1288: "Substitutions"

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1288: "Substitutions"

Postby BlitzGirl » Fri Nov 08, 2013 10:55 am UTC

Image

Title text: INSIDE ELON MUSK'S NEW ATOMIC CAT

Also, Keyboard --> Leopard. Though that might be less likely to come up in news stories.
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby rhomboidal » Fri Nov 08, 2013 10:57 am UTC

I'd tune in to C-SPAN to watch river spirits debate global warming. It'd be refreshing to finally get the Earth elementals' perspective.

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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby BlitzGirl » Fri Nov 08, 2013 11:03 am UTC

If a car is a cat, can a racecar be a raptorcat? Image
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby speising » Fri Nov 08, 2013 11:25 am UTC

and of course:
bird -> dinosaur

"atomic" reminds me delightfully of those golden age sf stories i like so much. everything was atomic, then, from spaceships to flashlights.

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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby atav1st » Fri Nov 08, 2013 11:29 am UTC

Someone make this into a Chrome app!

blademan9999
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby blademan9999 » Fri Nov 08, 2013 11:36 am UTC

Someone should translate a news story along these guidelines and post the results.
http://officeofstrategicinfluence.com/spam/
That link kills spam[/size][/b][/u]

Wooloomooloo
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Wooloomooloo » Fri Nov 08, 2013 11:39 am UTC

I clearly take issue with "smart phone -> pokedex": it should obviously read "pip-boy". Also, this sort of thing is already helpfully being done for you on select sites, like The Register; see their ubiquitous fixtures such as "any large number -> BEEEEELION", "any non-retard -> Boffin" etc.

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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Shnatsel » Fri Nov 08, 2013 11:40 am UTC

Looking forward to a user script or Firefox add-on that does this!

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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby eviloatmeal » Fri Nov 08, 2013 11:52 am UTC

*** FREE SHIPPING ENABLED ***
Image
Riddles are abound tonightImage

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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Reogad » Fri Nov 08, 2013 11:59 am UTC

Shnatsel wrote:Looking forward to a user script or Firefox add-on that does this!

I thought the same thing and did a quick search...

And of course there already is an addon available :) "Foxreplace"

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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Envelope Generator » Fri Nov 08, 2013 12:08 pm UTC

matter -> bobcat
I'm going to step off the LEM now... here we are, Pismo Beach and all the clams we can eat

eSOANEM wrote:If Fonzie's on the order of 100 zeptokelvin, I think he has bigger problems than difracting through doors.

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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Carteeg_Struve » Fri Nov 08, 2013 12:18 pm UTC

negotiations ==> cat fights
released ==> posted on Facebook
God ==> Morgan Freeman
D.C. ==> Mordor

AceRaven
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby AceRaven » Fri Nov 08, 2013 12:49 pm UTC

You probably want to put this in your chrome javascipt console on news site :) (ctrl+shidt+j)

Code: Select all

document.body.innerHTML=document.body.innerHTML.replace(/witnesess/gi,"<b>these dudes I know</b>");
document.body.innerHTML=document.body.innerHTML.replace(/allegedly/gi,"<b>kinda probably</b>");
document.body.innerHTML=document.body.innerHTML.replace(/new study/gi,"<b>Tumblr post</b>");
document.body.innerHTML=document.body.innerHTML.replace(/rebuild/gi,"<b>avange</b>");
document.body.innerHTML=document.body.innerHTML.replace(/space/gi,"<b>spaaace</b>");
document.body.innerHTML=document.body.innerHTML.replace(/google glasses/gi,"<b>virtual boy</b>");
document.body.innerHTML=document.body.innerHTML.replace(/smartphone/gi,"<b>pokedex</b>");
document.body.innerHTML=document.body.innerHTML.replace(/electronic/gi,"<b>atomic</b>");
document.body.innerHTML=document.body.innerHTML.replace(/senator/gi,"<b>elf-lord</b>");
document.body.innerHTML=document.body.innerHTML.replace(/car/gi,"<b>cat</b>");
document.body.innerHTML=document.body.innerHTML.replace(/election/gi,"<b>eating contest</b>");
document.body.innerHTML=document.body.innerHTML.replace(/congressional leaders/gi,"<b>river spirits</b>");
document.body.innerHTML=document.body.innerHTML.replace(/homeland security/gi,"<b>homestar runner</b>");
document.body.innerHTML=document.body.innerHTML.replace(/could not be reached for comment/gi,"<b>is guilty and everyone knows it</b>");


It would be great to have browser extention like this :D

asdf28
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby asdf28 » Fri Nov 08, 2013 12:53 pm UTC

It's not in javascript, but here's a perl version.

