Awesome Teacher Quotes

The school experience. School related queries, discussions, and stories that aren't specific to a subject.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby ForgeLineage » Tue Jul 08, 2008 4:57 am UTC

Upon hearing a student say Something to the effect of dumbass, my english teacher correct him by saying "If you are going to curse, at least be inventive. Use something like anal leakage."

That became the class curse, though we became very good at creative cursing.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Intercept » Wed Jul 09, 2008 7:12 pm UTC

Somebody asked my biology teacher how scientists know things like the annual rainfall over the Arctic circle. His response: Magical measuring gnomes!

The same teacher also decided that evaporation and transpiration are incredibly similar so he just fused them to make one word: evapotranspiration.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby stewie » Wed Jul 09, 2008 8:19 pm UTC

Intercept wrote:The same teacher also decided that evaporation and transpiration are incredibly similar so he just fused them to make one word: evapotranspiration.


I think that's actually a word; http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evapotranspiration
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Intercept » Wed Jul 09, 2008 8:25 pm UTC

stewie wrote:
Intercept wrote:The same teacher also decided that evaporation and transpiration are incredibly similar so he just fused them to make one word: evapotranspiration.


I think that's actually a word; http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evapotranspiration


Huh, that's crazy. He seemed like he was confident that it was a word, but it wasn't in our textbooks or dictionaries. Also, spell check on here says evapotranspiration is not a word. Interesting. I guess it is though, strange. Maybe it's a fairly new word?
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby pseudoidiot » Thu Jul 10, 2008 6:50 pm UTC

Not so much awesome as just really hilarious..

Way back in high school, there was English and honors English (or however they named them). Anyhow, I was in the "honors" English and a friend of mine in the regular one. Apparently in one of their classes they were going over slang and such, and everyone was tossing out random slang words, and someone said "schlong!" At this point I should note that the English teacher was widely known to be a bit ditzy.

Anyhow, she stopped at that and explained she didn't know that word and asked what it meant. Noone having the balls to say what it was actually slang for, someone decided to tell her it was a mash-up of "so long." She bought it, and was later known to occasionally say to a departing class, "Bye, everyone! Schlong!"
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Mercurius » Thu Jul 10, 2008 8:46 pm UTC

From my International Security class, around October 2006:

"As I'm sure some of you are aware, the Government has floated the idea of using University staff in order to look out for students who may become interested in extremist Islam and thus enter a life of terrorism. So I am going to ask you just one question, to cover my own back: is anyone in here a terrorist? No? Nobody? Good. Right, that's that sorted then. On with our class."

Our University was filled with lecturers who had nothing but respect for our political leadership. 8)
You know, I'm not really sure what "socioeconomic class" I am. I'm richer than my parents, I don't have a real job, and my mannerisms tend to match up with whomever I'm talking to.

...is "con man" a social class?

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby EvanED » Fri Jul 11, 2008 4:11 am UTC

I just discovered this thread now. Which is a pity, because I have a metric crapload of quotes I've written down.

Most are spoilered for length, but a couple highlights.

First was a poli sci prof I had, during the first class (paraphrased; almost all of my other quotes were written down in class, so are probably basically word-perfect):
"Actually, this really bugs me, because I ordered the sixth edition for the bookstore because there are thousands of used copies floating around. However, the textbook company changed my order, without my permission, to the seventh edition. Textbook companies do... well, they do two things. First, they changed my order without my consent or knowledge. Second, when you sell your books, if they aren't going to be used the following semester, they are sold to whoever. Textbook companies buy them up and shred them to increase the market for new editions.

"Now, I normally don't give extra credit opportunities in this class. However, there might be something for anyone who wants to investigate any possible illegality, reglatory infractions, price fixing infringments, et cetra on the part of textbook publishers. So I might turn loose 360 of you students to write letters to representatives, the attorney general, and maybe some other people."


Then there was the prof of my honors programming languages class (many more highlights below):
"If the Red Sox wins the World Series, everyone gets an 'A' in the class."
(Said when they were down 0-3 to the Yankees in the 2004 playoffs. He later reneged saying he "couldn't change the syllabus.")


Spoiler:
Two quotes from my Sign Language prof:
"I don't stand up here and say I'm penis impaired."
(Explaining why Deaf people do not like the term "hearing impaired". This is the same professor who showed us the signs for "horny", "bitch", "masturbate", "whore", "sex", and probably a couple other signs I've forgotten by now. They were so that we could avoid making the sign inadvertently (e.g. the sign for "horny" is a very enthusiastic, repeated "hungry"), but still.)

