Awesome Teacher Quotes

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wst
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby wst » Fri Oct 02, 2009 10:56 pm UTC

sleeply wrote:
Chuff wrote:
grimreeker wrote:in Conservatory(theatre for you simpletons)

Huh, I've always associated conservatory with music.
Yes, I thought that that was the more widely used definition of the word too.
I associate conservatory with those glass extensions that people buy for houses as an 'outdoors indoors' room...
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby ShayanThePersian » Sat Oct 03, 2009 5:36 pm UTC

"Look, I just shrunk the text on the smartboard. It's as if I threw a bucket of cold water on it"

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby thicknavyrain » Sat Oct 03, 2009 5:48 pm UTC

"I'm a sociology teacher, my goal is to turn you all into Marxists by the end of this year..."

This was just one of the things he said quietly while we were working.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby grimreeker » Sun Oct 04, 2009 12:49 am UTC

wst wrote:
sleeply wrote:
Chuff wrote:
grimreeker wrote:in Conservatory(theatre for you simpletons)

Huh, I've always associated conservatory with music.
Yes, I thought that that was the more widely used definition of the word too.
I associate conservatory with those glass extensions that people buy for houses as an 'outdoors indoors' room...
Yes, keep the crazy actors separate from everybody but let people know who they are so they can identify us if we escape.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Kalathalan » Sun Oct 04, 2009 4:04 am UTC

---
Last edited by Kalathalan on Mon Jun 06, 2016 8:07 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby slightlydead » Sun Oct 04, 2009 5:36 am UTC

"the wheel is spinning, but the hamster is dead"

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby MotorToad » Sun Oct 04, 2009 5:51 pm UTC

wst wrote:I associate conservatory with those glass extensions that people buy for houses as an 'outdoors indoors' room...

I think of Colonel Mustard.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby wst » Sun Oct 04, 2009 6:26 pm UTC

MotorToad wrote:
wst wrote:I associate conservatory with those glass extensions that people buy for houses as an 'outdoors indoors' room...
I think of Colonel Mustard.
When I read that all I heard was the sound of a reference flying right over my head.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby lulzfish » Sun Oct 04, 2009 11:30 pm UTC

Probably a reference to the board game "Clue", in which the player has to solve a murder mystery. One of the possible murderers is Colonel Mustard, in the Conservatory, with a lead pipe.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby MooglesLord » Tue Oct 06, 2009 2:52 am UTC

I remember my math and science teacher would constantly entertain us...well, I was entertained at least, with terrible puns and awesome stories.

"What's a Pirate's favorite element? ARRRRRRRGON!" - Science Teacher

My math teacher once stopped halfway through class to tell us this awesome story about how he was drinking a beer one saturday night, and his dog was acting more restless than usual. He claimed that something about the situation felt weird, and he saw something near his porch. He went near it, half-hoping it was an alien, only to find out, much to his dismay, that it was an inflatable kiddie pool being blown under the porch.

Said math teacher was actually the most popular teacher in the school. xD
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Chuff » Tue Oct 06, 2009 4:56 am UTC

MooglesLord wrote:I remember my math and science teacher would constantly entertain us...well, I was entertained at least, with terrible puns and awesome stories.

"What's a Pirate's favorite element? ARRRRRRRGON!" - Science Teacher

My math teacher once stopped halfway through class to tell us this awesome story about how he was drinking a beer one saturday night, and his dog was acting more restless than usual. He claimed that something about the situation felt weird, and he saw something near his porch. He went near it, half-hoping it was an alien, only to find out, much to his dismay, that it was an inflatable kiddie pool being blown under the porch.

Said math teacher was actually the most popular teacher in the school. xD

What's a ninja's favorite element?
The element of surprise!
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby H2SO4 » Tue Oct 06, 2009 5:00 am UTC

Chuff wrote:
MooglesLord wrote:I remember my math and science teacher would constantly entertain us...well, I was entertained at least, with terrible puns and awesome stories.

