Awesome Teacher Quotes

The school experience. School related queries, discussions, and stories that aren't specific to a subject.

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Hayden
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Hayden » Sat Aug 16, 2008 8:40 am UTC

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Last edited by Hayden on Sat Oct 30, 2010 2:38 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby felltir » Sat Aug 16, 2008 9:50 am UTC

The page topper makes this thread look really high-class.
Spoiler:
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Themata » Sat Aug 16, 2008 12:03 pm UTC

Felltir wrote:The page topper makes this thread look really high-class.


There is no such thing.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby quartrmster007 » Sat Aug 16, 2008 9:26 pm UTC

" (in regards to Net Exports of the US)...This is always negative, so we don't pay attention to it..."

Best AP Macroeconomics teacher ever. She has a lot of other great quotes, but I'll have to think of them...
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Fifi » Sat Aug 16, 2008 10:30 pm UTC

One of my maths teachers (hilarious guy - tall, bald, very intimidating to look at, makes fun of students constently, but very funny - also he has an xkcd comic on his classroom door and changes it every so often)

- "Don't listen to what I'm saying, listen to what I'm thinking and writing"
"If you're happy and you know it...do some maths"

Another maths teacher I had -
"If this was Sesame Street, it would be brought to you by the letter E. But it's maths, so it's brought to you by the number e"
If all the village idiots, from all the villages, came together to form their own village, of idiots - in that village, you would be the village idiot

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Raiku » Sun Aug 17, 2008 3:01 pm UTC

My Stand-In physics teacher decided to teach us what an Ohm was-and so he plastered those ridiculous jokes, like

'Ohm Sweet Ohm' and 'Ohmer Simpson', and others. And on the stereo, he had recorded himself singing 'Sweet OHM Alabama', and put it on loop-he thought we'd enjoy it... he has a horrible voice-but he did have some pretty good Ohm jokes.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Sir_Elderberry » Mon Aug 18, 2008 2:12 am UTC

Raiku wrote:My Stand-In physics teacher decided to teach us what an Ohm was-and so he plastered those ridiculous jokes, like

'Ohm Sweet Ohm' and 'Ohmer Simpson', and others. And on the stereo, he had recorded himself singing 'Sweet OHM Alabama', and put it on loop-he thought we'd enjoy it... he has a horrible voice-but he did have some pretty good Ohm jokes.


I've always thought that the fact that the symbol for resistance is ohm-mega is a massive "somebody set up us the pun" that nobody notices.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Why Two Kay » Mon Aug 18, 2008 2:29 am UTC

Sir_Elderberry wrote:
Raiku wrote:My Stand-In physics teacher decided to teach us what an Ohm was-and so he plastered those ridiculous jokes, like

'Ohm Sweet Ohm' and 'Ohmer Simpson', and others. And on the stereo, he had recorded himself singing 'Sweet OHM Alabama', and put it on loop-he thought we'd enjoy it... he has a horrible voice-but he did have some pretty good Ohm jokes.


I've always thought that the fact that the symbol for resistance is ohm-mega is a massive "somebody set up us the pun" that nobody notices.


In my Physics I class we used to get "homework packets" of problems to do in order to study for the test. During the units on electricity and circuits my teacher changed the title to Ωwork.

We sorta laughed, and one girl said she didn't get it.
tl;dr - I said nothing important.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Poochy » Mon Aug 18, 2008 5:05 am UTC

I just remembered a rough quote from my AP US History teacher many years ago, on the League of Nations:

"The rationale behind the League of Nations basically worked like this: Let's say we were to form our own group in this class, like a League of Students. Then, for example, let's say someone was trying to beat up [name of strongest guy in the class] in the locker bay. As soon as that happens, the rest of us would get an alert saying "[name] is getting beat up in the locker bay!" and we'd all rush over to the locker bay and start beating up the guy who's trying to mess with [name]. So if people know there will be about thirty of us ganging up on them if they try to mess with one of us, they won't try to mess with any of us. That was the logic behind the League of Nations."

