Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

The school experience. School related queries, discussions, and stories that aren't specific to a subject.

Moderators: gmalivuk, Moderators General, Prelates

HenryGifford
Posts: 152
Joined: Mon Nov 03, 2008 2:01 am UTC

Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby HenryGifford » Tue Jan 27, 2009 8:28 pm UTC

Well I've got smart friends in my Geometry class, but I guess (I'm not quite sure, they seem to think it,) I'm the best in the class, not to sound too cocky. My problem is that one of my best friends is in the class and frankly he's not very good. Not trying to be mean about it, but that's the case. Anyway, lately he's been I guess getting jealous of me and annoyed, apparently talking behind my back...

I'm just wondering if anyone knows what I should do about it, or if you've gone through the same sort of problem..
(BTW, 8th grade.)

Munzapoppa
Posts: 70
Joined: Mon Jan 19, 2009 3:47 pm UTC

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby Munzapoppa » Tue Jan 27, 2009 8:41 pm UTC

Well, if Geometry is an advanced 8th grade class in your school that not a lot of students get into (like it is in mine, only I'm not in it :( ), you should tell him that he's smart too if he's in that class. If you talk about how smart he is, it will make him less jealous of you.

keeperofdakeys
Posts: 658
Joined: Wed Oct 01, 2008 6:04 am UTC

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby keeperofdakeys » Wed Jan 28, 2009 6:41 am UTC

does he really want to do math?
if he does then TRY help him, if he doesn't then share some cynical snickers about math (I advise you cross your fingers for this, the math spirit will get you otherwise)

just maybe he may not be a good friend, friends come and go and some people I was friends with in yr. 8 I'm not anymore

User avatar
Durandal
Posts: 659
Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2007 12:12 am UTC

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby Durandal » Wed Jan 28, 2009 7:00 am UTC

You could make sure that it's your superior intelligence he takes issue with before, you know, jumping to that conclusion.

User avatar
Binks
Posts: 53
Joined: Thu Oct 02, 2008 10:31 pm UTC

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby Binks » Wed Jan 28, 2009 7:37 am UTC

I have the same problem, but it's because I'm a cocky dick and lack of effort. Just explain it's your nature to be smart, and help him if he needs it.

User avatar
Sungura
When life gives you banananas, make bananana bread
Posts: 3916
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2008 2:32 am UTC
Location: AL

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby Sungura » Wed Jan 28, 2009 1:27 pm UTC

Talk to him! Ask him! It could have nothing to do with you. He could be getting pressure from his parents, he could hate math and just not want to do it anymore, who knows! Or maybe it's not that you are smart, maybe you said something that he took totally the wrong way so now he's just ticked. Really. The thing I hated about middle school/high school/college/life in general is that when people seem mad/ticked about something, no one talks about it. It's the whisper whisper hush hush talk behind your back sort of thing. The best thing I have found to do is just when you get a chance to talk to him - not in a group or something, just ask him. Amazing what simple talking can do sometimes. Approach it from something like, "Hey I get the feeling that you are upset with me, are you? You are a great friend so if I have done something to wrong you please tell me so I can correct it."
"Would you rather fight a Sungura-sized spider or 1000 spider-sized Sunguras?" -Zarq
she/<any gender neutral>/snug

HenryGifford
Posts: 152
Joined: Mon Nov 03, 2008 2:01 am UTC

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby HenryGifford » Wed Jan 28, 2009 2:24 pm UTC

I didn't really just jump to that conclusion.. Other guys have told me that he's been saying that I really aggravate him sometimes for that reason. Still, I'll talk to him, seeing as I probably can't trust what other people say.

User avatar
Durandal
Posts: 659
Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2007 12:12 am UTC

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby Durandal » Wed Jan 28, 2009 9:43 pm UTC

People aren't aggravated by others being smart. They are aggravated when said person is a dick about it. I'm not saying this is the case with you, just that you should consider the possibility.

Point is, nobody talks about how smart a person is behind their back. Think about it. Also, talk to him.

HenryGifford
Posts: 152
Joined: Mon Nov 03, 2008 2:01 am UTC

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby HenryGifford » Thu Jan 29, 2009 12:18 am UTC

I don't think I'm being a dick about it, really. But probably I am. I can't read minds, so I'll talk to him soon.

User avatar
stigmatizethis
Posts: 41
Joined: Thu Apr 17, 2008 1:46 am UTC

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby stigmatizethis » Thu Jan 29, 2009 2:25 am UTC

It sounds like you might be understating how arrogant you're being. Monitor your own behavior to make sure you aren't doing something that might be negatively received. I've done this before and came to some startling conclusions about my daily behavior.
GENERATION 1-i: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum. Square it, and then add i to the generation.