"I'm not gonna penalize you for not being able to vote if you're not old enough, not a citizen, uh, if you're a felon..."
(When saying we should register to vote so we could vote so we could get extra credit)


Technical writing prof (didn't really like her):
"That's a good question. Let's spend about two minutes on it. I think it's worth it. Maybe even three." [Not sarcastically as far as I could tell]


Computer architecture [this guy was a real love-him or hate-him type of guy]
"In array of processors, if I organize data and blah blah blah blah"

"If jumping off the roof is too much, I have poison in the office"

"In a very civilized fashion. With a check. No, cash is better. Come to my office."
(On the manner in which to resolve grading disputes)

"Why did I ask this question?"
"Because you don't like us?"
"That's beside the point."

"It will give me the distinct pleasure of giving zeros."


Game theory:
"This is where I suddenly become as incompetent as you."

"Oh, I haven't told you my office hours. No wonder no one's been coming."
(During the third class, before he gave out the type of info that is usually found at the top of the syllabus you get in classes where the prof is actually organized)

"There are infinitely many. So if you don't have infinitely many, keep looking. Of course, you won't list them all, or you won't be done by Tuesday."

"I sort of expect you to be able to think."
(On what would be expected on the final)


And honors programming languages (great prof):
"A survivor of my first year seminar... and you're still in the major!"

"They stored data on reels of paper tape. You can actually find these in... museums."

"It's an example; we don't worry about how it works."

"Let's take a guess and say it's anything."

"The mean was about 73, which is actually pretty high for my exams."
(This is an honors class, keep that in mind.)

"People kind of confidant they can go off and write the code? Good, so let's make it harder."

"I can sort of formalize what that is: the most general unifier means all others are more specific."

"Apparently I didn't read the book. Well, I did, but I didn't read it carefully."

"I don't really care what the answer is."

"And of course there's nothing preventing someone from being both male and female."
(See the following quote)

"Prolog allows you to represent your logic no matter how twisted it is."

"What I'm going to show you now is probably the worst sorting algorithm ever."
(Again, see the following quote)

"This is your basic, exponential time sorting algorithm."

Student: "We're missing C#."
Prof: "No we're not."
(While listing OO languages)

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby ajxuereb » Fri Jul 11, 2008 4:30 am UTC

This is the wise words of my computers teacher:

"You do realize that in real life when you shoot someone with a machine gun, they die"

"If, when you're watching these videos, you hear a little voice in the back of your head saying "Gee, these videos are out of date!", just think of it as the history of the universe"
"Fancy shmancy transparent 3D thing"
"Saying that the website, oh, needs to go on 'Pimp My Ride' is not a suff-sufficent answer"
"Sometimes I can't clickkity click or pluggity plug your problems away. I'm an old school programming old guy."
"Every line ends in a ';' unless it doesn't end in a ';'"
"Mr. Manuel, I got a fatal error." <- student(steve)
"YIKES!! Fatal error? Well it was nice knowing you Steve." <-Teacher
Today is a work period today. You all know what you need to work on. *begins twitching uncontrollably* TEST ON FRI! TEST ON FRI! TEST ON FRI! *stops twitching* just reminding you you have a test this Friday."


Here is the careers teacher in a nutshell:

"i have a boat"
"i'm a freelance musician"
"i have a boat"
"i'm a freelance musician"
"did i mention i'm a freelance musician?"

on a side note, im pretty sure his boat sank.

English teacher:
"The cutest things always get put down first"
"Don't put a french fry in your eye."

I think thats about all the ones worth mentioning.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby EvanED » Fri Jul 11, 2008 4:42 pm UTC

Oh, I forgot one from my high school chem teacher! THat class has a lot of stories, but there is only one succinct quote I can remember. She was doing methane bubbles -- like those blowing bubble things you did as a kid, but using gas from the methane outlets -- and had someone standing on her desk with a meter stick with a candle on the end popping them, when she says, "Get them when they're closer to the ceiling! They make such neat patterns!"

Guess that explains in part why the ceiling over her desk was somewhat discolored...

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Intercept » Fri Jul 11, 2008 6:38 pm UTC

EvanED wrote:Oh, I forgot one from my high school chem teacher! THat class has a lot of stories, but there is only one succinct quote I can remember. She was doing methane bubbles -- like those blowing bubble things you did as a kid, but using gas from the methane outlets -- and had someone standing on her desk with a meter stick with a candle on the end popping them, when she says, "Get them when they're closer to the ceiling! They make such neat patterns!"

