1288: "Substitutions"

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peewee_RotA
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby peewee_RotA » Sat Nov 09, 2013 12:23 am UTC

Updated with the remaining suggestions. Added a few to make sure political articles weren't lacking in coverage.

http://zeliepa.com/misc/translate/trans ... 39114.html
(original: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/0 ... 39114.html )
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JetstreamGW
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby JetstreamGW » Sat Nov 09, 2013 2:24 am UTC

Someone script up a "Gizoogle Transnizzle"-esque website for this, stat!

sbeitzel
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby sbeitzel » Sat Nov 09, 2013 2:28 am UTC

This nerdsniped me today while I waited for my car to be repaired. The forum will not allow me to post the link to the project. :(

So, okay: github dot com/sbeitzel/newswhimsy

therufs
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby therufs » Sat Nov 09, 2013 2:50 am UTC

I made a FF extension! Shamelessly knocked off of cloud-to-butt-mozilla.

I guess link posting is not doable?, but it is on github, user therufs, repo title news-to-butt-mozilla.

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Plasma Mongoose
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Plasma Mongoose » Sat Nov 09, 2013 6:32 am UTC

Modified News Story.

US President Barack Obama's second-term approval ratings continue to slide, with these dudes I know now disapproving of his job performance, according to this tumblr post.

The president's job approval numbers hit a high point in December and have slid steadily since, with these dudes I know now approving of his performance in office and 53 per cent disapproving, the tumblr post shows.

The bright spot in his ratings comes on dealing with the threat of terrorism, where 51 percent approve and 44 per cent disapprove.

The survey was conducted by pokedex from October 30 to November 6 among a national sample of 2003 adults, 18 years of age or older.
A virus walks into a bar, the bartender says "We don't serve viruses in here".
The virus replaces the bartender and says "Now we do!"

andman42
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby andman42 » Sat Nov 09, 2013 6:38 am UTC

Here is a simple bookmarklet for converting any page you're reading into a "more fun" version:

Code: Select all

javascript:(function(){var e=document.body.innerHTML;e=e.replace(/witnesses/ig,"dudes I know").replace(/allegedly/ig,"kinda probably").replace(/new study/ig,"tumblr post").replace(/rebuild/ig,"avenge").replace(/space/ig,"spaaace").replace(/Google Glass/ig,"Virtual Boy").replace(/smart[\s]?phone/ig,"Pokédex").replace(/electric/ig,"atomic").replace(/senator/ig,"Elf-Lord").replace(/car/ig,"cat").replace(/election/ig,"eating contest").replace(/congressional leaders/ig,"river spirits").replace(/homeland security/ig,"Homestar Runner").replace(/could not be reached for comment/ig,"is guilty and everyone knows it");document.body.innerHTML=e})();


To use it, just create a new bookmark and paste the above script into the URL field. It works for most sites, though not Yahoo News for some reason. Cheers.

smittles2003
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby smittles2003 » Sat Nov 09, 2013 7:36 am UTC

I made a chrome extension that does this anytime you click its icon: (i can't post a url because it thinks i'm spam) search github for chrome_extension_xkcd_1288 . Thought you all might appreciate another one (:

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astrus
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby astrus » Sat Nov 09, 2013 8:56 am UTC

peewee_RotA wrote:Updated with the remaining suggestions. Added a few to make sure political articles weren't lacking in coverage.

http://zeliepa.com/misc/translate/trans ... 39114.html
(original: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/0 ... 39114.html )

With Obama's re-eating contest [...]

I don't even want to know how that one worked

Graham Finch
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Graham Finch » Sat Nov 09, 2013 12:29 pm UTC

I always do that one for Space.

stianhat
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby stianhat » Sat Nov 09, 2013 3:47 pm UTC

can we also have:

figuratively -
literally -

that is whitespace(0) - since most people just never use them right anyway.

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Klear
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Klear » Sat Nov 09, 2013 4:15 pm UTC

stianhat wrote:can we also have:

figuratively -
literally -

that is whitespace(0) - since most people just never use them right anyway.


