Awesome Teacher Quotes

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ubergeek09
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby ubergeek09 » Wed Dec 17, 2008 4:45 am UTC

Not really a teacher quote, but my Principles of Engineering teacher was insane. We took field trips in school vans by just piling our entire class into one van. When we got there (ushually to tour a factory) we honestly looked like people getting out of a clown car. The vans had two rows of seats then students just sat on each other in the back of the van.
I also remember while touring one of the factories (led by the owner of the factory) he talked about how it was too expensive to replace some of the people in factory with machines....for now. But later they would. It was funny in a sad way. Everyone at that factory just looked like they wanted to kill themselves
It sucks now, he doesn't teach anymore. He was the physics teacher and the teacher we have now doesn't know shit. In the Principles of Engineering class I had with the teacher stated above we had an overview of vectors for a week. I learned more in that week than in my entire physics class. Sad, and funny that teacher is now a principle for the middle school.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby -KF- » Fri Dec 19, 2008 12:23 am UTC

My third year Latin teacher loved to give people really obscure hints if they were completely lost on a meaning. Once somebody could not remember mare (sea), so he said something about West Side Story. A little later, he is back on West Side Story, and says

"How is it that this guy walks into a Hispanic neighborhood, yells 'Maria!' and only one person looks out the window?"

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby squarg » Fri Dec 19, 2008 4:44 am UTC

My teacher wrote both "WTF?" and "Oh god no!" on my AP chemistry reactions flow chart.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby She » Sat Dec 20, 2008 9:15 pm UTC

"No, that was not me who said that, and not Plato either. Actually, rather the other way around."
-My Swedish teacher, who greets the class with "Shut up, gentlemen!"

"Well, I suppose you could put your cute little mouse in a vacuum pump, but..."
-My Physics teacher, who has dismissed as well antimatter, black holes, lenses that are neither convex or concave as the absolute zero (0 K) with "it just gets very weird and unpleasant".

"Well, this is obvious to you. Y'all know the coke doesn't end up on top of the liquor in the grog*. They mix."
-My Chemistry teacher.

*Swedish grog, that is: Third paragraph.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby keith_ » Mon Dec 22, 2008 1:17 am UTC

these are all quotes from my first physics professor, after taking his university physics I and II classes physics became my major:

prof. Benzi- "there is a more succinct way to ecplain this using only four words."
student - "Newton said so. . ?"
Benzi - "no, thats only three words, Newton fucking said so"

"so if i put =mg why am i wrong. . . wait, lets place the blame where it belongs, why ar you wrong?"

"what were the three basic quantities we needed to define physics? time, distance, and mass. . . Apparently we fucked up."

"Time travel occurs all the time. just not in the way we would want, which is backwards."

"so we've taken some sort of LSD that lets us see magnetic and electric fields. . . Maybe you should try this. video tape it, bring it in, i'll give you extra credit"

"don't let stupid shit confuse you"

"imaginary numbers are unacceptable because what does that mean? that would mean, if i pulled this mass on this spring then let go, the mass would blink out of existence"

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby ibtrippen » Mon Dec 22, 2008 1:54 am UTC

"As you add more groups the pKa acts just like the stock market: it's going down."
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Tue Dec 23, 2008 12:16 am UTC

keith_ wrote:these are all quotes from my first physics professor, after taking his university physics I and II classes physics became my major:

prof. Benzi- "there is a more succinct way to ecplain this using only four words."
student - "Newton said so. . ?"
Benzi - "no, thats only three words, Newton fucking said so"

"so if i put =mg why am i wrong. . . wait, lets place the blame where it belongs, why ar you wrong?"

"what were the three basic quantities we needed to define physics? time, distance, and mass. . . Apparently we fucked up."

"Time travel occurs all the time. just not in the way we would want, which is backwards."