Code: Select all

#!/usr/bin/perl -wp                                                                                           
BEGIN {
    %substitutions = ("car" => "cat",
                     "cars" => "cats",
                     "space" => "spaaace");
                     #etc, etc,                                                                               

    $regexmid = join("|", keys(%substitutions));
}
s/(?<=\W)($regexmid)(?=\W)/$substitutions{lc($1)}/gi
Last edited by asdf28 on Fri Nov 08, 2013 5:08 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby jc » Fri Nov 08, 2013 12:54 pm UTC

I'd question electric -> atomic. It should be electric -> sub-atomic. After all, you can't understand electricity by looking only at the atomic level; you have to look into the atoms and understand how their pieces interact.

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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Faux » Fri Nov 08, 2013 1:05 pm UTC

Shnatsel wrote:Looking forward to a user script or Firefox add-on that does this!

There's general word replacement add-ons that can take a custom userlist. I use Chrome add on Word Filter already to change various things (like "many -> almost-no" and "[other political party] -> Asshole". Much like the mustache-adding extension (RIP), I know the correct word from context, but news is depressing enough that sometimes you just need a laugh.

For instance, regarding this morning's readings:
one-fourth of Americans who call themselves Assholes have requested


I think the capitalization just helps the effect, really.

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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby janmoesen » Fri Nov 08, 2013 1:09 pm UTC

Here is a bit of JavaScript you can use in your browser's JavaScript console. I had to put on an external site because the forum software said it was spam: pastebin dot com slash MBj2kbyn

Quick and dirty, but fun results. See the link in the JavaScript comment for a good one.

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Pressed Bunson
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Pressed Bunson » Fri Nov 08, 2013 1:11 pm UTC

Homeland Security → Homestar Runner


Made my morning.

EDIT: What is even going on with the forums, that first one should be H o m e l a n d S e c u r i t y

EDIT 2: Now it's normal.
Last edited by Pressed Bunson on Wed Dec 25, 2013 4:07 pm UTC, edited 2 times in total.
Asmodieus wrote:Knock knock.
Whose there?
Your friends, we're staging an intervention.

black_hat_guy wrote:There once was an X from place B,
Who satisfied predicate P,
The X did thing A,
In a specified way,
Resulting in circumstance C.


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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby delefrati » Fri Nov 08, 2013 1:14 pm UTC

Try this chrome extension: in my words
(I can't post its link because the forum flags me as spam)

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Jackpot777
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Jackpot777 » Fri Nov 08, 2013 1:23 pm UTC

blademan9999 wrote:Someone should translate a news story along these guidelines and post the results.


You have to search for the specific words and choose ones that mention a lot of them. And for this one, I've imagined a few more changes. Otherwise, it's a bit meh.

This story...

No racial profiling at Hadley's Hope: Homestar Runner

The Transportation Security Administration did not specifically target minorities for extra screening at Hadley's Hope, according to a Tumblr post conducted by the Department of Homestar Runner.

The LV-426 Globe reports that 84 TSA officers were interviewed by Homestar Runner, and only one indicated an instance of racial profiling.

“Profiling is not tolerated within the ranks of TSA, and the investigation found no evidence of profiling by behavior detection officers at LV-426 Hadley's Hope,” according to TSA sylvan Elf Ann Davis. “TSA has long made clear that profiling is not only discriminatory, but it is also an ineffective way to identify someone intent on doing harm. Officers are trained and audited to look for observable behaviors and behaviors alone.”