Of course, we were all laughing at the mental image of someone actually trying to beat up the strongest guy in our class.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby MotorToad » Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:35 pm UTC

Sir_Elderberry wrote:I've always thought that the fact that the symbol for resistance is ohm-mega is a massive "somebody set up us the pun" that nobody notices.
I thought it was as obvious as using "m" for meter or "g" for gravity. If there's a joke for "L" being inductance or (archaic) "E" for potential, I don't get it. :)
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby mypsychoticself » Fri Aug 22, 2008 5:25 pm UTC

"So this whole half of the room, I'm just seeing you through this film of blood… So that's what my night was like; I hope yours was better!"

Edit: Later in the class, the same professor said, "I guess it's bad when even the mic goes to sleep."
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby pkuky » Sat Aug 23, 2008 7:37 pm UTC

teacher at phisics camp:
who wants to play othello?
I volunteer. he gives me a corner to start with, and takes every one of my stones except it halfway through the game.
him: oh, I forgot to introduce myself: hello, national champion 2003.
his brother, also a teacher there: *when we're complaining about not being given enough time to finish the lab test*:"it rains on the enemy too!

other teachers: "I don't feel, I'm stuck to the floor"

"this may be crap, but that's alright, it's based on faith"

"I took off a ton of points for that, but you don't actually see your grades, so I'll just have to get mad at you now: people! seriously!"

teacher: "I'm in the army now, in intelligence.
me: "hey, a friend of mine's there, do you know him?"
him: "look, your mistake here is that you're assuming the army's about twenty people"
It rains on the enemy too!

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Hyperfried » Sun Aug 24, 2008 3:59 pm UTC

Spanish II Honors: "I'm not a Spanish teacher, I'm a Mexican teacher!"

This, from the teacher that nearly ate my head after I made a remark that could be construed as slightly racist against Mexicans. >_>

Oh, and of course, AP Physics B, on optics:

"Hi ho, di do, it's off to physics we go. (Negative!)" I will never forget that formula so long as I live.
In the end, physics always has the last laugh.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Rgeminas » Sun Aug 24, 2008 6:25 pm UTC

One female classmate of mine was kneeling on the ground,with her bum up, when my Physics teacher asked her: "Why the hell are you in that position?", to which she replies: "Oh, I've lost my pen". Then he says: "Well, given the number of perverted guys in this classroom, I'd say you'll lose something else really soon!"

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The internet is for ____

Postby binaryloc » Sun Aug 24, 2008 7:37 pm UTC

Image

from a lecture on relational databases.

A picture is worth a million words. Unfortunately, he was put under stress to leave.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Fledermen64 » Mon Aug 25, 2008 10:18 pm UTC

This one happened today.
First day of Calc 2. Teacher comes in big friendly dude. He brings his kid with him (no idea why, he didnt explain) so about 10 mins after class starts his phone starts ringing so he throws it to his son and asks him to take care of it (The kid is about 7). So the kid starts to answer and the teacher goes, "No don't pick it up. It could be your mom!"
"I just want to say before I do this that I have no idea what I'm doing and I love you all very dearly. Ok lets light this bitch and hope for the best"
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby omega » Mon Sep 01, 2008 11:28 am UTC

Found a couple more among my old highschool notes right now.

Philosophy class. We're debating whether or not smoking is compatible with Hobbes' principle of self-preservation.
Teacher: "Hobbes was assuming people were sensible."

Art class, discussing the architecture of a chapel:
Teacher: "Well, it does have something Smurfy!"

Bio class. The teacher rants about zoology being about nonexistent in the syllabus for grade 11-13.
Teacher: "You are going to know everything about gene technology but you won't have a clue! If a squirrel crosses your way, you're going to say it's a fox!"

Bio teacher, obviously meaning the US people:
"...those tribes that speak American..."

Physics class. The teacher wasn't very motivated and frequently sent us off early.
Student teacher: "Then we might as well go home!"
Teacher: "You see, Mr K already has the right mindset to be a teacher."

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby electronic mily » Mon Sep 01, 2008 2:20 pm UTC

I'm really regretting that I don't have the notebooks where I wrote these all down, but I'll see what I can remember.

From a US history teacher, of all people: "If I looked into the mirror and saw Michael Jackson, I'd have a big problem. Even if I was Michael Jackson. But that's another story..."
This guy was just bizarre. I actually have a few more from him...
"Not only was Thomas Jefferson an atheist, he was a woman who had children with one of his slave girls!"