They use them correctly. Nothing wrong with a little hyperbole now and then, is there?

mmrevans
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Famous replacements on news sites

Postby mmrevans » Sat Nov 09, 2013 4:25 pm UTC

Sometimes truth IS the comedy...a sad sad comedy of errors.

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/sleuth ... _word.html

The problem: Tyson's real last name is Gay. Therefore, OneNewsNow's reliable software changed the Associated Press story about Tyson Gay's amazing Olympic qualifying trial to read this way:

Tyson Homosexual was a blur in blue, sprinting 100 meters faster than anyone ever has.

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PinkShinyRose
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby PinkShinyRose » Sat Nov 09, 2013 5:00 pm UTC

dp2 wrote:I miss Homestar Runner.

There are probably people here who are too young to remember its heyday.

I had never heard from it before this comic...
Burton wrote:...and we can make news safer for children!

terrorist -> clown
kill -> tickle
war -> Disneyland (he goes to Disneyland, they push for Disneyland, it doesn't work in all cases, but I like it)
civilian -> kitten

edit: additions
gun -> magic wand
army -> team
missile -> balloon animal
troop -> toy
soldier -> wizard

How about:
famine => magic
It goes nice with DIsneyland: The longlasting Disneyland caused magic among the kittens.
dead => fainted
Obviously goes with the pokémon references.
tank => dragon
missile => thunder
shot => spell (or specifically avada kedavra, but that would mean it doesn't matter where the victim is hit)
collateral damage => people who fainted because the dark lord wished it
kill => to send to play with Hades

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da Doctah
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby da Doctah » Sat Nov 09, 2013 8:31 pm UTC

PinkShinyRose wrote:
Burton wrote:kill -> tickle

dead => fainted

You're all missing the obvious one:
dead -> pinin' for the fjords.

mcdigman
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby mcdigman » Sun Nov 10, 2013 3:25 am UTC

The fact that these substitutions are now being done on this electric messaging board means that all the code snippets posted before now substitute 'car' for 'cat' (I know it says 'cat' for 'cat') so the code snippets do nothing except possibly change the case.

Congressional leaders should rebuild the forum, although witnesses allegedly said the senator could not be reached for comment.

icefest
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby icefest » Sun Nov 10, 2013 5:03 am UTC

mcdigman wrote:river spirits should avenge the forum, although these dudes I know kinda probably said the Elf-Lord is guilty and everyone knows it.

My head hurts.

Other filters I have: (please don't judge me)

idiot:idiot
idiot:idiot
idiocy:idiocy
ichor:ichor
coffee":coffee
my "friend"":my "friend"
magician:magician
road: interplanetary expressway

EDIT: It seems I'm a professional lurker. 1 post a year.

sarcasticsimba
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby sarcasticsimba » Sun Nov 10, 2013 8:55 am UTC

I know people have been all over this, making extensions and whatnot, so I joined in the fun.

I made both a Chrome and Safari extension, so feel free to nab whatever you'd like! :D
github (dot) com/sarcasticsimba/xkcdSubstitutions-Chrome
github (dot) com/sarcasticsimba/xkcdSubstitutions-Safari

asdf28
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby asdf28 » Sun Nov 10, 2013 11:33 am UTC

Vivificient wrote:The substitutions from the comic are being performed on this board now, aren't they?

Perhaps the wrong thread to ask, but anyone else feel that the board-level substutitions should be disabled in a month or so, once everyone forgets about this comic?

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addams
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby addams » Sun Nov 10, 2013 3:22 pm UTC

asdf28 wrote:
Vivificient wrote:The substitutions from the comic are being performed on this board now, aren't they?

Perhaps the wrong thread to ask, but anyone else feel that the board-level substutitions should be disabled in a month or so, once everyone forgets about this comic?

Not me.
I think they should be made Web Wide.

What fun!!
People would believe that Weird Shit.

Spoiler:
As I bow my head to pray:
Dear Lord Randell;
Please be carefully Random.

If this word filter gets out;
It will be powerfully difficult to control.