Guess that explains in part why the ceiling over her desk was somewhat discolored...


My chem teacher did the same thing. The ceiling above his desk was burnt black.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby sje46 » Fri Jul 11, 2008 8:26 pm UTC

This isn't exactly a quote . . ..
[exposition]I had a physics teacher who was really a weird guy. At one point he made us make christmas kazoos and go to other classrooms and play christmas carols for them. He also told a lot of jokes and he gave us crosswords and stuff, and for each correct answer he would add .1 points to our final grade for the term, so that on average our grade would jump 2 or 3 points for each one. But I did learn a lot in that class[/exposition]

Anyway, he was telling us a story about when he was our age. He made us promise not to tell anyone else. He said that he used to have a motorcycle, and he went up north and stopped at a restaurant (I forgot the specifics of the story), and I guess a big lumber truck ran into his motorcycle and continued driving. So my teacher called up his brother and he picked him up, and apparently they found the lumber truck not far away, parked.
"Wht did you do?" my class asked.

"What do you think? We got some gasoline and burned it down."

HAhahahaha!!

I probably butchered the story, but the fact remains that my teacher urned down a logging truck when he was a kid. And I believe him.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Rakysh » Sat Jul 12, 2008 5:45 pm UTC

Intercept wrote:
My chem teacher did the same thing. The ceiling above his desk was burnt black.


Every one of our science rooms has a massive black smudge on the ceiling where each class is shown exactly why we don't put water on a chip pan fire.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby ParanoidAndroid » Sun Jul 13, 2008 7:16 am UTC

My physics and calculus teacher was awesome. The whole class was convinced that he was a spy during the Cold War or something. He taught college level calculus, physics, and German. He speaks Spanish, Italian, Russian, and German. He's also a skilled programer. Plus, his name is Narkinsky and we've confirmed that he worked with the CIA in classified matters in some capacity.

Student: have you ever met another Narkinsky?
Mr. N: No, but i've met many Narinskys (writes in Russian on the board)... see this is Narinsky, but the people at immigration couldn't read it and spelled in Narkinsky
Student: so, why did you learn Russian in college?
Mr. N: well... i can't exactly tell you that....

Student: Have you ever invented anything?
Nark: Well...not anything of much worth.
...starts to go on with lesson
Student: wait, so you have invented something?!
Nark: Well...I did invent a calcululator once...I mean...a computer...out of popsicle sticks

"I made the mistake today of trying to do this problem with Andrew..."

Josh: Is the derivative 3x?
Nark: Yes
Josh: Ok....so the right answer is number 5?
Nark: Yes
Josh: And that is number 6 on the board right?
Nark: Yes
Josh: Have you ever killed someone?
Nark: (Doesn't answer)

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby sje46 » Sun Jul 13, 2008 7:56 am UTC

ParanoidAndroid wrote:My physics and calculus teacher was awesome. The whole class was convinced that he was a spy during the Cold War or something. He taught college level calculus, physics, and German. He speaks Spanish, Italian, Russian, and German. He's also a skilled programer. Plus, his name is Narkinsky and we've confirmed that he worked with the CIA in classified matters in some capacity.

Student: have you ever met another Narkinsky?
Mr. N: No, but i've met many Narinskys (writes in Russian on the board)... see this is Narinsky, but the people at immigration couldn't read it and spelled in Narkinsky
Student: so, why did you learn Russian in college?
Mr. N: well... i can't exactly tell you that....

Student: Have you ever invented anything?
Nark: Well...not anything of much worth.
...starts to go on with lesson
Student: wait, so you have invented something?!
Nark: Well...I did invent a calcululator once...I mean...a computer...out of popsicle sticks

"I made the mistake today of trying to do this problem with Andrew..."

Josh: Is the derivative 3x?
Nark: Yes
Josh: Ok....so the right answer is number 5?
Nark: Yes
Josh: And that is number 6 on the board right?
Nark: Yes
Josh: Have you ever killed someone?
Nark: (Doesn't answer)

"Ave you ever killed someone?"
(doesn't answer)

Hahahha!

I know that you just wrote that at the end of your comment, but it deserve to be written again. That's funny.