"so we've taken some sort of LSD that lets us see magnetic and electric fields. . . Maybe you should try this. video tape it, bring it in, i'll give you extra credit"

"don't let stupid shit confuse you"

"imaginary numbers are unacceptable because what does that mean? that would mean, if i pulled this mass on this spring then let go, the mass would blink out of existence"

Cool physics prof :lol:
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Shakleton » Tue Dec 23, 2008 1:40 pm UTC

keith_ wrote:prof. Benzi- "there is a more succinct way to ecplain this using only four words."
student - "Newton said so. . ?"
Benzi - "no, thats only three words, Newton fucking said so"

That's a really cool quote! You have one really awesome physics professor there!
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Shad0wblade2 » Tue Dec 23, 2008 5:56 pm UTC

We have this tech teacher who is really cool, he lets us do anything inside his classes.

Theres this jock-wanna be that nobody likes, and everyone picks on him.

So this one day, we were doing a project when he was bugging us all by wasting the teachers time. So when he left the room, we lightly beat him (gogo school spirit!). When he got back, he yelled at the top of his lungs to get everyones attention: BRADY!!!!!!!!!!. We all looked at him like we were going to get in trouble, and he says: " Stop getting beat up"

He also brought water balloons into class one day to throw at him if he wouldn't sit down.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby LISStryfe » Wed Dec 24, 2008 4:03 am UTC

My senior year of high school, I took Sci-Fi Fiction as a course. Sci-Fi in our school was a "School-Level" course, meaning it was dumb freak'n simple. I also took Regents-level Shakespeare. The teacher there was Mr. Al Stein. Now, this was 1999, and at the time, the TV game show "Win Ben Stein's Money" was popular, so on the campus TV network, we made a parody - "Win Al Stein's Honey". That was just his way. Of course, Al was thrilled to have someone who not only could rattle the names of Star Trek episodes off in order and actually knew who Harlan Ellison was, unlike most of his students who were... eh-em, less academically gifted. I learned more about hard Sci-Fi, thought about intriguing concepts, and raised his classes GPA. In exchange, I gave him tons of MST3K copies (Back when trading the tapes was still encouraged) and introduced him to Anime - we watched the whole of Neon Genesis Evangelion on VHS after class sessions with a group of other students.

In my HS year book, he signed it "Enjoy being the geek." It's something I've striven to live up to. Being the president of the campus RPG club as an undergrad and a librarian now, I think I can say I've achieved that.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Harq » Wed Dec 24, 2008 5:44 am UTC

A quote from my German teacher (He happens to be one of the coolest teachers in the school)
"that's the wonderful thing about german; you don't know what they're doing with their pants till the very end."

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Shakleton » Thu Dec 25, 2008 12:34 pm UTC

Harq wrote:A quote from my German teacher (He happens to be one of the coolest teachers in the school)
"that's the wonderful thing about german; you don't know what they're doing with their pants till the very end."

Well, now I'm curious about the context!

(As I am always. I've this big thing going on where I want to know from everybody who has German in school or visited Germany some time ago what their opinions and impressions are/were. It's interesting because you get quite different views of the same thing.)
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Sat Dec 27, 2008 12:18 am UTC

I would guess the context is that we put the infinit verb forms (infinitives and past participles) at the end of the sentence, and in dependent clauses even the finit verb form. A sample sentence structure involving pants: Wir haben unsere Hosen am Montag Abend im Garten auf den Gartentischen mit dem neuen Bügeleisen ganz glatt gebügelt. = Wir have our pants on Monday evening in the garden on the garden tables with the new iron very smoothly ironed.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Shakleton » Sat Dec 27, 2008 12:39 pm UTC

Monika wrote:I would guess the context is that we put the infinit verb forms (infinitives and past participles) at the end of the sentence, and in dependent clauses even the finit verb form. A sample sentence structure involving pants: Wir haben unsere Hosen am Montag Abend im Garten auf den Gartentischen mit dem neuen Bügeleisen ganz glatt gebügelt. = Wir have our pants on Monday evening in the garden on the garden tables with the new iron very smoothly ironed.