And from a discussion on bias pre-AP Euro history test: "So you could say, 'In 1831, Sir Scarborough said that, uh, cheese is good. However, he is in fact a producer of cheese, and so his statement is biased, and yes, this example is getting a little weird.'"

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby pkuky » Mon Sep 01, 2008 5:43 pm UTC

russian teacher (in a heavy russian accent):
"look, I was raised in a place with a less liberal goverment."
"kid: no, really?"
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby ShaKri » Mon Sep 01, 2008 6:07 pm UTC

not so much a quote... but a funny teacher thing anyway.

me and my friend walk into maths (first year of uni, and we're both guys)...

Dr. Webber asks me first "you've been off for a while ... where have you been".
i reply " a wedding"
he asks my firend" what about you"
he replys "a wedding"

the look he gave then was priceless... and i'll always say.. people that are as smart as him... will never have common sense lol.

he points at us both (switching between us) "Y..Y.. you?... you two? what ?"

i dont think he has talked to us any more than he needed to since lol.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby pkuky » Sat Sep 06, 2008 2:42 pm UTC

a history teacher in our school has a thing about napoleon. so a guy in a test, in which he didn't know anything, covered the page with "napoleon the king, napoleon the king, napoleon the king, etc..."
he got a big X, and under that, "napoleon's an emperor".
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Shakleton » Sat Sep 06, 2008 6:38 pm UTC

About one week ago, in "Mathe Leistungskurs" (Higher level maths), a plane flew over our school. Our (kinda old) teacher stopped in mid-sentence, stood still for about 10 seconds, turned from the blackboard to us and said: "The Russians!" and turned back to the blackboard, resuming the lesson.

We were all like: "LoL, WTF?"
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby jmorgan3 » Sat Sep 06, 2008 6:48 pm UTC

Shakleton wrote:About one week ago, in "Mathe Leistungskurs" (Higher level maths), a plane flew over our school. Our (kinda old) teacher stopped in mid-sentence, stood still for about 10 seconds, turned from the blackboard to us and said: "The Russians!" and turned back to the blackboard, resuming the lesson.

We were all like: "LoL, WTF?"

Those ROTC guys are way off course.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Kuuchu » Sat Sep 06, 2008 7:09 pm UTC

"For the men in this class who don't appreciate it, and the women in this class who haven't yet, I have a great respect for mothers. Giving birth is like shitting a wattermellon."

I can't remember why we were talking about this anyway, it was history class!

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Shakleton » Sat Sep 06, 2008 8:52 pm UTC

jmorgan3 wrote:
Shakleton wrote:About one week ago, in "Mathe Leistungskurs" (Higher level maths), a plane flew over our school. Our (kinda old) teacher stopped in mid-sentence, stood still for about 10 seconds, turned from the blackboard to us and said: "The Russians!" and turned back to the blackboard, resuming the lesson.

We were all like: "LoL, WTF?"

Those ROTC guys are way off course.


Well, since we are in Germany and my teacher doesn't speak a word of English beyond "yes", "no", "maybe" and self-explanatory stuff like "mathematics", I do not think he took part in the ROTC (I had to look that up myself). I don't think he was in the army anyways, I believe he told us a story some day how he got around it.
He is, on the other hand, kinda old. And it is possible that he grew up in the years after World War II and that playing planes low over the ground (the specified plane was really loud) might have been "the Russians" for his siblings/parents who kept on telling him stuff like that. :?

As a teacher, he is my great idol. (He's a great mathemtician in my eyes, has a great vocabulary and a fantastic way of speaking.) My friends and I all admire him and have our own "Jochen Roesler Fanclub" (That's his name, obviously). And I, personally, think about that comment as a joke.

Anyways, I had an interesting teacher quote from the same teacher last thursday. (No, not last thursday, I really mean last thursday!)

