Awesome Teacher Quotes

The school experience. School related queries, discussions, and stories that aren't specific to a subject.

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fenrir_darkwolf
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby fenrir_darkwolf » Sat Sep 13, 2008 5:38 pm UTC

This was a little surreal. Anyway, my algebra proff said something a little obvious, so some smartass replied "prove it!" and then he did...
"You're gonna have to learn everything anyway, so which is first is not essential."
-Richard Feynman

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rubber314chicken
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby rubber314chicken » Sun Sep 14, 2008 3:08 am UTC

band teacher.... trip to cedar point. It was a rainy day

"...and if it gets too wet we'll have to pull out early"

he didn't even realize what he said.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby chrisfab » Sun Sep 14, 2008 6:11 pm UTC

Hi Mr_Meister,

That also reminds me of my math teacher in high school. Everyday after lunch she always have an exam for the class on the topic she discuss the day before.

Hmmmm. I think I do missed her too!

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Silvyr » Sun Sep 14, 2008 7:36 pm UTC

while talking about Catholics with my friend in the chemisty lab XD
Chem teacher: I was never raped by my priest when I was a boy and I'm CATHOLIC! I mean, I was an alterboy and everything. What? I wasn't good enough? Pshk. That still pisses me off and makes me sad.

while in media discussing how to plan out our next issue of the paper
teacher: ...so Homecoming is still to early to write about... hey! Did you guys hear about them making the new... where is everyone getting cookies from and why don't I have one in my hand?!

After someone had said some college wasn't shitty in pre-calc, and said it was school appropriate because he said not first XD
Teacher: *heavy sarcasm* Yeah? Fine. Frank, your NOT a fuckhead. There. I can say that to you becuase I said not first.

pre-calc teacher talking about how to find functions of linear equations..
teacher: Seriously? Those are all teh ones you can think of? How about.. cheat? *starts scribbling down alternative solutions on board* Use back of book? Pay someone? Guess? Use resources? Pull one out of ...oh. can't say that. Oh well. I was gonna say pull one out of your ass.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby gkemp » Mon Sep 15, 2008 1:32 am UTC

Student: can i go to the bathroom?
Teacher:is the pope catholic, does the bear s**t in the woods, go to the bathroom already!

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wst
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby wst » Mon Sep 15, 2008 6:17 pm UTC

Maths department, next to chemistry department-
*BOOM!*
Teacher: The teacher's having fun in chemistry, it seems.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Silvyr » Tue Sep 16, 2008 12:48 am UTC

*in french 3 and 4 [the calss is combined]*
Teacher: yeah and 'vache' used alone is a swear for D-A-M.
class: N.
Teacher: What? It doesn't go in the cow... *confused*

*randomly in the middle of Psychology*
Teacher: No! We do not speak about cows in here! have you ever seen cows having sex? I'm scarred for life after driving past that farm... no cows.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby minty ice » Tue Sep 16, 2008 1:28 am UTC

One time instead of saying big stick policy, my teacher said big dick policy.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby curious and questioning » Tue Sep 16, 2008 3:06 am UTC

My physics teacher is awesome.

*compares something to a mule*
me: How do you know about mules? Were you in a circus or something where you could observe them?
teacher: Yes, actually, I was in a circus. *takes a few tennis balls from his desk and juggles them for a few minutes, also balancing a metre stick on his chin and talking about how he was in the circus for a year or so but was bad at circus stuff and so quit*

teacher: ...And so, light travels faster in a Dyson than it does in a Hoover.
student: What are those? Are they cars? (earlier we had been using cars as an example)
*class cracks up*

It is raining. Randomly, in class:
teacher: Holy crap, it's dark outside! I mean, look at that! *flicks lights on and off, pokes head outside window, then returns to lesson*
later that day, in lunch, a friend of mine said that she was in the classroom on the other side of the courtyard from our classroom and they were talking about my teacher looking out the window at them.

edit: also he has the Centrifugal Force xkcd posted on his door. um, if you're reading this, hi! see how I am portraying you in a positive manner!

another edit because I was matching the wrong title with comic. I blame exhaustion. http://xkcd.com/123/
[insert quote here]

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Tenth Speed Writer » Tue Sep 16, 2008 3:34 am UTC

I'm taking a dual-enrollment class at a local community college right now, Theater 125: Theater Appreciation. The professor is an older English man, and you can tell he's seen his share of students.