I had a teacher that apparently was a sniper during the Vietnam war.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby calebnotcable » Sun Jul 13, 2008 8:15 am UTC

My physics teacher, Dr. Ficht, has definitely established himself as the most quotable teacher at my school!
-
My good friend Morgan: "Hey Dr. Ficht, what'cha gonna do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk?"
Dr. Ficht: [pauses] "Well... I'll use that junk to give you more homework."
-
"Here class, it's your ohmwork!" (As he is handing out our circuitry homework)
-
When you go to Mexico, the only two things you need to know in Spanish are 'donde esta el bano,' and 'donde esta la cerveza?'"
-
"This is a physics class, not a microbiology class." (After one student made a crude joke about his apparently well-endowed nature)

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby thinglie » Sun Jul 13, 2008 11:12 am UTC

I need there to be both geekier students and teachers in my school.

That said, we had a Systems teacher once who used to welcome new students by quoting Monty Python and throwing hammers at them.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby NuclearWinter » Sun Jul 13, 2008 6:29 pm UTC

My calculus II teacher last semester who has a heavy British accent was going over a particularly hard problem asking us where the function was concave down and when no one answered he said "You could have just given me the smartass answer and said where its not concave up"

He also spent about 10 minutes explaining how a 3D figure reminded him of a bundt cake he saw in Shop Rite
I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do. ~ R. A. Heinlein

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Mr. Beck » Sun Jul 13, 2008 6:46 pm UTC

sje46 wrote:
ParanoidAndroid wrote:Josh: Have you ever killed someone?
Nark: (Doesn't answer)

"Ave you ever killed someone?"
(doesn't answer)

Hahahha!

I know that you just wrote that at the end of your comment, but it deserve to be written again. That's funny.

I had a teacher that apparently was a sniper during the Vietnam war.

One of my teachers at my school fought in Iraq.
The only time he got really hurt was when he brushed against a downed power line- stopped his heart and put him in the hospital for two weeks.
The best part is that when he got out, his buddies had got his army hat embroidered with "Shocker" in both English and Arabic.

(He has some pretty scary things to say on the mental conditioning the military gives you. I think one of his quotes was posted here many pages ago.)

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby bert5412 » Mon Jul 14, 2008 2:24 am UTC

My American History teacher in 9th grade was giving a lesson on voting rights. he gave us a chronology including when the amendment was added that let women vote and blacks vote. I asked why the 24th amendment which banned poll taxes wasn't on the list. He was an intelligent teacher but for some reason he forcefully denied that there was any such amendment. He said that the poll tax was declared unconstitutional decades before womens suffrage and all that. After he made an ass out of himself and made me feel like a dumb ass, a couple of kids checked the book to find that i was right.
coincidentally the teacher retired after the year was over.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby asteroid54 » Mon Jul 14, 2008 3:42 am UTC

"Respect the buns. Because without them there would be slices of sausage fluttering around everywhere."

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby pseudoidiot » Mon Jul 14, 2008 2:26 pm UTC

From one of my favorite professors ever who taught the only unix classes on campus (which were usually at 7:30am).

(paraphrasing) "Go easy on me today, I'm recovering from a bit of the brown bottle flu." (a hangover reference for anyone who doesn't get it).

And, not from a teacher per say, but this seems a fitting enough place. From one of my Drill Sergeants in Basic Training

"You ever been skull-fucked private? No? You wanna be?"

(I don't remember what he'd been talking about previous to this, but boiled down to telling us all not to do something. "... and, males, if you do I'll rip your nuts off. Don't laugh, females, that goes for you, too. You have balls, they're just a little deeper, they're called ovaries." (He apparently got in trouble for the second part. It's okay to talk about ripping balls off, but not ripping ovaries out? Seriously? I thought it was pretty funny, myself.)
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Iori_Yagami » Wed Jul 16, 2008 11:58 am UTC

1st.
Our not quite teacher (how is that called in English - someone who does not teach a subject, but organizes, watches over pupils, manages trips and events, and gives advice?) said a very deep thing once, to us dumb ending year students who would have to make big choices soon - "If you do not want to know anything, then you WILL succeed in this!"