Dear Lord Randell;
If it makes you giggle, then it is worth it.
You made us giggle; It is the least we can do in return.

Addams
Life is, just, an exchange of electrons; It is up to us to give it meaning.

We are all in The Gutter.
Some of us see The Gutter.
Some of us see The Stars.
by mr. Oscar Wilde.

Those that want to Know; Know.
Those that do not Know; Don't tell them.
They do terrible things to people that Tell Them.

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Pressed Bunson
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Pressed Bunson » Sun Nov 10, 2013 6:24 pm UTC

Gaiz one of my posts in this thread shows H o m e l a n d S e c u r i t y (w/o spaces) as Homestar Runner.

Is this April Fools all over again?
Asmodieus wrote:Knock knock.
Whose there?
Your friends, we're staging an intervention.

black_hat_guy wrote:There once was an X from place B,
Who satisfied predicate P,
The X did thing A,
In a specified way,
Resulting in circumstance C.


Ncoppa jammo ja, funiculì, funiculà!

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Klear
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Klear » Sun Nov 10, 2013 6:51 pm UTC

Pressed Bunson wrote:Gaiz one of my posts in this thread shows H o m e l a n d S e c u r i t y (w/o spaces) as Homestar Runner.

Is this April Fools all over again?


You mean you didn't write Homestar Runner? Oh me yarm Oh!

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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby BlitzGirl » Sun Nov 10, 2013 9:26 pm UTC

Oh me yarm, these filter tricks can't be Basically Decent! (I'm sure there's a new study out there that allegedly shows Basic Human Decency is important to making a coherent forum post. Just ask SecondTalon, though at this time Second Talon could not be reached for comment.) How will we ever rebuild our original posts? Call your local congressional leaders (particularly your senator) by smartphone or drive over in your electric car and tell them they will lose the upcoming election if nothing changes.
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addams
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby addams » Mon Nov 11, 2013 12:16 am UTC

It's the Tower of Babel all over, again.
See what you did?!

You become like Gods and one of your own destroys the Tower.

I, for one, will miss being able to read the internet.
We can fall sobbing into our favorite Thread in Anticipated Sorrow.

boo hoo hoo. Almost like the Real Thing.
Life is, just, an exchange of electrons; It is up to us to give it meaning.

We are all in The Gutter.
Some of us see The Gutter.
Some of us see The Stars.
by mr. Oscar Wilde.

Those that want to Know; Know.
Those that do not Know; Don't tell them.
They do terrible things to people that Tell Them.

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Pressed Bunson
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Pressed Bunson » Mon Nov 11, 2013 12:35 am UTC

Klear wrote:
Pressed Bunson wrote:Gaiz one of my posts in this thread shows H o m e l a n d S e c u r i t y (w/o spaces) as Homestar Runner.

Is this April Fools all over again?


You mean you didn't write Homestar Runner? Golly Gosh Darn Gee Wiz!
I was trying to demonstrate that I appreciated that H.S. became Homestar Runner. So, I wrote Homestar Runner, but only once.

addams wrote:It's the Tower of Babel all over, again.
Oh. That's what it's called.
Asmodieus wrote:Knock knock.
Whose there?
Your friends, we're staging an intervention.

black_hat_guy wrote:There once was an X from place B,
Who satisfied predicate P,
The X did thing A,
In a specified way,
Resulting in circumstance C.


Ncoppa jammo ja, funiculì, funiculà!

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Oops

Postby Eternal Density » Mon Nov 11, 2013 1:30 am UTC

andman42 wrote:Here is a simple bookmarklet for converting any page you're reading into a "more fun" version:

Code: Select all

javascript:(function(){var e=document.body.innerHTML;e=e.replace(/these dudes I know/ig,"dudes I know").replace(/kinda probably/ig,"kinda probably").replace(/tumblr post/ig,"tumblr post").replace(/avenge/ig,"avenge").replace(/spaaace/ig,"spaaace").replace(/virtual boy/ig,"Virtual Boy").replace(/smart[\s]?phone/ig,"Pokédex").replace(/atomic/ig,"atomic").replace(/Elf-Lord/ig,"Elf-Lord").replace(/cat/ig,"cat").replace(/eating contest/ig,"eating contest").replace(/river spirits/ig,"river spirits").replace(/Homestar Runner/ig,"Homestar Runner").replace(/is guilty and everyone knows it/ig,"is guilty and everyone knows it");document.body.innerHTML=e})();


To use it, just create a new bookmark and paste the above script into the URL field. It works for most sites, though not Yahoo News for some reason. Cheers.
I don't understand the point of replacing words with exactly the same words. It has no effect!