"What's a Pirate's favorite element? ARRRRRRRGON!" - Science Teacher

My math teacher once stopped halfway through class to tell us this awesome story about how he was drinking a beer one saturday night, and his dog was acting more restless than usual. He claimed that something about the situation felt weird, and he saw something near his porch. He went near it, half-hoping it was an alien, only to find out, much to his dismay, that it was an inflatable kiddie pool being blown under the porch.

Said math teacher was actually the most popular teacher in the school. xD

What's a ninja's favorite element?
The element of surprise!

Surprise.
The one that kills you.
No one's lived long enough to find out.
It's--*shurikened*

Want more?
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby kapojinha » Tue Oct 06, 2009 2:23 pm UTC

In AP bio..

Teacher: Yes, mitochondria is three-dimensional.
Student: Good god, did someone really just ask if something in real life was 3D?

Teacher: Oh, it was brilliant. When my son was three, someone asked him, "Luke, who's this?" and I finally got to say "Luke, I am your father!" I think I've been waiting for a moment like that since I named my son.

*during class, my teacher's 9 year old daughter walks in*
Teacher: Get lost, brat.

Needless to say, my teacher is awesome.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby there is no zero » Wed Oct 07, 2009 10:52 pm UTC

"[Student], are you working on God's work, or mine?"

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby rheakith » Thu Oct 08, 2009 1:12 am UTC

Same existentialism professor as the child molesters quote from above: Someone asked how long our answers should be for the quiz we were taking (it was 3 short essays) and she responded with "Well, they should be long enough to cover everything, but short enough to still make things interesting. Kind of like girl's skirts these days."

She is one of the big reasons why I love that class.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby TheChewanater » Fri Oct 09, 2009 7:26 pm UTC

This was in seventh grade. They had a teacher dress up as Abraham Lincoln and go around to each room to talk about something (I think history club?).

The morning before they did this, they were making an announcement on the comm about it, which began with the sentence "Students and faculty, a star is coming!"

My English teacher, a really old lady, screamed, "DUCK!" and jumped under her desk, looking out the window.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby NashSounds » Sat Oct 10, 2009 6:12 am UTC

Is it bad that I have a notebook full of hilarious quotes from teachers?

"I often dream of teaching calculus on Seaseme Street"

"What does economics have in common with sex? They both take practice to be good at!"

"If a bag of shit could make a noise, it would sound like what the trumpets just did"

"An 'Additional Schematic Information' notice is an architect's way of saying "Oh shit! I forgot something""

"A 'Request for Information' notice is a contractors way of saying, "What the F*** is the architect talking about?""

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby rookiemonster » Sun Oct 11, 2009 2:02 am UTC

I used to have quotes from teachers written down in the margins of my assignment-book-planner-thing, but unfortunately I think I discarded those a while ago.

In my English class we were reading Beowulf and a student remarked that it was impossible for Beowulf to hold his breath for a whole day underwater. The teacher, who is somewhat sarcastic and clearly perturbed by this obvious statement, replied with "And you can't even hold it for a whole class period!".

On a related note, one of the laptop carts in my school has http://www.xkcd.com/627/ taped to the side of it.

EDIT: For all you programmers out there, my friend was taking a CS I course (this is high school). He showed me a quote from the teacher that he had written down. It went something like:

"We don't want programming to be scary, so we'll be starting with graphical ALICE. This is to prepare students for Computer Science II, which deals with Visual BASIC, which is scary."

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Cynical Idealist » Sun Oct 11, 2009 2:35 am UTC

rookiemonster wrote:"Visual BASIC, which is scary."

Well, I don't know if Visual BASIC is scary, but some of the things that people write in it are.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Walter.Horvath » Sun Oct 11, 2009 2:29 pm UTC

rookiemonster wrote:this is high school :!:

Sorry, had to.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Link » Sun Oct 11, 2009 8:49 pm UTC

Cynical Idealist wrote:
rookiemonster wrote:"Visual BASIC, which is scary."

Well, I don't know if Visual BASIC is scary, but some of the things that people write in it are.