2nd Language teacher. Well, you know sometimes there are those 'group tasks', right? And the usual problems with making actual groups - there is a smart head in the group and all others just pretend they do something. Groups being formed unequal. Leftover students, whom noone wants to pick in their group...
She solved it, by making choices on random criteria. "Now, those who have dog as a pet, go to first group. Cat - to second. A bird - third. Those who have no pets or other pets - to fourth..."
"If number of letters in your surname is 6 to 8, first group. Less than that - second. More - third".
It's all quite fun in itself, but real mega fun bomb made me and my friend into laughing monkeys for a couple of days. She said: "Now, we have to divide into group. I want it to be fair. So, it will be very democratic: those who live in 1-room flat, group 1. Those who live in 2-room flat - second. ... Who live in 4-room+ flat - fourth."...
I and my friend burst out immediately. Strangely, other students didn't understand. "Why do you find it funny?"
I thought... and said: "Hmmmm, there is really nothing to laugh about. Those are true democratic principles, just like in the real world..." At this point my friend almost fell off his chair.... :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Master Gunner » Wed Jul 16, 2008 8:49 pm UTC

My brother just got out of Boot Camp, and he told me a few stories.

Apparently one time, an officer cadet or something was leading his platoon, and she was, to paraphrase my brother "incompetent". Basically, while still in ranks of three, they were supposed to go into a hanger, but the officer cadet didn't give them the order to come to a marching stop or whatever it's called so the hanger door could be opened, so they had to go through the smaller door. Obviously, they attempted to go through in single file, but the Drill Sargent told them not to, something along the lines of "You will get through that door, and you will not break rank!", so my brother (who is incredibly skinny), was fortunate enough to have to of the smaller recruits to each side of him, so he manged to grab them and plow through the door. Others were not so lucky. In the end, like so many other times apparently, the Drill Sargent declared:

"THIS DRILL IS A NATIONAL DISASTER!"

Also, referring to a bed not up to standard (not my brothers)

"THIS BED IS A THREAT TO NATIONAL SECURITY!"

He was quite fond of that kind of statement it seems.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Kithplana » Thu Jul 17, 2008 2:47 am UTC

Quoth the awesomest Cisco instructor ever, "In this class you will become intimately familiar with the ass end of a router." And we did.

However...
Awe"some\, a. 1. Causing awe; appalling; awful; as, an awesome sight. --Wright.

2. Expressive of awe or terror.


These also qualify. I had a sub for psychology class one day. He knew nothing about psychology but he tried miserably anyway. Epic fail resulted.

1. As we were drawing pictures of our goals in life, some people were talking in the corner. Sub didn't like this. "Are we in grade school now?" A crueler person than I may have held up her Aspirational Picture and said yes.
2. "You didn't know that I was almost famous, did you? I would be famous if I got on Oprah." He has a book about starting one's career, which he told us he wasn't trying to sell to us moments before he started talking about it anyway. He also has a thing about Oprah.
3. While psychoanalyzing our Aspirational Pictures: "Your pickup [truck] has small wheels. Do you not like it?" Hint: While the school has a lot of game art students, this class is disproportionately devoid of them.
4. "I wish the Internet was as clean and pure as the telephone." Exhibit A: 1-900 numbers. Exhibit B: Camera phones.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby dragongrrl » Sun Jul 20, 2008 11:13 am UTC

My Maths B teacher [the guy who uses whiteboard markers to write messages on windows], on multiple ways to solve problems:

Teacher: like they say, there's more than one way to skin a cat.
Cat-loving student: But sir, that's horrible!
Teacher: [unfazed] Okay then, there's more than one way to club a baby seal. I don't care how you club it - you can use a golf club, a cricket bat, or a baseball bat, and you can swing as hard as you like, but I want the end result to be the club of your choice in one hand and a clubbed baby seal in the other.

//class is in shocked silence

Teacher: so, continuing on...


And my physics teacher. He is a fountain of awesome quotes. We're a fairly small class [total of nine or ten], so we get away with murder. It's not unheard of for us to play games all lesson, or to pull out our mobile phones to answer calls [phones are banned at my school], and him not to do a thing. This teacher is the one that uses cats in every last example he can because he hates them [childhood trauma, we get subjected to a story of his childhood at least once a lesson]. This particular lesson, we were learning the basics of gravity, how far things go with how much they weigh, basic stuff. And one kid, James, was being a real pain.

Mr. Campbell: so if we take this cat, and we set it on fire--
//James interrupts
Mr. Campbell: Right, that's it. We're going to go outside now and take James, set him on fire, put him in the catapult, and fire him across the oval. If the flaming James weighs 80kg, and we fire him with x amount of force, where do we place the mattress so that he misses it by that much and smashes into the rocky patch?

He still owes us a catapult-making session.

Another time he managed to electrocute himself with a supposedly switched off computer tower. He then ran around the class with the computer tower chasing us for a good ten minutes.

I got awesome teachers :P
Teacher: "Right, you are no longer allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of your actions."