Other student: *Back-sassing remark*

Professor: Oh, so we do have a class smart ass in here after all.
Well, guess what. From now on, your official designation is Smartass. As is my prerogative, I'll be happily picking on you Mr. Smartass.

* Some time later, after having called on him a few times, much to my amusement *

Professor: Now, what exactly are you all going to be majoring in? *Cut to Mr. SA*
"How about you, Smartass? What are you majoring in?"

SA: "Er.. Pre-med, I think.."

Professor: "Ah.. So, Dr. Smartass, then!"




And so he's remained to this day, Dr. SA.
I love this professor. xD His class is never boring, I'll definitely give him that.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby TheMagicalTurtle » Tue Sep 16, 2008 11:47 pm UTC

Two today from Western Civ teacher:

"Napoleon, though, was very fertile. This was a man who really wanted to be the father of his country."

When discussing the Nap Code (giving an example):
"(student) here abandoned her baby. This was her deed. Then they'll go on and determine the crime. Did the baby die? Murder. Did it live? ... littering."

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Poochy » Wed Sep 17, 2008 4:07 am UTC

Computer Science lecturer, going on a tangent on the difference between the Boolean "or" and the English "or":

Note that this is different from the English 'or'. Let's say you go to a nice restaurant. And I’m not talking about a place where the menu’s on an illuminated board over the counter, but one where they hand you a menu bound in gnaugahide or something. And when the waitron comes over, it asks, "What would you like?"
"I would like the chicken."
"And how would you like that done?"
"Medium rare."
"All entrees come with soup or salad. Which one would you like?"
"I want both."
"Well, you’ll have to buy one of them a la carte."
And that’s when you explain the truth table to them. Now these nice restaurants have nice napkins, and they don’t like it when you draw on the napkins, so hopefully you have a piece of scratch paper to draw on...
*pointing to the corresponding parts of a truth table on the white board* "Soup: true; salad: true; therefore, both: true!"
And at this point the waitron might look at you weird or call the manager over...
[...]
So this is actually soup XOR salad.
Last edited by Poochy on Fri Sep 19, 2008 3:07 am UTC, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Rouse » Wed Sep 17, 2008 8:56 am UTC

Not exactly a quote but my graphics teacher would sometimes start the lesson with an Asian accent, lmao.

"Okay everybody, prease be quiet. Can somebody get the rights?"
Image

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Kachi » Wed Sep 17, 2008 12:44 pm UTC

Best one I ever heard was not mine, but something I read long ago in a Reader's Digest. It's a college biology class, discussing human reproduction. (heavily paraphrased)

Prof: Semen is actually comprised largely of sugars.
Girl: If it's made of sugar, then why doesn't it taste sweet?
Class: *laughs*
Girl: *hurriedly gets up and leaves out of embarrassment*
As she is going out the door...
Prof: Because the taste buds for sweetness aren't in the back of the mouth.

------
In another life when I was a music major, I was taking music theory II, and we were doing something... boring and confusing (counterpoint or sonata analysis). We had just handed in our compositions the prior day. At the start of class, the professor (not a slim man) held up our papers, climbed up onto the table, and stood there yelling, "Penguins! Penguins! Penguins!"

Then he climbed down and said, referring to our assignments, "Sometimes people do things that don't make any sense."

...
I hated being a music major.

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Alpha Omicron
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Alpha Omicron » Wed Sep 17, 2008 12:54 pm UTC

Kachi wrote:Prof: Semen is actually comprised largely of sugars.
Girl: If it's made of sugar, then why doesn't it taste sweet?
Class: *laughs*
Girl: *hurriedly gets up and leaves out of embarrassment*
As she is going out the door...
Prof: Because the taste buds for sweetness aren't in the back of the mouth.

This one has shown up here before (maybe this thread). It's
a) Almost certainly fictional
b) Inaccurate, as the different-areas-taste-different-tastes thing is a myth.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Gojoe » Wed Sep 17, 2008 1:10 pm UTC

I think that it is on bash...
michaelandjimi wrote:Oh Mr Gojoe
I won't make fun of your mojo.
Though in this fora I serenade you
I really only do it to aid you.
*Various positive comments on your masculinity
That continue on into infinity*

Feeble accompanying guitar.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Kachi » Wed Sep 17, 2008 2:37 pm UTC

This one has shown up here before (maybe this thread). It's
a) Almost certainly fictional
b) Inaccurate, as the different-areas-taste-different-tastes thing is a myth.