Visual Basic isn't just scary, it's Son of Sam scary. As a matter of fact, VB will act all sweet and cute, and right when you trust it, it gouges your eyes out with a plastic spoon and skullfucks you in the now-empty sockets.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby TheChewanater » Sun Oct 11, 2009 9:23 pm UTC

Walter.Horvath wrote:
rookiemonster wrote:this is high school :!:

Sorry, had to.


If a teacher said that at the beginning of freshman year, that would be one hypothetically epic teacher quote.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby 33 Draconis » Mon Oct 12, 2009 3:51 am UTC

Again, I've got a book full of these from middle school.

Ms. MacKinnon: "Just like I think women are better than men, I think fractions are better than decimals."
"Gay men can like pretty girls and cheerleaders!"
"I'd tell you some of my math jokes, but they're all adult jokes - you have to understand calculus and the IRS for them to be funny."

And from high school:

Ms. Brown: "The human body, on the other hand, does not use fire as a catalyst for its chemical reactions - as you may or may not have noticed."

Ms. Kamoshita: "This is an elective class, and I can elect to have you removed."

EDIT: Amusingly enough - the THIS... IS...HIGH SCHOOL! quote did happen to me, at the end of eighth grade. Our English teacher was, ah, enthusiastic about us doing her proud.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Lleu » Tue Oct 13, 2009 4:59 pm UTC

Theory teacher on a Bach chorale: "This isn't very good counterpoint."
Though admittedly, I took that way out of context. Still an awesome quote though.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby garak1a » Wed Oct 14, 2009 6:15 pm UTC

This isn't so much a quote as an incident, but when my fiancée was in high school, the teacher responsible for biology had to take on a senior-level chemistry class.

One day, in an effort to make things interesting for the students, looked at the vials in the chemical cabinet, hoping to find something to show the kids and be like "See? The school's doing some rather interesting work! Look at these cool chemicals we have!"

The chemical he selected was either Cesium or Francium or some kind of very high alkali metal. Enough that if the vial broke and it came into contact with the air, the room would explode.

The head of the chem department happened upon the room, saw what we was doing, ripped the vial from his hands and just went "No!" as chastising a child.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby TheChewanater » Wed Oct 14, 2009 6:37 pm UTC

garak1a wrote:This isn't so much a quote as an incident, but when my fiancée was in high school, the teacher responsible for biology had to take on a senior-level chemistry class.

One day, in an effort to make things interesting for the students, looked at the vials in the chemical cabinet, hoping to find something to show the kids and be like "See? The school's doing some rather interesting work! Look at these cool chemicals we have!"

The chemical he selected was either Cesium or Francium or some kind of very high alkali metal. Enough that if the vial broke and it came into contact with the air, the room would explode.

The head of the chem department happened upon the room, saw what we was doing, ripped the vial from his hands and just went "No!" as chastising a child.

Win.


Shouldn't a bio teacher at least know that alkali metals are no-no elements, even if it's not what he teaches? Or at least not to touch random chemicals he finds.

Fail.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby wst » Wed Oct 14, 2009 7:17 pm UTC

I doubt they'd just have caesium or francium lying around...

My bet is on sodium.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Chfan » Wed Oct 14, 2009 7:59 pm UTC

In which case the worst that could happen is the teacher loses his eyebrows.
Just FYI, the guy isn't avatar isn't me. But he seems pretty cool.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Ralith The Third » Wed Oct 14, 2009 8:49 pm UTC

My MWH teacher is awesome.

,"Yeah, When I was in 6th grade I played basketball. I had all the coordination of a hippopatumas with one leg cut off. On drugs. But I was a head taller than everyone else so it didn't matter"

And then there's the fight he broke up- he had blood on his shirt and called it a minor fight (we're in a rather coddled place, admittedly, but...)
Omni.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby TheChewanater » Wed Oct 14, 2009 8:49 pm UTC

Chfan wrote:In which case the worst that could happen is the teacher loses his eyebrows.