Damn. There goes my education.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Daemon » Sun Jul 20, 2008 11:18 am UTC

Science teacher from yr 7:

"YOU'RE NOT HERE TO LEARN - YOU'RE HERE TO DO AS YOU'RE TOLD!!!"

that guy was a dick. he used to make us stand up when he entered the room. good news - he was asked to leave after a term :lol:

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Ramses IV
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Ramses IV » Mon Jul 21, 2008 2:06 am UTC

dragongrrl wrote:
Spoiler:
My Maths B teacher [the guy who uses whiteboard markers to write messages on windows], on multiple ways to solve problems:

Teacher: like they say, there's more than one way to skin a cat.
Cat-loving student: But sir, that's horrible!
Teacher: [unfazed] Okay then, there's more than one way to club a baby seal. I don't care how you club it - you can use a golf club, a cricket bat, or a baseball bat, and you can swing as hard as you like, but I want the end result to be the club of your choice in one hand and a clubbed baby seal in the other.

//class is in shocked silence

Teacher: so, continuing on...


And my physics teacher. He is a fountain of awesome quotes. We're a fairly small class [total of nine or ten], so we get away with murder. It's not unheard of for us to play games all lesson, or to pull out our mobile phones to answer calls [phones are banned at my school], and him not to do a thing. This teacher is the one that uses cats in every last example he can because he hates them [childhood trauma, we get subjected to a story of his childhood at least once a lesson]. This particular lesson, we were learning the basics of gravity, how far things go with how much they weigh, basic stuff. And one kid, James, was being a real pain.

Mr. Campbell: so if we take this cat, and we set it on fire--
//James interrupts
Mr. Campbell: Right, that's it. We're going to go outside now and take James, set him on fire, put him in the catapult, and fire him across the oval. If the flaming James weighs 80kg, and we fire him with x amount of force, where do we place the mattress so that he misses it by that much and smashes into the rocky patch?

He still owes us a catapult-making session.

Another time he managed to electrocute himself with a supposedly switched off computer tower. He then ran around the class with the computer tower chasing us for a good ten minutes.

I got awesome teachers :P


I am jealous...
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benjhuey wrote:Ramses IV is dead to me, though I don't know how I didn't notice he had already been dead for 3000 years. Ancient Egyptian magic or somethin'.

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Poochy
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Poochy » Mon Jul 21, 2008 4:26 am UTC

Daemon wrote:that guy was a dick. he used to make us stand up when he entered the room.

That actually reminds me of another one. For a much of high school, I was taking both Japanese and Spanish in the same term. Now, the Japanese teachers would ask their classes to stand up and bow at the start of class, much like the tradition in Japanese schools. Also, one of my Japanese teachers had a great sense of humor, and the same teacher also did some occasional substitute teaching.

So, one day, we were in Spanish class a couple minutes before class started, wondering where our teacher was, since she'd usually be there pretty early. Right after the bell sounded, my aforementioned Japanese teacher (who turned out to be the sub) proceeded to walk into the room and immediately announce, "MINASAN! TATTE KUDASAI!" ("Everyone! Please stand!") and asked us to bow, knowing full well that it wasn't a Japanese class. :lol:

I've also heard of the same teacher doing that when subbing for an English class. Suffice it to say, there's a reason why I went out of my way to get into his classes.
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GENERATION 63,728,127: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig and divide the generation number by 2 if it's even, or multiply it by 3 then add 1 if it's odd. Social experiment.

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Ramses IV
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Ramses IV » Mon Jul 21, 2008 10:41 pm UTC

I had a sub in kindergarten (Imagine! I still remember!) who made us stand when any adult entered the room. And she had us call everyone "sir" or "ma'am".Oh, and if she asked you any yes or no question, you had to answer "yes ma'am" regardless of whether the answer was yes or not.
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benjhuey wrote:Ramses IV is dead to me, though I don't know how I didn't notice he had already been dead for 3000 years. Ancient Egyptian magic or somethin'.

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dragongrrl
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby dragongrrl » Tue Jul 22, 2008 6:50 am UTC

new awesome quotes!

Today in chemistry [yr 11 chem, btw], we were continuing our unit on organic chemistry. I'm pretty sure most of you would know what that is [carbons, hydrocarbons, that kind of stuff], and for those who don't, it's basically the chemistry behind everyday things like alcohols, the -ane/-ene stuff [propane, ethene, etc]. Now in organic chemistry, there are what's known as functional groups. Some people were having trouble grasping the concept of functional groups, and the teacher got really annoyed.

