Kewangji wrote:I stopped reading when I got to the point (page 3, chapter 1, a leaf something or other) where the cat's curiosity was peaked, rather than piqued. Not that that's a terrible mistake to make, and normally I don't care, but I was already unimpressed with the writing.
Mostlynormal wrote:I for one, read through and loved it. I'm generally not a good judge on writing so I couldn't say one way or the other as far as that, but I enjoyed the story and the artwork is beautiful.
poxic wrote:I like the presentation -- the art is gorgeous. I would recommend sending the story (without art) to a professional editor, or a good and reliable amateur one. Your writing ability is very good, but the text itself needs some tightening. The usual advice in writing is "show don't tell". You have a fair amount of the opposite going on, which is disappointing when the plot and presentation are so promising.
Don't give up, please. Your work is creative and cool. Work with an editor on making the story more readily engaging for the reader*. This usually requires swallowing some ego, but the results are always worth it.
* I found my interest waning after the first chapter because of the volume of internal dialogue from the narrator, for example. Internal dialogue is very difficult to make interesting, especially since we all remember being (or are) teenagers when we wrote stories with 90% internal dialogue.
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