Sounds pretty plausible. I am so happy I didn't have to learn German as a foreign language. :D

Oh, and Monika:
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Sat Dec 27, 2008 2:21 pm UTC

Shakleton wrote:Sounds pretty plausible. I am so happy I didn't have to learn German as a foreign language. :D

Me too :lol: I don't think I could have done it. Only Russian and Latin seem similarly complicated to me.

Oh, and Monika: Would you please be so kind and change your signature, now that christmas is over? Because if I hear that song ONE MORE FRIGGIN TIME, I think I might not make it to 2009

Ooohkay, before you and DubioserKerl commit suicide for seeing my signature I shall change it right now :) .
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby abrenecki » Mon Dec 29, 2008 9:25 am UTC

I had a Year 11 Chem teacher, who I think I quoted here before, who describes... redox, I think, as a wife-swapping orgy. Good times.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby GBog » Tue Dec 30, 2008 3:58 am UTC

An oldie I suddenly remembered for some reason:

One day, the Science class had covered blood types, and had tested the blood type of some of the students. The teacher had also talked about how the blood types are inherited. The next day:

Girl: Teacher, what you taught us yesterday was wrong. I asked my parents, and while my father has type A and my mother has type 0, I've got type B!*)
Teacher: Random mutations do occur...

She wrote:-My Swedish teacher, who greets the class with "Shut up, gentlemen!"

Please tell me he's got a scanian accent. That phrase just sounds so great in my head. "Hold käft, mine härrar!" (or something like that. I can't write Swedish.)

*)I can't remember the exact combination here, but something like that.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby EvilDuckie » Tue Dec 30, 2008 3:02 pm UTC

My highschool "Religion" teacher, Mr Stap, had a lot of worthwile quotes, but unfortunately most do not translate well from Dutch to English. One that I'll always remember is his approach to a test: "Listen up everybody, I'll be giving a test next week, so here are the questions... [list of 10 questions], and these are the answers I expect you to give: [list of the 10 appropriate answers]".

Later in college I had a teacher with a similar approach for Electronic Image Processing. He was on loan from the Graphics Design school next door, but since that was a lower level school, all of his classes and tests were designed for that lower level and thus comparatively easy to us. On top of that, he didn't like to teach, instead his classes were mainly about doing fun stuff with Photoshop, digital cameras and stuff. So normally a week before tests, he'd come up with stacks of photocopies and went through them like: "I'll ask something about page 16, and the second paragraph on page 18, and page 19...". Pretty much everybody aced his tests, which he was totally cool about. School officials weren't and they told him his tests were too easy. He later told us he'd replied to that with: "my tests aren't too easy, my students are just that good"

Ah, good memories... My English teacher going: "Oh, I don't feel like teaching today, let's watch Monty Python!". In fact, most of the English teachers were like that...
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Tue Dec 30, 2008 11:17 pm UTC

We had a history and German teacher who preferred watching Simpsons with his classes.

I only had German with him, but the students who had him for history claim they only ever learned about tanks and army uniforms.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Tue Dec 30, 2008 11:34 pm UTC

GBog wrote:Girl: Teacher, what you taught us yesterday was wrong. I asked my parents, and while my father has type A and my mother has type 0, I've got type B!

Even more likely than that her father is not her father / she is adopted is that at least one of them doesn't know his or her blood group properly. My husband kept telling me he had B-. Impossible as his parents have the usual A and 0, and extremely rare, too. Well, now he got tested and has A+, very common.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Aenima427 » Wed Dec 31, 2008 4:56 am UTC

"For some reason, archeology attracts weirdos" -- Dr. Alexia Smith, ANTH 1500, Great Discoveries in Archeology, University of Connecticut

This one made me laugh and I actually wrote it down in my notes :lol:

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Jos » Fri Jan 02, 2009 1:58 am UTC

My swedish teacher always starts with saying silentium! or occationally to read 10-15 min from the raven (by poe) and making late people fil in the blanks she leaves

Good thing I like poe!
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby chewey » Fri Jan 02, 2009 4:36 am UTC

My german teacher on what actually gets accomplished at after school meetings

"Let's just say I'd rather slam my penis in a car door."