Teacher: [grabs a metre-long whiteboard ruler and points it at the OH bond, yelling] THIS is a functional group. [Points it at us] THIS is a DYSfunctional group. Do you get it now??


Suffice to say, everyone can remember what functional groups are now.

And as most good chemists know, there are thousands upon millions of variations of hydrocarbons. Unless you have terminal boredom or a death wish, you don't try to count them all. Some people in my class really don't have a grasp of reality, though.

Rob: Sir, how do they know how many hydrocarbons there are? Does someone sit down and count them all?
Teacher: No, they add them all up with maths.
Rob: But they're scientists, not mathematicians!
Teacher [who's an organic chemist]: If you work with organic chemicals, you're high half the time anyway, so the maths comes pretty easy.


We are now known as a dysfunctional group led by a high teacher.

No doubt more quotes to come in weeks to follow! :mrgreen:
Teacher: "Right, you are no longer allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of your actions."

Damn. There goes my education.

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partyofnone
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby partyofnone » Tue Jul 22, 2008 5:15 pm UTC

In my senior year in high school I was an aide for an Earth Science teacher who rarely had anything for me to do, so I would go upstairs to this awesome Oceanography teacher's room and hang out with him his aide, Kathleen (a girl I happen to be completely, stupidly, ridiculously in love with), and set up labs or get into silly arguments or just sit and read. Since this was first period and he didn't have a class, other teachers would come in before they had their chance to drink their morning coffee or sleep off their hangover a bit more at their desks. This makes for interesting times.

B (oceanography teacher) is showing Ms. W. a slideshow, when he's done with the first slide, it flips around and goes to the next one
Ms. W: Ooh, flippy-dippy! [flailing hand-speech]

Someone mentions mushrooms growing in their brother's dresser.
Me: Ugh, I hate mushrooms.
B: So does my wife. In fact, she was our DM in college and decided that druids, something she also hates, tasted like mushrooms.
Kathleen: [raises one eyebrow]
Me: [would have raised one eyebrow if she could]
B: What? She was a dragon...
-Later-
Mrs. B walks in: Ugh! You know what I hate?
Kathleen: Mushrooms?
Mrs. B: Uhm... Yes... But [goes on to say what she hates, then glares at B] Why do they know I hate mushrooms?
B: I told them about druids.
Mrs. B: [stone-faced] Daniel. I am never going to show you anything ever again. [walks out]
B: Noooooo!
Mrs. B: [walks back in, stands in doorway] And it's not druids, it's their souls. [walks out]

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Sudo-Fu
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Sudo-Fu » Tue Jul 22, 2008 6:40 pm UTC

Mrs. Hoffelt, our calc teacher:

"So then, I was like, 'Why don't i just cut off the skirt, stand on a street corner and pay for my own damn plane ticket home?' "

oh, dear god. I wish I had been there, but at that time, I wasn't smart enough to take calc. I heard about it from my sister.
Wait..... what??

nsmjohn
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby nsmjohn » Tue Jul 22, 2008 7:18 pm UTC

partyofnone wrote:Someone mentions mushrooms growing in their brother's dresser.
Me: Ugh, I hate mushrooms.
B: So does my wife. In fact, she was our DM in college and decided that druids, something she also hates, tasted like mushrooms.
Kathleen: [raises one eyebrow]
Me: [would have raised one eyebrow if she could]
B: What? She was a dragon...
-Later-
Mrs. B walks in: Ugh! You know what I hate?
Kathleen: Mushrooms?
Mrs. B: Uhm... Yes... But [goes on to say what she hates, then glares at B] Why do they know I hate mushrooms?
B: I told them about druids.
Mrs. B: [stone-faced] Daniel. I am never going to show you anything ever again. [walks out]
B: Noooooo!
Mrs. B: [walks back in, stands in doorway] And it's not druids, it's their souls. [walks out]

Um.... WTF? Funny as hell... but seriously, WTF?
Gojoe wrote:Well, I would say something here, but it would only make it worse.


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partyofnone
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby partyofnone » Wed Jul 23, 2008 4:47 pm UTC

nsmjohn wrote:Um.... WTF? Funny as hell... but seriously, WTF?

I don't understand the question...

Are you WTFing about the brother's abundance of fungi?
Or the absurdity of the teachers' conversation in general?
Do you have some sort of affinity for mushrooms and/or druids and don't believe Mrs. B. doesn't like them?