VDOgamez
Posts: 122
Joined: Tue May 06, 2008 1:49 am UTC

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby VDOgamez » Fri Feb 20, 2009 2:58 pm UTC

I have a friend that isn't mad, but feels stupid about herself because I am so smart and in Calc BC in what is chronologically ninth grade (Although I had enough credits to technically skip eighth so I am counted as tenth) She is in tenth or eleventh grade and is in trig, so I made her feel better by saying this: If you are having trouble in trig, that doesn't make you stupid. It means you're stupid if you are failing algebra 1A in your SENIOR YEAR; I actually tutor some people who are doing EXACTLY THAT. She feels much better now.

User avatar
Durandal
Posts: 659
Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2007 12:12 am UTC

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby Durandal » Fri Feb 20, 2009 11:02 pm UTC

VDOgamez wrote:I have a friend that isn't mad, but feels stupid about herself because I am so smart and in Calc BC in what is chronologically ninth grade (Although I had enough credits to technically skip eighth so I am counted as tenth) She is in tenth or eleventh grade and is in trig, so I made her feel better by saying this: If you are having trouble in trig, that doesn't make you stupid. It means you're stupid if you are failing algebra 1A in your SENIOR YEAR; I actually tutor some people who are doing EXACTLY THAT. She feels much better now.

Shut up. No seriously, shut up.

You have no idea how much of an arrogant prick you sound like. Wait until you make it at least to university to extol your intelligence; chances are the people that drop by your honors calc class once a month and get a 100% (or higher) on every assignment and test with a modicum of effort will give you a reality check. The vast majority of people here were at the top of their respective high schools; it isn't until you make it to university level that you meet some truly brilliant people.

That thing you said to that girl? Really not nice. Telling her she isn't stupid because some other failures are even dumber than she is isn't addressing the situation. In fact, there shouldn't be a situation at all; you said, quote, 'but feels stupid about herself because I am so smart'. That's the problem right there. Being born with a good brain in your head doesn't give you the right to lord this attribute over others who don't have the physical capacity to beat the crap out of you.

User avatar
TheQntty
Posts: 111
Joined: Sat Oct 04, 2008 1:04 am UTC
Location: USA

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby TheQntty » Sat Feb 21, 2009 12:54 am UTC

I second Durandal's post. Lowering a standard is no way to convince someone that they're smart. Perhaps you should reevaluate what "smart" is. School isn't a very good way to measure intelligence, especially the schooling that occurs before high school. Doing well in school has very little with being smart (I'm not saying this as someone who does relatively well in school). Too many people stop trying after being convinced that they just aren't "smart enough". I can almost guarantee you that people in Algebra I in junior/senior year were convinced that they weren't "good at math" a long time ago, when in reality they were perfectly capable of keeping up with they're classmates.

User avatar
Pit
Posts: 517
Joined: Wed Oct 01, 2008 4:12 am UTC
Location: NY
Contact:

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby Pit » Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:09 pm UTC

If he's talking behind your back, I think you should confront him about that first.

I would offer to have study periods/days with him, or days where you do homework together. Not as a "Let me help you with your homework," but rather a "Hey, let's do our homework together" thing.

--

I had a friend (well, not a friend anymore) who made a lot of fun at me (mostly at me being Asian, therefore I didn't have a soul). It escalated to a lot of ridiculous things (hence why we're not friends anymore).
It came to a point where a teacher had to confront us both to see what was wrong, and I found out that she was angry at me for being more "academically gifted" (as my teacher put it), thus making her feel bad. Apparently, the girl felt "inferior" and unmotivated to do her schoolwork because I was putting her down because I studied. Therefore, because I studied (and she didn't), I did better and was going to go to a better high school, which I apparently didn't deserve to go to (In 8th grade, we have to apply to high schools, and there's a couple high schools that require an exam to get in. Simply put, I got in after 2 years of studying, and she didn't).

This was a situation where I had to look at myself and see if I was doing anything that would actually put her down, and I decided that it was more of a "this is just a ridiculous girl." She apparently almost beat up a guy in high school because that guy was a better actor than she was.

Anyway, I just wanted to put it out there since not all the situations involve a "smart guy being a total asshole jerk about it," and sometimes, the jealous/angry person is just being aggravating for sake of aggravation.
The only thing better than bacon is more bacon on it, potentially sprinkled with bacon salt.