God I love that guy

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby mmx49 » Fri Jan 02, 2009 5:34 am UTC

A math professor to his calculus II class on what to expect from the intro to proofs course:

"Misery."

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Torben » Fri Jan 02, 2009 1:13 pm UTC

"Screw maths, let's watch a film. City of God or Valiant."

"You are like an ice berg. 1 tenth of sensibility with 9 tenths of pure pillockry concealed beneath."
1101010111111110001111001111111 - tell me if you get it...

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Fri Jan 02, 2009 2:01 pm UTC

mmx49 wrote:A math professor to his calculus II class on what to expect from the intro to proofs course:

"Misery."

:lol:

I think every student of math or computer science will agree.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby trvsdrlng » Sat Jan 03, 2009 7:25 pm UTC

Here's some quotes from various professors:

Dr. Purcell, Human Geography: "Do you want to eke out a living with a small stick and a hoe?"

Dr. Abraham, Physics II: (going over the class rules) "And the last one is no electronic devices. No iPods, no cell phones, no laptops. *300 students groan* I know, I know... I like looking at porn as much as the rest of you, but if you're in the third row, it's just too distracting!"

Dr. Kloesel, Meteorology I: "If someone asks you about a busted forecast, tell them it's cause the solar constant's not constant."

Dr. Campbell, Intro to Psychology: (after class, I had gone to ask her a question) "Travis, let me tell you something. Don't ever try to teach Maslow's hierarchy of needs on two hours of sleep and a martini high."

Dr. Gaddie, American Federal Government: "Then a JAL airplane flies into the US Senate, killing most of Congress, including the Vice President. This is Tom Clancy's idea of term limits."
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Ralith » Sun Jan 04, 2009 4:18 pm UTC

Not really a quote, but my U.S. history teacher talks about video games and movies in class :P.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby She » Mon Jan 05, 2009 12:41 am UTC

GBog wrote:
She wrote:-My Swedish teacher, who greets the class with "Shut up, gentlemen!"

Please tell me he's got a scanian accent. That phrase just sounds so great in my head. "Hold käft, mine härrar!" (or something like that. I can't write Swedish.)


Not really scanian, no. And what he says is "Käften, go'vänner!"

Other highlights from him are "Oh, look everyone, he's communicating eith his brain at this point!" in the middle of a student telling a story and "Well, at least that's what [our physics teacher] says. What if he's wrong? Then everything sort of comes crashing down, doesn't it?"
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby oomps62 » Mon Jan 05, 2009 6:43 am UTC

In a class called "Molecular Principles of Laser Medicine" (taught for senior level engineers)
Professor: Convert 1000 nm to mm.
<Most of the class stares dumbfounded at being asked such a mundane question>
Me: point-zero-zero-one (0.001) millimeters
Professor: Close
<My jaw drops when I look at him>
Professor: It's 1/1000
Thankfully, he was an adjunct.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
While trying to explain random walk theory.
Professor: So, imagine there's a drunk, and he's hanging on to a lamppost. If he lets go, where's the drunk gonna end up?
Student: On the ground?
Professor: Nope.
Student: Back at the bar?
Professor: No! He'll go back to the lamppost!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Professor: (trying to get the class to actually respond to his questions): You need to be more confident in your work. Only the top 10% percent of the population make it to Calc 3. You're pretty elite in the field of math.
*class continues*
Professor: "What's the integral of 1/x dx?
*silence*
Student: We're elite!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Professor of Electronic Properties of Materials: I'm not saying you're the idiot. It just takes an idiot to come and hit you. Don't use your semiconductors while driving. It's the law!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to talk to a professor about an assignment with several questions I had, which I wrote on the assignment sheet. One thing I wrote was "WTF is K?". When I asked the professor for help, he needed to look at my sheet to see the question. He takes one glance at my comments and says "hmm. W T F is K? Well, first off, it's kappa, not K..."