Back to the topic...
I had a guitar teacher who was looking for a new guitar, one with a really long neck (i.e., more frets, more frets equals a guitar capable of playing a much higher note).
Student: Why do you need that?
Teacher: So I can get high! [realizes, performs headdesk]

nsmjohn
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby nsmjohn » Wed Jul 23, 2008 9:53 pm UTC

partyofnone wrote:
nsmjohn wrote:Um.... WTF? Funny as hell... but seriously, WTF?

I don't understand the question...

Are you WTFing about the brother's abundance of fungi?
Or the absurdity of the teachers' conversation in general?
Do you have some sort of affinity for mushrooms and/or druids and don't believe Mrs. B. doesn't like them?

The second one. The majority of the convesation just doesn't compute. Druids... taste like mushrooms... Something about their souls...

My head hurts.

Wait, something just clicked... or snapped... and I realized this was in reference to D&D, still makes my head spin though.
Gojoe wrote:Well, I would say something here, but it would only make it worse.


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partyofnone
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby partyofnone » Wed Jul 23, 2008 10:51 pm UTC

nsmjohn wrote:The second one. The majority of the convesation just doesn't compute. Druids... taste like mushrooms... Something about their souls...

My head hurts.

Wait, something just clicked... or snapped... and I realized this was in reference to D&D, still makes my head spin though.


Breathe deeply, dear.

What you do is open your desk drawer, put your hand in, count to three and slam it really hard. Ta-da! No more spinning head. :)

mmx49
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby mmx49 » Thu Jul 24, 2008 8:03 am UTC

No, don't do it! It's a trap!

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evansentranced
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby evansentranced » Thu Jul 24, 2008 4:49 pm UTC

My old AP US History teacher was a tiny little man from one of the 'stans. One of his other students brought in a picture of the lead singer of System of a Down, and he agreed that he was probably Serg's long lost grandfather.
He also once told us that one of the cabinets in the back of the room was filled with machine guns and that he wanted us to incite a rebellion and take over the school. He told us he had a flag made up and every thing, with a giant W on it (we called him Mr. Wu for short), and that all we needed to do was make it to the rooftops and raise our flag. Then he explained how we would take out the police and the National Guard in a bloody battle and eventually we'd end up in a state of Martial Law and he would tell the principal that we had kidnapped him when we were finally taken down.
He let us do just about anything in that class. We brought a giant box to class once, and he let us make a fort during a test.
At one point, he brought in a video of Jimmy Hendrix at Woodstock, and paused it about halfway through and pointed out someone in the crowd that he claimed was the other history teacher, "The Depraved Mr. Connor". They had a rivalry going, Wu told us that Connor was a Nazi, and at one point, Connor actually showed up in our classroom wearing a paper hat and Mr. Wu declared him a member of the Klu Klux Klan and told us all that this was what our school was coming to.

nsmjohn
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby nsmjohn » Thu Jul 24, 2008 5:23 pm UTC

mmx49 wrote:No, don't do it! It's a trap!

Speaking of traps.

I had a high school physics teacher who was a Nuclear Engineer. To get him off track for an entire lesson we would ask him to explain what happened at Chernobyl and 3 Mile Island. He would go into the this long explanation of all the control mechanisms and what different people should have been doing and then would summarize the entire explanation of what went wrong by circling one person on the diagram and saying "this guy was an idiot".
Gojoe wrote:Well, I would say something here, but it would only make it worse.


Castro
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Castro » Thu Jul 24, 2008 6:19 pm UTC

I had one teacher who was "out there" to say the least. I wish I had wrote some of his quotes down, but I still remember a lot.
"If you give me a crap, I will crap on you... in more ways than one!"
"You... you... you look like a caaaaaaat!"
After my friend said "What's a battle?" in a Ralph Wiggum Voice, "It's you! It's you that's been playing these mind games with me!"
"You look like a pirate!"
"You have bad parents!"
He invented the "Problem of the Week", which he called the POW. He said "One of these days, we will have a day where we solve POWs... it'll be a POW Camp"
One day he shit his pants, yes, he actually did, and tried to cover it up. The room smelled horrible. His pants had turned brown in the rear, and the secretary came in to give him a note, and she whispered something to him, and he just yelled "It's paint!" then left the class room, returning that afternoon.
My friend had done some work in pen, so he flipped through my friend's binder ripping out every page that had pen on it, while saying "Garbeeg! Garbeeg! Garbeeg!" (his way of saying garbage).
"You're acting like a bunch of grade six year olds!"

I can't remember any more right now, but I'll post more later if I remember them.


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