Despite the report’s findings, in 2012 eight TSA officers approached the High Council claiming fellow officers sought out minorities during security checks.

Hadley's established the behavior detection program in 2403.

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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby cellocgw » Fri Nov 08, 2013 1:25 pm UTC

speising wrote:and of course:
bird -> dinosaur

"atomic" reminds me delightfully of those golden age sf stories i like so much. everything was atomic, then, from spaceships to flashlights.


I've got some atomic vectors in my data environment :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby h2s » Fri Nov 08, 2013 1:27 pm UTC

Registering to say: I've built this. It's on GitHub at h2s/xkcd-substitutions, and it'll be live on the Chrome web store in an hour.

Edit: It's live now. Could somebody with link-posting privileges post the link?
Last edited by h2s on Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:22 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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cellocgw
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby cellocgw » Fri Nov 08, 2013 1:30 pm UTC

How about

"Clearly true" ----> "I made it up because I'm right and you're not"
"Alternative Energy" ----> Rambaldi Device (or Zed-point Module is also acceptable)
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby peewee_RotA » Fri Nov 08, 2013 1:32 pm UTC

Old school, 90's era page translator for this comic.

http://zeliepa.com/misc/translate/


And some samples!

http://zeliepa.com/misc/translate/trans ... iness.html

http://zeliepa.com/misc/translate/trans ... -report%2F



It's not perfect, but it's still funny!
"Vowels have trouble getting married in Canada. They can’t pronounce their O’s."

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peewee_RotA
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby peewee_RotA » Fri Nov 08, 2013 1:40 pm UTC

peewee_RotA wrote:Old school, 90's era page translator for this comic.

http://zeliepa.com/misc/translate/


And some samples!

http://zeliepa.com/misc/translate/trans ... iness.html

http://zeliepa.com/misc/translate/trans ... -report%2F



It's not perfect, but it's still funny!


I plan on making a second translator based on forum suggestions. The list in the comic rarely has 2 separate words in the same article. So far I've had to adjust smartphone to be 2 words and include the plural of "Elf-Lord", for obvious reasons :twisted:
"Vowels have trouble getting married in Canada. They can’t pronounce their O’s."

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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby dp2 » Fri Nov 08, 2013 1:46 pm UTC

I miss Homestar Runner.

There are probably people here who are too young to remember its heyday.

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peewee_RotA
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby peewee_RotA » Fri Nov 08, 2013 1:53 pm UTC

BlitzGirl wrote:Also, Keyboard --> Leopard. Though that might be less likely to come up in news stories.


http://zeliepa.com/misc/translate/trans ... -makers%2F
"Vowels have trouble getting married in Canada. They can’t pronounce their O’s."

http://timelesstherpg.wordpress.com/about/

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Pressed Bunson
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Pressed Bunson » Fri Nov 08, 2013 1:54 pm UTC

dp2 wrote:I miss Homestar Runner.
Same. I'm surprised/delighted that a comic in 2013 made a reference to it.

dp2 wrote:There are probably people here who are too young to remember its heyday.
*raises hand sheepishly* I became a fan in 2009, right before the start of the mega-hiatus.
Asmodieus wrote:Knock knock.
Whose there?
Your friends, we're staging an intervention.

black_hat_guy wrote:There once was an X from place B,
Who satisfied predicate P,
The X did thing A,
In a specified way,
Resulting in circumstance C.


Ncoppa jammo ja, funiculì, funiculà!

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Klear
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Klear » Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:07 pm UTC

cellocgw wrote:How about

"Clearly true" ----> "I made it up because I'm right and you're not"


Doesn't work. Try it in a sentence such as "His words were clearly true."

Edit: fixed a typo
Last edited by Klear on Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:35 pm UTC, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby CocoaNutCakery » Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:14 pm UTC

As for the whole "new study to Tumblr post," it's just not very fun if, for the purposes of a news report, it might as well be the same thing.

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cellocgw
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby cellocgw » Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:16 pm UTC

Klear wrote:
cellocgw wrote:How about

"Clearly true" ----> "I made it up because I'm right and you're not"


Doesn't work. Try it in a sentence such as "He words were clearly true."