Worst? That would teach him quite a lesson.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Whelan » Wed Oct 14, 2009 10:23 pm UTC

Today, in some lesson or other, a girl is quietly having a nosebleed in the corner.
Teacher: We don't have any Vampires in the room do we?
*everyone looks at pupil with a vampire obsession.*
Teacher: Oh [Student] No! OH, God NO!!
*cue [Student] going bright red*

Made all the funnier for the teacher being a generally very stern, and old fashioned deputy head.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby H2SO4 » Wed Oct 14, 2009 10:40 pm UTC

Chem class, demonstrating the chemical formation of water by igniting a balloon full of hydrogen:
Professor: Okay, here we go in 3...2...1 (BOOM!).... Yeah, I probably should be wearing my goggles while doing this.

Same class, talking about limiting reactants in chemical equations.
Professor: Well, if you had 9000 tires, 2000 steering wheels, and 6000 axles, and you wanted to make a car, what would be the limiting reactant? Well, let's write down the formula. 1 car = 4 tires + 2 axles + 1 steering wheel. Well, 2 if my wife is driving.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Thu Oct 15, 2009 9:38 am UTC

Ralith The Third wrote:My MWH teacher is awesome.

What's MWH? Medieval World History? Math, Women and Humanics?
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Cynical Idealist » Thu Oct 15, 2009 7:56 pm UTC

H2SO4 wrote:Professor: Well, if you had 9000 tires, 2000 steering wheels, and 6000 axles, and you wanted to make a car, what would be the limiting reactant?

Seats, car bodies, engines, and transmissions, limiting your car production to 0.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Revolution0 » Mon Oct 19, 2009 5:31 am UTC

Mine is awesomely bad.
ALWAYS SAVE WORK AS AN RTF. Only macs can view .doc or .docx files.
--Dumbest computer teacher I ever had.

Then after me+3 other people explained that you can open the file in word, she said that yes, you could move the file over to a PC, but word is only for Mac OS. :roll:

Worst. mandatory. course. ever.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby H2SO4 » Mon Oct 19, 2009 5:43 am UTC

Cynical Idealist wrote:
H2SO4 wrote:Professor: Well, if you had 9000 tires, 2000 steering wheels, and 6000 axles, and you wanted to make a car, what would be the limiting reactant?

Seats, car bodies, engines, and transmissions, limiting your car production to 0.
:P

We were stopping it from getting too complicated and just saying it only takes tires, steering wheels and axles to build a car.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Mon Oct 19, 2009 11:10 am UTC

Revolution0 wrote:Mine is awesomely bad.
ALWAYS SAVE WORK AS AN RTF. Only macs can view .doc or .docx files.
--Dumbest computer teacher I ever had.

Then after me+3 other people explained that you can open the file in word, she said that yes, you could move the file over to a PC, but word is only for Mac OS. :roll:

Worst. mandatory. course. ever.

You have my full commiseration.

In 7th grade we had a similar subject. I pity the teacher, he was forced to teach it, even though he did not know the subject matter, but they didn't have anyone else. But I am still angry at him for giving me a C. I don't know for what. He didn't like the Word and Paintbrush (!) files I created or whatever. I had gotten two Bs and one C in the semester, and he decided to give me a C.

Well, I have since completed my computer science degree :-P -
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Chuff » Tue Oct 20, 2009 1:53 am UTC

Upon reflection it's not as ammusing as it was when it happened, but today during math class one of my classmates was angry with themselves for being stupid with a question, and started making groaning noises that were not all that far off from sex noises.
My teacher looked up and completely nonchalantly said "I'd like you to love math, of course, but I would rather you didn't love math," and went back to helping a classmate with a problem.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Cynical Idealist » Tue Oct 20, 2009 2:13 pm UTC

A spambot that makes posts that are on-topic (if slightly incoherent)? Impressive.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Tue Oct 20, 2009 2:32 pm UTC

Confusing. Maybe a human that spams? Maybe it works like Google AdSense in that it parses the thread and has a couple of possible fitting responses; or it does something like an Aliza bot?
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