Um, so where can we get the actual script?
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Schwolop
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Schwolop » Mon Nov 11, 2013 4:35 am UTC

I do find it hilarious that this thread has gone three pages without anyone noticing that the replacements are already happening on this forum...

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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby addams » Mon Nov 11, 2013 4:52 am UTC

Schwolop wrote:I do find it hilarious that this thread has gone three pages without anyone noticing that the replacements are already happening on this forum...

We noticed.
Your point?

That is like noticing it is dark at night.
Sure, but, where are we going?
Life is, just, an exchange of electrons; It is up to us to give it meaning.

We are all in The Gutter.
Some of us see The Gutter.
Some of us see The Stars.
by mr. Oscar Wilde.

Those that want to Know; Know.
Those that do not Know; Don't tell them.
They do terrible things to people that Tell Them.

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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby speising » Mon Nov 11, 2013 8:04 am UTC

Schwolop wrote:I do find it hilarious that this thread has gone three pages without anyone noticing that the replacements are already happening on this forum...

i find it hilarious that someone can post a statement like this wihout first checking its veracity. like, by reading three posts up.

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Klear
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Klear » Mon Nov 11, 2013 12:45 pm UTC

speising wrote:
Schwolop wrote:I do find it hilarious that this thread has gone three pages without anyone noticing that the replacements are already happening on this forum...

i find it hilarious that someone can post a statement like this wihout first checking its veracity. like, by reading three posts up.


I find you all hilarious.

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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby andman42 » Mon Nov 11, 2013 4:37 pm UTC

Eternal Density wrote:
andman42 wrote:Here is a simple bookmarklet for converting any page you're reading into a "more fun" version:

Code: Select all

...


To use it, just create a new bookmark and paste the above script into the URL field. It works for most sites, though not Yahoo News for some reason. Cheers.
I don't understand the point of replacing words with exactly the same words. It has no effect!

Um, so where can we get the actual script?

As people have pointed out, the board is already replacing the keywords, hence my bookmarklet script got borked. You can find the uncorrupted version here: http://pastebin.com/tQx7bxpw

Sorry about that. Again, to use it, just create a new bookmark and paste the script into the URL field.

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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Mikeski » Mon Nov 11, 2013 8:31 pm UTC

I think a scripted conversion of the local lolcats dialect back to English would be useful.

OTT -> thread about xkcd #1190 , molpy -> animal , [a-zA-Z]*ong -> I am posting an image , pope -> some random forum poster ...

...of course, this would require a script about 17000 lines long.

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Raptorcats, not lolcats.

Postby BlitzGirl » Mon Nov 11, 2013 9:43 pm UTC

I'm not sure how much that would help you, considering the OTT generally has many variations of any particular word (semencoffeecancerbaconbabiesonice, for example).

Now if you reversed it and applied OTTer lingo to the fora at large, that would give some interesting results.
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Re: 1288: "Prostitutions"

Postby Eternal Density » Mon Nov 11, 2013 9:59 pm UTC

andman42 wrote:As people have pointed out, the board is already replacing the keywords, hence my bookmarklet script got borked. You can find the uncorrupted version here: http://pastebin.com/tQx7bxpw

Sorry about that. Again, to use it, just create a new bookmark and paste the script into the URL field.

Now my quote of your code has become uncorrupted. Does that mean the filter is off?