We were talking about exponential growth of graphs and the derivation thereof. (Is 'derivation' the correct word for the so-called slope of a point on f(x)?) So, we managed our way through hard steps of formulating a certain formula how to get said slope of a point on the graph of the funktion f.
We ended up having the equation

b^x * [(b^n - b^0)/n] = f´(x)

Now, he began to speak in big words and dignified sentences. He made a big speech about how this equation is so very important and how we could derive so many things from it and so on and so on. He concluded with a sentece about the possibility of there being some "magical number" for which the equation above and it's derivation would be the same so that f(x) = f´(x). He wanted to go on about the "magic number" when this happened:

Teacher: So, there MIGHT be some number for that this SOME-how turns out to be the same as it's derivation. Let's see...
Me: Let me guess! 2 point 7 1 8 2 8 1 8 2 8 4 5 9 and so on
Teacher: *slumps* *sigh* Shut the hell up, you bloody idiot, you are spoiling my fun!
Class: *big laughter*

I was somewhat sorry later for spoiling the last time he could intoduce e to a higher level maths course (he's leaving the scool with us, in 2010) but I think, he'll be able to cope with it. :wink:
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Protector1 » Sun Sep 07, 2008 5:39 am UTC

Those ROTC guys are way off course


And I was under the impression that I was the only one who watched "Red Dawn".
That has to be one of my favorite movies...

(The scene: A history teacher is talking about the Mongols when he looks out of his window to see a bunch of guys parachuting into the school yard(insert quote here). Then the invading members of the Warsaw Pact shoot up the classroom and everything else, killing said teacher)
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Kasperl » Sun Sep 07, 2008 10:45 am UTC

One of my teachers was worse. We were in a quantum chemistry class taught by a Russian professor, and my (Dutch) spectroscopy teacher was sitting in on the class. He was sitting next to me, and the air raid alarm went off as a normal test. The Dutch teacher whispers to me: 'Quick, the Russians are coming!'. I kind of expected the pun, but from my other side where a mate sat, not from a university teacher.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby TheMaskedAvenger » Sun Sep 07, 2008 12:46 pm UTC

Our Classics teacher, to someone who had failed to do their homework: 'If I were Stalin, I would have you sent to The Gulag Archipelago, never to be seen again!'

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby pkuky » Sun Sep 07, 2008 4:47 pm UTC

we got a problem that went "a villain is shooting at superman for a minute. superman's chest, of course, repels bullets at the same speed they hit him. calculate the average force extracted by superman's chest over the minute.

my answer: 0, superman dodges the bullets and anyways there's no chance a villain can keep shooting him for a minute straight without been taken out. to which I got:

Superman will be busy saving some young girl (because he wants to get some)
so he will be fired upon for a minute. After he will save her she will dump him (because he is a nerd
and she is a bitch).
It rains on the enemy too!

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby JGTC » Sun Sep 07, 2008 5:05 pm UTC

Ap English- Why did you guys erect a fort? ARE THOSE PIRATES???
- My dad was like Mr. Clean. He was bald, buff, and could probably kill us all.
Teacher- Have a good weekend, and don't do anything stupid!
Me- Define stupid.
Teacher- Are you 18?
Me- Yes...
Teacher- Anything that warrants a felony.

Ap Calc- Ohhh, I hate when the book beats me.
- You know what? Screw this problem.
- (After chucking a marker across the room) How the HELL did they do this?

Spanish- I can't believe someone would masturbate in my class. Why me?
- Me- So you could call that person a pendejo, right?
- Her- DON'T EVER SAY THAT WORD AGAIN!!! (Followed by 10 minute lecture on swearing)

Ap History- I choked on Jeopardy. (He really did)
Kid- I think the test is wrong. What's the answer?
Him- Your mom.
Kid- That wasn't a choice.
Him- It was last nite.

Psych- Everyone is an idiot. Except for some of you.
Ap Gov (same as Psych)- Don't piss me off please.

Anatomy- Heather, stop making stupid comments.
-No matter how hard you try to explain it, you're still wrong.
-Yeah, the stuff that holds feces together is important. It's poo glue!
Kid- Can we do the brain instead of the heart?
Me- I'd rather do the heart.
Kid- I don't care what you want, I want to do the brain.
Teacher- Jake, shut up, we aren't doing the damn brain. I hate the brain. No one uses it.
Jake- (Different time)So what, you just keep bucketfulls of dead pigs in the back of the room?
Teacher- (With a big smile) Yeah!

