancer without all the fuss and bother of being exposed to radioactive sources or ingesting carcinogens!

*This product may give you cancer. This product may be illegal in some/all countries and/or states which you live in. This product is not for sale, and probably shouldn't be used. However, it's pretty cheap, and tastes quite nice.

Re: 'The Daily Felstaph' & Other Folly

Posted: Tue Oct 21, 2008 7:17 pm UTC
by I Am Raven
How convenient!

Re: 'The Daily Felstaph' & Other Folly

Posted: Tue Oct 21, 2008 8:33 pm UTC
by LE4dGOLEM
Also if it bites you you become a superhero.

Re: 'The Daily Felstaph' & Other Folly

Posted: Tue Oct 21, 2008 8:36 pm UTC
by I Am Raven
That's how Fellstaff found the cancer cure. He was printing his newspapers and got cancer. Next thing he knew he was bitten, became a superhero and thus could survive cancer!*

*It's true!

Re: 'The Daily Felstaph' & Other Folly

Posted: Tue Oct 21, 2008 8:52 pm UTC
by LE4dGOLEM
Just like spiderman can survive vicious spider attacks!

Re: 'The Daily Felstaph' & Other Folly

Posted: Wed Oct 22, 2008 4:38 pm UTC
by I Am Raven
Indeed so!

Re: 'The Daily Felstaph' & Other Folly

Posted: Sat Oct 25, 2008 7:23 pm UTC
by RealGrouchy
This was a very entertaining waste of my time. Thanks!

- RG>

Re: 'The Daily Felstaph' & Other Folly

Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 1:57 pm UTC
by Coin
This looks entertaining. I shall read it as soon as I get home.

Re: 'The Daily Felstaph' & Other Stickies

Posted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 10:51 pm UTC
by wst
I laughed until my neck clicked... now I'm in hospital surrounded by buxom nurses.

I won't be posting for a while *closes curtains*

Re: 'The Daily Felstaph' & Other Stickies

Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 2:42 pm UTC
by bigglesworth
I'll be in my bunk.

Re: 'The Daily Felstaph' & Other Stickies

Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 10:15 pm UTC
by 4=5
it's a very punctual daily paper

Re: 'The Daily Felstaph' & Other Stickies

Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 10:49 pm UTC
by Coin
Absolutley, but I'm a bit confused about the transdimentional schedual it is on. I've managed to calculate which planet it will be using as a temporal node for most issues (using the charts you got with the collectors edition of Issue Nr. 3) and it's never been late!

Re: 'The Daily Felstaph' & Other Stickies

Posted: Wed Dec 17, 2008 6:40 pm UTC
by PatchMonster
Issue #11 made me giggle like a little girl :oops: .

Re: 'The Daily Felstaph' & Other Stickies

Posted: Sun Dec 21, 2008 1:53 pm UTC
by Cheese
*considers reporting the thread*

...nah. As long as the Felstaph continues to get printed (hint hint, Felstaff), I'm fine with the sticky. Not that I could do anything about it, like.

Re: 'The Daily Felstaph' & Other Stickies

Posted: Tue Jan 13, 2009 5:43 am UTC
by roc314
I am severely disappointed. I came here to see Fellstaff's latest addition to making xkcd slightly worse (the Calvin and Hobbes one, for posterity) without the effort of looking through a few posts in that other thread, and what do I notice? That it is not here. I know, that's outrageous, right? Indeed! Which it is why it is now fixed.

Felstaff, your stuff is too funny to rot in obscure corners of the fora; we need it here so we can always get our Felstaff fix without any hassle whatsoever.

EDIT: Also, it's too much effort to praise Felstaff in the Making xkcd slightly worse thread. The quoting for context, it is hard.

Re: 'The Daily Felstaph' & Other Stickies

Posted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 2:32 am UTC
by Bobber
Issue 19 makes me proud to be a Dane.

Re: 'The Daily Felstaff' Rebranded to hide lack of content!

Posted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 10:14 am UTC
by Maseiken
"This [...] is [...] excellent [...] thing [...] five [...] stars[...]!" - Real anonymous celebrity who wishes to remain anonymous, and factual.

Re: 'The Daily Felstaff' Rebranded to hide lack of content!

Posted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 8:40 am UTC
by HighCharity
Sledding discussion makes me sad. :(

Re: 'The Daily Felstaff' Rebranded to hide lack of content!

Posted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:16 am UTC
by Felstaff
Me too! Partly because I used to anthropomorphise my own collection of teddy bears to the point where they would become my extended family.

I mean... I never did such a thing. Isn't that right, Fun Time Bouncin' Tigger?

Re: 'The Daily Felstaff' Rebranded to hide lack of content!

Posted: Thu Apr 02, 2009 3:20 am UTC
by HighCharity
Felstaff wrote:Me too! Partly because I used to anthropomorphise my own collection of teddy bears to the point where they would become my extended family.

I mean... I never did such a thing. Isn't that right, Fun Time Bouncin' Tigger?

I don't do that. I look down my nose at you. Both of us do.

Re: 'The Daily Felstaff' Rebranded to hide lack of content!

Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 9:34 pm UTC
by Cheese
If the sig picture's going to change, I'm going to start expecting issues again. I've paid every subscription yet, and not seen a Daily Felstaph come through my door in as many months.

Re: 'The Daily Felstaff' Rebranded to hide lack of content!

Posted: Mon Apr 20, 2009 3:57 am UTC
by Bakemaster
I... I agrrrr... agree wieuouuuu...

Agrreoahgh...


I AGREE WITH CHEESE

Re: 'The Daily Felstaff' Rebranded to hide lack of content!

Posted: Thu Apr 23, 2009 7:22 am UTC
by '; DROP DATABASE;--
Cheese wrote:If the sig picture's going to change, I'm going to start expecting issues again. I've paid every subscription yet, and not seen a Daily Felstaph come through my door in as many months.
Yeah. WE WANT MOAR. WE WANT MOAR.

Re: 'The Daily Felstaff' Rebranded to hide lack of content!

Posted: Sun May 17, 2009 7:53 am UTC
by d33p
It's my first time here.
WHY?! Why hasn't anyone said, "d33p, you really need to check this out..." ?
I am amazed, guffawing, and otherwise chortly amused.

Re: 'The Daily Felstaff' Rebranded to hide lack of content!

Posted: Sat Jun 13, 2009 11:18 pm UTC
by Vanguard
Witty, I must say.

But I must admit, most of it is tl;dr. I enjoy the headlines but the articles themselves, eh. Am I missing much or are they just ramblings?

Re: 'The Daily Felstaff' Rebranded to hide lack of content!

Posted: Sun Jun 14, 2009 6:12 pm UTC
by kaitou
'; DROP DATABASE;-- wrote:
Cheese wrote:If the sig picture's going to change, I'm going to start expecting issues again. I've paid every subscription yet, and not seen a Daily Felstaph come through my door in as many months.
Yeah. WE WANT MOAR. WE WANT MOAR.

The populace has spoken! Your prodigious, pedantical printings are past due and eagerly awaited for perusal. Your subscribers are salivating for more of your scintillating, spendorous speculations on slouchers, slumbering sloths and other scallawags. Make merry the miens of the myriad of morigerate minions with your mythical musings.

So, scurry off to your scriptorium and scratch out a scathing scripture!


Besides, my budgie is in severe need of a new cage liner.

Re: 'The Daily Felstaff' Rebranded to hide lack of content!

Posted: Thu Aug 13, 2009 10:26 am UTC
by jennyfifi
Take that, you sweet thing!