To test, I'll mention that my car decided to go around a roundabout sideways a few minutes ago, due to the wet road. I have no idea how I managed to get out of that without hitting anything.
[EDIT] okay it's still substitution, so why is the quoted code unsubstituted?
peewee_RotA wrote:
Earthling on Mars wrote:Congressman -> Dwarf-lord, to go with the elf-lord one.


Done

http://zeliepa.com/misc/translate/trans ... iness.html
No it should be Dwarven noble.
Because of Dwarf Fortress implications.
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J-Hammy
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby J-Hammy » Mon Nov 11, 2013 10:15 pm UTC

Eternal Density wrote:...


Holy crap. I've read quite a few of your posts and just now realized your name is Eternal Density and not Eternal Destiny. You must have changed it.
Spoiler:
buffygirl wrote:
StratPlayer wrote:
Dracomax wrote:
bighaben wrote:I think she's going to slide down the dune, hopefully taking Cueball with her. :twisted:

Possibly on purpose. sliding down a hill is fun.


And it's only fair. If he goes down first, she should go down, too.

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!

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addams
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby addams » Tue Nov 12, 2013 12:19 am UTC

How long will it take for the World Wide Web to become so corrupted by OTT and xkcd word filters
as to become unusable for commoners, again?

I find the way serious news is retranslated delightful.
When will The World notice? It could take a while.

Does that make it anti-clamatic?
No big deal. Everything keeps going along as it always has.

People are no more nor any less outraged by the new news.
(shrug) Sorry. People care as much as they can. This is it. pfft.
Life is, just, an exchange of electrons; It is up to us to give it meaning.

We are all in The Gutter.
Some of us see The Gutter.
Some of us see The Stars.
by mr. Oscar Wilde.

Those that want to Know; Know.
Those that do not Know; Don't tell them.
They do terrible things to people that Tell Them.

serovich
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby serovich » Tue Nov 12, 2013 7:15 am UTC

More stuff for political news:

President --> The Chosen One
Conservative --> grumpy (the idea is to create combinations such as "grumpy nazi sympathisers")
Liberal --> lazy
Moderate --> nihilist
Dollar --> piece of paper with some dead dude on it. (plural: pieces of paper with some dead dudes on them).
economy --> great wyrm that gnaws at the root of the world tree (ideas on word 'economic'?)
jobs --> side quests

Some for current events:

The Affordable Care Act --> secret government plan to build a Death Star (grumpy nazi sympathiser Elf-Lords strongly oppose secret government plan to build a Death Star because of the harm it might cause to the great wyrm that gnaws at the root of the world tree)
gay --> happy (think "legalizing happy marriage" and "discrimination against happy people")

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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby PinkShinyRose » Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:27 am UTC

addams wrote:How long will it take for the World Wide Web to become so corrupted by OTT and xkcd word filters
as to become unusable for commoners, again?

I don't think the forums will have much influence outside the xkcd community (unlike possibly the comic). I also fear the OTT vocabulary is too variable, it will probably change again during the next madness reckoning...

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Klear
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Klear » Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:47 am UTC

serovich wrote:economy --> great wyrm that gnaws at the root of the world tree (ideas on word 'economic'?)


economic -> mythical

serovich wrote:gay --> happy (think "legalizing happy marriage" and "discrimination against happy people")


Think "Your so happy!!"

Anyway, it might be better to keep the substitutions shorter. "great wyrm that gnaws at the root of the world tree" is nice, but it would get kinda bothersome when it pops up six times in an article. "great wyrm" would be enough IMO.

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PinkShinyRose
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby PinkShinyRose » Tue Nov 12, 2013 12:11 pm UTC

Klear wrote:Anyway, it might be better to keep the substitutions shorter. "great wyrm that gnaws at the root of the world tree" is nice, but it would get kinda bothersome when it pops up six times in an article. "great wyrm" would be enough IMO.

How about 'world leech'? Then economic could be 'leeching' or 'world leeching'.

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Klear
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Re: 1288: "Substitutions"

Postby Klear » Tue Nov 12, 2013 12:22 pm UTC

Hmm.. but something definitely needs to be mythical. I vote "famous".


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