I have a few good ones involving a biology teacher,
Lecturing on steroids, "you see, this is why Barry Bond's head has gotten so big,"
Student, "Really? I thought it was just because he was hitting so many home runs."
After coming two hours late to lab, a student walks in and quips, "sorry I'm late, my mother was in labor."
Knowing the students mother, who is also a science teacher, the teacher retorts, "I know your mother, and she definitely is not pregnant"
The student responds, "Yeah, but what does that have to do with her working late?"
After doing the lab, the student and the teacher talk, and the student asks, "could labor ever be used as a synonym for menopause?"
The teacher, not wanting to be outwitted again, responds, "Possibly, they both are equally a bitch."
Oooooh yeah, while in a class debating the morality of porn,
A bitchy female student, "porn is amoral, because it objectifies and exploits women and turns them into pieces meat."
Another student, "If porn objectifies women, then how do you explain gay porn? I mean, who is being objectified there? Really, a man getting paid a fraction of the wage of a woman to do equal work is the real sexism."
After a couple of laughs, he continued,
"But somebody has to be exploited in gay porn, right? But how do you decide who? Is it the one on top or the one on the bottom? Is it the guy going in or the guy coming out?"
Another student yells out, "I think those two are the same one!"
The first responds, "not necessarily."
Also in the same discussion,
Another bitchy student, "Porn is amoral because women are using their body for profit."
A student asks, "How is using your body for profit wrong? I mean, thats what sports stars do; what models do; hell, those competitive eating guys do the same thing. I mean, no one asks 'is this wrong' when Bobby Chestnut slides fifty hot dogs down his throat, but for some reason there's this huge uproar when Jenna Jameson does the same thing."
Same class, debating something to do with child pregnancy,
A meanspirited student, "any girl who gets pregnant at 11 is a complete dumbass so we shouldn't feel sorry for them."
Another retorts, "Jesus, the girl is 11, she probably watches Hannah Montana after getting ridden bareback; she obviously hasn't had the benefit of a strong, proper upbringing like you have so calling her a dumbass is pretty harsh."
On an economics test:
Discuss one economic advantage to the current higher gas prices.
Student: Drive-by shootings are down.
Also, this one never happened to me, but its so badass I have to include it:http://snopes.com/college/homework/unsolvable.asp