On A, I can't say. Like I said, it was a Reader's Digest submission that was probably 5-10 years old. I wouldn't be surprised if it were true and made its way around the internet. Nor would I be surprised if it were fictional, but "almost certainly" is hardly an assessment that can be backed up.

On B, yes, but a common myth, and not entirely baseless, as different areas of the tongue do have different taste sensitivity.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby carbohydrated » Wed Sep 17, 2008 3:00 pm UTC

My chemistry teacher has a quote he likes to repeat at least once every class, and I'm not sure if it'll lose some of the awesome through translation. It goes:

"A lingering smile is the sign of creeping insanity"


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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby MotorToad » Wed Sep 17, 2008 4:18 pm UTC

Alpha Omicron wrote:This one has shown up here before (maybe this thread). It's
a) Almost certainly fictional

It's older than the internet. I heard it the first time in 1986, and it was probably old enough to drink then. The thing I find most surprising about this gag is that it's popular enough that its etymology should be widely known, but it still keeps popping up -- and people present it as being new.

*Two minutes on Google*

Snopes says the "taste buds" bit started in '97.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Robert'); DROP TABLE *; » Wed Sep 17, 2008 6:10 pm UTC

Teacher wrote:[Someone's surname]! -5 Ice warrior credits!
...And that is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby airtank » Thu Sep 18, 2008 8:40 pm UTC

Dr. Brenden Kelly, Ethics in Communication

In a discussion about personal property/personal space:

Dr. Kelly: "And how do you respect other students?"
Student: "Don't touch them."
Dr. Kelly: "Don't touch them? But how will we make new students?"
Image

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby wst » Thu Sep 18, 2008 9:47 pm UTC

ONe of my chemistry teachers has started using a German accent now...

Oh, when someone in my group accurately figured out an answer (first person in 3 years to do so), he got given a wordsearch by same teacher. Every now and again we hear 'Well done, give that man a wordsearch.'

He also threw his thesis onto someone's desk. And explained that he blew up 3 microwaves during his research for it. (Something about plasma and microwaves)
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Cynical Idealist » Thu Sep 18, 2008 11:31 pm UTC

J. Kooi:
"I'm ranting, hold on!"
And: "I throw stuff."
He also wanted to share the most...unique...sentence from the worst paper he has ever had the misfortune of grading:
There so many possibilities that they actual come being doing everything we are and more.

He then told us that whoever could say the whole thing with a straight face would get 5 points of extra credit. Nobody managed it.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Cooley » Fri Sep 19, 2008 6:13 pm UTC

you must not have had a lot of theater kids in that room. :D

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Mr_Meister » Sat Sep 20, 2008 1:11 am UTC

My history teacher stunned the class somewhat a couple of days ago:

"It's a bit like kissing your sister really..."
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby aligator1 » Sat Sep 20, 2008 6:31 am UTC

i like it how when you get into you last couple of years at high school the teachers start treating you differently, it makes for lots of quotable things said lol.
my english teacher was fond of the sayings 'nasty pastie' and 'clever clogs'. oh and he also came to class one day and asked us to be quiet, as he'd 'accidentally' finished a bottle of wine marking homework the night before

there are quite a few from my chem teacher;
'R.S!' (i think he got it mixed up with B.S. meaning (in the nicest way) bull feces)
'Shit loads of the stuff!' his reply when someone questioned whether we would have enough of a chemical to go around
'You lost the plot man!!!' i think someone had stuffed up a titration or something
for a few weeks he would also turn up to class 5-10 minutes late consistently because he got annoyed with us chatting and being late at the beginning of the lessons

and my music teacher spelt piano like 'pino' on the board

also on assembly one day a teacher said a dirty joke whilst addressing everyone... there are two types people that shouldn't pull dirty jokes, your parents, and your teachers

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Cooley » Sat Sep 20, 2008 6:39 am UTC

hey, teachers and parents are people, too. They've made their share of dirty jokes when they were young/immature, but some keep right on doing it. Go them!