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Fuzzy_Wuzzy.bmp » Wed Sep 10, 2008 3:45 am UTC

In biology class in what I think is sorta equivalent to the american high school, the discussion somehow came to the Red Light District in Amsterdam. Our teacher, who was the best damn teacher ever (was, because now he's DEAD) told us:

"If you ever go there, avoid girls wearing skirts, or anything overly hiding that area, 'cause you don't want any surprises. Not like that."

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Why Two Kay » Fri Sep 12, 2008 1:23 am UTC

My AP Physics C teacher commenting on a student "sleeping" in class:

"Well, whatever it is that you're doing at night... whether you're playing some video game or searching the internet for porn... you need to get more sleep, so go to bed earlier. Because I actually expect students to be awake in my class."

The porn comment really caught us all off guard.
tl;dr - I said nothing important.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby mypsychoticself » Fri Sep 12, 2008 1:57 am UTC

My Astronomy lab TA is one of those annoying teachers who, when asked a question, will tell us to read the book. But that's ok, because he gave us these lovely quotes:

-What it really is, I have no idea.
-The speed of light is the maximum speed you can go without going crazy. You can't go faster than that even if you are crazy.
-This is the visible spectrum. Everything here you can see if you are not blind.
-It's quantized, therefore it's cool.
-With that said, let's all have a break and go home now. Just kidding.
-Who doesn't agree? I don't agree . . . Sorry, I just lied. It's actually true.
-This electron can react with other electrons and stuff and things can happen.
-Our eyes are more sensible in green.
-If you are a trained musician, you are just like a spectrograph.
-Really be careful with this, because if it breaks I'm not sure if it's poisonous or not.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby TheMagicalTurtle » Fri Sep 12, 2008 4:34 am UTC

Not a quote, but still quite awesome.

My Physics teacher's name was, no lie, Mr. Watts.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby AKAnotu » Fri Sep 12, 2008 10:20 pm UTC

My french teacher:
"Now, I noticed that some of you, when describing your friends, used a masculine adjective, then a feminine one. The only way this works is if.....let's not go there."
Abraham Lincoln wrote:If you are racist, I will attack you with the north.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby mdyrud » Fri Sep 12, 2008 10:56 pm UTC

Our crazy math teacher is a fountain of quotes.
-Cease this insolent noise.
-FOIL is a four letter word in this class

The best was his rant when a student called his classroom phone from a corner of the room and asked if he could go to the bathroom. The student was forcibly ejected from the room.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Mr_Meister » Sat Sep 13, 2008 6:13 am UTC

My old maths teacher was....eccentric.

"I'm going to miss you...and you...and the man in the moon, yes...."

:shock: I don't know...
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby chrisfab » Sat Sep 13, 2008 7:21 am UTC

Well i am in IAFT right now in Asia.We we're discussing the topics of our thesis that term and so i made a joke to my group to make
"Different positions on S*x" as our topic...Just then a mentor walked in on us and said..."Okay guys...Let's do it".Geez!How my classmate laughed,the whole
class looked at us....I was so red that my mentor asked if i have fever?It makes my group laughed more... Imagine us making a video of that topic?

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby raptor.fortress » Sat Sep 13, 2008 10:50 am UTC

"Programing a lego mindstorms robot is like programing my VCR. I just couldn't be fucked."

Favorite teacher from year 12 commenting on his love for the lego part of the curriculum.
There is no friend as loyal as a book.
- Ernest Hemingway.

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wst
Posts: 2613
Joined: Sat Nov 24, 2007 10:06 am UTC

Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby wst » Sat Sep 13, 2008 5:14 pm UTC

Mr Jones (Design & Technology) on the LHC

If it was <person from last years DT class> in charge of building the LHC, they'd have just about started digging a hole.
4 workmen sitting on a rock looking at porn.
"Arr, I'd like to give her a big bang"
"I could recreate the Big Bang and I don't need 4.8 billion pounds, just give me a blonde with big tits."

and Irish Daleks
"Oh shit they put stairs in, lets go to <person> house because he lives in a bungalow, and we can stare at his orange ceiling" (We were talking about ceiling colours and this person has an orange one...
Anything I said pre-2014 that you want to quote me on, just run it past me to check I still agree with myself.


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