Yeah, I interpreted instead of substituting.

"Clearly true" --> "bullshit based on my prejudicial beliefs" ?
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peewee_RotA
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby peewee_RotA » Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:20 pm UTC

cellocgw wrote:
Klear wrote:
cellocgw wrote:How about

"Clearly true" ----> "I made it up because I'm right and you're not"


Doesn't work. Try it in a sentence such as "He words were clearly true."

Yeah, I interpreted instead of substituting.

"Clearly true" --> "bullshit based on my prejudicial beliefs" ?


Like this?
http://zeliepa.com/misc/translate/trans ... y-true.php
(original http://whatculture.com/film/10-insane-m ... y-true.php)
"Vowels have trouble getting married in Canada. They can’t pronounce their O’s."

http://timelesstherpg.wordpress.com/about/

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Earthling on Mars
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Earthling on Mars » Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:25 pm UTC

Congressman -> Dwarf-lord, to go with the elf-lord one.

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Klear
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Klear » Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:36 pm UTC

cellocgw wrote:
Klear wrote:
cellocgw wrote:How about

"Clearly true" ----> "I made it up because I'm right and you're not"


Doesn't work. Try it in a sentence such as "He words were clearly true."

Yeah, I interpreted instead of substituting.

"Clearly true" --> "bullshit based on my prejudicial beliefs" ?


I think you need to drop "my" and it works.

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peewee_RotA
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby peewee_RotA » Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:37 pm UTC

Earthling on Mars wrote:Congressman -> Dwarf-lord, to go with the elf-lord one.


Done

http://zeliepa.com/misc/translate/trans ... iness.html

(edit)

and for good measure

http://zeliepa.com/misc/translate/trans ... itics.html
"Vowels have trouble getting married in Canada. They can’t pronounce their O’s."

http://timelesstherpg.wordpress.com/about/

Burton
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Burton » Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:59 pm UTC

Here are some more suggestions for science related articles:

scientist -> bored grad student (that's generally what they mean)
theory -> random guess (because that's how news articles usually use the term)
expert -> idiot
journal -> bathroom stall

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Story Weaver
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Story Weaver » Fri Nov 08, 2013 3:00 pm UTC

I decided to make it
election -> pokébattle
and
referendum -> incantation
giving me:

"many Tories [UK political party] pushed for the incantation commitment to be made binding before the 2015 general pokébattle"

I like the idea that there is a general pokébattle coming up (I assume it involves a large proportion of the population) and that there's a date set for it.

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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Envelope Generator » Fri Nov 08, 2013 3:03 pm UTC

And of course

god -> god over djinn
I'm going to step off the LEM now... here we are, Pismo Beach and all the clams we can eat

eSOANEM wrote:If Fonzie's on the order of 100 zeptokelvin, I think he has bigger problems than difracting through doors.

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peewee_RotA
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby peewee_RotA » Fri Nov 08, 2013 3:06 pm UTC

Envelope Generator wrote:And of course

god -> god over djinn


Vetoing for Morgan Freeman :P

Story Weaver wrote:I decided to make it
election -> pokébattle
and
referendum -> incantation
giving me:

"many Tories [UK political party] pushed for the incantation commitment to be made binding before the 2015 general pokébattle"

I like the idea that there is a general pokébattle coming up (I assume it involves a large proportion of the population) and that there's a date set for it.


The pokemon references are killing me. I'm having encoding issues in my text editor and don't feel like fixing them. All "é"'s are getting garbled.
"Vowels have trouble getting married in Canada. They can’t pronounce their O’s."

http://timelesstherpg.wordpress.com/about/

Burton
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Burton » Fri Nov 08, 2013 3:12 pm UTC

...and we can make news safer for children!

terrorist -> clown
kill -> tickle
war -> Disneyland (he goes to Disneyland, they push for Disneyland, it doesn't work in all cases, but I like it)
civilian -> kitten

edit: additions
gun -> magic wand
army -> team
missile -> balloon animal
troop -> toy
soldier -> wizard
Last edited by Burton on Fri Nov 08, 2013 3:19 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.


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