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Poochy
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Poochy » Sat Sep 20, 2008 6:42 am UTC

Just remembered one from a former band director:

"p" does not mean "powerful", and "mp" does not mean "more power". And "pp" does not mean "I have to go to the bathroom."
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby niteice » Sat Sep 20, 2008 3:09 pm UTC

On that note, a friend's band director had to invent a new dynamic for playing outside: "rfl", for "REALLY FUCKING LOUD".

This was actually written on their music.
Last edited by niteice on Sun Sep 21, 2008 3:53 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby pkuky » Sat Sep 20, 2008 8:23 pm UTC

my french history teacher (known for his love of napoleon):
a guy didn't know anything on a test. so he covered it all with "napoleon's the king, napoleon's the king,..."

he got it with a big X and under it
napoleon was an emperor.

also: "the six day war, is like love. sometimes it only lasts six days".

he also forbids us to read tolstoy because he insults napoleon.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby z4lis » Sun Sep 21, 2008 6:50 am UTC

I will add a quote from my physics professor, who was talking about Aristotle at the time:

"Being wrong is OK if you go far beyond all the wrongness before."

It got a chuckle out the class.
What they (mathematicians) define as interesting depends on their particular field of study; mathematical anaylsts find pain and extreme confusion interesting, whereas geometers are interested in beauty.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Meltz » Sun Sep 21, 2008 9:45 pm UTC

Hey - newbie here. I do have a couple great quotes from professors though:

"I am going to strip the skin from you and hang you upside-down from the bell tower!" - yeah, that was definitely my Professor for Biblical Literature

"Stupid IT don't know anything!" - My digital electronics professor (he's Korean)

and this one isn't from a professor, but rather an actual question in my text book for Circuits:
"Express the result of each of these complex-number manipulations in polar form, using six significant figures just for the PURE JOY of calculating"

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby PoohBear » Mon Sep 22, 2008 1:02 am UTC

"if i was being raped i would make myself as unappealing as possible. Id start drooling and squirming around and then shout out which std's i have, aids!, genital warts!, Scabs...it'll go easier when they brake open"

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Animenokyouran » Mon Sep 22, 2008 1:58 am UTC

This is a conversation between me and a teacher.

He: *steals chair from next to me*
Me: Oi! My invisible friend was sitting there!
He: *mock surprise* You have friends?!
Me: You're a teacher! You can't ever have friends again!

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Sirius B » Mon Sep 22, 2008 8:54 pm UTC

When a girl got up and started drawing the blinds in the classroom, my Philosophy teacher said "Are you a mushroom? Do you need the dark and the damp to thrive?". She was so confused she went back to her seat.

During an A Level Physics lesson on the subject of radioactive decay (or something), our teacher took some radioactive substances out of a box and said something along the lines of "Congratulations, any boys on the front row who aren't wearing lead cups in their pants, you won't have to use a condom again".

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Æshættr » Mon Sep 22, 2008 9:52 pm UTC

A quote from my high school physics teacher:
"Education is the process of telling progressively smaller lies."

I've found this to be very true since then.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby newtfreak » Mon Sep 22, 2008 10:17 pm UTC

"I didn't know it was mating season" said the teacher, as one of the guys in my technical drawing class got his thing on behind some unfortunate who bent over to pick up his pencil.

Awesome teacher he even let us make paper airplanes with A2 and A3 paper.

Oh and hey :)

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Silvyr » Mon Sep 22, 2008 11:26 pm UTC

In a psych class

Teacher: So I was in a plane, and they were like "to your right, you'll see the Grand Canyon." So I looked, and I was like, "Hey! Thats not the Grand Canyon! Thats more like the Stupid Canyon."

Of course this sent me into hysterics and I just about died laughing. XD not sure why. It wasn't really that funny.. just the way he randomly said it.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby anouk » Tue Sep 23, 2008 11:47 am UTC

my year 12 chem teacher referred to aluminum as 'congealed electricity' constantly, maybe not so funny, but the expression of barely contained enthusiasm was
Someone say something funny please, I need a new signature.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby fenrir_darkwolf » Wed Sep 24, 2008 1:32 am UTC

Last class there were a bunch of kids being loud in the hallways, my algebra proff runs out and yells "Tiho! (Russian for 'quiet') Okay? (English for 'okay')" I found it quite amusing :D.
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-Richard Feynman


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