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby poxic » Mon Jan 05, 2009 6:47 am UTC

(OT: oomps, I can't stop watching your avvie. *giggle*)

Wait a minute, I'm sure I have an awesome teacher quote in me somewhere...

We had a crotchety old teacher for algebra in grade 8. I don't remember his name anymore, but he was grumpy, snarky, and funny. He got annoyed at a student once, and told him to smarten up "or I'll kick the SHI...NS off of you!"

The whole class exhaled at the same time, loudly.

/maybe you had to be there
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby oomps62 » Mon Jan 05, 2009 6:55 am UTC

poxic wrote:(OT: oomps, I can't stop watching your avvie. *giggle*)


I've been using this for years and I still can't stop watching it, lol.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Mon Jan 05, 2009 7:06 pm UTC

I had to block it at first sight.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Perpy » Mon Jan 05, 2009 7:28 pm UTC

Our biology teacher:

Me: I knew it, you're evil.
Teacher: I never said that I wasn't.

Physics teacher (he is the best teacher I ever had)

(Our classroom was really noisy, as usual, and he was handing out papers)
Teacher: Okay, today we will discuss the results... Can you please shut the fuck up? Thank you... As I said...

(I was playing Zelda on my computer, and he noticed after taking a round in the room.)
Teacher: Are you playing on your PC?
Me: Ehm... Yeah.
Teacher: Well, since it's you I guess you may carry on.

Another time, we were discussing why our desks seemed to be sliding backwards from the teacher's desk.
Teacher: Well, maybe the room between them is expanding (having just talked about Hub's constant)

Chemistry teacher: I think the copying machine is turning gay. All the pages have pink stripes at the bottom!

Random teacher:

We were three people playing on our computers after finishing som tasks, and the teacher saw us:
Teacher: What're you playing?
Me: Well, Age of Empires II...
Teacher: Oh, you shouldn't use such an old version. And Civilization IV is much better... [and so on]

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Robert'); DROP TABLE *; » Mon Jan 05, 2009 8:44 pm UTC

My teacher wrote:Yeah! ..Wait, what? Yeah!
...And that is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Blarnay » Tue Jan 06, 2009 4:16 am UTC

My college writing teacher was telling us about his days watching 500 kids in a cafeteria as a high school study hall monitor. He liked complete control over his classroom and never had a problem doing so. A new girl was transferred in and wouldn't stop talking. He gave her 2 chances then threatened, "If you don't stop talking, I'm going to make the rest of your high school experience miserable!"

Sure enough the next day she couldn't keep her yap shut so the professor stood up and yelled, "HEY! GOATWOMAN! CAN IT"!

Needless to say, it was quit effective. He told us not only did the name stick but at her prom someone replaced her supper plate with a small bale of hay.

Same teacher...

"What do you think is more effective: knowledge of subject matter or classroom control? It's classroom control, I should be able to walk in on the first day of class, pull out my piece (gun), put it down on the table and say, "This is how we run things here, understand?"

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby MotorToad » Tue Jan 06, 2009 6:14 am UTC

Blarnay wrote:Sure enough the next day she couldn't keep her yap shut so the professor stood up and yelled, "HEY! GOATWOMAN! CAN IT"!

Needless to say, it was quit effective. He told us not only did the name stick but at her prom someone replaced her supper plate with a small bale of hay.

That's awesome. Sure, it might ruin the future of an otherwise healthy student, but that's a small price to pay. :)
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Zak » Tue Jan 06, 2009 6:18 am UTC

No price is too small for a really funny joke.
*waggles eyebrows*

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Ralith » Tue Jan 06, 2009 12:33 pm UTC

Really friggin' funny, although I hope he doesn't think subject matter doesn't matter at all.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Quenouille » Tue Jan 06, 2009 6:11 pm UTC

My sociology teacher last year, on the importance of empirical proofs:

''And now I will prove that deep down, you're nothing but animals. These are your exam marks.'' *throws them on a desk in the middle of the room and everyone rushes in*


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