Xoco Mint / Pit

modified-features
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Feb 22, 2009 6:40 pm UTC
Location: UK
Contact:

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby modified-features » Mon Feb 23, 2009 8:03 pm UTC

I can't say I've noticed other people being jealous, but I feel a little uncomfortable sometimes when I start talking about a subject I'm interested in a lot and my friends start to look at me a little blankly after a while.

It depends how outward he's being about. If it's just an uncomfortable vibe he gives off, I wouldn't say anything but I would try to generally avoid the subject of geometry in conversation with him. If he's being outwardly rude, I'd just talk to him and ask him if anything's up, but I wouldn't mention that you think he's jealous as it would be too easy to come across as arrogant. Maybe try and bring up some stuff he's better at than you? It might make him feel a little better.
'lead an amazing life whether it be charmed or cursed' - Patrick Wolf

User avatar
idlehandsrome18
Posts: 101
Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2009 12:54 am UTC
Location: The Internet

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby idlehandsrome18 » Tue Feb 24, 2009 4:37 am UTC

There are times when I'm with a group of less well-educated friends when I feel like I'm alienating them. It's hard to read in people, because normally people don't go out and say "your making me feel stupid". One obvious thing is try not to correct people, it really pisses them off if they already think your smarter than them. I also don't openly disagree who I haven't agreed with multiple times before, people are less put off by disagreement if you have already seen their side of it.

Regarding your situation, I agree with Sungura that you should talk to him and make sure you aren't totally misinterpreting it.
My webcomic:
Image

User avatar
Zerstörer
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2009 4:15 am UTC
Location: Iowa City, IA
Contact:

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby Zerstörer » Sun Mar 01, 2009 5:50 am UTC

idlehandsrome18 wrote:There are times when I'm with a group of less well-educated friends when I feel like I'm alienating them. It's hard to read in people, because normally people don't go out and say "your making me feel stupid". One obvious thing is try not to correct people, it really pisses them off if they already think your smarter than them. I also don't openly disagree who I haven't agreed with multiple times before, people are less put off by disagreement if you have already seen their side of it.

Regarding your situation, I agree with Sungura that you should talk to him and make sure you aren't totally misinterpreting it.


Lolz.

And I agree with your post, idlehands.
"The idea of the sacred is quite simply one of the most conservative notions in any culture, because it seeks to turn other ideas — uncertainty, progress, change — into crimes." — Salman Rushdie

User avatar
Cadvin
Posts: 38
Joined: Thu Feb 19, 2009 12:23 am UTC

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby Cadvin » Sun Mar 01, 2009 10:09 pm UTC

Slip in some comment somewhere, just in idle conversation, how grades don't make you smart. Like, for example,
"God, these teachers seem to think grades make you smart. I mean, good grades are great and all, but even Einstein failed plenty of classes!"

Something like that. Make sure he knows that he's smart too, he might just not get as good grades. Make sure to point out some things that he's better than you at, again, casually.

User avatar
Durandal
Posts: 659
Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2007 12:12 am UTC

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby Durandal » Sun Mar 01, 2009 11:04 pm UTC

Cadvin wrote:Slip in some comment somewhere, just in idle conversation, how grades don't make you smart. Like, for example,
"God, these teachers seem to think grades make you smart. I mean, good grades are great and all, but even Einstein failed plenty of classes!"

Something like that. Make sure he knows that he's smart too, he might just not get as good grades. Make sure to point out some things that he's better than you at, again, casually.

Actually, Einstein was a mathematical prodigy who never failed a class in his life. The above is purely myth.

Also, have you ever been in a situation like the one you're describing? Such an attempt would just come across as a lame attempt to make the person feel better, operating from the viewpoint that you are smarter than them. No, it wouldn't work.

Egads, the amount of people in here who think they relate to Ender is driving me insane.

User avatar
KOSMOSX7
Posts: 29
Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2009 10:58 am UTC
Location: New York, NY

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby KOSMOSX7 » Thu Mar 12, 2009 5:24 am UTC

You don't exist to cater to your friend's insecurities.

You might be acting like a dick to him, but whether or not you are, it doesn't matter. Your friend needs to realize that he has better things to do than hate you for supposedly being 'smarter' than he is. And you have better things to do than stroke his bruised ego.

If you insist on mending things, then just honestly tell him how you feel. Lay it all out in front of him and have him do the same. Let him know that you've got nothing against him, and you feel hurt by what's going on. It might lead to something better, or it might not. Either way, I think this is something you should just stay quiet and walk away from.

Ralith The Third
Don't Ask About His Nephews
Posts: 782
Joined: Sun Jan 25, 2009 5:21 pm UTC

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby Ralith The Third » Tue Mar 24, 2009 12:13 pm UTC

Durandal wrote:People aren't aggravated by others being smart. They are aggravated when said person is a dick about it. I'm not saying this is the case with you, just that you should consider the possibility.

Point is, nobody talks about how smart a person is behind their back. Think about it. Also, talk to him.

Please revise to ,"INTELLIGENT people."

Also, on the point- apparently I'm not the norm.
Omni.

User avatar
Velict
Posts: 609
Joined: Wed Dec 24, 2008 9:07 pm UTC
Location: Icecrown Citadel

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby Velict » Thu Mar 26, 2009 3:59 am UTC

KOSMOSX7 wrote:You don't exist to cater to your friend's insecurities.

You might be acting like a dick to him, but whether or not you are, it doesn't matter. Your friend needs to realize that he has better things to do than hate you for supposedly being 'smarter' than he is. And you have better things to do than stroke his bruised ego.

If you insist on mending things, then just honestly tell him how you feel. Lay it all out in front of him and have him do the same. Let him know that you've got nothing against him, and you feel hurt by what's going on. It might lead to something better, or it might not. Either way, I think this is something you should just stay quiet and walk away from.


I think that this is a hopelessly idealistic philosophy, unfortunately. In a more perfect world, perhaps you wouldn't have to care about other people and their thoughts, but the fact remains that a massive proportion of your life is based upon basic human interaction. People don't (generally) appreciate brutal honesty about things; they prefer modesty in a person superior to them, they enjoy being complemented, and they'll spite you if you criticize them harshly (or at all, in many cases). If you can get people to like you - regardless of your own feelings; often, it's highly beneficial to actually approach the ordeal from a rational viewpoint- you'll find things in life get done much easier.

User avatar
Cadvin
Posts: 38
Joined: Thu Feb 19, 2009 12:23 am UTC

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby Cadvin » Thu Mar 26, 2009 3:17 pm UTC

I KNEW IT! My teachers don't know anything! They LIED to me!
But anyway, who the hell is Ender?

And on another note, I said something like that. Generally just bash the way grades work, but not obviously. It's hard to explain typing, but you should know what to do.

douglasm
Posts: 630
Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2008 4:53 am UTC

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby douglasm » Thu Mar 26, 2009 3:50 pm UTC

Cadvin wrote:But anyway, who the hell is Ender?

The main character of Ender's Game, a popular science fiction novel by Orson Scott Card. He's a child genius who gets put through a customized personal hell designed to turn him into the perfect battle commander for humanity's war for survival against the alien Buggers.

User avatar
KOSMOSX7
Posts: 29
Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2009 10:58 am UTC
Location: New York, NY

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby KOSMOSX7 » Fri Mar 27, 2009 10:17 am UTC

Velict wrote:I think that this is a hopelessly idealistic philosophy, unfortunately. In a more perfect world, perhaps you wouldn't have to care about other people and their thoughts, but the fact remains that a massive proportion of your life is based upon basic human interaction. People don't (generally) appreciate brutal honesty about things; they prefer modesty in a person superior to them, they enjoy being complemented, and they'll spite you if you criticize them harshly (or at all, in many cases). If you can get people to like you - regardless of your own feelings; often, it's highly beneficial to actually approach the ordeal from a rational viewpoint- you'll find things in life get done much easier.

I'm surprised you'd describe it as "idealistic", but I get what you mean.

I'm not known to be emotionally accommodating. I'm willing to smile at close friends and complete strangers, but not people I know a little about. I don't like to casually 'entertain' people, unless it's in a short-term situation where I have to be polite.

In my experience, any sort of casual attention makes people feel entitled to my time and resources, and I've a second problem of finding it really hard to turn folks down when they need help and/or favors. So I just cut people off completely if there's a problem. In my mind, it's like having one less mouth to feed. Call it "social triage".

Durandal wrote:Egads, the amount of people in here who think they relate to Ender is driving me insane.

I haven't read Ender's Game in a long time... but I think that the part of Ender that Durandal is invoking is how hard Ender tried to keep people from resenting his success and superior skills. And this is the context that Cadvin should take note of, with the answer that douglasm provided.

User avatar
Cadvin
Posts: 38
Joined: Thu Feb 19, 2009 12:23 am UTC

Re: Friends Getting Mad for Being Smart

Postby Cadvin » Sat Mar 28, 2009 4:50 pm UTC

douglasm wrote: a customized personal hell


Sound like school.


Return to “School”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests